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My parents hate my boyfriend and won't let me see him?
I've known him for 5 months. He's an incredibly sweet, kind, caring, and genuine guy. He's older than me and lives far away. My parents don't care about the age difference but don't believe that he has a good enough job for someone of his age. They think that I can't possibly know him (because of the distance) and don't know what kind of family he comes from etc.
He's come to visit me multiple times since we met. These visits are really expensive because he has to get a hotel. If I were to visit him it would be a lot cheaper because I could stay at his apartment, or even at my friends apartment which is 45 mins away from his.
I'm 18 years old but am still dependent on my parents. They said that if I go visit him they will stop paying for my university. However he can't come visit me anytime soon and I really miss him. They took my passport and think that I don't know but I realized it was missing. So I'd have to confront them and ask for my passport back.
I don't know what to do.
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You may know what he wants to show you about him. I am not saying hes a bsd person i dont know him but if there is something truely there than it can wait. Get threw school they are paying for your school amd helping you. Starting a career is extremely important exspecially in todays society. I know its not what you want to here but unless you are able to pay for your own schooling amd be independent listen to your parents charish the time that you two do have together when he comes to visit it will bring you closer
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This is what is called a conundrum. In most western countries at age 18 you are considered an adult and can do as you please. Yet at age 18 most adults your age are still considered children by their parents dependent upon them just as if they were in a sense still infants. The one your parents have done that is very wrong is taking of your passport. That is a government document issued to you and is legally your property. In effect they have stolen a government document from you. A conundrum in simple terms is damned if do and damned if you don't.
One thing you left out of you letter that would help in giving you some advice would be if this is a first real love for you. First loves are always very meaningful especially for the females. It is instinctive in the female to love whereas in the male it is more instinctive to protect.
Are your parents wrong in how they are handling this situation? I believe so but then again I am older than they are and have already gone through this with my child.
What you need to do is sit down and calmly talk to your parents. You start the conversation by telling them that you love them. You tell them that you are an adult now and you need to experience life as an adult. You appreciate their concern and advice but in the end you have to make your own decisions your own mistakes. You would hope that they will be there to help you pick up the pieces should you make a mistake and fall; though should they decide not to be there for you, you will understand.
As for this gentleman; you have no idea where this relationship is going. Will it lead to marriage? You don't know. Will you have sex with him? You don't know> This is the big question all parents worry about for their daughters. You continue with. As an adult a sex life is something you will decide upon. They have raised you well and when (does not matter at this point if you are or are not sexually active they need not know) the times comes you will be on birth control and insist the boy/man wear a condom. You can tell them that this is how adults in this age approach a sex life.
You continue with; You will never know and will always wonder what would have been if they cloister you every time you meet someone that does not measure up to their standards. This is very wrong on their part, you have to be allowed to fly on your own. You won't ask them to fund your trips to see him ojust not threaten you with monetary hardships now or in the future to demand compliance with their wishes for they may not like you answer. Then ask for your passport back. If they refuse you can threaten to go to the passport authority and ask them to have it returned to you. For as I said as an adult it is now your legal property and they cannot withhold it.
It is always better to negotiate then it is to confront. so try negotiating first.
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That's a difficult situation.
Your parents are just concerned. Honestly, if I had a daughter who was dating an older guy who lives far away, I'd be skeptical and would probably be feeling the same way as them.
So even though this sucks, I don't think there is a way to convince them to let you go see him and still have them pay for school. So you'd have to pick one. If you would rather go with him and work over there, then do that. If you'd rather just wait till you're done with school, then do that. It's hard when you can't have both things at once.
So I'd say talk to them, don't argue or anything. Just tell them that you understand why they feel that way but you'd really like to see him and it would mean a lot to you if they'd let you go.
Just state your reasons and hope that they let you go. If not, then you'll have to make your choice.
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I have seen you write in before. This is a very specific scenerio.
As I recall, plenty of us said that basically the parents have you cornered, like being between a rock and a hard place. Although you are an adult age wise, you can not take care of yourself financially yet. No matter if adult or not, when living under the parents roof, the usual custom is that their rules and wishes go, no matter what. If you don't like it, then quit the school idea, go live with your girlfriend and get a job. Then you can do as you wish. There is nothing else you can do.
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