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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
Hi ! how are you? thanks so much for replying back to my post, it did help me. I know who you are and i have had advicenators for a while, so i know that your own of the great advice columnists. Thats why i chose to write you here to finish off a few things i need your help about aswell. Thing is, ive had a hard life. Always worked for what i wanted and was never spoiled, never lazy, i couldnt afford to be. I always dreamed to marry someone that was financially stable, i could love and have a good connection with and that loved me. He is not completely lazy, but i just don't see that he has a future. He doesn't have a vision on what he wants in life-- nor does he have a plan. And even though i want him to know I know that hes still kind of young, which is normal for a lot of guys his age.. its just about what I prefer because of everything ive been through. I have loved and been broken a lot in my life, not only by my dad but from many men and i feel like i should be selfish this time, so that i don't regret it in the future. This guy that i have history with for 6 years, we are always coming back and fourth with one another, we always believed we were meant to be. But i do love my boyfriend and cant imagine breaking up with him and leaving him. I feel like it would kill him and apart of me is more afraid of his reaction than the actual break up. I feel like apart of me would be missing if we broke up, and i would be completely depressed because he truly is the best ive ever had, but i can't shake off the feeling of not feeling compatible and not sharing the same beliefs or goals in life.. I feel like staying with him would just prolong the process but i truly truly am so attached and share so much with him that it feels impossible to leave. I feel like he would never forgive me, and i would end up regretting it, even if it was the right choice. I am really fucked up in my head (sorry for my language) but that is how i really feel. I feel so confused, so lost. I feel like i just want to be alone-- but i can't do that to him either, things would never be the same. I don't know what i want anymore and im not sure i will anytime soon. What i wanted to do is to go se the rich guy, we don't see eachother very often except when it comes to family gatherings, and all of this talk about us was via phone and text. I feel like seeing him will help me make a better decision and would make me know what i truly want (I do not consider this cheating because I wont be doing anything wrong or out of my limits, I believe i am 22 years old and I should keep my options opened even if i do love someone and am with them) because even though I love him, im not sure were meant to be together. Which is crazy to me because I have never in my life understood that concept until right now. Either way, i will not get married right now or take the proposal, but i do wanna go talk to him and make him understand how i am feeling and tell him that if he truly cared for me, he would still want me a year from now seeing how I feel the same way he does but my circumstances are just crap. Anyone who read this will find me ridiculous, maybe i am.. but this is how i feel and i can't help it, and i can't feel guilty anymore because its not my fault =( I feel like i can't be with or without both and its really killing me, i wish i knew what i wanted. I don't want to lose the guy ive known for 6 years for a relationship im not sure will ever work out, but i dont wanna leave my boyfriend because im scared ill regret it because of all these feelings I have for him and all the promises we made for eachother.
This medium is not the proper medium to give you the support and help you need. Your young and confused which is not bad at all except for the fact that you are way to hard on yourself and your feelings for others.
It is really hard for me based on a few lines of writing to say drop him and go with the other buy. I will say that Mr. Lazy at his current age should have a better idea of what he plans to do in life or he may never know.
I gave you some advice as to how to help yourself make the decision I believe you already now the answer too. Mr. Rich may not be right either that is why you need to actually date and build a relationship before accepting or rejecting his proposal of marriage.
The only advice I can give you is to contact a psychologist for some talk therapy one on one. We can't have that type of conversation over this forum. One on one with a trained therapist can help you better understand the confusion and difficulty you are having. Even better it is as confidential as this forum as nothing said in therapy leaves the room it is said in.
I truly believe you will benefit from talk therapy provided you go into it with an open mind and listen to the help offered. You are young there is plenty of time before you need to settle down and have a family if that is your plan. Both of these men may be wrong for you I can't say. You need time to play the field and find your ideal mate. Your 22 so I would say you have at least 6 years minimum before you need to get serious about settling down. Have some fun first life is short. Once the children come along they come first and everything else in life is 2nd and last.
Hi everyone. I would appreciate taking the time to read this and to understand where im coming from. Whoever replies back to this, please have an open mind and understand where I am coming from and what i am currently going through. Okay so. I’ve known this guy for 6 years, were family friends and we've always like each other. I am 23 and he is 25, we have been into each other since the beginning of time, however, it was always the wrong time. Either i felt too much and he felt too little or vice versa. Either he was in a relationship and engaged or i was in a relationship or we both wanted to be single at the wrong time and we never dated. We only knew that we had this strong bond, natural connection and something rare. Ive always said that hes the guy for me because of how hes the only guy thats come into my life that's actually stayed and he says the same thing. I had really strong feelings for this guy, more than him actually and even if i was with someone it was always him in the back of my mind. If i broke up with someone, hes somehow the person i always leaned on because we always had this "what if" between us that we never truly fulfilled because we've never been together but have always been so curious about it. Around 8 months ago, we were still talking and he kept telling me that he wanted to be with me but that I had to wait until he was ready to be in an official relationship again because he had just broken up with his 3 year fiancé that he truly loved. And that he was’t ready for anything serious but that he feels like were meant to be together and he wants to come talk to my parents soon so that we get married. I honestly had a hard time trusting him because usually I feel like he has feelings for me and never does anything about it, or that we never truly made any moves to be together, but this was the first time he talked about marriage. I said I would wait for him and was a little dramatic about it and figured that we were probably gonna end up together anyway but I wasn’t thinking so deep into it. I just learned to let it be between us. That’s how we’’ve always been, going back and fourth with one another so I figured its no big deal and if it happens then it happens. I met this guy a month after and have been with him ever since. We’ve been together for 7 months now and we have a nice relationship. He is loyal, respectful, sweet, loving, everything ive ever truly wanted in a person. Except that we come from different societies, we have different mindsets. We are inlove, and attached and for the most part we work well together, however, ive always had second thoughts in my head about the future with him because there was just always that one thing that we didn’t share, were kind of incompatable. There are just some things that I cant deny. We have this intense love for eachother, but when I hink of the future I feel like I cant see a family with this person because we are truly so different than one another. Which hurts me so much. It kills me that I am so inlove with him but feel like im not sure if we can be together for good. The thing is, we speak different langauges. I am Egyptian American and he is pure Egyptian, there are tthings in my personality that I can only express in English because I was born and raised in the states, there are things about my personality that I feel he doesn’t understand. And some things we are just different about. Now, in any Egyptian family, marriage is a priority. We don’t wait until were 30 to get married and it’s extremely different here than it is outside the country. This guy I am with now works and doesn’t make enough money to not only get married, but to even get engaged, hes not goal oriented and has no plan in the future. Which worries me. I have a lot of daddy issues, and I wont say that I lean on someone to financially support me because I have been working my whole life towards being successful in my career, I have been through the worst possible shit ever and I honestly do not intend to marry someone who is just going to remind me of how hard it is living with my father that doesn’t financially support me at all. This other guy, the one that I mentioned in the beging having chemistry and history with for 6 years now came back into my life and said that he wants to marry me soon and that he knows im the one for him and that were meant for eachother. He keeps talking about how we always go back to one another and how we share this unbreakable bond, a natural bond that is just always going to be there. Which I completely agree with, but I don’t love him. I love my boyfriend. But I feel like my boyfriend is lazy and has no future and I know it sounds terrible but it’s the truth. The guy ive known for years is not only rich, but he knows my family from A to Z , he knows all my circumstances and he wants to share the rest of his life with me and sees it. We talked about it although I felt it was highly inappropriate to talk about this with someone who is not my boyfriend. But I set a limit. I only let him talk about what he wants and listened, and tried my best not to emotionally cheat on my boyfriend even though I feel like I can’t help but want the same things that this guy does. We both have many things in common. Future and life goals in general. We like the same things, but I am inlove with my boyfriend and he is crazy about me. I think that if I ever left him he would do something to himself and id break his heart and id never forgive myself for it. Im left in shock seeing how you can truly love someone so much but feel like they aren’t te person for you. I never felt like that was possible until now and It completely destroys me. I don’t know what to do. I told the guy that ive known for years to just leave me alone and that I have to pay attention to my relationship and he told me that Im not in a good relationship because I even considered him (Which is the truth because I did, ive been confused for a while now about which one of them I should be with and that’s not good) and I know its not good, and I don’t mean it and im not a terrible person but I don’t know what to do. A part of me is telling me to go for the guy of 6 years that keeps promising me the world and promises to make me happy and telling me that he loves me. And a part of me wants to stay with my boyfriend that im not suer about because I love him so fucking much it hurts. I really feel like I want to rip my hair apart because of all the depression I am going through. Today I sat with my boyfriend and cried to him telling him how much I love him but I feel like were different in many things. He didn’t understand and kept trying to make me feel better and told me to stop crying and kept saying hes sorry if he upset me, but he is so genuine and loyal and I really can’t imagine breaking his heart because all this guy ever did was make me happy. Truly happy for 8 months, yet, I can’t shake off this feeling of feeling like he isn’t the one for me. How is it possible that I love someone so much but see my life with someone else? I really can’t wrap my head around it, I feel so guilty. So upset. I feel like I betrayed my boyfriend and betrayed myself. But I feel like I should also consider myself and what I want in my future and for me and my kids and my lifestyle with this other guy makes more sense. They both love me, and I love my boyfriend but I see more potential and a happier future with this other guy. What do you think I should do? I know that no one here will probably understand, I just need to know that theres someone out there that has been through something like this. I don’t wanna regret leaving any of them. And if staying with my boyfriend is the safer choice then Ill do it even if I don’t think its right. I wish i could be single so that i can figure this whole thing out, But I can’t break his heart and Ill be breaking mine if I get with someone else and feel like I made the worst mistake of my life. Thanks for reading.
I'm going to try and simplify a bit of how Dragonflymagic answered you. I will use the Rich and Lazy guy as she did for simplification and coordination between us.
You say that Lazy guy is not marriage material. He is lazy and not goal orientated. You are just the opposite you are drive and goal orientated. You have daddy issues with him.
Regardless of the fact that rich guy has entered the picture why in the world are you still with this Lazy guy. In your own words this relationship has no place to go so what keeps you with him.
What keeps you with him is what you have to sit down and have a serious conversation with yourself. Cover all the bases from companionship to sex. Make a physical list if you must. Sort of a pro's and con's or stay or go list if you wish and see what keeps you with him.
Once you have had this conversation with yourself and have your reasons to stay or go. It will be apparent that your not being a bad person your actually being a good person by enabling him to be the way his is. For that reason alone you should leave him to force him to stand on his own two feet though you will also see other reasons should you agree with me that staying enables his present way of life.
As to rich guy maybe he is the right guy to marry I really am not in a position to say. Per you he has all the qualities you are looking for in a husband. Those cultural differences definitely need to be worked out before you walk down the aisle..
My answer for Rich guy would be that at this time you cannot say yes or no to his proposal. You are just coming out a relationship that was not the greatest and you need time to make sure that accepting his proposal is not a lifeboat action. That you would like to date him, something you to have not done in earnest, for six months then if he still wishes to propose you will be able to give him an answer. Six months is time enough to start building all parts important to a relationship from companionship to sex to sickness and health to compatibility. Time to working on those cultural areas that separate you. If you accept his proposal have a long engagement to continue building your relation ship before your wedding.
Broken hearts mend and laze's heart will mend and hopefully it will be a wake up call for him that he needs to do better for himself.
Your only mistake is doing something to satisfy someone else that does not give you the satisfaction you need or keeps you from obtaining the goals you have for yourself. This is not the age of you parents or even my era. Women are allowed to be goal oriented. They are not meant to be enablers.
I do not know if MR. Rich is right for you. I do know Mr. Lazy is wrong for you. You're 23, very much a child when looked as someone that needs to marry or be called an old maid. You have time to date and play the field be for you need to actually settle and raise a family if that is your plan.
How do I ejaculate by myself
Since you do not say if you are male or female my advice is as follows.
If your a girl you do not ejaculate but you do orgasm through masturbation. When you do your vagina will secrete a lot of fluid. This secretion is not considered to be ejaculation on males ejaculate.
If you are a guy and wish to ejaculate with out having intercourse then you must masturbate as well. This is usually referred to as Jerking off. You can use a search engine and type in either male masturbation or how to jerk off and you will get a large number of returns as to how to do so.
The same is true for females just type in "Female Masturbation how to."1
While there is nothing wrong with masturbation, it is actually very healthy as it relieves sexual tension in a safe manner in the privacy of ones bedroom or morning shower. The key word here is "Privacy."
When you decide you need to masturbate you want to do so in private in a place where you won't be disturbed or intruded upon. In your bedroom with the door closed and locked or your morning shower or evening bath with the bathroom door closed and locked.
Female, 21 years old
Hello,
I am one year and a half away from graduating from my Bachelor's Degree in English Linguistics and am considering whether to do a Master's Degree, or do a second Bachelor. I know the most convenient path would be the Master's, possibly with a PhD behind (depending on your goals). However, the reason why I want to do a second Bachelor is because there are many more things I want to explore and do. Studying language is very interesting, and there are various things I wish to learn about it, but there are other fields I would like to dabble in, as vague as that sounds.
My problem is that there are too many things I want to study, and I don't have the time nor money to do it all. Mostly because I want to do something that will help everyone, but at the same time there are things I want to do that make me feel selfish, such as becoming an illustrator or a writer. I know that art in general helps people in ways many still don't understand, but it still doesn't take that feeling away. I thought maybe it was because its a lonely path to take. As an artist of any kind, you would have to spend quite a lot of time with yourself, though as an introvert I don't mind... but at the same time its not good. As an introvert I want to come out of my shell more often and get rid of what I think may be social anxiety.
My plans for a Bachelor's Degree consist on going to Utah Valley University for their Illustration program, and maybe doing a double in Psychology, or Anthropology to complement my Art degree. I believe Psychology or Anthropology would be better options because they would help my art degree grow, but they are both quite different in that Anthropology focuses only on humans, while Psychology is considered more of a science and I find is broader.
I recently did my first cosplay however, and deeper in love with the theater aspect of art, especially costume making, and the university has a program for Theater with an Emphasis in Design and Production, so I don't know if I should leave the idea of Psychology/Anthropology for Theatre instead.
However, I also want to take some of their language courses, like Japanese and ASL, and gain some experience in filmmaking along the way as I am currently also doing a Cinematography certificate.
See what I mean? I'm scatterbrained. My thought process is all over the place and sometimes it overwhelms and tires me. Should I see professional help for this? I'm not quite sure since I've never gone to a psychologist/counselor/therapist before.
Seeking professional help is not a bad idea. The college should have a counseling center that can guide you or even test you to see what you are best suited for. At this point in your education you should be studying for the subject in which you feel your life's work is in.
Once you have graduated with the best degree in that subject you need to succeed in that field and you have established yourself. Then these subjects can be explored through on-line courses or night college.
We never stop learning we just change the method in which we learn You learn on the job, you learn in formal settings you even learn through day to day activities.
I spent my entire sales career in sales and marketing and drove my National Sales Manger nuts. I was very successful but I was not the typical sales person. I was not motivated by money. I did not worry if I wrote an order today. I knew the orders where there to be gotten if ZI didn't write one today I would write two or three tomorrow. My concern was learning something new.
While most salespeople felt if the didn't write an order during the day then they were unemployed that day. My motto was if I leave home and returned without learning something new I wasted a day. There is always something new out there to learn as the world is a forever changing place. For you today it is psychology tomorrow it could be Theater.
Most important for today is to find what you are moist passionate about as that is the way you will earn your living.
So I've been in a relationship with this man for ten months now. We got engaged five months into our relationship (don't judge, please. My parents got engaged at 17 after a few months of being together. They've been HAPPILY married for 31 years now, so this is possible. I've NEVER been certain about any guy in my life EVER except for this man.)
Anyway... What makes me *GENUINELY* happy and overflow in pure positive energy is putting infinitely effort in making him happy.
When he puts effort in (which trust me, he does A LOT)... it makes me happy, but not as happy as when I'm doing things to make him happy.
I do things like give him massages without him asking... waiting on him, like taking his dirty plates in the kitchen, making him food and bringing it to him, etc... complimenting him whenever... reassuring him about everything... allowing him to change the channel when I'm watching a show I really love (for example, I love Jerry Springer, but he doesn't, so I let him change it, which makes me happy when I let him change it to what he wants)... choose to listen to his favorite music in the car instead of my favorite (which I like his music anyway; but sometimes he'll choose to listen to my favorite because he's sweet like that.)... etc.
Trust me, he puts a lot of effort in. He's SUPER appreciative and the sweetest thing ever.
I don't know why I'm like this. I just don't get that happy when he's trying to make me happy. I'm PURELY and GENUINELY overjoyed when I'm doing things to make him happy.
The more I do for him, the happier I am.
The less I do for him, the less happy I am.
Is this bad at all? I REALLY don't want to stop putting so much effort in because it makes him super happy as well as making me super happy.
I met my wife in September. We became engaged in December and married in July. The day after tomorrow will mark 46 years together. Sometimes you just know from day one when things are right. Yes many people judged us, said it would last. Funny their marriages didn't last where ours has. If anyone says anything just let it role off your back like water off a duck. Being happy together is 50% of a good marriage.
If you receive genuine pleasure in doing things for him then their is no reason for you to stop. He should reciprocate in kind. Meaning all marriages are a 50/50 split. I'm going to get drummed out of the men's club for this but it needs to be said. Men have been waited hand and foot since birth by there mothers. If you continue to wait on him in that same manner it tends to get old after time, especially when children come along and you are not a stay at home homemaker. Then he really needs to step up and take on a full 50% share of the responsibilities.
I write the above because of this passage you wrote, "When he puts effort in (which trust me, he does A LOT)..." It is hard to define a lot. It needs to be more towards equal. I'm not saying you should stop doing what your doing. I'm saying you should encourage him to do his share especially if your living together.
I m 19 year old.my menstual cycle is on now. Tomorrow I kiss my boyfriend and now I m observing continiously bleeding is it forthe kiss?
Kissing and your menstrual cycle have nothing to do with each other. Your menstrual cycle involves your reproductive system. Your lips have nothing to do with your reproductive system other than to help excite during foreplay and during sex itself.
There could be many other causes for the continues bleeding which might require intervention by your GYN If you have been bleeding continuously for over 24 hours call your GYN or go to the nearest emergency room. In fact if you do not have someone to drive you to the doctor or emergency room call 911 and let them take you to the emergency room.
There is one cause that does not need a doctors intervention and it is called mind over matter. If you honestly feel kissing your boyfriend will cause this to happen it could happen. The mind is a powerful tool.
There is nothing you do that should effect your menstrual cycle. You can kiss, be fingered and even have sex while having your period. None of this should cause what is happening now.
Hello everyone,I am 17 years and i have never had any sexual activity until recently my boyfriend has been fingering me and he said that since he didnt feel any obstruction,that i am not a virgin anymore and he is very offended because he feels that I lied to him of being a virgin,pls how do I assure myself dat I am.
Short answer; you are still a virgin until a male penis penetrates your vagina even for a second. If this has not happened to you then you are still a virgin.
Do you use Tampons? Are you athletic at all? Do you go horseback riding or bike riding? These are all activities that can dislodge the membrane without there being sexual intercourse.
Now the membrane may be intact and his fingers may just be sliding through the hole in the membrane that allows you menstrual flow to exit. This hole varies in size and there can be more than one. If he isn't the first boy to finger you and you don't use Tampons then the first boy to finger you may have dislodged the membrane.
Fact is by today’s definition of virgin, if a boy’s penis has not penetrated your vagina for even a second then you are a virgin. Gone are the days of the membrane having to be intact and blood on the sheets on the Wedding night. Today’s female is far too active for that fragile membrane to remain intact until first intercourse.
Just a note here. The average age for first intercourse for females is now age 17.2 years and men is 16.9 years.
21/F
Hello, I have been getting worried because everyone I has gone through at leaat SOME kind of relationship, but at my age I haven't even gotten my "first kiss". At first I was just avoiding amy relationship whatsoever because I wanted to focus on college and I knew a lot of family members who had left college because of that, which scared me. But recently I've been thinking about it a lot since I'm almost done with my Bachelor' Degree, but the few guys that have shown any interest... I just don't see them that way. The very first guy who straight out asked me out on a date was one from a class I took last fall, but I turned him down (gently, I'm not a monster) because first, I didn't see him that way, and secondly, I actually found him a little annoying friend-wise (not saying I disliked him, he was a good person, there were just things about him I wasn't good at tolerating). There's this guy I met last summer (in class as well) who has been trying to get me to go out with him, though I'm not sure if its just hanging out or actually asking me out on dates - he would usually ask me when I wasn't available for whatever reason though so we could never match up our schedule. I didn't like him like that either though. There's this guy this semester who has been following me around and texting me a lot who I suspected might have liked me but wasn't sure. He's younger by like two years though and can be a little immature so that's a no-no for me as well.
My point here is, that I think the problem may be with me. That I'm too critical of guys and I can never approach a guy I actually like because I get shy. I'm not that much of a social person either, so I'm just afraid I will never get to experience a relationship. Just a few days ago I was giving myself a little peptalk about how I needed to get used to the idea of never having a relationship - and I actually started considering becoming a Buddhist nun, but I don't like some of their principles so that's probably a no-no.
My self-esteem as a woman is really low, and I've come to the point where I think I'm just not attractive to others. Not to mention I'm a little confused rigt now because I've noticed I started liking girls as well as guys and I'm trying to figure out if I actually would see myself with a girl or not. My family is really judgemental of homosexuality, so if it turned out I actually feel attracted to my own sex as well (I still find myself attracted to guys) that would be really hard for me.
You wrote a very interesting and open letter as to who you might be. Before you try to figure out your sexuality, which could be bisexual, I believe you have to fix the self-esteem problem.
Fixing your self-esteem problem is not something you can do sitting in front of a mirror and having a heart to heart with yourself. This requires some professional help. Your school probably offers some counseling service possibly through the psychology department.
What I first suggest is you get some counseling to help raise your self-esteem. Your letter tells me you can be a very open and loving person. Someone who if I was 50 years younger I would like to meet and get to know. Yes I'm old enough to be your grandfather so consider this some grandfatherly advice. There is something, possible an early childhood trauma you no longer remember that is holding you back. Counseling with a good therapist will help find that trauma and help you deal with it rather ten leave it buried. Once dealt with properly you can rebuild your self-esteem.
The second part of the problem you write about is more easily fixed. You and my so are a lot alike in what you look for in a companion or mate. You are both looking for a perfect fit in an off the rack world. My son finally found the love of his life and they will may next year.
You are not alone in that desire. There is a vast sea of people that for various reasons wish to avoid the dating season and more or less special order the type of people they want to meet. This is what the dating site are all about and my son found his future wife.
My son =needed a very special women to marry him as his career is one that when he leaves the house in the morning there is no guarantee he is coming home the next morning. No he is not a cop he is a firefighter/paramedic. My future daughter in law tell this was a no go for her when she read this but there was something about him that made her what to contact him. She said after the first date she fell in love. With the exception of his career he was everything she was looking for. After living with him for a year she has learned to live with that fact.
My recommendation is; start with counseling and when the therapist says your ready pick one or two dating sites like match.com. Fill out the profile page and shop the therapist the page before you file it along with what you are looking for in a match. I ask you to show the profile page to the therapist as we are all way too hard on ourselves so let someone soften it.
There is someone out there for you. You like my son just need to look for him differently than others do. This is not a horrible way to find the love of your life.
I dated a girl about 5-6 years ago. We broke up bad but we've been friends now for the past couple years. Her best friend is now single and I'd like to date her, but my ex said her friend won't date me because they're best friends.It's been years since I dated my ex and she's engaged now so her feelings for me (if she has any) shouldn't matter. Should I try talking to my ex's friend or not?
My thoughts are; nothing ventured nothing gained. You have nothing to lose by talking to the ex's girlfriend and seeing if she will go out with you. The worst she can say is no. Just because you and the ex didn't work out doesn't mean you and the ex's girlfriend won't have things in common.
When it comes to matters of the heart all is fair in love and war and this could be love. The ex's girlfriend may not say anything to you out of deference to her friend. If you were to approach her that would be different. Then she can say something like, he approached me and I just wanted to see what he was like. Can I help it is we fell in love or if we are now in a relationship. These things happen; your married why should you care.
See what I'm getting at. Because of her friendship no matter how much she may want to date you she cannot make the first move that has to be you. Once you make that move if she wants to date you she now has plausible reasons to give to her friend so as not to ruin that relationship just so she can have one with you.
Does my mother love me when she wants to get rid of me
Could you supply more information.
1. Why you feel your mother wants to get rid of you.
2. Your age and sex
3. I s mom a single parent.
This information would be very helpful in answering your question. Without it I have no idea how to answer you or help you.
If you like you can send me this information in a private message then only you, me and the webmaster can see it.
Lets start my saying that I don't identify myself as crazy or a sadist or anything like that, and being called that really hurts. When I try to get help from people about this I hear crazy quite a lot. I have two pet cats that I adore! I'm great with cats and usually become friends with one in a very short amount of time. Sometimes though, I get a little out of hand. My older cat doesn't like to be held. Sometimes when she makes me mad I'll hold her until she starts crying. If they don't eat their new food and then complain about being hungry my meowing really loudly and begging for table food, I'll hold their heads over the bowl until they eat and get used to it. If they make me really angry I'll pull their tails, or back them into corners. One time when I was really little I held them my their tails, until my mom screamed at me to put them down. I never did anything like that to tem since then, only the stuff I mentioned before. But when I do it, my heart feels funny. Like when you get a complamint from someone you admire. I really don't like what I'm doing, but sometimes I just lose control. I really don't want to talk to anyone about this, I'd rather deal with it on my own, but if I must, I'll try. These situations don't happen often, only about every month or less, and never to anyone else's cat, only mine. After an incident happens I feel extremely guilty. I'll give them treats, catnip, play with them, and pet them. Why do I do this, is there something wrong with me, am I really crazy?
I'm neither a psychologist nor psychiatrist so I really can’t say if there is anything wrong other than this does not sound like normal behavior to me. I do believe you do need to speak to a professional about this behavior before it turns into something else. There is a reason, possibly deep seated as to why you do it. Once you find out what that reason is it can be dealt with properly and you can stop doing this.
The first person you need to talk to is your mom or dad. Realize this is going to be a hard conversation to have. It is a conversation you don't want to tell and your parents don't want to hear but it must be said.
One way to have this conversation and to make sure you get to say everything you need to say to write it all down in a letter. Ask mom or dad to sit down with you that you need to have a serious conversation with them. Hand them the letter and ask them to read it fully then you would like to discuss it with them. The end of the letter you ask for help by asking them to arrange for you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.
You also need to see your family doctor for a full and complete physical including being screened for depression. This will be asked for by either of the other two doctors so you may as well start with your own doctor and rule out any organic causes for why you act this way.
I'm sure mom or dad doesn’t realize what you are doing when you annoy the cats and they start screaming. Cats more than dogs will not put up with being fussed with as they are very independent animals. I'm fairly certain mom does not investigate what you are doing to make the cats scream. I'm just as certain this will come as a shock to her but I do not think she will yell at you or punish you.
I believe you have a good mom and when she reads your letter she may cry a bit but then she will move heaven and earth to get you the help you need. So don't delay; write the letter today. Make sure you get everything in the letter you need to say then ask for your parents or just mom to sit down with you.
I'm gonna try to make this really quick. I'd like advice on how to be a good single mother. I don't know if anyone can really help me out with that much or not, but I'd greatly appreciate any help I can get at all.
Long story short, I'm a single mom and I feel very guilty about it quite often. I've started to see a lot of reasons it's important for my kids, especially my boys to have a dad, but they currently don't have one in their lives at all and I'm not sure what to do about it. I'm not sure I want to get married and even if I did, there's no telling how long it'd take to find the right guy.
My step dad has been an amazing a male role model/father figure to the kids. My uncles have helped a lot in those ways too, but it doesn't really assuage my guilt much.
I'm scared. I don't want to screw up my kids lives at all as they are so very precious to me. Does anyone have advice? BTW, I don't want this to sound rude, but please don't have your only advice be to get married. I want advice that will help me until I get married if I ever do. Thank you in advance for any help and God Bless.
The one thing I can suggest is you look and see if there is a group called "Big Brother/Big Sister in your area. If there is I would enroll you children with this organization as it is designed specifically fro children missing a parent. Your boys will benefit with this group in many ways as will your girls. You enroll your girls so as they not feel left out even though you are there for them as a role model. The big brother and big sister dedicate one day a week to be with your child and to do things with them that you may not have the time to do.
You should also call the YMCA and see what summer programs they have that your kids might enjoy. These programs are usually low cost or no cost to you. The YMCA may also run after school programs you should check into. Your local parks and Recreation Department may be running summer youth programs. These programs are also low cost programs to residents.
The benefit of these programs is it gets the kids out of the house away from the electronic games and into the fresh air. This is where they can learn a very important social skill as to how to interact with their peers,
Now for you. These are your kids and you seem to be a good parent. You are looking out for them and you care for them. Two very basic qualities of a good parent. It doesn't matter how you came to have these children if you were married or not. You had choices if you were not married you could have aborted the pregnancies or given them up for adoption when they were born; you did neither you chose to keep them and raise them.
From what I can see you have no reason to feel guilty. You are a caring parent. As long as your children are Healthy, well fed, clean and have a clean home you have done what is required of any parent single or wedded. BUT if you continue to carry this guilt with you it will eventually cause harm to your kids.
You need to speak with someone and unburden this guilt. I suggest you speak with a psychologist, You can speak to him or her, whoever you chose openly and freely in a manner you would never speak to someone who knows you. Safe in the knowledge that anything you say is totally confidential and never leaves the room you say it in. The psychologist becomes your new best friend you can tell your deepest. In therapy you will get to the root cause of your guilt and with the therapists help find a better way to deal with it. secrets to.
So I have this granddad who's a horrible racist. He grew up in a time and place where black people didn't have the same civil rights that they do now and it was completely socially acceptable to treat them like $#!?. He's very stuck in his ways and doesn't realize how much things have changed nor does he like seeing how some things have changed. He hates it in fact and has this conviction that the way things were done back in his day (not just when it comes to this, but when it comes to anything) is the right way to do things.
I apologize if this offends anyone, but you'll never heard my granddad use the term African American and will rarely hear him say black. To him, they're n!&&ers and c@@ns. It makes me mad that he is such a horrible racist and makes so many racist comments and jokes because I have friends who are African American. I had an African American counselor in school who I met with once a week every week from the 7th Grade to the week before I graduated high school. She was amazing. She changed my life so much on ways that nobody else ever could. I had a lot of social and academic problems in school and she fixed them all. There's no telling what my life would've ended up like if it weren't for her. She passed away last August and it broke my heart. I loved her deeply. But if my granddad knew about any of this, he wouldn't care.
He feels that white people should have nothing to do with them. He says he considers himself a Christian, but once when my mom told him all about this Church sermon we heard that was discouraging racism and encouraging tolerance and unity between different races, all he had to say was, "Birds of a feather flock together" followed by a discussion about why he doesn't like black people.
He acts like he just doesn't understand white people who become friends with black people, but one thing he really hates and finds immoral is interracial couples. He boycotts TV shows with interracial couples on it and products that use such couples in their advertisements.
Now I have a problem. My darling son, Ewan is engaged to an African American girl named Jordan. Jordan is an angel. Coincidentally, she's related to the aforementioned counselor who changed my life. All I've ever wanted for my darling children when it came to marriage is to find someone who they were compatible with, who they loved more than anyone else in the world, who loved them every bit as much, who made them immensely happy, and who treated them well. Jordan has all of those qualities and more that I love about her. But we're all scared to death of my granddad finding out.
So far, we've all hidden it from him, but it hasn't been easy. My son, Dan (who Ewan is very close to) and I have talked about this and cannot figure out the best way to deal with this. We can't figure out who all should tell my granddad and who all should be there when he is told. My son, Jude thinks the whole family (including Jordan) should be there to help Ewan tell him and defend him and Jordan if my granddad flips out on them. My daughter, Lexi thinks Jordan should not be there or even know it's happening. My niece, Avery thinks Ewan should tell him alone and finally, my niece, Collins thinks no one should tell him.
This might sound cowardly, but I'm almost wondering if Collins is right. It's extremely unlikely that he will be in good enough help to make it to the wedding and, not to sound insensitive, but it's not likely that he had that much longer to live. I feel like I'm digging myself a deeper hole, but honestly, it may be possible that he'll never find out about this. My granddad has congestive heart failure and I'm seriously a little scared of what it might do to his heart if he finds out that his great grandson is engaged to an African American woman. I a little worried that it may literally kill him.
What do you think? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Or Ewan's?
Given your grandfathers age and health plus the fact he would probably not attend the wedding anyway or other family events. I would not tell him until after they are married and then say something to the affect that a job ha taken them out of the area. If he asks why he wasn't told sooner just say they eloped. Had gone to Vegas on vacation and well things happen.
They are little white lies that won't cause him to go into cardiac arrest. One thing I do suggest is you make it plain to Jordon that the rest of the family does not feel as you granddad does.
Hi,
Now this might sound a little bit of a silly question but I gotta ask. Is it important to be friends with a girl before he starts to have a proper relationship or is he just casually wanting to get to know her better first and looking to have a possiblity of starting of something? Says we're friends a 'lot' a 'lot' but I say we've only known for a weeks. Very lovely boy though. Both are at uni.
I don't think this is a silly question. Truth is it is the question not asked that is the silly one for then you don't have an answer to something you question.
My thoughts on your question are. You start out as two strangers in any relationship. In order to move that relationship forward you have to get to know one another and become at the very least friends. Once you are friends then the two of you can discuss and decide in what direction you wish to take your friendship.
In the case of a romantic relationship things that you need to learn are how compatible you are as a couple. The more things you like as a couple the more stable a romantic relationship will be. In the things that are individual likes can you learn to like the others or at the very least tolerate them so they can be enjoyed as a couple.
This is why you get to know someone first, be come friends then a couple and enter a relationship if you two are a good fit.
17/female/south african
Im in a really small school with only 13 people in a class. In grade 8 we got a teacher and we were her first class ( so she was 24 and is 26 now) and me and her became really close. She told me a few times im like the little sister she never had and she helped me through so much like breakups or just being there for me when i cried and she knew stuff not even my friends know (like molest and when i use to cut and stuff). She was my teacher for 2 and a half years then middle last year she moved to a different continent but we kept in contact and is now back here visiting for her wedding. She visited my school today but i wasnt able to talk to her as she was busy with other teachers and i had my friends and i didnt wanna be annoying because i knew shed wanna catch up with her friends. So i said hi and bye and she asked how im holding up. But i kinda feel bad now for incase it seemed like i didnt wanna talk to her. I really wanna catch up and talk so i wanna message her and ask if we can go for coffee sometime as im on school holiday after today and she only leaves in august. But will it be weird if i ask since she was my teacher?
Ps: shes the same age as my older sister so im used to being around older people
Since she is no longer your teacher there is no reason why you cannot be friends normal social engagements for people of your ages. You say she is about the same age as your older sister is. So anything you might do with your older sister would be acceptable to ask to do with her.
The only time having a social interaction of any type with a teacher is when they are still your teacher or teaching at your school. Even if you were 18 and considered an adult under the law. The fact that having a social integration with a teacher who instructs you or is in your school is wrong is because they are in a position of influence over you. This teacher no longer teacher in your school or area she has no influence over you. She is no different then say a neighbor would be. So go ahead and ask her to have coffee.
I have a friend who lost her great grandmother last week, she is so sad and I don't know what to tell her, I have no great grandparents at all, but I did lose all 3 of my grandfathers, 1 I didn't even know, and the other 2 I did.
I don't want to see her upset any more, but I don't know how to talk to her to make her fell better,when I lost my last grandfather it, felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest, but I just don't know what to tell her!! Please help!!
Dragonflymagic is correct in what they wrote. The most important thing you can do for your friend is be their for her. Lend her your shoulder to cry on when needed. The only thing any one can say to anyone grieving over a death is, "I/m sorry for your loss.
Just as you grieved when you lost your grandfather so must she. Everyone grieves in their own way and in their own time. Though we all go through the five different stages of grief.
If she wants to talk about her great grandfather let her. That's her way of grieving. sit and listen that is all she is asking she is not expecting a reply she just needs to talk about him/ Many people would try to change the subject, do not do that. Let her talk and just be supportive.
Did anyone else have a boring parent but still love them? It sounds like a silly question. I guess what I mean is have a good relationship with them.
Define boring. Do you mean parents that commute to work all day at 9-5 jobs . Then come home and make dinner, supervise homework, give baths to younger children, make lunches for the next school day and other things like that. On Saturdays laundry is done, grocery shopping is do as well as other errands as well as other family care as needed. Then on Sunday they hope to maybe sleep in some before breakfast has to made and with luck they can relax that day or maybe go to some family engagement they would rather not but must. Going to the beach,amusement parks or other fun things just don't happen on a regular basis.
If this is what you mean by boring parents then welcome to the club. Between working a job and taking care of the home and family; paying bills and all the other things that go in to keeping a home. Some parents are just warn out and possibly out of funds to go our and enjoy some of the other things you would like to do.
Until I retired I really didn't realize how much it actually cost me to go to work or for my wife to go to a job. The reason for this are these bill sneak up on you slowly and work their way into the budget. Then comes child day care and related doctor bills for the child. Kids need clothes and shoes and they grow like weeds and the clothes and shoes have to be replaced. They become teenagers and their needs increase and then their is college. Then they marry and you pay off all the bills and retire and suddenly you find your cash happy even though your probably bringing in less money. This is the cycle of family life and it can be boring for the middle class while they raise their families.
If you want more family time out of the house and you are old enough which I assume you are then pitch in and pick up some of the chores that tie mom and dad to house on weekends. Do the laundry one day a week or more as needed after school and now that school is out in the morning before you go off with friends. Learn to cook the meals mom makes and have dinner ready when mom and dad come home. While the laundry is in the washing machine go through the house and straighten things up and dust.
Yes it sounds like I am asking a lot of you but right now with no school you have time on your hands to do things. The things that make your parents boring in my estimation because these are the things they must do to keep a clean and healthy home for you and any siblings you may have.
If I'm wrong as to why you see your parents as boring then write and tell me why and maybe I can make some suggestions to make them less boring or help you understand why they are the way they are . You can do so in a private message to me.
How do I musterbet
First you should learn to spell the word correctly. The word is Masturbate and it is meant to sexually self-pleasure oneself to orgasm.
TO instruct you which I would gladly do, if I knew you age and sex. You have not supplied that information which is important. The reason for age is; if you have not gone through puberty you can still masturbate but obtaining orgasmic pleasure may be doubtful as your body has not yet released the chemicals that make that happen. As for your sex well that is simple; girls and boys masturbate differently.
You can find this on your own by typing into your search engine "hoe do boys or girls, whichever you are, masturbate." You will get a number of returns in almost tutorial form as to how to do so.
Masturbation is a very private thing and should be done someplace private where you are comfortable and will not be disturb. In your bedroom where you can lock the door or in the privacy of your bath and shower.
Contrary to what parents and religious leaders may say there is nothing wrong or sinful about masturbation. According to a recent survey about 85% of teenagers and adults masturbate. This would include your parents who most likely enjoy mutual masturbation as part of foreplay prior to intercourse.
There are many reasons for doing so in private. The main reason is for comfort, not being disturb so you can relax and enjoy the release of the sexual frustrations you may be feeling.
I hope this has helped
Does a girl get pregnant if she is fingered and kisses in vagina
If the question you asked was a serious one then you need to have a serious talk with your mom about the facts of life and how babies are made. You should not be letting a boy anywhere near your vagina with his mouth or fingers until you understand just how you can become pregnant and what besides abstinences can be done to keep from getting pregnant.
If for some reason you mom or dad will not talk to you about the facts of life and you did not have the course in school and you are 14 or older. Then you can go to any clinic or doctor of your choosing and ask them to explain it to you. At 14 a law called HIPPA allows you to see any doctor for any reason relating to your reproductive system without parental permission or knowledge of why you saw the doctor. The visit is totally confidential.
If you are younger than 14, which I suspect is true then I also suspect the boy is much older then you as well. You should not be undressing and letting him anywhere near your vagina with his fingers or lips. For if you do he will then want to put his penis in your vagina and that is how the sperm gets in to make you pregnant.
Hi 18/F .. I had intercourse with my bf. We used a condom, but he looked a bit unhandy with it. It was about 2 days after my ovulation. And I still have a week untill my next period. I have pain near my kidneys but I didn't notice any change in my breasts. It's been a week since we had intercourse and I know it's too early for a test, but it's driving me crazy. Please help me..
AskGigglz is correct about missing your period due to stress. More women, especially teenage women, miss periods over stressing about being pregnant then actually being pregnant.
As long as the reservoir tip hung of the end and was not torn and did not show any signs of leakage the condom most likely did its job. You also say you were two days past ovulation. This is also in your favor as sperm can only fertilize an egg for three days before ovulation and 3 days after. The more days after the less likely of impregnation.
Most home test kits can be used 10 days after the intercourse. The plan B pill Has been found to be somewhat effective up to 7 days after intercourse While I do not believe you are pregnant if you are not a full 7 days since intercourse go ahead and get the plan B it can only help you.
You are 18 now legally and adult and no longer in need of parental permission to see a doctor nor can your parents be told of any medical advice or treatment you may seek from a doctor without your written consent. You are also legally entitled to a sex life should you want one. IF you are going to have a sex life and wish to avoid the perils of pregnancy for now then do the responsible thing for yourself and see your GYN for a form of birth control that is right for you.
You partners should continue to use a condom regardless of whether or not you are on birth control. Condoms are not only effective as birth control they also protect from many of the STD and the HIV?AIDS virus. Until you are in a long term monogamous relationship and you both have been tested always insist your partner use a condom. It is your health at stake.