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i made a huge mistake and i am in tears.
I asked a question some days back on being confused, about a guy who likes me but has a girlfriend, and asked me to hang out with him..... I eventually did before I got back to read your reply by then I had made a huge mistake. I eventually went out with him, we chilled with couple of his friends, and then we drove to a dark spot where he wanted us to talk, but instead of talking we ended up kissing and making out even more than we did the first time. When we where done he called his girlfriend right in front of me and said to me "hush! i wanna talk to the boo" i would have been a different thing if she called, but instead he did it himself...I felt so used i felt this sadness within me, i felt so stupid. i however confronted him on why he would call his girlfriend right in front of me afta making out, and that it was disrespectful , rather he should have waited till i left. He was so furious he started yelling at me telling me that why i am i angry that he called his girlfriend, he continued yelling at me till i started crying, he started shouting "why the fuck are you crying in my car" i told him that this isn't what i want that i wanted something real then he said well he cant be that person that he has a babe", and that i should go out there and date someone else that i shud have fun and stop getting attached... i was so hurt i couldn't believe that it was the same person i was with some days ago that treated me that way.... i am happy i read ur reply and sad that i didn't read it before i went out with him a second time.... The problem is we work in the same company, i see him everyday i am trying so hard to act professional but i cant stop thinking about what happened... Pls i need to know what to do to get my respect back.
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Ah sorry to hear about your experience dear. Makes me wish that somehow I could've answered you sooner so you saw my response sooner.
How he treated you is a terrible thing.
The hope I can give you, which in a round about way may help you feel better about yourself is this: I have made some mistakes in life too. The lessons I learned the best are not the ones taught to me but the ones I learned through going through the experience. Ask any med student...what they learned in books cant compare to all the emotions, feelings, adrenaline they experience going through doing a surgery, saving a life. Sometimes, our guardian angels allow a thing like what happened to you to occur to teach us something that is better learned this way. If you're a fast learner, you only need this one time to go thru such a horrible experience. Dont think of it like there was something wrong with you, that you were stupid, or that this kind of thing is your lot in life and you have to accept it.
I do believe that before we are born into our bodies, that our soul had it's own agenda of things to either experience or learn, things that are most helpful for our souls spiritual growth.
So going thru a bad experience like that if meant as just to experience, its likely so that you can know what it feels like and be able to have compassion for other girls in your same situation. We can't know why right now, but someday when you are in Heaven you can ask why it had to happen and for example sake: It may be that the key reason you had to know what it felt like and how to get over being a victim of it, is because another girl you meet went through the same thing and is planning to kill herself over it but the night before, unknowingly you run into her and she gets talking and you learn of her similar experience and are able to minister to her so that her life is turned around and she decides to live after all. sO why does God allow such terrible things to happen to good people? It's not that He allows it, rather He does not interfere with the 'free will' he gave all men. In order for your experience to not have happened, he would have had to force the guy to decide to not accept going out with you. Or he could have forced your interest and feelings in the guy to change to one of disinterest in the blink of an eye.
Another thing that might help you deal with events like this, is knowing that not all souls are as mature as others. The Christian faith which I started in, is the only one I know of that teaches we have only this one life to get it right or we may end up going to hell. It would be like a parent punishing their child harshly each time they failed to tie their shoe properly as they were learning how. Is that good incentive to learn? It teaches twisted principles... learn it, do it only to save your skin, anythings okay as long as you don't get caught, etc...
I at one point in life began to believe as many other faiths believe, that there is reincarnation. It answers many questions and holes left in the Christian belief. We don't have a harsh angry vengeful God who would squash us flat in a minute if He were so inclined. That is not God at all. He gives our souls as many lifetimes as needed to evolve and grow more spiritual which in two parts involves how werelate to God and how we relate to our fellow human being which are our sisters and brothers in the greater family of his creation.
The problem is that some souls, given their will to change and learn or not have some wasted lifetimes where nothing was learned, like flunking a grade and not passing on to the next.
So there are many souls who are not at the same spiritual level as you and there are some people whose souls are further along than yours.
Its the immature souls who do these painful hurtful things. I ended up at age 20 marrying a man who initially hid his true self from me and family. After 6 mos to a year, things starting happening that I at first brushed off, but soon became glaringly obvious, I was treated no better than you experienced. I got verbal and emotional abuse from him 24/7. I stayed with him 30 yrs raising my kids and then left. Most women would have a low self image and be so emotionally damaged after that. The worst that happened is the stress took effect on my physical health but my self image stayed in tact due to my close relationship with God, getting what I needed from Him to stay emotionally sane.
You may not believe as i, when I later in life learned of reincarnation, that explained things to me. Just as a child who flunks a grade shouldn't be jailed or put to death, a soul who is immature cus he is not applying himself and wanting to change and grow into a better person, should not be punished either. In fact such people are needed. Someone (like Judas) had to do the dirty deed to Jesus, same as an immature soul needed to be the harsh part of our experience for us to learn from for without them, such things can not be experienced. That thought struck me hard. Once God knew I understood, it was a short step to being able to forgive the ex and actually be thankful that he came into my life so I could experience the things I did at his hand because they helped me to learn a valuable lesson.
All this long story to tell you that it is not something dishonorable to have experienced something like this cus of a choice you made. Mistakes need to be seen as stepping stones in ones learning experience, always doing a little better the next time.
Is it better to somehow have avoided your encounter with him? I don't know but from the experience of a family I knew from church, I know that some major things a person needs to e xperience are going to happen one way or the other and the next way might be even a worse experience.
Here's the story: A family living in my town were going to relocate to another state. He was a bus driver in a big city. I truly believe he was meant to die so that his wife could experience being a widow and single parent for whatever reasons. The first time he cheated death was asking for one more day to pack up, a day he was scheduled to work. They found last minute replacement. That replacement was killed that day as a crazy mental patient got on the bus with a gun and started argueing with the driver. The driver was shot and lost control and the bus fell from an overpass. The 2nd time, he had just left home in the new state to go to work on his motorcycle, hadn't got but a couple blocks from home when a car cruising fast around a corner hit him full on. He had many broken bones but survived that one. The next one I heard was that he was cleaning one of his guns and it still had a bullet in the chamber and accidently shot himself and died. This was a man who I knew to be extra cautious around guns and with cleaning them, he and my husband went shooting together. What was meant to be was going to occur at some point or another. As long as you have learned something here, can learn to not jump too quickly, learn to ask the right questions and get to know a person's character and for the first handful of dates, drive your own car and meet him somewhere, never go with him in his car, then you won't have to go thru this again. So when you see him at work, see him as just a pawn in life used by Fate to teach you something. There is no respect lost in that.
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