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humorist-workshop
so confused i dont know what to do.
I recently got a job at a good company, while I was being introduced to all the staffs I bumped into an old high school friend who was 4yrs my senior, and we didn't really talk much in school just hellos and hi"..... I have been working at the company for a few days... This is the 2nd week and suddenly he starts acting really nice, he got my number and calls and text and just 2days ago we went out after work to hang out while I was in his car I could feel him staring at me, he was always holding my hands, and he took me to this very cool, quiet romantic place. while we were talking we kissed, he told me that he liked me a lot, and we talked about us and what we wanted, he said things like will I be loyal to him if we were dating and all that..when we got back into the car we kissed again almost made out. But before then he asked if I had a bf and I said no and when I asked he said yes, but the relationship was on the edge bcos shes in a different place and they hardly communicate, they don't call or text. They hardly even talk.... But I feel like he isn't honest with what he told me about the relationship, I feel like his just saying it 2 get me and I feel a little cheap to have kissed him on a ist date, but I am beginning to like this guy but I feel guilty that I kissed a guy who has a girlfriend already... Yesterday he asked me to hang out with him today I said yes, but now I am giving it a second thought..... what should I do I am so confused.. should I just end the friendship and everything associated with it.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?
Do not hang out with him. This guy is not your friend. He is a player. He's either playing you, or his girlfriend or both of you.
Get out of there and find yourself someone nice who is also single. And until you find that nice guy, bubble baths and chocolate cake might help you feel better.
Your favourite hammimal,
Miss Piggy
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I completely agree with Dragonflymagic. It seems like he's trying to find a replacement.
If I were you, I would've been long gone when he told me he had a girlfriend.
Although in the past, I had the same situation happen to me. The guy said it's pretty much over with his girlfriend because she lives far away.
To be honest, it just seems like he's into you sexually. Only because you guys have already kissed and he's saying that he really likes you when he doesn't really know you all that well.
Either way, he's cheating on his girlfriend with you. You shouldn't get involved with someone else even if you're relationship sucks. Break up with them first before you start something new.
So you do have every right to be second guessing this guy. It isn't normal.
You can see where it goes, but if I were you, I'd just back out before you start liking him more. If you do decide to keep seeing him, don't become more than friends with him. Don't do anything with him while he has a girlfriend. Let him know your boundaries about what's ok and what's not ok.
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I'd say you have good reason to feel uneasy based on what you have shared. If it happened in the order you said and what was spoken was close to what was said word for word, then your woman's intuition is right...there is reason to not trust that everything is Kosher here. It might be and he may have slipped up, just not thinking. But I lean more in the other direction.
It sounds like he is simply trying to find a replacement before he breaks up with the other gal.
Going out after work, holding your hands and staring at you...he was finding you to attractive, just his taste in looks alone, not knowing who you really are inside from the past nor who you have grown into in the past few years.
Then it unfolds in this order.
1. He kissed you, before asking if you were single and available or had a boyfriend or revealed whether he was.
2. He told you he liked you alot.
3. He asks if you had a boyfriend, this is AFTER holding hands and kissing a woman who is possibly not available. You asked him too but he didn't volunteer this information up front...you had to ask him.
4. Asked if you'd be loyal if dating him. He is looking to self protect his heart. Maybe he has a jealous streak because he is insecure and can't stand other guys looking at or talking to his girlfriend or maybe she has a male best friend or has cheated on him.
5. He almost makes out with you. It's a possible sign that he's in lust with you...or just desperate for trying to find another gal as an outlet for sex cus he's not getting it right now from current girlfriend. Or he has a great girlfriend and he is not being LOYAL to her and touching another woman in intimate ways, wanting to have sexual contact, not using self control...and all this on the first date???? Definitely no self control at all which makes me suspicious that you and the girlfriend may not be all the females he's currently going after. Makes me think of the kid in a candy store, not able to choose just one kind. He's so overwhelmed and just wants it all. You only know what he's told you about his self which could be true but also could be just a lie. For all you know, he could be married and has a kid or two and just getting bored with his marriage.
If I were you I'd take things slowly...back things off until you get to know him better, just be on friends basis only without any romance, kissing, hand holding, sex play or such. You can hang out with him if he's willing to accept conditions of spending time with you just as friends. If you can see and sense his arousal in you when just hanging out...bring it up. Yes it's quite easy to see, I can see that in a guys eyes. The moment I saw it in the eyes of a guy I was only hanging with as friends i spoke up. "Oh, I can see something in your eyes, you're turned on and want me but I am not going there. It's not going to be a good thing to even hang out as friends anymore if you cant see me as someone like your sister and you are constantly desiring me sexually." He can deny it, but the eyes can't lie.
So either you are sure of this all sounding and feeling fishy and cut off the budding relationship or you hang in there in hopes to discover something redeemable about him.
But let me remind you that he kissed you before asking if you had a boyfriend, was vague about what was the problems in the other relationship, asked for your Loyalty...if someone asks on a first meeting whether you can be loyal...that's a warning sign one way that there is something in his past that is not being revealed, whether it the unloyal one being her, or him or both.
He then still began to go making out even though not split up with the old girlfriend officially.
Men who tell stories about a relationship they are in that is imperfect or failing are more likely to be telling you that so to disarm you and make you feel it is okay to kiss and makeout because the issues in his other relationship somehow nullify the other relationship from being official. If he can justify his actions by saying such things, I'd say his Morals are in question and where you find one bad apple in his character, you're likely to find more as you dig deeper. It might be best to avoid him totally but that decision is yours to make. Good luck.
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