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Dreamer troubles
I know this may sound crazy, but I made up this person up in my head and I want to be her. I really can't be her because it is impossible. I love to think about her going on adventures and stuff,but I want to be this person so bad that I get depressed when I think about her. I try to stop but at random times if I am bored or just any time actually, I find myself thinking about her. Please help, am I going crazy, or is this just normal? Btw I am 13.
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Hi there. Your answers already seem very sound. You're not crazy by any means. Whether it's a particular person you want to be like, or that you want to be like an exciting 'alter-ego' you've created in your own mind it's bascially the same thing. It's an 'aspirational role model'. Sounds a bit heavy? It's not. You are 'aspiring' to be more like this ideal person. So aspire! If she's wealthy it's your incentive to secure a well-paid career. Does she have a beautiful home? Think "I will have a home like that too one day". If she's beautiful, she'll encourage you to make the very best best of YOUR looks. If she's confident, be more confident yourself. If she dresses beautifully, you make every effort with YOUR image and choice of outfits. And so on. It's natural to feel a bit 'down' when you hold yourself up to her and find you're still quite a bit short of the mark. That's part of the incentive power too. And don't think that because there are things you haven't realised or secured for yourself YET, that they are 'impossible'. Dreams are not the same as ambitions. If you're going to hit a target you've got to HAVE a target. You've got to see the target.
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No matter what you think, that's actually quite normal and in a slightly different way of looking at it, quite helpful in boosting a persons self confidence. I wanted that after a divorce, so whenever I stepped out of the house, where ever I went, I pretended in my head to be a certain actress with alluring eyes and I felt my eyes to be my most attractive feature. I pictured in my head looking exactly like her and mind me, I'm in my 40's doing this. It worked AMAZINGLY! Nope, I didn't end up looking like the actress or even sounding or acting like her. But something invisible was there, a self confidence in just my eyes. After a while, I no longer had to visualize it for where ever I went, strangers male and female plus friends were commenting on how beautiful my eyes were. I wasn't wearing heavy makeup or none on some occasions. So this tells me, people can pick up on our confidence in our own beauty and see us the same way. A person without self confidence is rarely noticed for the same reasons...lack of that invisible belief in self for others to pick up on. In your case, you made up one in your head instead of using certain actresses. At 13, you may be limited on doing some things, that you need to be an adult to do or have the freedom of being an adult and making decisions for your life so there no reason to say something is going to be unattainable to you or impossible in the future until you've given it a chance and it didn't work. In your mental game here, just work on accomplishing the smaller things for now. Try the experiment I did, maybe its' your hair you're happiest with. Maybe its something like you've got the healthiest pretty shaped nails and imagine others noticing how you have the prettiest most stunning nails. It can be anything, including people noticing your smile, your sense of humor. But set smaller goals and accomplish getting each one successfully met before going on to the next and this should eliminate the feeling of depression over trying to accomplish all at once.
That riddle: How does one eat an elephant? One bit at a time. it applies to you dear. You looking at the whole elephant and getting depressed because it seems to be a thing to ever achieve. Break it into bite size pieces and work on it over time. Good luck!!!
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Trust me theres a lot of people just like you, including me. I actually catfished the boy i liked with this really pretty girl, i literally wanted to be her. She was like perfect. Then i realized im still not fully grown i have chances to fix myself and to get prettier, I learned to only be self concious about very few things after thinking about it a lot. I realized that everyone is different and there will always be that group of people who think you are beautiful and that group of people who call you ugly. Only focus on the people who cal you beautiful for you, getting mad because you want to be or look like someone else is normal. You will learn to accept yourself :)
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