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We broke up but act like we never did
My bf of 2 years and I broke up but we act as though we never broke up. Nothing has changed between us sense we broke up. The reason that we broke up was because of our family. They don't get along so we decided that its never gonna work if our families don't get along. I get mixed feeling for him. Sometimes I really feel like im in love with him and sometimes I don't feel anything for him. when we broke up, we told each others that we were gonna give each others some space to get over things but it didn't go as planned. We still talk to each others. I really don't know what to do. Please help.
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Last time i answered you it was because your parents didn't allow you to date until you got a bachelors degree first. I reminded you that although they are your parents, the actual parenting as far as raising you is over because you are now an adult and it is time to make your own decisions. you were dating in secret then.
If you are the same user who posted that question, then i am wondering if you finally told your parents, it wasn't well received and they threw a big enough fit to scare you into giving them their way, meaning breaking up with the guy.
Lesson one might be to have a heart to heart talk with the parents and let them know that although they are your parents, you need to start making adult decisions for yourself. If you wish, you could tell them that with any major choice that would affect your life, you'd come to them first before a decision to run it past them, giving them a chance to put in their unbaised but more experienced adult advice and that sometimes you will change your view and act upon their advise and other times you will not. Wether its still the best decision for you or not, it's your decision to make and for you to learn from the experience. Let them know you will still love them and want them in your life but that this one area must change. Then whatever they decide to do is their choice. If they want to without theirselves and their love from you, it's not a very adult action, but not all adults have mastered every area of their lives yet. So understand that though they are parents and older adults theres just as much chance of them being right as there is of them seeing a better choice or making a totally bad choice. That is their thing to yet learn.
Aside from the parents not getting along, it seems in this letter that you now have another issue. The guy you dated 2 years, where you both were doing great together, that same relationship you are trying to tell me you all of a sudden have mixed feelings for him? Sometimes you feel in love with him, sometimes you don't?
A true love is something that will not be rocked by any circumstance, hard times or opinions of others and other added pressures that might come your way. You are still young and it may take more time to learn how to stand steadfast no matter what, whether you have approval of family or not, whether finances became tight,loss of a job, whether one of you got injured or disfigured in an accident, whether you are unable to have children, one is born dead or with defects, there are many things that are hard to handle and some people when that pressure comes, instead of turning to each other for strength, they pull apart and go their own ways.
Since you are acting like you're still together but not said the official words, do you think that will matter to the parents when in fact, nothing much has changed if you're still communicating and maybe spending some time together? You've already tried the get over him route, although not for too long, not long enough to really get over someone....and then perhaps, a part of your heart never will get over him.
What you need to determine is whether you are just saying you are confused now about how much you still love him because you are trying to convince yourself you don't care anymore or trying to talk yourself out of a relationship with him. OR.... are you both still truly in love and 100% sure you have found the right partner for you at this point in life, that you are not settling for someone less than right for you.
If you are trying to talk yourself into saying your still in love and want to be with him and then feel nothing, perhaps you are not ready to be in a serious relationship, even though you've been together a couple years. Perhaps you are not ready and have enough self confidence to stand on your own two feet and start your adult life. Or perhaps the two of you really do need to be together at this point in life as that is part of your learning experience in this life and may be also part of how you two learn to gain independance from the parents.
If your parents are saying they will pay for your schooling only if you dance to their tune, then that isn't fair. You need to decide if you will give up control of your life to them in exchange for the school money or whether you will keep control of your life and turn down their help with school. You may have to find a job and takes classes just one at a time as you can afford to pay for them at a community college. Two of my daughters did it that way.
If there is any other pertinent information regarding your situation that I do not yet know of, please let me know so I can help better with advice. You need to do some soul searching as to what is more important to you if parents are paying, school or the boyfriend. IF they are of equal importance, then figure out as an adult, if you want to keep both, a way to do so on your own.
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