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Do I HAVE to have a gender?
For starters im a 14 year old girl and my physical body is a female one. I feel like I'm in a male mindset but I have no desire to change my body. I want to be a boy but I want my girl body. Is there a word for this or am I just weird? I know that you can be bisexual and like men and women (Im bisexual by the way if that changes anything) but can you be big ended where you just dont have a gender or you're a mix of both? I'm not sure how to explain how I feel and can't talk to anyone because my friends wouldn't understand because they're all heterosexual and comfortable in their bodies and I don't think that I can talk to my parents because I'd likely be told "God made you this way for a reason" (which is my mothers response whenever I bring up people with tatoos or dyed hair; they act like modifications are taboo) or I'd be told "it's just a phase". I know that it's not a phase because Ive felt this way for a long time. I just don't know. Any advice to help me organize my thoughts?
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There is a possibility you may be gender fluid. It's a long shot to say this but I am gender fluid myself. In a summary, gender fluid means you feel feminine one day and then masculine the next. My identity completely changes as the days go on and one minute I could feel masculine and the next I feel completely feminine. Around two certain people, I especially feel feminine. I'm also bisexual so I kinda of understand where you are coming from. Look into gender fluid, it's possible for you. I hope this helped at least a tad bit!
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There's a whole huge spectrum out there when it comes to various sexualities and genders. While the cisgender world is pretty much hard-defined (you're a man or a woman) it's possible to fit in anywhere in between or outside these definitions.
Physical gender (the body you're born with) can be different from your gender identity (the one you feel like) which can be different from your expression (how you choose to present yourself). All of these have nothing to do with sexuality, which is completely different.
From your description, you may identify as genderqueer; neither a man nor a woman. You may also identify as gender fluid, meaning that your gender identity changes with time.
However you choose to identify and present, you are you. You may change with time, but that doesn't make you any less yourself.
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I am in my 50s and at times I feel that way. There is no logical explanation for what you are feeling under the strictly Christian viewpoints and beliefs. I used to follow the Christian faith. Jesus is still real to me but I follow a more broad path of beliefs now that includes one particular thing that changed a lot for me. I did not at your age feel this way but came into it later in life.
I will explain. I am a female. During my time as a Christian, I would sometimes have a dream where I wsa the male, not a female in a female body having sex with a female, but I was the male with a female. This would disturb me to no end as only hetero sex was okay with the church. So I kept it private and told no one. I also had dreams of being a big brawny warrior type male having to defend my family and sometimes village from enemy attack and I did so with hand to hand combat, in all cases, by snapping/breaking their necks. these were repetitive dreams that caused me great guilt.
Much later in life, I came to believe in reincarnation. From what I have studied, books of many different hypnotists who could take a soul back to look at a previous life for issues they were facing in this life to solve a problem, and many discovered they were incarnated as different sexes in past lives. Each soul would have a preference for mostly one sex, I believe mine is female, but though I haven't done the hypnosis thing, I can't prove any of this for sure but I also believe I have spent lives before, a few, as a male. The soul have memories imprinted in it from past lives but we are made to forget these when born into the next one so it doesn't confuse or bother us. However, there are break through feelings, impressions, dreams or unexplainable pains as I read in one case of a past life person having a broken leg that didnt heal right after a wood carriage drove over it. In current life they and pains in the same leg that Dr.s couldn't find any cause behind it. Once it is reconciled in your subconscious mind that what you might be experiencing is something from a past life and nothing odd or weird, then you become at peace with that fact and can embrace it, or as in the one of the pain in the leg. The pain went away. For me, the dreams went away once I realized it was memories from past lives as a male and once I no longer feared it, that brought me to the next step. I love being a female and having a female body. However, one day, quite by accident, meaning not intentionally, I had an experience with my husband during sex that changed things from there on out. I was on top, and we were 'doing it' when all of a sudden, I felt as if I was in an altered state, because just then, it felt as if I had a penis and was entering the husband, then it switched back and forth a couple times, confusing me. I immediately told him what I felt and he told me he felt it too, it was just as real feeling as the real thing but occurring at an energy level. If you feel this already now at this younger age, it most likely will not go away and just get stronger as you get older and have sex partners. It will be few men who will not feel threatened as a man if you told me. They may not have a close enough spiritual/energy level of sex with you. My partner and I can feel energy pass from one of us to the other. This is rare. People don't talk about it. But I believe this deep kind of connection is going to be needed by you in a male partner some day, as he feels the energy shift and feels you entering him. Perhaps for you at this age, it isn't even a sexual thing yet, just enjoying feeling like a male or even standing like one at times. I catch myself doing that very occasionally but its so obvious to me when its happening, its switches my attention off whatever else it was on to the fact that I am experiencing a very male moment. I am not into any Dom or Sub stuff so its not about that...I know the difference. As far as the male mindset goes...it's strong in me too, making me enjoy conversing with men over women. I tend to think more like a guy too so of course I get along better with them than females, never had trouble understanding what a guy means and they understand me as well cus I talk like them. I can switch at will to telling a female my birthing stories or about the latest chick flick I recommend. However I tired of that quickly. I don't find myself to be odd. In fact I quite enjoy having both genders strong in my life. However I consider my physical body as female and my spiritual body as half and half, half male half female. No one needs to agree with you or even know. Just enjoy it. And some day in the future, be patient to find the right guy who doesn't feel threatened by this aspect of you.
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Technically, you have a gender. You can clame to not have one if you want, like tell your friends and family to use more people-like terms (i.e instead of he or she, they, they're/their, them, etc.) or gender nutreural terms, which is around the same thing, if that's what you prefer, or you could just make sure people call you by your name instead of using terms like that. (And if you don't like being called by your name, make up some nickname like Kat or something like letter nicknames, i.e TJ, JC, TT, etc.) but when it comes down to it, you have a sex. (gender) whether it's the one youre born as or the one you choose to be, you technically have one. But you could just say you don't, and that you just exist and are a person and a soul. I know some people like that. You have a gender, but it's up to you if you want to accept it or not.
Hope this helped~
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