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Is he a good life partner?
I met a wonderful guy and we both like each other. He's got everything from looks to personality to being an overall good character, but my only concern is that I'm not sure he knows what he wants to do in life. I'm 21 and he's going to be 24. It's time to start thinking about your future at this age, right? He has a certificate in dental assisting and is a well-respected man in the community but when it comes to starting a life with someone, I worry that it won't be a 50-50 commitment. I bust my butt off at school to maintain my grades to go into a good career to make myself finally secure in the future but I don't see him making any effort to do such a thing. He has a job, but he doesn't take it seriously. I feel like he doesn't take life seriously. I understand that marriage is a sacrifice, but how much is too much that you have to sacrifice to be with someone. I say marriage because I want to be with this person for a long time and hope that it surmounts to marriage but we just started dating, and I'm already realizing this. Should I talk to him about how I feel? Is it too soon? I know I'm 21 and I have years ahead of me but I don't want to prolong something that in the back of my mind, won't happen.
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You have asked a really good question. What you are asking is; When is it the time to tell someone what your life plans are or what you are looking for in a future with someone. These are really two separate questions. You have a third question in that you see this person as somewhat lacking in direction or immature for his age and not sure how to address this with him.
Lets start with the fact that you have just started dating. This would put the last two question something for discussion further down the relationship road. To address this so early in your relationship with him could scare him or any man off. It's not fair even in todays enlightened world but a woman who is forward enough to start planning the wedding, so to speak, after just a few dates would be seen as controlling or desperate. Were as if the man did so it would be seen as cute or loving. Still at some point these issues will need to be addressed.
I do not see where it would be wrong for you to ask him what his life goals are, what he sees himself doing in the future. You don't need to and should not ask for a 10 or 20 year life plan, though I see nothing wrong in a conversation about what each of you feel your life goals are.
Should he have no goals in life then, depending on how he states it, you might be able to give him input on how to organize his life, mature and have some goals in life. Telling someone you see him as lazy or immature is a very sensitive subject to approach. Something you need to be on much firmer ground then just a few dates with them.
IF you feel this is the man you may want to spend the rest of your life with. Then you have a lot of work to do to not only feel him out but to see if he is willing to grow up and mature enough to be at the very least a 50/50 life partner. I may get kicked out of the men's club for saying this; there are some men that just never grow up. I can't say if he is one of those men.
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