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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

What does it mean if a guy stares at you when you walk by.

If he does this often on any given day that he sees you, he is attracted to what he sees. Try the next step of smiling at him and saying Hi as you walk by. If he smiles back, the next step would be to introduce yourself and talk to him. Lots of guys stare at women they find attractive but dont want a relationship. They look at the female form in others even if they are not single, dating or married. This is a good thing as it proves they aren't gay if you're hetero-sexual. Its only a problem if they want to be in relationships sexually with every woman they see that they find attractive.
He might be too shy to talk to you first, afraid you'd turn him down. So if you like what you see, give him some positive signs back.

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My mother is making me take a whole day out of my April vacation to see a college that's like an hour away. I told her that I didn't want to go because I'm only a sophomore and it isn't even the summer yet, but she wouldn't listen. A friend invited me to go somewhere fun that day but now I can't because she's forcing me to go see a crappy public college that I don't want to see. She thinks that there's no time like this week to see this public college. What do you think?

Do you even plan to go to college? Do you have any ideas of a degree you'd like to go after? Do your parents intend to fund the cost of you going to college? If you plan to go, they plan to pay, then they need to be saving up now for the time when you will be ready to attend a college, so maybe that is why she's thinking it important to check out a college. I can't see how visiting a campus really gives you a feel for a place. You can learn alot by checking up on it on line. Now if it was the end of your jr. yr in HS, and you intend to attend a college, then I can see this being important. Attending college or not and which college you go to and what degree you will be studying and going for are all going to be your own decision. You will be an adult at the time you attend and have a right to do that which interests you. If you'd rather work a few years and later go to college, thats fine too as long as its what you want to do. Parents may try to influence their childs decision while they are not yet 18, and can often be successful in moving them to do what the parent wants them to do, not what they want, like attend a college they attended--some college pride thing, or they want to you follow a long line of certain occupations in the family whether it be lawyers, doctors, police, etc that sometimes run in the family. Not everyone is cut out for or has a heart for a certain profession. Starting now, to follow your parents wishes on everything that will affect you when you are of legal adult age, just could set you up to have them continue to try 'parenting' you once you're an adult, trying to still influence your decisions to be what they want. This would be wrong. And you would need to stand up for your right to make decisions as an adult on your own/. It's trickier when you're younger and a parent is trying to force your future. They may have a good point, knowing you as well as they do and are simply trying to get you to see something as important. I would think, If you are willing to do both, ask Mom to plan taking you another day as you already have something planned with a friend, or ask the friend if what she has planned can be done another day so Mom can take you to visit a college. If you have no desire to go to college, Mom needs to know. If she insists on you going, she's the one wasting her time as visiting won't change your mind, but you'll have at least kept the peace with her for the next two years or until you turn 18.

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Female; 19.
I have loved two people in my life and have thought I loved people before then. I've never even really had crushes on people based on appearance. My last relationship was amazing and I truly believed that he was the one, he was 22 and everything i had ever wanted in my "dream guy". He told me he wanted to marry me one day and it all seemed so sure. Unfortunately it was bad timing his band just got signed, he hated his job and he was loosing his remaining parent to cancer. We broke up and we still love each other and are hoping things could one day down the road be fixed. It's been devastating and left me feeling empty and too emotionally drained to even show emotion.
But recently I keep running into this guy who isn't really "my type" even though he is alternative like I am. The first time I met him I was at a bus stop and he smiled and sat next to me and asked if he could smoke near me. We kept glancing back and forth at each other. He had kind features and his smile made me light up in a way I haven't felt in a while. I'm not really attracted to his appearance, but there's something about him that I like. I didn't think much of it until I was with my friend getting off the train and saw him again, our eyes met and we shared that same smile. It's been making me think about "love at first sight" (not that i'm saying I'm in love with this guy) but I do feel this connection I never experienced before that confuses me. I'm not a very spiritual person and have always been a skeptic about destiny and all that stuff, but I almost feel like the fact that there is that connection and that we keep running into each other means it's fate?

I believe I understand whats happening. Same happened to me, it was an incredible experience and I can see how you might think it was love at first sight. I do believe that such a thing exists although it is very rare. When I had this happen, I was in my forties, divorced, just parked the car in the driveway next to daughters house. I'd given her and baby granddaughter a ride somewhere and we'd just arrived home. As I lifted baby out of car seat and stood, just 12- 15 ft away on front sidewalk, a man was walking his dog and he slowed, time actually seemed to slow too as our eyes met and I knew there was an instant mutual attraction. I instinctively can say it wasn't based on our appearances, just our close proximity as I hadn't even had a chance to really focus and take in his looks, it just I just feel a sense to look in that direction and when I did, there he was and i was hit with the feeling instantly. I know it was an overwhelming strong pheremone connection, and pheremones are something invisible that our bodies emit that works in the attraction process. Many mammals have this. So do humans. But there are many types and if you're with someone where you don't have a strong pheremone connection or none at all, you can get to like them as a friend but will never be attracted to them sexually and for good relationships, you need both friendship and sexual compatibility. Few people end up with someone they have this kind of connection with. On a scale of 1-10, what I feel with my 2nd husband is 10. What I felt when eyes connected with that guy, twice cus he looked back over his shoulder at me after he passed, was way over 10, felt like I'd been hit with a train.

I can't guarantee that you'll find anything else in common to support the friendship side of a relationship with someone you feel this with, but it's a good sign to check and see if there might be something more. And if not, then the only thing a couple could have is the pheremone connection and a hot sex life but not get along otherwise. And as wonderful as it is, a life mate is more than just sex.

As for the boyfriend going through a lot of tough changes, people react differently when crisis comes. Some couples draw closer together, bond tighter and rely on the strength of each other to get through it even if only one of the two are affected by something. Others, break apart. I can't say why this happens. Maybe some people don't like being comforted? Or maybe its more about them wanting to find a way to go through it alone finding it to be something he prefers to figure out how to overcome on his own, liking to solve his own troubles alone. That could come from a personality who isn't into being a 'team' player but more a solidary figure and thats okay but if every crisis in life, even later if say you married the boyfriend, makes him react this way, you know thats not good, especially if married and having kids together. The two of you need to be able to have your own personal time of course to deal with chilling down from daily stress but when its major crisis, we need to be able to reach out and draw closer to our partner for support rather than further away. Either you're okay with that, or you want to find ways to work thru things with the boyfriend.

So what I'd do is try to have a talk with the boyfriend and let him know how much you want to be a part of his life, even when he's going through major changes and things that make him hurt, and you know he won't be able to be there for you as he always is when things are good, but you want to be there for him just to give, to be his support system, his shelter from the storm of life, one place he can go, your arms for a hug where you just give him unconditional love, not expecting anything in return until he has made it through the rough patches. You're just asking that he allow you to be in his life to do this for him and be willing to do the same for you if it happens someday, to do this instead of shutting you out for now. See how he feels. Maybe you can get back together. I hope so. If he still wants to shut you out to deal with things alone, then what you've got is a 'fair weather' relationship with him. As long as life is going smooth he wants to be with you, when things get rocky from influences outside the relationship, he wants to break up....that is not what makes the best relationship although it sadly is a type of relationship many have. If you're willing to settle for that if he doesnt come to his senses, that's your choice. If you want more, you'll need to come to the point of realizing first there's no promise with boyfriend before you can really go checking out other guys, including this one you keep running into. You say he's not your type but that's based on looks since you don't really know his character. We all act our best when first meeting or being near people to make good impressions but that may not be his real self which would be revealed when enough time were spent with him to find out. What you do know is there's a strong pheremone connection and so at least, one side of a relationship with him would be wonderful. It remains to be seen if you could make anything work out otherwise.

As for fate, yes I believe there are some major events in the life of a soul on earth that get lined up by their angels depending on what is the best thing to happen to them for them to learn what they need most to in this life they have and so, there may actually be a handful of people in the country that are perfect for yo to learn what you need with but its a matter of the angels trying to work to position you in the same place at the same time to meet. So not all such people are placed in your path for this purpose of needing to meet and become a couple. There isn't always just one person you are destined to meet as far as I believe. I believe there are several that can fit the bill but what changes that dear, is the fact that God gave us free will and with that will, we all make our own choices and very often can't be swayed by promptings from our angels to go the right path and so we lose out on opportunities and another one needs to be placed in our path. I'm not religious but I've read plenty and from all that I've read, this is what I've come to believe. So yes, there's always a chance that the 2nd guy just might be destiny for you, but again not. If you have some belief at all in a higher power, angels or just fate or the universe, just say your thoughts out loud, for help in getting boyfriend to see the importance in not shutting you out so you can get back together and asking for the help if he uses his will to push you away still, then to bring a chance to get to know the other guy only if he is really another possible person best for you to meet. Good luck!

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Kan u get preghante when he rubin his across your pussy

Yes, possibly...it all dependds. Let me explain.
When a male's penis is hard and erect, his body has a natural thing it does to lubricate the tip of his penis to make it easier for him to penetrate the female, and this is whether he actually intends to or not. The high state of arousal he is in when both of you are nude and playing around is enough for the body to voluntarily produse a beading of, a small amount of this liquid oozing from the tip of his penis. This is called pre cum. And pre cum also has sperms in it. If pre cum was on the tip at the time and the tip was poked into the folds of your labia and you were wet there also already, its a good enough environment for some to survive and get the girl pregnant. There are many teens girls who get pregnant this way. They would never have had the penis inside and still would be defined as a virgin but are pregnant. So it all depends on whether there was pre cum involved and where it was deposits near the entrance of the vagina. If he was dry and just rubbing the length of it across you, likely there isn't a chance of being pregnant. It is for things like this that condoms don't help a girl. If you plan to continue this kind of activity, I highly suggest you get on birth control immediately and a visit to your local Planned Parenthood can take care of that for you.

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I had bad friends before and I use to be around people who criticize who I was. I also put other people feelings before my own. However, one day I realize that I needed to work on me and make better friends so I let go of people who made me feel insecure about myself. Unfortunately, I had an incident with my friend that trigger me to go back to a bad place. The scenario was simple: We went shopping and she persisted I try on an outfit and I became upset because her assisting that I wear more brighter clothes meant she was trying to change me. I was basically telling her that her changing my sense of style felt like a personal attack but she did not see it that way. She explained that when she went shopping with other friends they suggested different outfits and explain her intention was not to upset me. I used to be someone who does not stand up for themselves but now I am wondering I am becoming to defensive? Are these just suppressed feelings coming from the past and it triggered an overreaction. I just know I don't want to repeat the same mistake and that is why I am being vocal about my feelings and communicating it to my friend. Any other perceptives?

I, like you had to learn to speak up for myself and not allow someone else to make decisions for me or insist on convincing me to do otherwise than I wished.
I found myself in situations like you, whether I wondered if it was an issue of someone critical, a personal attack, controlling behavior or so on. Or whether I was only perceiving it as such when that wasn't the intention on another persons heart or mind.
So what helps? I learn to always place my self in the other persons shoes. In your scenerio, I would have been thinking it out this way, I find neutral colors fit into more situation better than many colorful items, I prefer them simply cus its my taste and I find my friends choices of outfits at the store to be too garish for my taste, and I think she'd come off as too much kidlike and not as professional and grown up so if I told her that perhaps these neutral colors would be better and pick some out for her based on my point of view of just trying to be helpful, that would be a good thing I am doing in my mind. Will she see it that way though? Probably not.
I had a daughter as a teen who chose no color of clothing other than blue. She wore nothing else literally and I did ask her why, its her favorite color, I suggested then, what do you think of adding in other colors just in small amounts, accents like jewelry or socks, a belt, and she just shut me out. When a person had their mind made up about something they like or believe in, there's no one in the world that can change it for them except themselves. I realize in the long run, wearing blue only wasn't going to harm my daughters wellfare. When she as a college ager, showed up one day to visit spouting a brow piercing she just got and telling me about a job interview coming up, I only told her to be prepard that some employers may have a particular dress code in which that isn't acceptable and a closed minded one may instantly cross her off their list even if she is the best choice to hire, rather than to mention it to her. She felt is wasnt a problem. Couple days later, she told me she got the job but was asked to not wear the piercing so she took it out after wearing only a week or so and never wore one again. there are times when you can pass on helpful information but not all people think of that as when I mentioned what I did to the daughter without trying to convince her to take out the piercing. Some people haven't learned how to present their ideas and reasons for their suggestions. Suggestions are more welcome if asked for than when just offered when not asked. But people being humans, we mess this up all the time. It wasn't til later in life I finally figured it out and have done so correctly from this point on. My children are adults, i can no longer mother them but I can offer to be their sounding board with suggestions. So I mention I have an opinion or suggestion to their situation, would they like to hear it, if they say no, unless their life is not in any immediate perceived danger, I say nothing.

So long story short, are you maybe a bit defensive...yes. Was she right in how she approached you? It wasn't the best way to offer, she could have said, I have some comments or opinions on your choices, would you like to hear them? This is something we hopefully learn to do better as we mature as adults. Did you respond correctly? You had a right to stand up for yourself but it could have been done with more tact and thats where you messed up. To tell someone it felt like a personal attack was in effedt use of vinegar rather than honey to come to a solution.
Next time if there is one, where someone suggests you try something, even a certain food and keeps insisting when you at first refuse, may have difficulty explaining themselves. Be patient, take a deep breath. then ask them why they really believe this choice is better for you. they may have a valid reason. What if she's a good sense of color of clothing compared to our skin and hair coloring and certain shades would bring more attention to you than your outfit, a better fit. Its possible. Or maybe subconsciously the style and cut was better for you, not the colors. Or its possible they are very biased based on their own likes. Its always good to try and be the more mature person and ask first. If their answer still doesnt convince you have you've given their reasons a listen. Thank them genuinely for being so concerned for you as a friend, it makes you feel really special. However, this happens to be your taste and you're sticking to it. If a person persists beyond this point and starts really badgaring you, they are completely out of line and deserve what you say next which isn't nasty, just asserting yourself as you wish to do as the new you. You say, "Look, I'm trying to be nice about this. I like you as a friend but not how you are treating me. So here's a rule I expect you to follow. If I want your suggestion on something, I will ask for it genuinely, if I do not, I won't appreciate any further unsolicited advice, and stop associating with you until you can comply with my wishes.

This is definitely a line drawn in the sand. You set the border of what you will tolerate or not.But it need not be your first response. try 1st to see where they're coming from, discuss why its so important to them and then if they persist after you've told them your standpoint with consideration to not make them feel chastised like a child, it is then appropriate to stand up for yourself. I know you can do it. It takes time for all us to learn to interact with others this way and is a much more successful way to navigate through life and relating to people than any other way. good luck and don't stop being assertive and standing up for yourself. Theres just a better way to do it. Good luck.

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I really need some advice. Lately, a lot of my friends have been getting married. The thing is, it hasn't been those that I was real close to. I just found out yesterday my best friend is pregnant!! I know she and her bf hooked up, but I thought they were playing it safe. Last Monday was when she found put she was expecting. Her and her boyfriend plan to get married after they finish high school. I have one more year of high school before I go a couple of years to a junior college, then I will be leaving the state for a different college. I'm scared of what will happen to our friendship. So many things are changing so quickly, and I'm scared. My mom and her best friend hardly talk now that they are both married, and I'm worried that will happen to us, especially with us already living about 40 minutes away from each other. I know once she gives birth, she won't be able to stay over at my house anymore, and it will be very rarely when we see each other. Things will especially be tough when I leave the state for a couple of years. I hope to move back after then, but what will become of us? She's the only person I've ever been able to tell everything to. We had been planning to after we get married have girl nights and date nights together to still spend lots of time together, but I don't even have a boyfriend and I'm afraid our plans might change after she gets married and has her child. What do I do????😭

There's two issues here as I see from my own life experiences, one is the dynamics of what happens when one friend becomes married and others are still single. If only one or two friends are married and the majority of a group of friends are still single, you'll find the single friends are reluctant to spend time with you now that you're married, (My situation, married at 20) and it was for fear of intruding or taking away time from our relationship as a few admitted and the other I figured out from observations, it made them uncomfortable or they found they couldn't relate to the same things not being in relationships or a marriage themselves. Sometimes its simply the reminder that they are still single when they wish they weren't. So as a result, slowly our single friends faded into the background, their choice and we made more new friends with young married couples. I missed the single friends and wished they wouldn't make themselves so distant. So keep it in mind that if theres any way time wise to fit in visits, continue to see your friends who are married or mothers.

The other issue is that when we graduate HS or college, any friends made during that time, we are not likely to see often. I'm gonna guess its the same for 90% of us, Unless someone lives in small tiny town and starts working there after HS and so does their friends, life takes all of us on our own paths and it is pretty much inevitable that friends who saw each other daily at school are now not going to see each other hardly at all. It's worse when its a best friend you had that connection to. I must admit my best friend who as a pre teen moved away when her family relocated to another state, was someone I hardly saw again. We kept in touch with writing letters until the internet came along. She found me on facebook and we keep in touch that way. I have not found another female I've been that close to except for one co-worker and that's it. I don't lack for friends but none are that close with me, with the exception of my current husband who is my best friend and what we have surpasses what I had with my childhood friend.
I know it won't make you feel any better to know others go thru the same thing. So how to deal with it, or feel any better? The best cure is time, is going ahead with your life path and focusing on your life, getting your schooling and making new friends along the way. Not as a replacement for the others you dont see as often, just new people you like and get along with for their own unique personalities. Make sure you keep in mind what are the top priorities in your life and those can change over the years. Here's a good example. I read on a dating site that men have multiple priorities in their life that all deserve attention in their mind but if a girlfriend wasn't one of his top 3 priorities, then you fall too low on the totem pole to maintain a healthy happy relationship for both. And she is advised to stop seeing him.
I've thought about the priorities thing. I believe we all have a priority list in life, females too. And it changes along our life depending where we're at. While in HS, my family, school work, and my friends were top priorities, when you graduate, it's either a job that becomes a priority or going to college and with that, financial responsibilities you didn't have before. I went straight to work, saved up and got a car, met a guy at church and got married. Friends went off to college. Some I didn't reconnect with until they were out of college and married. Bu then, I noticed we already didn't have quite as much in common as we did in HS, at least for the majority of them. What you experience in life will help shape you into a different person than who you are today. Parts of you stay the same, your personality but things you like, your core values, beliefs and such can change. Mine have by my 50s changed so drastically that I have nothing in common anymore with any of the friends I went to HS with.
So in the end, all you can do is your best to stay in touch, have addresses, phone numbers and contacts on any and all social websites theyare on and anytime one of your changes an address or phone number to remember to let these friends know. failure on my part or theirs was how I lost touch with some friends. It wont be easy in the beginning hon, and there'll be an empty spot inside you. But if you don't allow this fact of life to freeze you up from continuing with yours, you'll find that after time, you'll make the transition and find new friends who you see more often due to they are co workers, your neighbors, young moms at a toddlers meet up group, etc... and that you see less of your old friends. If you can accept that as a natural cycle of life, you'll do well. If you can't, you'll make yourself miserable. Good luck.

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im 24 single female he's a 35 single male with an 8 year old daughter. Anyway we've worked together for almost s year and pretty much became best friends. We've never dated although I always thought there was some chemistry there because we flirt all the time. We go out to lunch together daily and he always makes a point to come to my desk and just talk until he gets in trouble and goes back to his desk. I know we're just friends because he talks about picking up girls at bars all the time and my confidence is way too low to even bother trying to make it anything more than friendship.I had a boyfriend up until 4 months ago but even while dating him I loved flirting with my coworker. So last week he takes a temporary leave due to his other job taking up a lot of his time. And I was completely crushed. They've already found someone to replace him and I already hate the new guy. I feel depressed going to work and not seeing him there. The days last way too long and I dread having to go. I was offered a new job a few months ago and didn't take it because I didn't wanna leave the place I'm at but I'm realizing it wasn't cause I love my current job but it's because he was there and made me love it and now that he's gone I just wanna quit and find a different place. Is that weird? There's something wrong with that right?

Quitting and finding a new job just to earn money to pay the bills is up to you. But it won't change you missing the guy cus he won't be there either unless you find where he's working and apply there for a job and get accepted. A lot of if's that may not happen. It's understandable to feel crushed and sad to lose someone you have a great friendship with. If the only connection you have with a great person is at work and neither have each others cell number or friends on facebook, then you chance losing connection if either you or they were to leave the company. I still have a couple females as friends on facebook and phone number of one I used to work with. I am able to stay in contact.

I know what you mean about enjoying a place because of someone who works there, and it didn't have to be work, I enjoy a visit to a store when a certain employee is working at check out and would prefer to go thru their line and we greet each other as friends even though we only know each other as cashier and customer.
the unfortunate thing, is nothing else will magically happen to take such friendships further if we don't make some personal effort to make it happen. It's not unhealthy. No. But if it consumes your life to the point what you feel is affecting all areas of your life in a bad way, then it becomes unhealthy. But its certainly not unusual for one coworker to enjoy work more because of the presence of certain people and its a given you'll miss them terribly and nothing feels the same at work. As far as you wanting to quit and find other work, just have a good reason for it, if to find better pay, you need more challenge, to learn some new skill, better work hours, but to get over not seeing him anymore, that part doesnt make sense unless its the surroundings, the place that reminds you of him. If thats so, find a better job first, then quit and see if that helps you although theres no guarantee it will. Time is usually the best healer and the pain of loss slowly grows less over time more surely than it does over changing locations unless its an absolute must for reasons of safety or such.

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It happened for the first time in my life today, and I go to Wal-Mart probably more than any other store. I feel offended. Wal-Mart is not like Costco, where workers always check receipts, so I feel like I was discriminated. I was taken aback, I thought the greeter was just going to say "good-bye" like they normally do, but then he asked me to show my receipt for literally $7 worth of items, in bags. I did self-checkout and then walked to the other side of the store, because it was heavily raining and I wanted to be closer to my car. I've done that a lot, actually, and never envisioned that could potentially come across as suspicious. But then the guy says I could have just somehow snuck in items and eluded all of the other Wal-Mart employees that would have seen me from the self-check out area all the way to the other side of the store. If that ever happens to me again, in any store in where receipt showing is not routine, I'll say to only show my receipt to them at the line for returns, and then vow to never again visit their location. Is this a fair response? I was wearing gym clothes, but I didn't look sloppy. I don't see why I would be singled out without any probable cause, but the assumption by the worker that I inherently would think to steal $7 worth of items, based on thin air. I work and have a clean criminal record. Unless that employee asks every single person who walks out that door to show their receipt, how is it not discrimination? Do I have any grounds to complain to a manager? I'd like to know that specific chain's policy. It's one way or the other. Either it makes sense they should ask all people to show their receipts, or they should ask nobody, unless there is actual probable cause other than some kind of random stereotype pulled out of that greeter's ass.

Advice man is absolutely correct, my sentiments exactly. I am writing to say that i've shopped both costco and walmart. Yes costco asks practically every person. Walmart doesnt seem to ask every person, but over the volume of times I've been exiting Walmart, there is a percentage of times when I am asked to present a receipt, no matter whether I used self check out or not, no matter if I have just one bag or a cart full with some large items, whether I am along or with husband, and no matter how I am dressed. I have noticed them do these random stops and checks as I call it to others too. I have never worked for Walmart so I can't say what they train their greeters or door people to do besides any security people working there. They may be asked to routinely stop every 5th person exiting the door for all I know for their own reasons. But rest assured, no company who relies on the public to be successful and stay afloat is going to do anything to intentionally piss off customers, they will always have what is to them a valid reason, whether it makes sense to you or not.

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I'm 27 years old and I've been a member of the same church since I was born. I never really considered changing churches until a couple of years ago, but even then I keep thinking I'm gonna move soon, so I figured that there was no point.

Until a couple of years ago, we'd had the same pastor all of my life. We called him Brother Don and he was wonderful. He was a good pastor and although he didn't condone certain things, he taught us not to judge or condemn people who did those things. He loved all of us and he taught us to love each other and love everyone else we come in contact with as well. He treated everyone in the church like family and he gave awesome sermons.

When he left, we had another pastor come for a little while and then had a permanent pastor this past summer. We call him pastor Jason and I don't like saying this about him, but I don't think that he's a very good pastor.

It's hard for me to say these things without sounding judgmental of him and I acknowledge that, but he seems judgmental of others. He doesn't really teach unconditional love, but rather loving only people who go to your church or would be willing to go to your church. Perhaps I'm mistaken about that, but it seems like that's what he was saying. He also seems to like to judge others for the bad things they do.

He doesn't give good sermons and sometimes I feel like we hear more about his oldest son than we hear about God. Brother Don has four children and loves them as much as anyone loves their children, but he didn't talk about them much because he wanted to stay on subject and not tell a story about them unless it applied to the sermon. Jason FORCES stories about his oldest son into the sermon and if he doesn't have one, he just tells one for fun. I know people like to talk about their kids, but when your a pastor and spend most of your sermons talking about them, that's not good. Also it's always JUST his oldest son, never his other two kids and he makes it clear that his oldest is his favorite.. He says it's because his oldest son is adopted and the other two are biological, so he got to choose his oldest, but got stuck with his other two. This makes me wonder more about his character.

I love him and love everyone in the church, but I don't agree with most of them on a lot of things. For instance, this new friend of mine named Dave just came into my life. He happens to be an atheist, so as I Christian, I worry about him, but I love him. I want to be his friend, but so many people in our church hate atheists. They dehumanize them and judge them as being horrible people. They judge me for having anything to do with them and tell me that Christians shouldn't do that. They do the same with my gay friend, John and my jewish friend Spencer. I want to love everyone the way Jesus did, but the church doesn't seem to agree that we should,

So my question is should I feel bad for wanting to change churches?

I must agree Adviceman has a good point that if others felt the same as you do, its better to gather a group of people who work together on getting a replacement. But how to find out? Ask a person what they think of the new pastor, do they like him as well as Brother Don? People may be guarded and afraid to speak up for word getting back to the current Pastor and having trouble then. So you will have to carefully choose what you ask. If they say they like the new pastor better, ask them why and they'll have no problem telling you what they like better about him which probably goes against how you feel a Pastor should be. If they are hesitant to answer and perhaps have a guilty look, you could quietly whisper something to encourage them, "Dont tell anyone but, I personally liked Brother Don better, do you too? They may now have enough confidence to admit it they don't like the current one as much. And you might find a place to talk where other church members aren't around to over hear. Maybe somewhere in the church parking lot? Or going out for lunch after church?
Some may say, well I shouldnt be saying this, or I feel guilty but I personally liked Brother Don better and then you know you have someone willing to spill the beans as to all the things they don't like about the current one. Give them a private secure spot to chat with you and you'll find out how they feel. Once you've found enough that feel the same way, unless one of that group is already an elder in the church, then it's best for the group as a whole to request a meeting with an elder, the one you'd think most open minded and get their ear. I know in a church I went to, a group of elders who didn't like how things were going were able to get change started.

As to feeling guilty for wanting to change churches in case it comes down to that or you'd rather not go the road of finding others to kick out this Pastor, I have another analogy of sorts to share too to help you not feel so guilty.

In any profession in the world, just because someone has a college earned degree to be a Pastor, a Doctor, Nurse, Counselor, Accountant, Lawyer, etc... doesn't mean that they really have a heart for the work they do and the people they come face to face with. As you know already, two Pastors can have the same degree and head knowledge but lack 'heart knowledge'. Same goes for any other service type profession. I have met many a doctor I had no confidence in, who didn't seem to really care about my issues or when I was a caregiver, for the issues of my client. So when you come up against any accountant or doctor you don't like in your life experiences, you change Doctor or accountant without giving it a thought. It should be the same with a Pastor. I left church long ago cus the church I was in was one started/built by the pastor, he wasn't voted in to become the pastor like some churches. So no one was willing to kick him out when things got bad and like in your case he was always telling stories about his oldest son, building the kid up in everyones eyes to prep for putting him in charge of music ministry. After a while, his sermons got worse, less to the point, just rambling on from his life, telling stories like the jaw dropping 'I have no clue what God wants from me and I can;t hear him anymore. He told me to go back and do the last thing he told me to do and I don't remember what that was." He was asking basically for us, the church family to help him find his way back to God? I was growing spiritually on my own as I listened directly to God, surpassing what church men and pastors said as they are just human. God either said the Pastor was right or not to listen to that garbage. (but not in those exact words, hahaha) and there came a point long before his confession where I knew I had outgrown the Pastor and the church spiritually and I wasn't being called to be the teaching type leader there and the Pastor would not be willing to but any person who was more spiritually advanced than him in a place of authority such as Bible study leader, womens group leader, or hubby and I to become Elders. It would too obviously make him look worse in comparison. I wasnt selected to be a greeter to new people coming to the church but I did so anyways due to it being my personality and had more success with new comers coming to me thereafter for friendship and help with anything than the 'official pastor selected greeters'. Yes, there's such a thing as church politics. In many ways, It became too obvious than he was no longer in shepherd position and I the sheep, it had switched without him appointing me to anything, where I was Shepherd quality 'appointed by God to love all people regardless of who they are, no favoritism' and he must have felt like a dumb sheep. For he no longer greeted me or smiled or talked or joked with me. He avoided me. Shortly after, I realized it was time for me to move on. You are the type of person, following a higher calling, to act just as Jesus would. He cared and loved everyone and preferred to visit with taxcollecters and whores over those who were already on the right path. In some churches, to my opinion, people who go feel a need for structure, to be told what to do though they already know if they've read any of the bible, these folks are in a holding pattern. Made a move towards God but stopped when they got close and figured that was close enough. Or perhaps they began to back away and trust man and doctrines more than what god was saying to their hearts. when two people or two groups can't find common ground, it's best they no longer associate together. Same works for you in relationships, if the basic must haves that are most important to you are met in a guy, great...if too many differences that would be harmful or hurtful to you in any way, then its not meant to be.
And lastly, as to having friends who are not Christian, heres a story my Sister told me.

One day her Pastor complained how his daughter was dating a non Christian man and getting really serious. Previously the daughter dated a Christian man who treated her abusively, and didn't love her, was selfish, had a temper...(just because you find a mouse in the cookie jar, it doesnt make him a cookie) and so this supposedly Christian man didn't treat his daughter well. My sister asked him if his daughters welfare was that important that she be happy and healthy in a relationship. He answered yes. She then asked how the non Christian treated her. His answer was that he treated her really well, totally opposite of the Christian man. then she asked, as a Father, not as a Pastor, which do you prefer of the two in how they treat your daughter. "Of course the non Christian" he answered. ANd he began to see the point she was making, if as a Father, he saw the new guy as a better choice over the last for his daughter, God as our heavenly Father must feel the same. It matters not what a person labels themselves, that is of little concern to God, it is how we love all people unconditionally, to love others like God would. After that he supported his daughters choice in a man rather than try to split them up.
Hope this helps you lots dear. good luck and God Bless.

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So... I'll give you a bit of background information. I'm fifteen year old girl, a freshman in high school. My friend is a senior, abd he's seventeen, nearly eighteen. I'm going to prom with him-just as friends. I quite like him, however, and therefore would prefer it if he liked me in return. He's smart, nerdy, sweet, and cute, and I've liked him pretty much all year. A friend of mine told me at some point that he might like me, but I have no idea. He jokes around with me a lot, like he and I will race to see who's first getting to academic team practice, and I'll take his phone and refuse to give it back, and he'll take my book and tease me for being a freshman. He doesn't really do that with anybody else. He always makes me let him drive me home, even though my parents don't like it, because he says he doesn't want me to walk home. Very paternal. He's made a few comments that could be taken as flirting, but would be difficult to explain out of context. So. How do I know if he likes me? Like, what are some signs that he does like me, whether at prom, or in general? And, if you could further enlighten me, What might be a good way to let him know I like him? Also-please no lectures on age gaps, etc. I shouldn't have to explain myself. I just want advice, not to be preached at.

Hon, he's given you all the signs already that he likes you and yes they can be that subtle. To help you understand, lets turn the tables and say you were the one going after some guy to talk to, tease and joke with and ask him to walk you home every day. By the very fact that you seek him out like that, he'd think you like him. Would you choose to go after a guy you don't find attractive, or are repulsed by? Point made.

Further signs to look for are again all subtle, body language. When attracted, a person will smile at or look often at the one they like or love, they will find opportunity to be near them and actually come stand in their personal space which means closer than an arms length away. Neither will be aware they're doing this but its a subconscious way our bodys react to the nearness of someone we like or don't like. You will either stay put or step closer to him or if not interested, you will step away to recreate the space between you. Another is finding opportunitys to touch the other person, none intimate ways, smoothing their hair back or picking something off their hair, face, clothes, giving a pat on back, a friendly punch in the arm, etc... And lastly, two who are interested in each other will do something called mi such as: you move to cross your legs and he puts one leg resting atop the other, your hand goes up to your head maybe to scratch an itch, his hand goes up to his head to do something too almost immediately after you, maybe to also scratch but it can be anything, adjusting glasses, running a hand through his hair. It has been observed by professionals in human studies so you can trust all this.

As to what to say to find out how he feels, you don't want to put him on the spot and make him feel awkward or reluctant to give his truthful answer. So if you want to know if he likes you only as a friend, well that's a given already but to know for sure if he is interested in more than friends, don't give away your feeling in the question, that you can do later if he likes you in return. So her'es how you basically phrase it using your own words:

“ Since we get along so great as Friends, I was wondering how we'd do if we were to try being b/f g/f. What do you think?”

It won't feel as awkward, and he won't feel the pressure of a confession of your feelings. If he's been wanting to date you cus he has feelings for you, he'll jump at the offer and say yes. If he answers no without explanation, don't just wonder forever why...Ask right then. Perhaps his parents don't want him with any girl younger than him due to his age, almost 18. They know the draw when two are interested in each other and to date at your current ages would mean having to date and resist the lure to become sexual (which is inevitable at some point) and having to wait 3 years until you are of legal age of consent.
Your parents don't like the attention he's giving you. They don't know him so naturally any parent of a younger teen girl is going to wonder about the attention of an almost 18 yr old male, since the majority at this age are looking for sex first, not a relationship. But I suppose I'm preaching to the choir here, just letting you know as a mom of 3 girls how I felt at that age. I was more open and hip tho than most parents and told the daughters, any guy interested in them is welcome to come visit her at our house where we can supervise, at least until we get a good feel for him and his character. Later if the urge to have sex got too strong, she was to let me know she wanted to get on birth control and I would take her and make sure she always had a supply of condoms for the guy for STD protection as well.
It doesnt even have to be sex as the main concern for parents, but abuse. Does he treat you and your parents with respect or is he the abusive sort. The amount of teen girls in physically or emotionally abusive relationships is on the rise and just as great a concern for parents.

You may want to have a talk with your parents if you find out he likes you the same in return and ask them what their concerns would be if you were to see a guy older than you? Listen to them and try to understand their responses are only out of concern for your welfare as they love you. Then ask them if they would hear you out for a minute with an alternative plan for now where both you get what you want and their concerns are taken care of. Then bring up the idea of him being able to visit you at your home when they are there to supervise until they can get a feel for him. Then perhaps by time he goes off to college, you all can sit and talk again for re-evaluations. What do they think of him now? Do they trust you in his care to the point they no longer need to supervise? Of course, this is only if they go for it. I've actually talked to a couple teen girls on here where that was their situation, the parents let the boyfriend come to their home and grew to love and trust him so much that the girls were allowed to be sexual with the boyfriends but one guy wasnt 18 yet. Good luck with all that!






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I know this may sound crazy, but I made up this person up in my head and I want to be her. I really can't be her because it is impossible. I love to think about her going on adventures and stuff,but I want to be this person so bad that I get depressed when I think about her. I try to stop but at random times if I am bored or just any time actually, I find myself thinking about her. Please help, am I going crazy, or is this just normal? Btw I am 13.

No matter what you think, that's actually quite normal and in a slightly different way of looking at it, quite helpful in boosting a persons self confidence. I wanted that after a divorce, so whenever I stepped out of the house, where ever I went, I pretended in my head to be a certain actress with alluring eyes and I felt my eyes to be my most attractive feature. I pictured in my head looking exactly like her and mind me, I'm in my 40's doing this. It worked AMAZINGLY! Nope, I didn't end up looking like the actress or even sounding or acting like her. But something invisible was there, a self confidence in just my eyes. After a while, I no longer had to visualize it for where ever I went, strangers male and female plus friends were commenting on how beautiful my eyes were. I wasn't wearing heavy makeup or none on some occasions. So this tells me, people can pick up on our confidence in our own beauty and see us the same way. A person without self confidence is rarely noticed for the same reasons...lack of that invisible belief in self for others to pick up on. In your case, you made up one in your head instead of using certain actresses. At 13, you may be limited on doing some things, that you need to be an adult to do or have the freedom of being an adult and making decisions for your life so there no reason to say something is going to be unattainable to you or impossible in the future until you've given it a chance and it didn't work. In your mental game here, just work on accomplishing the smaller things for now. Try the experiment I did, maybe its' your hair you're happiest with. Maybe its something like you've got the healthiest pretty shaped nails and imagine others noticing how you have the prettiest most stunning nails. It can be anything, including people noticing your smile, your sense of humor. But set smaller goals and accomplish getting each one successfully met before going on to the next and this should eliminate the feeling of depression over trying to accomplish all at once.

That riddle: How does one eat an elephant? One bit at a time. it applies to you dear. You looking at the whole elephant and getting depressed because it seems to be a thing to ever achieve. Break it into bite size pieces and work on it over time. Good luck!!!

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20, female.
I have been chating online and texting with this guy I meet on a dating site for months. We have a lot in common and I googled him to see if he was not catfishing me. He seems to be who he says he is. We plan on meeting soon and I am completely nervous. Recently, at school one of my classmates asked me out. I said maybe and we left it at that. We are working together on a project and I don’t want drama to affect my grade. Also, I don’t feel that it’s okay to say yes when I am seeing someone else. We have not established a relationship status yet and don’t want to lie and say I have a boyfriend already. I plan on telling my project partner about the other guy after the project is over. We became friends and I don't want to hurt him.

Technically, you wouldnt be lying in saying you have no boyfriend. It all depends on what you are comfortable with as a person. Many males will keep their potential dating and relationship options open and see several gals at one if the opportunity presents itself, not on purpose looking for them all at once. Then they make their decision later depending on how well they get along with each and which one they develope strong feelings for. Women aren't usually portrayed this way, just waiting for a guy to ask her out and only choosing one. There is nothing wrong with honesty in telling a guy that you are not currently in a committed relationship...and are keeping your options open as far as seeing guys until you've spent enough time to decide which you have the most chemistry with who feels the same for you and at that point make a commitment. People seem to assume a commitment to be someones g/f, b/y is made by just accepting a date, when that isn't so and that is what causes trouble with jealousy and other such things.
No actual promises made = no commitment.
So you could be honest with both guys if no promise has been made to either and actually see both of them at the same time period until you have enough info to actually make a decision. If you are equally attracted to the looks of both, or personalitys of both, it would make sense to check them both out further. If you want to take this path, then explaining to males isn't usually a problem unless they have a very low self esteem and which case, they are immediately exposed by not liking your terms. Most men actually do not mind at all. I was on a dating site...how I met 2nd husband and I explained to the guy that if I agreed to an appt. to meet them for coffee that I wasn't making a commitment to him. If anyone who seemed to have promise came along, I would meet with and see other guys until I had gathered enough information to make my choice. Believe me, all the men got it and understood. Maybe a young male may not but even at that age, its okay when they're doing the same. So it's really up to you and what you decide to do. In committing to one, if in the long run, you find out there were major hidden issues you can't live with and break it off, the other may in meanwhile have become 'taken' and dating in a committed relationship and no longer available to you as a 2nd option. My personal choice was to see both at once in order to not risk losing an opportunity with either. Otherwise, if thats just not you, make a list of pro's and con's as best as you know them and use it to make your decision. then you tell the other, you've met someone with which you have a better chemistry. No further explanation needed. Guys seem to understand the word "Chemistry" because, although they may not say it or speak it, but its what they are looking for when they meet a girl.

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http://youtu.be/ODIT3tGbR5A Be brutally honest. On a scale of 1 to 10

I think you may have been nervous doing the video to begin with and yes, it's scary to think of how people might criticize your singing.

I had to listen 3 times to finally pick out the words. It is better if its clear to understand the lyrics the first time for listeners.
Of course, I am older and perhaps my ears aren't hearing as sharp as they should. But I assume you want you music to be heard by everyone, no matter what their age. So I would slow it down or enunciate a bit more. I know a gal at church who sang solo's often and sounded much like you. She took voice lessons and as a result sounded even better though already pretty good. On a positive side, I am sure you already know that from all the singing talent on TV, many can be in tie for greatest but the one who usually gets the votes of standing out among the best is the one who sings with feeling and soul in their music. People pick up on the emotion and I hear some of that with you. As is, you're good enough in todays world to sing in choirs, in a rock band or some such public venue. But if it comes to meeting what I consider the unrealistic qualitys in some cases of what TV portrays, I am sure the general world may not be unanimous about your talent.
Are you good? Yes, to me you are. But I have my own tastes in singers too so you will get varying answers on a scale of one to ten. Even those who'd qualify on Americas got talent, never make it. If you want a career making a living singing, you could easily do so, but continue to work on your voice. While also getting used to performing in front of people maybe a hired singer for Weddings, in a choir, band, or just doing kareoke at public places. Not being a skilled singer myself, I would give you 8.

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I'm 20 and female and the guy I'm talking to is 22. He is a former US Navy Seal and while I do really enjoy his company and talking to him at work, I feel like his feelings are growing while mine are diminishing. He has been diagnosed with PTSD and therefore could not reenlist back into the Navy to get placed back into being a seal. He came home back in November and is pretty distraught that he could not reenlist due to his PTSD but he's coming to terms with it. Which is one of the first red flags for me, I study human behavior and the mind as a major in college so I know when you get diagnosed with PTSD, there is a very slim chance you only get that so I asked to which he told me he also has depression and anxiety.. he tried to kill himself 25 times and barely ever gets sleep due to night terrors. So, if I do want to take things further, that's something I really have to keep in mind that if we ever spend the night together or something, he won't sleep and I have to worry about him wanting to take his life over something. I know it's selfish of me to not want to get involved in that but I can't go into something when I know he's not only tried to kill himself, but tried to kill himself 25 times in 22 years and when I asked what his suicide tendencies are causal to, he texted me back "....." which is fine if he didn't want to tell me but he could've texted me back that he wouldn't rather talk about it instead of periods so I got a little irritated and didn't text him back so he texted me maybe an hour later and said he doesn't want to tell me because he doesn't want to lie. But then he goes to tell me that he thinks his night terrors are starting to go away and he said they started getting lesser when we started talking more which makes me feel horrible.

Anyway, we only talk at work but we have each other's numbers so we do text sometimes but one thing that kind of bothers me is that he only texts me when he's working, like that's the only time I'm good for him, when he has to stay awake to work his overnight shifts. I have trouble sleeping sometimes due to my stress from finishing my junior year of college so he knows I'll most likely be awake when I text him and he's flirty during that time but if I fall asleep and wake up and text him back, it's usually one to maybe five words so I just never answer him.

Another thing that definitely turned me off is his mother. She used to work where the both of us work so I knew her long before him and she was pretty cool when I knew her first. But she came into my work the other night to drop him off....that's another thing, he's 22 and doesn't have his license and doesn't seem to be making any effort to change that...and she immediately began with "you're friends with me on Facebook and didn't even tell me that you were talking to my son?" so I told her I didn't even really put two and two together until about a week ago when another girl I work with told me his last name. She went off about how this girl that told me his last name used to have feelings for him and when he didn't reciprocate the feelings, she apparently got mad and started rumors about him and continued to say "I don't get involved in my child's relationships but if you start pulling that shit, I will f*ck you up." Like, she's a mother talking like that about an 18 year old girl to another 20 year old girl that could've potentially been a new girlfriend. Then she continued on with saying "What's this I hear you want to take him to Kiwi?" --- Kiwi is a frozen yogurt place, I go there with all of my friends, it's kind of a local hang out for all of us --- so I told her that I really liked it there and I thought he would too and she told me, didn't even ask me, "I'm going to Facebook message you my address, he's off all this weekend, come pick him up and take him." I was shocked, like I'm in my last two weeks of my junior year in college and she's telling me to take her son out, all while I'm trying to write these end of the year papers and study for exams and research internships I need to apply for in my senior year and work my part time job every night for four hours.

Another thing he likes to do, now I'm not sure if he does it on purpose or maybe he does it subconsciously as a symptom of his depression and PTSD, but he'll put himself down all the time and I always have to tell him that he isn't what he says he is. I feel like his mother. The other night he whatever'd me and I told him I hated when he did that so he said he won't do it anymore and I joked and told him that he told me that before and he said "I really won't now, I forgot, I'm retarded" and I had to tell him "stop, you're not retarded." to which I replied the morning I woke up and his response around 8 am (when he finishes work at 7 am) was "yeppers" so I didn't even answer. Or he'll tell me he's fat all the time, anything to put himself down almost like he expects me to dote on him.

Another thing he does that I'm not a fan of is he never really asks me about me. I always ask him about his time in the military and his issues coming out of it and he has no problem sharing stories to which I really have no problem listening to because like I said, I study this stuff so it is intriguing to me. But he will never say something like "oh we talk about me all the time, how are you?" Or he'll never ask me how school was or how work is but yet, when I'm up at 4:30 in the morning texting him while he's at work, I always ask how it is. I have issues with my family, so I told him one day that I had to drive about an hour away even though I didn't want to because I sometimes just dread being with my family because there's so much going on. He asked me why I get stressed when I have to hang out with my family and I told him "if only you knew some of the stories" and he just blatantly said "yeah, I don't want to, lol"

Now don't get me wrong, there are good things about him. One night he walked me to my car because there's another over night worker that hits on my but he's much older than I am so it freaks me out sometimes so he walked me to my car so this other guy wouldn't catch me and hit on me on the way out. He also has his own nickname for me to play off my how he says "bubbly personality" which he uses all the time. I like his funny personality and how hard he works at work and how gentlemanly he is to people that I know he doesn't like.

What do I do? I can't really cut contact with him, I see him every night at work when I'm leaving and he's coming in so I have to still talk to him and be civil with him but he keeps asking me to hang out and I don't know if I should because I know he might try something. Or am I being irrational, do you think I should give him a chance?

Any input is much appreciated. I'm twenty and only had one boyfriend because my mom claims I'm just way too picky, I just don't know if I can deal with him or not on a romantic level when all of this is going on with just a friendship happening.

With studying human behavior and or psychology, an important factor is to realise why you were even drawn to such studies and jobs before you begin to see the whole picture here with this friend.
There are many mature souls who are born into lives of 'Service' as I best can describe it. We are the ones who reach out to try to help others. My husband is one, I am one but it doesnt mean that we won't have periods of time where we ourselves will need a helping hand. So I am glad you wrote in. My answer will be long like your explanation but I really want to share some of my life examples and what I have learned, so bear with me.

You can't change who you are at core, if you are meant to go throughout life being of service or in service to people. People like this take jobs as counselors, doctors, nurses, caregivers, or just in general life are the ones volunteering time to help the homeless, volunteer on an advice column (grin) or just reach out to help and encourage any person they come into contact with in life whom you can tell badly needs someone to believe in them and love and encourage them. I believe you may be one of those people meant to be 'in service'. The only pitfall to being one of these people is that too often we fail to keep those who need our help separate from our personal mate or what we think may be a potential one. You have a way bigger list of Cons on a pros and cons list regarding this guy for having a gf/bf relationship. And its' easy to confuse our feelings of caring for them as possibly having feelings.
Not just spouting words dear. At 20 I married and it was an abusive marriage but I felt that my love and dedication and prayers to God could make things turn around. Never did. I left 30 yrs later and now have a new husband of almost 6yrs who is wonderful. The ex was a person with problems, needy, unable to stand on own in some areas without support. I was the strong one in the marriage. He was the weak one. In your situation, it would be the same. Which means it is meant to end in doom because it takes two 'whole' and strong people fully dedicated to putting equal amount of energy into a relationship for it to be successful. I know from failure and now, success. Sometimes, it doesnt have to even be a romantic relationship but a needy person finds you're the only one who's willing to be there for them to lean on and to catch them and they are just a friend. This friend becomes an issue if it takes time away from and disrupts your own life or prevents you from having the time to even pursue or create it. This is the kind of person who will need life long support and that eventually wears out a person, even if meant to be in service...we must have time to ourselves where we can be loved and feel regenerated by the love of our life, an equal partner.
Your situation is too close to home. I may have learned a lesson late in life. I now see my youngest daughter repeating it. She is trying to be 'in service' to a young man exactly like yours, same problems plus one more, he was injured and on disability. She loves him much and he says the only person who really understands him and can calm him when he is exhibiting destructive behavior is her. Maybe so. But unless you want that to be your role in life til the day you die, being totally the caregiver emotionally and in some ways physically (like the driver, etc) for one person, then it's your choice if you want them to be your life long project with no room for any other love interest in your life.

One person alone can't be enough to help along someone like him, he needs a team of people and experts to help him deal with life. I used to be a caregiver (no big surprise) and I was only one of a team of people this mentally challenged person had to 'be there for them', her grandpa who raised her, my boss, myself and a team of 4 basic doctors including 2 mental health, a vocational and job counselor for the disabled, her social worker and leader of a womens club for disabled women were her support team. It is unrealistic for one person to do it all. It is even more unrealistic to think you will ever get your needs met for romance and an equal partner who is strong enough to be there for you emotionally and physically on the days you need a helping hand, in a person with his needs and issues.
His mother may have started the whole ball of wax, can't say for sure. though she Sounds very overbearing, controlling, opinionated, bossy, nosy, etc and likely is the reason for his lack of self confidence. The other issues may surely come from elsewhere but he was already too easy a target for the other issues based on his childhood and how he was raised. It would be smart to avoid ever thinking of being girlfriend or life partner to someone like this, where you would inherit a meddling mother in law to heap on more pressure than just that of working to help him.

You do have your own mental, emotional and physical health to think of. The stress of such a job if you're his only support, is going to play havoc with one or several of those areas. I was able to hold myself together emotional and mentally but the stress went straight into my body and I began to have all sorts of problems, constant headaches with one average a migraine per year, stomach ulcers, all over body skin rashes that came and went and eventual high blood pressure not to mention a few other things. I suffer from none of those since I left him. And you can't prevent such things from happening to your body. It's a slow process, over the years, you're young, but why ask for trouble health wise if 10-12 yrs down the road you'll begin to see the problems in your own body. We aren't meant to take that kind of stress 24-7. Even the professionals have office hours to work with people like your friend. and then they have their down time to regenerate.
I never had, being married to such a guy. So I hope you see that marriage or even a friendship where you're with him almost 24-7 or on phone with him, leaves you no time to regenerate and is not healthy for you.
I had to learn that I had to care about myself first, (its not selfish) if doing so to make sure you are keeping yourself balanced and healthy in all ways by taking care of your basic needs first so that you can be available to give time to be in service to someone. You can't be available to help others if you end up messed up and stressed out yourself. You may have to direct him towards other persons/professionals to help him build his own support team. This is too big a project for one person. Hope this helps you dear.

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After a lot of baby name searching, your brain gets foggy. Are these names that we chose for our twins normal?
Boy: Dean Harvey
Girl: Spencer Guin

I wouldn't use the word "normal" when describing names. People these days make up names for their babys that doesn't exist in any baby name book or website. Just because they may be only 3 of such names in the world doesn't make them not normal, but unique and different. The names you have are common enough to have been heard before by people but not as common as Joe, Tom, John, Bill or Bob. I have only known personally of one Dean and one Spencer in my whole life and I'm in my 50s.
What matters more is why you are choosing the names. When naming my daughters, we decided we wanted Bible names. Since the second letter of my and husband and first childs name was the same, I decided by the naming of 2nd and 3rd to choose names that also had matching 2nd letter. Some name after relatives, or just seek uncommon names. My Mom did that successfully with 3 or her 4. None were common at the time and only one is today. I only once briefly met a gal with my name, one with a sisters, and never met anyone with my brothers name. Its nice to have a unique name. Only thing important to me was that the two names rolled off the tongue easy, sounded like they went together, sounding melodic. But whatever names you like, choose them for your own reasons, even if it has something to do with the meaning behind the name.

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I'm going to get straight to the point. I am interested in this kid in one of my classes. We have full on conversations and text sometimes. The only thing is it's towards the end of the semester and at my college, I'm a first year and he's a second year. So in the fall he will be headed to another college. I really am interested in him and have strong feelings for him. It's difficult to tell if he's interested in me or not. Anyway's, should I tell him how I feel? Or should I just forget it and move on. I just found out he was a second year.. and I am really upset because I really wanted things to work out with him.

There is body language to clue us in sometimes whether a person is interested in you. Does he smile often, laugh at your jokes, find reasons to be near you and stand close? Does he seek you out first or do you have to go looking for or calling/texting first? He could still be interested if he doesnt show any obvious signs maybe due to feeling intimated regarding you being a year older.
My best way to take a current friend and check to see if it can be something more is to phrase it something like this: Phil, we seem to get along great as friends and I enjoy spending time with you. So naturally, I am wondering if there might be a possibility of us being more than friends. I am very attracted to you and would love the opportunity to check out and see how we do as bf/gf. So what do you think?

Use your own words but make it sound like an idea to try rather than a fact that you are professing to have strong feelings. Those feelings can be explored if he's game which he would be if he felt the same...its a given. But asking in this way will get you an answer to whether he's interested or not without making him feel put on the spot or awkward about giving you the truth if he feels differently. If he's interested, you'll need in person time together to build the relationship, even if going to another school. If close enough to do the travel and spend some weekends together, there's a chance for it to work. If your only choice will be to do the LDR thing, those rarely work out, as chatting on line hooks your emotional self in but the sexual part of relationship is missing and it is too easy for you or him, no matter how strong you feel to turn to the nearby interested person to feel held, cuddled and kissed... But in the end, it is your decision. Just know that no matter what why you go, it will be a battle to keep a brand new relationship going, however you have a few months here before Fall, so if serious, I'd make the best of them and spend lots of time together bonding the relationship if he's interested. Good luck

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I started my period on the 17th of March and it ended on the 19Th. (3 DAYS LONG) (started and ended over night) picked up my husband I am now separated from on the 23Rd of March (4 days after my period) had sex. From the 26th of march to today, everyday I have been sleeping with my bf. Both men fished inside,
I have a normal 28-30 day cycle.
AND I am now pregnant. is there a possibility it's my husband's? Or is it most definitely my bFs. Both men are aware of the situation and are supportive.

It's not as much a fact of when a female had her period,but more as to when she was ovulates in determining if theres a chance of being pregnant. So when you ovulate can vary slightly due to length of period before your body is ready for the countdown to ovulation. If you are not checking yourself daily to see if you are ovulating, it's impossible to know, no women ovulate 4 days after a period. It's usually 14 days after the date of first day of period and a doctor would take into account the dates of first date of the two periods before your last. Use the calculator link I've added to determine when you may have been ovulating. Once you know that date, keep in mind that experts say sperm can survive on the average, 3 to 7 days in the vagina. Add 7 days to the 23rd and you have the 30th. So if you ovulated around the end of month, there's a possibility of you being pregnant by the ex. The best way to know if once baby is born, have a paternity test down. Maybe there's a safe way to check while baby is in utero at a certain age, just check with Dr.

http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/sperm-and-semen-faq

http://www.webmd.com/baby/healthtool-ovulation-calculator

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My classmate's friend ask for my number but i didn't give my number for a reason that i'm only have landline and replying would be too expensive. After that I still see my classmate's friend but he didn't approach or talk to me. 3 weeks or so.. he added me on facebook and i accepted it... but again, after that he didn't bother to message me.... few days past he likes one of my photo albums. but until now.. he still don't talk or approach me. His friends seems to know about me 'coz they tease him to me. I'm confused and don't want to be played anymore. Please help me.. what should I do? what is he really up to? Does he like or want to be in a relationship with but shy? or he's just playing me? Thank you.

You have very good questions. I wish I magically knew the answers but the best way to get your answers is to ask him. And since the two of you are not even hanging out as friends yet, just traded number and accepted on Facebook does not constitute a possibility of relationship. And as has been suggested, he may be shy. So really the best thing is to ask if he'd like to be friends and hang out doing stuff together. find out what he likes that you like to and start spending time together. While getting to be good friends if alls going well and you both still seem to enjoy each then ask him if since you get along well as friends, would he be interested in trying to date to each. If he says no at that point, he never had a romantic interest, just a friendship interest. If he wants that too he'll say yes and he didn't have to do the asking. Good luck

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Hallo am Julius from kenya am 25year am a Male, here is my question,
It is my second year in love relationship. And we trust each other. We are both new in relationshp. So i requested my love for sex bt her excuse is that Julius Am virgin and am not fan of that lets wait till marriage my question is
Is it fear coz we are both new in romantic relationshp
Is it that the girl is afraid of her bodqy and shyness

Advice
Thank you, Am julius

Hello Julius,

Some females do like to wait until marriage and that is her choice so as already said, don't push her.
You did say it's a love relationship so there would be only one concern on my part due to my own life experience, of being a virgin at 20 when I married. I found out that we were not a match sexually.

A person can be deep in love with someone for their personality and make the best of friends. Equally impoortant is that there is a strong sexual attraction and romance. With out that, a man will not be very happy in a relationship since the female will not want sex often if she doesn't like it. And lots has to do with the guy being the right one, having the right chemistry with her. Even without having sex, you can know pretty well ahead if there is that romantic pull between you, especially on her part. Ask yourself if she loves to kiss you, cuddle, hold hands, find opportunitys to touch you often. If she is responsive when you hold her and kiss her, then there is likely a strong enough connection between you and she is simply afraid of the unknown as far as sex is concerned. If she treats you more like her brother all the time, it isn't going to magically change on your Wedding night or for the future. This is something you both need to have in common before marrying. If not, she may not be the right girl for you, no matter how much she loves you and you her in other ways.
The sex part is one half of a strong foundation for a relationship and the other being each others best friend. You can't do without one or the other.

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Im 16 and a female. My ex and I have been on and off for about 2 years. We were so in love and I still love him and he tells me he still loves me. When we broke up 2 years ago, 6 months into our relationship, he had sex with my ex best friend. We started talking again and I found out after we started back talking. I let it go cause we weren't together and the girl was a backstabber anyway. The next year we got back together for 1 month. I got a guy's snapchat name and he accused me of flirting with the guy. We stopped talking and then started back, he even bought me a Valentines bear. I found out he got oral sex from a girl day before Valentines. We stopped talking. Now he's telling me how much he wants to change and he has. I don't want to look like the dumb girl. He never did this stuff while we were dating though. What should I do?

In our teens, we are really just starting the relationship thing with dating and with no prior experience, it is always a road filled with potholes and road blocks, and thus, the on again off again relationship. I am sure you desire a steady relationship. That will come when a couple things occur, One: You find the right guy Two:Both of you are willing to learn together the right way to do a relationship and that takes reading and studying just as you would for any subject in school. If placed in a kitchen and told to create a chef quality meal without the aid of a cookbook and you have no experience cooking before, how successful would you be? Same goes for dating and relationships.
Now the only thing thats missing here is knowing whether the two of you were sexual together. All I know is that he was being sexual with other girls while you were apart, but not whether the two of you were. If you were not and you don't want to do that yet, a good reason for your relationship problems is that he may be in it only to try to get sex from you and would prefer it with you but will take it where ever he can get it. Not all, but many teen boys seek sexual satisfaction over a relationship.
You mention love and it may be true. But I was married 30 yrs to a man who professed to love me and yet the relationship was rocky and abusive.
In the end a a friend with past counseling degree asked him if he was in love with me and he dodged the question at first. Deep down a person does know whether the love they feel is love like a preferance for something, I love chocolate or I love going to the beach. Be to be in love is way different. In love means, you're willing to take a bullet to save the life of the one you love...it's that extreme, yes. Not that you have to ever do such a thing but you know you care that deeply that if you ever lost the person, you;d have an extreme difficulty in going on with life, struggling with not wanting to live it without them. This is more than just a hurting heart but total desolation. Just telling you the difference so you can figure it out yourself whether the right love is there for both of you, not just one.
Another point to keep in mind is that the only person we can ever really own is ourselves. We can own property, cars, etc. but another human being can never be owned in a relationship and even a marriage license doesn't count here.
this means we can't ever have a claim of ownership on a person, whether with them or not. I hope not to mislead anyone with that statement. But what should be happening if two people are deeply in love, is instead of claiming ownership, they make a choice to give themselves to that other person and the connection is so strong that tho they make look at others, they are not attracted to them to date or marry because they want the whole ball of wax, not just the sexual connection but fall in love with the others personality and there is no need for a vow that might be broken. A vow or promise isn't what holds people together cus if it were, there'd be no divorces in the world. My husband and I acknowledge we have no right to expect each others devotion just because we are a couple. We each make a choice daily to give it. Its given, not demanded by each other. That slight difference in our way of thinking about and viewing our relationship makes it so much more solid than the average one out there. And yet each of us knows, that there's always a possibility that something could change in the future, where one of us isn't getting our needs met any longer and its too easy for one of us to divorce just as we both did once before with other partners. So we make sure to cultivate and nourish our relationship with the same care a little seedling gets and so it flourishes. I wish the same for you some day. You must decide for yourself if theres a possibility to have the kind of relationship I mention with this guy or not. And don't forget to look at yourself and challenge yourself to grow in any areas that may be contribute to a healthy relationship. We all have or had those. I did too and had to learn to change some things about me in order to have what i have today in a relationship.
Good luck!

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