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Too many changes too fast
I really need some advice. Lately, a lot of my friends have been getting married. The thing is, it hasn't been those that I was real close to. I just found out yesterday my best friend is pregnant!! I know she and her bf hooked up, but I thought they were playing it safe. Last Monday was when she found put she was expecting. Her and her boyfriend plan to get married after they finish high school. I have one more year of high school before I go a couple of years to a junior college, then I will be leaving the state for a different college. I'm scared of what will happen to our friendship. So many things are changing so quickly, and I'm scared. My mom and her best friend hardly talk now that they are both married, and I'm worried that will happen to us, especially with us already living about 40 minutes away from each other. I know once she gives birth, she won't be able to stay over at my house anymore, and it will be very rarely when we see each other. Things will especially be tough when I leave the state for a couple of years. I hope to move back after then, but what will become of us? She's the only person I've ever been able to tell everything to. We had been planning to after we get married have girl nights and date nights together to still spend lots of time together, but I don't even have a boyfriend and I'm afraid our plans might change after she gets married and has her child. What do I do????ðŸ˜
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
There's two issues here as I see from my own life experiences, one is the dynamics of what happens when one friend becomes married and others are still single. If only one or two friends are married and the majority of a group of friends are still single, you'll find the single friends are reluctant to spend time with you now that you're married, (My situation, married at 20) and it was for fear of intruding or taking away time from our relationship as a few admitted and the other I figured out from observations, it made them uncomfortable or they found they couldn't relate to the same things not being in relationships or a marriage themselves. Sometimes its simply the reminder that they are still single when they wish they weren't. So as a result, slowly our single friends faded into the background, their choice and we made more new friends with young married couples. I missed the single friends and wished they wouldn't make themselves so distant. So keep it in mind that if theres any way time wise to fit in visits, continue to see your friends who are married or mothers.
The other issue is that when we graduate HS or college, any friends made during that time, we are not likely to see often. I'm gonna guess its the same for 90% of us, Unless someone lives in small tiny town and starts working there after HS and so does their friends, life takes all of us on our own paths and it is pretty much inevitable that friends who saw each other daily at school are now not going to see each other hardly at all. It's worse when its a best friend you had that connection to. I must admit my best friend who as a pre teen moved away when her family relocated to another state, was someone I hardly saw again. We kept in touch with writing letters until the internet came along. She found me on facebook and we keep in touch that way. I have not found another female I've been that close to except for one co-worker and that's it. I don't lack for friends but none are that close with me, with the exception of my current husband who is my best friend and what we have surpasses what I had with my childhood friend.
I know it won't make you feel any better to know others go thru the same thing. So how to deal with it, or feel any better? The best cure is time, is going ahead with your life path and focusing on your life, getting your schooling and making new friends along the way. Not as a replacement for the others you dont see as often, just new people you like and get along with for their own unique personalities. Make sure you keep in mind what are the top priorities in your life and those can change over the years. Here's a good example. I read on a dating site that men have multiple priorities in their life that all deserve attention in their mind but if a girlfriend wasn't one of his top 3 priorities, then you fall too low on the totem pole to maintain a healthy happy relationship for both. And she is advised to stop seeing him.
I've thought about the priorities thing. I believe we all have a priority list in life, females too. And it changes along our life depending where we're at. While in HS, my family, school work, and my friends were top priorities, when you graduate, it's either a job that becomes a priority or going to college and with that, financial responsibilities you didn't have before. I went straight to work, saved up and got a car, met a guy at church and got married. Friends went off to college. Some I didn't reconnect with until they were out of college and married. Bu then, I noticed we already didn't have quite as much in common as we did in HS, at least for the majority of them. What you experience in life will help shape you into a different person than who you are today. Parts of you stay the same, your personality but things you like, your core values, beliefs and such can change. Mine have by my 50s changed so drastically that I have nothing in common anymore with any of the friends I went to HS with.
So in the end, all you can do is your best to stay in touch, have addresses, phone numbers and contacts on any and all social websites theyare on and anytime one of your changes an address or phone number to remember to let these friends know. failure on my part or theirs was how I lost touch with some friends. It wont be easy in the beginning hon, and there'll be an empty spot inside you. But if you don't allow this fact of life to freeze you up from continuing with yours, you'll find that after time, you'll make the transition and find new friends who you see more often due to they are co workers, your neighbors, young moms at a toddlers meet up group, etc... and that you see less of your old friends. If you can accept that as a natural cycle of life, you'll do well. If you can't, you'll make yourself miserable. Good luck.
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