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Cruel to Animals?
Lets start my saying that I don't identify myself as crazy or a sadist or anything like that, and being called that really hurts. When I try to get help from people about this I hear crazy quite a lot. I have two pet cats that I adore! I'm great with cats and usually become friends with one in a very short amount of time. Sometimes though, I get a little out of hand. My older cat doesn't like to be held. Sometimes when she makes me mad I'll hold her until she starts crying. If they don't eat their new food and then complain about being hungry my meowing really loudly and begging for table food, I'll hold their heads over the bowl until they eat and get used to it. If they make me really angry I'll pull their tails, or back them into corners. One time when I was really little I held them my their tails, until my mom screamed at me to put them down. I never did anything like that to tem since then, only the stuff I mentioned before. But when I do it, my heart feels funny. Like when you get a complamint from someone you admire. I really don't like what I'm doing, but sometimes I just lose control. I really don't want to talk to anyone about this, I'd rather deal with it on my own, but if I must, I'll try. These situations don't happen often, only about every month or less, and never to anyone else's cat, only mine. After an incident happens I feel extremely guilty. I'll give them treats, catnip, play with them, and pet them. Why do I do this, is there something wrong with me, am I really crazy?
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I'm neither a psychologist nor psychiatrist so I really can’t say if there is anything wrong other than this does not sound like normal behavior to me. I do believe you do need to speak to a professional about this behavior before it turns into something else. There is a reason, possibly deep seated as to why you do it. Once you find out what that reason is it can be dealt with properly and you can stop doing this.
The first person you need to talk to is your mom or dad. Realize this is going to be a hard conversation to have. It is a conversation you don't want to tell and your parents don't want to hear but it must be said.
One way to have this conversation and to make sure you get to say everything you need to say to write it all down in a letter. Ask mom or dad to sit down with you that you need to have a serious conversation with them. Hand them the letter and ask them to read it fully then you would like to discuss it with them. The end of the letter you ask for help by asking them to arrange for you to see a psychologist or psychiatrist.
You also need to see your family doctor for a full and complete physical including being screened for depression. This will be asked for by either of the other two doctors so you may as well start with your own doctor and rule out any organic causes for why you act this way.
I'm sure mom or dad doesn’t realize what you are doing when you annoy the cats and they start screaming. Cats more than dogs will not put up with being fussed with as they are very independent animals. I'm fairly certain mom does not investigate what you are doing to make the cats scream. I'm just as certain this will come as a shock to her but I do not think she will yell at you or punish you.
I believe you have a good mom and when she reads your letter she may cry a bit but then she will move heaven and earth to get you the help you need. So don't delay; write the letter today. Make sure you get everything in the letter you need to say then ask for your parents or just mom to sit down with you.
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Life is nothing but a school in which you pass thru 'grade levels' as you learn and mature. i am not talking about elementary, middle or HS. I am talking of the school of life. So granted, there will be those of us as souls who are less mature and have learned less than us or those who have learned more.
There are probably going to be things that right now you and I agree on and things that we don't as you may not have progressed to the level I am at on some things.
I am glad to see you've written in concerning this and its a hopeful sign that you feel guilty sometimes. Hate to bring in the church here in case you don't follow it, but there is a saying that applies, "God hates the sin but not the sinner'. If that is so, how can I do less. Yes, I feel there is a better way to handle your cats. I'll bet that you will agree that bullying is wrong if another person is forcing you to do something you don't want. I will agree with you on this though, when it comes to cats and dogs as pets, it can be very frustrating understanding them and knowing how to modify their behavior in ways that the animal chooses to do what you're hoping they will do. I also have never studied how to communicate with animals. I hope that growing up, your parents didn't force feed you if you refused to eat your dinner or Mom giving you long hugs and wet kisses right in front of your friends, embarrassing you and refusing to let you go until you actually hugged and hissed her back. This is as close as I can come to giving you a situation to think about if roles were reversed and you were feeling what your cat is feeling. So right off thats my first advice, put yourself in the other persons, or animals place. Inagine what its like for them by being them even if only in your imagination. This helps a person to have empathy, to be kinder, etc
Second, look for books and you tube videos on how to understand cats and how they communicate. I know from experience that cats and dogs will act as if they know what you are saying but they pick up on the pictures in your mind that accompany the words, mental telepathy. You've heard of the dog whisperer and now there is someone who does the same with cats. In all those shows, its rarely the pet that is a troublesome animal but the human who needs to learn how to treat the animal and how to communicate with it. So if books or videos don't help you, you might want to ask for professional help from a person who does this for a living.
If you find that after all this, you still feel yourself losing control and feeling angry enough to use force, then you may want to check in with a human professional, not for the pet but for you as there may be an anger issue. If you do, that's not strange at all. Anger comes about for many if they simply think thoughts that lead them toward anger, often distorted, untrue thoughts. Hey, all humans have these kinds of thoughts and dismiss them. But some of us will hold on to and dwell on them, the emotion growing, so in this case anger and frustration. I can't know what your thoughts are that lead up to these events but if this is going on at all, then like many others of us, you may need to talk to a professional and get anger management help. I do not see this as simply a cat issue. If what causes you to break down and treat them forcefully isn't dealt with, whether its training and learning for you or counseling for you, then this kind of thing can spread into other areas of life later with humans and cause problems there. There are men who treat women like this and they are considered abusive. HOwever, I had a past husband like that and he had no remorse and didn't feel any guilt. You do. so I know there is hope for you hon. Just know that this is not a good way to treat your pets and yes, animal lovers will label you as abusive. Don't let that s top you from seeking knowledge so that your future with your pets can be a more enjoyable one.
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