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Follow-Up to "Living w/ boyfriend at school versus parents when home :/"
Hi Dragonflymagic,
Thanks for your response, and kind words about my maturity! I have a little more to add if you've got the time.
I really can't just lay down the law with my parents and walk away. They help pay for college, and I'm on their insurance, and at least for now while I don't have a car, it's their car I borrow when I'm home.
This summer I had the option to move up in my job - instead of a suburb office, I could be in the corporate office which is in a major city. They told me NOT to do it, because they thought it would be too hard to figure out the logistics. I on the other hand didn't want to pass up this opportunity!
I found an apartment very nearby that was safe, affordable, and had a lot of amenities, and presented all the information to them. They said no, that I was to work in the suburb office. Finally I convinced them to let me be in the major city, but they insisted that I would commute. And not with a car - my dad would drop me at the train station on the way to work, and then pick me up from the station on his way home from work. I am trapped and controlled by their time schedule. Last summer, though, I would be threatened with "you won't have the car at all this week!" which would screw me over for work, and now I feel it's going to be "you won't get a ride to the station tomorrow!!" so they are still going to be able to make sure I comply with everything they demand. I'm hoping to make friends in the office who maybe have a place in Boston so I can stay over there sometime? It's just dealing with whatever consequences when I come home that's the issue.
Any other advice sparked after knowing a little more would be appreciated! Thanks so much for your time!
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Geez dear, this kinda changes things. If the parents are the ones paying, then it makes you beholden to their wishes and whims according to them. Parents who attempt to continue to make decisions and "TELL' their kids what they will do are not being the best parents they can be. No one should be telling you what to do at this point anymore.
I remember one gal whose parents were paying for college and threatened to stop paying if she did not dump the boyfriend she had.
This is very controlling behavior and not healthy or normal.
I am sorry to hear this is your situation.
As I see it, you have to decide if what you are getting out of this, is worth what you are having to give up and put up with. What I mean is, is it worth giving up control of your life and all decision making for yourself in exchange for their place to live, their car to use and their paying for college? For some kids, they won't care and will agree to these conditions.
I already know you don't like it. So what is the option? Not allowing them to controll and decide for you. But you know what that means don't you? There is something you will have to give up their place to live, use of their car and their money paying for college.
I can't tell you how to work it out but this will be a conversation for you and the boyfriend to have together. I suspect that you value your freedom to make your own decisions and thats why I won't tell you what to do. There is no reason that you can't switch ypur plans for schooling, quit for now with the plan to finish later and go for working for this company full time if they will do that or elsewhere fulltime. You will have your car much sooner in this case and one problem solved. Travel to work can be done by bus or once working, see if the company promotes a ride share program and if not, post something on the bulliten board what hours you work and that you're looking for a ride to and from and will help pay gas. I used to do that for a while and it worked great. You either have a back up driver for days the main one is sick or on vacation, etc...or use a bus. Life becomes a bit of a hassle and maybe a bit harder but you would have control of your life back and not owe your parents anything or give them a chance to get their hooks in you to tug you the way they want.
You'd have to decide if you work full time or part time, if you put off school for a while or take a few classes here and there part time. I have daughters who worked part time and paid their way through community college part time but one lived at home and the other had lots of roommates and an apt.
Its scary to let go of any help you're getting from the parents but the cost they're wanting you to pay in return is a bit unreasonable and way to high a cost to pay in my opinion. I am sorry you don't have supportive parents. So in your case, its let go of the safety net and go on your own or stop complaining and give your life over to them to try to mold you and control you into someething they want, maybe something that they never got a chance to become themselves.
Warning, going against who you are and pretending to be someone or comply with standards that aren't you, will be stressful and the stress WILL at some point come to breaking point at which time you begin to develop a physical problem, illness because of the stress or you crack emotionally and become depressed, and such. So giving them control will "f**k you in the end result by bringing these issues about as a result of cause and effect. So in reality, neither path will be easy for you. Using parents or cutting off all their help. The only differance is that in one, you have control over your life and in the other you don't. Thats what your real base decision is. How bad do I want control of my life.
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