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WARNING: LONG! BUT PLEASE HELP
There isn't really a category to put this in because there is too many different issues going on and then they all tie together. Let me start off with school. I go to college and I live at home. I drive and commute to school every day. Some of you have maybe heard my story before because I've posted it, but for those of you who haven't, I'll tell you again. The day before starting college, my mom told me that I was adopted. Obviously, that's big. It's not something bad. It's something beautiful and nice, but, it is a big shocker to find out at 18, when you never even suspected that before. Now... to add on to all of those, we found my biological mother and my mom made plans to meet her without even asking me if I wanted to and we went. I went with her, my cousins, and my aunt. My cousins and I have always been really close, since I grew up an only child. My cousins are like my brothers. We are extremely close. I also went through an identity crisis during this time and didn't know what I wanted to do with my life. I was questioning who I was and the whole thing was just a big blurr.
During this time, I got two beautiful persian cats. They were like my obsession and having these two new companions changed my life. I forgot about everything that was going on, just decided to major in psychology since it was a pretty broad major, and I was just happy with my cousins, my cats, and going to school. But, I was still going through this crisis like there was some things about me that I didn't understand. I felt like I needed to go back in time or something. I needed to understand more things about myself. I know it may seem weird to people who have never gone through this... but, I graduated high school with a class of 75... and went to a college of 40,000 people and within days, had to meet strangers who I was being told were my parents. My life changed in an instant. So, I became obsessed with working. I worked like 45 hours a week and I was overly stressed. I felt that working this much only took away from my grades and time for school than anything. When I saw that didn't work, I decidd to fill in the void with joining a sorority. At the beginning, I was into it, working like 10 hours a week at school and enjoying certain aspects. But, it only went downhill. During recruitment, the girl standing next to me asked me a question because she had been out of the country for some time. And the girl standing next to me on the other side punched me in the breast because I was answering her question. I feel like they expect more from me than school or my job! It's definately overwhelming.
Now... for the terrible things that did happen. In february, my cousin passed away from cancer. My other cousin had to leave to medical school, and both of my cats passed away from cancer too. I was heartbroken and so sad. But, the family has stuck together and I am grateful for the boyfriend I have who is so patient and is always there for me. He is a blessing.
My mom is out of control. She is always angry. ALWAYS! We are always arguing because she gets angry over everything. She has told me that I'm not the same person anymore because I've become more serious. Well, I do have to get serious sometime... I'm graduating college and I'm going to be 22. I've never been a party girl, only when I was in high school. And given everything that has happened in the past three years, I think I must have changed at least a little bit. My grandmother thinks I'm 5. She does not ALLOW ME to drive to my boyfriends house for us to leave somewhere from there. She doesn't let me drive at night. She makes me call her whenever I drive to school and to work to make sure I got there. It's overwhelming to have someone treating you like that all the time. I love my grandma and I know she's trying to help and that she loves me and worries about me, but I think at 22 it's ok to step back a little bit. My grandfather was my only hope of people who live in this house. He has always been there for me and is relatively normal compared to everybody else. But, he's turned for the worst too. Never has he ever gotten mad at me and the other day blew up in my face because I ordered a pizza that he thought was too expensive ($15), with my OWN MONEY.
Right now, I work as an assistant teacher. Although it is practically full time, I am graduating and I want to be a teacher. I figured that an oppertunity like this doesn't come around all the time. I also have a second job at school that's 10 hours but it's part of a scholarship so I need to keep it. Yet, I'm really stressed but see a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, remember, I majored in psychology. I've decided that I want to pursue education as a carreer. I have two choices. Masters or another bachelors.
Pros and Cons of Bachelors:
Pros: I will have a classroom earlier and will enjoy it a lot because I already know the professors and what to expect. Eventually, I will get a masters but I don't feel like right now is the time, I'd rather get another bachelors first. It will also be cheaper because I can get more scholarships.
Cons: The only con I see to this is that I'd stay in the same school. I have been through so much at the school and I'm afraid I'm gonna be unmotivated. I may have to keep my second job, and I feel like I may be overwhelemed for longer. Yet, this has hope because I can always work out those things. It's not a con that's huge and can't be worked out. The other con I see is that I may have to live at home. How can I deal with my family anymore? They are just getting on my last nerve.
Pros and Cons of Masters
Pros: Don't have to worry about getting a masters later on, may be able to go to another school that's like 20-30 minutes away, but I see a better chance of moving out.
Cons: It will take longer to get a classroom, the work at a masters level may be too difficult and unmotivating to dive into when it's a subject I haven't mastered in undergrad.
Now, here is where it gets tricky. I'm walking in graduation this semester. If I do, and sign up for the second bachelors, I won't be eligible for any financial aid. only loans! If I don't walk, I can get it ALL paid for. But, I feel like I deserve to walk because I worked hard in my first major. Plus, they will raise my salary at work by a lot if I graduate officially from my first bachelors and receive my diploma. I am so stressed that I just need someone to put it into perspective for me.
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You do have a number of issues to discuss. The unfortunate thing with this website is it is limited to a one way type of communication. The issues you have really need to be discussed.
Hopefully since you majored in psychology you will understand when I suggest you consider talk therapy. The issues you have are not insurmountable. What they are is in need of airing with someone that can assist you with sorting them out.
Where I can help you is with some of the issues you have with your mom and grandparents.
You are not the same person, you had a life changing revelation and that is mom's fault for not telling you earlier. I suspect part of her feeling that you are not the same person is the fact of her failure to tell you about being adopted sooner and her, in a sense, forcing you to meet you biological parents. As I read what you wrote she did not ask if you wanted to meet them.
Mom may now feel as if she is not the mom she was before she told you that you were adopted. The solution for this may be as simple as sitting down with her and telling her that nothing between you has changed that she is and will always be your mom. The other women is a stranger to you even is she is your biological mother.
As for your grandparents. You are aware they are being over protective. It can be looked at as being very loving and sweet but it too is very wrong. Here again you need to have a conversation, with them. You start by telling them how much you love them and respect and appreciate what they have done for you. You tell them that you are 22 now, legally an adult responsible for everything and anything you do. Regardless of what or how you decide to proceed come graduation you now exist in an adult world and must function as an adult.
This means making you own decisions, spending YOUR money, YOU earned it as you wish. While what you purchase or how you spend your earnings may seem frivolous to them they need to remember it is YOUR money not theirs. As an adult you will need to drive when and where you need to including driving at night. Be it for pleasure or for work. Just for the record at your age you are also entitled to a sex life, if you wish to have one. It is no ones business but your own.
As to school and whether to graduate or continue with your studies and which degree. This is where I believe either a therapist or student adviser is the best person to speak with. I suggest a therapist as their really is some things in the issues I have attempted to address that you should discuss with a therapist as well. Strictly addressing the issues of furthering your education your student adviser is your best way to address this issue.
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