Member Since: January 29, 2014
Answers: 8
Last Update: March 18, 2014
Visitors: 1449
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Hi, I feel as though I am in a rutt. I have gained 25 lbs over the year, stopped walking, took a new job being more sedentry. Im always hungry and always eating. I eat big meals. I am so unhappy in my relationship with this man who is a drinker and doesn't want to better himself. Iused to be so active in the past. Gym every mornig at 530 am. Active durring the day. I dont know where to start. I want to suppress my appetite and dont know what to take to help this? Does anyone have any ideas? (link)
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I see that in the past, you took good care of yourself, and this indicates that you must have been happy at that time.
What has changed? You are involved with a man who drinks.
This can put you into a crazy, carousel ride that just spins you in circles and gets you nowhere. Think about it, you possibly could be taking on this mans problems because you "care" about him.
Communication becomes stressful. Trying to talk to a drinker is nothing but a trial. You never know if he really means what he says. Drinking becomes priority over you, his hobbies, his whole purpose.
Have you ever made plans with your drinker only to be let down at the last minute because he is in no shape to do it? He is tipsy or off the deep end somewhere?
Have you ever needed to take care of him or step in to rescue him from all the things he does when he drinks? Do you find yourself making excuses for him?
Fun, huh? When you are with someone like that, it automatically affects you, your activities in life, and your mood. No wonder you are in a rut!
You have gained weight, and have started eating to supress the pain and worry over this situation. Your self esteem may be tied to his, or at least infuenced by him so much that he is literally bringing you down with him.
You must realize that the choice to live an unhealthy lifestyle is HIS. Dont make those choices yours, or go along with him, just to keep the peace.
Keep your independence. Be who you like to be, and keep your decisions for your life separate from his. If you want to go out and exercise, feel good, and improve your life, do it. Now! If he chooses to stay on the couch and drink up, say, "Okay Honey, see you later! Im going on my walk." and go! Dont feel quilty for any choices he has made to not better himself, that will be HIS problem to fix and deal with.
I am not saying -- Leave him! Sometimes you may not be ready to do that for many different reasons. Financially, your living situations at the time, or other more personal factors.
Lift yourself up, and get back to where you were before you knew him. By doing this, one of two things will happen:
1)He will see what you are doing and say, Damn this lady is moving up and moving on! I better step up on my game and be better too! OR
2) He will see you improving, and get intimidated, and mad, or simply not care. If any of this happens, you will feel even better about moving on, because this relationship will naturally no longer suit you, and you will find someone better without even having to try, I guarantee it!
You go, girl! Have faith, be strong. Be yourself. You are a beauty who needs to shed that old skin you have been wearing. Put on your REAL self, and shine. You will be back to your new, happy life in no time.
I would love to hear how this turns out for you, please keep in touch.
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How can i lose this pouch on my belly? (link)
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I agree with the 6 small meals idea. Keeping your metabolism revved all day, with small, healthy meals is smart. It has worked for me.
Another thing to remember is your actual body structure. For example, my body is short, and I have wide shoulders and hips. I do not have a small waist, in fact I am quite square-shaped. I am not overweight, and wear a size 4 or 6. No matter how much weight I lose, due to my body shape or structure, I end up with a slight belly no matter what I do. Just because of the way I am built!
So, I say, no worries. I know I am healthy, thin and in good shape. Any other body issues that I cant change just must be celebrated.
If this is your case, dont sweat it. We all have body parts that are not ideal.
If this belly fat is something new, or not normal for you or your body type, then something can be done about it to change, most definitely.
Another question I have would be: Have you recently had a pregnancy or some medical condition that has brought on a change in some physical or chemical way? Have you started taking a new medication for something, or a new birth control regimen? How about stress level? All of these factors can account for extra belly fat where there wasnt before.
Try to figure out what may be causing it, and attack the problem from there. And in the meantime, love yourself with your belly and all!
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please someone tell me the easiest painless way to die.. i hate pain but i need to do this. (link)
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I hope you read this answer, and that it does not come too late.
Pain, for whatever reason, is unbearable sometimes. I find that it comes in waves. When I have been suicidal, I have had actual, physical pain in my chest, I shake uncontrollably, and cry so much that I get an awful headache and breathing problems. It is like living in hell.
All hope is gone, there are no solutions to be found, and you see bad outcomes to every idea you have.
Again, when I say that it comes in waves, it is because I have come out of it.....EVERY TIME.
Pray, pray, and pray until you exhaust yourself. When you feel yourself falling into that pit of despair, start praying. It will seem like you are not being heard, and that nothing is happening. No, there is nothing further from the truth. Every single time you pray, you are heard. No matter what you have done, how bad you think you are, and what sin you have comitted. You are never left alone. There is never a prayer said in vain. Believe me.
Ask for your pain to be alleviated. Then wait for it. You will be answered. It may take moments, or even up to a few days. But it will come.
With it will come clarity. Keep yourself open to the answers that will be presented to you. You dont say why you have such pain....but surrender to it. Let the wave come and go, knowing that it will come, then pass over you, and YES, eventually leave you!
When the wave has passed, you will be stronger, smarter, and more capable to deal with things than before. The pain you had will have taught you something. Now learn it, practice it in your daily life, and you will avoid that pain again because you will now have ways to cope with it, and the situation that was causing it.
You will see a better day.
Remember, you are never alone. The God you believe in is ALWAYS with you. Go on to your future being stronger, better and solid. I know you can.
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I'm sleeping with a married man, he has invited me to his son's graduation party at his home. Why would he do this? I have never been to his home, I have never met his wife. Although we have talked about his wife and his family, I always thought he wanted to keep me separate from his home life. I have no desire to ruin his life or out him. My place, for him, is a distraction, an ego booster, and a shiny new toy until he tires of me. (link)
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I think your last sentence really shines the light on the truth.
I have been there. I was the wife who had to fight to keep my marriage intact, all the while knowing about and even talking to my husbands mistress.
I admire your sentiment that you have no desire to ruin his life or out him. I know you didnt go into this situation with bad intentions, but without meaning to, you and this man have already ruined lives. Yours, his, and his familys. Hurt feelings abound in this situation on all sides.
The fact that he invited you to his sons graduation party shows me:
1) His ego is extremely huge. The fact that his wife, family and now his lover will all be there playing his game, makes him feel like "the big man!"
2) He has absolutely no respect for you, or his wife. You are only objects for him to manipulate and control for his own satisfaction. And God forbid, may either one of you have any hurt feelings or question his behavior! That would be unacceptable! Just be quiet, play your role and be a good girl.
3) This man has no morals. Adultery is one of the ten commandments, and he thinks he can get away with it, and drag you down with him? Good luck, because God sees everything.
I suggest you dont go to the graduation party. Keep your dignity. Going would only reinforce that you are his toy that he can have fun with.....and throw away when he gets tired of playing.
I am sorry for being harsh. I know that sleeping with a married man is exciting, and must have some benefit for both parties involved.
Just remember that you are a much better person than what this man thinks you are, and deserve better treatment. No woman is a toy, or a second choice.
If you feel like continuing the relationship with him, please do so discreetly. There is nothing more humiliating than a man parading his wife and mistress in front of his son.
My husband did the same not long ago. He moved in an apartment with his mistress, and took our daughter with him for a few days. This was devastating for our daughter. She has since disappeared for a week, we finally found her living with a boyfriend. She has dropped out of school, and has gone into a deep depression.
When we seem to enjoy ourselves with a fun, extramarital relation, we tend to not see how it affects others. Until it may be too late.
But the most important question is: How does this relationship affect YOU?
I hope that you find answers. This relationship doesnt have any respect or health in it.
I say, stay home, and give yourself some tender, loving care! Have a great time pampering yourself and remembering how special you are.
This mans behavior is simply disgusting. Take the high road, and dont put yourself down on his level.
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Lately, I've been having really scary dreams. Once I dreamed that I was watching babies drown, and in another dream, I was drowning in bubbly water. In another another one I had there was this crazy snake-lady trying to kill me. (Anyway, you get the idea) Now I'm scared to sleep, because I'm scared of what I'll dream. They feel really real too, like I'm actually in danger. Please help me! I'm really scared! (link)
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Dreams are powerful indicators of what may be going on in our waking life. The fact that you have dreams about drowning suggests to me that there's something happening in your life that you feel you cannnot control. The babies drowning, and the snake lady also seem to represent dangerous or threatening circumstances around you that you cannot deal with.
Try taking a deeper look at what may be going on in your life that causes you such deep stress. Or, it may be something inside of you that needs attention. Sometimes we have feelings that we cant control, such as rage, hurt, or sadness that overwhelm us.
I understand the fear that overtakes you when you want to sleep. You are worried about having another bad dream , and the feeling of how real they are to you!
While we cant control whether we have a bad dream or not, there are some things we can do to make us feel better if it does happen.
Say you have another scary dream. Okay, this time prepare for it. Light a candle next to your bed, keep it burning while you sleep, and say a prayer to the God you beleive in to guard you while you sleep. If you wake up in a panic, look at the steady, quiet flame of the candle and know that your God is there protecting you.
You might also sleep with a comforting body pillow or even a nice teddy bear. Waking up scared, you will have something soft and comforting to hug while you calm yourself down and get back to sleep.
Keep a phone handy next to your bed. Ask a friend or family member that you trust if they would be willing to take a phone call from you in the night time right after you have had a nightmare. Just hearing the voice of someone on the other end of the phone would bring you out of the fear of the dream, and back to the reality of being safe and sound in bed.
Last but not least, dreams may seem real during the time we experience them, and scary. But in the end, they are just dreams. Not real, and not able to hurt you.
Sleep well, and sleep with the confidence that whatever dream you have, you will wake from it and be just fine. Your life will go on as it did just before the dream. Dont give your nightmares the power to overtake you.
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hii..m from india.n 21 year girl.m in deep deep depression.becoz my best frend whom i considerd next to my family.my close frend forgot me.c iz nt crazy any more about me as c waz befor.we used to share every thing..we were in dis very bst frend relationship foir 4 years.bt now itz over.c moved to another city.n made new bestfrend..and i caant tolerate this.feeling lyk dying..m hopeless know.n me crying crying nd crying .cant concentrate on studies.my exam is at the door.bt i caant help myself.i have very few frends.bt dnt dare to ask for suggestions for dis.becoz they will make fun of dis.plz suggest what to do..plz (link)
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This is a very hard, sad thing to go through. It can seem like a death in many ways. The person you once shared everything with has now moved on and doesnt remember you or need you anymore. There is a huge feeling of being abandoned and forgotten. I know it hurts your heart. You now feel hopeless.
I suggest this: Take a few minutes, go to a private place where you can be alone, and write. Write everything you feel. Put down all the sadness, loneliness, and hurt down on paper. Use as many sheets of paper that you can, and exhaust yourself. Dont leave anything in your heart or mind, write it all! Then read it. But read it with emotion, cry if you need to, yell, scream out the pain. Do this several times if necessary.
Now, give yourself time to heal. Be good to yourself, and do things that make you smile. If this person has forgotten you, it is their loss! If they have forgotten such a good, devoted friend like you, they are the one who will regret it. Just remember that if you are such a caring, loving friend to this person, you will have no problem finding other people who will appreciate you, and even more. You will find true friends, who no matter what, will stand by you. Just give it a little time. You will see that soon, YOU will be the one who has forgotten this past "best friend" and has moved on.
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Hi. I've been with my partner for a year. I've lived with him since June 2013. I'm starting to think moving in was a mistake. Ever since I moved in, his mother and sisters kids control his life. We haven't been on an actual date because he'll bring mommy and sisters kids. If he doesn't, mom whines and cries and he'll pick them up. I feel like his moms his 2nd girlfriend. She always needs him and kids are always dumped on him. Parents never want to pick them up, so he's stuck with them. I'm always cleaning after his mom and sisters kids. She'll just sit and give orders. When I was contemplating breaking up with him, he'll cry to her and say you're not leaving him. She yells at me for not wanting to get pregnant. I'm starting to hate him and his family.What would you do? (link)
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Honey, I will suggest you make your departure as soon as possible. Whatever you do, DO NOT get pregnant with this man. You will regret it, I guarantee you. Can you imagine your baby caught up in this mess?
I see a very toxic relationship on all sides, from what you are describing. You, your partner, his mommy and those kids are sucking all the life energy out of you.
You say it yourself. You say things like: moving in was a mistake, you are starting to hate him and his family, you feel like you are in prison, and you cant stand it anymore. Those are indicators of an unhealthy relationship for you. And I cant help but wonder, what benefit do YOU get? What do these people do for you? I dont see that they do anything that helps you, they only hurt. In fact, they are really good at it! They are a bunch of dependent, clinging, losers.
I think you should be as strong as you can, pack up all of your belongings, and leave. If they start some drama, dont listen. Stand up, look ahead of you, and walk. For sure, they will start crying, begging, and trying to make you feel guilty. Forget it. Straighten up, set your sights ahead, and FIRMLY walk out that door to a better life! Dont look back. To what? Hurt, dependence, and a depressing situation? Get as far away from those leeches as you can.
When you have made the break, and you are finally free, the most important thing to do after this, is to have NO CONTACT. I am sure that your blood sucking partner will blow up your phone with pleas, cries, and words of love. No contact. Dont let his toxic love poison you once you are free. Live your life the way YOU want. Love your freedom! Dont go back to him and chain yourself up in his problems. Those are his/mommy/kids problems, not yours.
Bless you, and do what is best for you. In this case it is much better to be on your own than in bad company.
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my dad hates me so i cut myself and im planing on killing myself how should i kill myself? (link)
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I will answer your last question first. NO, you should not kill yourself!!! The way you are feeling is NOT your fault. Give yourself a break.
The fact that you feel hatred coming from your dad is a very powerful reason to feel depressed. I imagine along with it comes feelings of being rejected and quite possibly mistreated and misunderstood by him.
You cut yourself. That tells me that you have a huge amount of pain inside of you that you cannot express or talk about. So, you must cut yourself to release it. This is understandable. When there is no one around you that you feel comfortable enough to tell your feelings to, you have to find a way to get rid of this unbearable pain. Dad is obviously not someone you can trust or come to for any type of comfort.
My question is, has dad always been so distant and uncaring? Or does he have something that he is dealing with right now that doesn´t let him be available to you?
In any case, it sounds like you need some support. And since dad, for whatever reason seems to be only contributing to the problem, I would suggest that you reach out to someone else.
Who could it be? Look around you and find someone who is open and available. Someone who may be in a position to help you either by listening a lot, or by actually helping you out by providing services to you, such a school counselor, teachers, clergy, etc.
Do you have any friends who will listen, or parents of friends you could open up to? Neighbors? You have to find someone. You cannot keep on fighting these depression and suicidal feelings alone.
PLEASE do me only this favor: Go to someone, ask them for their help. If they cant or wont help you, ask someone else. Ask, ask, and keep asking until someone responds. I guarantee you, someone will. God will put the people you need in the right place when you need them. Just dont give up.
And dont isolate yourself. Reach out and accept the help and care you need right now.
Just the fact that you were brave enough to write in to advicenators shows you are on the right track. You can do this, I know you can. Regardless of what your dad thinks of you. Show him what you are made of by getting help and getting better. God bless you.
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