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My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.
advice
there is this tutor I work with in the tutoring lab in college. She's great and a wonderful person to be around with. She is about 28 and I am 22 and she is engaged, My class ended a few months ago but I saw her around campus when I was going to meet up with a friend recently and chatted with her
now I find myself going out of my way to that location just so I can hopefully see her and talk to her again. Last week I went and sat there for about half an hour (I had nothing else to do though so I wasn't skipping anything) I just get this extremely good feeling when talking to her or seeing her. Is this creepy?
someone responded this
"You better watch what you're doing or you could end up on the wrong side of her boyfriend and that could result in you with a sore face.
"
But this makes no sense, if her boyfriend came after me and attacked me for no reason that would be assault and I can probably press charges
I recently ran into this girl again. She was in the math lab, I went in and started chatting to her and she seemed happy to see me and happy to chat. I get this extremely good feeling whenever I see her or talk to her. I can't explain it
No you are not stalking her or are you harassing her in the legal sense of the words. Morally is another story. You know she is engaged, she is not a friend but possibly fits the description of a classmate.
Going out of your way to speak to her is morally wrong since you are aware that she is engaged to someone. If she has ever said to you to stop stalking her or harassing her then you would be in legal trouble.
Just chatting with this girl on campus would not or should not give her boyfriend reason to hunt you down and break your face. Whoever sent you that note knows that you are purposely trying to run in to this girl for the purpose of getting to know her and that you may have designs beyond that.
If this were to get back to her fiancé yes he might want to break your face. In doing so though he would be in legal trouble for assaulting you.
This might be a deal breaker for her but I have my doubts that it would win you and points with her. For it was your interference ruined the life she had planned together with him.
My advice is to forget about her. I'm sure she is a wonderful person and is the reason behind you infatuation with her. She is spoken for therefore not available any longer. I can assure you if you look hard enough there is another girl out there just like her waiting for you to find her.
First of all, thanks for taking the time to read through this. I'll just get straight to the point. I'm a 24 (almost 25) year-old guy, and I have a roommate who's 19. We met at work, and are great friends. When I met his family, I felt a pretty strong emotional pull towards his sister. After a while, I realized I was pretty strongly attracted to her, and so far it seems like the feeling is mutual, though I've not actually asked her about it yet.
Without going through too much backstory, I found out during that time of growing attraction that she's actually sixteen, rather than the 17, close to 18 that I thought. Now, I'm really wanting to do the right thing here, not to mention without landing myself in jail, but my problem is that I've always fallen hard and fast when it comes to matters of the heart, and I'm in a bit of a pickle... I've talked to my roommate, and he's alright with the idea, but I really need some advice as to how to approach this. My gut says to tell her, and stay friends for the next year and a half, but I could really use your advice on this. Also there's the little question of talking to her mom about it...
P.S. In case it's relevant, I live in Arizona.
Razhie is correct in everything she has said. This girl can be the most mature 16 year old there is still for the next 7 years there are things that at your age you may enjoy doing that she legally cannot do sex notwithstanding.
For the next year and half you cannot cross a state line with her even with her parents permission without violating the Federal Man act. Even if crossing the state line was only to party or gamble. She is too young to gamble, must be 21, though she can party but cannot drink alcohol until 21. There are other travel restrictions that would come into play depending on where you wanted to travel. Marriage would cancel some but not all.
Then there are difference in what you like to what she might like. You have already done all those things teenagers do, she hasn't. She will want to do most of them.
Then there is the question of friends yours and hers. There is going to be a difference in maturity levels you cannot help that. How will your friends take to having someone around who to them may be a child. Her friends may see you as a chaperone.
She may be pretty, intelligent and even mature for her age. Though given an almost ten year difference in age this is not a relationship made anywhere close to heaven for with of you.
Some people feel that age is only a number and in some instances I would agree. If she was say 22 to you 30 or 31 my advice would be different. Given the fact that she is still a teenager, still going through puberty she has yet to experience what you experienced as a teenager.
My advice to you has to be to look at her as your roommate's younger sister and just that. Not as a love interest. Find someone your own age to date. To look at or go after this young girl as a love interest can only hurt her and seriously harm your future as well.
Hi. I am a thirty year old female. For the past three years of my life, I haven't dated. I haven't messed around with anyone, I just shut myself away... Because I just was tired of being hurt and let down... But this past weekend, I made a horrible mistake, I gotten drunk with my co- workers. And I had sex with my co- worker. And that night, he told me he liked me.... And wanted to have a relationship with me. But the next day, I found out everybody at my job knows. He started acted distinct, he told me he didn't want a relationship, because he wanted to hang out with his friends without me getting angry. But he still wanted to hang out, and get to know me, with a possibility of a relationship in the future. So we made plans to hang out yesterday. And once I arrived to work, he totally ignored me... Only talked to me when he had to. And it just hurts like hell! I'm not that type of girl, I don't sleep around. I don't have one night stands. And it sucks, because he was one of the few people at my job, that I loved and respected, but he just treated me like I was nothing. And, a part of me just want to quit, I feel embarrassed, I'm so ashamed, I feel like crap. Because I made the mistake of mixing business with pleasure. I always usually know what to do, and how to get out of things, but as of now I don't have an idea. What should I do?
I have one question: Are you certain everyone knows you slept with this man or is it something you think you are seeing? I ask this question because you sound like someone who would be ashamed if people knew you slept with a co-worker especially if the person was in anyway a supervisor. Sometimes certain fears make perceptions a reality for us. There is an old saying about perception; if you perceive it therefore it is.
As for him. You may be right or you may be perceiving something that may not have changed all that much as you inwardly would think if you were in a relationship with him he would want to spend more time with you at work and he isn't. From his perspective he may be staying away so as not to give any indication that his relationship with you has changed.
If he is in any way in a supervisory position over you at work. Then any relationship with you even outside of work does put him in jeopardy at work. so it is possible that he is staying away from you at work but for good reason.
The answer to your problem may not be to quit your job. It may be the lack of communication between you. If he is staying away from you at work so as not to indicate a relationship with you to anyone at work. It just might be noticeable to more people than just you. This could cause people to ask as to why which would be the whole reason for doing so to prevent these types of questions.
Talk to him. Find out why. If he is being childish about your budding relationship; take him down of the pedestal you've had him on and move on, bot at work and outside of work.
My wife keeps the bedroom feeling like an icebox even when it's cold as you know what outside. We could have snow on the ground and she has to sleep with fans and a window cracked. The inside of our bedroom feel like being outside to me and I already have arthritis. On top of it all, I hurt and am always waking up feeling like crap. She is constantly sick but very hard headed.
Her not wanting to compromise to see that atleast eliminations can would help both of us. PLEASE HELP, I miss sleeping in my bed and just want to feel like myself again. Like right now fans are off, heat is on in the house but because they stay on all night, our bedroom is freezing and I'm stuck in a semi warm closet.
Unfortunately I know exactly how you feel. My wife suffers from hot flashes partly because of age and partly because of medication she takes. While I don't mind a cool bedroom she likes a cold bedroom. Because of medication I take I suffer from night sweats so I think you can imagine what it is like to wake up covered in sweat in a frigid bedroom.
Before I started to suffer from night sweats I tolerated the cold by adding a blanket to my side of the bed. Since my wife went to sleep before me I would shut the window down to only about an inch opening. I found this let in more than enough cool air to keep the room cool. Since my wife sleeps closer to the window than I do I felt this should satisfy her. We also have a ceiling fan in our bedroom which circulates air more gently than a table fan will and was left on in a low speed srtting.
This worked until I started to have my problem. I told my wife we had to reach a compromise as I could not see how having the bedroom only a few degrees warmer than outside was any help to her when she slept with the covers up to her nose. I gave her a choice either the window or the fan. She chose the fan. So now when I come to bed if the room is to cool I close the window and leave the fan on.
If my wife gets to warm she will usually throw the cover of, which usually ends up on me. I can deal with this better then a freezing room or an empty side of the bed.
Marriage has always been and always will be a series of compromises to achieve that 50/50 split that marriage is meant to be. Talk to your wife and see if a compromise can't be reached. Remember one thing about a good compromise. By definition it is something neither side like but both sides can live with.
I am 26, his 41 things have only just started. He is married with 3 kids but things have been over for awhile it is all for the kids. He is very sincere and genuine and I do trust him and I know he won't purposely hurt me. He is very affectionate and I guess he is going to want to take it to the next level some stage. I am a virgin and keeping feeling like I might be like a hermit or frigid or something like that. I just really don't no what to think I don't want this to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me. Just some advice would really be appreciated. Also any questions you have I will answer.
Being frigid and being a virgin are two totally different things. Being frigid means not having sex for a variety of reasons none of which have anything to do with staying chaste until the right man comes along. All women have some fear of their first sexual intercourse and this is natural for there can be some pain involved for them, though not always. Fear of the first intercourse is not seen as being frigid unless this fear of first intercourse is so paralyzing that you just refuse to have sex with anyone. I don't see this as the issue with you at this time.
What I see is a 26 year old female dating a married man who as much as she wants to believe he is being truthful with her has her reservations. You have held on to your virginity this long waiting for just the right guy to give it to and here for all practical purposes is the one you think will be tender and loving when he enters you for the first time and make it the memorable experience you have dreamed of.
Problem is in the corner of your mind there is a warning light flashing. Something is not right. Is he feeding you a line? Is he still living with his wife sharing a bed with her and still having sex with her? The answer to the first could be yes and the second is you really don't know but could probably be yes as well.
Are your dates with this man in public for any and all to see. You didn't say. If you are dating in a very private manner where you will not be seen by anyone who knows him. Then I would say he is feeding you a line to get into your panties and in the back of your mind where this warning light is flashing, you know this. Being concerned as to whether or not to give this man your virginity under these circumstances is not being frigid, it is being smart.
As someone much older than this man I can tell you that even when I was younger than you; I was shocked and honored that a girl I was dating chose me over all others to give her virginity too. We were young and we were just dating. Neither of us saw marriage as a future as we had just graduated high school. For whatever her reasons she chose me to give her virginity too.
You have waited this long for the right person to give your virginity to. Your reasons for doing so are yours. They could be moral reasons or religious reasons. I do not think they are because you are frigid.
18/f
So I've been with a guy for two months now in a relationship.
He's really into me, and even talks of me being 'the one' and marriage etc.
However I recently went out clubbing and remembered how good the single life is. Not in a hoe type way-but how nice it is to be free and flirty.
I do love my boyfriend, but I just don't fancy him and (this sounds so harsh) I do think I could do better.
However I'm his first girlfriend and considering he thinks we'll be life partners, I don't want to hurt his feelings. He said he thought he'd be a loner all his life until he met me.
I used to think when I came to Uni that I wanted a relationship, now I'm in one all I want is to have a bit of freedom again. I mean heavens, somethings wrong here when I find 80% of the club guys hotter than my boyfriend.
How can I get out of this mess? And sorry this is so long!
To start with, 18 is really very young to be in a committed life partner type relationship with someone. It does happen for some and statistically these early marriages fail more than they are successful.
What you need to tell him and plainly so is: that at this time your plans do not include a life partner now or at anytime in the near future. That if this is not acceptable to him then you will understand if he wants to date someone else. Though if you do continue to date any further talk of a future life together is not only unacceptable it is a deal breaker as far as dating is concerned
This puts him in the position of breaking up with you rather than you breaking up with him. What you are doing is putting your cards on the table and being honest with him. You are saying; "I like you, we can date, but marriage is not in the equation now or anytime in the near or distant future for me."
im really scared. i had surgery on my nose a little while ago because i broke it. and now everytime i talk my nose feels really strange. am i hallucinating or shuld i tell someone?
I'm not sure what you mean by strange. If you nose feels some vibration from your voice I would think that normal since to correct the broken nose the generally have to break it and reset it.
Now if you are in pain that is a different story. I would expect you to be in a certain amount of pain especially on the day of surgery and then as your nose heals and the insult of the surgery diminishes the pain will go away. Doctors use a scale of 1 to 10 to gage how much pain a person is in as each person tolerates pain differently.
A pain score of say 1 to 4 is minor pain; 5 to 7 moderate pain and 8 to 10 major pain. If your score is 8 to 10 with pain medication being taken then you need to call the doctor. You either need stronger pain medication or you have an infection. A score of 5 to 7 with pain medication is up to you as to whether or not to call the doctor. It could be that an infection is starting or you may want to put an ice pack on the area to see if this helps bring down your pain score. Most people can tolerate a score of 1 to 4. Icing the area generally will help lower the score.
Due to an auto accident a number of years ago I suffer from chronic so I am well acquainted with and what it feels like and how to deal with it, but I am not a doctor. So if you are concerned check with the doctor who fixed your nose.
Well me and my boyfriend had sex yesterday it's not our first time it's our third we are protected every time but for the first time I had a little bit of blood come out today and I don't know from what? I'm just confused did my cherry pop? Can that happen after the 3rd time of having sex? Or what else could it be?
There are a couple of reasons why you bled this time. Besides rough sex or not having enough lubrication it is possible if your Hymen was intact for your first intercourse some of it remained attached and for some reason during this intercourse it was torn away.
Another reason is if your boyfriend has a longer than average penis that he hit your cervix during intercourse causing it to bleed. You would know if he was as you would feel him hitting you and it could be anywhere from uncomfortable to painful for you.
If he is hitting your cervix during intercourse then he is going to need to be more careful and not fully penetrate you with his penis. Another words shorten his stroke so he does not fully lodge himself in you.
If you are properly lubricated, you can use lubricating gel, available at any drug store or supermarket, and is not hitting your cervix, and you belled again after sex with him. Then you need to see a GYN.
Hey everyone :)
I'm sorry if I offend you in any way in this question.
I started to think it would be amazingly problem solving if the world did end on December 21.
Now there's something you all need to know before you answer this, angrily.
I'm a very happy person, I love my family, I love everyone. I just see my life, & everyone's life, as pointless. Everything I care about, everyone I love, is not permanent. Everything dies, nothing lasts forever. So I don't see the point in caring so much about a life that is so unimportant as the ones we lead. This is something that really worries me at times. I feel like my thoughts are very negative, me being the happy, very grateful & thankful person that I am. My own thoughts confuse me sometimes, though.
I think that with all of these people I see on Facebook with completely naked pictures & people saying they hate their parents, bath salts, babies with iPhones, people who don't say I love you to their parents because its "embarrassing", crimes committed every day that involve deaths, people with no confidence, peer pressure, jealousy, addiction, teen pregnancy, rape, shooting in a theatre, shooting of children that could be the next president one day, & just
negativity in general.
I'll tell you one thing. When people commit suicide, I don't feel bad at all. In fact, I don't respect the idea of it at all. It's kind of even funny to me. The only people I would cry over taking their own life is a schizophrenic. They all have a good reason to want to die. They're trapped in their own brain. The brain is such an important thing to have control over. It literally summons up everything that ever happens for you (if you're confused, watch the movie "The Secret") and to not have control over it, you're basically as good as dead, anyway
People take things for granted. I would never take my family or my friends, or anyone who wants to be around me in general, AT ALL for granted. My life is too important to me for me to be spending it with hate.
Keep in mind, I want to live my life. I want to be happy as much as possible. But I can't just sit back & not say anything about the very sad & careless things that happen every day, & the crimes committed toward innocent people every day. This is my first attempt at saying something. Feel free to call me names, speak your mind. I want to know what people think.
Is it bad that I feel this way? Am I the only one? Am I wrong?
Any comments/opinions are appreciated.
If in any way, this upsets you, please let me know why.
Thank you for reading :) & have a nice day :D
No I don't think you're a bad person or a dark person. In fact I think you are probably quite normal for your probable age just over analyzing the world we live in.
At some point in our young lives I believe all of us come face to face with reality and we don't like what we see. we are helpless to change what see and that scares us. For those of us that fall into this position it happens partly because of the education we receive. Because of it we are forced to become more aware of ourselves and the world around us.
You most likely are a more sensitive person, more outgoing more empathetic towards those that don't have what you have. There is nothing wrong with this. The problem you have is balance. Balance in that this has been going on long before you arrived. The world was not a better place when decades ago I was your age.
Sure we have found better way to hurt and kill our fellow man. Statistically though if you look at the population today versus the population when I was your age. The crime patterns of today are lower than the crime patterns back then. The difference is media attention and advances in how news is gathered and the advances in how that news is reported. Today if a crime is committed that is newsworthy the cameras are on scene almost before police and the footage is being sent directly into our living rooms unedited. This is relatively new technology.
Todays war on the six o'clock news. During Vietnam and Korean war what you saw was well edited and two days old as film had to flown to New York, edited and then presented on the news. Today you have the report live from the battlefield.
When you put things in prospective or add balance you will see that the world does not have to end or will not end. The world did not come to an end in the 50's, 60's or 70's it has continued basically unchanged. The world will continue and your children may feel as you do when they reach your present age though the world will continue for them.
It would be nice if there was true peace in the world and maybe your generation can do something about it . Mine has tried and failed as has my parents and grandparents generations.
To see the world as you are seeing it without accepting the fact that you need to accept balance for your view is only going to paralyze you and them maybe make you dark with fear. Education is the answer to you concerns. the more you learn the better you knowledge of what the world is doing and how it affects you. The better prepared you are to deal with it.
Can my periods get delayed or can i miss my periods if my boyfriend has fingered me?
Quick answer; No. Sperm has to enter your vagina to get pregnant. The only way that can happen is for a penis to enter your vagina and ejaculate into you.
The major reasons for delayed and missed periods are stress and pregnancy. Stress over worrying over if you are pregnant is probably the biggest reason a girl your age misses or is late with a period.
The other reasons can be the taking of certain medications such as antibiotics, change in diet or lifestyle or change I exercise routine. There are more reasons though these are the most often reason for a late or missed period other than pregnancy. Also it is not uncommon for teenagers to miss a period while going through puberty as more hormones are released as you go through puberty.
boyfriend's family is not very friendly to my niece. They are both teenagers and very much in love, so my niece has to keep visiting his house. But the boyfriend's family gets nasty and sometimes slaps him when she leaves. As an aunt should I intervene?
I agree with everything Dragonflymagic said in the first three paragraphs of his response.
Where I disagree is with the last two paragraphs. Hitting a child in the face, this is what slapping means to me, is considered child abuse. If you believe this is true then you can and should report this to either CPS or the Police there is no good reason for any one to hit or slap a child anywhere on their body other than there butt. Even then moderation is the word.
Also I would suggest you talk with your niece and suggest she and her boyfriend meet someplace other than his house. This will alleviate the problem he faces from his family by her not being in their home.
If we knew what the problem her parents had with your niece we could offer more help. Since we do not this is the best we can offer. If you believe your niece and I have no doubt that you do then I do suggest you call CPS and ask them to investigate.
(Dragonflymagic answered Wednesday December 11 2013, 11:58 pm:
You didn't make yourself to clear. At first I thought you meant your boyfriends family. But I read it several times and think you are saying that you are the aunt of a teenage girl who is crazy about her boyfriend. She visits his house. While there, no one is friendly with her. when she leaves the house, the boy is yelled at and slapped around by his family.
If that is what you are trying to say...I have some questions. You said she "has to" keep visiting his house. Who is forcing her to visit him there? Why can't they meet elsewhere? That part is not clear. I highly doubt that someone is forcing her against her will to go to his house.
Next question: How do you know that the teen age boy is being verbally and physically abused when she leaves? Is this what the niece tells you? Or have you been there to give her a ride home and witnessed this?)
I'm a 20 year-old guy and I just started college at a university filled with hot girls, and I always think about girls, all day.
I am single and have been for a while, and I just always think about girls and sex and when I am in my house that is all I ever think about. Do I have a problem?
No, your normal.
it's like taking a bath with a bunch of people you don't know. Disgusting. If you want to relax in some water why not fill up one of those small tubs in your backyard
not to mention you have to wear a pretty embarassing outfit in front of everyone. Doing the swimming unit in school and both boys and girls are there. Though at least those are your peers
I have never thought of swimming as taking a bath with a lot of other people you don't know. Now that you mention it, it is kind of true. There is a practical side of swimming other than this one fact and bathing suits. Knowing how to swim is important if you ever need to swim to save your own life. As for the swimming outfits you generally have a choice of outfits with the possible exception of school swim classes where everyone wears the same outfit.
Outside of school no one will force you to swim if you do not want to. Knowing how to swim is important. Lets say your on a date and you go for a boat ride. Something happens and you find yourself in the water. There is not lifeguard to save you. Knowing how to swim and tread water is important. in saving yourself. Don't say it can't happen as it does happen.
Please don't say that will never happen to me for it can and might. You never know. Remember to the person you believe is the other person you are the other person to them. So things are just as likely to happen to you.
I'm a good driver, haven driven well over a million miles in my lifetime without an accident. I never thought I would end up disabled because of one. Then one day someone not paying attention ran into me at over 60 MPH and I became disabled because of it.
My advice is to bite the bullet. Learn to swim with your swimming class. Once you know how then you can decide if you ever want to go swimming or not on your own in the future though if you need to you will know how.
13/m
So i fraped a friend of mine saying "Missing stephen." stephen is a wierd boy in our class and his mother saw it and asked who he was, my friend said it was me, now the mother wants to talk to the principal and to my parents! what should i do?? our school is pretty strict!
Not knowing just what you did, fraped and "Missing Stephen" doesn't tell me much. The fact that you hacked into someone else web page is a huge screw up on you part. You may have thought you were having fun at his expense when in reality you broke the law. Hacking is what you did to frap his page. Hacking is illegal and you could, depending on your age end up in juvenal court facing a judge or in district court as an adult if your old enough to be charged as an adult and the state prosecutor wants to make an example of you.
Am I trying to scare you? Yes!!! You did something stupid and I believe you know it. Now you have been caught and you want to know how to get out of being punished.
My advise is to apologize to this boy and his mother and to ask for mercy. Tell them that you were stupid and you won't do it again. Accept what ever punishment you parents give you without complaint for you have earned it. Hope and pray the boys mother does not file a police complaint for if you think the school is strict. The police are stricter.
Besides hacking what you have done is considered bullying as well. There has been a lot in the news recently about bullying especially over social media such as Facebook. There have been several suicides because of this type of bullying and the police and the courts are doing there best to stop this.
I met a wonderful guy and we both like each other. He's got everything from looks to personality to being an overall good character, but my only concern is that I'm not sure he knows what he wants to do in life. I'm 21 and he's going to be 24. It's time to start thinking about your future at this age, right? He has a certificate in dental assisting and is a well-respected man in the community but when it comes to starting a life with someone, I worry that it won't be a 50-50 commitment. I bust my butt off at school to maintain my grades to go into a good career to make myself finally secure in the future but I don't see him making any effort to do such a thing. He has a job, but he doesn't take it seriously. I feel like he doesn't take life seriously. I understand that marriage is a sacrifice, but how much is too much that you have to sacrifice to be with someone. I say marriage because I want to be with this person for a long time and hope that it surmounts to marriage but we just started dating, and I'm already realizing this. Should I talk to him about how I feel? Is it too soon? I know I'm 21 and I have years ahead of me but I don't want to prolong something that in the back of my mind, won't happen.
You have asked a really good question. What you are asking is; When is it the time to tell someone what your life plans are or what you are looking for in a future with someone. These are really two separate questions. You have a third question in that you see this person as somewhat lacking in direction or immature for his age and not sure how to address this with him.
Lets start with the fact that you have just started dating. This would put the last two question something for discussion further down the relationship road. To address this so early in your relationship with him could scare him or any man off. It's not fair even in todays enlightened world but a woman who is forward enough to start planning the wedding, so to speak, after just a few dates would be seen as controlling or desperate. Were as if the man did so it would be seen as cute or loving. Still at some point these issues will need to be addressed.
I do not see where it would be wrong for you to ask him what his life goals are, what he sees himself doing in the future. You don't need to and should not ask for a 10 or 20 year life plan, though I see nothing wrong in a conversation about what each of you feel your life goals are.
Should he have no goals in life then, depending on how he states it, you might be able to give him input on how to organize his life, mature and have some goals in life. Telling someone you see him as lazy or immature is a very sensitive subject to approach. Something you need to be on much firmer ground then just a few dates with them.
IF you feel this is the man you may want to spend the rest of your life with. Then you have a lot of work to do to not only feel him out but to see if he is willing to grow up and mature enough to be at the very least a 50/50 life partner. I may get kicked out of the men's club for saying this; there are some men that just never grow up. I can't say if he is one of those men.
Long story short-
I dated my ex (my first love)for more than 2 years, got engaged, were soon to be married , did crazy things together which i might never do with anyone else.Then we hit a bad patch. His family thought I was not good enough for him, etc.We broke up. He came back, I took him.He left to a different country, we continued to be in the relationship. In one year after he left, his behavior changed, he met new people, started ignoring me etc. I called it off. He comes back to me,asks me to marry him. He promised to behave himself,to come for me in a few months and get married. I gave it one more chance, he goes back, same old behaviour. Lied to me, ignored me etc. I called it off. And moved on.I Found someone and am getting married in a month. Now he is back again after an year, and is begging me to marry him. He seems like he has changed. The arrogance is gone, sends me texts all through the day and in the night trying to convince me.I am in a fix. I know my ex is all wrong, he will go back on his word .
The one I am going to marry now is a research scholar and all that, more mature, good nature d ,trustworthy, respects me, families are happy,but he is not as interesting, spontaneous, passionate as my ex.I respect him , but I am not as passionate about him as I was towards my ex. Will I regret my decision to marry him? I'm scared . What do I do?
First loves are always hard to get over especially when they continue to remain in the picture in someway. From what you have written your first love is not ever going to change, I think he has proven that to you. I believe he sees you getting married and will tell you anything you want to hear to stop you and keep you on a string while he is off doing his thing wherever,when and where he pleases.
Will you regret your decision to marry the man you're engaged to? That is really hard to say as marriages do fail. If this marriage does fail I feel it won't be because you didn't marry your first love; it will be for another reason.
Having second thoughts are normal this close to the wedding day. Yours are complicated by the return of the ex, don't let that happen. Spontaneity and passion are a learned experience one you can teach your husband in the privacy of your home and bedroom or any other room of the house. There is a very fine line between respect and love to the point that they are almost synonymous.
Not knowing your age it is hard for me to know if you are questioning your decision for fear something or someone better will come along. As is the grass is greener on the other side of the fence; or if you are not truly in love with this man. As I said above it is normal to have cold feet at this point. You're about to enter a marriage that hopefully will last the rest of your lives. You want to make sure you've made the right choice.
I believe you probably have made the right choice. First loves are just that. They are the first people other than family that show you affection and you have affection for. As with your first love they rarely last as we learn different things about them we don't care for so we move on. It is a learning experience and is why we call it a first love for there will be more loves to come.
I wish I could tell you for certain that you made the right choice but I can't. I can only tell you that 42 years ago I married a women I met after a second attempt at getting together with my first love. A girl that everyone said we were meant to be together. I have since learned she has gone through 3 husbands. Would I have been one of the three? I do not know. What I do know is I have been extremely happy with the woman I chose to marry.
I am 14 now I need to start deciding what I want to do in the futrure so I know what to a achieve the now. I can't decide between dentistry and directing. I have a lot of experience with directing with directing, writing and performing in 6 performances currently working on another, but the problem is, is that it is not the most stable job in the market but I am willing to work for it. Also because I live in Scotland I would need to move to either London or America to make a good living. Again this does not bother me too much. More the expenses. My other choice destistry is more stable but there is a lot of denstists with and without experience out there and it will be difficult to get into the business. Not forgetting that Scotland is with the NHS so that would bring down pay but it would cost a lot of money to start up my own dentistry and I don't know if it is all worth it.What do you think would be the best road for me to go down?
It is good that you are starting to think about your future. The fact is though you are still quite young and have time to make a decision.
As far as Dentistry goes that is a very good profession. A profession that constantly needs the influx of new doctors as the older doctors retire and sell their practices. This is how many new doctors start out by buying an older doctors practice. Your practice in a sense becomes your retirement nest egg. The new doctor starts as your associate then buys the practice as the patients get use to seeing the new doctor and the older Doctor retires with an income from the sale.
Directing on the other hand is more than just an unstable industry. It is almost impossible to get into and become successful. If you're lucky you get hired as a grip or gopher. If your real luck and work hard you may work your way up the production staff over the next ten or fifteen years. From their if a producer takes a liking to you then you may get the chance to direct something, probably not a feature film. There is too much money involved to trust someone who does not have a name in the business.
Unless you are of independent wealth or have the ability to find the tens of millions of dollars it takes to produce a feature film? Directing is a longshot at best. Hollywood is the home to more broken dreams than any other industry you could name.
I would suggest you follow Dentistry and look to direct local theater.
I am 24 years old and my boyfriend that I have been dating for about 3 days now told me he loved me with the bottom of his soul . I have known this guy since High school if that helps any. I asked him how can you love me that much if we have only been dating 3 days he said he felt this way about me ever since we were in High school but I was to busy dating everyone else and then he asked me to the senior prom and I turned him down I guess because I was still trying to get over my ex at the time and I was scared of getting hurt again . Is it possible for him to love me with the bottom of soul like he says he does when we have only been dating 3 days even though we have known each other since High school and I don't understand why don't feel the same way he does about him as he does about me why is that ?
I would say you are wondering if his love is a true love or one that is more of an infatuation that has built over time since high school. Fact is both are possible. Only time will tell you for certain. More important is the question for you. Do you think a romance can be had with him. IF you feel that is it possible then continue to see him and see where it leads. If not don't lead him on as right now he is living his dream dating the girl he has been fascinated with 6 years or more.
If you believe in love at first sight then it is very possible to believe he is truly in love with you. I met my wife 43 years age and we have been married for 42 of them. We talked by phone for a month or so as we both worked for the same company and phone between us where a requirement of the job. I knew when I finally met her that this was the girl I would marry. Later my wife told me she knew the same thing when we first met. So to me love at first sight is and was possible. Our marriage has outlasted several of our friends marriages who dated several years before they married.
So the short and real answer to your question rests with you and how you feel about him.
I've known him for 5 months. He's an incredibly sweet, kind, caring, and genuine guy. He's older than me and lives far away. My parents don't care about the age difference but don't believe that he has a good enough job for someone of his age. They think that I can't possibly know him (because of the distance) and don't know what kind of family he comes from etc.
He's come to visit me multiple times since we met. These visits are really expensive because he has to get a hotel. If I were to visit him it would be a lot cheaper because I could stay at his apartment, or even at my friends apartment which is 45 mins away from his.
I'm 18 years old but am still dependent on my parents. They said that if I go visit him they will stop paying for my university. However he can't come visit me anytime soon and I really miss him. They took my passport and think that I don't know but I realized it was missing. So I'd have to confront them and ask for my passport back.
I don't know what to do.
This is what is called a conundrum. In most western countries at age 18 you are considered an adult and can do as you please. Yet at age 18 most adults your age are still considered children by their parents dependent upon them just as if they were in a sense still infants. The one your parents have done that is very wrong is taking of your passport. That is a government document issued to you and is legally your property. In effect they have stolen a government document from you. A conundrum in simple terms is damned if do and damned if you don't.
One thing you left out of you letter that would help in giving you some advice would be if this is a first real love for you. First loves are always very meaningful especially for the females. It is instinctive in the female to love whereas in the male it is more instinctive to protect.
Are your parents wrong in how they are handling this situation? I believe so but then again I am older than they are and have already gone through this with my child.
What you need to do is sit down and calmly talk to your parents. You start the conversation by telling them that you love them. You tell them that you are an adult now and you need to experience life as an adult. You appreciate their concern and advice but in the end you have to make your own decisions your own mistakes. You would hope that they will be there to help you pick up the pieces should you make a mistake and fall; though should they decide not to be there for you, you will understand.
As for this gentleman; you have no idea where this relationship is going. Will it lead to marriage? You don't know. Will you have sex with him? You don't know> This is the big question all parents worry about for their daughters. You continue with. As an adult a sex life is something you will decide upon. They have raised you well and when (does not matter at this point if you are or are not sexually active they need not know) the times comes you will be on birth control and insist the boy/man wear a condom. You can tell them that this is how adults in this age approach a sex life.
You continue with; You will never know and will always wonder what would have been if they cloister you every time you meet someone that does not measure up to their standards. This is very wrong on their part, you have to be allowed to fly on your own. You won't ask them to fund your trips to see him ojust not threaten you with monetary hardships now or in the future to demand compliance with their wishes for they may not like you answer. Then ask for your passport back. If they refuse you can threaten to go to the passport authority and ask them to have it returned to you. For as I said as an adult it is now your legal property and they cannot withhold it.
It is always better to negotiate then it is to confront. so try negotiating first.
F/24. Ok, so about 3 years ago i found out that i have polysistic ovarian syndrome and one of the side affects is that I will either have a lot of problems trying to get pregnant or I won't be able to at all. I just started seeing a new guy. Were only about 6 weeks into a relationship. My question is this. When should I tell him that I may never be able to get pregnant. Should I do it right away? Should I wait until we become more serious? I don't want him to think I have been keeping secrets from him. Also, how should I tell him??? Help!
I agree with Zane. I would wait until things got more serious between you. To tell him 6 weeks into a relationship is really putting the cart before the horse even if you are sleeping together.
The time to tell him is when you two start talking about a life together or he starts hinting that you two should move in together. That is when he has to know. This is when you say; "before we go further sown this road their is something you need to know about me." There is an opportunity for a couple of jokes to be made here and he may make one. Then you tell him.
This is not the end of the world. You may with a doctors help have a natural child. If not then of course you two if you proceeded to marriage have the opportunity to adopt a child. This is the time to explore these options with him after you tell him about the possibilities of you conceiving a child naturally. That is of course if he is a man that actually wants children, it could be he may not want and y children.