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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
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I am 13 years old and my sister just turned 16. A few months ago randomly she got a MacBook, new iphone, and a iPad Mini randomly for no reason. I on the other hand have be asking for a new laptop only for the past two years and still haven't recieved one. My parents get mad everytime I ask if I'm going to get a laptop. Also, my sister will say "I have no clothes to wear tomorrow! Please can I go to the mall?" They'll give her $100 and send her off. Though if I ask and haven't bought anything for the past 3 months, it's a "You're always asking for stuff!" It's really not fair because I always have to go without while my sister gets everything. What am I suppose to do when I can't get anything and she does? Also my phone has been cracked and the sound doesn't work for 5 months..but as soon as my sister cracked hers, she got a new one the next day. I'm a good student. I do my work in the house. I listen to my parents and even have better grades than her! She had two f's! I just don't get it..
I can't tell you why your sister seems to get everything she wants and you get nothing of what you want or it seems that way to you. One reason may be that you are 13 and she is 16.
Being 16 requires more in the way of social upkeep. Meaning she needs to have something's your parents do not see a 13 year old as needing in order to socialize within you age bracket. I don't know if this is right or wrong for a 13 year old girl as I had a boy child and the needs are different than a girls.
What I do know is that you feel left out and unwanted, this is wrong. No child should feel this way. I'm not sure your parents are understanding of this. They may think you are just being jealous of you older sister. This would be to a degree understandable, but still wrong of them.
Is a laptop computer a needed item for a 13 year old. That would depend on whether or not there is another computer in the home for you to use for homework and research.
Is a cell phone a needed item for a 13 year old. Where I live children in middle school and above are now encouraged to have cell phones in school and to use them for internet research during class. Do I agree with this policy. I'm not sure but then again my children are grown and have children of their own so it is up to them to decide. If your school encourages cell phone use for this purpose then your parents need to replace your phone.
Clothing: At 13 you are just starting into your teenage years. Socializing and fitting in is a big part of being a teenager. Having stylish clothes and the in style designer cloths are two different things. I don't know what your parent can and cannot afford. Given what you say they bought your sister they could have bought her one less item and bought you some stylish clothes. That I agree with.
What I suggest you do is sit down with mom and dad and tell them how you feel. Speak to them calmly, without shouting or crying. If you are unsure that you can have a quiet conversation with them in that manner then write them a letter. Tell them you feel left out and even unwanted if that is the way you feel. But don't write it in a manner that sounds like you're being jealous which will be hard to do as you will want to point out why you feel this way.
You could say something like: It is not from jealousy but simple fact that I asking for a bit of parity with my older sister. Sisters cell phone gets cracked and it is replaced the next day, mine has been broken for months and has not been replaced. How else am I suppose to feel if not left out or even unwanted. I need new clothes I don't get any. She asks to go to the mall and gets shopping money. Is this fair.
As parents we do not intentionally treat our children differently. We do sometimes reward one child differently than the other to insure the prosper and grow properly. You by your own words are growing and prospering without being rewarded. From what you write your sister, at least from an education standpoint is not. TO foster better grades your parents are doing more for her to encourage her. You don't seem to need this encouragement. Unfortunately we forget that this can also look like we are favoring one child over the other. You need to point this out to them in a calm matter.
If you need to do this in a letter then do so. Sometimes we as parents need a wake up call. Lets see if we can give your parents the right kind of wake up call. One that does involve you being harmed.
what does it mean when guy tell they guy friend that I was riding her?
It is generally accepted to mean that her, meaning you if he is speaking of you or the girl he is speaking of, and he had sexual intercourse.
hi im 16 nad ive been masturbating for about idk 1 month now and im a few days late for my perion so my question is do maturbating make you pregnant?????
Short answer is NO!
The only possible thing that you're masturbating and your period being late could possibly have in common is your lack of sexual knowledge and stress. You are or have been worried that masturbation could cause you to become pregnant. Therefore you have been stressed out over this. Stress is the NUMBER 1 CAUSE OF PERIODS BEING LATE. There are several others but stress is the biggest. Know that you know that masturbation can not cause you to become pregnant you can relax and your period may show up or will return next month. This depends on a number of other factors none of which you can control or has anything to do with masturbation. It is just the way your body works.
The only way a woman can become pregnant is for a penis to enter her vagina and ejaculate sperm at a time when she is fertile. This is generally a 3 day period some time during the middle two weeks of her cycle for about 80% of women. The other 20% can be fertile at any time during their cycle, even during their period.
If you do not get your period this month do not worry it is normal to miss a period now and then especial during times of high stress. If next month you do not get your period then I suggest you see a GYN.
okay I'm 14 & I'm messing around with this guy. I really like him & he really likes me. The thing is that when me & him are together & we r touching & kissing & sometimes he lays me down I get really bad nervous, he knows my boundaries & wouldn't dare cross them. He knows that I get nervous & he trys not to make me feel so nervous but it happens. When I get nervous he is like "Baby its gonna be okay" & I know that he really does mean it. I like the feeling, it makes me wet & well ya know but why do I get so nervous!!!!!
To me being nervous is a warning system to keep you within your boundaries. When you stop being nervous is when you should start to worry. Being nervous and being scared are our internal warning systems that tell us we are doing things that can be harmful, like walking along the edge of a cliff.
You are 14 years old and while touching and kissing is probably normal for your age depending on where you allow him to touch you; going further is not. Laying you down with him is the first step to going to far. Allowing him to put his hands up your skirt or down your pants is going to far. Having oral sex is way too far for someone your age to be giving or receiving.
If any of the too fars is happening and this is where your nerves kick in then your body is warning you that you are in danger. The same type of danger as if you were walking along the edge of a cliff.
Now I am old enough to be your grandfather and while I realize things are different today than when I was your age certain things should not be. We did not have boyfriends and girlfriends, and we did not date. We had boy friends and girl friends and we went out in groups to parties and movies. We played spin the bottle and post office and yes as a boy, I and others tried to cop a feel.
Teenagers today are trying to grow up to fast. They get involved in sex way too early and girls for reasons I do not understand date boys far above their age and get into trouble for it.
If your boyfriend is 16 or over he is far more mature than you in the world of sex and dating. This could be another reason why your nerves are warning you. My suggestion therefore is to slow down, set higher boundaries. Meaning you both keep all your clothes on. No touching below the waist no matter how good it feels. You can do this at home by yourself; it is called masturbation and it should feel just as good or better. With your clothes on there should be no sex oral or otherwise and no lying down with him on top of you.
If you set these boundaries the nervousness you feel won't entirely go away but you will feel a lot more comfortable.
So im a junior in hs. 16/f and I Have no idea what i wanna do when i grow up. I don't know what I want to major in in college that I'll enjoy, actually get a job in and make a decent amount of money. Ive had ideas over the years..mostly just between two jobs. A psychologist and a writer. But of course those are the most difficult jobs to get real money in or to even get a job in at all and being a psychologist is stressful and overbearing and writing is hard and trying to write stories 24/7 is extremely difficult for me. Also i dont want my writing to be about the money. So yeah I Have no idea whatsoever. I always hoped that things will work out and ill stumble on the right path..and writing is something ive always wanted to persue. Its a passion and its never gone away and i dont know i always thought itd work out in the end with that..and i believe it will, but i doubt in time for when i have to start working and make money. Im not rich either so its not like i have money to do what i want or have any connections. Idk. Are there any job suggestions that are good and pays well? Any advice about this? Thanks!
Before I answer your question there are one or two points I would like to make.
1. Money is not the criteria on which to base your future employment. You can train to be a doctor, lawyer or another high paying professional and be miserable.
I have a good friend that for years I knew only as a very successful building contractor. It wasn't until one night I went into his office at home that I saw his Diploma showing he was a JD. Jurist Doctor or Lawyer. His parents forced him to go to law school. He hated the practice of law and struck out on his to build houses. Eventually becoming very successful at it.
Moral of this story is money doesn't buy happiness. You need to find something you enjoy that you can earn a decent living at. While earning that living you can if you wish then work at your version of the next best great novel. Some of the best authors took years to write their first book. This is one of those times where it is possible to have your cake and eat it too if you work at it properly.
My quick take on something you might enjoy doing, which would give you time to pursue your writing as well as fits with what you have written would be teaching. Teaching can be very rewarding and in the right school districts the pay for teachers is quite good. You have summers off to allow for other interests as well as winter and spring breaks.
With a degree in teaching doors in the corporate world are opened as trainers for a variety of different and interesting products and applications. Some corporate trainers also see a large part of the world as travel is a large part of the position.
I do like what the previous advisor wrote about the testing she took. This test should be available to you through your high school guidance office. Either you or your parents should be able to request this testing in conference with the guidance office and school administrators. It is a good test; I took it in High School many decades ago. It is quite accurate and I've done very well in one of the areas it pointed out as an area I would excel in.
This is not a test you can study for. You cannot fool the test or cheat it. You answer the questions honestly. If I remember correctly it is a multiple choice type test. Read the question then look at the answers. Choose the answer that first comes to mind that is most correct for you.
Lastly do not feel bad about the way you feel at the moment. At your age it is perfectly normal to be confused or to lack a true direction in life. One of the purposes of the first two years of college is to allow you more time to choose a direction and is why you do not have to declare a major until your junior year of college.
My advice is to talk with mom and dad and to ask them to speak to the school officials about taking that test. It is a tool that can help you find a direction which you can accept or reject; your option.
I got into a fight with me stepdad this afternoon. He really pissed me off and I freaked out and kicked at him and hit his stomach.
Now I'm afraid he will tell my mom when she gets home. What can I do?
This question needs some grandfatherly advise and since I am of that age I will of some.
To start with it is never right to hit someone which I believe you know that. So the first thing you need to do is to apologize to your step dad for getting so out of control. There is no other choice here, you were wrong to strike out at him unless it was in self-defense. If he was not trying to restrain you or hit you then you were wrong to kick at him.
Now for some additional advise. This man may not be you biological father though you are living in his home. He is supplying all of the things your biological father would be supplying if you lived with. You have food, clothing , shelter, medical and all the things a child needs growing up. For this alone he deserves your respect, he has earned that much.
Taking on the responsibilities of raising someone else's child is asking an awful lot of that person be it a man or a woman. He must love your mother very much and you in his own way love you too to marry into an instant family.
If there is a problem between you and him I suggest the two of you sit down and CALMLY DISCUSS WHAT IT OR THEY ARE. I don't know what the circumstances are as to how he became your step-father. If it is the result of your parents divorcing then remember one thing.
It takes two to tango. Meaning mom is just as culpable in why her marriage to your father failed. Your step-father may or may not have anything to do with your parents divorcing. If he didn't and this is one of the reasons behind you and he not getting alone. Then you are in the wrong.
I say this because this is why children of divorced parents and there step parents do not get along. You did not say what you fought about. Even so I can hear what you most likely said probably near the end before you kicked him. You said something like, "YOUR NOT MY FATHER, I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO YOU." This probably hurt him more than the kick you hit him with.
Wrong on two counts. Just because he is not your biological father does not mean he is not raising you as a parent and father would. He is also an adult whose home you are living in which means you must give him the respect an adult deserves and listen to him as you would your mom or any other adult.
Now I've read a lot into a few small sentences that you wrote. I could be wrong about your relationship with your step-dad in which case everything I wrote is wrong, except the need to apologize for kicking him.
I've been writing on this site for a long time and do not think I am that far of base here. The best thing you can do for you and your mother is to settle things between you and your step-father. Talk to him, tell him and mom too if you think it will help what is bothering you.
Children do not come with owners manuals like a new car does. As parents we learn on the job. Your step-father, I would believe, has jumped in somewhere in the middle of your young years and has a learning curve to over come. Talking with him will help both of you.
Hi there..this is not a queation, ia am just want to say thanks for your advice..it is really helpful to me...now i am going through to a new life.
Your welcome. I'm happy I could be of some help.
First off, I apologize for the long question.
I am a thirteen-year-old girl, and everything is making me want to die. No, I guess I don't really want to die -- I just want the pain to end.
The main reason why I hate life is because I don't understand anything in school. And to make up for it, I work so much harder than any other kid would . . . but it's no use. I have a learning disability as well, which makes me work and process things slowly. I'm just SO SLOW AND STUPID! Ugh. (This makes things a lot harder for me than other people think.)
Several people hate me. I'm pretty sure my family hates me, to start with. Especially my dad. And I know all homophobic people must hate me because I am a girl who likes girls. But no one hates me as much as I hate myself.
I know some people might tell me to find a counselor or therapist. I already have two of those. But neither of them help me AT ALL. The first one just doesn't understand me, and he does a lot more talking than listening. And the second one treats me as if I'm doing something wrong by feeling this way. I have been self-harming for a while as well. But no one is helping.
I guess I don't have too many logical reasons to feel unhappy. Feeling like everyone hates me and not doing well in school do not count as reasons. But I'm just not strong like other people are. But what is the point of going on? Why don't I just die now so I don't have to suffer anymore? It's not like anyone would care . . . they all hate me.
I wish I could get help. But no one is going to help me. I feel so alone right now and just feel like dying. Right now, suicide is just a thought. I haven't acted on it yet.
Is there anything that can be done to make things better? I don't know what to do anymore or how to go on. But I will appreciate any advice. Thank you. And sorry for the length.
Okay, there are several different areas that need to be addressed here.
First: YOU ARE NOT STUPID. Anyone who could write to us and explain themselves as well as you have is far from stupid. In fact I would say you are quite intelligent.
So the first thing you need to do is stop thinking this way about yourself as it is counter productive. Okay you have a learning disability. This is something mom, dad and your therapists should be working with the school officials to not only identify but to find ways to deal with it so learning is made easier for you.
Therapy alone is not the answer. There must be cooperation by and with your parents and the schools. If this is not happening, if the therapist are not working with your school then new therapists might be in order.
Second: Cutting and self-harming. You say no one is helping. That does not tell me if and who is aware of your cutting. Self-harming is very serious for several reasons. Reasons that should have one if not both your therapists working with you to find out why you are doing so and help you stop.
You cut because you are in pain. Pain most likely caused by depression. Teenage depression is most likely what you are suffering from. I am not a doctor but this is my educated guess in this area. You should be seeing a psychiatrist for medication as teenage depression is something doctors are now able to treat.
No you are not crazy. Depression is caused by the lack of 1 or 2 chemicals secreted into the brain. Psychiatrists are medical doctors who have extra training to treat this type of illness rather than a family doctor. Not all depression is a mental illness.
Third: Your sexuality: Are you a lesbian? To be truthful with you at this point in your life it is hard to say for sure. If you are it is because you were born this way. It is not something you decided to be. Here again this is something you and your therapist should be talking about and helping dad understand this,
Lesbians and Gays' do not just wake up one day and decide to be homosexuals. This was in their genetic makeup long before they were born. You may have had some feeling of this when you were younger then when puberty hit it became more pronounced. Then again it could be something else. Something that many teenagers go through while figuring out what their sexuality truly is.
During the first years of puberty a good portion of teenagers experiment with same sex, sex. For one thing it is safer and less embarrassing. For another this type of sex along with masturbation allows them to learn about themselves and what they like and don't like.
Fourth: Logical or illogical reasons for feeling as you do. Perception is real right or wrong how we feel about something makes it real. In what you have written it is how you perceive it to be there for it is.
Does your father hate you. I don't think so. As a father and someone old enough to be your grandfather I would say your father loves you. If he is homophobic as you say or may think he is. Then he is probably wondering where he went wrong and mad at himself not you. Dad needs to be educated, if this is true, that he did nothing wrong. This may be who you are or it just may be you finding yourself. I cannot say from what little you wrote on the subject.
One thing I'm sure though is you family does not hate you. They along with others who know you would be very hurt if you did something so harmful to yourself, be it on purpose or accidental, that you died.
Fifth: Stop hating yourself. You are who you are. IF you stop hating yourself you can make yourself a better person. The only person that person needs to be is a better person tomorrow than you are today. Who cares what other people think. The only person that counts is you. If you like yourself others will like you too. If they do not then you do not need them.
If you strive to be a little bit better each day than you were the day before you will be surprised how much better you will feel about yourself and how much you will grow and mature.
Finally: My suggestions. If you are not working well with your therapist ask mom or dad to find you new ones. It is most important that you and your therapist are able to work well together. Your therapist should be someone you feel comfortable telling your deepest darkest secrets to. Which you can do since everything you say to a therapist stays with the therapist. Nothing should be getting back to your parents.
Ask to see a psychiatrist for screening and treatment for depression. I believe this is the underlying cause for many of the problems you write about. Once treated if needed I think you will feel better about yourself and the world around you.
If your therapist do not know about the self-harming or the degree to which you do; talk to them about it. They should be able to help you.
Last; if you ever get the urge to truly harm yourself don't do it. Pick up the phone and call 911. You do not need anyone's permission do so. Help will be sent to you and the call taker will stay on the phone with you until help arrives.
The boy friend wanted to take a break from the relationship of 5 months he had certain issues in his head about us
To much to fast and feels smoothered we need to take a break
But 2ninutes before he said thst he sent me a text from the site where we first met and sent me a fluirt thinking it was funny
We saw each other tonight with his son
When I told him I him I missed him he paused and then said why we text everyday
I responded I miss you anyways it's one thing to text everyday but its different from when you don't see them
I want to know if taking break also means breaking up
That is what I would make of it. At the very least it is a prelude to him saying down the road something to the effect of I found some one else or I think we should make this permanent.
HE may be thinking this is a softer way of saying we a done as couple. I could be wrong but that is how I see it.
19/f
I've been having sex more often and I thought the best thing to do was to get on birth control to be safe.
I just feel uncomfortable talking to my parents about it. They've both asked me because I've been with my boyfriend for two years.
I was online scheduling an appointment to see my doctor and my mom was telling me what to fill in. Birth control was on there and she was like, "There's not need for that, you're not having sex right?" I knew that would've been the easiest way to say it but I said no. Then she proceeded on about how I was a good girl and stuff.
So I don't want to tell her because I don't want her to see me as a "bad girl" now.
Anyways, I know I can see my doctor by myself but I'm afraid it'll show up on the insurance. We have Kaiser and I can see my families medical records when I log on so I'm afraid that if I go, they'll see mine too. Is that the case? What should I do?
You are 19 in the eyes of the world and the law you are an adult. Your parent no longer have any legal right to see your medical records. If you are seeing their medical records it is or should be because they have given the doctors or the Medical plan written permission for you to do so.
Under a federal law called HIPPA for anyone to see your medical records your doctors must have written permission from you to let them see your records. Your doctor cannot speak to your parents about any medical visit you have, any prescription they write for you or anything that transpires in the confines of their private spaces of their office. Your mom can no longer invite herself into any exam room with you. You must invite her or she must sit in the waiting room.
All of this has nothing to do with the fact that you may be on their insurance. I could even be paying for your medical bills. That would not give me the right to see your medical records without your written permission.
The only time your parents or your future husband even, can talk to your doctor about a current medical condition without your written consent is: If you are unable to understand and consent to treatment or unconscious and in a life threatening condition.
How to fix this:
When you visit your doctor tell the nurse or appointment clerk you want to see who has the right to view you medical records, this is your right. If your parents have the right it was probably done when you were younger around age 14 when you first had limited medical privacy under HIPPA.
If so tell the nurse or clerk you want to rescind that authorization or make changes to when and who can be authorized to see your medical records. Do this with all of your doctors including your dentist, eye doctor and talk to your druggist about HIPPA rights as well.
As far as insurance billing goes. This is all done by code numbers and RX numbers for prescriptions. Your parents will not know what the exam or procedure is unless they can decode the coding. As for your prescriptions the druggist can not divulge that information without your written permission.
In short a few questions at each of your doctors offices and drug stores and moms access to your medical records can be turned off. Your an adult now and as someone who is old enough to be your grandfather I will tell you this.
As an adult you are entitled to a sex life if you want one. Getting on birth control is not only the smart thing to do it is the right thing to do. I will also urge you to have your partner or future partners use a condom until you are in a long term committed relationship. Meaning you are living together or you have married. Condoms not only are 85% effective in prevent pregnancy but they are effective in preventing the transmission of certain STDS and the HIV/AIDS virus.
If you have sex with a man without a condom you are having sex with every other person he has had sex without a condom and the people they have had unsafe sex with as well. IF he refuses to wear a condom I would suggest you tell him no sex without it and send him on his way.
Men who refuse to wear a condom are not only being selfish. They are also showing the lack of respect they have for you and your safety. Even back in my day when the pill was first available to all and HIV/AIDS was not yet a problem STDS were. The girls had a motto; no "rubber no lover." I would suggest you adopt that motto for your own health safety.
How do bulimics make themselves throw up? And what do they do to make it easier? Whats the risks of being bulimic? Im doing a project on bulimia so please say everything you mow :) thanks
Most bulimics stick a finger down their throat to trigger their gag reflex. We all have one which is located at the back of the throat. In some people this reflex is quite high in others it's is further down. This reflex is meant to help prevent choking. IF the gag reflex is lower in the throat they may use a spoon or something to trigger the reflex.
There are two very serious problems associated with bulimia:
1. The acids in the stomach are also vomited along with the food contents. These acids can burn the esophagus permanently harming it making eating and drinking and even talking impossible.
2. When a person vomits the electrolytes, the chemicals that the body operates off of become imbalanced. If not corrected many different things can happen such as heart attacks, kidney & liver failure all of which can lead to death.
Bulimia is both a physical and mental illness. Before doctors can treat the mental illness they have to treat the physical ills that may have been brought on by the bulimia.
This means that the person suffering is first admitted to a general hospital ward where the problems are treated and the person is monitored to control the bulimia. After the body is healed the patient is then generally moved to a hospital that specializes in eating related disorders. Hospitalizations can last from a few weeks to six months or more depending on how compliant the patient is.
THANK U. Now we r quite happy with each other.i was talked with her and feel she really love me.so i forgive her.we will be get married soon.
I am happy for you both. May you have a long and happy marriage blessed with many children.
I'm 12. My boyfriend is 16. He was my first time. Is that a form of stuatory rape? Could legal action be taken? My principal asked me if I've had my first time because I got in trouble. Could they get him in trouble? I don't want to get him in trouble.. :( HELP!!
You're not in trouble the boy is and this depends a lot on the laws in your state. One thing I find unusual and worrisome is why your principal would ask this question of you? It is inappropriate for him or her to do so regardless of the type of trouble you were in unless you were caught having sex in school.
Now for the facts on statutory rape. You being under the age of consent, which is well above the age of 12 in all states. The person older than the age of consent or more than 3 or 4 years older than the person under the age of consent. That person can be charged with statutory rape. Sex does not have to happen for a charge of statutory rape to be made. The law assumes that sex is the purpose of the relationship between two people with a 3 to 4 year age difference one of whom is under the age of consent.
The fact that you and your boyfriend are already dating or hanging out together puts your boyfriend in trouble already. There is nothing you can do or not do to get him in more trouble or keep him out of trouble. At the moment his fate rests in the hands of your principal if the principal decides to make a police report.
Once the statutory rape charges are brought. The police or prosecutors can add a whole host of other charges. Should they find nude pictures of you in his possession or cell phone. Then Child pornography charges are added and he will be charged as a child molester as well.
In any case once charges are brought if he is charged as an adult, he will be required to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life.
A word to you about this. You are 12 years old. You should not be having sex or having any kind of sex play at your age. You're not even a teenager yet. You should not be dating period, let alone someone so much older than you.
Sex is for adults who are old enough to understand the consequences of their actions. Sex is not a sport and it certainly is not something you do to keep a boyfriend. If a boy says if you won't have sex with me I will find someone that will, show him the door he does not love you or respect you. He only has a lust and an urge that he needs satisfied.
Giving a boy sex at your age will get around school faster than wildfire. You will get a reputation you will not live down and come to regret.
It is my belief this boy took advantage of your naiveté. Don't try to protect him.
Hey I Am 18 I need advice on how to tell my mom to let go. She is too over protective, crazy mom, examples when I was in high school she timed me on how long it should take me to get straight home from school. When am in college she forces me to come home every weekend to do shit at home. She doesn't let me hang out w. My friends she actually doesn't want me to have any friends she Dominican btw she doesn't even let me walk my dog on my own. She wants me to change schools so I can be closer to home never going to happen btw she checks my bags n room when ever she gets the chance too i have no type of privacy at home .. I just dnt understand why she like this never given her a reason to be
You are 18 an adult now. This is hard for some parents to understand. Especially if that parent is footing the bills for your education. Still it does not give them the right to control you as you mom seems to be doing. In fact it borders on illegal.
While I don't approve of lying to parents there are many ways and reasons you can give her that are valid reasons for having to stay at school over any given weekend.
Reasons such as becoming a tutor and tutoring other students on weekends. Paper writing that requires the use of the school library whose resources are not available to you at home. Study groups which meet on weekends. Of course there will be other things you may wish to do other than study but that is a byproduct of staying at school to study or work. Speaking of work getting a part time job at school would be another reason you could not come home on weekends.
I'm not suggesting you be defiant towards your mother. what I am suggesting is you give your mother good valid reasons why you cannot come home on a weekend and that you will try to come home the next weekend. If you want to go home the next weekend do so if not give her other valid reasons.
I would say you should try to get home one or possible two weekends out of six. This way you can check up on her and see how she is doing without you being home and she can see how you are doing. Then if everything is going well if you like you can extend the periods between visits home.
It is hard for some of us parents to see are children as adults. It is not that we don't trust you we don't trust others. It is unfortunate but we keep a tighter leash on our daughters then we do are son. The simple reasons are is that are sons cannot get pregnant.
Let me tell you a short. My son is a firefighter/paramedic and has been a firefighter/EMT since he was 19. We were both in the fire department together until I retired. One would think I would have seen him as a man since he was doing a mans job. It wasn't until several years later when both of us were on duty and our companies ended up on the same fire that I saw him not as my little boy but a man. It wasn't watching going into a burning building, I'd seen that many times. I was watching him doing something that is done after the fire is out and we are picking up equipment and getting ready to go back to quarters. Watching him doing what he was doing I saw a man not my son.
This I believe is what you're fighting. Mom does not see you as an adult. She still sees you as a child that requires her ever present watchfulness. Until she sees you as an adult woman you will be fighting this problem. By the way dads are worse. For dads a daughter is always his little girl even when she is all grown up and has children of her own.
I am not going to kill myself...i just hofe to die.everyday in my life, even i do such of thing that makes me happy i still thinks to die.I dont know what is wrong with me.i hofe you can tell me what should i do...
Hold on there, killing yourself solves nothing and leaves a big hole in the lives of those who love you.
I do not know if you watch the news or not. If you do then you know that the other day a lady tried to storm the White House. Failing that she tried to storm the Capital Building. The only thing they have determined so far is that she may have been suffering from a mental break down as to why she tried what she did.
Living as close to DC as I do I know the Capital and all the other police forces that can come to bear in an instance like this. Will only allow something like this to go so far before deadly force is used. he exceeded that point and was shot and killed by Capital Police. "To me she committed what is called suicide by cop."
Her friends and family are devastated. The new she was having trouble but never saw this coming. Her family and friends were always there for her willing to help her in anyway all she had to do was reach out to them. Is this what you want for your family and friends.
I have a better suggestion. Since you haven't said what the problem is I can refer you to some people who can help you no matter what the problem is, big or small. I know of no problem that can not be fixed if you just reach out to someone for help.
Below are two hotlines to call. The first is the National Suicide prevention hotline. Your call will be automatically routed to a crisis center near you where trained volunteers will talk with you and help you find the right professionals to fix whatever is bothering you. Your call is totally confidential.
The second is to a hot line for people under 20. They are kidshelpPhone.ca and can help with things like being bullied in school, dating problems, relationship problems and teenage problems in general.
1-800-273-8255; The National Suicide Prevention Hotline
1-800-668-6868; This is the hotline for kidshelpPhone.ca
If you are having suicidal thoughts I urge you to call 911 . This is what 911 is for and you do not need anyone's permission to call them. Just pick up a phone and tell the call taker you are having suicidal thoughts. Help will be sent to you and the call taker will stay on the line with you until help arrives.
Hi,
This isn't a question, but I just wanted to thank you for all you do on Advicenators. You have helped me more times than I can count, and I know your advice is helpful to so many others as well.
I truly hope I can be more like you someday. The amazing advice you give inspires me to try to become a better columnist.
Thanks again for all you do on here!
~A grateful (and newer) columnist
Thank you I'm glad I could be of some help. I've been doing this for many years and I am among the older advisors being of grandfatherly age. So I have probably experienced more of life than you have.
When people reach out to us they are looking for many types of advice. They are looking for the "today" life experience that you can give, which in most cases I can't being to old to have those types of experiences today. They also want some independent parental advice that I can give which is why you see me so often tell them I am old enough to be their grandparent.
I don't know who you are but if you are taking the time to answer some of these questions; Then you have something of value to offer the people who write us. As you get older and experience more you will have more to offer.
We each experience many different things in life. These experiences give us many things of great value to offer others. Stay with us I know you have much to offer.
Yes i understand your point.but tell me one thing please, a girl who tell me a series of lie since 2years,about her real identity,background,past relation.. How to i trust her again ,will she be a good wife!she now apolize for her mistakes and lying.but she just ruined me. Please suggest me.may i trust her or not!
Sorry it took me so long to respond but the server just put this in my in box.
I have given you the best advice I can. Given the circumstances I think she should be given the benefit of the doubt here. I understand a bit of your culture and given what I know I can understand why she did as she did. I can also understand how you feel.
What I cannot do is tell you what to do. That is something you and only you can decide. what I will tell you is this. If you decide to forgive her and move on and marry her. Do not hold this over her. Do not make demands upon her or make her make concessions in order to marry. This is no way to start a marriage and it will doom you marriage to failure just as holding this over her will.
She did what she did because of your culture. I won't say your culture is wrong but it is out of step with most of the western world and some parts of your own country. Take all this into consideration then make a decision. Whatever you decide do not condemn her for her transgression as it was a survival instinct that forced this one her.
I go to a really shitty community college. I don't want to sound like I'm being victimized, but I first want to bring out the fact that I am gay. Once during class my teacher pulled up a website that said I hate fags on it. I'm blatantly gay, and I'm trying to ignore it because there's not much I can do. I feel like he shouldn't be acting so unprofessionally. He doesn't teach in class and I'm wondering how he is going to get grades down if he asked the class if anyone wanted a midterm and no one raised their hand except me. Now we're not having a midterm and he keeps continuing to harrass me about it. Today he said, " So the class decision on midterms is still 30 to 1?" When I raised my hand for the midterm vote, he was really smart about it and said, "So you want a midterm? Okay we'll have one right now." I said no, I obviously would have failed it. He doesn't give us a syllabus, so I don't know what the schedule is. Who am I suppose to talk to about this? What can I do?
Your first step is to have a meeting with the department chair. You have two complaints both of which are his unprofessional manner.
1. He has demonstrated to you that he is anti-gay. That in this day and age is not only unprofessional it has to be against school policy if they receive any state of local monetary aid.
For this problem the only corrective action acceptable is his immediate suspension pending dismissal.
2. You have paid good money for this class and receiving nothing close to what is expected in return. To my mind that is theft of service.
Possible corrective actions you could demand.
A. Allowed to withdraw with passing grade.
B. Allowed to withdraw and receive full tuition credit for this class and allowed to take it next semester.
C. Allowed to withdraw and receive a full refund for the tuition paid.
If you do not receive satisfaction with the department chair you then make an appointment with college diversity administrator and the college president. You make the same demands with them.
Hi, I'm a thirteen-year-old girl who likes girls. I just don't see boys in that way. When I think about my future, I see myself marrying a girl rather than a guy.
So, this question is strange, but I'll try my best to have it make sense.
I don't really remember who I had crushes on in elementary school, but I remember that most of them were boys. I had crushes on girls sometimes as well, but when I did, I tried to ignore the feeling.
When I started middle school, I started to become more and more girl-crazy, and I thought about guys less. I decided to embrace my feelings and be myself.
Now I don't like guys at all and only want to be with a girl. I also have a girlfriend now, and I'm so happy to be with her. My previous relationships were with guys, but I always ended it because it didn't feel right at all.
But I also know that I'm only thirteen, and my feelings could change. People sometimes tell me that it's probably just a phase and I will become straight later. But I can't bear for that to happen. I only want to marry a girl, and I cannot see myself in a relationship with a guy. Even the thought of liking a guy disgusts me.
Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried about becoming straight. I don't want that to happen and I don't want my feelings for girls to be "just a phase" like people say.
Thanks for any advice! And I apologize again for the awkward question.
Phase can mean a lot of different things especially when used in conjunction to a pubescent teenager. Generally when used in that manner by parents or other adults. It is meant to explain away odd behavior or craziness that we adults do not understand or do not want to understand. The problem with lumping things under the term phase is it is a disservice to the teenager. At one time teenage depression was thought to be "JUST A PHASE," we now know
better.
As to your current writing. It very well could be a temporary situation while you learn more about yourself and your sexuality. Many young girls and boys go through a period when their sexuality and initial sexual experiences are with the same sex. Does this mean they are gay or lesbians. Probably not for most. At this point in their sexual development having sex with a member of the same sex is both safe and a learning experience.
As these young people grow older and more confident in their sexuality some will become heterosexual only. Others will become bi sexual and the remainder will be what they were born to be, which is gay or lesbian.
Lesbians and gays do not just decide to become this way. They are born this way, it is in their genetic make up. I can't say if you were born this way though you will know for sure very soon if not already.
You say in elementary school you had crushes on girls but tried to ignore them. The key words here are; tried to ignore them. This says you tried to conform to what you thought was the norm even though your felt differently.
It is very possible you were born this way. If so embrace it for that is who you are. I would advise, for your own safety, that you do in a manner of speaking stay in the closet with kids at school. Kids your age do not understand and can be very mean and hurtful to gay and lesbian kids in school.
Once you are and adult, over 18 and in college where things are more liberal embrace your sexuality for that is who you are. There is nothing you can do to change it and you would be miserable if you tried.
Just for the record I'm old enough to be your grandfather and I am very liberal when it comes to my views on sex and sexuality. I am married for 42 years to the same women who's views in this are very much like mine.
I've tried to answer your question by telling you like it is, as I understand it. Yes you are confused at this time and it is understandable. Hopefully I have taken some of that confusion out of the situation for you.
Just remember this you are who you are so embrace who you are and be the best you that you can be. My motto has always been; the only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today. You are more than welcome to adopt my motto.
18/m
This summer I got shin splints and have been battling them ever since. It has been a couple of months, got them in about July I would say.
I have only had them once before in my life when I was younger in track. Then they went away and never came back.
I currently play basketball, the season starts soon. I have been told to ice my shins, which i've been doing and resting my legs, as much as I can. My shin splints hurt TERRIBLY. Even to walk if I jog for 10 seconds my shins feel like someone is knifing my shins to pieces lol.
What can I do to help this? I need to be ready for basketball. I have new shoes, good shoes for basketball.
Any help is appreciated, I miss my sport and want to get back on the court asap.
None of us are doctors and even if we were this is the type of question that requires more than just suggestions. What you need to do is see a sports medicine orthopedist doctor.
I know how much shin splints can hurt. Home remedies are just remedies for the effects of the problem. All icing does is help with the pain it does not affect or help the underlying cause.
An orthopedist is trained in problems of the bones and joints. Using X-rays and MRIs the doctor can see the underlying cause and make suggestion or form a treatment plan to correct the problem.
If you have insurance coverage under your parents health insurance. These visits, the x-rays and the MRIs if used would be covered to whatever extent your insurance pays for these things.
There are only two possible results here. You can see a doctor and most likely find out how to correct the problem. Or you can continue to treat the symptoms and suffer with this problem for the rest of your life. I hate to put it just that way but in this instance that is the reality. Shin splints are not only painful they can become debilitating later in life if left untreated.
My advice see a doctor now while you're young and find out how to correct the problem.