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BF BESTFRIEND INTERFERING


Question Posted Monday April 20 2015, 8:52 pm

okay so my bf (n) is bestfriends with this girl (a) and once me and n started dating we got kind of close but then she started getting really clingy to him and whenever he was around me she needed him for something and he would leave me. they had a past of dating on and off like 7 or 8 times. i talked to n about it and he told her to back off a little so she got the impression that i dont like her and that im taking him away from his friends. so i was like u can hang with her whatever i dont care but whenever im around i dont want her to always be there. now she backs off 100% but she totally hates me and wants to like beat me up and is nice and sweet and \"over protective\" over me to my face but then shes going to n like i hate your gf i wanna beat her up shes not worth your time. and i dont know what to do i know he might be exageratting what shes saying a little bit but i have seen some of the messages. today she lied and told him i was breaking up with him. now we are almost 3 months together and all this has happend. a has a new bf like very week and i dont know i think she could be jealous but anyway she told him i was breaking up with him and i forgot to meet him at my locker after school and he thought i was gonna and he was all scared like he did something wrong. so now shes telling lies so he flipped out on her and said exactly \"back off in my relationship its not my fault you cant keep a bf\" and i think shes gonna hate me even more now and i'm scared to talk to her because im like 5\'1 and 102 pounds and shes about the same but her friends are like 6ft and 200 pounds... help



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Razhie answered Wednesday April 22 2015, 5:50 pm:
Rise above and ignore it.

He clearly can see what she is doing - so it's not like she's fooling him - and he is the only one she is out to fool.

You don't need to talk to her. You aren't her friend. There is nothing you need to say to her.

Right now the best thing you can do is relax and let her fuck up her friendship with your boyfriend. She is killing that friendship herself - you don't need to step in. Sympathize and support your boyfriend at this tough time for him, but remind him that someone who makes him hurt like this (and threatens his girlfriend!) is probably not a good person to keep around as a friend.

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Dragonflymagic answered Tuesday April 21 2015, 2:11 pm:
If she is making up lies such as you breaking up with him, it possibly could mean there's a reason in her mind to attempt to break you both up. Perhaps this girl wants him for more than just being best friends. She was willing to settle for best friends for a while, hoping to get him to want the romance side of a relationship and become her boyfriend. He may have ended the dating if he didn't feel a strong enough attraction, the pheremone connection, in the end. ITs what you hear when people mention having 'chemistry' with another person and there's a special chemistry present in romance relationships that aren't there in a friendship one.

So when you came along, she see's his attention focused on you as g/f so she feels she's losing her chance to influence him to want her when she doesn't realize there is nothing she can do to make him feel that way about her. He may have to be blunt and tell her such things. Like "Sarah, I like you well enough as a friend, but since you are acting jealous over Tina but threatening her, I think perhaps you felt more than friendship feelings for me. Unfortunately, I do not feel that kind of chemistry with you and never will. If you or a friend at your request ever touch a hair on Tina's head, I will verify and back up any assault claims she files with the school and police that you told me you wanted to attack her." Young guys may not think of saying such a thing but its worth a try to see if she's back off. If she doesn't he could choose to cut off all ties with her and no longer associate with her at all. Oh and the fact she has a new bf every week is not because she's interested in any of them or it'd last longer than a week, she may be asking them, she's only trying an age old trick to try to make him jealous when he see's her with another guy so that he'll realize he has feelings for her. You might want to bring up the possibility of my scenerio to your bf, as it makes the most sense for what is going on. I may be off track a bit, but more likely i'm close to on target. In fact, if you give him this scenerio, there may be other occurances with her that fall into place in his mind, things she's said or done that finally make sense and bring the whole picture together of the rejected woman for girlfriend material. And if she is extremely immature, she will act this way. You have good reason to be scared as there are some people who will do very stupid things all for the reason of love which in their case brings about obsessive, toxic, negative behavior and it should be stopped and the best thing is reporting any such threats, She hasn't made such a threat to your face, you can't go by what she said to him, however, he can.
Seriously, if your boyfriend was willing to go with you to the police to report this, it would be a good thing. Now if she's just bullying and you share that, or the fact of it being a threat and expecting the police to be able to help, they'll just laugh cus there isn't. But IF you say you're reporting this because you want to creat a 'Paper trail' in case she follows up on her threat, THAT, they can understand and would find reasonable to do. In fact its' very helpful to have a paper trail of reports with the police when it comes to this. That way if she does consider going after you to hurt you or coerce someone to help her, you have legal documentation already in existance to help in going after her.

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