about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

So long story short, right now I'm engaged to somebody and though we love each other very much things have been rough lately. We live together in our own place and balance all of our own bills, ect. We both work full time and he works longer and more hours than I do.

This often leaves me with a lot of alone time and every Saturday to myself which makes me very lonely. We often disagree over little things and a lot of the time I feel like even though we're best friends that he's not mature enough for me to want to marry and spend the rest of my life with. He still does so many childish things like playing hours of video games, not wanting to shower every night, leaving his clothes all over the place, dishes left out, ect. We make okay money but most of the time we end up with just enough to cover the bills and maybe a little bit on the side. I'm sick of always freaking out over bills though and being scared of every little thing I buy extra. I've always wanted to try my hand at a more luxurious life with an older man and I figured having a Sugar Daddy is a good option.

I've been talking to my fiance about having a Sugar Daddy on the side and after a few days consideration he told me if I can keep the two separate and promise not to cheat on him that he's okay with it.

Not really knowing what to expect I signed up for a site and paid a month's subscription. I poured my heart out in the bio and put up a few photos. I got lots of responses as I'm a fairly attractive and intelligent woman. After filtering out all of the men that were obviously just looking for an escort or somebody to have sex with I settled on speaking to three men, but I'm only seriously considering one of them. Annually he makes 250,000-500,000 a year which seems absolutely amazing and he comes off like a really sweet genuine guy. We also seem to have a lot in common and he's coming up for our first "date" on Saturday. We're going out for dinner at a little posh place that I've always wanted to go to but never had the money for (and none of my family could ever afford even for a birthday gift). Afterwards I figure we'll walk around the square and talk.

The thing is with this guy is it seems like he might want a real relationship not something that is strictly SD/SB.
I mean I'm okay with that right now because I'm definitely not going to have sex with him anytime soon and who knows maybe we'll get along really well and things will blossom?

How can I balance the two though if I start having feelings for my SD and wanting a life with him instead of with my current fiance? I love my fiance so very much but sometimes it's really hard to see things working out. We're very close but like I said before I almost see us more as best friends than a potential husband and wife...

I can hardly see a man wanting to date and spend mney on and enjoy everything about the female he spends time with without sex after a while. Usually it becomes a full relationship. If I were the rich guy, I sure wouldnt be dumping lots of money on a girl for just someone to hang out socially with and been seen with, the money would be the icing on the cake for her if I found the female I could love because, you see...the person born into riches or who happened into a lucrative business or career and has whatever money can buy will eventually find that the only thing money can't buy is love. So its more likely that a sugar daddy will want to find love and is just dumb enough to think that using money to catch a girls attention will give him a chance.

You are treading dangerous ground. since you already have a boyfriend. If you are lonely and its just companionship, then it might be possible that finding someone who is polyamorous would be an option. There are different types of poly couples, many who are married, have a partner already who is aware of and okay with shareing you, and some relationships are just loving like a family member and for companionship but there is no sex, others go for the attraction and friendship both and have you then have another fully functioning love partner. Some men can't handle sharing, others can.

Most often feeling will develop for another person in your life. It doesn't mean that you may prefer the new person over ethe one you're with, but rather that you love them both for their differences. You could easily end up in a position of loving each one equally, not able to give up either one but losing one if the first partner was never okay with polyamory. This is not like swinging for just the sex, this type of relationship is truly for loving the person's company, who they are and often it can lead to falling in love. You may want to read up on polyamory and pass it by the boyfriend to see how he feels about it. If you want to balance the two, you need to be really good at relationship skills because the usual issues that come up in one relationship if you can't handle always successfully, become two fold or more if you add one or two more partners. The type of stress this brings upon you, of having to give enough time to each partner so non feels neglected, and working through any worries that arise, is more stress than the average person can handle but it is super personal growth material. It is not for the lonely, bored or faint hearted as the best option because it is work, just like any relationship, just more work.
Thinking a sugar daddy position is safe that there will be no sex is just fooling yourself or due to not being world wise yet.
The reason for sugar daddy dating sites is mostly the same as any regular dating sites, the guys whether they mention a sexual relationship or not blatantly, all want one in the end. Its just that these guys have the money to take good care of the girlfriend so she doesnt have to worry about working or having a shortage in the budget.

If its only boredome that is the issue and you dont need to work, perhaps you could find a passtime to fill up your time, donated time to charities, check out Meetup.com for something you like and find other people who feel the same, make new friends. Into yoga, board games, meditation, dancing, whatever, you can find a meet up somewhere on the subject you have interest in and others who feel like minded.
Good luck.

[view]

My bf of 2 years and I broke up but we act as though we never broke up. Nothing has changed between us sense we broke up. The reason that we broke up was because of our family. They don't get along so we decided that its never gonna work if our families don't get along. I get mixed feeling for him. Sometimes I really feel like im in love with him and sometimes I don't feel anything for him. when we broke up, we told each others that we were gonna give each others some space to get over things but it didn't go as planned. We still talk to each others. I really don't know what to do. Please help.

Last time i answered you it was because your parents didn't allow you to date until you got a bachelors degree first. I reminded you that although they are your parents, the actual parenting as far as raising you is over because you are now an adult and it is time to make your own decisions. you were dating in secret then.

If you are the same user who posted that question, then i am wondering if you finally told your parents, it wasn't well received and they threw a big enough fit to scare you into giving them their way, meaning breaking up with the guy.
Lesson one might be to have a heart to heart talk with the parents and let them know that although they are your parents, you need to start making adult decisions for yourself. If you wish, you could tell them that with any major choice that would affect your life, you'd come to them first before a decision to run it past them, giving them a chance to put in their unbaised but more experienced adult advice and that sometimes you will change your view and act upon their advise and other times you will not. Wether its still the best decision for you or not, it's your decision to make and for you to learn from the experience. Let them know you will still love them and want them in your life but that this one area must change. Then whatever they decide to do is their choice. If they want to without theirselves and their love from you, it's not a very adult action, but not all adults have mastered every area of their lives yet. So understand that though they are parents and older adults theres just as much chance of them being right as there is of them seeing a better choice or making a totally bad choice. That is their thing to yet learn.

Aside from the parents not getting along, it seems in this letter that you now have another issue. The guy you dated 2 years, where you both were doing great together, that same relationship you are trying to tell me you all of a sudden have mixed feelings for him? Sometimes you feel in love with him, sometimes you don't?

A true love is something that will not be rocked by any circumstance, hard times or opinions of others and other added pressures that might come your way. You are still young and it may take more time to learn how to stand steadfast no matter what, whether you have approval of family or not, whether finances became tight,loss of a job, whether one of you got injured or disfigured in an accident, whether you are unable to have children, one is born dead or with defects, there are many things that are hard to handle and some people when that pressure comes, instead of turning to each other for strength, they pull apart and go their own ways.

Since you are acting like you're still together but not said the official words, do you think that will matter to the parents when in fact, nothing much has changed if you're still communicating and maybe spending some time together? You've already tried the get over him route, although not for too long, not long enough to really get over someone....and then perhaps, a part of your heart never will get over him.

What you need to determine is whether you are just saying you are confused now about how much you still love him because you are trying to convince yourself you don't care anymore or trying to talk yourself out of a relationship with him. OR.... are you both still truly in love and 100% sure you have found the right partner for you at this point in life, that you are not settling for someone less than right for you.
If you are trying to talk yourself into saying your still in love and want to be with him and then feel nothing, perhaps you are not ready to be in a serious relationship, even though you've been together a couple years. Perhaps you are not ready and have enough self confidence to stand on your own two feet and start your adult life. Or perhaps the two of you really do need to be together at this point in life as that is part of your learning experience in this life and may be also part of how you two learn to gain independance from the parents.

If your parents are saying they will pay for your schooling only if you dance to their tune, then that isn't fair. You need to decide if you will give up control of your life to them in exchange for the school money or whether you will keep control of your life and turn down their help with school. You may have to find a job and takes classes just one at a time as you can afford to pay for them at a community college. Two of my daughters did it that way.

If there is any other pertinent information regarding your situation that I do not yet know of, please let me know so I can help better with advice. You need to do some soul searching as to what is more important to you if parents are paying, school or the boyfriend. IF they are of equal importance, then figure out as an adult, if you want to keep both, a way to do so on your own.

[view]

I just read that garlic is "poison for the brain". Now I'm really confused because a lot of websites state, that garlic is good for you and provide good reasons, while other websites do the exact opposite.
Now is there a smart person on here, who could explain the truth? .__.

I have never heard that garlic is poison for the brain. Garlic has curative effects, helping strengthen your otherwise naturally immune system when it is under attack due to cold or virus germs or just run down from stress and lack of sleep and being more suseptable to illness that may come along.

It is also a known fact that too much of one thing, even if taken in normal amounts, is not toxic, can't kill you, has some benefits for the body and possible curative, immune boosting effects.

You know that enough water intake daily is important to good health. Did you know that too much in a small space of time can lead to intoxication, same effects of drowning in water and even possibly death if not treated? Heres a link to prove that:
http://chemistry.about.com/cs/5/f/blwaterintox.htm

Now here is one link on garlic and the few things that might be a problem if you take way too much of it, no mention of being poison for the brain.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/518790-effects-of-too-much-garlic-on-human-body/

What is important to realize is that the guideline of daily recommended requirement by Doctors of whicht vitamin and minerals are essential for good health is there for a reason, so we know if we are not getting enough. But also so we are not taking in too much of any one good thing. Each plant and fruit and vegetable contains many different components in its make up. One of those in too much concentration in our bodies can cause problematic effects like too much gas, bloating, diarrhea, stomach pains, acid indigestion, tiredness, hyper, headaches, congestion in nose, bronchial, chest, etc... and some things taken in too large an amount can by other symptoms if not treated in some cases, lead to eventual death.

Of course, as you said, you'll always find opposing reports on the net that something is good for or bad for you...two different views it would seem.
But if you actually research it closely you realize its a bunch of bunk, just an excuse, flimsy reason to publish an article. I once heard a report that "Chocolate is good for your heart, so you can go ahead and eat as much of it as you can."

Well, there's just one or two enzymes in chocolate that are beneficial but not present in large enough amounts to really help. It is better for you to go to a natural food/supplement outlet and purchase that enzyme in a concentrated pill form. Eating the amount of chocolate needed to help your heart would possibly cause terrible acne outbreak due to the fat content. Thats one that happens to me if I overdo it. Also the sugar increase in diet if kept up can lead to diabetes. There may be other problems but I don't have the time to look. Here's the article on chocolate

http://www.fitday.com/fitness-articles/nutrition/healthy-eating/6-health-benefits-of-dark-chocolate.html

So basically, you need to excercise your common sense in relation to what you hear and do more research on your own to know whats what.

[view]

Earlier this year one of my guy friends had a bad breakup with his girlfriend and she started dating one of his friends. He turned emo and started cutting himself. He became atheist and more reserved. He had so much hatred to his ex-girlfriend(my friend)and his friend(also my friend)I helped him through it and got him to stop cutting, become Christian, and become more comfortable with people and also to forgive them both and he is now friends with both of them again. He is a completely changed person now. But he seems to have a bit of an obsession with me.He asked me out but I sadly rejected him because I felt nothing for him. I only did the things I did because he was my friend and I hated seeing him that way. He now has a new girlfriend but he acts like he doesn't like her. He says things about her that he think is weird and awkward. He flirts ALOT when we talk over facebook but the thing is I feel extremely guilty. I feel like im making him cheat. Ruining his relationship. Ive told him countless times that I only want us to be friends but he acts like he forgets that. He says im flirting with him when im just joking around with him. He says "I love you" but I try to take it in a friendly way because he says it to all of his lady friends in a brother-siter kind of way. He says things like im his "future wife" but adds "lol" just to seem like he's joking. He constantly reminds me of the things ive done for him when he was at his lowest point. Thanking me millions of times.He calls me beautiful. He gets jealous easily but he tells me things about his girlfriend and other girls to make me jealous. He has done many attempts to get me to fall for him. Extreme attempts that it almost ruined our friendship. Besides the flirting he is a very nice person(obnoxious at times)but very sweet. He has given me many gifts such as food he has cooked (he cooks a lot)and flowers and teddy bears (before he started dating) He told me he was giving me these things for "appreciation for what I have done" and if I didnt accept them, he made me. He is my best friend. He is very protective and defends me if someone is bullying me. He is very caring. He asks how my day was and sometimes good morning messages. He makes it his job to message me everyday and is always the first to start a convo. We will talk for hours on end just about silly things and joke around a lot. He comes to me when he needs someone to talk to and is going trough something and I do the same for him. He says that he will always be there for me if i need anything. He just the bestest friend you could ever ask for. I just feel like im taking advantage of him. Im trying hard to make our friendship work because I don't want to lose him. But he is constantly testing it. He tells me he's not over me even if he has a girlfriend. He treats me like I am his which I have told him to stop but he wont. Nearly everyone in the school knows of his crush on me. He tags me in posts on Facebook that say things like "Tag the most beautiful girl you know" or "tag a girl that you think is adorable" I just don't know what to do anymore! How can I save our friendship?! He was not always like this. Thank you for reading! I know it was long! :(

Its no different communicating with a female best friend or a male one...in each case, really true, indepth, honest communication is needed. I don't know of too many true best friends were they feel they cant trust each other enough to bare their hearts and share their deepest secrets.
It sounds to me like that is something that is not happening here...perhaps for fear of hurting each other or losing each other.

What you have found in him seems to be all the right things you would look for in a marriage partner or long term relationship in the future.
I always share that being best friends and having the right spark, chemistry, attraction on a romantic-sexual basis is the 2nd thing important to a solid base for such relationships.

So I must assume that since you don't see him as anything but best friend, that you don't feel the romantic spark for him and thats the only thing lacking. Thats good enough reason to not go for romantic dating partner with him.
The problem may be that he DOES feel a spark with you, something more beyond friendship. But if you don't, then it's one sided, not mutual.
This is something that happens often in real life. You feel bad for the other but just can't be what they want you to be. There is no way for you to change how you feel. Time will not change that. I was married 30 years to a man who was sexually incompatible with me, we didn't even have that romantic spark.

I am one always for honesty overall, but will withhold info that could anger or hurt another person if it's someone I am not close to, like a co worker, a distant relative, an occasional and acquaintance, etc. But for someone who is a main part of my life and knows me really well, it is honesty all the way because they would know me well enough to know if I were holding something back.
Right now, my guess is that this young man believes that there is a chance of a future between the two of you, dating long term and eventually marriage. It may be that he assumes it will only take a little convincing, that you will eventually discover you have those feelings for him, that perhaps you are scared of those feelings and have them now and just need to feel comfortable before you allow him to have that kind of relationship with you.
I know of guys who have a best friend in a girl but the guy doesn't have any romantic spark with the girl and she doesnt with him. IN this case, for all rules and purposes, they can be best friends and see each other as a sister and brother. One cant mix that and feel like a sibling and yet also feel that romance spark as well, not unless something in really wrong in the family and a sibling loves or lusts after a sibling and it eventually leads to incest.

You and he need to have a heart to heart talk. Having to share the hard truth with someone is do-able. What makes it work is doing so with your heart in the right place. Is you care enough about him that he doesn't continue with his heart in the wrong place for you due to not knowing the whole truth, then he needs to hear. Your tone of voice and your eyes will hopefully back up what you say and if he's observant he will see and will begin to realize that you aren't pulling his leg, and not being mean, that you are sharing the truth, that you don't feel any romantic chemistry for him and you want him to be aware of that because some of what he says and does is looking very serious and obvious that he sees you now as more than just a friend.

On the other hand, can you picture him dating a girl who would be jealous of you so he no longer has contact with you. Can you handle that and move on, looking for the guy who has the same best friend qualities, treats you the same but you both have great chemistry together?
I say this because this is possibly going to happen once he gets over you and decides to move on and fall in love again. How would you feel? Is it only that you have never known him as anything but friend and for so long that it never occured to you to explore whether there was some spark between you? Some females have realized in thinking along these thought lines or by seeing the guy move on, not seeing her anymore, that indeed she feels a deep love for him and is afraid she lost him. I have heard of this scenerio several times from those writing in. Sometimes, all it takes is confessing you don't f eel anything because you both have chosen to only treat each other as friends and that he has made no moves romantically towards you like holding hands, cuddling or kissing you, so you've assumed it just isn't there, that spark i mean. It could be something like a live coal hidden under the ashes, simply need a little coaxing to fan it into a flame. Be honest if you want to check this possibility out and say you will give it a try but it only takes a day or two to know by allowing such advances from him and seeing if you have a natural response to him. If you dont, then tell him so. When I was dating before I met my 2nd husband, I went out with a guy that I really liked in conversation, lots to like, but when he kissed me, I felt nothing. Of course he noticed I didn't kiss back, I told him I didn't feel any romantic response but we agreed to give it a little time and see if things changed. It did not. There are 3 way a female could respond to lets say a man stroking a finger along her arm.
1. total disgust and revulsion, grossed out
2. it feels so sensual and excites you and you want more
3. you feel absolutely nothing, neither 1 or 2.

In case #1, theres no connection as friends nor in romantic chemistry.

In case #2 There is either the romantic chemistry, sexual attraction but the other friendship connection is missing or both connections are there

In case #3 The friendship connection is present but the chemistry one is missing.

I can't say whether your friendship can be saved if you dont become a romanctic couple dear.

I told you all this so that you can understand why, if it doesnt work out to stay friends long term. Cus eventually in life, both of you will move on and things get complicated then. The priority of ones time must go first to girlfriend/wife, home, family-children, job and other things and usually that leaves little time for a friend is the other female in his life doesnt feel threatened or awkward because of you.
What if he can only meeet to chat once every 2 weeks or way less? Even friendships with girlfriends change drastically as we graduate and move on with our lives, which often take us in different directions and then we also grow and change into someone different so that we find we have less in common in the future with someone we were once close to. This is all part of life and a very common occurance.
I wish you the best.

[view]

I asked a question some days back on being confused, about a guy who likes me but has a girlfriend, and asked me to hang out with him..... I eventually did before I got back to read your reply by then I had made a huge mistake. I eventually went out with him, we chilled with couple of his friends, and then we drove to a dark spot where he wanted us to talk, but instead of talking we ended up kissing and making out even more than we did the first time. When we where done he called his girlfriend right in front of me and said to me "hush! i wanna talk to the boo" i would have been a different thing if she called, but instead he did it himself...I felt so used i felt this sadness within me, i felt so stupid. i however confronted him on why he would call his girlfriend right in front of me afta making out, and that it was disrespectful , rather he should have waited till i left. He was so furious he started yelling at me telling me that why i am i angry that he called his girlfriend, he continued yelling at me till i started crying, he started shouting "why the fuck are you crying in my car" i told him that this isn't what i want that i wanted something real then he said well he cant be that person that he has a babe", and that i should go out there and date someone else that i shud have fun and stop getting attached... i was so hurt i couldn't believe that it was the same person i was with some days ago that treated me that way.... i am happy i read ur reply and sad that i didn't read it before i went out with him a second time.... The problem is we work in the same company, i see him everyday i am trying so hard to act professional but i cant stop thinking about what happened... Pls i need to know what to do to get my respect back.

Ah sorry to hear about your experience dear. Makes me wish that somehow I could've answered you sooner so you saw my response sooner.
How he treated you is a terrible thing.
The hope I can give you, which in a round about way may help you feel better about yourself is this: I have made some mistakes in life too. The lessons I learned the best are not the ones taught to me but the ones I learned through going through the experience. Ask any med student...what they learned in books cant compare to all the emotions, feelings, adrenaline they experience going through doing a surgery, saving a life. Sometimes, our guardian angels allow a thing like what happened to you to occur to teach us something that is better learned this way. If you're a fast learner, you only need this one time to go thru such a horrible experience. Dont think of it like there was something wrong with you, that you were stupid, or that this kind of thing is your lot in life and you have to accept it.
I do believe that before we are born into our bodies, that our soul had it's own agenda of things to either experience or learn, things that are most helpful for our souls spiritual growth.
So going thru a bad experience like that if meant as just to experience, its likely so that you can know what it feels like and be able to have compassion for other girls in your same situation. We can't know why right now, but someday when you are in Heaven you can ask why it had to happen and for example sake: It may be that the key reason you had to know what it felt like and how to get over being a victim of it, is because another girl you meet went through the same thing and is planning to kill herself over it but the night before, unknowingly you run into her and she gets talking and you learn of her similar experience and are able to minister to her so that her life is turned around and she decides to live after all. sO why does God allow such terrible things to happen to good people? It's not that He allows it, rather He does not interfere with the 'free will' he gave all men. In order for your experience to not have happened, he would have had to force the guy to decide to not accept going out with you. Or he could have forced your interest and feelings in the guy to change to one of disinterest in the blink of an eye.
Another thing that might help you deal with events like this, is knowing that not all souls are as mature as others. The Christian faith which I started in, is the only one I know of that teaches we have only this one life to get it right or we may end up going to hell. It would be like a parent punishing their child harshly each time they failed to tie their shoe properly as they were learning how. Is that good incentive to learn? It teaches twisted principles... learn it, do it only to save your skin, anythings okay as long as you don't get caught, etc...

I at one point in life began to believe as many other faiths believe, that there is reincarnation. It answers many questions and holes left in the Christian belief. We don't have a harsh angry vengeful God who would squash us flat in a minute if He were so inclined. That is not God at all. He gives our souls as many lifetimes as needed to evolve and grow more spiritual which in two parts involves how werelate to God and how we relate to our fellow human being which are our sisters and brothers in the greater family of his creation.
The problem is that some souls, given their will to change and learn or not have some wasted lifetimes where nothing was learned, like flunking a grade and not passing on to the next.
So there are many souls who are not at the same spiritual level as you and there are some people whose souls are further along than yours.
Its the immature souls who do these painful hurtful things. I ended up at age 20 marrying a man who initially hid his true self from me and family. After 6 mos to a year, things starting happening that I at first brushed off, but soon became glaringly obvious, I was treated no better than you experienced. I got verbal and emotional abuse from him 24/7. I stayed with him 30 yrs raising my kids and then left. Most women would have a low self image and be so emotionally damaged after that. The worst that happened is the stress took effect on my physical health but my self image stayed in tact due to my close relationship with God, getting what I needed from Him to stay emotionally sane.
You may not believe as i, when I later in life learned of reincarnation, that explained things to me. Just as a child who flunks a grade shouldn't be jailed or put to death, a soul who is immature cus he is not applying himself and wanting to change and grow into a better person, should not be punished either. In fact such people are needed. Someone (like Judas) had to do the dirty deed to Jesus, same as an immature soul needed to be the harsh part of our experience for us to learn from for without them, such things can not be experienced. That thought struck me hard. Once God knew I understood, it was a short step to being able to forgive the ex and actually be thankful that he came into my life so I could experience the things I did at his hand because they helped me to learn a valuable lesson.

All this long story to tell you that it is not something dishonorable to have experienced something like this cus of a choice you made. Mistakes need to be seen as stepping stones in ones learning experience, always doing a little better the next time.
Is it better to somehow have avoided your encounter with him? I don't know but from the experience of a family I knew from church, I know that some major things a person needs to e xperience are going to happen one way or the other and the next way might be even a worse experience.
Here's the story: A family living in my town were going to relocate to another state. He was a bus driver in a big city. I truly believe he was meant to die so that his wife could experience being a widow and single parent for whatever reasons. The first time he cheated death was asking for one more day to pack up, a day he was scheduled to work. They found last minute replacement. That replacement was killed that day as a crazy mental patient got on the bus with a gun and started argueing with the driver. The driver was shot and lost control and the bus fell from an overpass. The 2nd time, he had just left home in the new state to go to work on his motorcycle, hadn't got but a couple blocks from home when a car cruising fast around a corner hit him full on. He had many broken bones but survived that one. The next one I heard was that he was cleaning one of his guns and it still had a bullet in the chamber and accidently shot himself and died. This was a man who I knew to be extra cautious around guns and with cleaning them, he and my husband went shooting together. What was meant to be was going to occur at some point or another. As long as you have learned something here, can learn to not jump too quickly, learn to ask the right questions and get to know a person's character and for the first handful of dates, drive your own car and meet him somewhere, never go with him in his car, then you won't have to go thru this again. So when you see him at work, see him as just a pawn in life used by Fate to teach you something. There is no respect lost in that.

[view]

I'm female, 30 years old. I recently met a guy I really like, he's 31. We hit it off immediately and had three great dates. At te end of the third date (last night) we went back to his place and started making out and he was very respectful about not having to take things further. I said I wouldn't. So that was that but things got heavy and I told him I was ready to have sex, but that sometimes in my experience guys disappear if things move so fast. I did say I wouldn't regret having sex with him and he was very respectful saying I didn't have to do anything. So anyway...we ended up having sex and I spent the night. We felt comfortable with each other, though naturally things got a little awkward. We had good conversation this morning, so I felt at ease. But after leaving his place I kept thinking to myself that even though I didn't regret sleeping with him and things seemed okay between us, that I maybe slept with him too soon and should have waited a bit longer. I just feel that if a guy gets sex so soon, he either loses interest or backs off because things moved too quickly. I don't want to lose the potential of a relationship or even some good times with him because I sincerely enjoy his company. I made that clear to him before we had sex--that I like hanging out with him and don't want the sex to change things. I would like opinions on this, especially from men, or even women who have been trough similar things. Did I risk losing this guy over having sex so soon?

I don't believe there is such as thing as too soon under the right conditions. Why I feel that way, generally when I dated a guy..it was because we had a lot in common, there was not just hobbies and stuff but we talked enough to see we thought and believed enough alike so we had same goals in life, same morals, etc... I met my husband on a dating site, first correspondence on a Sunday, so Monday thru Friday we talked hours every night due to both having long work schedules and living 45 min apart to see each other in person sooner. By end of week, we both know we had to meet in person...We knew already we had plenty in common from what was shared in conversation by phone. It was now a matter of did we feel that spark, chemistry in person to be attracted and have a chance physically. We had already shared who we were sexually, our past experiences that led to current likes and preferances. So I got to see him that Sunday, and he left it up to me to make the first move. I had intended to stay over simply cus we'd talked in person too long for me to want to drive home now. He was good to his word to not touch me. But our kiss goodnight led to more kisses and had me getting carried away and wanting more, and we had sex, and that was our official first date.

I had no worry about whether it was too soon. When we're talking about young people trying to find their first long term partner or for marriage, the young guys could either be looking more for a lust or sex connection than wanting to find a woman to love for who she is and also enjoying sex with her.

In my case both of us were older, both divorced and knowing we were looking for our next partner. I had to settle for less with ex, we were a sexual mismatch so this was important to me. I had to check this area out thoroughly to see if a prospective guy was going to be someone who I could enjoy sexually for the rest of my life.

With my 2nd husband, I already knew I had everything i wanted in common with him and sex was the one area I needed to confirm to be sure about. So we had sex on the first date. Half way through the week he was proposing to me.

This sureness can happen at younger ages too. You need to know that as far as you have had to gather info on the guy in the 3 dates that he at least sounds like a good prospect and has similar goals to you in dating, relationships and what he wants now or for the future, like wife and kids.

If you don't know what he wants or is looking for, or feel you can trust what he tells you, then you will always feel uncertain whether you are having sex too soon.

[view]

What kind of symptoms would see in a 52 male who probably is narcisstic and bi-polar?

I talked to a friend once who had a counseling psychology background (retired) about a person i had become friends with..a neighbor who ended up in my life more often than i wanted who exhibited behaviour that just doesnt come across as a normal well adjusted adult with self confidence, kindness and love for their fellow human being.
I had gone on line to decipher just what her problem was, even bought a book on how to understand people with the myriad of mental illnesses or disabilitys.
I thought I had narrowed it down but the more I read, the more confused I became. The lot of them began to sound like they all had the same symptoms.

My friend told me that yes, many sport all the same symptoms except one or two which you may not have been privy to seen displayed yet. It can take even a specialist a long time of counsseling to determine exactly what the persons problems are.
I am a mom too. I currently have a daughter in a relationship with a guy who suffers from multiple things but since I have never met him, just heard her description, I can't be sure. I also come from an abusive 1st marriage. the ex had some mental issues from childhood that caused his destructive mental health issues which caused me to eventually leave the marriage.
There's always enough to love about such a person but it always ends up becoming a cycle of abusive, apologizing, the make up or honeymoon period, all goes well for a while until pressure builds up and it repeats going to the next outbreak.
I understand your issues being fearful as a mother. My mom was for me too but couldn't talk me into leaving my husband. I was in the church at the time and trusting God to heal my marriage in a church where I was taught divorce was not acceptable. I stayed 30 yrs before I left.
Age has nothing to do with the kind of symptoms you'd see in a person suffering from any mental issues. I can say that my ex got slowly worse over the years. The same for a neighbor lady friend of mine. Her husband got worse over time.

The deal here is that your daughter is an adult, doesnt matter if the adult daughter is in her 20;s or 50's, either way...no one can tell her what to do, point out what we see. Until she's ready to hear, one can talk til their blue in the face and she wont receive it. God gave us all free will. So it must be her that initiates the desire to leave, the strength to leave after she wakes up to the truth. This change must come from within. I know its hard as a mom to sit back and watch a loved one in a relationship with a man who is less than perfect, whether he is just the average guy with too much of a temper sometimes or whether the guy has severe mental issues that have a label to them.
I have read that narcissistic and bi polar people, though they may end up in relationships, the severity of the illness is such that no matter how hard the other partner tries because they love em, the relationship always is killed and ends.
The only thing you can do, the same as I am doing for my daughters, is pray that God or their angels get through to them...imagine sending extra power to the angels or praying for gOD to get thru to your child because that is the only thing we can do.

[view]

Help me forget my past with the lesbian

There is no magic way to erase a memory. All you can do is redirect your mind to being busy thinking and handling other current projects and or people in your life. When too busy to have idle time to focus on her, it's the next best thing.

The questions you did not ask but may need to be addressed is why you want to forget her?

I can think of two. Choose the one that fits your situation and if I missed it, write and let me know what your situation is.

One: Being that you still love her but she left you and it hurts and you cant stop thinking about her. That happens in any relationship breakup. It's a memory that is not just in your conscious mind when you are awake, but its deep in your subconscious because the sub is where all our emotions and feelings are stored and come from. The subconscious will still have feelings for a person long after you part. It is never erased but current love can take the forefront, be top priority in your life so the love and memory of the past partner goes to the back burner of the stove. Time will heal the feelings and the hurt but not erase the memories.

Two: Being that you are young, entering or just gone through puberty...full of sexual urges but not wanting to get pregnant. Either you came up with it or the other girl friend did, and talked you into having sex with her. It was a good way to care care of both your urges at the time. But at a later time, one or both of you moved on, perhaps have boyfriends. Due to what you hear some people or the church say...you feel guilty about that episode in your past, want to get over it but can't forget. You think you've done something really wrong and thats why you want to erase the memory and forget her.

If this is the case, let me assure you that it is perfectly normal for two heterosexual teen girls to have their first sexual experiences with a girlfriend. It is actually a very good alternative to becoming sexual with a guy and having to worry about becoming pregnant. Engaging in a sexual relationship with another girl does not automatically make you or her Lesbian. There are females as I said who are straight who did it for the purpose I stated...or one or both may be bi-sexual and this means that they can have sexual desire for both males and females. Some go over both in equal amounts...while gals I know personally preferred females but found they had sexual desire for one man who became her b est friend and husband and had kids with and he allowed her the girlfriends on the side to satisfy her bi-sexual tendencies. I had one friend like that who introduced me to other friends of hers like that. I am strand youcan be replaced by a tnoaight but curious to talk to people like this and find out the hows or whys of this type of relationship and how it's working out for them. If it's guilt that causes you to want to forget, you don't have to forget, cus theres no reason for the guilt.

[view]

I dated a guy two years younger than me my senior year of high school. We dated for about 6 months and then he broke up with me. Then I started dating a boy a year older than me even though I wasn't 100% over the younger guy. I broke up with the older guy and now I'm back with the younger guy. Everything has been perfect and so much better than the first time we dated. I recently saw my ex (the older guy) and I have been thinking about him a lot. I feel like I cut it off too fast and I should have stayed with him longer. I also really miss the maturity he had and how he supported himself rather than parents supporting him. I'm not sure what I'm feeling and I don't know what to do about it.

At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of guy you want to end up life long with.

Dating is for determining if there is interest beyond basic attraction, discovering more about the other to determine if you like and can handle their personality traits, and whether there's enough in common, or evidence of destructive habits or tendencies in the other that would harm you emotionally and/or physically and kill the relationship. Depending on what you discover, you either continue dating the person and take it to the committed couple level or you break up.

Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Make a list of the qualities you like and remind yourself with another list of the qualities you dont like or must avoid because they are harmful to your well being. Review it and update it often through out the years.


If you break up, you look for the next dating partner, always trying to find someone a step better than the last partner, basing your choices for the new person on traits you discovered in the last person that you liked enough to look for in the next person, while at the same time avoiding the other things that you won't tolerate.
If all is going well and you develop some serious feelings for each other, you take the relationship from just dating to the committed couple level. At this level, depending on your age, you are dating each other exclusively or if adults, moving in together or getting married.
If you find you keep having the same issues, no matter which guy you date, either you never learned from the past relationship, or perhaps more of the issues are with you and you need to be honest with yourself as to what issues you need to work on within yourself before you can make a good dating partner. I can't begin to stress how helpful having a list of what I liked and wanted and needed in a guy was to me in finding my 2nd husband. It should work just as well at any age, including high school dating too.


[view]



Im the kind of girl that has more guy friends then girl friends because i feel that make less drama and overall are more fun to hang out with. You dont get judged and you rarely have to worry about them talking crap behind your back. The downside is that out of all the guy friends i have they try there very hardest to make me jealous. Its not in my nature to be jealous hearted. Whenever someone (whether its my friends or anyone) has accomplished something or is doing great in life i will be the first one to be happy for them. But i have noticed that some of them of them try to change that. I overheard that they "swap ideas" like dating other girls just so i can be jealous and eventually be with them or begin to like them. It hurts. It Really it does. The worst part is that i cant do anything about it. They make sly remarks like for instance that i didnt seem thrilled when they told me that one of them were dating my best friend. Not to mentioned i was over joyed and hugged them both and glad because my friend had just gotten over a terrible heartbreak. One that i was helping her through. One even asked me if they want them to break up with there girlfriend and im just taken aback by it. Im just wondering if this some kind of sick joke. It seems like i have to constantly prove that i dont want more than a friendship with some of them. Im worried about acting in a certain way just so they wont take it as if im not happy for them. Im just frustrated and dont know what to do :(

I think there are two possibilities and the other advice giver mentioned one of them, that guys at this age just aren't mature and have their own brand of talking and teasing that they carry too far sometimes in their efforts to treat you like one of the guys. But you are a girl, so of course their actions bug you or hurt.

Now here is another possibility...ok...it may seem far fetched but perhaps originally the guys were willing to hang out with you as one of them, just being your male friends. But in doing so, they all got to know you better and more than one of them likes you enough to want you for a girlfriend. They are using the only methods they can come up with to sway you into deciding to be more than just a friend but a girlfriend.
One thing guys hate is ending up in the friend zone and a girl not seeing them as a potential romance/boyfriend. All of them know which ones of them are attracted to you though one may be quiet and keeping it from the bunch. They figure if they make you feel jealous that they are dating girls that it will cause you to want to go after one of them. Of course, if that were to happen and you really did make a choice and chose and dated one of the guys, then it would no longer be fun and games between them as they would become jealous of each other and the way guys take care of being angry that their friend got the girl that they all want, is to fight amongst themselves.
It very well could be that you are the much sought after, prized girl over any of the others,,,,especially if they are not interested in them for the girls draw as a unique person. They are dating girls they don't even care about hoping that will get you to date them instead. If the only reason as you heard them say they date other girls is to get you jealous and to begin to like one of them, then they are not dating the other girls because they are attracted to them, they all want you. See, I told you this sounds far fetched but I have heard from so many teen girls who were one of the guys friends and discovered 3 of them were interested in her becoming their girlfriend and saw them fighting amongst themselves even tho she had not chosen one.
Come on, how more obvious can it be, like the guy asking you if you want him to break up with his girlfriend? His plan is to replace her with you if you will agree. Unless you failed to mention it, doesnt sound like any of them have outright confessed to you that they see you as more than a friend and want to date you. It could be they are afraid if they do something, they'll scare you away and you will leave them all and then they'd have nothing, not even a friend.

Its up to you whether you continue to hang out with them or not.
But keep in mind for future references, that the most successful long term relationships, including marriage, are based upon 2 things, being each others best friend and also having great sexual compatibility. Not saying teens must be having sex, but just with a kiss you can tell if there is that spark or chemistry with one person and not with another. For marriage, it goes deeper to have the same libido...how much desire of sex to be satisfied, and actual preferences. Most all that doesnt apply to you at this point but I am trying to say that becoming friends with guys first is a good way to go. The next natural step would be to choose the one that seems most perfect a match for you to experience dating and romance with.
Ask yourself if you are afraid of losing their respect and friendship if you were to begin dating. Why is it you don't want more than a friendship with them? If you plain old have no desire whatsoever, then fine. One day your body will kick into gear and start responding with desire and attraction to certain guys you see or meet. It doesnt mean we go after every person we feel that response to, we need to choose wisely for the best friend part.
I feel bad for your best friend because it seems she is possibly being used as a pawn, only to get to you, by making you jealous enough to assert yourself in going after one of the guys.

If my proposed possibility is what is really happening, it is a very sticky situation and I can't say there is one way better than another to solving it. But I would ask for honesty from the guys, one at a time. Choose your questions wisely but they're more likely to talk one on one than in front of their buddies. You might even ask point blank if they see you as more than a friend.

If they do, there's nothing you can do to change how they see you. Therefore, you could know where you stand with all the guys and then have to decide if you still want to hang out with the group of them when more than one of them i either s crazy about you and wants to date you. If you have no such inclination, it may be better to walk off, not go back if you cant handle that or it makes you uncomfortable.

[view]

I'm a 20 F and he's a 36 M. I'm cognizant of the age difference--my parents have the same one. I work in a drug store, not an office or anything, and I'll be leaving the job in several months.

Anyway, we've worked together for three years and I've liked him for almost the whole time. He was always rather distant with me but when I came back from school this past semester he started acting different.

He teases me constantly. He mocks my voice when I say something; ANYTHING and smirks at me when I whine about it. He puts price stickers on me, stands in my path so I'll push him out of the way, etc. We weren't very physical up until recently. Now we try to trip each other, he (gently) poked me in the kidney, and he did the same to my arm. If I stand on a piece of paper he's trying to get off the floor he'll bend down and grab my ankle to pull it up, and I grab him for balance.

He mimics weird tics I have, like pressing my nails together and rubbing my stomach. I kick at his feet when he does and he steps lightly on my toes.

I started texting him a few weeks back. Nothing pushy, just initiating conversation. He talked a bit at first but now he's starting to really open up and the past two days he started the conversation with me. We texted for six hours last night and made plans to go to the movies together.

We went to the movies last weekend with another coworker and it was good. Nothing happened, of course. But he offhandedly mentioned he wanted to see a movie and I said 'Movie date!' and he replied "you want to go??" I said sure and asked if we were inviting other people. He said we could but I said 'ehhh, they smell, though' and he agreed and said "well then, just you and me."

There have been other isolated incidents over the years. Last year before I left for school I was sitting in a room that bridges the store to his office. I was on the counter and he was passing through and I made a teasing comment that I was almost as tall as him. He's 6'1" and I'm 5'2". He stepped close to me, almost to my legs, and smiled, shook his head, stared right into my eyes, and said, "No, you aren't."

The only other major incident was also before I left for school. We were going into the office where another manager was and he was kicking at my feet or something. She threw the door open and said, "Why don't you two get it over with and date already!" I was sort of flustered because that's what I wanted so I only managed to mutter something about killing him if we were to date. And he didn't get uncomfortable like I figured he would. He laughed but didn't say anything.

So didn't know what to make of that... I don't know if he thinks of me as a friend or if he's actually interested in me.

Thats some hard core flirting. Lots of it, the average type of flirting, but a lot of it just sounding like the kind of middle school pranks guys and gals pull on each other to show they are interested.

The only thing you did not mention is whether this guy has a girlfriend or a wife or whether he is single. You'll better know for sure if you are considering getting into a relationship with him.

At 36, he may just be a playful guy in nature...especially if he's like this with everybody. You'd know if this is how he is like in life. But to be honest, my first reaction to reading your descriptions to what he does is that I have never known an adult man to flirt that way. I was on dating sites for a couple of years and dated many guys and got lots of flirting but it was all at a different more mature level and nothing like what you describe which as I Said reminded me of middle school boys. It could be an indication that despite his age, what you have here is a man who has never grown up and is still much like a teen ager in his mentality which may explain why he feels more on equal ground by going after someone who is much younger. Not saying age gap is bad, just that you need to not assume that because he is older that he is more mature. You may never be able to expect the ability to be able to really count on him for all the things that matter in a long term relationship like marriage. He may not ever want the responsibilities of a mature relationship and prefers staying in the flirting stage...possibly reason he hasn't gone after you and started dating. I dont know if you know anything of his history, past relationships, whether at his age he has any kids or divorces. It is entirely possible too that he has already tried that route and found himself unwilling or incapable of being able to be the one strong adult half to a relationship. Go carefully if you decide to ask him out and start dating. If waiting for a him to ask, you may have to wait forever cus even though you respond to and join in the flirting, he doesnt know how you feel inside. Some people do take flirting on as a sport rather than as an indicator of interest in pursueing a relationship. Perhaps he thinks you are thinking of it as a sport or fun pastime rather than taking him seriously. I have no idea. The only way to discover anything with him would be for you to sit and engage him in a serious, indepth, adult conversation...if he is capable of that.
Good luck dear.

[view]

a couple months ago I stopped talking to my best guy friend.it's because two girls I used to be friends with hate me, and he has a huge crush on the one of them so she was able to turn him against me. My friends say what he did was wrong, just believing her over me. His birthday is the day after mine andI wanted to send him a text at midnight just let him know that I didn't forget. I don't know if I should apologize or just keep quiet until something happens. But it's already been a while and I really miss him. My friend say no and I kind of think that I should have but then I want to. And if we do become friends again that I'm going to have to worry about them still talking to him. What if it doesn't go right because they are still friends with him. I really don't know what to do and I really miss him and none of us like each other. Help?

Your friend is right...don't go apologizing for something you didn't do. Most likely he is young and still impressionable and has no idea that instead of taking someone at their word, it is best that person have earned their trust to be honest in what they said before believing them just because you have some connection to or relationship with the person. Younger people often havent learned how to do this. When an accusation is heard, instead of instantly accepting it is so, it is best to take time to do ones own digging and asking and checking to discover if it is so or not.
The male friend of yours is obviously not there yet. Time will tell as years go by whether it was immaturity and he grew out of it or whether its something he learned or doesnt care to learn.

You can send a birthday greeting if you wish but dont expect anything back.
Woman can be vicious to each other and get jealous easily, more so at the younger age bracket. My guess is that it;s highly likely that as his girlfriend, she couldn't handle the fact that he had you as a best friend, non romantic friend. So she lied and made up something to get him to break off his friendship with you so she wouldnt have to feel jealous anymore. Hopefully in time her true character will be revealed to him. He needs to discover it for himself, not have it told or pointed out by others. But once he sees what she really is about, he'll leave her. Always be willing to forgive and take him back as a friend. If he does this again in the future though, its a situation of 'fool me once-shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.' What I mean is if he shows he hasn't learned his lesson and keeps repeating it, then it may be best to not take him back as a friend at that point.

[view]

So this may seem silly, but I've spent the last few months getting over a 5 year relationship and everything seems to have changed in the dating world.. Feeling old >.<

I've been seeing this guy for about 2 weeks now (we got to know each other on online dating website for 1-2 weeks prior to that), we've been on 5 dates, and he's coming to my place this Saturday evening for diner. He's been here before and we've had a few intimate makeout sessions on our most recent dates, and we've mentioned sex in passing in previous conversations, but also briefly mentioned waiting for 'the right time'. We've both mentioned that we really like each other and that we'd like to keep seeing each other since the first official date. We've touched on exclusivity but it hasn't been a full on topic. Whatever, I don't really care at this point.

Finally, the actual question: Is it weird for me to ask him if he wants to stay over, without specifically 'asking' him to have sex. As in, I would not be asking him to have sex, but just to sleep over. I mean I wouldn't be totally opposed to it if he tried to make a move, but I don't want to be "that girl" and lead him to think that this happens all the time with everyone, or imply I just want sex. Honestly, I kinda just want the excuse to spend the next day with him before I go on vacation for 2 weeks.

It may also be relevant that I've only ever been with one person before (the 5 years guy was my first and only).
-Female, 24

Sex isn't a subject for the timid, squeemish, or uncomfortable. But it is a very important one for two people trying to be in a relationship.
Of the two solid foundations for a healthy long term relationship, sexual compatibility is one and the other is being each others best friend and thats where all the things like respect and trust and such fall under.

Your own words were: "we've mentioned sex in passing in previous conversations''. I won't assume what you meant by that. Either you just mentioned briefly that at some point you'd want to have sex with whomever you had for a boyfriend, which conveys nothing to each other of any importance. Or you've had some in depth but brief sharing of of what you like, don't like, what boundaries you'd want. Anything other than in depth knowledge of what each other wants and expects is like playing Russian Roulette with a gun. Eventually, one of you or both are going to get burned.

Now in answer to your question: Is it weird for me to ask him if he wants to stay over, without specifically 'asking' him to have sex. As in, I would not be asking him to have sex, but just to sleep over. I am not meaning to be mean dear, but 'weird' is not what I would label it. Based on what I just explained above, you have got to admit to yourself that it would just be plain a 'dumb' move to assume that he knows what you meant by that invite. If you just want to cuddle and not have sex, then you have to be clear about that. Even then, would you be strong enough to resist if you became overcome with lust yourself, change your mind and go after him or he with you able to resist?

Men and women can often think, understand, view things, come to conclusions totally differently. Dont assume he is a mind reader or able to divine somehow what your intentions are. An easy way to do this is putting yourself in the other persons shoes, or turning the situation around. First then, if you were a man, how to do think you'd interpret a girl asking you to spend the night? If I had to answer that, as a guy I would think that the probably is very high that she wants me to make a move and make love with her. Not all guys would think to consider clarifying that because as volatile as sexual urges are, sleeping cuddled together is an extremely short step from foreplay and having sex. I can't tell you how many times the husband and i have gone to bed, both mutually agreeing that we were both tired, wouldn't do anything tonight but just cuddle and fall asleep, and yet the cuddling after some time was enough to arouse our interest despite our tiredness and we ended up having sex. Thats the more likely outcome to cuddling...and why I said it would be like you playing Russian roulette in which you are taking chances with your life. In your situation, you're taking chances with your heart, your feelings.

Now, do the exercise in switching the situation, not the girl asking the guy to spend the night but the guy asking you to come spend the night. If you as a female heard that, what would you assume. Would you automatically think he only wants to cuddle without sex? How would you know if he truly did at this point in the relationship....wanting to go slowly? There are guys who will wait for the female to make the first move to kiss and also to make love the first time. Both my current husband and many of past boyfriends were like that. I know that I would instantly have thoughts to that invite as a guy wanting me over to have sex with me that night. I would not know unless I asked him before accepting the invite. If I did not ask for clarification, I might accept but feel uncertain, and uncomfortable the entire day I am with him constantly wondering what will happen later.

There is no need for either person to be left wondering what the other means. There is no reason to know be DIRECT with a person and spelling everything out so there is nothing left for them to assume or imagine.
You know that saying about the word 'assume'? When we assume or expect the other will assume correctly, we only end up making an ass out of you and me, as in the letters of the word,
ass u me.
So dear, no assumptions, unclear invitations. And it might be good of you to clear in your mind what you are really okay with and get rid of some false ideas. Here's what you need to consider, why you feel the following: I don't want to be "that girl" and lead him to think that this happens all the time with everyone, or imply I just want sex.
Geez, at 24, I'd hope you have healthy sexual needs and urges. What you choose to do about it, you need to be clear about it in your mind and not ashamed to have them or want to take care of them. He needs to be clear if you are a virgin saving yourself for marriage, or if you have had sex before. He needs to know that you dont have sex with just any guy for the sake of sex but only when you are attracted to a guy sexually and personality wise. It is in fact a good idea to know whether any two people are sexually compatible before committing to a long term dating relationship or marriage. I married as a virgin to someone I felt attracted to but even so were not sexually compatible. What I mean is that neither of us was able to arouse the other enough to want sex. He couldn't give me orgasms, and I couldn't arouse desire in him for me, I was just used for his sexual urges when it got strong enough, not because he wanted me, just a hole would do...sorry to be crass but thats reality in some situations. I still loved him despite it all, and wanted sex more often than him, had to talk him into it. His libido was lower than mine and he was happy with once or twice a month...not enough for me, even if I wasnt being fully satisfied and had no idea what I was capable of until I dated after leaving him. It was then I really began to experience things sexually and it was only through boyfrineds i felt an attraction to in looks and personality and having a sexual spark.

Based on all I have said, You need to be clear with him and spell it out before you invite him over. Tell him about your fears of seeing you as an 'easy' girl and how thats why you are considering only cuddling. But in your heart you really would rather have sex with him. Its not a weakness to reveal that, won't make him think less of you, rather, some closeness and trust developed that you would reveal something intimate and trust him with it. Telling the truth is always better, even if it's something fear based. It give the partner the opportunity to support you and build you up verbally. Something important to know a guy is capable of.
Good luck dear.

[view]

I've served just about 4 years in the military and i'll be getting out and moving back to my home town in a few weeks. i joined when i just turned 18 and on my first vacation home i met a girl via mutual friends and have since become, for lack of a better term, "friends with benefits" although we do hang out together socially with others as well. i made it clear on the first night that i had alot of deeply rooted trust issues with women due to past relationships (but thats another story)and because i did live so far away i had absolutely no interest in a relationship.

we've met several times since when im in town and touched on the subject a few times and its been clear that she would like to be more. i've told her that my intentions havent changed mostly because im still emotionally afraid of being in a relationship. im afraid shes just going to get too emotionally attached to keep things how they are so it wouldnt be right to continue as we have been.
but because of my inability to trust her even though shes never given me reason not to i wont be able to provide with with a healthy relationship and will just end up hurting her. im sure shed be willing to work through this with me if we did move forward but would it be fair for me to do that to her? it may take me well over a year to truly work though this for all i know. or would it be better if we just cut ties so she could find a man deserving of the great woman she is.

Im with advice man on this. You said:im sure she'd be willing to work through this with me if we did move forward. " I must say that good intentions alone are not going to help. My ex husband felt guilty at times about how he treated me and always promised to do better but he was trying to work it out on his own when it was not possible to begin with. On the same hand, he was not willing to admit that his issues were greater than he had the ability to fix on his own. So my pleas for him to seek professional help were ignored. It took my threats to leave for him to go for a while to a psychologist, but for the wrong intent. He did not want to feel his past hurts and abandonment issues brought up because of fear as we all do that it will hurt to have to face it again in order to heal from it. So he went through the motions, pretending for the counselor in hopes that it would convince me to stay. In a private chat, the counselor had to confess that some people take a lifetime to make a minor change and some never change at all due to whatever is holding them back. He couldnt promise me things would improve so I finally left.

Now back to you. It is smart and considerate of you to not want to hurt a female by not being able to commit to her. So if you do not choose to follow advicemans advice, I want you to be fully aware of the kind of life you are going to be facing.
Use your imagination, picture this. You're a healthy young male and will desire sexual relations. So your only choice will be masturbation only for the rest of your life, or venturing into more 'friends with benefits' relationships....a whole string of them that last only as long as it takes for her to fall in love with you and at that point your break up with her and move on to the next. Or you hide away and never see any female at all....for the rest of your life. The pain of loneliness, no female social contact, just your male buddies and family. No children. Now you are approaching retirement age and looking back...how will you feel about the life you've had. Will you have any regrets? Was it worth, all the things you gave up to your deep rooted issues buried and not have the very temporary hurt from reliving them to go through the healing process? How would that "healing hurt situation" compare to the hurt of never having had a healthy loving relationship, finding your soulmate?
My belief is that a person can't run from hurt. You can avoid it in one area of your life but you will run into it and have to face it in another. My advice is that it is better to deal with it.

Good luck young man!

[view]

Hello! I'm from China. I come here because I need advice. I always feel like crying, but I don't know why. Everyone says I'm happy and lucky. I always get high marks in exams and I'm gifted. I'm healthy too. I have lots of friends and everyone loves me. You see, I can't feel anything that bothers me or make me sad. Even so, my lips tremble crazily out of a sudden.

Everyone else says you are happy. It may just be the image you portray to them. But they may not know how you truly feel inside. Only you can aynswer that. Do you feel happy?

If you can say that you are truly happy deep inside but have a tendency to be weepy, crying often for no special reason, it is a normal reaction in young girls caused by the hormones of going through puberty. Being easily angered is another reaction. The crying tendency will subside as those hormones subside.

But there are some cases more often these days living in a toxic world where our bodies pick up similar hormones to the female hormones that our bodies produce, but instead from our environment which is leached out from plastics mainly and get into our bodys system. So these extra hormones added to the naturally occurring ones can put a female on hormone overload causing the crying all the time, anger all the time or worse, feeling extremely depressed for no reason and in some cases, depression so bad they feel suicidal. Sometimes a girls personality changes severely and she is just not herself anymore. Both my nieces from two different sisters, living in two different states, are suffering from the same thing.
There is help though. Seeing a doctor about this will help. They can check your hormones levels to see if that is that problem and give you medication to take care of that. If thats not the cause, maybe there is another cause he can also treat. I hope you do go to see a doctor. Good luck dear.

[view]

Okay long story..

So I've always had a small crush on my best friends brother and I found out about a year ago that he likes me back. The problem is my friends all make fun that he likes me and they always tell me never to date him. So for the past year I haven't done anything about it and then I recently entered my first relationship with a guy I really like. (I'm 14) I thought all the stuff with the other guy was over, but it isnt. All his friends keep telling me he likes me and I see him almost every day. He's so sweet to me and always tells me things like "Hunter (my boyfriend) is a lucky guy" and "You look beautiful today"!! My boyfriend, however, is so shy that he never compliments me, has only held my hand once (We've been dating for 3 months) he never flirts with me or hugs me. We hang out a lot and I really really like him, but I dont know if I want to wait for him to make a "move." I really want to progress our relationship, but I don't want to scare him. I don't know what I should do about my best friend's brother either. Help me!!!

You are young and just starting the dating field. During the next 10 years or so, you will likely experience several other relationships. It's very few people who meet and date someone in middle school or high school who end up married to them later.
Dating is more about learning what you do and don't like in a guys character and the same for him. Its a time of making comparisons. Seeing what is lacking in a current partner that you would like to have, or something that they do, or ways they treat you that are disrespectful or hurtful emotionally or physically as in being abusive or violent. When you come up against things like that, you need to decide if you will settle for less or move on to the next dating partner, hopefully always shooting for someone a step better in some area. Along the way dear, please begin writing a list of what you come across that you like in a guy and don't like. As you grow older, some things about you may change and your list may change but this list will become very helpful as you keep reviewing it as it builds with your dating experiences and will help you to later recognize the right person to marry because you'll be consciously aware of what his character is like, regardless of his looks.

It is unfair to think that the way your current boyfriend is may never change. In some people its true, its a trait of how they'll be when they are older but it also may be something that we grow out of, improve on, learn to do better as we grow older. Who you are entering highschool and who you are leaving college most often is a vast difference in maturity and growth...we become different people.
At your point in age, the object is not to practice longevity of relationship, sticking together long term even if its not a perfect dating relationship. The object is not to prove to yourself or others that you can stick with someone long term...that comes in later years after you have a clue what kind of guy you want to end up life long with.
So with what I just shared, hopefully this helps you better to make a decision whether you will stay with the current boyfriend or whether you will give it more time, talk to him and tell him what you would like to see in the relationship and ask him to tell you what he'd like to see from you. If either request is something the two of you feel uncomfortable with or incapable of, then its time to break it off. If you don't feel able to be open and ask such questions, too chicken...eventually you'll learn communication is important in any dating relationship...but if you aren't ready to do so, then break it off and move on. But I would make it a point to work on communicating beyond a surface level on important things in any relationship.

I will say that in 3 months time, the guy should have finally got to a point of feeling comfortable with you that having such a conversation about needs and wants in the relationship should feel natural. He may just be scared to proceed due to his age and inexperience and fear of scaring you off. So let him know its something you want to see, the hugs and compliments and a kiss or two also.

Good luck dear.

[view]

I recently got a job at a good company, while I was being introduced to all the staffs I bumped into an old high school friend who was 4yrs my senior, and we didn't really talk much in school just hellos and hi"..... I have been working at the company for a few days... This is the 2nd week and suddenly he starts acting really nice, he got my number and calls and text and just 2days ago we went out after work to hang out while I was in his car I could feel him staring at me, he was always holding my hands, and he took me to this very cool, quiet romantic place. while we were talking we kissed, he told me that he liked me a lot, and we talked about us and what we wanted, he said things like will I be loyal to him if we were dating and all that..when we got back into the car we kissed again almost made out. But before then he asked if I had a bf and I said no and when I asked he said yes, but the relationship was on the edge bcos shes in a different place and they hardly communicate, they don't call or text. They hardly even talk.... But I feel like he isn't honest with what he told me about the relationship, I feel like his just saying it 2 get me and I feel a little cheap to have kissed him on a ist date, but I am beginning to like this guy but I feel guilty that I kissed a guy who has a girlfriend already... Yesterday he asked me to hang out with him today I said yes, but now I am giving it a second thought..... what should I do I am so confused.. should I just end the friendship and everything associated with it.

I'd say you have good reason to feel uneasy based on what you have shared. If it happened in the order you said and what was spoken was close to what was said word for word, then your woman's intuition is right...there is reason to not trust that everything is Kosher here. It might be and he may have slipped up, just not thinking. But I lean more in the other direction.

It sounds like he is simply trying to find a replacement before he breaks up with the other gal.
Going out after work, holding your hands and staring at you...he was finding you to attractive, just his taste in looks alone, not knowing who you really are inside from the past nor who you have grown into in the past few years.
Then it unfolds in this order.
1. He kissed you, before asking if you were single and available or had a boyfriend or revealed whether he was.
2. He told you he liked you alot.
3. He asks if you had a boyfriend, this is AFTER holding hands and kissing a woman who is possibly not available. You asked him too but he didn't volunteer this information up front...you had to ask him.
4. Asked if you'd be loyal if dating him. He is looking to self protect his heart. Maybe he has a jealous streak because he is insecure and can't stand other guys looking at or talking to his girlfriend or maybe she has a male best friend or has cheated on him.
5. He almost makes out with you. It's a possible sign that he's in lust with you...or just desperate for trying to find another gal as an outlet for sex cus he's not getting it right now from current girlfriend. Or he has a great girlfriend and he is not being LOYAL to her and touching another woman in intimate ways, wanting to have sexual contact, not using self control...and all this on the first date???? Definitely no self control at all which makes me suspicious that you and the girlfriend may not be all the females he's currently going after. Makes me think of the kid in a candy store, not able to choose just one kind. He's so overwhelmed and just wants it all. You only know what he's told you about his self which could be true but also could be just a lie. For all you know, he could be married and has a kid or two and just getting bored with his marriage.
If I were you I'd take things slowly...back things off until you get to know him better, just be on friends basis only without any romance, kissing, hand holding, sex play or such. You can hang out with him if he's willing to accept conditions of spending time with you just as friends. If you can see and sense his arousal in you when just hanging out...bring it up. Yes it's quite easy to see, I can see that in a guys eyes. The moment I saw it in the eyes of a guy I was only hanging with as friends i spoke up. "Oh, I can see something in your eyes, you're turned on and want me but I am not going there. It's not going to be a good thing to even hang out as friends anymore if you cant see me as someone like your sister and you are constantly desiring me sexually." He can deny it, but the eyes can't lie.

So either you are sure of this all sounding and feeling fishy and cut off the budding relationship or you hang in there in hopes to discover something redeemable about him.

But let me remind you that he kissed you before asking if you had a boyfriend, was vague about what was the problems in the other relationship, asked for your Loyalty...if someone asks on a first meeting whether you can be loyal...that's a warning sign one way that there is something in his past that is not being revealed, whether it the unloyal one being her, or him or both.
He then still began to go making out even though not split up with the old girlfriend officially.
Men who tell stories about a relationship they are in that is imperfect or failing are more likely to be telling you that so to disarm you and make you feel it is okay to kiss and makeout because the issues in his other relationship somehow nullify the other relationship from being official. If he can justify his actions by saying such things, I'd say his Morals are in question and where you find one bad apple in his character, you're likely to find more as you dig deeper. It might be best to avoid him totally but that decision is yours to make. Good luck.

[view]

Can't sleep, feeling so low right now?
There's this guy who I thought was great for me. We've been friend for 5 years and he's always been a sweetheart. He started showing interest in me towards the end of last year and we've been flirting ever since. He has said he has always liked me and is afraid because of school he won't get to hang out with me anymore. Recently things got more serious and we finally kissed and stuff. Right after that we each made plans to hang out but all of our plans fell through. He seemed a little ticked at this and wouldn't talk to me for days. I eventually ended up seeing him at a gig he was doing, and his ex was there. He said hi to me but was ignoring her and had said he wanted to hang out with me that night after I had to leave. I felt fine about it until just today he texted me saying he had a gf again and just wanted to let me know. My bests girlfriend whom is also friends with him confronted him and asked how he could do this to me out of the blue? He said he didn't want to hurt me and he thought he liked me but he doesn't. Despite not liking me he couldn't stop saying I'm sorry, I feel bad etc and says he still wants to hang out with me and "make up" for it. I don't understand, if he doesn't want me why not leave me alone? We weren't super close friends so it's not like he losing much. If he's not into me why try to keep seeing me? Wouldn't he be more concerned with his ex gf who he's gotten back with?

The world of relationships and love can be confusing more often than not. We venture into dating without having any experience on how to's so all of us make mistakes, I did too.
And we all get our hearts broke, I did too.
And sometimes we or the other person truly thinks they are into the other until they meet someone else and now have something to compare and realize that there is someone more perfect than you. I have done that and had it done to me.

So basicly honey, you aren't the only one this happens to. The only thing that can help the broke hearts, confusion or sadness is understanding human nature, and know up front the myriad of possibilities in the realm of dating both good and bad and understanding that the only thing you have any control over is yourself and your feelings and reactions. We can not control how another person will decide, as we all have free will.
Now don't take me wrong that you are less than perfect a person, that something makes you flawed if he decided to go after another girl to date instead of you. Its a matter of one person being a better fit for our own personality...just as there really is no one size fits all in clothing. Some are too long or short in the leg, the torso or sleeves too long, too wide or skinny a shirt, wrong color for us...etc... I am sure you can understand this comparison.

Now on to why he is insisting on keeping in touch and being friends. I can't read his mind and know his personal reasons why. It could be he still wants to hang out and just be friends because as he said, he feels really bad, truly didn't mean for this to happen. It happened to me too. I was divorced and dating again in my forties. Met a nice guy, both he and I kept dating profiles open though as we realized that though we were great together, for a life long partner, we both were going to keep options open for meeting someone better. If that didn't come along, we'd stay together. I had someone write to me while I was dating the other. ThiS one sounded like a good possibility for me. I didnt hear from the first guy for some time. When I finally did, he told me an old girlfriend wanted to get back together with him and he was going to do that, and not see me anymore because the two of them had been perfect for each other. And he said he was sorry and hoped I understood. I said I did and told him I'd met a guy that sounded pretty good and we'd been talking on the phone all week, it was friday and I would finally meet him on the weekend. So I didn't know it was a for sure thing yet. I had to deal with the thoughts that come to mind....they always do, of wondering what the other girl is like that makes them more perfect a fit for the guy than me. I of course am older and have learned some things in life. I could have let my thoughts grow out of control and start to question what might be wrong with me but I knew better and had to remind myself that I cant be perfect for every male on the planet that I might meet and the same goes for the guy. I knew that I would be perfect as I was without having to change a single thing about myself if I met the right guy. Turns out the other guy I met that weekend became my 2nd husband. Been together 5 years this month.
If I were you, I'd not spend any time with the other guy together unless you know two things, that you feelings can handle it, and that the old girl friend of his can handle it without being jealous. If you're considering it, dont take his word for it, hear it from her. Unfortunately due to inexperience in dating, this guy was not thinking of how his wanting to hang out with you still out of guilt is going to affect your own feelings. I would guess its not done on purpose with intent to make you feel bad so don't hold it against him. Just thank him and say whatever feels right for you. Perhaps you'll say," not right now...maybe later...I need some time to process through this." Or maybe, "not in person but you can keep in touch with me on facebook." Funny thing is, the old boyfriend before my husband is doing just that, keeps in touch on facebook and also with all my daughters on facebook. They all genuinely still like him...he's a good person. But they also like my current husband.
Hopes this all helps you process through how you are feeling and help you gain some understanding and still feel good about yourself. Cus truly you are perfect for someone, thing is to just find him.

[view]

do straght men like there ass lcked,or can he be gay

When it comes to what a person likes or prefers in sex and what turns someone on, it varies as much as there are people on the planet. Each one of us is unique and individual. There is no right or wrong thing to prefer in sex. As long as no one is forcing a partner to do something they don't want or have something done to them that they don't want, then anything is okay. as long as it doesn't endanger a persons life.

[view]

I'm a 14 year old girl and my friend is dating someone online over Instagram (FYI Instagram is just like this social media website). She doesn't even know the guy in real life. When she told me I was concerned so I casually started asking questions about the guy. Apparently he's 13, going on 14, he lives in the Philippines and his username on the website is like Mark_B or something like that. She asked if Mark was his real name and suddenly he had to go, she doesn't seem to find this suspicious at all..... I'm really concerned about this because what if she tries to meet him in real life or something? I warned her about the dangers and she just says "But he's so sweet!" And "He stole my heart!" And stuff like that. So should I be concerned or should I just let it all play out?

You can't believe anything for sure on the internet these days when it comes to meeting people on it.
People make up fake profiles all the time and there's now a movie and tv show about it.
Women posing as men, Men posing as women, older people posing as children or teens.
Police have used fake profiles with computer generated girls and voices that look as real as you and me just for the purpose of catching people who go after children to lure them for sex. Its a big trade and they are catching some this way.

The problem so many people, teens and adults alike get hooked on social internet contacts, internet dating or a game called 2nd Life, is because our emotions make it feel so real. This works in the same way watching a movie where a parent loses a child or a child loses a parent, We all start crying as we watch because the movie invokes these feelings of sadness, as we watch the characters, the diaglogue...no matter that its all made up script and just actors, our emotions get caught up easily in things like that.
But internet friendship, relationships are no more real than that. I used inter as a tool to find my 2nd husband. Other than the one letter he wrote me, my response and then him writing to give his phone number, thats all we talked on line. Due to a busy work week for both of us, we only had the late evening to talk and talked the 5 days every night for 3 hrs. At the next weekend we met in person and found we still liked each other, that what was represented in letter, on the phone was real, and even better in real life. This month we are together 5 years.

It is right that you are concerned. A still photo doesnt mean that is who you are talking to. Encourage her to use Skype where she can see the actual person moving in front of the camera as you talk or type. Just stay on good terms and be a friendly listening ear.
What you need to listen for is if she finds someone local, an older man she wants to meet in person, and actually arranges that. If you ever hear something like that, then you need to report it to her parents who need to report it to the police so they can arrange whatever they need to to protect your friend and catch the adult.

[view]

<<< Previous Advice Column
Next Advice Column >>>
humorist-workshop
eXTReMe Tracker