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Lazy couch potato
Hi, I feel as though I am in a rutt. I have gained 25 lbs over the year, stopped walking, took a new job being more sedentry. Im always hungry and always eating. I eat big meals. I am so unhappy in my relationship with this man who is a drinker and doesn't want to better himself. Iused to be so active in the past. Gym every mornig at 530 am. Active durring the day. I dont know where to start. I want to suppress my appetite and dont know what to take to help this? Does anyone have any ideas?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Hi there. Low mood, binge-like/comfort eating and a dwindling interest in appearance and things in general are pretty classic signs of lowering/low self-esteem. And onset of depression. Doctors look for signs like this, in fact more so than a patient self-diagosing depression/esteem issues and telling them 'I am suffering depression'. The relationship sounds pretty toxic. I believe you need to sort things out together or abandon it. Either will increase the pressure in the short-term, but try to look further ahead. Eventually, either way, things will improve. Carrying on regardless is likely to be a downward spiral, and the longer it goes on the harder breaking free will get. It is very easy to get into a low self-esteem pattern and it's self-destructive. The behavioural patterns and emotions you describe here are symptoms, not the cause. You need to treat the cause. If a friend described an identical scenario to you when your own self-image was in good condition I think you'd instinctively and intuitively tell her "It's your partner, he is dragging you down. You're losing your grip on things." Don't you?
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Some people stop eating when unhappy and others start eating. Your body and mind is geared to want to feel better and since the thing that came into your life that changed things for the worse for you is still there, of course, you are not going to 'really' feel better. But subconsciously your mind will valiantly try to at least distract you from your unhappiness by eating. Also, it may not be a full blown depression but not wanting to do the things you used to do like working out are indicators of possible depression.
We are responsible for our own welfare and happiness first. No one is going to come rescue us, we all must learn how to rescue ourselves. I had to learn that in a marriage to a verbally abusive man. So I know what I am talking about. I stayed a month or two shy of 30 years, always hoping that "something" would happen to make things better. The abuse was affecting my health, I was suffering constant tension headaches, some migraines and had ulcers not to mention lots of other stuff. It is the choices we make in life that place us in a spot that is not healthy for us physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
What can start as a good decision, such as my relationship, can end up changing along the way and getting worse and worse. We all need a positive environment to be at our top best too. A negative environment will wear us down in one way or another. As in my case again, instead of being worn down mentally as so many verbally abused are, falling into a trap of having little or no self esteem, I lost my physical health. The stress of my situation had to go somewhere. I kept my sanity only because of my deep belief in God. And that too was a reason I stayed in my situation, believing God could pull a miracle and heal my marriage, my husband and all would be well. But what didn't click for me, and perhaps hasn't for you yet is that God isn't going to rescue you, not because He doesn't care or love you, but because He has given us all a feel will. That free will is what your partner is exercising when he chooses to drink heavily. God does not take choice away from us. If we didn't have choice, we'd be nothing more than like robots, programmed or forced to do something.
So, you are in a negative environment, God isn't going to "Force" him to change and you like any human has no ability to change another human. So that leaves you with changing only yourself, your habits or removing yourself from a negative environment.
You want only to know how to suppress your appetite. Well it does sound like a good idea if there were no negative influences in your life on a daily basis that have impacted you this way. I did say change yourself. However, in your case I believe that no matter what you do to make changes to yourself, diet and start exercising and go places, and be more active, it won't last long because what caused it to come about in the first place is still there...unless you are not telling us about some emotional trauma from childhood that is beginning to finally crop up and affect you this way. Based only on what you shared, the man you are in relationship with needs to go, or you leave. Surround yourself with positive people and begin to soak up positive, healthy loving vibes from people who are into health. You can try it though by keeping the home situation as is. However when that fails, remember what I said.
As souls navigating life, we learn the lessons we need to by coming up against hardships, and difficulties and outright painful things. These are opportunities to learn to change, like carbon rock that came up against incredible pressures that changed it into diamonds. We are to be God's precious jewels in heaven with him one day. So naturally, our souls will have to successfully go through terrible, unhappy harsh road blocks that present themselves in our lives. If we come up against these soul shaping, soul changing pressures and give up, we are not going to realize the success and the transformation that is possible for us. Your situation is bigger than just your dieting and losing weight. You can't focus on the one boulder in front of you and ignore the 3 bigger ones behind it, totally blocking your way.
I could write several pages worth of info. on what you can do with the diet to be healthier physically but then you are still ignoring the other parts of you like emotionally. Our health is a wholeistic thing, you can't section it out and say if we fix our physical health we'll be fine. Todays medical people only look at just the body rather than naturopathic drs and eastern medicine that looks at the total person physical, mental, emotion and spiritual.
When you are ready to remove yourself from your negative situation as I did by leaving the ex, then will be the time to focus on regaining your wellbeing and health and I have lots of suggestions for that time. So write in again once you are ready.
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I see that in the past, you took good care of yourself, and this indicates that you must have been happy at that time.
What has changed? You are involved with a man who drinks.
This can put you into a crazy, carousel ride that just spins you in circles and gets you nowhere. Think about it, you possibly could be taking on this mans problems because you "care" about him.
Communication becomes stressful. Trying to talk to a drinker is nothing but a trial. You never know if he really means what he says. Drinking becomes priority over you, his hobbies, his whole purpose.
Have you ever made plans with your drinker only to be let down at the last minute because he is in no shape to do it? He is tipsy or off the deep end somewhere?
Have you ever needed to take care of him or step in to rescue him from all the things he does when he drinks? Do you find yourself making excuses for him?
Fun, huh? When you are with someone like that, it automatically affects you, your activities in life, and your mood. No wonder you are in a rut!
You have gained weight, and have started eating to supress the pain and worry over this situation. Your self esteem may be tied to his, or at least infuenced by him so much that he is literally bringing you down with him.
You must realize that the choice to live an unhealthy lifestyle is HIS. Dont make those choices yours, or go along with him, just to keep the peace.
Keep your independence. Be who you like to be, and keep your decisions for your life separate from his. If you want to go out and exercise, feel good, and improve your life, do it. Now! If he chooses to stay on the couch and drink up, say, "Okay Honey, see you later! Im going on my walk." and go! Dont feel quilty for any choices he has made to not better himself, that will be HIS problem to fix and deal with.
I am not saying -- Leave him! Sometimes you may not be ready to do that for many different reasons. Financially, your living situations at the time, or other more personal factors.
Lift yourself up, and get back to where you were before you knew him. By doing this, one of two things will happen:
1)He will see what you are doing and say, Damn this lady is moving up and moving on! I better step up on my game and be better too! OR
2) He will see you improving, and get intimidated, and mad, or simply not care. If any of this happens, you will feel even better about moving on, because this relationship will naturally no longer suit you, and you will find someone better without even having to try, I guarantee it!
You go, girl! Have faith, be strong. Be yourself. You are a beauty who needs to shed that old skin you have been wearing. Put on your REAL self, and shine. You will be back to your new, happy life in no time.
I would love to hear how this turns out for you, please keep in touch.
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You start by getting out of the unhappy relationship. This is what is causing you to be somewhat depressed and you compensate by overeating. You're using food for comfort, which is not good. You've gained weight which is making you lazy without any extra problems such as being depressed.
These are some of the classic sign of clinical depression. Now do you need therapy to overcome this depressive episode you may be suffering? Considering you have been this way for over a year you may need the help of a clinical psychologist. Then again you may be able to pull out of this by yourself.
IF the unhappy relationship is the primary cause of how you feel then ending that relationship should help you feel better. Once you get over the shock of ending the relationship, have yourself a quick pity party. Force yourself to get back in your old routine and to diet to lose those 255 pounds. Get up and go to the gym at 5:30 in the morning. Get back into the activities you use to be in.
You should also see your doctor. Why? First: It is important to have a complete physical before starting to exercise and diet. Second: Ask the doctor to screen you for depression while you are there. This will allow the doctor to judge if you are depressed and just how deeply depressed you may be. Based on that judgment the doctor may make a suggestion on therapy. Third: To rule out and physical reason for your weight gain and the way you feel.
I know ending your relationship is probably the last thing you want to hear. Put yourself in my shoes for a minute and ask yourself this question. Why would anyone want to stay in an unhappy relationship? If you were in a marriage that was unhappy I would not suggest the first thing you do is leave the marriage. But you are not married so why stay?
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