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love the second time around
im in my late 40's im dating a great man. we both have kids mine are both over 18 but live home..his kids are both under 8 so we seem to be at different points in our lives..he is a very hands on involved parent which i love but, we have been dating for a yr he is a good man.. but seems to be very limited with time between his young kids and work ( he works evenings & weekends) we seem to make it work but i feel some days we barely make it work. some days i feel i need more out of a relationship.the limited time we do spend together we really click and get along great.. how do i make this work or do i move on..
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Lets look at it this way...what if he had not met you? What on earth would he be doing right now with children under age 8, some in school whose schedule must be 'awake during day, asleep at night and home on weekends?' when his schedule is the total opposite? Did he pay for a live in nanny before?
If he couldn't afford a nanny, he would have been forced to find a job with different hours and his weekends free. You didn't say if his is the only income or whether you work too. I understand people having to work more hours just to make ends meet. What I don't know is if you are caring for his non school age kids during the day or whether they are in daycare, whether you get off work in time to care for his school age kids after school.
Of course I am assuming since you didn't specify if he has joint custody or full that it is full custody. Even if he only had his kids every other weekend and he works weekends, that leaves the kids needing someone to watch them part of that time. I am trying to figure out the logistics and have a suspicion that I am lacking enough data to even come to any good conclusion. Off the top of my head comes the gut reaction that many people would have, "Oh, he's a workaholic, married to his job and that's probably what broke up the first marriage. Not a good choice for relationship." OR "With his crazy schedule and recently widowed or divorced with full custody, he needed someone to look after his kids, couldn't afford a nanny and so the next best thing was to find himself a girlfriend, another mate to take care of that for him.
If his schedule was temporary and he could move to days later or if he has a choice, he needs to be on the same wake/sleep schedule as the rest of the household for this to really work. I know it sounds shallow to say you should move on if he's the right guy for you. But how can you be certain if you don't have time to spend together. Part time companionship is one thing, if you are willing to continue with this as is, no change.
Otherwise, it sounds to me like he has to be willing to do whatever it takes to be able to put time into a relationship with you and his kids.
Understand with young kids, a 2nd time relationship means his kids will always come first over you as most people would do in this situation. Doesn't mean it's the best thing. Once his kids are of age or out of house, what are the two of you left with if you had little time to put into nurturing the relationship.
A seedling can die too easily without nurturing care from the gardener. Same with a love relationship. It takes time put in to it. Which you don't have so theres a possibility that it can break up in future.
Happily ever after doesnt happen just because you wish it so. It takes both parties putting in maximum effort to make it so. However time is needed to have the ability to put in maximum effect. Hope this helps you make a decision.
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