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How do I handle two of my guy friends both liking me?
Okay, so I'm a 15, almost 16 year old girl. I moved schools this year and I made multiple friends. There are both girls and guys in my group. So, in the beginning of december, two of my close guy friends started talking to me a lot more, lets call them Joe and Harry. So they would text me and we'd all skype pretty often and it was pretty good. I liked the fact that I had some close guy friends that I could turn to if need be. So after a bit I started liking one of them, Harry. I never told anyone about it, still to this day.
So, about a week ago, my friend told me to come over to her house because she need to talk to me. When I went over, she told me that our group is in a fight, and it was about me. So apparently Joe had liked me for a while and just assumed that the rest of the guys knew. But then one day another one of the guys lets call him Josh, said he liked me. So Joe was mad at Josh for liking me when he liked me. Then Harry started talking to me as friends and then the skyping started. I was completely oblivious to the whole liking thing.
So now both of the guys know that I know they like me. So Joe has just completely stopped talking to me, whereas Josh is constantly around me. I don't like either of them more than friends. I don't know what to do about it, I don't wanna ruin our friendship.
And also what about the Harry situation? He's an awesome guy and he talks to me from the morning to late at night. But I feel guilty talking to him because of everything thats happening. I am really stuck, please help me.
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Take advice from the master: Talk to "Harry" about liking him and the whole situation and see what he says. Tell this "Josh" and "Joe" that you are not interested in either of them more than friends, but you would still like to talk to them. No matter how hard it is this is the only way to do it. Let me know what you think about this proposition.
P.S. my friend here thinks you are a whore (i disagree)
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If you liked Harry all along, why haven't you said anything to him about it. Teens aren't always that experienced to be able pick up on some obvious signs or even the subtle ones that someone might like them or be attracted to them. So unfortunately, the only way left to find out is to be direct and just say something. As to what to say, "Harry, I've enjoyed our relationship but lately, I've found that I am beginning to develop deeper feelings for you. This is a tactic taught by relationship experts to use instead of saying you already like them or love them or that you have for a long time, because psychologically, it puts less pressure on them to answer in the positive even if they don't feel that way. When someone says they like you or love you or have for a long time, the first thing a person thinks if they don't feel the same is, "I am going to be responsible for breaking their heart by saying I don't feel the same" and so we often say the opposite, that we like them too.
Would you rather know where you stand with Harry so you can move on into dating? Be direct but choose your words carefully.
One thing I have learned is that some teen boys figure the best way to learn more about girls and what makes them tick is to spend time hanging out with them as friends. I had a group much like yours at that age. What happens though is that sometimes one girl will stand out to all the guys in the group, it might be something of her personality that is attractive to all males, or perhaps she is just a bit more self confident than the other girls, or much more easy or fun to talk to, what ever it is, it was obvious and shined like a beacon to all the guys. That's why they are fighting, it's also some of the alpha male thing going on too I suppose. Each one wants to come out the winner on the top and the prize is you. It doesnt really matter for some whether you have anything really in common to make that step from friends to BF/GF, and it may not matter either if there is no romantic chemistry. Even older guys do this dear. When I was divorced and getting out into dating again, I did a dating profile and had men coming out of the woodworks after reading my description of myself, seeing my pics and ignoring my list of criteria I had for the kind of men I was looking for. All too often, they wanted to date me just because I was "interesting" thats all they wrote to me. Nothing on them in their profile. Or they said it sounded like we had a lot in common and they wanted to date me. When I read their profile, there wasn't one thing we had in common. Too often, they were simply attracted like bees to necter, by something I learned some time after that all guys find attractive, a female who knows what she wants and isn't afraid to ask for it. Thats self confidence. I had my list of criteria and they knew they didn't meet it but they couldnt help themselves and had to write to me and hope I would ignore all my criteria once I got to know them. When a young guy lacks self confidence or plain old just doesnt know what to do if disappointed, yeah, he can throw his silent fit by stopping talking to you. He'll learn to get over it. In time he will learn as all of you will, that you can't force this romantic chemistry, just because someone is cute, smart or rich. One of the things we have no control over to change is the unique type of pheremones our body lets off. And the only people we are subconsciously attracted to are ones with the exact same matching pheremones. They'll get over it in time. Maybe not soon enough to suit you. In the meanwhile, go have a talk with Harry.
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Just follow your heart and if you like "Harry" then go for it! You can't make these kind of decisions based on other people. It's your life, and your love life, so base it on you. The group already seems a little bit broken up, sadly, so it's not like you would be the one breaking it by choosing, and it's not your fault. After awhile these other guys will get over themselves and you may even have a group again some day. So go for what you want!
Hope this helps~
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