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Sex on third date- too soon?
I'm female, 30 years old. I recently met a guy I really like, he's 31. We hit it off immediately and had three great dates. At te end of the third date (last night) we went back to his place and started making out and he was very respectful about not having to take things further. I said I wouldn't. So that was that but things got heavy and I told him I was ready to have sex, but that sometimes in my experience guys disappear if things move so fast. I did say I wouldn't regret having sex with him and he was very respectful saying I didn't have to do anything. So anyway...we ended up having sex and I spent the night. We felt comfortable with each other, though naturally things got a little awkward. We had good conversation this morning, so I felt at ease. But after leaving his place I kept thinking to myself that even though I didn't regret sleeping with him and things seemed okay between us, that I maybe slept with him too soon and should have waited a bit longer. I just feel that if a guy gets sex so soon, he either loses interest or backs off because things moved too quickly. I don't want to lose the potential of a relationship or even some good times with him because I sincerely enjoy his company. I made that clear to him before we had sex--that I like hanging out with him and don't want the sex to change things. I would like opinions on this, especially from men, or even women who have been trough similar things. Did I risk losing this guy over having sex so soon?
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That's way too soon. You should'nt even have sex until you are married, and I know that nobody does that, but noody has sex on the third date either. You guys should be dating for atleast a couple of months before you decide to do that. That's just my opinion though.
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I don't believe there is such as thing as too soon under the right conditions. Why I feel that way, generally when I dated a guy..it was because we had a lot in common, there was not just hobbies and stuff but we talked enough to see we thought and believed enough alike so we had same goals in life, same morals, etc... I met my husband on a dating site, first correspondence on a Sunday, so Monday thru Friday we talked hours every night due to both having long work schedules and living 45 min apart to see each other in person sooner. By end of week, we both know we had to meet in person...We knew already we had plenty in common from what was shared in conversation by phone. It was now a matter of did we feel that spark, chemistry in person to be attracted and have a chance physically. We had already shared who we were sexually, our past experiences that led to current likes and preferances. So I got to see him that Sunday, and he left it up to me to make the first move. I had intended to stay over simply cus we'd talked in person too long for me to want to drive home now. He was good to his word to not touch me. But our kiss goodnight led to more kisses and had me getting carried away and wanting more, and we had sex, and that was our official first date.
I had no worry about whether it was too soon. When we're talking about young people trying to find their first long term partner or for marriage, the young guys could either be looking more for a lust or sex connection than wanting to find a woman to love for who she is and also enjoying sex with her.
In my case both of us were older, both divorced and knowing we were looking for our next partner. I had to settle for less with ex, we were a sexual mismatch so this was important to me. I had to check this area out thoroughly to see if a prospective guy was going to be someone who I could enjoy sexually for the rest of my life.
With my 2nd husband, I already knew I had everything i wanted in common with him and sex was the one area I needed to confirm to be sure about. So we had sex on the first date. Half way through the week he was proposing to me.
This sureness can happen at younger ages too. You need to know that as far as you have had to gather info on the guy in the 3 dates that he at least sounds like a good prospect and has similar goals to you in dating, relationships and what he wants now or for the future, like wife and kids.
If you don't know what he wants or is looking for, or feel you can trust what he tells you, then you will always feel uncertain whether you are having sex too soon.
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Look, people are individuals, and you've got to respect them as such. A lot - hell most - relationships, fizzle out in the first few weeks or months. Most people, at least adults in today's dating culture, are going to also have sex in that period of time.
The two things may both happen around the same time, but that doesn't mean they are connected.
If he likes you now, and still likes you a few months from now, he was probably going to like you whether you had sex with him that night, or a week or two later. If he was gonna break up with you a few weeks from now, that is still likely to happen no matter what you did with your naughty bits. Sex may speed up - or slow down - the natural pattern between two people, but it's still more about how those two people fit together outside of the bedroom.
Give this guy some respect. Very, very few people are just out to get laid. Most people are telling you the truth. If he (or you) changes his (our your) mind about dating in the near future, it probably won't be because of the sex. It won't be because he or you lied, it'll be because the truth changed.
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