Dragonflymagic's advice column | Page 201

home view feedback ask questions add as friend advicenators

Gender:

Female

Location:

Washington state

Occupation:

Retired

Age:

64

Member Since:

April 24, 2013

Answers:

7093

Last Update:

October 11, 2025

Visitors:

129409

Favorite Columnists

solidadvice4teens

kittenlover2000

Main Categories:

General Sex Questions

about

Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I got all black converse {the ones with black shoelaces and black "soles" (if that's what there called)}, and I want to wear them but I don't want to have to wear strictly black or white when I wear them. So basically my question is: How to I wear different colors with all black converse and still match?

Black is considered a neutral 'color' that will go with any other color.
Black is the absence of color (and is therefore not a color technically)
When there is no light, everything is black. Test this out by going into a photographic dark room. There are no photons of light. In other words, there are no photons of colors.

Other colors considered neutral are white and beiges. But white and beige can have undertones of other colors giving a more pinkish, or yellowed cast which can make it appear to not go along with other colors.

White is the blending of all colors and is a color.
Light appears colorless or white. Sunlight is white light that is composed of all the colors of the spectrum. A rainbow is proof. You can't see the colors of sunlight except when atmospheric conditions bend the light rays and create a rainbow. You can also use a prism to demonstrate this.
A woman who like to have everything match in color, dress, shoes, purse, nail color, need to be well to do financially to afford ever color of shoe. For those of us who can't afford but a couple pairs of shoes, since black is absence of color, it can not clash but neither is it a matching color.
I think a bigger concern regarding a pair of black footwear is that the style goes along with what you are wearing. For example, converse won't look good to go along with a suit or tux or evening gown or party dress because you are attempting to match casual with formal. Other than that, don't worry about it.

Hey. Thanks for your valuable advice again. Your notes helps me to think logically. Again I have something very important to discuss with you regarding the same topic you answered me. Its very important for me to tell you as it will change the elements in topic a bit. Can I please ask for other way of contacting you ? Eg: email, facebbok or anything. I really want to short this problem out before I do something wrong. I don't want to hurt anyone just want to end it correctly. Thanks in advance.

No, no other way to contact. Just on here.

im in my late 40's im dating a great man. we both have kids mine are both over 18 but live home..his kids are both under 8 so we seem to be at different points in our lives..he is a very hands on involved parent which i love but, we have been dating for a yr he is a good man.. but seems to be very limited with time between his young kids and work ( he works evenings & weekends) we seem to make it work but i feel some days we barely make it work. some days i feel i need more out of a relationship.the limited time we do spend together we really click and get along great.. how do i make this work or do i move on..

Lets look at it this way...what if he had not met you? What on earth would he be doing right now with children under age 8, some in school whose schedule must be 'awake during day, asleep at night and home on weekends?' when his schedule is the total opposite? Did he pay for a live in nanny before?
If he couldn't afford a nanny, he would have been forced to find a job with different hours and his weekends free. You didn't say if his is the only income or whether you work too. I understand people having to work more hours just to make ends meet. What I don't know is if you are caring for his non school age kids during the day or whether they are in daycare, whether you get off work in time to care for his school age kids after school.
Of course I am assuming since you didn't specify if he has joint custody or full that it is full custody. Even if he only had his kids every other weekend and he works weekends, that leaves the kids needing someone to watch them part of that time. I am trying to figure out the logistics and have a suspicion that I am lacking enough data to even come to any good conclusion. Off the top of my head comes the gut reaction that many people would have, "Oh, he's a workaholic, married to his job and that's probably what broke up the first marriage. Not a good choice for relationship." OR "With his crazy schedule and recently widowed or divorced with full custody, he needed someone to look after his kids, couldn't afford a nanny and so the next best thing was to find himself a girlfriend, another mate to take care of that for him.
If his schedule was temporary and he could move to days later or if he has a choice, he needs to be on the same wake/sleep schedule as the rest of the household for this to really work. I know it sounds shallow to say you should move on if he's the right guy for you. But how can you be certain if you don't have time to spend together. Part time companionship is one thing, if you are willing to continue with this as is, no change.
Otherwise, it sounds to me like he has to be willing to do whatever it takes to be able to put time into a relationship with you and his kids.
Understand with young kids, a 2nd time relationship means his kids will always come first over you as most people would do in this situation. Doesn't mean it's the best thing. Once his kids are of age or out of house, what are the two of you left with if you had little time to put into nurturing the relationship.
A seedling can die too easily without nurturing care from the gardener. Same with a love relationship. It takes time put in to it. Which you don't have so theres a possibility that it can break up in future.
Happily ever after doesnt happen just because you wish it so. It takes both parties putting in maximum effort to make it so. However time is needed to have the ability to put in maximum effect. Hope this helps you make a decision.

I'm a 15 year old female and my boyfriend has popped my cherry will this affect the way I have sex or get fingered again ? And will the cherry get back to normal .

Everyones said what needs to be said, however i feel a good visual prop will help you understand what the hymen is like. So what the following video by You tube user Laci Green, and while you're at it, maybe check out more of hers geared at teaching teens/college age regarding sex, gender and relationship subjects

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9qFojO8WkpA

So as you adviced, I would like to provide you more information so that you can guide me properly. As you said she will be mature within a decade or so but she's already 30. You are right she was irresponsible that's why she ended up sleeping with a committed black guy and obviously the excuse is I was drunk and I was younge. When she got pregnant she was 19 and the guy was 24 years old. She also list her virginity at 13. She said she only had 2 boyfriends one for few weeks and the other one when she was 18 for six months. She ended having sex with married guys and married businessman. There are other incidents also which are bit complicated to expbsin that's why I asked you for your email address but anyways my concern is she loves me which I can tell and I love her too but the thing bugging me is that she's lieing to me and hiding things and I'm more worried about she cheat me cause if someone is from this kind of nature how much are the possibility that she will not end up sleeping with a co worker or some old fwb friends or neighbors? I'm still worried. Idk.

You have good reason to be worried. An occurance once or twice until a person gets it right and stops doing something undesireable or morally wrong is understandable. Humans make mistakes and sometimes several times before they improve their character IF they are in the mode of really wanting to improve. With what you have said of this gal, having sex with married men, that shows a long standing history of this behavior and is basically showing her true character. What you are seeing is who she is at core, deep within. All of us have characters made up deep within of certain values, morals, beliefs, etc which is like the rudder in a boat, determining where it will go. Same with people, that which lies within them of things like morals and values are the rudder that determines the outcomes of what they do and their choices in life. It's not like a person getting a bum deal and being born with these undesirable virtues at core, some may be shaped by what we see in family growing up but for the most part, we choose our own virtues at core. since she started at 13, it could be she is addicted to sex and can't get enough. It's a real addiction and Drs call it Hypersexuality. Here's a link describing what it is and what may lie behind it. Scary part is there were a couple referances to mental disorders, bi polar, OCD...

So, unless she see's what she is doing as an addiction as well as not morally right to do, she will not change as the desire to change must come from within and in our lifetimes, humans rarely change much for the improvement if at all as change is scary for all of us. We tend to make small changes, but nothing on a grand scale as this girl needs.
If she's only had 2 boyfriends in her 30 yrs, but countless lovers, it's easy to see what traps her attention and desire.

You say what is really bugging you is her lying. Thats the only thing. I think you may be lacking some perspective and should be worried about "how" she loves you. When you say you know she loves you...that may well be true. But the kind of love that makes a person "IN LOVE" with one person to the point of being inseperable, is not the same kind of love many people are talking about regarding their partner. I love pizza. But I am not going to 'marry' pizza. Pizza takes care of a need (for nourishment) and desire (for a particular tasting food) in me. People use the word love to describe things they like for some reason, personal taste and there is a lack of depth to that kind of love. For example, I lived 2 yrs in a remote community where there was no pizza places let alone fast food places, just one family run restaurant with 'no pizza'. As much as I love pizza, I didn't get any for two years but I wasn't miserable, feeling unable to go on because the pizza I love isn't there. Let me push the point further if you're not getting my drift.
Personal example: First marriage was 30 yrs before I left. He said he was sorry but he did the same things over and over, verbal abuse. It took its toll on me physically instead of mentally. I still had my self esteem but suffered headaches, migraines, stomach ulcers, etc. At the end, after a really bad experience in which he also verbally hurt our close friends, one being a former counselor, the guy asked my husband if he was in love with me. Hubby tried to direct attention away from himself by complaining about my 'horrible traits' that no one could possibly love (all made up) When asked again, he knew he had to give an answer and said he loved me for being the mother of his children. Another dodge. When asked a 3rd time, he finally admitted, I have never been IN LOVE with her. First thought I had was, well that explains a lot of things about his behavior and how he treated me.

So if you are willing to settle for less, meaning someone who loves you no stronger than a favorite flavor of icecream, and you are not a top priority in her life, all her lovers are instead, then go for it. If you want a woman who can love you for who you are, have no interest in any other man, who is IN LOVE with you, I highly doubt she is it. When a person with problems realize it may soon become obvious to others that there is something really wrong with them that makes it imperative they seek professional mental help, they try to hide it, trying to either take focus off themselves by putting at others problems or build a facade to hide behind in hopes it makes them look more normal, and that would include using you as a front, 'see,
I have a boyfriend so I am as normal as the next girl. I don't run around with married men." If she truly IS doing this, it may not be a conscious plan, it can very easily be her subconscious mind doing this and often is with people who have some kind of addiction or mental illness. Think hard about this love you believe you feel for her. There may be some things about her you like. If you had to write me a list of all the things you need and want in a woman, I'll bet there are a lot of things she's doing that would not be on that list. On a list of lets say 8 to 10 most important qualities in finding the kind of woman you can be in love with for the rest of your life, does she meet 2 or 3 of them? Maybe she actually meets 5 or 6, Cool. But anything less than your 8 or 10 is NOT a match.

I teach this to females who write me to make a list of needs and wants. Needs are a deal breaker is she doesnt meet it. A good example from my life, when my angels told me to make a list to aid in finding my 2nd husband, I realized from being sexually mismatched the first marriage, that I wanted someone whose libido matched mine and other sexual likes are the same. If he couldnt meet that and want only me, he was out.

I wanted someone okay with a free spirit as far as spirituality...being on my own path after christianity (sorry if I offend you on this-just my example) and met a few Christians who said they wanted to date me, so the first thing I made sure to mention is what some of the points on my list were, including this one. They moved away from me quickly as if I were a rattlesnake and called me a heathen. Hahaha. I actually found it funny. But it wouldn't have been funny if I had dated him a month and started falling for him only to find we were a terrible mismatch spiritually with a situation in which there was no compromise.
Another such thing is if the man never wants children and the woman does, there is no compromise. So think long and hard about what you are really looking for in a female to have long term in your life. Feelings will develop after a while even in the most imperfect or even abusive relationship. And we choose to not break up because we hear the heart ache of the process of breaking up when that is a temporary thing that will fade in time, and choose instead to stay in a situation that will deliver in our lifetime way more hurt and pain than a mere break up will.

http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=495433 has my name in it and showed up when I googled myself. I don't like my name being on the internet and was wondering if it would be possible for you to delete it. Thanks

Your previously question was dated June 4, 2007.
I highly doubt that anyone here has time to go back to 2007 to happen across your question with your name in it. The advice givers barely have enough time sometimes to get to all of the current questions as they come in on a daily basis. If thats the only time you put in your name, I am sure no will will see it other than clicking on the link you just gave us.
If you are that concerned about it still, I would suggest you write your question again but directly to advicegiver DangerNerd as he is the one who created this site and most likely to know how your request can be done if at all possible.
Good luck.

Hi there,boy Im in hot water.
This guy I like likes looking at other women.We followed each other on Instagram.And every time I log in,it shows me what people I follow liked pictures,and how many. Well,about 90% of his posts are all sexy and suggestive photos,I was sick of seeing crap! Especially when he has me to stare at.I have brought this up many times.So I told him I wasnt sending him anymore photos to his phone.
I said ''you get sexy photos for free,and see them all the time why should I bother? Just the last straw''
And he responded ''Oh my god...you're right.This is the last straw''
And then I said''Dont be upset'' And sent some other messages
And he said ''I'm not talking to you right now. Stop blowing up my phone''
He unfollowed and blocked me on his Instagram.

So,how bad is this? Os he leaving me? Am I ever going to hear from him again? Or did I jut blow it? Anything? Is there anything I can do?
Or is it a done deal? I said I was sorry. And I am.I love him very much.
So,is it over,and does he need his space?

Sometimes, women fall in love with a guy who isn't deserving of their love or anyone elses. In other words, there is something about his character where he is greatly lacking that he does not makes great relationship material.
And think about it, what are you really sorry for when you said "i'm sorry"??? Are you sorry you made him upset? angry? You Probably Are. Is there another way you could have made your stand/your point without making him angry. I don't think so.
You see, relationships need boundaries set. In an offhand way you were attempting that without having a talk and both of you agreeing to any at the beginning. Its not too late for that. But if he upsets that easily when you make a stand, make a choice (not sending him pics anymore) that doesn't go along with his ideals of having the freedom to purposely seek out free sexy photos of women, ogle as many as he likes and try to have some of them as girlfriends, whether at the same time or one at a time, he is being an immature young man...much like a kid in a candy shop.
When you said, Don't be upset and sent other messages meant to soothe him, all you accomplished was sending a message that, "It's okay if you seek out other women for friendship so you can get their photo's and I will be okay with that. I just might give you pics of me again to, just as long as you will love me and not break up with me.
If you haven't figured it out, this is like when a mom is shopping with her child. The child wants a sugary cereal and when mom says no, the child throws a fit in the middle of the store, saying things like I hate you. You're mean. I wish you weren't my mommy." The mother panics and wants her child to love her so she lets him have his way and the message she sends is that there are no rules or boundaries and she will always let him have his way as long as the kid loves his mom. The child grows up to become an impossible to handle brat.
Girls do this with guys. They inadvertantly (meaning they didn't mean to) train a male to not have any respect for the female they are dating. They are trained to know they can get away with anything really bad as long as they pretend to love the girl or say I love you every once in a while.
Honey, there's a lot yet to learn, and one of those things to learn is that this is not Love. You were suiting his purposes for free sexy pics whenever he wants cus he wants them to masturbate to. There is no other reason for a man to want sexy pics of women other than his lady.

I will say though in defense of men, that just like women, we may choose to be with and love just one person but that doesnt mean we don't still have eyes in our head that may see and glance at a cute woman or hot looking guy in public. If we didn't look at the opposite sex, it could mean we are gay. So if you are hetero- sexual, you actually do want a man who is aroused by females. He can look, but not touch or daily chat with like a close friend. Some interaction business wise is okay, even chatting with mutual female friends of yours.

The problem arises when the importance and priority he puts on ogling, chatting with, visiting other women, means you are no longer one of his top 3 priorities,(if you ever were). He is still in the shopping phase, and hasn't settled on one female yet, one for the rest of his life. It could be he doesn't know what he wants yet. All he knows is he just wants to have lots of fun without any responsibilities, especially not to just one girl.
I am sorry your heart got caught up with him. So it may be hard for you to see this, but you actually did the right thing. going back on what you said, sends the wrong message as I've explained. So if he ever does talk to you again, he will not treat you any better. My guess is things will get worse because of the unintentional message you sent him. He will look for any woman desperate for his attention and string along as many as he can. If you want to, you can be one of them. If he never gets back in touch with you despite what you did, acting desperate by immediately sending texts and saying you were sorry, then count your self lucky he's dropping you. Truly, there are better fish in the sea to go for.

Hey you answered my question. Thanks for you valuable response. I have couple of things to ask you. Can I ask for your email do that I can ask you some more personal questions for advice? Thank you in advance.

I rarely use email anymore, keeping in touch with family via FB chat so it can be weeks b4 I check. You'll see response faster on here.
If you write to me by going to my column, as you just did, I am the only one who will see your questions, none of the other advicegivers see it if you don't post as a general question. Only the general questions for any advicegiver to answer you, is one where I can see other advicegivers answers. So no worries there.

So I'm confused about my relationship. I've been dating this guy for about 2 months now, and I go back and forth on if he's truly that into me, or not. To begin with, he's older than me. I'm 18, he's 22, so there's automatically a lot of judgement that comes along with that, which might have to do with some of my concerns. Basically, he says he likes me, drives about a half hour both ways in order to see me, pays for everything when we go out, texts me almost daily, finds excuses to touch me, seems interested in learning about me, and came on a trip to Vermont with my family. However, he never asks to Skype or call anymore, hasn't told his parents about me, doesn't want to hang out at my house if my parents are there, I'm the one who asks to hangout (however I usually ask pretty far in advance), and doesn't want to make it official. My friends and family all refer to him as my boyfriend, but I don't know. I recently had sex with him and it was amazing, but I worry that I shouldn't have because we aren't technically official. He's said he's not messing around, but I still worry because he doesn't want to flat out say we're boyfriend and girlfriend. Am I being silly in my insecurities?

2 months may not be enough time for him to feel secure enough that he doesnt care what other people think.
He may be one of the males who do not like texting or calls and enjoys face to face much better. It doesnt mean he has any less interest in you. I don't know of many people who tell their parents who they are dating if its only been a short time. Dating is to find out if you're really into each other and there are no red flags. Just because your family has accepted him as your boyfriend doesn't mean others are going to want to know. Many relationships go a handful of mos. and break up, sometimes up to a yr before they break up. Perhaps he wants to be certain you both are meant for each other and will get to the point where you dont just like each other, or love each other, but wait until he's IN LOVe with you before telling others about you. Some guys are quiet and keep a lot of their thoughts and feelings to theirselves and doesnt necessarily mean they don't care about you. give it time. Later in the relationship, use this quiz to check if the guy loves you or not.

7 Questions to know if he really loves you

1. Does he say I love you. For some, it's a hard thing to say but they show it to you in other ways. When he says “I love you”, he is viewing that as a commitment to you. It is not a flippant phrase.
Saying I love you too early like during first couple dates is a warning about the guy. Its a very good chance he is needy and wanting a woman to be his mom. Other phrases from a guy count too, like you're awesome, I adore you. You're the woman I always dreamed of.
2. Does he make you a priority in his life? Guys have more than one priority...things very important to him but you should be one of top 3.
What he does for you or how he acts can't be faked easily because it's hard to lie with your body. Things he does without having to be asked, making dinner, picking up something for a collection you have, making time for you, even if it's a walk or a long phone chat. If the guy likes you, he'll make time for you at least a quarter of the time.
3 Does he tell friends about you and like to show you off? Have you been introduced to his family and friends? If he keeps you separate, he's hiding something or ashamed or fearful of something
4. Does he care about your pleasure during sex? Is he only into seeking his own pleasure or your's too. Does he open his eyes and want to have both your eyes connect while making love?
5. Does he respect and encourage you? Respect means, does he value your opinion, do you share decisions and treats you as a partner. Are you encouraged by him to have your own friends and hobbies outside the relationship and encourage you to seek your dreams and uphold you in that.
Jealousy is not love, it's control. It's okay to be protective, but jealousy shouldn't be what prompts the protectiveness
6. Do your friends and family like how he treats you? Others make a great gauge for judging a guys character.
7. Does he look at you with lust and passion in his eyes, with a hunger and thirst for you? Does he give you admiring looks, does he still want to sneak peeks down your shirt. What he sees is Very important since guys are visually stimulated. If he isn't looking anymore, he has lost his interest. All men because of this natural trait, will also view other women but do so discreetly, without being an ass about it. Don't expect a man to look at only you. If he doesn't look at other women at all, it may be a sign that he is gay. You do want a man who is visually stimulated by women.

How many points are true for you with your guy?
7 true He treats you as a Queen and he is an exceptional man
5-6 true He loves you. Just don't focus on what is lacking.
3-4 true He loves you enough to make the relationship work for him. If it's enough for you, then be content. If you feel like you're settling for less, let him go and look for something better.
1-2 true He's a douche-bag, a user or controller. Leave immediately.

theres a guy that i really really like and ive know him for 3 years but im not sure if i dhould ask if he likes me, or how to say it. we do kind of flirt but i font know if ne really likes someone like me.

While some guys might flirt for flirtings sake just cus its fun and not be into one girl, most will not flirt unless they are already interested to some degree.
I don't know how regularly you both talk or if you have each others cell numbers. If you haven't done anything in the 3 years conversation wise to get to know him better as a friend, then that is where you need to start.
Have a fun convo with him and at the end of it tell him you've always enjoyed talking with him and you'd like to switch cell numbers so you can do so more often. Then see where that leads you.

Or be more direct, if you have talked together a fair amountup til now, tell him that you enjoy his friendship, like the flirting and are beginning to develop stronger feelings for him and are wondering how he feels about you.

I just want to try to explain in the best way possible on why I was acting the way I was my night. It's just all of your qualities are perfection. Your outside beauty is just what every girl would die for in a guy. Every time I look at you, I imagine a thousand girls capturing you in the center of their circle telling you how much they want you and what they'd do to make you theirs. And they'd all fight over you. I don't just imagine that by how bright your smile is, how it can make anyone smile, or how your eyes are your own shade of that beautiful blue, or your perfect size in torso and arms, or your perfectly messy hair, but your personality too. They want your kindness, your obsessiveness, your optimism, your humor, your caring heart, but most of all, they want that pure happiness that you're able to give any girl. The reason why I want you to have the best things the world has to offer is because I love and care for you so fucking much, but mostly because you deserve all of those things. I love you enough that I'll let you go if there's something that you want that couldn't involve me. I've never been like that about any guy before, because I love YOU. Like I said, to me, your happiness is a million times more important than mine. I put your happiness before mine ALL OF THE TIME. And that's why I hate myself more when I'm extremely depressed, because I literally have no control over it, and I'll say things I probably don't even mean. But Jake, I know I'm suicidal. I've wanted to kill myself for four years now, and I was literally about to attempt again. But when you said if I couldn't live for myself, to live for you...I'll do that then if it makes you happy.

Sounds like you are in love dear. However, as someone much older who has seen alot in my time and even known people in your situation, I can say that you are in a very dangerous position.

Apparently this Jake character knows you fairly well and knows of your being depressed and suicidal.
If he said,"If you can't live for you, then be willing to at least live for me." he was trying to get it right and was getting close when he realized that just as you as right now, you are not ready for a loving relationship.

Hon, with your struggles, it means you are unable to be a 'whole' healthy person currently and it takes to whole people in a love relationship to make it work. He was as a non professional just trying what he thought might help, getting you to want to live to serve him.
That saying about someone being your better half is baloney. You can't live half a life and add a half of him to make yourself whole. If he were a half a person (for analogy sake, meaning something is holding them back from living their life strong and happy and healthy and whole) and gave all of his half self to you, there'd be nothing left of him for him. If he was a whole person, the one who wasn't would lean on the other like a crutch. And in effect, him being someone for somebody to lean on means he is enabling the weaker person to remain stuck where they are. I'd have to say he cares if he said what he said, but until your go see a Dr. to get help for your depression and suicidal thoughts, just getting together with him isn't going to solve things, nope, it's just a bomb waiting to explode and that explosion just might be you taking your life.
I want you to know that going to see a Dr. doesn't mean you are 'broken' or a 'reject' in humanity. It means that there are some things in your mind that don't work the same way it doesn't for others. A person born blind or mute is still a person but they need to find alternative ways to do the same things that seeing or speaking people do. You mind needs another way to help it function without depression and the medicines they give are made to simulate the ones most peoples bodies create naturally so you can be just as joyful and stress free as they are.
So I am voting for you going to see a Dr. dear, and perhaps if this young man really cares about you, he'd want to go with you, unless the DR. prefers you come alone. So look at it this way, he asked you to 'live for him' and in essence, going to see a Dr. for treatment so you can be able to handle life without depression is you living for him.

Here's the dangers dear and believe me, I understand this one fully. you said: I love you enough that I'll let you go if there's something that you want that couldn't involve me. I've never been like that about any guy before." The danger is you understand and want to do this with your conscious mind if it comes up but you have no idea what its really like. I was dating before I met my 2nd husband. Found a wonderful guy. We fell in love. Then his ex wanted him back and he decided since he had more history with her and grown kids with her, that he was willing to go back and work on their relationship again. I didn't fight for him, I was willing to let him go but I as a person who doesnt battle depression every day of my life, found myself devastated and I fell into depression, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, every thing I saw or heard throughout my day reminded me of him, My heart was pounding all day for the first four days, it felt like adreline faucet got stuck open and I have adreneline running thru me 24 hr a days. I finally decided I had to attempt to get a grip of myself and if I failed, go see a doctor. Being someone who usually didn't suffer depression I was able to beat it myself. You don't have that dear. Being already depressed, if you let him go if he wanted to in the future you wouldn't be able to handle the added depression that will normally come in such a situation and that will be enough for you to kill yourself. Or just think, anytime some girl comes along and flirts, you'll immediately feel inferior because of your depression, especially if they don't have it, and in making the comparisons mentally, you could so easily decide to end your life.
It would be such a loss, not just for all your loved ones but especially Jake. If you really love Jake, then you need to learn to love yourself first. The reason I say that is I had to learn the same in a bad 1st marriage. I had to learn to love myself. Don't know if you're religious or not but I must use one Bible verse paraphrased that talks about loving GOD, and loving your neighbor as yourself. I used to attend church. I know everyone focused on the love thy neighbor, meaning everyone else in your world including your sweetheart. But we overlooked the words "AS YOURSELF". It finally hit me that I can't love my neighbor to the best of my ability if I don't know how to love myself first. the way this works in imagining you as a garden hose. And love for yourself flowing is the water that flows. If there is a kink in the hose, what happens to the water? It is unable to flow from the hose to where you mean it to go, such as the kink in yourself that prevents you from fully loving Jake as he needs to be loved. I knew a woman like this. She loved her husband but when it came down to it, both he and she told me they felt there was alot held back as far as love because she had built up walls to protect her heart after an abusive childhood. these emotion wall also prevent the full amount of love going out for him to experience And so I wasn't surprised when she didn't want to go for counseling/professional help, and some time later, he divorced her due to not feeling fully loved because it was held back. I know this is more than you wanted to hear according to your initial question dear but with what you did write, I could not let it go unsaid. I hope this makes sense to you. If my advice here brings up more questions for you, feel free to go to my column and write me from there. I wish you the best. God Bless.

Today, I asked my friend to ask my crush out. When she did she told me he said no, but I asked her how he said it, she said he was really nervous. He kept saying um and he shut his locker really hard that he got his shirt caught in it and then said no and smiled. Is this a good thing to a bad thing? Does he like me, or just trying to be polite?

If he has shown any signs of interest like greeting you when he sees you and finding excuses to be near you often and talk to you, then there is interest for sure in you. IF he hasn't shown any signs due to being extremely shy, there is a chance as the other advicegiver said that he could like either one of you.

I remember in freshman year, a guy who liked me told his best friend to ask me to be his girlfriend. I told his best friend, tell him to ask me himself if that is really so. I never trusted one person passing on a message for another. Too easy for misinterpretations or misunderstanding or confusion...which is exactly the situation you find yourself in now, in reverse tho, girl asking the guy.

Basically, we are less nervous talking to someone of the opposite sex if it doesnt count with us, meaning that we don't have an attraction to or interest in the person. This is likely why you asked a friend to do the deed. This puts him in an awkward spot if he has a crush on your girlfriend but not you. He may have acted nervous because he likes your friend instead, but it still can mean he got nervous as he thought about going out with you because he really wants to.
But if he wants to, why would he say no?
Rough guesses:
Parents won't let him date until a certain older age
He doesn't feel personally ready to date, feels he doesn't know enough to keep your interest in him so he'd rather waith until he feels more self assured.
He may have said no simply because you didn't ask him yourself, same issue I had. His friend liked to pull jokes and could have been pretending all this just to piss his friend off. He could think your girlfriend was making it up just to tease him and play a trick on you. Or maybe as he's already shy, doesn't want another shy person who can't ask him, theirself.

He also may have said no, because he doesnt know if he'd be interested in you yet, if you two have never talked or interacted in any way at school. Some kids will date anyone just because they look hot. Others also want someone they have things in common with.
You could try asking him, yourself. Go for asking him to hang out as a friend rather than asking him to go on a date. Avoid using boyfriend or girlfriend words in your conversation. That alone might also have him wondering what you are expecting from him by agreeing to go out. Going out once or twice doesn't make him a boyfriend. But girls do put more importance on the fact a guy will go out with them, believing he has feelings for them, maybe even love, and these unknown expectations may have him scared to answer yes until he knows clearly what he is committing to. Dating is about spending time with someone you are attracted to, doing the research to discover if you both have things in common and if you really like each others character and personality. This is why some guys after a couple dates break it off and go to date someone else. Girls are heart broken cus they wanted to fall in love with and marry the first dude willing to go out with them. Yes, it is that bad in teen dating. I hear from plenty of teens and what they 'thought' about the 'relationship'. Guys are also terrified of making a girl cry or become angry so some don't venture out into dating for a while for that reason. So as I said, talk to him, show interest in him (if you haven't yet and its all been secret.) He'll need to be reassured you genuinely are attracted to him. Compliment him, talk at school to discover some thing you have in common. Approach him at school, hopefully when his buds are not around to tease him about it. Let him know you have enjoyed talking to him and want to chat more, can you trade cell numbers? If he isn't willing to trade numbers and call you, thats a sign he's just not into you cus even the shy people find it way easy to talk on the phone instead of in person. I suggest, leave off the texting for a while when the friendship is new and your'e still getting a handle on understanding each other cus with texting there is too much room for misunderstanding. Tho when you are confused, dont sit silent and wonder, ask what they meant when they said ..... or put it into your own words and ask if this is what they meant. If you do it in steps like this, he'll feel more comfortable with you as just a friend so when you ask him to go out with you, it'll be easy to say yes.

I'm 20, female, junior in college.
For my junior year, I decided to commute for a job that I got while I was home and to save money. For my senior year, my old roommate and I had planned to get an apartment and live together. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that commuting was the better option, especially since I want to work my way up at work and I can't do that if I don't work that much. I guess I never told my old roommate that I didn't make the payment to live on campus next year and she texted me today and said that we should plan a dinner for the girls we want to live with next year and I have no idea how I'm going to tell her that I'm commuting again. She has issues with her roommate this year and every time she would complain to me about her, I would always just tell her "next year, we'll be together again" and now we won't be and that's totally my fault, I know. But commuting is the better option for me living a half an hour away and having a job and probably looking to intern - I just don't see a reason to move back on to campus. So, I was just wondering an easy way to tell her that I just can't do it, that I'm commuting again and I'm sorry I'm a terrible friend for letting her down like that. Help, please. I know I'm probably being childish but I was never one that could easily let people down like that and I feel like her thinking that I was moving back on campus next year this whole time was building her hopes up and now I have to tell her that I'm not.

You have to do what makes the best sense for you and not get dragged off course by wanting to rescue others. thats what this would be, you live with her so she no longer need her current roommate. So if I understand correctly, you moving in with her means the other gal needs to move out? If so, why can't she find someone other than you to replace the other roommate and ask her to leave.

Also, nothing is your Fault. We can make plans for our future and half way there, come up with a better plan for us. Nothing in life is guaranteed, your friend needs to learn that too. You tell her you understand her need regarding having a good roommate to share rent but you are responsible for making the best decisions for yourself, and now that you've given it more thought, including thinking of her, you are going to commute instead as its best for you. You could tell her you are willing to sit with her and doing some thinking about solutions to her issue. Now if you wait until the last minute to tell her when she has no time to look for a new replacement, then you are being inconsiderate is the other girl has moved out, and she is left having to pay both shares of the rent assuming you were moving in. So tell her ASAP and then you won't be letting her down, whether she sees it as such or not. LIFE is full of the unexpected, one of who could have met the love of your life and moved in to set up house with him while going to college. The only way you are held responsible is if your a psychic who sees the future, knew this outcome ahead of time and failed to tell her. Of course she will be disappointed, you were preferrable to having anyone else there, but you can't protect anyone from lifes disappointments either. Part of being an adult is learning how to regroup and continue on when changes and disappointments come our way

Thank you for reading and advising!

When I was a child, too young to remember, I hit a golf ball with a hammer and it hit my sister in the tooth.

Now we are both around 40 years old and that tooth developed some problems and requires surgery. I'm not sure how much guilt/financial responsibility I should be feeling. I would appreiate some 3rd party advise. Thanks!

Sounds like you were just being kids, and this wasn't something you intended and planned to do to hurt your sister. All kids have stories of something stupid they did that hurt themselves or someone else or broke or damaged property. One of mine: girlfriend and I rode together on one banana seat bike down a steep hill but our added weight made it go faster and when we tried to brake in fear of the speed we were going, it flipped the bike throwing both of us. Luckily all we ended up with is lots of skinned knees, hands and elbows.

If the tooth was chipped or damaged in some way that family was aware of back then, why didn't the parents get it taken care of? Without having been seen by a dentist back then with a diagnosis, there is no way to connect it to what is going on today.
Is your sister coming to you, asking for money to get this surgery taken care of? If so, I don't think she should be. Most likely she has insurance that will cover it if it truly has problems and medical needs. If it's functional and more of an unneeded beautification thing, insurance most likely wont cover. If its not covered by insurance, then it is not a "required" step, this surgery, unless you left out a lot of info in your question.
I say you are not responsible for something you did as a kid. Wondering even why you would feel responsible at all? Did you two grow up with you raising your sister, bailing her out of trouble, being like a parent to her? If so, I can understand why you'd feel somewhat responsible having partly taken the job of raising a sibling, you may always feel responsible for anything that concerns her and her welfare. It would in that case be seen as a nice gesture for brother to be willing to pay for it, but thats silly if insurance will cover it, why then pay out of your pocket, taking a chunk of money out of your family budget, possibly causing temporary hardship there and resentment from the wife. Better check with the wife if you have one first if she's ok with you paying for it if you are still determined to do so even if un needed.

I'm so pissed that my gf is not the same as when I first met her. She displayed herself innocent and sweet, which she still does pretend. But I came to know about some stuff about her which she is been hiding since we are togther. We did had ground rules about not hiding anything when we started dating. She doesn't knows that I know the true stories behind the stories she tells me. She is a single mother. She got pregnant when she was drunk when she was 20 years old. Then she decided to keep the kid. I'm dating her almost a year and half and I accidentally came accros her conversations. She's been talking to guys from university and her neighbors which I'm okay with but in most of conversation they discuss about their sexual activities. Many of them included having sex in a cinema, having sex in a sex club while others watched her, having sex with a transexual, after partying walking to home full drunk and passing out at some unknown person's house and waking up naked in his bed which in the conversation it is described as she doesn't even know how many guys fuckrd her, I also came across some conversations describing sleeping with married few men and having affair with engaged guy, having sex with her gfs and their bfs and having flings with her sisters ex. I am feeling like such a horrible person. I never cheated in my entire life. I never lied about anything. I was expecting the same. I just feel like I'm such a loser. I honestly don't know what to react to this. Please advice me to take a proper decision.

There are people who don't think they are good enough or subconsciously are aware of their real short comings and why someone might not like them.

And for those reasons, people will pretend to be someone they are not, in order to impress the other person. Nothing more than a facade, a false identity, like hiding behind a mask.
The problem is that keeping up such a charade 24/7 takes a lot of personal energy and no one is able to carry on such a false self indefinitely, therefore, eventually the person you thought they were slips and you get to see their real self. Or once they believe they have you hooked, they don't work as hard to hiding it and cracks appear for you to see through.
You had ground rule about not hiding anything. Perhaps she didn't feel it pertained to a false identity equating it to when someone is wearing a costume, we don't accuse them of hiding, it's called dressing up. Only in her case this is a false self she wears all the time.

You have been seeing some of her real self. Whether the stories of sexual nature and sexual expoeriences that she shares with other males are real or not, they do point to things that her mind is focused on, what catches her attention, and reveals a bit about her as an adult.

For one thing, she has the makings of becoming an alcoholic if she isn't already one. She got pregnant while drunk and many of her sexual stories include drunkeness now. That is not being responsible, and if she can't be responsible in this one area, it makes me wonder how responsible she can be as a mother. She may be thinking of you as just someone she can dump the kid off on while she disappears (out with other guys) or when she is passed out.

There is no crime in having sexual fantasies, even if she is doing on line sex stuff for a company and earning money for sex talk around guys fantasies and is open about what she does with you, doing this all in private, keeping it from you hints at problems. If she does it to get a thrill, perhaps something is lacking for her with you or she needs way more than most normal people do, like a nymphomaniac, and that like alcoholic can also take over her entire life being an addiction itself needing treatment.
You can guess or just to have some peace of mind before you make a decision, ask her about those conversations. Since you did not go fishing for dirt that you might find but came across this accidently, say so, then ask what's going on without sounding like you are accusing her of anything. Cus the stories in bits and pieces of conversation is the kind of stuff you will find on the free and for pay sex sites. Or even people who seek those venues in on line game, Second Life. The person speaking caters to the others fetishes, desires and can say what they want and crave or make up stories of what they have done as they speak to others. If she is a young mom who began to do this to make money, how does she tell her new boyfriend what she does for fear of losing him. you need to know whether it is or isn't her work/job/way of earning a living. If it is, she can prove it by showing you the paystubs of the company she gets checks from and show you her on line site. I mention this as I know an older widow who does this. She is a very intelligent woman, but this is work and does not consume her life, she still has a life aside from this, and while she wouldn't mention what she does to everyone, she will share with people she knows she can trust. Perhaps she doesn't trust you enough to share what is really going on for her. It may not be a lack of what you're doing for her to not trust, some people never learn to trust, the problem lies with them.
These are but a few scenerios or possibilities that come up for me. If you want a partner who is like an open book, willing to share anything and everything, even her spots and wrinkles with you, I'd say she doesnt sound like this. Yes, she may be outright lying for whatever her reasons, or a compulsive liar, always making up stories whether having something to hide or not. I am sure you don't want that either. If she's 22 or so, she may not have a brain that is near it full mature adult status yet. the prefrontal lobe which helps with best decision making, able to consider consequenes, understanding people better to name a few isn't complete until at the earliest 25 or so and in many these days, by their decisons and choices, it seems that mature ness doesnt show up until they get to 30 or older.
So all the problems aside, she may just be an immature person and be that way for another decade, before growing up if she ever does. These are all the things you need to think about regarding whether you stay or just decide to leave.

I am 16 years old, and recently, I lost my virginity. We had no condoms so I trusted the "pull-out" method (never again) and he ejaculated inside of me. I immediately told my sister and we went to the store for plan B (One Step). Now, 3 days later, I have a little brownish blood coming out of me. When I saw this, I immediately panicked because I just got off my period about a week ago, so I'm almost sure this can't be my period. What's going on??? 😔

You can call the pharmacist and ask if one of the symptoms of taking Plan B might be to see brownish blood coming out.
Many times in my life I have seen a day of spotting brownish blood, usually because my period was late, delayed by stress. It will happen at times and is something you have no need to worry about. The time to be concerned says my GYN is if I have any heavy bleeding that won't stop, have a strong pain in my abdomen or experience pain during sex and thats when to see the Dr.

In 3 or 4 day since sex, if you had not taken plan B and did have a ready egg for sperm to fertilize, it would still take another 6 days for fertile egg to travel to attach itself to your uterus lining at which point you become pregnant. While its possible at such an early stage for a woman who was truly pregnant already to miscarry, you haven't had enough time go by yet for you to have it be a miscarry.

Hi. I am a first year graduate student trying to get my masters degree in psychology and I recently moved in with my boyfriend of a year. Last semester was hell. I had so much work to do and I was so stressed. The classes were so hard I would sit there listening to the professor as intensely as I could and still have no idea what he was saying. Many times I would have to leave the class because I was crying. This all caused me great anxiety. I was crying all the time, feeling sick to my stomach in the morning because of the nerves, and actually pulling my hair out. And to make matters worse my boyfriend and I were constantly fighting. He has anger issues and tends to take out his anger on me. He doesn't really mean to do it, he can't really control it. And afterwards he feels bad about it and apologizes and I know he doesn't mean it. But it still takes a pretty big toll on me. I have been recently thinking about moving back home, just to be able to concentrate more on school. However, I don't think I would have the time to keep up a relationship with my boyfriend if I moved back home due to the distance and all the time I would be spending on school work.
I don't know what to do. I've been falling out of love with my boyfriend. He is awkward and rude around my friends, he does not do much to help me around the house and makes constant messes, but I just don't know how I'd feel if he wasn't there. I'm afraid that I will dump him thinking I will be happier and be able to concentrate on my work, but I'm afraid that the heartbreak will be even worse than how he makes me feel... But all I know right now is that I am unhappy. I need to go see my doctor to up my anxiety meds I know that, but I just want to go home where my family can take care of me. It's a great atmosphere there they always make me happy. Here with my boyfriend I am rarely happy. I dont know what to do. As I write this I'm sitting here crying, barely able to see, my mom is blowing up my phone calling me asking why I'm not answering her calls, shes worried, my boyfriend won't stop texting me, I told him I wanted to go home. And I need to leave for work soon. I don't want to do any of this anymore. Sometime needs to change. I really wanna go home but I dont want to physically move out and break my boyfriends heart...ughhhh please help :(

In a nut shell, the other advice giver gave you the basics on what to do. Obviously, you already know all your issues and troubles are because of him, you listed plenty. My ex husband was all that AND verbally abusive.
So I understand the falling out of love part...it happened to me. I loved him at first but when love is not returned and you are treated worse than a stranger by him, that slowly eats away at any love there is until none is left. I married at 20 and stayed 30 yrs because of my religious beliefs at the time, the church frowned on divorce and said we must trust God to heal the relationship. It took about 28 yrs before God could get thru to me saying He gave everyone a free will, even if they chose to be negative and treat others negatively. So I couldn't expect anything to change. That meant, I had to be okay with living the next 30 yrs of my life with him with things no better than they were, likely even worse. That is what made me leave. As bad as it was, as hellish as it was to get thru another day, week or month, it was something I could push myself to do, which is where you are at. But if you ask yourself if you are okay with the same old stuff from him for decades, how would you feel? I can share how i felt, I became terrified, crying, feeling hopeless, feeling beaten, all joy in life squashed. So if we have no power to change the person mistreating us, that's right, we cant change others, then what can we change? You said something needs to change.
Here's the answer, you can change, mainly your mindset and how you view this. Right now you don't like it but for some reason are willing to put up with it. If your reasons, if any, for staying can be examined with logical thought processes to expose those that truly dont hold any water and dont apply to you, then all you're left with is answering, "Do I love myself enough to not want to continue choosing to subject myself to treatment that is so negative?" I thought I loved myself but when faced with that question and no other reason for staying with him, I realized I had lied to myself, I wasnt treating myself in a loving manner by staying in such a bad situation.
I will confess something more. I tend to be able to hear from God in prayer, pretty clearly at times and was told that if I did not leave within the next 4 years, that I would die from the stress. Stress is one of the biggest factors that bring on a disease that then kills a person. Stress takes time to get to disease stage but you get a whole cartful of medical problems before then so keep in mind, your life vitality and future just may be at stake here and so your mom/parents have good reason to be worried about you. iF you have the kind of mom who can be a listening ear without condemning you for your choices so far, then consider telling her and crying on her shoulder. But you cannot borrow strength/ or a spine to do the thing you feel is most likely needed, having to leave him. You need to find that strength in yourself alone to do so. If you know that now, going to Disneyworld with him only to break up right after looks bad. You'd have to decide to do so now. You are wasting your time at college being as stressed as you are. Basically sounds like you haven't gotten any where.

I am going to share my thoughts on what you say right here: "I just don't know how I'd feel if he wasn't there. I'm afraid that I will dump him thinking I will be happier and be able to concentrate on my work, but I'm afraid that the heartbreak will be even worse than how he makes me feel..."
This is fear of the unknown speaking, fear of change even if the change is for the better. Humans dont like taking what is their daily life and making a drastic change, its scary. But don't let that fear keep you from a change that is for the better for you. If he wasn't there, you'd feel less stressed...that's how you'd feel. Afraid the reason for dumping him might be your thinking that you'll be happier and be able to concentrate on my work. Why be afraid of the truth, of course you'll be happier and the lack of stress will mean you can concentrate better. At its worst peaks, the stress from living with my ex made me forgetful and lose concentration. I even left my car keys in the ignition with all doors unlocked once when most stressed.

And finally, afraid of heart break? Are you being truthful with yourself or lying to yourself? From what you have been writing, falling out of love, etc... you have already had your heart broken. How much more broken do you think it can get??
The only things that can break down now is your mental health or physical health. A broken heart can mend, a broken down body often does not.

I am guessing you are normally a sweet loving person, very trusting of others, maybe a wee bit gullible, you wear your heart on your sleeve...meaning you are a touchy feely type of person, in touch with how you feel and also always concerned and careful to not do anything to offend or hurt others but then also find it difficult to speak up for what is right and to make a stand. This type of personality will always find it hard to do the right thing for theirself because of their concern for the other person, yours being that you moving out will break his heart. Maybe, and maybe that is just the thing to get him to go for help and want to become a better person to win you back someday. People need consequences to their actions that are difficult, hard, heart breaking before some people are prompted within to want to change for the better. the majority unfortunately never change or change enough to become good relationship partners. So he needs to know that this means you wont be able to see him and not going out of your way to do so. That again will put stress on you. think of it like taking a vacation away from him. People don't stop mid vacation to go back to their normal life and relationships and then go back to finish off vacation. Or call it a Sabbatical. It may be enough time away from him to unstress and get your mind straight so you can really see things clearly once you see him again.
Truly, a man who is for sure In Love with a woman, does not treat her as your boyfriend has been treating you. If a man in love with you hurts you unintentionally, just once, sees your hurt and tears, he will hurt inside for hurting you and make sure to never repeat the same thing again. People who are not whole in some way, won't be able to do this without getting intervention, either they are too immature and need to do some studying on relationships and grow up, or have emotional or mental issues for which they need to see a therapist before they even have a change of getting better.
Near the end of our marriage a friend of ours who used to be a counselor, asked my ex if he had ever been in love with me. He first complained about me. Once done, he was asked again and hedged by saying he loves me as the mother of his children. On 3rd try with the question, he finally confessed, he had never been in love with me. After almost 30 years??? Yup, a guy will get into relationship, dating, marriage with a girl that they are not in love with and I don't understand what they get out of it but you can be sure that the female gets Zero out of the relationship and is just fooling herself that life is better with the guy than without. I am remarried to the kind of guy who does not want to hurt me, rather to uphold and support me. We never fight or yell, its 6 yrs now and the love is there and keeps growing. I could kick myself for how long I stayed with the first guy. The only thing I could say is good from the first guy is the 3 daughters I have, and yet, i see in them problems they have in life due to the type of father they had. Though I love my kids, I feel worse for not finding a way to leave when they were little, thinking having a dad around was better. I can see now, it wasn't and each has their own emotional issues and problems with relationships.
Hope this helps you in being able to make a decision you know you can live with where you find joy in life again and do better in school. God Bless!

Can I give almond and dates paste to my 2 month old baby?

I am from India but I live in London

Yes, i agree you should wait, the baby's digestive system isn't ready to handle any food other than milk until they are older. I've raised 3 kids. 6 mos is the time you find most kids able to handle mashed foods.
On occasion, a few babies are ready for cereal at 4 mos because milk alone is not satisfying them.
When foods are introduced, it should be one at a time for a week to judge whether the child is allergic to a particular food item.
But the best advice can be got from a pediatric advice page. they won't diagnos an illness on line but any questions regarding heath related, how to's they will answer.
Here's the link:

http://www.justanswer.com/pediatrics/

Every morning, when I wake up, my eyes are very swollen. When I spend the night with people, they often wonder why, as I do myself. It is not attractive. It literally looks like I got hit by a bus. Do you know if there is anything I can do to prevent this? Thank you for your input! :)

We aren't doctors. Best we can do is look for info on the web. I did a search under "eyes swollen upon waking and got some hits. Apparently there are others suffering of the same thing.

Here's what I found on Ehow:

Sleeping can also cause swollen eyelids, and it sometimes occurs upon waking from sleep. This occurs as a result of change in blood flow to the facial area and the lack of tear film from being released across the eyes. Sleep can trap bacteria in the area, because normal blinking does not occur. Sleep can cause inflammation. Fluid can begin to accumulate in the eyelid depending on the position of one’s head. And here's the link for other cases of swollen eyes:
http://www.ehow.com/about_5378358_causes-swollen-eyes.html

I didn't see anything on how to prevent this so I would ask your family Dr. and be sure to mention that it happens every morning, not an occasional thing.

Read more : http://www.ehow.com/about_5378358_causes-swollen-eyes.html

I had a bad experience at a hospital for the 4 days I was recovering from surgery. They would ignore my calls when I press for them. They apologized and I was told that the call button on my bed was broken and they never heard me. I almost peed on myself multiple times and almost fell on the floor. When I filed complaints to the hospital and state board they say they can't do anything about it. Because of what happened I developed panic attacks now, which I have never had before. It's due to the fear of being left alone in a closed room and having no one answer my calls for help. I feel like I need to see a professional counselor about this. I called a counseling hotline about it but they were no help. He just wanted my name and information.

You asked only why you aren't over this, you did not specifically say you wanted any advice on what to do about it. I know you may not feel like taking the steps laid out by Adviceman fearing it won't help or it is just too much trouble.
But I also believe that taking these steps will help you to overcome what you've gone through, especially since panic attacks wasn't something you've always had, but its driven by a traumatic situation. Give it time with a counselor, and if you have difficulty connecting with and feeling you can trust one counselor, then keep searching until you have some one you respond well to. If in the end, you have no improvement, I believe some people can be helped by therapists who employ use of hypnosis if nothing else works. The suggestions go straight to your subconscious mind which is the part of you that has been traumatized.

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>