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Confusedand hurt post.
Hi ! how are you? thanks so much for replying back to my post, it did help me. I know who you are and i have had advicenators for a while, so i know that your own of the great advice columnists. Thats why i chose to write you here to finish off a few things i need your help about aswell. Thing is, ive had a hard life. Always worked for what i wanted and was never spoiled, never lazy, i couldnt afford to be. I always dreamed to marry someone that was financially stable, i could love and have a good connection with and that loved me. He is not completely lazy, but i just don't see that he has a future. He doesn't have a vision on what he wants in life-- nor does he have a plan. And even though i want him to know I know that hes still kind of young, which is normal for a lot of guys his age.. its just about what I prefer because of everything ive been through. I have loved and been broken a lot in my life, not only by my dad but from many men and i feel like i should be selfish this time, so that i don't regret it in the future. This guy that i have history with for 6 years, we are always coming back and fourth with one another, we always believed we were meant to be. But i do love my boyfriend and cant imagine breaking up with him and leaving him. I feel like it would kill him and apart of me is more afraid of his reaction than the actual break up. I feel like apart of me would be missing if we broke up, and i would be completely depressed because he truly is the best ive ever had, but i can't shake off the feeling of not feeling compatible and not sharing the same beliefs or goals in life.. I feel like staying with him would just prolong the process but i truly truly am so attached and share so much with him that it feels impossible to leave. I feel like he would never forgive me, and i would end up regretting it, even if it was the right choice. I am really fucked up in my head (sorry for my language) but that is how i really feel. I feel so confused, so lost. I feel like i just want to be alone-- but i can't do that to him either, things would never be the same. I don't know what i want anymore and im not sure i will anytime soon. What i wanted to do is to go se the rich guy, we don't see eachother very often except when it comes to family gatherings, and all of this talk about us was via phone and text. I feel like seeing him will help me make a better decision and would make me know what i truly want (I do not consider this cheating because I wont be doing anything wrong or out of my limits, I believe i am 22 years old and I should keep my options opened even if i do love someone and am with them) because even though I love him, im not sure were meant to be together. Which is crazy to me because I have never in my life understood that concept until right now. Either way, i will not get married right now or take the proposal, but i do wanna go talk to him and make him understand how i am feeling and tell him that if he truly cared for me, he would still want me a year from now seeing how I feel the same way he does but my circumstances are just crap. Anyone who read this will find me ridiculous, maybe i am.. but this is how i feel and i can't help it, and i can't feel guilty anymore because its not my fault =( I feel like i can't be with or without both and its really killing me, i wish i knew what i wanted. I don't want to lose the guy ive known for 6 years for a relationship im not sure will ever work out, but i dont wanna leave my boyfriend because im scared ill regret it because of all these feelings I have for him and all the promises we made for eachother.
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This medium is not the proper medium to give you the support and help you need. Your young and confused which is not bad at all except for the fact that you are way to hard on yourself and your feelings for others.
It is really hard for me based on a few lines of writing to say drop him and go with the other buy. I will say that Mr. Lazy at his current age should have a better idea of what he plans to do in life or he may never know.
I gave you some advice as to how to help yourself make the decision I believe you already now the answer too. Mr. Rich may not be right either that is why you need to actually date and build a relationship before accepting or rejecting his proposal of marriage.
The only advice I can give you is to contact a psychologist for some talk therapy one on one. We can't have that type of conversation over this forum. One on one with a trained therapist can help you better understand the confusion and difficulty you are having. Even better it is as confidential as this forum as nothing said in therapy leaves the room it is said in.
I truly believe you will benefit from talk therapy provided you go into it with an open mind and listen to the help offered. You are young there is plenty of time before you need to settle down and have a family if that is your plan. Both of these men may be wrong for you I can't say. You need time to play the field and find your ideal mate. Your 22 so I would say you have at least 6 years minimum before you need to get serious about settling down. Have some fun first life is short. Once the children come along they come first and everything else in life is 2nd and last.
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