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Never believed in "love at first sight" now i'm second guessing it.
Female; 19.
I have loved two people in my life and have thought I loved people before then. I've never even really had crushes on people based on appearance. My last relationship was amazing and I truly believed that he was the one, he was 22 and everything i had ever wanted in my "dream guy". He told me he wanted to marry me one day and it all seemed so sure. Unfortunately it was bad timing his band just got signed, he hated his job and he was loosing his remaining parent to cancer. We broke up and we still love each other and are hoping things could one day down the road be fixed. It's been devastating and left me feeling empty and too emotionally drained to even show emotion.
But recently I keep running into this guy who isn't really "my type" even though he is alternative like I am. The first time I met him I was at a bus stop and he smiled and sat next to me and asked if he could smoke near me. We kept glancing back and forth at each other. He had kind features and his smile made me light up in a way I haven't felt in a while. I'm not really attracted to his appearance, but there's something about him that I like. I didn't think much of it until I was with my friend getting off the train and saw him again, our eyes met and we shared that same smile. It's been making me think about "love at first sight" (not that i'm saying I'm in love with this guy) but I do feel this connection I never experienced before that confuses me. I'm not a very spiritual person and have always been a skeptic about destiny and all that stuff, but I almost feel like the fact that there is that connection and that we keep running into each other means it's fate?
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I believe I understand whats happening. Same happened to me, it was an incredible experience and I can see how you might think it was love at first sight. I do believe that such a thing exists although it is very rare. When I had this happen, I was in my forties, divorced, just parked the car in the driveway next to daughters house. I'd given her and baby granddaughter a ride somewhere and we'd just arrived home. As I lifted baby out of car seat and stood, just 12- 15 ft away on front sidewalk, a man was walking his dog and he slowed, time actually seemed to slow too as our eyes met and I knew there was an instant mutual attraction. I instinctively can say it wasn't based on our appearances, just our close proximity as I hadn't even had a chance to really focus and take in his looks, it just I just feel a sense to look in that direction and when I did, there he was and i was hit with the feeling instantly. I know it was an overwhelming strong pheremone connection, and pheremones are something invisible that our bodies emit that works in the attraction process. Many mammals have this. So do humans. But there are many types and if you're with someone where you don't have a strong pheremone connection or none at all, you can get to like them as a friend but will never be attracted to them sexually and for good relationships, you need both friendship and sexual compatibility. Few people end up with someone they have this kind of connection with. On a scale of 1-10, what I feel with my 2nd husband is 10. What I felt when eyes connected with that guy, twice cus he looked back over his shoulder at me after he passed, was way over 10, felt like I'd been hit with a train.
I can't guarantee that you'll find anything else in common to support the friendship side of a relationship with someone you feel this with, but it's a good sign to check and see if there might be something more. And if not, then the only thing a couple could have is the pheremone connection and a hot sex life but not get along otherwise. And as wonderful as it is, a life mate is more than just sex.
As for the boyfriend going through a lot of tough changes, people react differently when crisis comes. Some couples draw closer together, bond tighter and rely on the strength of each other to get through it even if only one of the two are affected by something. Others, break apart. I can't say why this happens. Maybe some people don't like being comforted? Or maybe its more about them wanting to find a way to go through it alone finding it to be something he prefers to figure out how to overcome on his own, liking to solve his own troubles alone. That could come from a personality who isn't into being a 'team' player but more a solidary figure and thats okay but if every crisis in life, even later if say you married the boyfriend, makes him react this way, you know thats not good, especially if married and having kids together. The two of you need to be able to have your own personal time of course to deal with chilling down from daily stress but when its major crisis, we need to be able to reach out and draw closer to our partner for support rather than further away. Either you're okay with that, or you want to find ways to work thru things with the boyfriend.
So what I'd do is try to have a talk with the boyfriend and let him know how much you want to be a part of his life, even when he's going through major changes and things that make him hurt, and you know he won't be able to be there for you as he always is when things are good, but you want to be there for him just to give, to be his support system, his shelter from the storm of life, one place he can go, your arms for a hug where you just give him unconditional love, not expecting anything in return until he has made it through the rough patches. You're just asking that he allow you to be in his life to do this for him and be willing to do the same for you if it happens someday, to do this instead of shutting you out for now. See how he feels. Maybe you can get back together. I hope so. If he still wants to shut you out to deal with things alone, then what you've got is a 'fair weather' relationship with him. As long as life is going smooth he wants to be with you, when things get rocky from influences outside the relationship, he wants to break up....that is not what makes the best relationship although it sadly is a type of relationship many have. If you're willing to settle for that if he doesnt come to his senses, that's your choice. If you want more, you'll need to come to the point of realizing first there's no promise with boyfriend before you can really go checking out other guys, including this one you keep running into. You say he's not your type but that's based on looks since you don't really know his character. We all act our best when first meeting or being near people to make good impressions but that may not be his real self which would be revealed when enough time were spent with him to find out. What you do know is there's a strong pheremone connection and so at least, one side of a relationship with him would be wonderful. It remains to be seen if you could make anything work out otherwise.
As for fate, yes I believe there are some major events in the life of a soul on earth that get lined up by their angels depending on what is the best thing to happen to them for them to learn what they need most to in this life they have and so, there may actually be a handful of people in the country that are perfect for yo to learn what you need with but its a matter of the angels trying to work to position you in the same place at the same time to meet. So not all such people are placed in your path for this purpose of needing to meet and become a couple. There isn't always just one person you are destined to meet as far as I believe. I believe there are several that can fit the bill but what changes that dear, is the fact that God gave us free will and with that will, we all make our own choices and very often can't be swayed by promptings from our angels to go the right path and so we lose out on opportunities and another one needs to be placed in our path. I'm not religious but I've read plenty and from all that I've read, this is what I've come to believe. So yes, there's always a chance that the 2nd guy just might be destiny for you, but again not. If you have some belief at all in a higher power, angels or just fate or the universe, just say your thoughts out loud, for help in getting boyfriend to see the importance in not shutting you out so you can get back together and asking for the help if he uses his will to push you away still, then to bring a chance to get to know the other guy only if he is really another possible person best for you to meet. Good luck!
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