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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

thanks for your advices. it was really helpful and encouraging. you are right this is a decision i will have to live with for the rest of my life and i shouldn't make any mistakes. i am a first year student and i am studying literature and history as core courses and then i am going to change the faculty and enroll in another university on my second year so i haven't lost anything right? and it is not late for me to do that?

No you have not lost anything. Anytime you seek to learn you grow. You never lose by growing and by gaining knowledge.

Good luck and stick to your guns, it is you life you live it.

From august 2010-2011 and 2011-2012 I lived in an apartment complex that I had many complaints about, the only reason my roommates and I stayed a second year was because of how conventionally located it was to campus.

Within the past two years we were charged for our smoke alarms being "tampered with" and charged even though we denied and explained we had just moved in and nothing was done, they didn't take the fee off.

All our appliances would break and take forever for them to fix it.

The apartment locks were always broken and any key could open any person's apartment if you just jiggled it the right way.

Over all it was a terrible place and we wanted to sue for all the stuff we had to deal with but none of us could find the right 'legal' reasons to do so....

During the 2 years we went through 4 sets of different managers because everyone kept getting fired but before that promising things that wouldn't get fixed.

Point is... it was just in the news that the city has finally discovered what this apartment complex really is :a piece of you know what.

And has found over 100 violations against them in terms of health and safety violations.

I am wondering if NOW, finally that there has been light shone on the situation, now that the evidence is finally out there and the many violations...is there anyway I can sue? or get reimbursed?

I mean,there probably isn't, but I'm just curious because we lived there and brought up to the current manager our concerns about safety (someone through a works bomb on our porch and management did absolutely nothing)...

Is there anything I can file to get some re-reimbursement? It was a A LOT of money to pay for such terrible conditions.

If there is nothing I can do -- please just say so, I'm not asking for a rude reply or somoene saying I'm dumb.

Check with your local District Court to see if they have a Renter Court. This Court is a Court of Common Pleas court or Small Claims Court, though specifically set up to hear cases concerning renters and landlords.

Some of these Courts have lawyers or third year law students available to advice renters on their rights and how to go about filing an action in this court. This court in many jurisdictions is a lot like Judge Judy's court. No lawyers just you and the landlord.

Common Pleas means there is no real statued law and the Judge decides the law based on the claim and any rights you may have had based on any contract you may have had; verbal or otherwise. Rules of evidence are relaxed and up to the Judge to decided what is and is not acceptable as evidence.

Do you have a case? Probably, can you bring it to court will depend on if there is a statued of limitations for doing so and the evidence you have to submit.

First find out if you have a renters court. If not you can always bring a claim in Small Claims Court. Generally this Court handles claims for amounts up to five or ten thousand dollars. This is also a court of Common Pleas.

I am a forty something female and still struggle. I was molested when I was a child by both sexes. I only realized the women molested me this year with a recent memory flash. However, I knew a few of lesbians sex positions when I was young, but did not understand how I knew this. Most of my childhood was a blank and have been coming back through flashes of memory. I had a boyfriend when I was much younger but men tend to be too aggressive. A few times in my life I've had thoughts about being with a woman, but have never been attracted to women. Recently I just cannot seem to shake these thoughts. I have always wanted to marry a man but these thoughts are taking over my mind. Plus my religion is against this.

Being molested as a child is a horrible, horrible thing to have gone through. To be frank while we can offer words of encouragement the only way I know how to deal with this is with professional help.

There is an organization called RAINN which stands for Rape, Abuse, Incest, National Network. They are far better qualified then any of us are to help you get the right type of help and support. They operate a 24/7 hotline staffed by professionally trained volunteers who can direct you to the proper professionals in your town who can help you. That number is 1-800-656-HOPE. I urge you to call them now. The memory flashes will continue and you will not be able to obtain the life you want without the proper help.

With the proper help you may be able to remember who your molesters were, if you do not already know. Most if not all states have no statued of limitations on child molestation. As seen by the recent Penn State revelations. Part of making things right may include getting closure. Closure may be punishing those that molested you. The proper way to do that is to inform the proper authorities and let them investigate. If they molested you they most likely molested others. Once an investigation has started others will come out and support your claims. This is where and how you get proper closure.

I'm sorry for all you have gone through. No child deserves to be abused let alone in this manner. I urge you to get professional help so that you can properly deal with this and hopefully put it behind you in such a manner that you can have a normal life from this day forward.

I and other on this site are always here to lend our support if you need us.

plz tell me that my boyfriend become my life partner or not

There is no way to tell you if your boyfriend will be your life partner or not. Most of us when we were teenagers went through several relationships while in high school and possibly several more in College or during our young adult ages before finding a life partner. This is part of the life experience and it is different for each of us.

Will STD cause pregnant? And IF my partner which is girl had sex with her ex boy friend before, will she get any Diseases of sick?

While your question is poorly worded I think I understand what your asking.

First question:Will an STD cause Pregnancy?
Answer: No. An STD means Sexually Transmitted Disease. A disease such as Herpes and AIDS are STDs. A women can get pregnant and get an STD while having sex. The STD is not the cause of her getting pregnant.

Second Question: If your partner has sex with a former partner will she get any diseases?
Answer: The ex partner would have to be infected for her to get any disease from having sex with him. If he is STD/AIDs free then the only thing that can happen from having sex with him is she may get pregnant.

Now that is not to say that if the ex has a cold or the flu or any other common ailments that she can't catch them from having sex with him. It is quite possible that she will. Those illness will either run their course or need a doctors intervention to cure.

my sister has been charged with hit and run, she injured two people but they weren't killed. Will she go to jail for this or will it just be fines/probation? This is the first time she ever did something like this, she has no record at all.

if she does go to jail any idea how long it will be? Will it be more than a year?

If she pleads guilty will it be a lesser punishment?

Your sister needs to hire a lawyer if she has not already done so. Was she arrested, charged and booked or given a summons, a ticket. If she was arrested charged and booked then released on bail the charges are way serious and yes she could go to jail for many years. If she was issued a summons the charges are not as serious and jail time while still possible is less likely.

Leaving the scene of an accident is a very serious charge in any state especially when injury or death is involved. It is incumbent on all involved in an accident to stay at the scene, render aid and summon the police and proper rescue personnel to the scene if they can do so. Leaving the scene puts the others involved at risk of further injury or death by not summoning aid. Further more if it is found that your sister was under the influence of alcohol or any other substance legal or illegal the degree to which she is guilty worsens.

Okay that is the laws views on the subject. With a good lawyer and if there is nothing else other than a bad choice on her part. Given the fact that no one died and hopefully the injuries were not serious; the prosecutor may be interested in a plea bargain that does not include jail time. This is why it is important to get a lawyer of your own choosing.

Have her check with her insurance company. Her insurance policy may cover the cost of legal representation or the insurance company may provide a lawyer. Your sister has the right to a public defender if she cannot afford a lawyer. Public Defenders are so over worked that it is better if you can find your own attorney and work out a payment system if need be.

The lesson her is no mater what never leave the scene of an accident you are involved in. Even if you caused the accident and even if you are drunk. The charges are less sever if you remain at the scene then if you leave.

i am tighten up by responsibilities. i dont feel free because of my parents. the problem is that they love me but don't understand. my mood influences my studies and the whole life.i cannot get down to my studies because i feel there is something wrong with the profession i have chosen. should i just leave everything or go on living hard life with parents not understanding? and doing what i dislike?

As parents we always try to have our children's best interest at heart. That does not mean we are always right in the advice we offer them.

If you are over the age of 18 you are free to pick and chose the courses you wish to take at college. If your under 18 then negotiations with your parents need to take place. The good thing is you will be over 18 before you graduate college and their is away around the arguments with your parents over which course they may want you or are forcing you to take.

Most colleges still require a core level of classes which are for the most part the same for almost all courses of study. There is some flexibility built in for specific course for certain areas of study but core course are just about equal.

For the first two year it is not required to declare a major, so don't. Take the liberal arts core course and whatever specific course you can get for the major you want to follow during your first two years at college. This leaves the last two years to concentrate on the core courses which are going to require the fullest of your attention anyway. So by getting the core course as much out of the way as you can you not only satisfy the colleges requirements. You keep mom and dad off your back until you are old enough to legally make your own decision without them being able to interfere.

Once you reach the age of 18 the school, college that is public primary school is different, will not listen to them any more in regard to course choices. The only weapon your parents have to force compliance would be if they are paying the bills.

As I wrote to someone else with a very similar question. Happiness does not revolve around money. You can make all the money there is to make and still be unhappy in a chosen career field. Or you can work in a field you like and make enough money to be comfortable and be very happy.

Your are the one that ultimately has to live with whatever choices you make or accept today. I know it may be hard to stand up to your parents as it seems disrespectful. It is your future that is at stake here.

As a parent I do not believe it is disrespectful to tell them their desires and yours just are not the same. That you do not see yourself living the life they have planned for you and you are going to have to follow what you believe is the career path that you will enjoy the most.

There will be some fall out maybe even some
bribery involved on the part of your parents to get you to follow their advice. You will have to deal with this.

My best advice is to follow your gut and you mind as I have said you are the one that ultimately has to live with the choices you make today.

how do you spank a child what position and what implemet

Spanking is a discipline of last resort. Psychologists have found that spanking does little to correct behavior, only makes children fearful to come to a parent or guardian when something is wrong or they have done something wrong.

A smack or two on a child's behind is okay to get the child's attention. A prolonged spanking is not only wrong it can be considered child abuse if it is to prolonged and you leave bruises on their behind. The only acceptable implement is you hand, anything else can be considered child abuse.

The fact that you are asking a question like this says you were never spanked as a child. So I have to ask why do you feel it is acceptable for you to spank your child or a child you may be guardian too?

there is this girl at my college, she's so hot, red headed, and extremely nice and kind to me,I think I have a crush on her. I see her around and she's also at this math tutoring center which I sometimes go to even if I don't need help. Would it be OK if I secretly took some high quality pictures of her and even video tape her with my Iphone without her knowing so I can have some nice pictures and videos for my own personal satisfaction? Or is it illegal?

First; you need to look up the legal definition of abuse as it is not as you have stated.

Now the question you have asked is really a tough one to answer as it depends on many different aspects and how the laws where you are attending college view what you are doing. Then you also have the rules of the college as to sexual harassment and invasion of privacy that could come into play.

The legal laws and college rules on invasion of privacy, sexual harassment and stalking can some times be at odds. Remember the college even if it is a public university is still a private space. For the most part you need to be a student of the college/university to be in.

For that reason people have a certain expectation of privacy. Your taking pictures of someone without their consent of knowledge, would be an invasion of their privacy. Then there are the schools rules on picture taking in these places. If there is a ban on picture taking; if caught you are subject to whatever punishment the school deems appropriate.

Your intent is also at question in taking her picture. If taken to court the court would have to decide your intent and could decide that your intent fits the legal definition of stalking as well as invasion of privacy. Where I live you are now looking at a total of 5 to 15 years in prison.

Abuse stemming from picture taking alone would be hard to prove. Stalking on the other hand goes along with the other charges and can add another 10 years to the charges should she or the college refer the matter to the public authorities for adjudication. Even if you were to take random pictures of her on campus the stalking charges could come into play.

My advice is not to take any photographs without permission other than mental ones. If you can't work up the courage to ask her out or ask her to let you take some pictures of her then you will just have to settle for admiring her from a far.

Hi I'm a 27 year old college student at Koopagirl@gmail.com
For the longest time I've bounced around from college to college and for the past few years of my life have researched and researched what I'd like to major in as well as do as a career for a bachelors degree. I've thought about majoring in English for an associates degree and then going on to study foreign languages since I love learning about french and Japanese and have a dream of teaching English over seas. I am an American and also thought about majoring in Math although I don't like the side jobs for teaching that come along with math, for example my english major friends teach english online and over seas to children and adults where as my math teacher friends do accounting work on the weekends and actuary work for insurance company's, I also detest the corporate world in general and Love academics. I am a liberal, a free spirit and also a gay male. The only thing I'm scared of is being homeless eventually due to most people telling me the language arts don't pay well. Yet all research I've done shows translators pay very well for a side job to compliment teaching! :) So to help me in the confusion if anyone could email me on the prospects of being a math teacher with side jobs to compliment that vs an associates in English and then studying foreign languages again for my bachelors please let me know!
-sincerely an inquiring mind

First: As a general rule on open forums such as this one never put your real name or Email address in anything you place in an open forum. This for your own security. There is a place on the "ask your questions form" for you to place your contact information. When one of us answers your question our answer is sent to that address blindly. This is for your privacy and protection.

Now as to your question. You can go nuts listening to everyones advice. You can also end up hating the career you choose if you take the advice of friends an relatives over your interest in what you like to do.

If you hate your job/career it really matters not how well educated or trained you are for that position. The fact that you are not happy will be reflected in your job performance. This is a verified fact. IF you are concerned with being out of work and being homeless; following a career path you have no interest in just because others tell you it is the wrong track for you can and in many cases will lead to the place you don't want to go.

There is a reason money is called the root of all evil. You can make all the money in the world and still be unhappy; or you can earn just enough money to provide for basic needs and be the happiest person in the world.

Thee is another saying that money does not buy happiness. This is true. Many poor people are just as happy or even happier than rich people because they have what they want from life. Sure they would like to have more but they have enough and they are thankful for what they have.

My advice is not to listen to others, this includes your parents. Sure they have your best interest at heart but they will not be living your life, you will be. Follow the course that you feel will be best for you. With a college degree in hand, in any subject is a definite plus for anyone. IF you find yourself looking for a job outside you chosen career field that degree means something to an employer.

As a teacher you will most likely be required to obtain your Masters Degree in teaching. I encourage you to do so.. The higher your level of education the more money there is for you to earn. The higher the level of education you have the more opportunities that will be available to you should you need to look for work outside your chosen career field.

For the greatest happiness in life you need to follow your desires. Teaching is a very rewarding career. You may never get rich but you will be comfortable. This advice goes for just about everything you do in life.

Whenever my boyfriend and I "Get to it" I always have fun but it's usually short lived, he lasts about 5-7 minutes tops and I'm always left hanging, he tries after with foreplay but it doesn't work because he gets completely uninterested and tired and I want him to be excited. Is there anyway I can get him to last longer? Positions or tips? I got him a ring and it helps a little he lasts about 1-2 minutes longer but nothing substantial. Does anyone know anything that will help?? Please??

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but 5 to 7 minutes is about the average length of time for intercourse before a male climaxes.

If you need more stimulation then as the previous columnist advised there are creams on the market to dull his sensation or heighten yours. You can also try to extend your foreplay or try different foreplay techniques. Do you know if you need more clitoral stimulation to climax. Not all women are vaginal in their stimulation. Many need to have their clitoris stimulated more during foreplay and to use positions that offer more stimulation to the clit for her to climax better.

These are some of the things you can do to give you a better time with him.

M/17
I can't keep doing this. I've been trying to end a porn addiction, a shemale porn addiction. It started 3 years ago while looking at normal porn. There've been times where I'd go a few days without it. At one point 5 days had me feeling great until I relapsed on a bad day. Every time I try, I start to feel better, but then any little annoyance would make me mad and I'd relapse. Well, I just broke my longest run, 18 days. I'm pissed and I feel like crap. During the 18 days, my moods were going crazy. Then there's the whole gay thing, I don't feel gay at all. I get obsessed over girls easily. I was attracted to the shemale porn because of how feminine and different they were. I really want to get out of this phase. It's really hard to stop it. Especially when nobody knows and nobody would expect it. And on this stressful senior year. I believe any porn is bad and I believe it messes me up.

Last part first. There is not anything really wrong with pornography. Pornography, legal porn, is a great way to relieve sexual tension and is used by many as visual stimulation to masturbate with. Their are certain parts of society that view porn as otherwise but these people also view almost anything else that is legal and give pleasure as wrong too. This would include alcohol smoking, make-up and certain types of clothing that may reveal to much of a womens body.

Pornography is legal and as long as you are not totally consumed by it to the extent that you do nothing but watch porn. You should not beat yourself up over this. IF you find watching it a stress reliever for all the stress of your senior year I as an adult see nothing wrong with it. If your parents are not finding ways of blocking it then I would have to assume they are not totally against your viewing it as I am sure they are aware it is all over the web.

Now as to watching shemale porn. This does not make you gay. Everyone has their fetishes and this is all this is if you are aware that it is something that the image of how feminine they look that interests you and not that you wish to have sex with them. I agree with you that some of these shemales look more female and are as pretty or more pretty than many females. Frankly and if I can be a little crass here. It isn't until you get into the area below their waist and in their underwear that you can tell that they are not female.

From the waist up they are every bit female and they all seem to have great legs and butts. A lot of men have been fooled by them and some never find out if they never try to have intercourse with them.

So as long as this is just a fetish, an interest and not a desire to be one or have sex with one. My advice is not beat yourself up over this. At some point I would say you will, shall we say, out grow this or become satisfied with your interest and find something else to view.

Your still young and you are still exploring your sexuality. This is nothing to be ashamed about. I believe your fetish or interest will make you more tolerant of the shemale should you ever meet one.

I am thirteen. I like this girl, and I asked her if she loved me. She said she like-likes me. Take note this is not the same. She is an amazing person and she is one of a kind. I don't want to lose her, but I'm so reved up about sex, I can't help but masturbate. Should I stop? I need some real girl advice. Also, someone who can support male masturbation please pitch in.

Contrary to what parents, teachers or clergy may tell you; there is nothing wrong with masturbation. According to a recent survey, which happened to be published in a catholic magazine, 85 % of us masturbate. This would include people shuch as your parents and teachers.

Masturbation is normal, for boys and girls. It is also something that is done as part of foreplay to sex although then it is generally refereed to as mutual masturbation as one partner masturbates the other. A hand-job and fingering is masturbating; just called by other names. Most organized religions while not condoning the practice do not condemn it either. It is not recognized as a sin.

The only reason I can think of for we parents to make an issue of it is; that it feels good and leads to wanting to have sex. Actually masturbation is an alternative to sex that allows you to relieve all the sexual tension brought on by the hormones produced by puberty.

It might be better for parents to encourage their children to masturbate rather than discourage or condemn it. I don't think we will see this happening anytime soon.

It is normal to masturbate as long as masturbation does not become an all consuming occupation to the extent you do nothing else. Even if you need to masturbate, jerk off as your friends my say, 3 to 4 times a day to relieve your sexual tension. This is way better than pressuring a young girl into doing something she is not ready for.

As for love. Most males your age confuse love and lust. Girls know this instinctively. The fact that she says she likes you is a plus. Don't pressure her to say she loves you or to have any type of sexual activity with you. When she is ready she will let you know.

It starts with a kiss, then a hand job, then allowing you to feel here in certain places and maybe letting you finger her. Just don't rush her. If you really like her take your time, you are both to young to be playing around sexually and need time to grow and mature first. Doing so as a couple. This can be not only be fun it is also a great way to learn from each other.

what can i do in order for my mom not to take me to a doctor nd find out if i am a virgin or not?

Well this depends on your age. IF you are over 14 years of age your mother cannot legally force you to see a doctor and be examined for this reason.

As a minor she can take you to the doctor if she feels you need to see the doctor. Under a law known as HIPPA she has no control over your medical files or information when it comes to your Reproductive Systems.

Under a Federal Law known as HIPPA; which stands for Health Information Personal Privacy ACT. Congress granted confidentiality to anyone over the age of 14 years of age. This was done so that people over this age could seek medical help without needing parental permission when having problems with their reproductive system.

In your case for what mom wants from the doctor to examine you for, she is not entitled to under HIPPA. She can take you to the doctor. She cannot be in the exam room with you and the doctor can tell her nothing of what was said between you and him or her. The doctor cannot tell mom what you are examined or treated for and if you ask the doctor will prescribe birth control.

For mom or anyone else to get any information on your reproductive health requires your written permission to the doctor to release it. If you watched the program "House." A couple of seasons ago one of his patients was found to be pregnant. She was over 14 . When her parents asked House what was wrong he said to ask their daughter. It was the HIPPA law that prevented him from telling them that she was pregnant and going to have an abortion.

In short: Mom may have the legal right to force you to see a doctor. If so she is going to be very disappointed if you are over 14. For all you need to say to the doctor is; I'm 14 and I want to invoke my rights under HIPPA."

The doctor will take it from there and explain to mom she must sit in the waiting room and that he or she will examine you IF you wish to be examined. The results of this examine are confidential and she will not be able by law to be told the results of anything found.

If you are under 14 you have no choice.

I read one of the comments on a matter like this, Im also 21, the mother of the child is also 21, I did not mind her going ahead with an abortion, if it was 1 month back, but having a month were all she has been saying is that she is not sure, im growing attached to the little one, and i know being a parent will be a challenge, and i know it will change her body, and i know there are risks, but a father should have more rights, i hate the idea that she owns him/her, look my baby, my future is in her womb growing, and i really hate this arregant woman attitude, i understand if it was an abortion straight away i was happy with what she wanted to do, cause that would make her happy, i put my feelings aside, but now its gone past the point, now im thinking of the baby, and its safety, i know now this will destroy me, she should of done it sooner, she goes from saying she may have the baby, then not wanting to talk for a few weeks, we even spoke breifly about names, then she turned all 'i don't care about anything' attitude, im running about, doing everything, given that i did disapear for a couple of days, just to see some family, let my head balance out, and thats when i come back and she says shes going to the doctors tomorrow, and she doesnt want me with her, i said im going, i cant let her do this alone, if she does do it, obviously i will have to put up with it, i did once say i'll never bring a child into this selfish world, but now its going to be hard to let this one go. so the question how can i deal with this, give me a new outlook on life please, this is making me feel like a bullet in the brain is the best option. at this point it seems like murder.

Unfortunately you have few if any rights to your unborn child. In most states she can have an abortion up to 27 weeks of gestation. In some states late term abortions are also available.

There are cases on file where the father or grandparent has gone to court to force the mother to have the paper and to allow the father or grandparent to have custody upon the birth of the child.

You could speak to a lawyer about this. Your chances of success are minimal at best. A lawyer will best be able to tell you what your chances are. There have been cases where the mother has been ordered by the court to continue the pregnancy to birth of the child. Those cases are rare and I believe depends on the judge and where you live.

I'm the idiot that got married young and fast. We got married in July of this year after being together for 5 months. When we got married, everything changed. It was what seemed like the perfect relationship. Everyone was in awe of what we had, and I couldn't believe I snagged such an amazing guy. After being with a couple of a**holes he seriously was a breath of fresh air. I fell completely head over heels. We were such a good couple, with next to no problems. Yet. I know nothing stays "perfect" forever, but we hardly had any issues and if we did it was little things that were easily solved. Then he met a guy who soon became his best friend. This best friend if his says he's my best friend too. Which is total bull, I'm not an idiot. He got involved in every disagreement we had and made it worse. Soon he got married too, and I was automatically pressured into being her friend. I never liked her from the start, but I did what I thought I had to in order to make my husband happy. I was okay with her, until she started getting involved too. They soon teamed up on me and would twist everything I said and did around to fit whatever it is they wanted to hear or see. One of my breaking points was when I was vulnerable and trusted her with venting about my husband. Just little things like "Man, he kinda pissed me off today" or "He's been on my nerves for the past few days" and then explain why I felt that way. This was through text message. She showed my husband my text messages to her. I told him I felt betrayed. And that I always felt left out, and that they always just talked behind my back for no reason slowly turning him against me. It resulted in me crying and pleading for him to understand that any time he and I have a huge argument they're somehow involved. He said I needed help because of how emotional I was and gave me an ultimatum on seeking the help or he wouldn't speak to me or see me until it happened. So, of course, I went the very next day to see a psychologist. The man told me he didn't know why I even came and that he didn't think I needed mental help. Maybe someone to just be there for me and listen to me, but not for mental problems. I went a head and forgave her. Again, for the sake of peace. I was sick of not seeing MY friends so I decided to see my best friend. Who, unfortunately, lives an hour away. So, I drove there not thinking anything of it since my husband had said before it was fine to see my friends. We had an awesome best friend day, we went to the beach, she bought lunch and I bought dinner, and we called it a night. On my way back my husband called and I told him what I did that day, excited about it because of how much fun I had. He instantly got upset and not even a minute after we hung up I got text alerts on my phone saying that all the passwords and PIN numbers had changed on our bank account. I called him back and explained how I thought it was a little controlling that the one time I go do something for myself he flips out and cuts me off from OUR income. He said I was irresponsible and that he was not controlling me by doing that. We started arguing more, and of course he'd go tell "our friends" about it. Inevitably causing him to drift away from me without him realizing it. About a month later I had a good two hour talk on the phone with my husbands best friends wife, and I actually felt good about it. She vented to me about things and so did I. I felt kinda close to her for once. Until she did it AGAIN. She not only told my husband every little thing I said, but twisted it around to sound worse. It caused probably the hugest fight we've ever had. I immediately cut her out of my life. Never once have I interacted with her since this incident which makes it awkward because my husband still does. She kept sending paragraphs to my phone and I just ignored them. I told my husband how high school I thought it all was and that I didn't want any part of it. It continued. And I kept getting pressure from her husband to make up with her and I refused. I stood on my own two feet and said no she's a fake person and that I didn't want someone like that in my life. It's toxic and stressful. It got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore and I told my husband "I'm not saying you absolutely can't be friends with her, but I am saying she makes me uncomfortable. I can't stand knowing you still talk to her after everything she's done. She has ruined so much about our relationship, yet you continue to speak to her. I honestly prefer you don't be friends with her because you're my husband and our lives are one now. If I don't want her in my life, but she's in yours that means she's still in my life. If it gets any worse I'm gonna have to do the ultimatum thing. I won't deal with it, it's too unnecessarily stressful." Which set off a frenzy of hate. They have told him I'm abusive and controlling and that he should leave me because I'm dictating who he can have as friends. THEY CAME INTO THE PICTURE AFTER WE WERE TOGETHER. How is this even going on? How are they more important than me? I don't understand. He plays the victim all the time now. He says I changed when we got married, which I told him I felt the same way. They have changed him so much. And he doesn't realize it. I try so hard to be happy for him and do sweet things for him and put this behind us. But since he has people in his ear telling him he's the victim he has become a complete douche bag. Always snapping at me with an attitude for no reason, ignoring me, becoming explosive, etc. it was driving me crazy. So crazy that I did something I've never done before, and I regret it it will never happen again I felt so bad. I checked his phone :/ not because I think he's cheating, he's not that kind of guy. I had this overwhelming feeling that he was saying one thing to my face and another to everyone else. I was right. I literally almost threw up, she was telling him how horrible I was and that he doesn't have true happiness with me and he should leave me. He said in the texts that he was still going to talk to her behind my back and that he'd keep her updated on everything. He found out, and oh dear god. That gave them all the ammo they needed. I've never been so stressed in my life, I wake up every morning with a pit in my stomach because I know something stressful will happen. It always does. And I'm pregnant. Why put me through the stress? He says he abuses his prescription meds because of how I stress him out, and how he wishes he could break his jaw so he didn't have to hear me speak. That really hurt. He says he thinks about killing himself everyday and that I'm abusive and controlling. All I do is try and be sweet and move on from this, but since he has people turning him against me it makes it hard. Who's the abuser here? I feel like I walk on eggshells, yet he says he feels the same way. I feel so lost and alone. Like everyone hates me. I never tell anyone anything, I'm very private. I don't even see my friends anymore, and I'm embarrassed to open up to my family about it. I just spend all my time with him and his moodyness trying to make him happy. Am I wrong for wanting his support? And most of all, should I resort to the ultimatum thing if this persists? All I think about is how hurtful it is that people who came along after we were together are more important than me. I can't do this forever. I just want opinions on what I should do in this situation. Should I stick to my guns, or give in like I have before?

Not all short term relationships that lead to marriage develop into what yours have. My wife and I knew each other only 6 months and will be married 42 years come next July. We were only slightly older than you and your husband.

Outside influences can have devastating effects on any marriage. These influences can be friends or they can be relatives such as in-laws. Based on what you have written I would have to say you are in an abusive relationship with your husband as he chooses to believe his friends and takes his friends advice over that of his wifes. Just why this is I can't explain as I would have to know him to understand why he has chosen this way. If these people are older or better educated then you are (that is both of you) that could be a reason for his following of their advise.

I do agree someone is being controlling. From what you have written I believe it to be them over you. This is a very stressfully situation for you or anyone to be in. If every time you and your husband have a discussion or disagreement he runs to them to have it analyzed and seek their advise you never get to resolve an issue with him.

It is my belief that at the very least you need a vacation from him. A trial separation maybe leading to a permanent one. I really can't advise you to divorce him that is not for me or anyone else to say, it is for you to decide.

What I can advice is that in your present situation you cannot think straight and you need to leave to get out from under the stress you are under. First you need to see a lawyer to have your rights protected during the separation. Meaning he cannot legally change the passwords or pin numbers on your joint accounts or do anything else with joint assets. You might even want to go so far as to first open your own account in a separate bank to deposit you earnings in so he cannot touch them. That only leaves joint savings to protect. This is something you should speak to the lawyer about and not discuss your intentions with anyone but the lawyer until you have decided what you are going to do.

You can, I believe make as a condition of any reconciliation that he attend marriage counseling with you. Nothing says that he won't go from the counseling session straight to his friends but this will come out in counseling which the therapist can deal with.

To my mind from what you have written you are being abused not only by your husband but by his friends as well. This is an untenable situation for anyone to be in. This is why I am recommending a vacation from him. It just may be the wake up call he needs or it may prove to you that this marriage may have been a mistake. If it was a mistake don't beat yourself up over it as I don't see it as being your fault. An outside influence is ruining your marriage.

A trial separation is a bold step that needs to be taken in order to save your marriage. To put the marriage back in the hands of the two people that should control a marriage.

Okay, so my name is Allison and I am 13/f. Well there is this new guy named James 15/m that just moved to my town. Well me and James have been dating for abot 3 weeks now. And i think he is wanting to have sex. When its just the 2 of us he always makes remarks about how sexy and stuff he thinks I am. But he seems to kinda force me to do things with him like let him finger me, blow jobs, etc. I want to know if I should go through with sex and stuff. Oh, by the way he does drugs and steals and does other things I am not proud of. So, thanks:)

First you should not even be associating with him let alone dating him. Have you ever heard of guilt by association. Well it is not a legal term but there is a legal term where you are guilty if you are caught with him while he is doing something wrong.

An example of this would be if he were to rob someone or a store while you two were together. The courts would have a hard time believing you were not aware he was going to do this. So even though you may not have participated, the fact that you did nothing to stop him could send you to a juvenile corrections facility until your 21.

Has he asked you to carry his drugs in your purse. If caught with them they are yours as you poses them. Unless he owns up to them being his. In this example you go to jail not him.

Now no one should ever force you to do anything sexually you don't want to do. When you are forced to do something sexually you don't want to do it is called rape. Being forced to give him blow job is rape as it is a violation of the Sodomy laws. So if you have given him a blow job against you will you have been raped. Even if you voluntarily did so you still have been raped as you are under the age of consent. This is called statutory rape. The fact that you two are both teenagers he probably would not be charged with this unless the cops needed the charge for some reason.

You say this guy is doing things you are not proud of. Why in the world are you even seeing this guy? Why would you even consider having sex with someone who would force you to do something against your will? Sex is something that two loving people do. Frankly at 13 you are way to young to be considering having sex in the first place. I can't see why you would have sex with someone who I don't believe has any respect for you? I'm positive has only lust and not love for you.

My advice is tell your parents he forced you to give him a blow job and has been sexually harassing you. The sexually harassing you is his fingering of you against your will and anything else he has done. This is all RAPED. This boy belongs in jail not in your school.

There isn't really a category to put this in because there is too many different issues going on and then they all tie together. Let me start off with school. I go to college and I live at home. I drive and commute to school every day. Some of you have maybe heard my story before because I've posted it, but for those of you who haven't, I'll tell you again. The day before starting college, my mom told me that I was adopted. Obviously, that's big. It's not something bad. It's something beautiful and nice, but, it is a big shocker to find out at 18, when you never even suspected that before. Now... to add on to all of those, we found my biological mother and my mom made plans to meet her without even asking me if I wanted to and we went. I went with her, my cousins, and my aunt. My cousins and I have always been really close, since I grew up an only child. My cousins are like my brothers. We are extremely close. I also went through an identity crisis during this time and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I was questioning who I was and the whole thing was just a big blurr.

During this time, I got two beautiful persian cats. They were like my obsession and having these two new companions changed my life. I forgot about everything that was going on, just decided to major in psychology since it was a pretty broad major, and I was just happy with my cousins, my cats, and going to school. But, I was still going through this crisis like there was some things about me that I didn't understand. I felt like I needed to go back in time or something. I needed to understand more things about myself. I know it may seem weird to people who have never gone through this... but, I graduated high school with a class of 75... and went to a college of 40,000 people and within days, had to meet strangers who I was being told were my parents. My life changed in an instant. So, I became obsessed with working. I worked like 45 hours a week and I was overly stressed. I felt that working this much only took away from my grades and time for school than anything. When I saw that didn't work, I decidd to fill in the void with joining a sorority. At the beginning, I was into it, working like 10 hours a week at school and enjoying certain aspects. But, it only went downhill. During recruitment, the girl standing next to me asked me a question because she had been out of the country for some time. And the girl standing next to me on the other side punched me in the breast because I was answering her question. I feel like they expect more from me than school or my job! It's definately overwhelming.

Now... for the terrible things that did happen. In february, my cousin passed away from cancer. My other cousin had to leave to medical school, and both of my cats passed away from cancer too. I was heartbroken and so sad. But, the family has stuck together and I am grateful for the boyfriend I have who is so patient and is always there for me. He is a blessing.

My mom is out of control. She is always angry. ALWAYS! We are always arguing because she gets angry over everything. She has told me that I'm not the same person anymore because I've become more serious. Well, I do have to get serious sometime... I'm graduating college and I'm going to be 22. I've never been a party girl, only when I was in high school. And given everything that has happened in the past three years, I think I must have changed at least a little bit. My grandmother thinks I'm 5. She does not ALLOW ME to drive to my boyfriends house for us to leave somewhere from there. She doesn't let me drive at night. She makes me call her whenever I drive to school and to work to make sure I got there. It's overwhelming to have someone treating you like that all the time. I love my grandma and I know she's trying to help and that she loves me and worries about me, but I think at 22 it's ok to step back a little bit. My grandfather was my only hope of people who live in this house. He has always been there for me and is relatively normal compared to everybody else. But, he's turned for the worst too. Never has he ever gotten mad at me and the other day blew up in my face because I ordered a pizza that he thought was too expensive ($15), with my OWN MONEY.

Right now, I work as an assistant teacher. Although it is practically full time, I am graduating and I want to be a teacher. I figured that an oppertunity like this doesn't come around all the time. I also have a second job at school that's 10 hours but it's part of a scholarship so I need to keep it. Yet, I'm really stressed but see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, remember, I majored in psychology. I've decided that I want to pursue education as a carreer. I have two choices. Masters or another bachelors.

Pros and Cons of Bachelors:
Pros: I will have a classroom earlier and will enjoy it a lot because I already know the professors and what to expect. Eventually, I will get a masters but I don't feel like right now is the time, I'd rather get another bachelors first. It will also be cheaper because I can get more scholarships.

Cons: The only con I see to this is that I'd stay in the same school. I have been through so much at the school and I'm afraid I'm gonna be unmotivated. I may have to keep my second job, and I feel like I may be overwhelemed for longer. Yet, this has hope because I can always work out those things. It's not a con that's huge and can't be worked out. The other con I see is that I may have to live at home. How can I deal with my family anymore? They are just getting on my last nerve.

Pros and Cons of Masters
Pros: Don't have to worry about getting a masters later on, may be able to go to another school that's like 20-30 minutes away, but I see a better chance of moving out.

Cons: It will take longer to get a classroom, the work at a masters level may be too difficult and unmotivating to dive into when it's a subject I haven't mastered in undergrad.

Now, here is where it gets tricky. I'm walking in graduation this semester. If I do, and sign up for the second bachelors, I won't be eligible for any financial aid. only loans! If I don't walk, I can get it ALL paid for. But, I feel like I deserve to walk because I worked hard in my first major. Plus, they will raise my salary at work by a lot if I graduate officially from my first bachelors and receive my diploma. I am so stressed that I just need someone to put it into perspective for me.

You do have a number of issues to discuss. The unfortunate thing with this website is it is limited to a one way type of communication. The issues you have really need to be discussed.

Hopefully since you majored in psychology you will understand when I suggest you consider talk therapy. The issues you have are not insurmountable. What they are is in need of airing with someone that can assist you with sorting them out.

Where I can help you is with some of the issues you have with your mom and grandparents.

You are not the same person, you had a life changing revelation and that is mom's fault for not telling you earlier. I suspect part of her feeling that you are not the same person is the fact of her failure to tell you about being adopted sooner and her, in a sense, forcing you to meet you biological parents. As I read what you wrote she did not ask if you wanted to meet them.

Mom may now feel as if she is not the mom she was before she told you that you were adopted. The solution for this may be as simple as sitting down with her and telling her that nothing between you has changed that she is and will always be your mom. The other women is a stranger to you even is she is your biological mother.

As for your grandparents. You are aware they are being over protective. It can be looked at as being very loving and sweet but it too is very wrong. Here again you need to have a conversation, with them. You start by telling them how much you love them and respect and appreciate what they have done for you. You tell them that you are 22 now, legally an adult responsible for everything and anything you do. Regardless of what or how you decide to proceed come graduation you now exist in an adult world and must function as an adult.

This means making you own decisions, spending YOUR money, YOU earned it as you wish. While what you purchase or how you spend your earnings may seem frivolous to them they need to remember it is YOUR money not theirs. As an adult you will need to drive when and where you need to including driving at night. Be it for pleasure or for work. Just for the record at your age you are also entitled to a sex life, if you wish to have one. It is no ones business but your own.

As to school and whether to graduate or continue with your studies and which degree. This is where I believe either a therapist or student adviser is the best person to speak with. I suggest a therapist as their really is some things in the issues I have attempted to address that you should discuss with a therapist as well. Strictly addressing the issues of furthering your education your student adviser is your best way to address this issue.

I get these really bad headaches on the back right of my head and i always feel like shit, like nothing i do is ever good enough like a pressure to be perfect. And Ill get these random moments of sadness where all I want to do is lay in the dark and cry. Please help me, please.

I'm not a doctor, none of are so I cannot make any type of diagnoses.

To me the headaches and the random moments of sadness may or may not be related. The random moments of sadness and the desire to lay in the dark and cry are moments of depression. Depression, clinical depression, is generally brought on by stress. The pressure to be perfect is enough pressure to cause depression, especially in a teenager. In fact depression brought on by stress in a teenager is called teenage depression.

Headaches are also primarily caused by stress. So it is easy to say that if you are pushing yourself to be perfect then you are placing a lot of stress on yourself in just trying to be perfect. Then I'm sure there are other things in your life to place added stress on you. The result is the desire to curl up in a ball and go off someplace dark and cry.

You don't say how old you are if you are under 14, which I have a feeling you are not, you need to have mom or dad make a doctors appointment for you. If you are over 14 you have the choice of making your own doctors appointment or discussing with mom,dad or both how you are feeling and asking one of them to take you to your family doctor.

Being over 14 a federal law called HIPPA gives you this option as it gives you medical confidentiality for certain medical conditions. What you are feeling qualifies under the law for you to see any doctor without parental permission or knowledge of why you are seeing the doctor.

Everything about the visit and treatment is confidential and your parents can only learn of what you are being treated for, if you are treated for anything, with your written permission. Your mom by law can no longer be in an exam room with you unless you invite her to be with you. The reason for this law is to allow young people such as yourself to be totally open an honest with your doctors so they can properly treat you.

My advice is to see your doctor. Teenage depression, if that is what is troubling you is easily treated with or with out medication and some talk therapy. The headaches may or may not be related and that takes a doctors to diagnose.

One thing you may try is a motto I have used all my life. It is something I found to help me cope with trying to be perfect. The motto is: "The only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today."

What this means is that I realized that I can't always be perfect. That I can't always be the best at everything I do although I will continue to try there is always going to be someone that can do something better than me. I don't have to compete with everyone just myself. If I can do better tomorrow then I am today, I am better for it.

This took a lot of pressure off me and I still excelled in those areas that were important to me. I was in sales and since this is how I supported my family this is the area I mainly wanted to excel in. So this is the area I had to be better in everyday. It works, I lead my company in sales almost every year.

How did you get them back?

Before anyone can answer this question we would need to know how or why you believe you lost yours. As a general rule we do not lose are emotions. Instead we become hardened to certain things and don't show are emotions.

An example of this would be firefighters who answer the calls for car wrecks and people dying. They appear to be cold as they go about their jobs of trying to save the injured or keep those dying alive long enough to get them to a doctor. Fact is they are not cold or heartless. They have trained themselves not to get emotionally involved for if the do they are of no help to the people who need them. Once they get back to the fire station then the emotions come out.

So if you can explain why you feel this way we might be able to offer some advice.

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