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Should I tell my parents about my boyfriend! Complicated
So I am a 19 year old girl from Europe who moved to LA last June.
I met a guy the first week I came here and eventually we started dating. He's 23 from around LA and unfortunately in a gang.
Just so we're clear, I am not one of those girls who looks for danger and would intentionally date a gang member. It just happened.
I just recently told my parents I've been seeing someone for a little over a year and that I'm in love. They don't know anything about him, just his name.
The thing is, I know how they would react if I told them what he does. I know how every parent would react..
He's really a great guy and never put me in danger
So basically I'm just looking for advice on how to tell my parents about him. Or should I not mention some things ?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
If he's a really great guy he wouldn't be in a criminal lifestyle that increases murders, drug abuse, sex trafficking, hate and violence of every kind in his community. You say he never put you in danger yet, but the longer he's in, the more likely he will. Even if you're not killed or injured, you could be found guilty of something akin to aiding and abetting criminal activity. (Watch Orange is the New Black for how that turns out).
Be realistic. What could he possibly offer over nice guys who work in industries that serve their communities, advance civilization and improve people's lives? You think lawful, honest-working men can't be romantic and poetic and good in bed? Every woman I know is thankful she didn't stay with her bf at 19 and realized how idiotic they sounded when they made excuses for jerks like "but we looooove each other," this love is a chemical feeling and not a true foundation you want to build your life, plans, hopes, and your own strength of character upon. End it now so your parents don't have to find out about your relationship through a police report.
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Your parent will not be happy about it no matter how you tell them so the best thing is to do something about the gang issue because it would affect you, if not now then it would be in the future. you will be putting yourself through the mental stress of thinking about his safety every time knowing is a gang member and you are not save too. I know it is not easy but you need to pull out off the relationship now before you get too attach. many guys will still come you way that would be better then him it all depend on if you ready to see them.
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Just so you don't think that adviceman is a little harsh,
I am old enough to be your mom and If I were your mom, then ditto for what adviceman said. I actually do have 3 daughters. Two of them are in relationships with guys that have character faults that make their relationship difficult and their lives a circus sometimes but the guys themselves are not gang members.
You may be an adult by age but if a parent see's their child in a situation where their safety and very life is in question, lots of parents would step in and take action.
Trust me on this one, until you reach your mid 20s or later, the pre frontal cortex of your brain is still finishing growing. Its not at complete adult stage yet where you'd be able to make the best life decisions. I have one daughter a little older than you, one reached 25 and another older whose brain has not yet fully matured either as far as I can tell from the immature decisions she's making but she's not in immediate danger.
Someday when you're a parent, you'll understand why parents have the real need to step in and help their children if those children 's brains have not yet reached maturity. Tell your parents dear and listen to their advice...they really will know better.
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Since I am old enough to be you father, actually old enough to be your grandfather, let me put myself in your fathers shoes for a minute.
If I was your father and I was to find out, either from you or on my own, you were dating an LA gang member. You would be on a plane back home so fast your head would not stop spinning for a week.
Speaking as myself now. I know you're in love and I know love is blind. I also know about the notorious LA Gang Bangers. While you may think he would never hurt you that is not quite true. His allegiance is to his gang, first, last and always.
Nothing good will come of this relationship and you will end up being hurt; possibly in more way than just one. My advice is you not only tell your parents about your boyfriend. You get on a plane and go home for a while. If you wish to live in THE USA you can come back after a while, maybe, and find someplace else to live.
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You asked if you should not mention some things. Why do you ask this? If you're wondering what the morally right thing to do is, it isn't that. Being honest is the right thing to do. That and trying to convince your boyfriend to take on a more socially acceptable job and/or breaking up with him. To me and most other people, these are the right things to do.
If you're asking what would be easiest on you, the harsh truth is you're going to have to be dishonest. You're going to have to do the wrong thing in order to maintain any sort of civility between your family and your boyfriend. There's no way to phrase "I've been dating a member of a gang for over a year" in such a way that will get a good reaction. No matter what you say, regardless of how great a guy he is, you seem to already know what the reaction will be.
So you've only two options. Be honest and suffer the repercussions or be dishonest and deal with the guilt that comes with it. You have to decide what's right for yourself, but I would personally be honest with them. Big secrets like this tend to have a way of coming out in the open at some point anyway.
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