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Am I a frigid woman?
I am 26, his 41 things have only just started. He is married with 3 kids but things have been over for awhile it is all for the kids. He is very sincere and genuine and I do trust him and I know he won't purposely hurt me. He is very affectionate and I guess he is going to want to take it to the next level some stage. I am a virgin and keeping feeling like I might be like a hermit or frigid or something like that. I just really don't no what to think I don't want this to ruin the best thing that has ever happened to me. Just some advice would really be appreciated. Also any questions you have I will answer.
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Being frigid and being a virgin are two totally different things. Being frigid means not having sex for a variety of reasons none of which have anything to do with staying chaste until the right man comes along. All women have some fear of their first sexual intercourse and this is natural for there can be some pain involved for them, though not always. Fear of the first intercourse is not seen as being frigid unless this fear of first intercourse is so paralyzing that you just refuse to have sex with anyone. I don't see this as the issue with you at this time.
What I see is a 26 year old female dating a married man who as much as she wants to believe he is being truthful with her has her reservations. You have held on to your virginity this long waiting for just the right guy to give it to and here for all practical purposes is the one you think will be tender and loving when he enters you for the first time and make it the memorable experience you have dreamed of.
Problem is in the corner of your mind there is a warning light flashing. Something is not right. Is he feeding you a line? Is he still living with his wife sharing a bed with her and still having sex with her? The answer to the first could be yes and the second is you really don't know but could probably be yes as well.
Are your dates with this man in public for any and all to see. You didn't say. If you are dating in a very private manner where you will not be seen by anyone who knows him. Then I would say he is feeding you a line to get into your panties and in the back of your mind where this warning light is flashing, you know this. Being concerned as to whether or not to give this man your virginity under these circumstances is not being frigid, it is being smart.
As someone much older than this man I can tell you that even when I was younger than you; I was shocked and honored that a girl I was dating chose me over all others to give her virginity too. We were young and we were just dating. Neither of us saw marriage as a future as we had just graduated high school. For whatever her reasons she chose me to give her virginity too.
You have waited this long for the right person to give your virginity to. Your reasons for doing so are yours. They could be moral reasons or religious reasons. I do not think they are because you are frigid.
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You are not frigid to have concerns and misgivings about more intimacy with this man.
He's significantly older than you, in a totally different stage of his life.
He is married, with children, and you don't actually say that he is separated, or living apart from his wife, which makes me suspect he is still living his life as a married man.
You also don't mention if your relationship is public, or if his wife actually knows he is dating.
If you are in a relationship with a man who is still married to his wife, (that he probably hasn't told anyone about) that's not really a relationship. No matter how affectionate or kind he seems to be, that is just an affair, and he is not committed to you and he is not respecting your needs or dignity.
Be very, very careful. Older men are not necessarily more intelligent or mature than younger men, but they are always more experienced - and that experience can include manipulation and deception.
Keep your eyes and ears open, and don't rush into anything with him. Better things will happen to you than a married 40 year old. I promise.
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The best thing to do is to tell him your concerns. I figured this out the hard way and almost lost my relationship. It is better to voice it now than wait.
Just tell him that you are a virgin and that you want to be with him, but that it might take you a little bit to get there. Tell him, if you're nervous that is, that he should help you along and teach you. That can be a huge turn on.
Make sure to tell him your needs and find out what he expects from you and just discuss. It will be extremely awkward at first, but it will bring you guys closer and might take away some of that frigid feeling you have. If he turns you away for being open and honest and willing, then he probably isn't who you thought he was.
Hope this helped!
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