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I lied, and I don't know how to fix things
Recently, I started date one of my oldest friends. We started catching up last September, and we realised that we like each other. We decided to give dating a shot, and it worked out really well. He is everything I want in man; he is passionate, kind, considering, and has the biggest heart. Yes, we had our arguments; sometimes it was my fault and sometimes it was his fault. However, the biggest problem is me, you see I lied to him, more than once; and he forgave me more than once. Every lie I told him was ridiculous, and I don't know why I did so. By me promising that I will never lie will not solve anything and he will not believe me. I know I screwed up big time, and I know he is willing to give me another chance, but I truly do not know why I lied to him. I do not know how to fix my mistake. I told him that the only thing that can solve this issue, is for me to work on myself more, and for me to show him in time that he can trust me again. But I don't know what else to do other than that, because promises won't mean anything, saying sorry won't solve anything, and even if I am working on myself (i.e. my issues), does not mean that we can move forward in out relationship.
Yes, I lied, and I am sorry, but I don't have a justification to my lies, and honestly, if I was him, I wouldn't believe any of the "reasons" that I would give him.
What am I supposed to do now? How are we supposed to move past this?
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It sounds like you already realize that lying is not a good practice. Do you do this just with him or do you fib and lie in other situations in life too? If only with him, perhaps you don't feel worthy of him and areik trying to make up for it by lying and attempting to make yourself look better to him? It may not be something you consciously do but subconsciously. Your subconscious mind could have some insecurities and is trying to overcompensate for them in this way which is of course not a good way to go.
I think you already know that lying breaks trust and trust is very fragile. Once broken, it takes a very very long time to rebuild.
Making a promise with your words is not going to work for you or him because something deep down inside of you is spurring you on to do this. Until that is discovered and dealt with, no matter how much you want to stop, you wont be able to. You just might by sheer effort be able to stop cold turkey. I wont say it can't be done. But if it was easy, all the cigarette smokers who want to quit would be able to do so tomorrow.
Dealing with what is causing you to do this then is not something that you can do yourself, this is something that requires professional help. You can try counselors or hypnotist counselors who can discover what is causing you to subconsciously continue to lie. Humans are complex creatures and just because there is something subconsciously causing you to do this does not in my mind equate you to being a terrible person or some mental case requiring a counselor. We all have stuff like this we deal with, stuff in our subconscious that cause us to do things we shouldn't or to not do certain things that we should be doing. Just some stuff has a bigger impact on the lives of others around you and can't be ignored.
Counselors are equipped to deal with stuff like this that causes "bad habits" or "addictions".
So end result, I can't think of any way that you can just move past this without some professional help. Good luck dear.
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The only thing that can fix this situation is continuous honesty, patience and time.
If you're really serious, you've got to keep on yourself. Stay honest about everything. Quit lying cold turkey. There may be some slip ups, but come clean about it and the repercussions will be lighter.
You're also going to have to be patient with him until he regains trust in you. There may be times when he questions your honesty even though you're telling the truth. It would be easy to blow up at him, or to lie since you're being held guilty of it anyhow. If you can keep reminding yourself that he's only thinking that way because of the past, he'll see the pattern of truthfulness emerging and he'll trust you more and more.
Other than that, time is the only thing that will get you past this. My husband and I have done some truly awful things to one another, but time helps to heal old wounds. If you really care for one another and respect one another, you can make it through anything.
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