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how much responsibility do I bear for something I did as a kid
Thank you for reading and advising!
When I was a child, too young to remember, I hit a golf ball with a hammer and it hit my sister in the tooth.
Now we are both around 40 years old and that tooth developed some problems and requires surgery. I'm not sure how much guilt/financial responsibility I should be feeling. I would appreiate some 3rd party advise. Thanks!
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Families?
Guilt is probably the most pointless and futile human emotion to cling on to. Remorse at the time shows humility and that you regret what you did and that you hopefully have learned something about yourself in the process. Offering to help out with the medical bill would be a nice touch. You might look at where you stand. If your income is in all honesty far above that of your sister then you might consider telling her to get the job done and don't worry about the cost, you'll pay. If the roles are reversed and she is more affluent than you then maybe a token payment? But if she really is in a much better financial position, and you both know it...she'll probably refuse. Accidnets happen. Sure, YOU hit the golf ball but not with the intent to injure her, and you could not possibly foresee that decades later it would need work. I'm sure she understood and accepted all this long ago.
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Sounds like you were just being kids, and this wasn't something you intended and planned to do to hurt your sister. All kids have stories of something stupid they did that hurt themselves or someone else or broke or damaged property. One of mine: girlfriend and I rode together on one banana seat bike down a steep hill but our added weight made it go faster and when we tried to brake in fear of the speed we were going, it flipped the bike throwing both of us. Luckily all we ended up with is lots of skinned knees, hands and elbows.
If the tooth was chipped or damaged in some way that family was aware of back then, why didn't the parents get it taken care of? Without having been seen by a dentist back then with a diagnosis, there is no way to connect it to what is going on today.
Is your sister coming to you, asking for money to get this surgery taken care of? If so, I don't think she should be. Most likely she has insurance that will cover it if it truly has problems and medical needs. If it's functional and more of an unneeded beautification thing, insurance most likely wont cover. If its not covered by insurance, then it is not a "required" step, this surgery, unless you left out a lot of info in your question.
I say you are not responsible for something you did as a kid. Wondering even why you would feel responsible at all? Did you two grow up with you raising your sister, bailing her out of trouble, being like a parent to her? If so, I can understand why you'd feel somewhat responsible having partly taken the job of raising a sibling, you may always feel responsible for anything that concerns her and her welfare. It would in that case be seen as a nice gesture for brother to be willing to pay for it, but thats silly if insurance will cover it, why then pay out of your pocket, taking a chunk of money out of your family budget, possibly causing temporary hardship there and resentment from the wife. Better check with the wife if you have one first if she's ok with you paying for it if you are still determined to do so even if un needed.
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You do not need to worry so much if you are too young to remember!
As long as you did not do it intentionally, I wouldnt worry at all!
Tooth problems can stem from diet, health and all sorts of factors, not necessarily getting hit by a golf ball 30 or so years ago.
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I think you shouldn't feel bad about that because you were just a kid and that was so long ago. I'm sure you weren't trying to cause that, and didn't know it would turn out this way. So I don't think you're guilty at all.
Hope this helps~
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