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Why does almost all my guy friends try to make me jealous?
Im the kind of girl that has more guy friends then girl friends because i feel that make less drama and overall are more fun to hang out with. You dont get judged and you rarely have to worry about them talking crap behind your back. The downside is that out of all the guy friends i have they try there very hardest to make me jealous. Its not in my nature to be jealous hearted. Whenever someone (whether its my friends or anyone) has accomplished something or is doing great in life i will be the first one to be happy for them. But i have noticed that some of them of them try to change that. I overheard that they "swap ideas" like dating other girls just so i can be jealous and eventually be with them or begin to like them. It hurts. It Really it does. The worst part is that i cant do anything about it. They make sly remarks like for instance that i didnt seem thrilled when they told me that one of them were dating my best friend. Not to mentioned i was over joyed and hugged them both and glad because my friend had just gotten over a terrible heartbreak. One that i was helping her through. One even asked me if they want them to break up with there girlfriend and im just taken aback by it. Im just wondering if this some kind of sick joke. It seems like i have to constantly prove that i dont want more than a friendship with some of them. Im worried about acting in a certain way just so they wont take it as if im not happy for them. Im just frustrated and dont know what to do :(
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I think there are two possibilities and the other advice giver mentioned one of them, that guys at this age just aren't mature and have their own brand of talking and teasing that they carry too far sometimes in their efforts to treat you like one of the guys. But you are a girl, so of course their actions bug you or hurt.
Now here is another possibility...ok...it may seem far fetched but perhaps originally the guys were willing to hang out with you as one of them, just being your male friends. But in doing so, they all got to know you better and more than one of them likes you enough to want you for a girlfriend. They are using the only methods they can come up with to sway you into deciding to be more than just a friend but a girlfriend.
One thing guys hate is ending up in the friend zone and a girl not seeing them as a potential romance/boyfriend. All of them know which ones of them are attracted to you though one may be quiet and keeping it from the bunch. They figure if they make you feel jealous that they are dating girls that it will cause you to want to go after one of them. Of course, if that were to happen and you really did make a choice and chose and dated one of the guys, then it would no longer be fun and games between them as they would become jealous of each other and the way guys take care of being angry that their friend got the girl that they all want, is to fight amongst themselves.
It very well could be that you are the much sought after, prized girl over any of the others,,,,especially if they are not interested in them for the girls draw as a unique person. They are dating girls they don't even care about hoping that will get you to date them instead. If the only reason as you heard them say they date other girls is to get you jealous and to begin to like one of them, then they are not dating the other girls because they are attracted to them, they all want you. See, I told you this sounds far fetched but I have heard from so many teen girls who were one of the guys friends and discovered 3 of them were interested in her becoming their girlfriend and saw them fighting amongst themselves even tho she had not chosen one.
Come on, how more obvious can it be, like the guy asking you if you want him to break up with his girlfriend? His plan is to replace her with you if you will agree. Unless you failed to mention it, doesnt sound like any of them have outright confessed to you that they see you as more than a friend and want to date you. It could be they are afraid if they do something, they'll scare you away and you will leave them all and then they'd have nothing, not even a friend.
Its up to you whether you continue to hang out with them or not.
But keep in mind for future references, that the most successful long term relationships, including marriage, are based upon 2 things, being each others best friend and also having great sexual compatibility. Not saying teens must be having sex, but just with a kiss you can tell if there is that spark or chemistry with one person and not with another. For marriage, it goes deeper to have the same libido...how much desire of sex to be satisfied, and actual preferences. Most all that doesnt apply to you at this point but I am trying to say that becoming friends with guys first is a good way to go. The next natural step would be to choose the one that seems most perfect a match for you to experience dating and romance with.
Ask yourself if you are afraid of losing their respect and friendship if you were to begin dating. Why is it you don't want more than a friendship with them? If you plain old have no desire whatsoever, then fine. One day your body will kick into gear and start responding with desire and attraction to certain guys you see or meet. It doesnt mean we go after every person we feel that response to, we need to choose wisely for the best friend part.
I feel bad for your best friend because it seems she is possibly being used as a pawn, only to get to you, by making you jealous enough to assert yourself in going after one of the guys.
If my proposed possibility is what is really happening, it is a very sticky situation and I can't say there is one way better than another to solving it. But I would ask for honesty from the guys, one at a time. Choose your questions wisely but they're more likely to talk one on one than in front of their buddies. You might even ask point blank if they see you as more than a friend.
If they do, there's nothing you can do to change how they see you. Therefore, you could know where you stand with all the guys and then have to decide if you still want to hang out with the group of them when more than one of them i either s crazy about you and wants to date you. If you have no such inclination, it may be better to walk off, not go back if you cant handle that or it makes you uncomfortable.
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Hey there!
I'm one of the girls who have equal guy and girl friends because it's the norm. Not every girl wants to talk behind your back and not every guy is drama-free. To be honest, I've always thought girls like yourself just like the attention of "hanging with the boys". If that's the case, then I'm glad you now realize that it's not all pink and cupcakes.
Guys will be guys. They love to joke around and they usually take the jokes way too far. Between guys, it's okay because they all get it but if a girl is in the circle she'll get offended and they won't really feel in the liberty of being themselves.
I think you should just find some actual girl friends or hey, be a loner! Guys aren't very mature when it comes to this stuff, and they probably think this is all a joke. So, if you can't handle it just move on. Here you are, looking for advice when they probably are having a good time elsewhere. Don't worry about it, give it time and distance. If they contact you, just tell them that you're tired of them trying to get you to be jealous or envious of them. Tell them to chill out and that should help.
Best of luck.
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