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how do i break up with him?i know he loves me dearly,i love him too
i am a young lady aged 22 and my boyfriend is 25years,we are both still at university,i am from Botswana in Africa,i am my boyfriend's bestfriend and he is my bestfriend too..he has cheated,hurt me,betrayed me countless times and i have always learnt to trust him,give him all the attention and love i think he deserves cos i love him.lately he has changed from the cheating behaviour and he is trying to be a good man,i can see that and i appreciate it,PROBLEM,he is controlling,he never wants to to let me go out with my friends or sisters,he wants to know my passwords,he gets so angry when i miss his calls,he does'nt want me to have any male friends,HE DOES NOT TRUST ME,and i have never given him any reason to not trust me..everytime we hav a misunderstanding he raises his hand and voice at me..he has a high blood pressure problem,when he is stressed his bp goes high,and i dont know how to do this,cos i am scared he will get sick.SUNSHINE
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Juliet says if youre with him, you hate yourself. She's got the concept right. I was in that place once. I wouldn't call it hate though. If it was hate, it might be more obvious to you. What happened with me is that I loved myself in some small ways but I did not love myself enough to believe I needed to be treated better than i was by my first husband. So likely, you aren't loving yourself enough to stop placing yourself in a situation where you are treated as you are by him.
Giddy is right in saying this person is not treating you as a friend at all. There is a whole lot more wrong with him than just cheating on you and not believing that you are not doing the same.
My ex husband did not cheat but he had much of all the other things you describe about your boyfriend including the controlling. He verbally and mentally abused me. From what I've read, your boyfriend is doing the same with the threat to hit you by raising his hand to you. Believe me, someone like your guy gets worse over time and will progress to hitting so the time to get out is now. You simply walk away and never say anything to him. He doesnt need to know or he may try to convince you to stay.
Once you've left him, there are a couple of important things for you to learn so you don't end up in the same situation with another guy. 100% Self confident women do not end up staying with guys like yours. I thought I was self confident, but I was only to a point. He didn't crush my confidence totally, I had some, but not enough to leave him and it takes 100% self confidence to not end up with a guy like that. A self confident woman knows what type of positive behavior she wants from a guy and won't settle for less. The other thing you need to spend time studying is what positive behavior and character traits look like in a guy. Until you get that learned, at the very least, anytime you come across a guy that in any way reminds you of this last one, back away from him as quickly as possible and have nothing to do with him. You should be able to recognize the negative behavior easily enough. Good luck.
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I don't care what country you are from this kind of behavior is NOT acceptable! He most certainly does NOT love you dearly! He is NOT your best friend. Friends support each other and build each other up! Friends trust you, he does NOT. Friends are understanding when you miss their call. He is NOT! Friends never raise their hand to you in anger. Are you getting the picture yet ? He is NOT your friend. He is NOT a lover because this is NOT love! This man has serious issues and you are what is referred to as an enabler. YOU have a bigger problem than he does! You were probably raised to believe this is how a woman should act with a man but ...NO. If you want to break up with him then do it, his blood pressure isn't going to go any higher than it does when he is yelling and threatening to hit you! Good luck!
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Alright, no matter WHO here is going to give you advice on this problem, I need you to promise that you will take that advice and use it. I don't believe in once a cheater always a cheater, but I do believe in someone being a jerk for a reason. He doesn't trust you because he is still cheating on you. I wouldn't even face to face break up with him. I would stay as far away from him as possible. He could be a lunatic who will try an kill you for breaking up with you. I've seen and read many stories like this. You need to love yourself. And if you're with him, you hate yourself. It's a fact. Ditch him. He's a mean person. He isn't trying to change, he is trying to change you.
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