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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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People all have their own ideas about beauty I suppose...but why are some looks generally favored in my area over others? I live in a rural community where most of the guys grow up working in a watermelon field. We have a population of about 2000, and 7 churches, all Christian and divisions of Christianity. I don't consider myself hideous, much to the disagreement of people around here. I was with friends the other day and some things this guy said just really bothered me...ex) we were outside and he looks over and leans back and smiles and says'nothing better than a blonde in the sun' and then looks over at the other two, one being me, an goes back to basking himself in the sun and all of his sweaty glory. Is it like this other places? They actually tend to favor the traditional blonde hair blue eyes here. No one else with any other combination gets looked at really. Naturally I am blonde hair and blue eyes but I dye my hair a lot and generally people Frown upon not being natural here. Is it like this everywhere or is my town so afraid of change they have come to see one look as more attractive then the others? I really don't understand people

The only time I've ever heard of someone thinking blond haired blue eyes as being superior and better and to be desired is when Hitler pushed for an Aryan race which was to be strictly blond and blue eyes even tho he was neither.

With 7 churches in the area who teach unconditional love, I highly doubt your community has a favoritism like this going on. It may be more how you perceive things. If the males with such attitudes are around mid to late 20's or younger, then their attitudes are due to being immature, unknowledgeable, and likely just 'full of themselves'. If you fall into that age range, then its a good chance that looks and acceptance are BIG to you, finding your place in society, your self image and self confidence may be suffering. It can happen at any age tho. But my advice is to not pay any mind to people like that. People with set beliefs, and narrow minded views are not my choice of people to want to win friendship and attention of nor would their opinions carry any water with me. It shouldn't with you either. Go find people to befriend who are accepting of all, they do exist.

hey, am a highschool senior ,i want to ask you about what i should do about this boy which i love very much and he also does love me. i know that beacuse he asked me to be his girlfriend by his friend way back before but i said no at that time, beacuse am not able to have a boyfriend beacuse am not old enough. now am 17 years old but am still not able to do so, and my parents would kill me too,and going behind their back is not an option beacuse i will die of guilt, so since then no one knows i love him just me, am pretending that i don't love him but i don't know what to do any more beacuse its killing me inside, the amazing thing is we talk not in school but by e-mail as normal classmates and what i hate about talking to him by e-mail is that it will make it more awkward when we see each other in school beacuse we dont talk in school as normal classmates for the reason that our friends will make fun of us. so am feeling bad everyday after school beacuse i didn't get a chance to talk to him as my classmate, some of it is my fault beacuse i dont also treat him as one of my other classmates and he is so afraid of me even to say"hi" so i don't know what to do. if you have any advice for me i will be happy to take any of your suggestions thank you!!!

Since you are not allowed to date and can only treat him like a classmate, the only thing you can do is talk to him for starters as you do to other classmates. Topics of conversation are endless and if you choose your questions right, you can find out alot about him. One purpose of dating is to find out what you like about a person and what character traits you don't like or you can't tolerate. Lots of that will come from spending time with the person and alot will come from talking by which you get a glimpse of their mind, how they think and feel about things, their beliefs, hopes, dreams, moral standards etc. So until you turn 18 and are an adult and can make your own decision to date or not, I suggest making the most of any chances to talk at school. If you already know the answers to what his favorite foods, music, movies and such are, then move on to deeper questions, otherwise start there. Use issues in this world to get a feel for how he believes and feels about things.What does he think about organized religion or is he more a spiritual person and how so, get examples. What does he think are the most important things to ensure a relationship is healthy. Under what circumstances would he break a relationship. You get the idea. Since he is acting shy and not speaking first, its up to you to open convo with him. Good luck.

I’m 23/female.
I mostly have experience in babysitting children and watching the elderly. I figured I need more experience and volunteered at a local YMCA for 6 months. I helped in the front desk, cleaned, laundry, and daycare. I was friendly to everyone so I have good references.
I have a lot of time in my hands. I took my college summer semester off to look for a job and get some money. I have applied to all of the fast food places in town, which are a lot. I also applied to small and large stores. I applied to different temp agencies. I even went to job fairs.
No one called me back. When they do they would say there are no openings or I’m just not what they’re looking for.
I finally found a job, working part-time at a daycare center but it’s on call. I don’t like that there is no solid schedule and I always have to wait for them to call me. It’s not an ideal schedule because I don’t know when they are going to call me. It is making it difficult for me to make plans for anything. Also, they barely call me. I just started 3 weeks ago and only worked 4 days.
My brother thinks I should join national guard or army, but I don’t have the body or drive for that.
What should I do?

Sometimes there just aren't enough jobs that employers are hiring for. If you are looking for work only for summer and won't be available after that cus you're back in classes, that could be a reason why people don't want you, because they are looking for more long term employees.

In that case, it might help to be your own boss and advertise for just summer help. The only thing I can think of is a combo of house and pet sitting for while owners plan to go on vacation. At this late date though, any jobs for one home owner that last the entire summer to house sit are likely gone.
There will be the average family vacations that last a weekend or a week and where they plan to go, pets can't go. You would stay at their place, care for the pets, bring in the mail, water the lawn/garden and still have time to take off with friends for the beach for the afternoon.
People are going to want someone responsible for a job like this. With your past of caring for elderly, daycare and volunteer work, you sound like a responsible prospect. Then keep a calendar and fill it with all the short term house sitting jobs. But you need to get your name out there, even if you decide on something like just dog walking. Put cheap ads in the classified ads like the ones that charge a nickel or dime per word. Ask to put up ads at all the local vet places. As a pet owner, I've call the vets asking for referals of people to come take care of pets while we were gone. Once, I could find no one to help and one vet had a few kennels and took our dog for the weekend to board. Taking a family pet to a boarding place is more traumatic for a pet than being watched at home and lots of owners know that so I feel you should still be able to do that and still keep the on call daycare job.
Its worth a try.

Hey , I'm from Poland , and there is this girl who i knew over the internet , but she lives nearby, and she wanted some serious advice.Anyway , i gave her advice and afterwards she wanted help with her homework and i helped her.Every problem she faced , she seeked advice from me , So i thought we were like brother and sister and i said ,why not ? , but after a couple of days , she was like i love you so much.That was so weird and random , i mean we barely know each other. i don't know what to do , she loves me and she wants marriage , but i'm just being nice ,i don't wanna be rude.To be honest , shes doesn't have the looks i want. hhhh , please help me.

That is strange to confess loving you after just a couple of days. Some young girls may experience developing feelings for the guy who comes to her rescue, like a prince or knight in shining armor like in fairy tales. This is not a true love. Young girls will be evaluating the guys they meet to form opinions of what she wants in a future marriage partner...but that is a learning process that covers the years from before high school and through college before a girl will have a pretty good idea of what she wants. So don't panic, this is a natural reaction for her.
Just tell her you don't feel the same way, just liking her as a friend only.
If she is hurt, thats part of this learning process. You can't prevent her not feeling hurt but that is for her to learn to process through on her own. Reassure her you still want to be an internet friend but don't be concerned if she says no. If she wants to continue to keep in contact, you might try to not 'rescue' her and help as often.

I did the dumbest thing and cheated on my exam and got caught, we were allowed to bring an outline of our essay for the exam but i also brought an extra piece of paper. When our teacher entered the class and checked our papers i hid mine and he didnt see it. After a while the substitute noticed me with an extra piece of paper and after the exam she said she wanted to hand in all my papers. I just lied to my father everything went well. I'm not scared to get suspended but im scared to disappoint my father..What should i do? I have 2 more days of school and then the whole summer with him until i go to boarding school! Help please..
P.S im in 8th grade

Your title says you cheated. So I am wondering if your extra sheet of paper had answers for the exam. If it did, then you are correct that you cheated. If it was blank, then you did not.
Parents understand that their pre teen and teen kids, no matter how grown up you feel you are, are just going to be still making bad choices and mistakes. Its not so much that you made a bad choice that would upset a parent, but if you make it and don't learn from it and thus repeat the bad choices.
It sounds to me like you feel remorseful in not wanting to disappoint your father. So let him know how you feel and what you did to feel this way. Good luck.

So I am a 19 year old girl from Europe who moved to LA last June.
I met a guy the first week I came here and eventually we started dating. He's 23 from around LA and unfortunately in a gang.

Just so we're clear, I am not one of those girls who looks for danger and would intentionally date a gang member. It just happened.

I just recently told my parents I've been seeing someone for a little over a year and that I'm in love. They don't know anything about him, just his name.
The thing is, I know how they would react if I told them what he does. I know how every parent would react..
He's really a great guy and never put me in danger

So basically I'm just looking for advice on how to tell my parents about him. Or should I not mention some things ?

Just so you don't think that adviceman is a little harsh,
I am old enough to be your mom and If I were your mom, then ditto for what adviceman said. I actually do have 3 daughters. Two of them are in relationships with guys that have character faults that make their relationship difficult and their lives a circus sometimes but the guys themselves are not gang members.
You may be an adult by age but if a parent see's their child in a situation where their safety and very life is in question, lots of parents would step in and take action.

Trust me on this one, until you reach your mid 20s or later, the pre frontal cortex of your brain is still finishing growing. Its not at complete adult stage yet where you'd be able to make the best life decisions. I have one daughter a little older than you, one reached 25 and another older whose brain has not yet fully matured either as far as I can tell from the immature decisions she's making but she's not in immediate danger.
Someday when you're a parent, you'll understand why parents have the real need to step in and help their children if those children 's brains have not yet reached maturity. Tell your parents dear and listen to their advice...they really will know better.

First, let me tell you a little about my dream. I found out from my mother that I was pregnant, and that I was going to have an abortion.

I looked it up and it said that it could be a sign that I'm pregnant. I never once have had sex. I am a teenager and have never done such things.. Anyways, I've been really worried lately (I guess I just let my anxiety get the best of me) that I'm pregnant. I can't remember when the last time I got my period was. Even though I've never done any sexual activities, I'm just scared that I'm somehow someway pregnant. Is that why I had this dream? Because I've been thinking about it so much?

Birth, pregnancy and such as far as signs go are tied into representing something new comming into your life, being creative, the birth or start of a new project, hobby, experience for you, or it could merely be that deep down you are a nurturing person, one who loves to garden or loves working with pets/animals. Or as already said, since sister is having a baby soon, it could be related to that.

To sum this up. I am still in love with my ex. We are not together and now she is dating someone I do not agree with. This woman has a criminal background and does not seem like the best person. My ex and I agreed that I can be involved in her childrens lives but they live in ny and I live in nj. It hurts me to not have say so in their lives or who they are around, my ex even tells me not to question her decisions as a mother. Should I just walk away from the situation or just stick around to give the kids a positive role model. I am very much attached to them. This situation just stresses me out everyday.

When it comes to gay and lesbian relationships, marriages and parents, the laws are only just beginning to be recognized in some states with allowing marriage. I am all for there being equal rights and believe many same sex couples can make great parents but it all depends on what the current laws are as to whether you have any say. If i understand correctly, the two of you only have a verbal agreement. I don't think that means you have much say into the childrens lives legally by law. There is very little law as is right now for the rights of same sex partners, let alone for same sex ex's. If she is willing to let you see the kids, then sure, take them for visits and give them a positive role model.
Keep watch over them.

As to your concerns about the new ex criminal person, Unless you witness bad treatment of the kids, you can't do anything like calling CPS anonymously. The most you can do is Closely observe how they are fairing when you see them, any changes for the worse in their behavior or attitudes, ask how things are going at home and if its okay, make drop by visits occasionaly for yourself to their home to see how things seem to be going so you can have peace of mind on this.

My husband is in the military and after 13 years he is separating due to medical reasons. He wants to move back to our hometown to be near both of our families, primarily his mother and aunt. Well, I am hesitate. I didn't have the best childhood due to both of my parents being alcoholics. They both still drink heavily and can get violent and emotional when doing so. My oldest brother still lives in the area and drinks excessively as well. To top it off, my sister-in-law and her husband live about an hour away and love to drink and party and are somewhat open swingers. Their sexually active 15 year old daughter is free to do as she pleases and their 12 year old son is often left on his own. While I respect my husband for wanting to be near his mother and his disabled aunt, I am having a hard time dealing with the fact of being near the rest of our family. While it would be nice to be near family, this is not the situation I have envisioned. I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay. Should I accept the fact we are moving back and deal with the situation as it comes or continue trying to talk my husband into moving somewhere else?

I personally would see no problem with being in the same town as someone I did not want to see. In the past, I've had family I did not enjoy spending time with for various reasons and just chose to not go visit or accept invitations.
If you have the type of family who would invite themselves over without notice and show at your doorstep, then I agree that living several towns away might be best so its inconvenient for them to do so.

No matter where you live, your children will come to know of the issues other relatives deal with, at some point. Proximity to where these relatives lives is not going to make a difference. Even if no relatives has such issues, plenty other people in their world that they'll come into contact with, will.

So what your children are going to think about life choices is entirely up to what you teach them such as in your statement: I don't want our children thinking drinking excessively and having multiple partners is okay.

In marriage there should be compromise so I vote for talking it out with him and coming up with a location that is satisfactory for all.
Considering your upbringing, having drunk relatives to deal with could be very stressful to you. Your husbands decision should include how it will affect you and your children and make some precautionary decisions while at the same time bringing him closer to be able to visit mom and auntie.

Im 21 and my boyfriend is 20. We have been dating for 3 years now. Our relationship seems to be perfect except one thing in it. We dated for a year and then he broke up with me. We were apart for 2 years. While we were apart i dated another guy and we had sex. When me and boyfriend got back together he asked and i told him the truth. I know it hurts him everyday. We dont want to break up becuase we know we are meant to be together. He wants me to be the one who fixes it since I am the one who did it. Is there any ways I can help him find peace with it so we can move forward and stay happy? What are some things I can do?

He wants me to be the one who fixes it
Read more: http://www.advicenators.comzz33bJZwlW7

That statement shows me how immature he is.
There are lots of people in the world who have spoken words that can't be undone, or done deeds that can not be undone.
If you could discover a way to go back and undo things like that so its as if it never happened, you'd be the richest person in the whole world. Unless time travel into the past becomes available to us all real soon, we can not go back and change anything we regret or belatedly find was a bad idea, or decide to change because someone else wants us to.

There is nothing you can say or do to give him peace because he is totally in control of whether he has peace or not due to what his mind is thinking about this.
You said he broke up with you. What did he want you to do, remain celibate the rest of your life in case he decided to come back? While he could go on and do whatever he wanted? No where did you say if you questioned him about what he did while not with you. Did he date others and have sex too?
There's nothing that will convince me that a male that age who initiated breakup then went for two years without any contact with other females, including sex.

You are willing to do whatever you must for a male who is very controlling in the relationship from what you say. Perhaps I am wrong, but from your words I can the impression that you two do not discuss things and come to a mutual decisionk on things. If you did, there may not have been a breakup. Do you even know why he left and what things you both could have worked on?

I'm an 18 year old girl and I've been dealing with depression for about about a year now and I'm trying to get better. But sometimes (like now for instance) where I just have this consuming feeling of being off. It's like I'm not quite myself and I feel strange and weird. Sometimes I want to hide from everyone or sometimes I just start crying from feeling this way. I hate it more then any feeling I get when depressed. I feel like I'm not me and like I'm off. Does anyone else get this feeling? I might be crazy but does anyone know how to stop it or make it better because I can't stand being like this and it usually continues until I go to bed and when I wake up I'm fine. But I can't just go to sleep in the middle of the day. Any advice?

The teenage depression referred to can be due to many different things by one not well known one is due to our systems having picked up estrogen just through contact with things in our environment, then when puberty hits and females get their naturally produced estrogen on top of that, they have an overload and one of the symptoms of this overload is depression.
So no matter what the reason is, its time to go see a doctor.

Hello fellow Advicenators!

I've been on the road to quitting smoking pot for the past month, but since i've arrived home from school my family is just terrible to me and it's what I have to turn to calm my nerves and anxiety.
I smoked a blunt earlier with some friends because I was upset. YES, bad me knowing i may or may not have a drug test coming up because i got accepted to an internship. I received a merchandising role for the Disney College Program at WDW. But I was told from many people, and some very reliable sources who have worked there for 2+ years & hired in my position never had a drug test since they don't operate attractions or drive a vehicle/responsible for lives at the park.
Yes, i shouldn't have smoked, thats why I feel anxious now. I've done everything in my power to restrain myself from smoking, such as stop hanging out with people who are potheads, selling my smoking pieces, and buying synthetic "potpourri marijuana" I feel like I may need a cleansing drink or cleansing pill set to clear my system.
I don't have professional help available due for my usage or behavior problem due to constantly moving and relocating. Doctors cannot have patients who only see them for very few months at a time, and leave for a while, then return. they need to see them on a consistent basis. Many therapists have denied my request for help. so please don't bark at me for turning to a "drug" to calm my anxiety and panic episodes.
I will not borrow someones pee because I have to travel from an airport from NYC to FL and wont be able to keep the urine warm.
So, what i am asking is. Did anyone have to perform a drug test and had to cleanse their system? What measures did you take to cleanse your system? Did you use a detox drink or pill set?
Any advice is greatly appreciated!

The usual test is urine test. One site says:
Regular smokers have reported positive drug test results after 45 days since last use and heavy smokers have reported positive tests 90 days after quitting.
Heres the link for that article:
http://alcoholism.about.com/od/pot/a/marijuana_test.htm

There's such a thing as a hair test for drugs including marijuana. A half inch of hair is able to show usage back one month and about 1 inch and half is what they look to test so they have ability to check back as far as 90 days if they use this test.
Heres a link about hair testing:
http://marijuanahairtest.com/

I just ate quite a bit of food and I felt pretty bloated so I decided to drink about 25 cups of water at once and it made me have to go pee but only made me more bloated.. Will it help flush out the food or will it just keep me bloated? Is it goin to help me poop? Btw I'm anorexic and bulimic and don't try feeling pitiful

I've read that the key to having water and a meal is to drink the water before eating. Drinking more water than is needed or required for a person your age is not going to make digestion better if you have a digestion problem.
Our diet is most often the culprit behind much of our physical problems. You could try a trip to the family doctor and mention your concerns and see what they suggest.

I'm an 18 years old girl and I just wanted to know what you guys think about implant birth control.

LM gave you great answers. I am one who used Paragard which is the best non hormonal birth control there is. I never had problems while I was on it. It lasts longer than Mirena too.
It's a nice thing to keep in mind to try if you find your body gets too many side effects from the hormonal birth controls.
Good luck!

This guy likes me and he is cool but I am attracted to his brothers appearance. I never talked to his brother, only to the guy that likes me. Should I get over his brother and try to talk to this guy or just stop talking to him?

People can be attracted to a person's looks but not know anything about them. We might not have anything in common with a people we're visually attracted to.
So if you don't run into this brother of his naturally in school or the neighbor or where-ever to get a chance to even know him, then don't focus on fantasys about someone that might not work even if he did notice you and liked your looks too.

Pretending to like the one who likes you just to be around his brother might come to mind as a possible solution but is unfair to the younger brother.It could hurt his feelings if he felt you thought the same way and had same interest in him and saw your interest in his brother.

You may not want to become his girlfriend and actually date him, but if you like him as a person and he could be a nice friend, be honest and let him know if you have any interest or only see him as a friend.

Age:13 gender: girl.

So I feel lonely. I have friends but with some of them it's a competition . They leave people out when you stop hanging out with them for the tiniest bit. But they're funny and relatable at times . I feel weird around them and I don't like how they work.

My other friend 's dad got a job offer in another state and they're probably moving( or that's at least what her mom said) if she leaves Ill have no one during 8 grade. That's scary as hell. I'll have no one to talk or sit next to during lunch , to help pick out a dress for our dance, to walk down walkway winners( it's part of our graduation ceremony) I tried to make new friends but as I said they treat me like a classmate. They text me back and answer my calls but they don't do that to me.

I think why I'm so freaked out is because there were two weekswhen Annabelle ,the girl that's moving , was in a fight with me and it scared the crap out of me. There were some girls making fun of me and I made snarky remarks but it was like swimming with sharks. There were two many of them and there was Annabelle wasn't there to scare Em off as she usually did.

Sorry to hear about your friend moving. It's hard to enjoy going to school when you don't have any friends or those you do are not much of a friend to begin with.
At your age, kids are still learning how to interact nicely with others and girls who get irritated with you, fight, get angry, snarky or whatever is due to a couple things:
1. The hormones of puberty are still playing havoc with their emotions. This should level out and they won't be as snotty or mean in a couple years.
2. Young peoples bodys mature before their brain does so the part of brain responsible for making good decisions and treating people fairly are incapable in lots of teens to work right until the brain finishes growing by our mid 20's. It should get better every couple of years. But some mature slower and faster bodily and same for the brain.

If you hunt around hard enough, you should be able to find other teen girls who don't have many friends who have matured mentally better than most and will make good friends. They won't stand out cus they're not the popular kids. Some of the best friends I ever had in middle school and high school were friends who didnt stand out, kinda faded into the background so no one really noticed them unless you were purposely looking for those who didn't hang with snarky girls who treated you as friend one minute and enemy as the next, with emotions all over the place. I didn't want to put up with that. So I did find friends but it was just a few, I had 2 close friends and that was it. I knew other girls and was friendly with at school but only ones I saw away from school and did stuff with was 2. You can do it and find some new friends. Good luck.

So I have boyfriend who is 17 and I am 15 (I'm a girl btw lol)
I told my dad about him and my dad refuses to meet him only cause we are 2 years apart. He says I cannot talk or see him. I have depression, and my boyfriend makes me happy, not much in my life makes me happy. So my dad is basically taking away my happiness. He thinks that all he wants to do is get in my pants but we've been dating for 5 months and we haven't had sex so I guess my dad doesn't know what he's talking about. Do you have any ideas on how to make my dad see that I need him?! He's super stubborn. Any ideas/advice would be great thank you!! I just wanna be able to see my boyfriend without it being a secret and behind my dad's back.

I am a mom of 3 girls. I did my best to be open minded but also keep their safety in mind. As an adult, I know all too well how easy it is to get carried away from simple kisses to having sex. Dad's a male too and He knows that as well, and thats why he's not willing to have you see and date anyone. Even if a guy were your age or a year younger, puberty hormones at still at work in boys those ages as well, and the same thing Dad fears can happen. So its not an age thing really.

Is there a mom in the picture? If so, you may want to talk to them both on the suggestion I have. Some parents are open to negotiaton on certain situations and others aren't. You won't know if yours are until you try.

Since sex is the greatest concern for parents, heres what I offered my girls:
You can have a male friend over to visit at our house at times we are also present (and depending on how remote their bedroom was), have him as a guest in their room but door must remain open, or with some, not in the bedroom at all but hanging out with rest of family in the main living areas. This way you get to spend time together, the parents get to keep an eye on you to feel assured you are safe and actually get a chance to know the guy and get a feel for his personality and whether the boy treats you like a gentleman does and if he really likes you for yourself and not for sex. Its worth a try asking if this option is good enough for you for now. Otherwise, as long as you are living under their roof and under 18, you have to go along with their rules. Not all parents automatically come up with compromises like this. It just won't occur to them so you will need to bring it up.

If they, or Dad go for it and you ask male friends to come to your house and they wont, then you'll know that either the boy had only sex in mind or that they have other issues emotionally or mentally where they don't like adults and authority or feel intimidated with other people around and unable to be themselves. So it'd all be for the best. Very few boys ever came to our house even though they were invited.
Good luck!

21/f

I'm dating a guy who tends to turn tables on me. For example, whenever he acts "off" or awkward and whenever I confront him about it, he tends to redirect the conversation, "turns the table" on me and says that I'm being weird. So, all the sudden I am the focus of the conversation.

I've told him if I do anything that upsets him or if something is bothering him, to let me know and to be direct and straight forward because I don't like playing the "guessing game." We're not in a complete relationship maybe that's why he doesn't feel like he has the right to tell me something is bothering him?

But I don't know what to do or how to handle the tables being turned on me since he's pretty good at it. He's good at beating around the bush.

Help?

This is a manipulation tactic that some individuals do.

One is called Evasion and Diversion which you can find a link to article about here:
http://counsellingresource.com/features/2009/03/05/evasion-and-diversion/

My ex was good at this. He took it to a another level, not just redirecting to other subjects if I was bringing up a problem, but reflecting that problem back on me, trying to convince me and other people, even in our church that I was the one with that issue. So whenever he was afraid of too many eyes being on him long enough to discover that he was the actual person with problems or issues, he would accuse me of them in front of others. Thats all a self preservation tactic to protect oneself from detection of shortcomings of his own. Late in our marriage he finally agreed to go to a counselor after a counselor friend of mine urged him to. He had mental health issues and this is a common tactic of such a person because they know enough to realize something isnt quite right about themselves, and they may not want to accept or go for help so in order to never have it discovered they have issues, they redirect attention else where. I can't say why this guy does it to you. But that is not the behavior of a normal mentally healthy person. My ex never changed and counselor says that most people make only a few minor changes in a lifetime and major changes are likely to never happen in a lifetime. Since he had multiple issues that affected me, I left because the prognosis was theres little chance of him changing. Was I jokay remaining married to him then? i was not because mine case involved mental and verbal abuse. I left him.
So, assuming this aspect of your boyfriend will never change and there is nothing you can do to change him, are you okay with staying with him? You can certainly find someone better. A person will only change for the better when they have the internal drive to do so themselves.
Sorry to have to give you such a sad answer.

i am a young lady aged 22 and my boyfriend is 25years,we are both still at university,i am from Botswana in Africa,i am my boyfriend's bestfriend and he is my bestfriend too..he has cheated,hurt me,betrayed me countless times and i have always learnt to trust him,give him all the attention and love i think he deserves cos i love him.lately he has changed from the cheating behaviour and he is trying to be a good man,i can see that and i appreciate it,PROBLEM,he is controlling,he never wants to to let me go out with my friends or sisters,he wants to know my passwords,he gets so angry when i miss his calls,he does'nt want me to have any male friends,HE DOES NOT TRUST ME,and i have never given him any reason to not trust me..everytime we hav a misunderstanding he raises his hand and voice at me..he has a high blood pressure problem,when he is stressed his bp goes high,and i dont know how to do this,cos i am scared he will get sick.SUNSHINE

Juliet says if youre with him, you hate yourself. She's got the concept right. I was in that place once. I wouldn't call it hate though. If it was hate, it might be more obvious to you. What happened with me is that I loved myself in some small ways but I did not love myself enough to believe I needed to be treated better than i was by my first husband. So likely, you aren't loving yourself enough to stop placing yourself in a situation where you are treated as you are by him.

Giddy is right in saying this person is not treating you as a friend at all. There is a whole lot more wrong with him than just cheating on you and not believing that you are not doing the same.
My ex husband did not cheat but he had much of all the other things you describe about your boyfriend including the controlling. He verbally and mentally abused me. From what I've read, your boyfriend is doing the same with the threat to hit you by raising his hand to you. Believe me, someone like your guy gets worse over time and will progress to hitting so the time to get out is now. You simply walk away and never say anything to him. He doesnt need to know or he may try to convince you to stay.

Once you've left him, there are a couple of important things for you to learn so you don't end up in the same situation with another guy. 100% Self confident women do not end up staying with guys like yours. I thought I was self confident, but I was only to a point. He didn't crush my confidence totally, I had some, but not enough to leave him and it takes 100% self confidence to not end up with a guy like that. A self confident woman knows what type of positive behavior she wants from a guy and won't settle for less. The other thing you need to spend time studying is what positive behavior and character traits look like in a guy. Until you get that learned, at the very least, anytime you come across a guy that in any way reminds you of this last one, back away from him as quickly as possible and have nothing to do with him. You should be able to recognize the negative behavior easily enough. Good luck.

I feel like my parents dont care about me any more ;(

I don't know your age but when I was in grade school and middle school I was always wrong when I had feelings that something was exactly what I expected. In high school, I finally began to learn but still got it wrong quite often.
It is easy to have these real feelings that your parents don't care any priority ore. Whether there is any reality to it, you won't know unless you investigate and look into it by bringing up the subject with you.
You did not supply us enough info to really give you helpful advice but what giddygeezer said is true of parents. So the best thing is to go approach them and talk to them.
Parents are not mind readers so they cannot tell when something is bothering you, or something they say or do is hurting you, makes you feel left out, not important or whatever. I always did that, assumed the parents would just know somehow. It wasn't until I became a parent that I realized through experiences that I could not see any physical signs or hints or other warning signs that my kids were struggling with feelings like this or struggling with anything at all. I had one daughter who showed no signs of being depressed and she only told me when she was about 25 yrs old. I think its normal that kids assume the parents have some superhero ability to know exactly whats going through a kids mind, but we don't. So go talk to mom and dad dear, following giddys guideline for doing so.
Good luck.

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