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What would I do? I am afraid my boyfriend would pressure me into doing things...
I'm 15 and my friends(a little older than me) have been dating all that stuff.
I'm homechooled,and I live in a really small town so I don't really know any guys, and I really don't have much of a desire to date.
My family is Christian(I even live across the street from my church) and conservative.
I was wondering about when I have a boyfriend. I would have no idea what to do since I've never dated before, And considering that my freinds have already done sexual things, I'm worried he'd pressure me.
I would much rather wait to lose my virginity(preferably till marrage),I don't want a relationship to be all about sex and making out and stuff, I want it to be like we're best friends and all I really need is a guy who is nice, has a sense of humor, and treats me well.
I don't know...I guess I'm just afraid that when I do get a boyfriend he'll try to pressure me to do stuff I'm not ready for and I might not be able to say no... I'm really shy and I just don't know how to talk to guys either...
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
When you begin to want to date someone be straight up about your beliefs, upbringing and what you are uncomfortable with. Most people who like you will not bat an eyelash on that. If you don't want to do something don't and be firm on it.
As for talking to guys it's no different than talking to someone else. Just treat them like you would a normal conversation. You never said why you are home-schooled but perhaps its time to consider being with your peers as the lack of socialization i definitely hurting you.
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Well obviously you don't want to date a guy who pushes your boundaries. You don't want somebody who doesn't respect you and how you feel about things.
What I do when I start dating a guy, I'll tell them my boundaries. If they push me to go any further than I'm comfortable, I'm done with them. A lot of guys like a girl who has respect for herself and wouldn't cave to do absolutely anything.
So if you feel like you can't stand up for yourself or express how you feel, then that means you're not ready for a relationship any time soon. You'll just be miserable with the guy you're dating. So wait it out until you know that you can stand up for what you want and don't want.
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Storage and disposal told you everything I would have said in pretty much the same words.
I understand being in a Christian family and the churches views on dating. I come from that background myself.
So I would like to bring up how church views can affect dating and a future marriage in a negative way.
There is much positive to having a goal of waiting until marriage to have sexual intercourse. However, I have seen to church attempt to squash males being subjected to anything that might give them an arousal which is a bunch of crap. Not only will they see far worse in the world they have to interact in but young men tend to have find their penis aroused for no particular reason at all, definitely doesnt have to be sexual. He could be working with dad in the home workshop and get an arousal. Trying to totally eliminate any romance or avoidance of acknowledgement of our having a sexuality is harmful. I attended two church weddings where the couple getting married had never kissed or held hands or hugged. The bride was so scared in one she fainted in front of the pastor. Both marriages were annulled because both people had no sexual desire for each other and a fear to have sex. Thats one extreme. I waited until my wedding night to have sex the first time as I am sure you plan on. For me, it was a disastrous situation. Both of us were sexually mismatched. Neither of us could get aroused by each other and how often we wanted sex was totally different. We read Christian books on sex and marriage and still couldn't fix it. End result of the one thing I want to tell you, yes you want a guy with the same ideals who wants to wait with you til wedding night but both of you are not afraid of the feelings of desire you have, not afraid to kiss and cuddle because of those feelings of desire. You just both exercise control and not let it go further. however, if you don't feel a sexual desire for the person you are dating or engaged to, then something is seriously wrong and you can't find out if you have that desire for a guy by avoiding some things like simple touch, how does it feel when you kiss, hug, touch each others hands. The way two people connect in a kiss can tell you alot. So please set your boundaries with a guy but be sure you do feel sexual desire for him or you will have a sexless marriage or unfulfilled one sexually and it is way more important than you would think. Sex is good for stress relief, and a good sexual practice is a good preventive for those parts not getting a work out, it tends to prevent problems in older age such as collapsing bladder, vagina, etc... A female gynecologist could usually tell which clients had a sex life and which didnt by the amount of gynecological/female problems they had . The ones with none or little sex had all the problems. Any part of the body that doesnt get exercise and use will have problems down the road. I know this was long but I couldnt think of any other way to encourage you not to fear the feelings of desire.
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To add to what the other person said, don't feel obligated to do things just because your friends are doing them. I know that sounds like social suicide of sorts, but it's not. People develop at different rates, sure, but there are also lots of external factors that affect our individual priorities.
With my group of friends from high school, one lost her virginity extremely early and another is already married. Two very different scenarios from my own life, but that doesn't mean that those girls aren't still my friends.
As far as a relationship being all about sex, I would argue that most relationships eventually go there. That doesn't mean that yours would have to go there anytime soon. There are lots of other aspects to a relationship. Anyone who tries to pressure you doesn't have your best interests at heart, and that's not the type of significant other you want.
If you're worried about not being able to express your boundaries, I would agree that you're also not ready to put yourself into situations in which your boundaries would need to be expressed. Communication is the most important thing in a relationship.
Don't worry and speak your mind.
Amy
22/f
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Your fears are valid as this does happen. First and foremost, someone who pressures you into doing something they know you don't want to do is at fault, not you.
To clear up misunderstandings, tell your future boyfriend what you aren't comfortable with at the beginning of the relationship. Explain that you don't want to have sex until you're married. Make sure he knows what would cross the line. After this, if he tries to pressure you, it should be easier to turn him down as that would be a complete lack of respect. If he doesn't respect you, he's not worth it.
If you can't bring yourself to do this and you know that you might cave under pressure, then you might not be ready for a relationship. Wait until you're comfortable expressing yourself. Not having a boyfriend for awhile is a lot better than living with regret.
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