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Love -v- trust
Hi there
This question is off the back of a bigger dilemma I'm in which I will address at a different time but one thing I need help with right now is the following-(also just for this question I'm going to refer to these two men as guy 1 and guy 2)
Ok guy 1 I love deeply its a love that's got deeper over time he is caring loving fun etc all round great guy, it's had ups and downs like any love does but it is strong, he's never given me any reason to doubt him I trust him and never worry that he would stray. However the one thing that is a concern for me which is sex, I don't mean this to sound shallow in anyway because I do love him dearly but sex is only average, I pleasure him very well he is more than happy as he has communicated this but for me things just don't quite get there and I find it hard to address this due to trying before and he took it really to heart and now I'm scared to hurt his feelings so I just go with it but I worry that this will pose long term troubles for me because I know what I want and crave it and I worry I will need to act up in this urge.
Guy 2 I fell in love with fast and this is a new relationship he is wonderful and romantic and honest (sometimes too honest lol) sometimes I have had small doubts on how truthful some of the things he tells me are but then I think is it because he is wanting to impress me so much, I have questioned his sincerity (in a positive way) and his answers are clear and honest but he doesn't realise he sometimes makes me jealous by telling me about girls that have been hitting on him. I don't know if he's doing this because he's insecure and wants to test how much I care or whether he is a player and I'm been a fool. I wonder though if its due to the strain of a LDR and this would change if we was together but its a big risk to take. however the sex here is mind blowing for him and me, we connect so well and it is so passionate we know what each other wants without even having to ask but then when we do it just gets even better.
Basically what it comes down to is a choice of love, trust and average sex OR love, potential trust issues and incredible sex.
so I'm hoping that by getting neutral advice from others will help me see the clear picture.
All advice and answers are welcome and appreciate
Thanks for reading.
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Thank you so much your advice is great and I really appreciate it! It's like fine art if you stand to close you don't get to see it all but take a step back and you see the whole picture and it starts to make sense, I think hearing someone else say it makes it easier for me to process. So thank you again!
I am now thinking deeply about both situations.
Guy 1 yes it does seems like a minor issue but why is it not changing?! aaaaahhhhhh lol ok I try and it still just seems awkward :/ i guess to explain its like two people dancing to different beats. (With guy 2 its like a perfect choreographed par de deux lol) guy 1 I get bored its not exciting for me, he's having the time of his life but then because I'm not really feeling it I'm worried that he's going to pick up on this. It's not likely to change but we have a tight history together so then I think "well is sex really that important?!" And if I didn't know what I was missing then I wouldn't have a problem but because I have experienced the most mind blowing sex and know how good I can feel its hard to just ignore it but its not like I can't tell him the reason why! I wouldn't want to hear that! So still dilemma but I'm working on it.
Yes your right with guy 2 the lack of trust will eventually kill the passion! And right now thats what I'm feeling, he has killed me he recently led me to believe he was with another woman :( I don't know if I was reading in to it wrong or not! It came about after I suggested that we should maybe break up (due to my feeling he was giving me reasons to be jealous) But now i cant seem get it out of my head, even if he's telling me the truth and its nothing (which he has told me he never would because i am the one for him he's never felt this way about anyone before) the fact that he made me believe it hurts just as bad and i cant get it out of my head! its like there was this huge fire for him inside me that as been put out by making me feel this way and now I'm trying to light it back up but its not happening, I'm hoping that when I next see him it will be clear, I think I'll either see him and talk about it and be able to see and feel his sincerity or I won't feel like I used to and with that I'll know its no good trying.
Ooooo well I will drop a post when I have more clarity but thank you.
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I think there is a lot of thinking here to do, i feel like the sex issue with number 1 is just the communicating part. If you tell him what you like or move his hand the way you like things with out having to speak maybe the sex will become better for you guys. now I know you said that the last time his feelings were hurt, you should tell him that what you're telling him is not to hurt his feelings, but to make what you guys have better. not everyone is going to know what to do right away or what she likes people need to talk about it show eachother and sometimes showing is just as much fun and exciting. Now on guy number 2 he may just be telling you about those other women yes to get you to be jealous or to be 100% honest with you he wants to tell you whats up with his life. sex is a huge part in a healthy relationship in my opinion its frusterating if you cant enjoy it with the one you love. although trust is also a huge part in a relationship if you dont have trust you have nothing so if you cant or forsee yourself not tursting guy number 2 then sex wont even be amazing everything would just be blah. good luck i know this probally didnt help so much, but you are the one in these relationships and i think these are both minor issues and if you want to settle down you need to talk to both of them about with guy number 1 the sex issue and guy number 2 the trust issue
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