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Unhealthy attachment to coworker?
im 24 single female he's a 35 single male with an 8 year old daughter. Anyway we've worked together for almost s year and pretty much became best friends. We've never dated although I always thought there was some chemistry there because we flirt all the time. We go out to lunch together daily and he always makes a point to come to my desk and just talk until he gets in trouble and goes back to his desk. I know we're just friends because he talks about picking up girls at bars all the time and my confidence is way too low to even bother trying to make it anything more than friendship.I had a boyfriend up until 4 months ago but even while dating him I loved flirting with my coworker. So last week he takes a temporary leave due to his other job taking up a lot of his time. And I was completely crushed. They've already found someone to replace him and I already hate the new guy. I feel depressed going to work and not seeing him there. The days last way too long and I dread having to go. I was offered a new job a few months ago and didn't take it because I didn't wanna leave the place I'm at but I'm realizing it wasn't cause I love my current job but it's because he was there and made me love it and now that he's gone I just wanna quit and find a different place. Is that weird? There's something wrong with that right?
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You're not the first to enjoy (and stay in) a job more because you liked a fellow employee than the job itself. And you won't be the last either. Now he's not there, you don't much like the place at all, or what you do. First off, you really need to get him a message in some way to see if the relationship can exist outside of the job. You say your confidence is low, and it couldn't have gone further. Are you sure this is the case? You can't really be 100 percent certain until you try. There'll be no awkward moments at work like there would have been if you'd made the move and had it rejected while you were both there. If you don't make some move you won't see him again. So what have you got to lose? Don't dwell on it, don't think about doing this....just DO IT. The romantic interest and all the fun of flirting has gone from the job. That doesn't mean it's a bad job. If the pay and terms are good for what you do, and there's a clear promotion pathway (and opportunities to get on the path) then you might as well stay. He won't be at the job you leave yours in favour of either, will he? It will be a 'change of scene' and no more, and that will soon wear off I'm afraid. And of course, you'll take all your memories with you. On a more positive note, if better opportunities ARE out there, and come up, you won't stay for the wrong reason next time. Start putting some cv's out if you think the job really isn't for you and it's got no real prospects. You can do that. The firms you approach won't tell your current company you're approaching them. At least, not until the offer is firm, and they want a reference from your old boss. By then, you won't worry if they do...you're out of there and off to new pastures! Hope you have good fortune with your already badly missed co-worker and something might grow here that's bigger and better than this job, or any other. Tell him just how you feel. ASAP. X
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Quitting and finding a new job just to earn money to pay the bills is up to you. But it won't change you missing the guy cus he won't be there either unless you find where he's working and apply there for a job and get accepted. A lot of if's that may not happen. It's understandable to feel crushed and sad to lose someone you have a great friendship with. If the only connection you have with a great person is at work and neither have each others cell number or friends on facebook, then you chance losing connection if either you or they were to leave the company. I still have a couple females as friends on facebook and phone number of one I used to work with. I am able to stay in contact.
I know what you mean about enjoying a place because of someone who works there, and it didn't have to be work, I enjoy a visit to a store when a certain employee is working at check out and would prefer to go thru their line and we greet each other as friends even though we only know each other as cashier and customer.
the unfortunate thing, is nothing else will magically happen to take such friendships further if we don't make some personal effort to make it happen. It's not unhealthy. No. But if it consumes your life to the point what you feel is affecting all areas of your life in a bad way, then it becomes unhealthy. But its certainly not unusual for one coworker to enjoy work more because of the presence of certain people and its a given you'll miss them terribly and nothing feels the same at work. As far as you wanting to quit and find other work, just have a good reason for it, if to find better pay, you need more challenge, to learn some new skill, better work hours, but to get over not seeing him anymore, that part doesnt make sense unless its the surroundings, the place that reminds you of him. If thats so, find a better job first, then quit and see if that helps you although theres no guarantee it will. Time is usually the best healer and the pain of loss slowly grows less over time more surely than it does over changing locations unless its an absolute must for reasons of safety or such.
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