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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!
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Hi, I feel as though I am in a rutt. I have gained 25 lbs over the year, stopped walking, took a new job being more sedentry. Im always hungry and always eating. I eat big meals. I am so unhappy in my relationship with this man who is a drinker and doesn't want to better himself. Iused to be so active in the past. Gym every mornig at 530 am. Active durring the day. I dont know where to start. I want to suppress my appetite and dont know what to take to help this? Does anyone have any ideas?
Some people stop eating when unhappy and others start eating. Your body and mind is geared to want to feel better and since the thing that came into your life that changed things for the worse for you is still there, of course, you are not going to 'really' feel better. But subconsciously your mind will valiantly try to at least distract you from your unhappiness by eating. Also, it may not be a full blown depression but not wanting to do the things you used to do like working out are indicators of possible depression.
We are responsible for our own welfare and happiness first. No one is going to come rescue us, we all must learn how to rescue ourselves. I had to learn that in a marriage to a verbally abusive man. So I know what I am talking about. I stayed a month or two shy of 30 years, always hoping that "something" would happen to make things better. The abuse was affecting my health, I was suffering constant tension headaches, some migraines and had ulcers not to mention lots of other stuff. It is the choices we make in life that place us in a spot that is not healthy for us physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
What can start as a good decision, such as my relationship, can end up changing along the way and getting worse and worse. We all need a positive environment to be at our top best too. A negative environment will wear us down in one way or another. As in my case again, instead of being worn down mentally as so many verbally abused are, falling into a trap of having little or no self esteem, I lost my physical health. The stress of my situation had to go somewhere. I kept my sanity only because of my deep belief in God. And that too was a reason I stayed in my situation, believing God could pull a miracle and heal my marriage, my husband and all would be well. But what didn't click for me, and perhaps hasn't for you yet is that God isn't going to rescue you, not because He doesn't care or love you, but because He has given us all a feel will. That free will is what your partner is exercising when he chooses to drink heavily. God does not take choice away from us. If we didn't have choice, we'd be nothing more than like robots, programmed or forced to do something.
So, you are in a negative environment, God isn't going to "Force" him to change and you like any human has no ability to change another human. So that leaves you with changing only yourself, your habits or removing yourself from a negative environment.
You want only to know how to suppress your appetite. Well it does sound like a good idea if there were no negative influences in your life on a daily basis that have impacted you this way. I did say change yourself. However, in your case I believe that no matter what you do to make changes to yourself, diet and start exercising and go places, and be more active, it won't last long because what caused it to come about in the first place is still there...unless you are not telling us about some emotional trauma from childhood that is beginning to finally crop up and affect you this way. Based only on what you shared, the man you are in relationship with needs to go, or you leave. Surround yourself with positive people and begin to soak up positive, healthy loving vibes from people who are into health. You can try it though by keeping the home situation as is. However when that fails, remember what I said.
As souls navigating life, we learn the lessons we need to by coming up against hardships, and difficulties and outright painful things. These are opportunities to learn to change, like carbon rock that came up against incredible pressures that changed it into diamonds. We are to be God's precious jewels in heaven with him one day. So naturally, our souls will have to successfully go through terrible, unhappy harsh road blocks that present themselves in our lives. If we come up against these soul shaping, soul changing pressures and give up, we are not going to realize the success and the transformation that is possible for us. Your situation is bigger than just your dieting and losing weight. You can't focus on the one boulder in front of you and ignore the 3 bigger ones behind it, totally blocking your way.
I could write several pages worth of info. on what you can do with the diet to be healthier physically but then you are still ignoring the other parts of you like emotionally. Our health is a wholeistic thing, you can't section it out and say if we fix our physical health we'll be fine. Todays medical people only look at just the body rather than naturopathic drs and eastern medicine that looks at the total person physical, mental, emotion and spiritual.
When you are ready to remove yourself from your negative situation as I did by leaving the ex, then will be the time to focus on regaining your wellbeing and health and I have lots of suggestions for that time. So write in again once you are ready.
Summer is coming! :) This year I want to try a "monokini" but I am nervous. Are they easy to wear? Do they stay on good? Anything you can tell me about wearing one?
Didn't know they were back in style. My mom wore one in the 80's and never had a problem with it. Shows you how seldom I go shopping. Now that I know they're making em, thats what I'm getting this summer.
Just do the same thing I do, try on the swimsuit (You have to keep your undies on, but once you're wearing it, do all sorts of contortions while wearing it to see if it slips anywhere or your chest becomes exposed. What works for one female in a cut and style may not work for another.
I am a male 52 yr old and absolutely adore large labia and never had the pleasure of meeting a woman with large labia. I dont know why women are so up tight about it. Men are not the same in size or thickness so do they worry about it
The why is a combination of being suckered in by the media and having an unrealistic model we want model ourselves after to be to be perfect for men and women just not liking their selves or having a low self image.
Its a matter of not really thinking for ourselves because if we really did the research, we'd realize by looking at the paintings of nudes in other centuries and the pin up girls of the 40s/50s, that what society thinks is "IN" and acceptable and sexy in a woman has changed throughout the ages. If the standards keep changing, doesnt that give reason to the fact that all it was is the most popular or influential people of the times portraying or maybe dictating what "beauty" is and this includes private parts too. Beauty has always been in the eye of the beholder not in what media trys to tell us it is. I don't look like TV's models, but guys come out of the woodwork all the time on facebook, finding me on a friends 'friend list' and writing and saying how pretty I am and they are looking for someone to date, no matter that my status shows I have my man already. I am old enough to have learned that someone can be 'eye candy' on the outside, but its who they are on the inside that either makes them really desirable or not.
Ever heard of Emmanuel, James? I have. He makes his books really expensive, like, $200 claiming only the “rich and privileged" could read his book. What kind of conceited, selfish,disgusting pig creates (this is based on reviews) an overpriced 10 paged book that only talks about how you wasted your money but you're rich and don't care and now can brag. Apparently, this dude thinks the rich are above all other people and they should be treated better. Can someone please tell me a way I can contact this @$$hole and tell him off?
I'm with Rahzie, the guy isn't worth your attention, its just a gimmick.
Instead of worrying about what others are doing and getting angry over people whom you have no ability to influence to chance, try instead to ask yourself why you get so angry at others anyways.
People just plain old hate change, even you and I. We hate a change of address, change of jobs or schools, even if its something for the better...especially if it involves bettering ourselves on the inside. We are like hobbits, comfortable in our little hobbit hole and don't want anything to be different because its....SCARY!!! Yes, people of all ages battle this to some extent or another. By time we are adults, we may not like change but if we know its for a better living location or the painful and scary change in our personality for the better, then we kinda bite the bullet and push ourselves through and once out on the other side, and the experience of the change is over, at least I know I ask myself, why did I fight it so hard.
I know this sounds off topic from what you wrote about but the fact that you're so tee-d off at someone you can never change and you're venting steam at him will make no difference, tells me something about where you are at in life.
As long as you are focused on what everyone else is doing and let your mind get all worked up about that, you won't have to look at yourself and see where you can possibly improve as a person. I am in my 50's and still making changes and improvements for the better. It can be a life long process.
I am not saying you're a terrible person and need to fix your self. This is nothing different that what grade a student in school gets. An A student knows they get it perfectly and don't need to improve what they studied just study new things now. A "B" student knows that they can do a little better, and easily be an A student. And what about a D or and F=failed. If one failed at a subject, the grading system is nothing more than like an indicator light on the cars dashboard showing where there is a problem and so of course you focus the attention on yourself to work on areas that you can improve on.
The anger you focus in this direction may be due to angers and frustrations from other areas of your life where you felt you had no control over to change and perhaps that is so if you are not yet an adult in age. A build up of anger, and taking things personally like this, is going to need an outlet which isn't always directed at what caused it to begin with. You have a choice in life that no matters what happens to maintain control over your emotions and learn how to respond rather than react. A reaction is instantaneous action without thinking of consequences or thinking the whole thing through, while a response looks at it from all possible angles and whether its worth getting involved or what kind of action is needed if at all.
There is a boy I really like so I asked him out to the dance and he said no because his family was going to whisler and he wasn't allowed, then I heard from one of my friends that he is going to the dance. My friend later that day told me he woulnd't go out with me because I was to FAT!!!!!
Apparently this dance hasnt happened yahppet. So you won't know if its true that he is actually going to the dance until you go and see him there. Perhaps he isn't.
Then there's this fact: If he was going but didn't want to go with you for the reason that he thinks you're too fat, tell me how would a close friend of yours happen to know. That must be one helluva grapevine at your school if he said that and every student now knows. How do we know that "Your" so called friend was just assuming in their head why he might not want to go to a dance with you and based it on their actual opinion of you. It could be your friend thinks you're fat.
Either way, don't count on anything you hear passed down. Only trust what you hear from the original person. And then, take into account their age and their ability to be easily manipulated by the media or by their peers. The reason why so many teens are so criticizing of others and believe that guys aren't interested in girls who don't look like those portrayed in the media, is because the pre-frontal cortex of their brains hasn't developed fully yet and wont be complete until the mid 20's and I'll bet they're a long way off from being 25 or older.
The truth is, what a guy is attracted to a just a matter of personal preferance. Some don't like thin girls like me, I've seen them go for the heftier built girls because thats what attracted them. Some people prefer brunettes over redheads and blondes, maybe they are attracted to someone with an accent, maybe they like taller rather than shorter...these are personal tastes and don't make one thing preferable over another. As has been explained, teen boys are driven by their hormones and are pretty selfish, immature and make lots of mistakes that they wish they hadn't once they gain maturity with age. I have heard guys say they regret how many relationships they ruined or the girls they never dated but for most, there isn't a 2nd chance. So don't worry about the opinions of anyone your age, they really dont know any better and are the worst ones for you to give any weight to what they say.
The good aspect to this is that you learned something dear. Being attracted to someone by what you see on the outside and liking them does not mean that they are a nice person or have a good personality and morals on the inside. Remember this as you get older. If someone asks you out, spend time getting to know the person by hanging out with them, don't immediately decide to go to the status from dating and checking each other out to being in a relationship until you know he is worthy of being in a relationship with you.
There's this boy in my school who is 16. We are close friends and he says I'm like his little sister. Yesterday I split up with my boyfriend and he started talking to me he said he was fat and I said prove it (we always say it joking around) so he sent me a picture of him with no top on and in his boxers and he told me to prove I'm not fat so he convinced me to send him a picture of my belly. Then he said he's sad because my picture wasn't like his and I said I can't take my top off to take a pic of my belly and he put you can. I said no and he was trying to convince me for half an hour before he finally said okay and I don't know what to do? Wether to tell someone? But the hardest part is he has told me he likes me and.. I might like him to ?.. I don't know wether to carry on talking to him or notv someone tell me what I should do? Much appreciated
Advice man is right, he is too old for you. Four years difference is not a big thing once you're in your 20's but at your age...it is a big deal because kids grow physically and mentally in maturity by leaps and bounds from your age until they graduate high school.
The fact is, very few guys who are juniors or seniors even want to be seen with a girl your age let alone are wanting to be friends with her.
The fact plain old is that he is taking advantage of your age and lack of experience to cajole you into giving him something that satisfies him sexually. At some point, pics wont be enough (yes they're illegal) and he'll want to kiss and touch you. Eventually the touching wont be enough and he'll want full on sexual intercourse. Drop him now. Tell your parents too. It doesnt reflect bad on you. You didn't do anything to cause this.
At your age, you may feel adult enough to handle this on your own dear, but its a scientific and medical fact that the frontal lobe of the brain responsible for some good decision making isn't fully developed until our mid 20's. You are far from 25 yet and so will need help and advice. You started by writing us here which is a good move girl! But you need to talk to the parents next because they are closer to you and better able to help you handle some aspects of this that we can't.
Good luck.
I'm 15 and my friends(a little older than me) have been dating all that stuff.
I'm homechooled,and I live in a really small town so I don't really know any guys, and I really don't have much of a desire to date.
My family is Christian(I even live across the street from my church) and conservative.
I was wondering about when I have a boyfriend. I would have no idea what to do since I've never dated before, And considering that my freinds have already done sexual things, I'm worried he'd pressure me.
I would much rather wait to lose my virginity(preferably till marrage),I don't want a relationship to be all about sex and making out and stuff, I want it to be like we're best friends and all I really need is a guy who is nice, has a sense of humor, and treats me well.
I don't know...I guess I'm just afraid that when I do get a boyfriend he'll try to pressure me to do stuff I'm not ready for and I might not be able to say no... I'm really shy and I just don't know how to talk to guys either...
Storage and disposal told you everything I would have said in pretty much the same words.
I understand being in a Christian family and the churches views on dating. I come from that background myself.
So I would like to bring up how church views can affect dating and a future marriage in a negative way.
There is much positive to having a goal of waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse. However, I have seen to church attempt to squash males being subjected to anything that might give them an arousal which is a bunch of crap. Not only will they see far worse in the world they have to interact in but young men tend to have find their penis aroused for no particular reason at all, definitely doesnt have to be sexual. He could be working with dad in the home workshop and get an arousal. Trying to totally eliminate any romance or avoidance of acknowledgement of our having a sexuality is harmful. I attended two church weddings where the couple getting married had never kissed or held hands or hugged. The bride was so scared in one she fainted in front of the pastor. Both marriages were annulled because both people had no sexual desire for each other and a fear to have sex. Thats one extreme. I waited until my wedding night to have sex the first time as I am sure you plan on. For me, it was a disastrous situation. Both of us were sexually mismatched. Neither of us could get aroused by each other and how often we wanted sex was totally different. We read Christian books on sex and marriage and still couldn't fix it. End result of the one thing I want to tell you, yes you want a guy with the same ideals who wants to wait with you til wedding night but both of you are not afraid of the feelings of desire you have, not afraid to kiss and cuddle because of those feelings of desire. You just both exercise control and not let it go further. however, if you don't feel a sexual desire for the person you are dating or engaged to, then something is seriously wrong and you can't find out if you have that desire for a guy by avoiding some things like simple touch, how does it feel when you kiss, hug, touch each others hands. The way two people connect in a kiss can tell you alot. So please set your boundaries with a guy but be sure you do feel sexual desire for him or you will have a sexless marriage or unfulfilled one sexually and it is way more important than you would think. Sex is good for stress relief, and a good sexual practice is a good preventive for those parts not getting a work out, it tends to prevent problems in older age such as collapsing bladder, vagina, etc... A female gynecologist could usually tell which clients had a sex life and which didnt by the amount of gynecological/female problems they had . The ones with none or little sex had all the problems. Any part of the body that doesnt get exercise and use will have problems down the road. I know this was long but I couldnt think of any other way to encourage you not to fear the feelings of desire.
Hi, I have been in a live-in relationship for 4 years. (Both in our 40's) We live in Canada. My boyfriend who likes to drink every night (5 or 6 beers) maybe more on the weekends. My concern is not the drinking right now. Its my job. He likes to invite certain people who also like to drink over to our house in the middle of the week. They come over around 8pm and drink until around 12. I do have a few drinks as well but had noticed lately that it has been affecting my work. I call in sick the next day or I'm exhausted at work and cant function fully. I'm gaining weight and I feel awful. I tried talking to my boyfriend on numerous occasions asking him to hold off during the week and how this affects me. He says he understands and agrees with me then when the next week comes, they call and he answers the phone and lets them come over again. I'm not a big drinker, even on the weekends when I'm off I may just have 1 glass of wine or nothing. I cant keep up with this anymore. My job is important to me and I have people that rely on me at work to do a good job. The only peace I do get is when my job requires me to travel which is once a month for a few days. Where I can get good sleep and rest. I am losing sleep over this, tossing and turning at night worrying. I have turned off the phone on week nights sometimes just so he doesn't answer it. But I hate doing that in case people are trying to get a hold of us in case of emergencies. Do you have any advice? I have no one here to talk to. We live in a remote area in the north. Really small community where everyone talks. I appreciate any advice. Thank you to all.
Why always the buddys coming to your place to drink? Why can't he go join them at their place for drinks? If his buddies are single, there's no reason why the group can't go hang at the place of one of the single guys. If these buddies have wives or girlfriends, I'll bet the lady put their foot down and said that she won't put up with it and they know not to even try.
You on the other hand have been way too accommodating. Drinking on the weekend is one thing but it wouldn't have been unreasonable to say to the guys that there will be no drinking during the work week.
If he has agreed with you and doesnt want to be the "bad guy" with his friends next time they call, tell him to hand you the phone and you will tell his friends. This may be the reason he caves in and agrees to them coming over. If he hangs up before you get a chance to say anything, tell him to call them back and put you on the line.
If your boyfriend is unwilling to do this for your sake and the sake of your job, then his love for you is "conditional", he'll do the right thing and loving thing for you as long as he agrees with it and it doesnt crimp his style. Thats not real love...which is by the way, unconditional.
Turning off the phone isn't the best way to deal with the situation. The best way is to face it head on by doing as I said above. An unplugged phone means that you have found a way to avoid looking like the bad guy, or maybe an avoidance to developing a back bone and making your stand. I don't know you...thats just a guess. Not trying to pick on you...just talk reality. I used to not stand up to the husband in the beginning of an abusive marriage. I know that wimping out is a great possibility here.
Beers are known for making a person gain weight, especially as often as and how much are consumed by all of you. So that explains the weight gain.
Another thing, you can lie to us here at advicenators and we won't know the difference, we might suspect something but cant truly prove it,
however, do not lie to yourself. You do know whether you drink too much and exactly how much and how often. I just wonder when you write something like " I do have a few drinks as well but" and the opposite view of "when I'm off I may just have 1 glass of wine or nothing. 1 or zero is not equal to "a few" which implies 2,3 or 4 or more. Something does not add up here.
I know that you aren't ready for me to bring up the drinking because you said, its not of concern to you. I think it should be.
Your story is one of "Cause and Effect". You are focused on the effect such as how you are effected in job performance. There are two important elements of comprehension: what happens in your story and why it happens. You can not solve or find a solution for whats happening with work until you focus on dealing with what is causing it.
Since you wrote in, even though not asking me to address it, I can't in good conscience not mention the following. I am re-printing it here and then providing the link in which I found it.
"Alcoholism is a primary illness or disorder characterised by some loss of control over drinking, with habituation or addiction to the drug alcohol, causing interference in any major life function, e.g. health, family, job, spiritual, friends,legal.
Notice there that it doesn't say anything about how much you drink. So having a drinking problem isn't defined by quantity - but rather loss of control, which ultimately causes problems in other areas of your life, i.e. health, work, relationships etc."
http://www.alcoholism-and-drug-addiction-help.com/definition-of-alcoholism.html
I wish you the best dear.
my hymen not break yet but I want to get pregnant am i pregnant?
A hymen has nothing to do with getting pregnant or with interfering with getting pregnant or preventing pregnancy. I know that in most states there is very little sex education or it is not offered any more so know we have a generation of people who know next to nothing about sex and that is a very dangerous thing. There is study required for many things in life one wants to do. Drive a car? You can't just get in one never having done so before and navigate well or know how to use the controls or even basics of how to replace oil when low, tire pressure and re-filling the gas tank or wiper fluids. That has to be taught and learned. Same thing with sex and pregnancy.
You are going to need to begin to self teach and study all you can get your hands on regarding sexuality. I will give you a good start here with some links. There is much to be found on the internet. If You're not much into reading, then view and listen to the many instructional videos out there...you just gotta figure out what words to put down for a search on the net. Its much easier than you may think. I can put in half a qoute I remember and the search will bring up all sorts of hits. I can put in a sentence like "how not to get pregnant" and lots of hits come up. So don't be afraid to use it. Once the results come up, go to the left side of screen where it says Web and under it Images, Video, Shopping, Maps, Blogs, More. Choose video and then go through them. or change the words slightly in the search and try again. I do that all the time.
How does a woman get pregnant--by Planned Parenthood
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRpKabYJ8bU
Here's a video on the hymen with a homemade model to explain what it actually is:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA
Hymens don't break, they don't pop or explode. It's strips of skin that are elastic, like rubber bands. Even rubber bands have their limit. If you pulled a new one quickly in opposite directions are far as you could make it go, a rubber band that has been previously unstretched, you risk a chance of it ripping or tearing. Your skin is the same way. So if you use lots of lube and have the man enter very slowly and not force his way in, then you give the skin a chance to stretch out slowly to get used to it.
If you have been engaging in sex without any birth control, there can always be a chance that you are pregnant. (A pregnancy test will determine if you are or aren't pregnant)
People of a wide variety of ages end up pregnant. Not all are of an age, or maturity or financial status to be able to take care of a child. You say nothing about yourself. Having a baby is not like trying on a new outfit. Once you've given birth, unless you're giving up for adoption, this is going to be a life long commitment. Think twice before you go down that road. If you decide you are not ready, then get on birth control. They can help you with that at Planned Parenthood. Otherwise, enjoy the studying up on sex and your bodys sexual parts, the males, how one becomes pregnant and how to avoid pregnancy.
Good luck.
I feel really sad when I see people who have Alzheimer's I tear up, but for some reason if I think of someone who maybe has cancer or AIDS I don't feel as bad. Why is this?
I can't say why you feel that way but for myself, I feel the worst thing I could lose is my mind and memory.
I watched my husbands grandma go through this.You feel totally helpless cus you can't remember your loved ones. They are all strangers to you. The place you're living in is a strange place and you feel you don't belong so you try to escape. No place looks familiar anymore. Even sometimes, the clothes you are wearing you think are not your own so you begin to remove them right then and there whether appropriate or not. You can no longer make any decisions for yourself.
A person who has a terminal illness knows they may die but until the day they die, they still have their memories and know when loved ones are gathered around to help them and encourage them. They know where they are and still make choices as to what they want to eat and wear and they still know where home is and how to find it.
Neither situation is preferable over the other, both are terrible situations to find yourself or others in, but there is something about having ones mental capacity no matter how much one is suffering.There is fear in both situations but absolute "terror" when you don't know who you are anymore or anything else. Our memories and our knowledge are a precious thing.
Recently, I started date one of my oldest friends. We started catching up last September, and we realised that we like each other. We decided to give dating a shot, and it worked out really well. He is everything I want in man; he is passionate, kind, considering, and has the biggest heart. Yes, we had our arguments; sometimes it was my fault and sometimes it was his fault. However, the biggest problem is me, you see I lied to him, more than once; and he forgave me more than once. Every lie I told him was ridiculous, and I don't know why I did so. By me promising that I will never lie will not solve anything and he will not believe me. I know I screwed up big time, and I know he is willing to give me another chance, but I truly do not know why I lied to him. I do not know how to fix my mistake. I told him that the only thing that can solve this issue, is for me to work on myself more, and for me to show him in time that he can trust me again. But I don't know what else to do other than that, because promises won't mean anything, saying sorry won't solve anything, and even if I am working on myself (i.e. my issues), does not mean that we can move forward in out relationship.
Yes, I lied, and I am sorry, but I don't have a justification to my lies, and honestly, if I was him, I wouldn't believe any of the "reasons" that I would give him.
What am I supposed to do now? How are we supposed to move past this?
It sounds like you already realize that lying is not a good practice. Do you do this just with him or do you fib and lie in other situations in life too? If only with him, perhaps you don't feel worthy of him and areik trying to make up for it by lying and attempting to make yourself look better to him? It may not be something you consciously do but subconsciously. Your subconscious mind could have some insecurities and is trying to overcompensate for them in this way which is of course not a good way to go.
I think you already know that lying breaks trust and trust is very fragile. Once broken, it takes a very very long time to rebuild.
Making a promise with your words is not going to work for you or him because something deep down inside of you is spurring you on to do this. Until that is discovered and dealt with, no matter how much you want to stop, you wont be able to. You just might by sheer effort be able to stop cold turkey. I wont say it can't be done. But if it was easy, all the cigarette smokers who want to quit would be able to do so tomorrow.
Dealing with what is causing you to do this then is not something that you can do yourself, this is something that requires professional help. You can try counselors or hypnotist counselors who can discover what is causing you to subconsciously continue to lie. Humans are complex creatures and just because there is something subconsciously causing you to do this does not in my mind equate you to being a terrible person or some mental case requiring a counselor. We all have stuff like this we deal with, stuff in our subconscious that cause us to do things we shouldn't or to not do certain things that we should be doing. Just some stuff has a bigger impact on the lives of others around you and can't be ignored.
Counselors are equipped to deal with stuff like this that causes "bad habits" or "addictions".
So end result, I can't think of any way that you can just move past this without some professional help. Good luck dear.
So my bestfriend and i were so close we did like everything together..then she met her boyfriend and ever since then we never hangout..we didnt really before but now..we dont even see each other outside of school..shes always with her boyfriend if they arent hanging out..theyre texting each other none stop. She takes him everywhere ( skiing, niagra falls, resturants, etc)..theyve had more sleepovers than her and i and when i ask if she can hangout all she replies with is " idk"..we were suppose to hang this march break..bascially 2 weeks off and shes always made up an excuse to not hangout.. and then she says she cant hangout this march break..like she cant do anything for me..she never tells me anything and im really sick of it. She treats me like shit. The rest of my close friends all agree with me that its not right that she hasent fixed anything..because i tell her. all the time about how i feel and she just makes it about her ..she doesnt listen to what im saying. I just really dont know what to do anymore
This is part and parcel of what a new relationship is like for all of us. We will over-focus on the new relationship because of what it feels like and forget about or neglect other areas of our life either sometimes, or all the time. This usually occurs during a period called the NRE, New Relationship Energy. Teens experience it as well as adults. Its just that with adults, theres a bit more maturity and life experience AND responsibilities they have to attend to so adults are able to keep a more balanced perspective here though it does nothing to lessen the intensity of the draw to be with their new love. So how long does this period last? It can be a handful of weeks or last months or maybe in rare cases a year if the couple doesnt have enough time to spend together. With the amount of time they are spending, in time they will come out the other end and the intensity of the attraction will drop down to more normal levels at which point they both have time for their friends again or the two of them don't like how the relationship feels and realize they are not a good match after all and break up, something common when NRE wears off. Its easy to think some guy is perfect for you and loves you because of NRE, and discover otherwise once it wears off. I can't say how it will go for your friend but in time, you and all your friends will experience it for the first time and likely many more times in your life. I know it feels like you've been abandoned and ignored and treated rudely.
But NRE is like a drug, in fact people can get so addicted to that feeling that they date until the feeling wears off, break up and go for the next person to find their next "NRE" fix. I am not kidding here dear. I've read about it in science and psychology reports and studies. You will understand better whats going on and why it was so easy for her to ignore you and find no time for you when you go through it. You may not handle it at all as bad as she has though but you'll still understand better. Be willing to forgive once she comes to her senses. A true friendship can weather these tough times and continue on after you get back togehter. Can't say how soon that will be. Unless something is really wrong mentally in her life, she should eventually come around.
Blessings.
I'm 16, turning 17 in a few days. I have a 1yr old. and I believe I'm addicted to sex. I started when I was 15. I didn't start having actually sex til after my daughter. I have had sex with around 15 guys. I have never had sex with more then one guy at a time but some say they ran a "train" on me. which never happened. I have had sex with a set of brothers but at SEPARATE times, I REGRET IT ! I have had one night stands and regret that also! alot of the dudes I've had sex with were my regrets!! Sex makes me happy, but not all the time. Am I a whore for this??
You mentioned believing you are addicted to sex. There is such a thing as sexual addiction and it follows a downward spiral much like any other addiction, drugs, alcohol, gambling....
Here is a link for you to look over and decide if you fit the profile. If so, and you want help to overcome the addiction, then go for it.
I remember reading a study of teen girls who were doing the same as you, guy after guy and the study tried to determine what was compelling all of them to do this, if there was anything they all had in common. It turns out, it wasn't as much the sex that they were going after rather than trying to experience love and attention from a male. They were all trying to compensate in some way for growing up without a father, a father figure, or having a dad who did not make himself available to spend time with the kids, so they did not have much of a relationship even though there was a father.
Having a father around is a very important step for teen girls. When they first go through puberty and learning to become aware of their femininity, they first end up craving the approval of their father, a male who can honestly tell them that they are a very beautiful daughter and that she will turn the heads of all the young guys. A teens self image suffers from insecurity easily so positive input from dad is important, along with his love and hugs. I remember as a teen needing more hugs from my dad than my mom.
I don't know if this is the case for you. You wouldn't be consciously aware that it affected you is the situation is yours, but it can be affecting your subconscious mind.
The question is, are you happy and content with being this way or would you prefer to find a man that instead of giving you sex for a night wants to make love with you for the rest of both your lives because of how deeply in love with you he is.
Depending on where you're at, is whether you keep on doing the same or look to make changes and you will need input and possibly professional advice.
Keep in mind that you have a child that should be the top priority now in your life. Whatever you do will affect her. Too much time spent with guys away from her, and she sees too little of you. or worse, you could catch a disease, or hiv and she could lose you. You're at an age where you still need the help of adults as sounding boards, and guiding help in your life. Begin to reach out to those who are closest in your life or know you best if you want help. Good luck.
First off I eat healthy(my moms a doctor so I KNOW what healthy is) and exercise and I don't have a thigh gap. My friend on the other hand, all she eats is junk food. She's pretty and thin and could be a model. I thought eating healthy would make you thin??????????? Help
She may have a higher metabolism. Some people can eat anything and hardly exercise and yet are thin because their bodys metabolism runs at the highest level burning off all calories. However just because she is thin doesnt mean that eating junk food isn't going to catch up with her one day maybe sooner than later. You can't see whats going on inside her body. A thin person can get clogged arteries as easily as an overweight one.
So don't be jealous of her. Just continue to do what you know works for your body. high metabolism people can get away will little exercise, while others have to do twice the amount of exercise to maintain the same figure and a third body type has to exercise extremely hard all the time because they have a very slow metabolism so you compensate for it by increasing amount of activity and exercise. I know its not fair but thats the way it is.
These sites that offer to introduce you to women from other countries... are they all scams or is it possible to meet someone you really love this way without being hurt or ripped off?
My only experience hearing about this is through my dad. When mom divorced him, he first decided to look for a female from Mexico in personals. This was 30 years ago. The company that put all the legal stuff together seemed to be on the level. He had no troubles with them. But I am sure there are companies that can and will rip you off.
The female herself may be the problem. Dads spanish speaking female arrived and lived with him for a couple months. They were not married. In the short time she was with him, she began to hunt for relatives she had in Texas and as soon as she found them, she disappeared. All he knew is she began corresponding with them and since he didnt know Spanish well and she didnt speak English it was impossible for him to know what she was planning. So he was the sucker that paid her way to get into the U.S. and once here, she took off. You might have to consider that a possibility.
In todays world with a tight economy everyone is looking to make a buck whether legally or illegally. The illegal ones seem to be on the increase from stuff I have been seeing online or reading. You may think its glamorous to get someone from another country but trying to meet people long distance whether this way or through dating sites is an illusion and there is no way to discover if they are on the level and who they claim to be. It is too easy to lie and present a false front. You may be better off looking for a U.S. citizen who is Russian in heritage and find her on a dating site and take it from the on line to the real life dating asap. The web is only the tool to bring you both to each others attention. The longer its online, the more theres a chance of it becoming entirely a fantasy. Do you want a fantasy or do you want a real woman in your life? Keep this in mind as you make your decisions.
Good luck.
Hi Dragonflymagic,
Thanks for your response, and kind words about my maturity! I have a little more to add if you've got the time.
I really can't just lay down the law with my parents and walk away. They help pay for college, and I'm on their insurance, and at least for now while I don't have a car, it's their car I borrow when I'm home.
This summer I had the option to move up in my job - instead of a suburb office, I could be in the corporate office which is in a major city. They told me NOT to do it, because they thought it would be too hard to figure out the logistics. I on the other hand didn't want to pass up this opportunity!
I found an apartment very nearby that was safe, affordable, and had a lot of amenities, and presented all the information to them. They said no, that I was to work in the suburb office. Finally I convinced them to let me be in the major city, but they insisted that I would commute. And not with a car - my dad would drop me at the train station on the way to work, and then pick me up from the station on his way home from work. I am trapped and controlled by their time schedule. Last summer, though, I would be threatened with "you won't have the car at all this week!" which would screw me over for work, and now I feel it's going to be "you won't get a ride to the station tomorrow!!" so they are still going to be able to make sure I comply with everything they demand. I'm hoping to make friends in the office who maybe have a place in Boston so I can stay over there sometime? It's just dealing with whatever consequences when I come home that's the issue.
Any other advice sparked after knowing a little more would be appreciated! Thanks so much for your time!
Geez dear, this kinda changes things. If the parents are the ones paying, then it makes you beholden to their wishes and whims according to them. Parents who attempt to continue to make decisions and "TELL' their kids what they will do are not being the best parents they can be. No one should be telling you what to do at this point anymore.
I remember one gal whose parents were paying for college and threatened to stop paying if she did not dump the boyfriend she had.
This is very controlling behavior and not healthy or normal.
I am sorry to hear this is your situation.
As I see it, you have to decide if what you are getting out of this, is worth what you are having to give up and put up with. What I mean is, is it worth giving up control of your life and all decision making for yourself in exchange for their place to live, their car to use and their paying for college? For some kids, they won't care and will agree to these conditions.
I already know you don't like it. So what is the option? Not allowing them to controll and decide for you. But you know what that means don't you? There is something you will have to give up their place to live, use of their car and their money paying for college.
I can't tell you how to work it out but this will be a conversation for you and the boyfriend to have together. I suspect that you value your freedom to make your own decisions and thats why I won't tell you what to do. There is no reason that you can't switch ypur plans for schooling, quit for now with the plan to finish later and go for working for this company full time if they will do that or elsewhere fulltime. You will have your car much sooner in this case and one problem solved. Travel to work can be done by bus or once working, see if the company promotes a ride share program and if not, post something on the bulliten board what hours you work and that you're looking for a ride to and from and will help pay gas. I used to do that for a while and it worked great. You either have a back up driver for days the main one is sick or on vacation, etc...or use a bus. Life becomes a bit of a hassle and maybe a bit harder but you would have control of your life back and not owe your parents anything or give them a chance to get their hooks in you to tug you the way they want.
You'd have to decide if you work full time or part time, if you put off school for a while or take a few classes here and there part time. I have daughters who worked part time and paid their way through community college part time but one lived at home and the other had lots of roommates and an apt.
Its scary to let go of any help you're getting from the parents but the cost they're wanting you to pay in return is a bit unreasonable and way to high a cost to pay in my opinion. I am sorry you don't have supportive parents. So in your case, its let go of the safety net and go on your own or stop complaining and give your life over to them to try to mold you and control you into someething they want, maybe something that they never got a chance to become themselves.
Warning, going against who you are and pretending to be someone or comply with standards that aren't you, will be stressful and the stress WILL at some point come to breaking point at which time you begin to develop a physical problem, illness because of the stress or you crack emotionally and become depressed, and such. So giving them control will "f**k you in the end result by bringing these issues about as a result of cause and effect. So in reality, neither path will be easy for you. Using parents or cutting off all their help. The only differance is that in one, you have control over your life and in the other you don't. Thats what your real base decision is. How bad do I want control of my life.
Hi! I am worried about my toddler seeming to be small for her age. Is there like, an average or something? Any way to compare my baby to other childrens growth? You know, like they have BMI for grownups is there something like that for little ones?
When my kids were taken in for immunizations or wellness visits with the pediatrician, their size and what percentile they were in was always addressed. I did not have to ask, its part of what a doctor automatically does. So I am guessing your child hasn't been to see the Dr. for a long time or you don't have medical care.
Here's some stuff thats to be found on the internet and you can find more by searching for "growth percentile for infants and toddlers" same as I did. Here's one
http://www.ehow.com/about_7217451_infant-baby-growth.html
and then heres the childrens growth calculator. Put in the numbers and it will calculate an answer for you.
http://pediatrics.about.com/cs/usefultools/l/bl_percentiles.htm
For weight. You can get close by using your bathroom scale and standing on it holding the child and saving that number, then stand on it by yourself and subtract that number. You may not have the few extra ounces but you will have the lbs and that helps.
Babies generally can be more chubby but once they start walking and are more active they slim down quite a bit and that is normal. If you have the opportunity to see many other children of the same age group regularly like at a mommys playdate group for the kids, and have noticed in comparison that your child is extremely small compared to others, then you may
Hi, I'm 21 and home from college for Spring break. I know it's probably an oddity that someone of my age is on here, but I used to use Advicenators a lot as a young teen, and thought perhaps the people on this site would come through for me again even years later. Bear with me, I promise these paragraphs lead somewhere.
My boyfriend lives about an hour away when we're both in our hometowns. When we are at school though, he has an apartment about 10 minutes off campus, and I live on-campus. We spend a bunch of nights together, most often at his place, because he has no room mates, and we can just do homework all night, cook meals, talk about whatever we want, and -dare I say it- fart... basically just live a stress-free life and function together as a couple.
We just began Spring break (there are another 7 days left) and I really miss being with him. Now before you think this is just an "I miss my boyfriend" cry, let me talk it out. I don't text him all the time or ask him to call me every night or question if he really cares about me or any of that kind of insecure behavior - he stays in touch, will call occasionally because he knows I like it, and in return, I know he needs and deserves to have his time with his several close hometown friends that are not in college. Unfortunately, MY hometown friends from high school have all taken diverse paths in life - but all via the college route. Even if our Spring breaks did line up, we really are all different people now (which I know thanks to the ghost friendships I have with them through Facebook). So I'm kind of lonely when home, and as a result, just want to go see my boyfriend because he's the one who makes me not lonely. Simple enough.
So it occurred to me that there's got to be something that makes me engaged in MY community besides wanting to run off into his - I plan to volunteer locally, watch some documentaries to better my world knowledge, and of course, visit with my local, elderly family members while they're still around. I've actually done some of these things already. Still, it's tough to know that so many people I know at college are running off to tropical places for their Spring breaks, while I'm sitting here like "Yeah, I wouldn't have people I'd really want to go to Cancun with anyway. Nor would I have the money. I'm trying to buy a car at some point.." There just aren't people at school that I've found have the level of maturity along with similar interests and personality traits to be good friends with. I have some friends at school, don't get me wrong, but they just aren't the kind of people I'd be proud to introduce to, say, my boss or co-workers at the corporation I work at during the Summers.
Back to the money thing though, my boyfriend really doesn't have much money either. Typical of college students I guess, that the little money we can afford to spare from saved-up part-time jobs gets spent on some alcohol and $1 ice creams from McDonalds. I've never dated a man with money. But I've got a good one, and a cute one too.
Here's where I think my main problem is. At least the one that drove me to write this question:
Living with my parents when I come home for breaks is a TOTALLY different experience. Where "Ben" and I get up in the morning with enough time to get to class on the applicable days, but elect to sleep in when we can, my parents make me get up at 9am every morning just because "you should!" Where I can get dressed, use the bathroom, shower, send emails.. do what I need to do on my own managed timeline at Ben's, when I'm at home, I have people knocking on doors telling me to "go do this," and "how come you're taking so long" with that. My parents are also not the type of people to let me go stay with him for a few days (which would be nice because his family is much more like the lifestyle he and I have, and would be a much welcomed "Spring break" retreat). My parents hold me to exact times and expect asking for permission for everything - often modifying what I want to do for the sheer reason of keeping control. If they aren't concretely given all details about who, what, where, when, etc. within 24 hours of the activity, I don't even have a chance at getting their permission.
I've tried getting them to loosen their grip. I've been complying for years, but it is really getting in the way now. Luckily my boyfriend tells me "I'm dating you, not your parents," and doesn't let it affect him too much, but I know he's not comfortable the few times he's come over. It'd be much better if we could all laugh and joke and not worry about my parents being awkward and getting offended.
As to their tight grip on me, I've sat down with them and explained how grateful I am for all that they've done for me in raising me, and that I'm not rebelling, it's just that I've grown up and I need them to trust me and give me the respect of making decisions. After all, I've been doing it on my own for the last 3 years when I'm at school with flying colors - I've a GPA of 3.7!
So, my question:
** How do I properly cope with all the differences from being with Ben in our fun, relaxed, but still very responsible world, and then back home in my parents' strict world? **
Wow dear, for once, I have nothing really to add to all you have already tried and done. You have the perfect ideas to keep busy in your community, you've done the right thing in talking to the parents and calmly asking that they allow you to make your own decisions as an adult while visiting rather than being told what to do as if you're still a kid. I understand there being rules to be heeded while living or staying under the parents roof but they sound a bit too nosy and bossy.
If this is how they show they love you and miss you, they're going about it wrong. So since you are not going to be able to magically change them overnight, or your situation, the only thing you have control over to change is how you look at it, from the inside, your thoughts on it.
Here's one way to look at it and I know you can come up with more on your own. These are the parents you were given. You only have them in your life for a certain amount of time. If not old age, an accident could take one sooner. Probably while you were growing up, they were no different than they are now. The only reason you notice behaviors that are irritating now is because you have been away, experienced something different with your boyfriend, and also with his family to be able to make these comparisons. You had nothing to compare to before. If its important to you to be with your family and see them on breaks, then it looks like you'll have to accept them with their spots and wrinkles.
Then as for no real friends after high school, that is inevitable, all going their own ways. One of my daughter moped for a while too when she had no one to spend time with. She had to develope a totally new set of friends and started that by going to meetup.com for community meetings by particular hobbies or interest, such as for herself, yoga and natural healing. She met people with same interests of course as these groups. It doesnt sound like something you'd have time for while in college but a good idea for after.
If you find it too excruciating to be with your own family, then try to spend breaks with his family instead. I assume you live with the family too while working for a local business during the summer. You might start planning now on lining up another place to live for the summer months, that or find out if you could stay with his family and look now for a summer job in their area. I don't see any other options.
On the bright side, I was very impressed with how you explained yourself and your maturity and think that if your schedule would allow the time, you'd be great as another advice giver on this site. There's people of all ages. Some of those are in your age range and are better equipped to answer some questions that I have no clue what they are describing as I grew up in another era like your parents. I can answer most questions out of life experience but there'd always be a spot you could fill. Think about it.
Anyways, focus on what you do have that is special and wonderful like your guy Ben. Take care dear.
I am a 20 year female in reasonably good health.
For the past few years, I've experienced cramping, pain and stiffness in my fingersinternet pecifically my pinkies and ring fingers. I have not been able to extend them without discomfort. Within the last few months, I have now had the same sort of problems in my feet. The tendons and archs will cramp and spasm causing serious pain. This is starting to also happen in my hands (the cramping/spasms in my hands never happened before)
I went to a doctor before, told them what was happening with my hands, and they took xrays and said nothing was wrong.
In my career, I type a lot which would make sense for my hands cramping up and being stiff. But with it now happening to my feet, I am starting to get concerned.
Does anyone know what this could be? Thanks!
It may be high uric acid in your body. Here's a link that explains what it is like. Its also known as gout.
http://www.livestrong.com/article/189330-
what-causes-gout-in-the-foot/
Theres another article in the above one on how to treat it. Most is dietary, changes in what you drink and eat should help, if not...see a different doctor.
Cramps can be seen in a number of disorders including neuromuscular diseases, electrolyte abnormalities like low calcium, potassium or magnesium found in electrolytes. Electrolytes can be taken as a dietary supplement, i have them in capsule form, purchased at a health food chain where you can buy other types of natural health or homeopathic supplements. Although Gatoraid is known to have electrolytes, it has lots of added sugar. So thats not really going to help best.
Heres info on electrolytes.
You say the doctor took xrays, did he take blood test too? If he did, he may not have asked the lab what to check for.
See a new doctor and have them check you for low levels of electrolytes or check for high uric acid. There may be other causes that a medical professional should know to check for. But many medical people today are pretty helpless, do your research on line in addition to seeing a doctor. Give them as much information as you can
regarding your diet and lifestyle even if they don't ask. Volunteer the info. Don't take the Doctors prognosis of nothing being wrong as an answer. They are human and prone to error just as much as the rest of us.
It used to be that doctors knew what to ask for information from patients, I have found for myself and as a caregiver for all my clients when taking them to their Dr. appts. that 95 % of the time, the Doctor was rushed for time and, they have only that small space of time with you in which to solve your medical problem. They actually shrugged their shoulders and told us they have no idea whats wrong. Go home and if it continues, come in again. I gave them all the information I knew they needed to be able to make some educated guesses and run tests, information they didn't ask for. Western medicine doesnt train drs to look at a patient holistically, because not just the physical but the emotional and spiritual can affect our health too. However Naturopathic Drs. are trained that way and are better trained what to ask and check for and take more time to get to know their patients.
So, If you still have no luck with regular medical doctors, see if you can be seen by a Naturopath Dr. listed as ND instead of MD.
Good luck dear!
I'm in college. My mom was going to claim me on her income taxes, but they told her that someone already claimed me on theirs. We live in Texas. Does that mean that they have my information? Can they get caught?
They told me my mom she couldn't get anything since someone else claimed me.
Sometimes with divorced parents, there are issues as to which one is going to claim a college kid on a tax return. If your parents are divorced, that would be the most likely place to go first to check. If there is no dad who claimed you instead, then some one else did so.
There's always a chance that someone else claiming their own child put a digit down wrong. And that change made it your SS number. So it could be unintentional. And the IRS would have caught the discrepancy and be working with the other individual to correct their form and turn it in again.
If the IRS received someone elses return with your SS# on it, their system would catch it. Their machines will catch the fact that a soc. # from a previous return doesnt match the one they put and it will reject the tax return. It will also reject for missing signatures, an incorrect birthday and many other incorrect or missing info. reasons. I would know...the ex used to do tax returns. The only other person who would have your soc.# would be a parent or step parent, some family who knows your #. Is this is the case, you can't get it changed. If however it is due to an error that hasn't been corrected yet, then there is a possibility that your mom can still get a chance to claim you. This issue is best not handled on her own. SHe should seek out an income tax consultant and mention what her issue is and that she needs it looked into, thats if Dad didnt claim you, but not all income tax accountants may have dealt with something like this out of the ordinary. She'd be better off seeking out what is called an Enrolled agent, a tax person specifically trained by the IRS and can be the mediator to work with the IRS for her to get it corrected.
Good luck!