about

My column is dedicated to telling it like it is. I will always give you the best information available to me or the best advice I can. I will be upfront and never hide the truth from you.

The one thing I will not do is you homework. I will try and point you towards the answer or help you find the answers you looking for. Ultimately you will have to find the answer yourself.

advice

So my boyfriend(now fiancé ) brought me for a perfect date tonight and asked me to marry him..

Why is this chick complaining?

I litterly came home and threw out my pathetic valentines gift for him. A giant rice crispie treat in the shape of a Hershey's kiss.

I have actually spent the whole night crying.

What do I do? I know it seems so insignificant but I'm actually devistated.

He litterly spent over $3000 on everything and I am the pathetic girlfriend who did a DIY from Pinterest.

First things first. Congratulations.

Now have you ever heard the expression it is not the size of the gift or the cost of the gift that counts it is the thought behind the gift that counts. Does your boyfriend like rice crispy treats? I fairly certain he does or you would not have taken the time to make it if he didn't. You would have made something else.

To me, and I'm a guy, there is nothing that says love like a homemade gift. Something my wife puts her time and effort in to show me her love. My Birthday is in the hottest month of summer. My mother made a habit of making my favorite dinner on my birthday. This meal takes a lot of preparation and really heats up not only the kitchen but the whole house as it has all the burners on the stove and the oven working making it tuff for the A/C to overcome. Yet since we have married which will be 43 years next July she has made this meal for me every year. To me that says love more than any gift she went to the store to purchase.

Yes your boyfriend spent a lot of money on his gift. He also asked you to marry him. Diamonds are not inexpensive to start with. Then he took you out to, I'm sure was, a nice restaurant to propose to you in the most romantic manner he knew how. So yes he spent a great deal of money this time on a valentine’s gift, it was a very special occasion.

Do not start out your new life with him trying to match dollar for dollar in gift spending. That's not the way it works. The gift should show your love and the thought of the occasion.

Now stop crying and go in the kitchen and start preparing him a nice dinner for tomorrow night with, if you’re old enough to purchase, a nice bottle of wine. Bake a cake to go with the dinner and enjoy a nice evening at home as an engaged couple. Then when you have the money and have had the time to put the proper amount of thought in to what to buy him as an engagement gift you go purchase it.

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Maybe I'm being overly sensitive because I already tend to feel invisible. Also, this may be something that happens to everyone. However I feel like people just don't listen to me.

I feel like when I speak, people ignore big parts of what I'm trying to say. People on this site are not guilty of this, but when I ask other people for advice, they're horrible at it because they don't listen to my whole question. When I tell a story and they repeat it, they get it all wrong.

Tonight someone got mad at me because I told them of certain things that people were doing that were offending me. I made sure to tell them that they were not one of these people, but they missed that part somehow and jumped down my throat. People do things like this somewhat often.

When I give someone a valuable piece of information, something that they need to know, if they don't know it, it's my fault. I get blamed for people not listening to me and maybe it is my fault. But how? What do I do about it? I used to think that it was indeed my fault. It didn't seem reasonable that everyone else was the problem, so maybe I wasn't making myself clear. I started making myself as clear as possible and I know that people could understand me, but they still don't. Is this a common problem? Do people think I'm not worth listening to?

Not being able to hear you speak I would be hard pressed to pinpoint any problem. If you feel you are being ignored when you talk to people or when you try to pass on information then it is probably happening to you. I don't think it is because they are not interested in what you have to say. It may be more in the way you say things.

I'll give you an example. A good friend of mine is married to a lovely lady. She is the type of person who would do anything for anyone including going without something if someone else needed it more than she did. She has only one flaw. When she talks she has a tendency to beat a subject to death. Not because she thinks she may be right or everyone else is wrong, she is just not able to accept just the portion of the story or information the teller is giving. When she talks she gives way to much information on subjects so those of us who know and love her have a tendency to listen with half an ear, picking out certain key words or phrases to acknowledge until we can change the subject.

I don't know if this is how you are when you speak or in conversation with others. This is just one person I know that as you described yourself is not listen to as you would like to be listened to.

If this is who you are do you need to change yourself? Not really. As I said of my friend; we all know of her little flaw and it doesn't really bother us, we still love and respect her for who she is. We all have flaws; those who love us will overlook them.

If you believe learning to speak better will help you with this problem then I recommend a public speaking course. A course like the Dale Carnegie Public Speaking Courses will not only help you with your personal life. It will help you in your school and professional life as well.

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is it bad to pee myself i am 30 years old

Short answer is yes, especially if you are doing so because you are having trouble controlling your bladder. If you pee yourself because it gives you some sort of thrill or sexual thrill then this is a fetish. Fetishes are both good and bad and this one has a depends on it; no pun intended.

IF you are having trouble controlling your bladder the first thing I suggest is you get yourself some adult diapers so you do not ruin your clothing. "Depends" is one such product and can be found in drug store, grocery store and big box stores such as Costco and Wal-Mart. Next call your doctor and make an appointment to find out why this is happening. There are any number of reasons for this to be happening and may be curable without any invasive procedures.

Bladder problems are a fairly common ailment for adults so there is no reason to be embarrassed about seeing a doctor. I'm sure your family doctor has seen his or hers fair share of this problem. IF your insurance allows and you would prefer not to see your family doctor. You could skip the family doctor and go right to the Urologist. The Urologist is doctor that deals in problems of the urinary tract.

You probably don't know an urologist and rather than pick one out of the phone book. Call your local hospital patient referral line. Tell them of your problem and they will refer you to either a staff doctor or one of the doctors that has privileges at that hospital.

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So me and my boyfriend are both 18 and we have been dating for 11 moths.I would like to do more than making out,hand jobs, blow jobs and fingering.but I honestly don't know I just wanna try some thing new WITHOUT HAVING SEX.Any ideas are appreciated thank you.

I'm not quite sure what you're asking. Though if you're asking what two people can do together other than stay home and have sex, that does not cost a lot of money. Then there are many things you can do together.

Depending on the time of the year and where you live. There could be free concerts in the park put on by your department of parks and recreation. Where I live they have a movie night three nights a week. Okay, the movies are not first run but they are free they are safe as they are well protected by County Police. No glass containers are allowed or alcoholic beverages. That does not stop you from packing a picnic basket with snacks or a late cold dinner and lounge on the lawn, watch a good movie and snack or eat dinner. Your local department of Parks & Recreation should have a number of things you may enjoy doing listed on their website.

Pack a picnic lunch and take a ride in the country. Find a nice spot and sit back enjoy lunch and the scenery. Go to museums, many of which are free or low cost. All government funded museums are generally free of charge. IF you live near a lake rent a boat and go for a ride.

For the most part explore where you live. Most of us ignore the places of interest where we live; mostly because they have become like wall paper to us. I grew up just outside of New York City. With the exception of a class trip to the UN and our annual Christmas trip to Radio City Music Hall I never visited the City as a tourist. Thirty years after I moved away I took my son on a visit as a tourist and I know there are things we did not have time to see. So explore your own home town and state.

To find places of interest in your state and which are free or have a cost. Visit the state tourism web site.

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I just cry over nothing a lot. I wake up at like 5 in the morning sometimes, cant sleep till 11 at night and I usually only get 6 hours of sleep but sometimes I sleep a lot and have naps during the day and feel really tired. I cry over petty little things and most times nothing at all! My eating has dropped and I only eat half of what I used to eat.

I cry and get upset over the smallest of things. And I don't want to either. I try to stop myself but I immediately get the tightness in my throat. My eyes get very watery and I would like to add that TONS of tears come out and I try to stop crying but I cant and I try to breathe in and out but I only cry more and I don't know what to do!

Even thinking about it makes my throat tighten and im scared because I don't know if it is a mental problem or something.
When im angry I cry, when im sad I cry, when I feel guilty I cry, when I hurt someone I cry, I just feel pathetic!

I've always thought I was one of those people that just brushes off what people say to you because no one has really bullied me but I realise when someone just call me something small I'll cry over it and I feel like a baby but I cant help it. is it stress? I don't know. :c

It would help to know your age for I think you are suffering teenage depression. You talk about two symptoms of teenage depression. If I am correct, and I am not a doctor so I cannot make a diagnosis, this is not really a mental illness as you are thinking. This is more of a hormonal problem stemming from puberty.

When your parent, grandparents and generations before them felt as you do know. Parents and doctors called this a phase children go through that they will grow out of. Most children did. Doctors no know this is not a phase but a real problem for which they can help you while your body adjusts the levels of hormones it needs to sustain a proper balance.

My suggestion is you ask to see the family doctor. Tell the doctor you're not eating, that you're having trouble sleeping and that you cry over everything. You can also tell the doctor that someone suggested you be screened for teenage depression. The screening is painless as it involves a series of question the answers you give will =allow the doctor to make a proper diagnoses. So be honest with the doctor in answering the questions.

If you are 14 years of age or over you can ask to the doctor without mom being in the exam room with you. Just say you wish to invoke your rights under HIPPA and the doctor will understand. HIPPA is a Federal Law that allows you certain medical confidentiality, mostly in regards to your reproductive system.

Since the doctor will most likely also want to do a complete physical to rule out any organic reason for how you feel. The HIPPA Law would apply to this visit with the doctor and you could meet with your doctor without mom or dad being with you in the exam room.

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Hey iam 17year old and form india, i want to have sex with my girlfriend can i control my sperm as i don't want to use condom and get her pregnant, i don't wanna use pill to stop pregnancy.

There are two reasons to use a condom. The first is pregnancy protection. The second is to prevent the transmission of STDs. Condoms do not stop all STDs but it does stop many of them and is effective in stopping the transmission of the HIV/AID virus which is quite high in certain parts of your country.

You may not have any symptoms but could be a carrier if you have had unprotected sex with anyone infected with an STD or the HIV/AIDs virus. The same is true for her is she has had unprotected sex with anyone who has had sex with any person infected. Condom use protects the health of both of you.

As for controlling your sperm; there is no way to do so. You might be able to withdraw before you ejaculate. During intercourse you emit a tiny amount of lubricant. This lubricant has enough sperm in it to impregnate a woman. You do not feel this emission so you cannot control it. This is why condoms are rated high as pregnancy prevention.

IF you do not wish to become a father at 17 or possibly become infected with some STD or the AIDS virus, use a condom when having sex.

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Okay, I'm in high school and I'm trying to figure out what I want to do with my future. Psychology has always fascinated me, so I was thinking what I could do with a degree in that field.

Now, I've had a friend who was depressed and suicidal and a niece who was abused as a toddler and now has some mental issues from it. So I really want to help and work with children and teens in those types situations by giving counseling and maybe even diagnosing disorders and things like that.

I was wondering what job would allow me to do that, what I'd have to do in college for it, if psychology's worth taking and things like that.

Any information on this subject would be greatly appreciated.



To become a psychologist you need a doctorate in psychology a PHD. To obtain a PHD requires four years of college plus a Masters in psychology then you can apply to a doctorate program. The additional schooling totals about four years and over $100,000 after college.

Some states will allow Social Workers to offer counseling with,, and this varies by state, either just BS Degree or a Master’s Degree in Social work. There are also some states that allow nurses to practice as counselors with their RN and training in psychology.

What I suggest is you take a day and go to your local college and talk to one of the Professors or teachers in the Psychology department. Find out from the horses moth so to speak if this is the profession you want to follow and exactly what you need to take in college to prepare for it.


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I'm a very sensitive person… sometimes I feel like I'm acting overly sensitive… whenever something sad happens in a book, movie,TV show, graphic novel,etc. I start to cry big crocodile tears. For example, when my mom tells me storys about abused children, and shows pictures of dead baby's body dumped in garbage cans,I cry for 2 hours. Whenever I watch those commercials about starving children and abused animals I start crying. When I watched a video with children seeing their dad's come back from the military and run to them so happy,I start crying. As I'm writing this I'm crying. It can be stuff like that, or dumb stuff like in the lion king, when Mufasa died and Simba was upset,I started crying. In the hunger games when Ru got shot I started crying. When I read in a book a kid started to die because he saved his friends from zombies I started to cry. When I hear about how slaves are treated I cry. When I heard a story about a girl and boy in India who got raped and beat up, then were slowly dying on the streets but no one would help them I cried. I recognize and depressed over things that others don't even notice, like the Yanomami tribe, when I read about them,I cried a bit. But when I told my friends, they just said that was sad. Am I too sensitive??????

There is nothing wrong with you. From what you have written it says you are a very warm and loving person. People would say you are the type of person who wears their heart on their sleeve. Someone who is as caring about others as you are would do well in a profession where you care for others. Problem is you might care too much and get hurt by it as well.

While there is nothing wrong with being a loving caring individual you must constantly be aware that there are people out there who will look to take advantage of your caring. What I mean by this is; as you get older you will find people coming to you and asking for your help. Some of these people will literally ask for the shirt off your back and give you a great sob story as to why they need it. Being overly caring you may likely give that shirt to them placing yourself in the position they told you they were in.

You need to learn to temper the feelings you have with the understanding that there is a lot of hurt in the world. That many of the things that trigger you tears are just fiction meant for entertainment. You have to understand that even though you cannot fix everyone's hurt you should keep on caring for the more you care the more people will learn to care and the world will become a better place.

This is one reason why I answer questions on this site, because I do care and I try to help to the extent I can.

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I'm 15, and I'm a sophomore. Okay, this past summer I found out I have anxiety and OCD very badly when I ended up in the ER after a softball game. Ever since, and even some before, I've had problems talking to people. Not only that, I can't stand being put in groups at school. No one is mean to me, in fact if anything, everyone is nice to me! So I'm not getting bullied, I do have lots of friends. At my school, if you play sports, you're pretty much popular. So I kinda am. But, if someone I'm not comfortable with tries to talk to me, I feel like crying. Sometimes. I don't like people knowing I'm there, and I don't ever intend on going to gatherings or party's, unless it's forced upon me. Even then, I feel like crying. I don't know what's wrong with me. I have a good body build, and often get told how beautiful I am. Not bragging, just making it clear that it's not bullying, low self-esteem or anything like that. Quite frankly, I don't know what's wrong with me. Someone please help, before I make stupid choices, like not going to prom my junior and senior year, or rejecting every guy that tries to talk to me. I just need help.

I'm not a doctor so I can't make a diagnosis of any type. Though I am a parent of child who suffered from OCD.

For one thing OCD is an overly diagnosed option for a number of ailments that effect teenagers going through puberty. In general a parent takes the child to the family doctor and the family doctor makes the diagnoses and prescribes medication. In a high percentage of the time the family doctor is right and the medication does the job.

For those teenagers who the medication does not seem to helping higher dosages of the medication generally won't help either. What needs to be done is to talk with a psychiatrist who is better capable of managing the medications for OCD who will also have you work with a psychologist to find out what is causing the anxiety.

IF the anxiety can be relieved through talk therapy with a psychologist then the OCD symptoms may go away or at least become less bothersome. Anxiety is stress part of OCD is dealing with stress,(over simplification).

My suggestion is to talk to your parents about seeing a "Board Certified Psychiatrist." If you have seen one and you are still suffering then see a different one and get a second opinion. You should also be talking to a psychologist for talk therapy.

A word about psychologists; you have to be comfortable with him or her so you can talk openly with them. Nothing you say in therapy gets back to your parents. You have total confidentiality. Your therapist becomes your new best friend. If you are not comfortable with the therapist say so and they will find someone else for you’re to see and hopefully you will be more comfortable with that therapist.

What I'm recommending to you worked for my child. I hope and believe it will work for you.

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I'm 18 I wouldn't say I'm fat but I'm very curvasious. I'm a size 10 (uk sizes) I love my curves I don't want to lose weight and make my boobs smaller but I'm curious what exercises I could do to tone up my belly and lose the flab, make my upper arms smaller, lose the back fat and get a bigger bum? I want a healthy bikini body for the summer, my main focus is losing the belly flab, how long would it take?

Without seeing you and taking certain measurements it would be wrong to offer a workout program to you. Different exercises will help different areas and different methods of exercise will have differing results.

I suggest you go to or join a gym. Pay for an evaluation by a professional fitness counselor and let him/her give you a workout routine that will help you meet your specific goals.

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I'm a 16 year old girl anf there really is never a time where I don't want to have sex with someone...is this normal? Or am I just an odd kid?

Unfortunately this is normal for all teenagers both boys and girls. It is the effect of the hormones that are developed and released into your body by puberty. To act on them and have sex with anyone at your age would be wrong.

Yes you have developed the body of a young woman, yet your body and you have not matured enough to the point you are ready for sex or sexual intercourse. For one thing you are still growing into a woman. Your breast are still developing as is your vagina. The hormones that are making you horny are sending or bringing the signals needed for the different muscles to cause the development of different parts of you to continue. Every bit of you is changing from the top of your head to the tip of your toes. This will continue for several more years.

The best way to relieve the sexual tension brought on by puberty is to masturbate, I know of no woman who ever got pregnant from masturbating. Masturbation is the safest form of sexual relief for young women and for young men as no baby can be produced as a result.

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My mom won't let me get a bikini and I'm 15 and perfectly fine with my tummy showing! I'm 15 and I can't drive how do I get one without anyone knowing?

You asked this same question the other day, yesterday I believe. What makes you think you will get different answers. The questions don't go away they stay here and new ones are added as they come in. My original answer to you is below this answer.

Do you really want a bikini that bad that you are willing to have the fight that is coming your way when mom finds out and she will find out I can guarantee it.

As someone old enough to be your grandfather I will tell you there is nothing you can think of to try and deceive your mother that she and others have not already thought of. When you think you have someone will see you who know your mom or knows someone who knows you mom and word will get back to her about how cute you looked in you bikini. Then mom will ask you if you had or have a bikini and you will lie and say no and you will be in more trouble.

So I ask you one more time;is having a Bikini worth the fight you will have with your mother over it? Don't say yes because all the other girls are wearing them. For my reply will be; just because they jump of the bridge does it mean you have to as well. Just because they say they will have them does not mean their moms are going to allow them either. Take a wait and see attitude.
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What you are asking for is for us to give you ideas on how to do something behind your moms back. NOT A GOOD IDEA. You are seeking to deceive your mom and your thinking what mom doesn't know won't hurt you or her. WRONG.

You leave the house with the mom approved swim wear and your bikini hidden away at a friends house or in your purse or beach bag. Sometime before getting to the beach you change into the bikini. Success mom has been deceived. ARE YOU SURE?

Are you sure one of her friends wasn't at the beach and saw you and called mom to say how cute you were in your Bikini. Maybe one of the boys took your picture on the beach and it ended up on Facebook. Before you get home the picture makes its way to mom.

Now you�re in for it; you probably going to be grounded or worse. The Bikini you purchased will most likely get thrown in the trash meaning you wasted your money on something you will never wear again.

To be honest with you if mom approves of two piece bathing suits I would go with one of them. There are some very nice suits that will turn boys heads just as easily as a Bikini. Boys your age do not need a lot of stimulation to turn them on so why give them any more than necessary. Sometimes less is more. In this case the less you have showing the more stimulated a boy may be for he now has to visualize what lies under the material.

Sometimes it is the mystic or the mystery that boys find attractive. Why advertise when mystery is so much more entertaining. I speak from experience form the boys side.

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My dad keeps blaming me for things around the house that he is actually doing. He yells at me for these things and I can't tell him that he's actually at fault because he'll just deny it.

Sometimes I think that he does it on purpose. For example, a couple days ago, my mom griped at him for leaving the pantry door open which let dogs get into the trash. My dad denied doing it and told he to talk to me. However, when I went to bed the previous night, the pantry door was closed. When I got up that morning, it was open and trash was everywhere. It HAD to be him and he blamed me for it.

Sometimes I think he does it on accident. Like tonight, he jumped down my throat for getting food all over his new recliner, but I can't remember ever spilling food on his recliner and he's a real pig and eats in it every night.

This may not sound like a big deal, but my dad can lose his temper and get crazy over anything. He can be down right scary and I can't wait until I can move out. Also, I resent when he tells my mom that I dis something that he knows he did.

You can't tell him that he's the one doing wrong because he won't believe you. He acts like he's perfect and everyone else is at fault for everything that goes wrong. What should I do?

I'm sorry you have to suffer this way. I know this is no consolation but I could have written this letter for your dad and mine are exactly alike. My dad never accepted blame and never apologized at least to me and my sister. If we did not apologize to him then we got the silent treatment until we did.

With someone like this there is nothing you can do about it. This is a character fault he has built around a depression he suffers from. Depression is something hard for the sufferer to realize they are suffering for . Literally they are normal and everyone else is not. They will never ask for help or accept the fact they need help until they themselves realize the y need help. My father was this way until the day he died.

The best advice I can offer is to try and stay out of the line of fire until you can go off to college or move out on your own. Even then you can expect that he will try to blame things on you or someone you may love. My father did with my wife. Well it backfired on him, I wrote him out of my life and did not speak to him for the last 12 years of his life. Hopefully this will not happen to you.

I will recommend one thing. Depression is hereditary, my sister and I both have suffered with clinical depression and have been told it is related to the fact that our father suffers from it. You need to guard against falling into the trap of becoming depressed by informing your family doctors that depression is in your family and you should be screened for it on a regular basis.

The screening is harmless just a series of questions you answer truthfully and with the first thoughts that come to mind. Based on your answers the doctor can make a diagnosis. This screening can be done during your annual physical.

If things get too bad at home talk to a trusted teacher at school. There are things they can do through the school to help.

I'm sorry I couldn't be more help but there is really nothing you can do but to stay out of the line of fire. He has to ask for help.

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I have missed my periods last periods was come on 1jan now its 9feb but I will not get my period am so worry about it

You have not given your age or any reason why you may have missed your period. If you have not had sex, a boys penis in your vagina, then you cannot be pregnant.

If you are a young teenage girl going through puberty it would not be unusual for your period to be irregular or to become irregular. This would be normal.

Since I do not know your age I cannot give you much advice other than this. Your period is a natural part of a woman's bodily function. As natural as going to the bathroom. The fact that it involves your reproductive system does not make it sexual so there is no reason for you to be embarrassed to go to you mom with any question you may have or problem.

As I said if you have not had sexual intercourse with a boy you cannot be pregnant. Yes if you go to mom and say "Mom I haven' had a period in two months;" the first thing she is going to think is your pregnant.

Instead you go to mom and say "Mom I need to ask you something so let me say at the start I am a VIRGIN and I have missed two periods in a row; can you tell me if this is normal or do I need to see a doctor."

Mom may then decide like I have that this may be normal for your age or she may ask you some questions before deciding if you need to see a doctor.

Some reasons for women missing a period. Stress is a big reason woman, all women of any age will miss a period because of stress. If you have been stressed over school work this could be the cause. Antibiotics can also cause a missed period. Have you taken any new medications recently? Drugs in general especially street drugs will cause missed periods.

A change in exercise will also cause a missed period. Look at all the female Olympians; they are all under developed for their age because of the amount of exercise they do. When they stop performing their bodies will blossom until then they either stopped having their periods or never got one. IF your exercise habits have changed this too could be the cause.

Pregnancy is not the only cause for women to miss a period. So talk with mom and then decide if you need to see a doctor. I don't know you so I can't say if you do or don't need to see a doctor. Your mom will know so talk to her there is no reason for embarrassment with this problem.

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My mom won't let me have a bikini how do I get one without her knowing and I can't drive! Please help and I'm 15

What you are asking for is for us to give you ideas on how to do something behind your moms back. NOT A GOOD IDEA. You are seeking to deceive your mom and your thinking what mom doesn't know won't hurt you or her. WRONG.

You leave the house with the mom approved swim wear and your bikini hidden away at a friends house or in your purse or beach bag. Sometime before getting to the beach you change into the bikini. Success mom has been deceived. ARE YOU SURE?

Are you sure one of her friends wasn't at the beach and saw you and called mom to say how cute you were in your Bikini. Maybe one of the boys took your picture on the beach and it ended up on Facebook. Before you get home the picture makes its way to mom.

Now you’re in for it; you probably going to be grounded or worse. The Bikini you purchased will most likely get thrown in the trash meaning you wasted your money on something you will never wear again.

To be honest with you if mom approves of two piece bathing suits I would go with one of them. There are some very nice suits that will turn boys heads just as easily as a Bikini. Boys your age do not need a lot of stimulation to turn them on so why give them any more than necessary. Sometimes less is more. In this case the less you have showing the more stimulated a boy may be for he now has to visualize what lies under the material.

Sometimes it is the mystic or the mystery that boys find attractive. Why advertise when mystery is so much more entertaining. I speak from experience form the boys side.

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My boyfriend won't touch my boobs I know he wants to but how do I get him to touch them!

Boys your age can be very timid and lacking in sexual experience. Because of this your boyfriend is not seeing the signs you may be giving telling him it is okay to touch you.

Your going to have to show him it is okay by taking his hand and placing it on your breast. IF you want him to touch your naked breast your going to have to tell him its okay or show him that too.

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I met this guy at work years ago, we would speak and have quick conversations here and there. When we first met years ago, we both felt something but never acknowledged it because we were married...we brushed it off. A year ago now, out of the blue we acknowledged that there was something there and have acted on our feelings. We are consistently in touch with each other, we see each other briefly almost everyday and also text.
We've admitted once that we love each other but have also acknowledged that we wish things could be different and that we could be together. Neither one of us wants to breakup our families but we can't seem to walk away from each other. I have tried several times and just can't seem to completely cut communication from him...now I feel like it will be an extreme void. I always say I wish that what was between us was just sex, but it's not. Sex is not even the focus of what's between us...it's really some strange need to be around each other and just to communicate with each other. I am trying hard now to not initiate communication with him as a way to start backing off but it's so hard because, yeah I do love him...I think about him all day....what can I possibly do to end this and not be completely devastated...but I know I probably will be.
Oh btw...my husband and I are really going through it, found out that he was cheating on me...yes I know karma right?! I found out and was hurt, but yes I'm still dealing with my friend and I even to,d him about it.

Normally I would tell you not to destroy your marriage and to walk away from this other guy. That advice went out the window when you revealed your husband was cheating on you.

You said, "I always say I wish that what was between us was just sex." Have you been sleeping with this man? Then you too have been cheating. Even if you have not had sex with this man you are emotionally cheating on your husband as you say, yeah I do love him."

There are two questions you need to answer before you decide what to do. One: Do you still love your husband? Two: Do you want to save your marriage? You need to ask your husband these same questions. Does he still love you and does he want to save the marriage. Based on the answers you will know what to do.

Should the answers be that where you find yourself available to this other man you should not be the cause of his marriage failing. You need to get away from him and that might require you to change jobs.

There are two ways to do this. If your company is large enough you might ask for a transfer to another location. If you go to Human Recourses and ask for a transfer tell them it is because of your recent divorce and you are looking for a fresh start in another city. This is something they have seen and heard before and if possible they will try to accommodate you.

The other way of course is to find another job in another town in the opposite direction from where this man lies. When the prospective employer asks why your are applying for their job or to them. Include the fact you are recently divorced and looking for a place to start over again. This is a plausible reason and one they would accept over something you might make up.

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Whenever I experience negative emotions, they surface in the form of anger and I feel like the only way to be able to release these feelings is to scream and punch things. Other people release their negative feelings by simply crying. I can't cry until I scream and shout first, and even then it often doesn't come out. Crying feels good to me because it's the negative feelings without the edge. So it's not as bad as feeling rage. Thankfully I don't take my anger out on people most of the time but then the tension just stores in my body making me seem like an overall cold-hearted unemotional person. How do I release my emotions in a gentle way without anger and frustration?

Anger is a natural emotion, a way of showing displeasure with someone or something as it affects you. Unmanaged anger can have catastrophic results. At the moment your way of managing your anger, or a way of releasing the emotions brought on by the anger, is to yell and scream, maybe cry. On the surface this is not all that bad though it could have an unnerving effect on those around you.

How you respond to something that may anger you really depends to a point on what has angered and to what degree it has angered you. To have a full blown tantrum over a broken every day dish would be disproportioned to the event. Whereas say a loved one did something that could have gotten them seriously harmed or killed to my mind is warranted of a full blown tantrum; and yes yelling and screaming is warranted also.

Now to your actual question. If the only way you can relieve yourself of any and all anger is to yell, scream and then cry, regardless of the offence that angered you. Then I would suggest you seek out the help of a good psychologist for help as there is more her than any of us can help with. You need anger management help/classes.

IF you want to try some other ways to rid yourself of the stress caused by the anger, exercise is a good way to do so. Running, working out, swimming, playing a sport like basketball all release endorphins that help release stress.

I have been disabled for the last 10 years because of an auto accident. It was a 3 car accident where I was the only innocent and the only person injured and taken to the hospital. Because of my injuries I had to find a different way to relieve stress.

I found letter writing to be a good way to relieve my anger issues. I never mail them but I do write them. I still get upset at the young man who caused the accident. It is too bad I cannot post the letters I have written to him over the years. I say some very nasty things in those letters to him, things I'm sure that would more than anger him. In the end I relieve my stress at his expense and he has no knowledge of how badly I have spoken of him.

I have written letters on many subjects that have caused me stress and generally the letter writing has relieved my stress. In some instances the letters actually get mailed and the cause of the stress is corrected by the other party. In this case misguided anger resolves nothing if channeled correctly anger can be useful. With these letters I write them while angry, save them on my computer, then reread them the next day before printing them and mailing or emailing them.

My advice then is this. If you have not found any other way to channel your anger and relieve your stress other than the way your have written about. Then I think anger management classes would be of benefit to you. A good psychologist will help with this and most insurance companies will pay for visits to a psychologist.

You might also try one of the other methods I suggested. Exercise will not only help relief your stress, it will also make you healthier. Anger is a natural emotion, a way of showing displeasure with someone or something as it affects you. Unmanaged anger can have catastrophic results. At the moment your way of managing your anger, or a way of releasing the emotions brought on by the anger, is to yell and scream, maybe cry. On the surface this is not all that bad though it could have an unnerving effect on those around you.

How you respond to something that may anger you really depends to a point on what has angered and to what degree it has angered you. To have a full blown tantrum over a broken every day dish would be disproportioned to the event. Whereas say a loved one did something that could have gotten them seriously harmed or killed to my mind is warranted of a full blown tantrum; and yes yelling and screaming is warranted also.

Now to your actual question. If the only way you can relieve yourself of any and all anger is to yell, scream and then cry, regardless of the offence that angered you. Then I would suggest you seek out the help of a good psychologist for help as there is more her than any of us can help with. You need anger management help/classes.

IF you want to try some other ways to rid yourself of the stress caused by the anger, exercise is a good way to do so. Running, working out, swimming, playing a sport like basketball all release endorphins that help release stress.

I have been disabled for the last 10 years because of an auto accident. It was a 3 car accident where I was the only innocent and the only person injured and taken to the hospital. Because of my injuries I had to find a different way to relieve stress.

I found letter writing to be a good way to relieve my anger issues. I never mail them but I do write them. I still get upset at the young man who caused the accident. It is too bad I cannot post the letters I have written to him over the years. I say some very nasty things in those letters to him, things I'm sure that would more than anger him. In the end I relieve my stress at his expense and he has no knowledge of how badly I have spoken of him.

I have written letters on many subjects that have caused me stress and generally the letter writing has relieved my stress. In some instances the letters actually get mailed and the cause of the stress is corrected by the other party. In this case misguided anger resolves nothing if channeled correctly anger can be useful. With these letters I write them while angry, save them on my computer, then reread them the next day before printing them and mailing or emailing them.

My advice then is this. If you have not found any other way to channel your anger and relieve your stress other than the way your have written about. Then I think anger management classes would be of benefit to you. A good psychologist will help with this and most insurance companies will pay for visits to a psychologist.

You might also try one of the other methods I suggested. Exercise will not only help relief your stress, it will also make you healthier.


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I was out to dinner with a friend from work and his 9-year-old son. I've known the man for 2 years and this was the first time I'd sat down with his son for a long period of time (by the way, I don't know what the situation is with the mother and believe it or not I haven't asked in 2 years). Anyways, the kid was a jolly little man. Precocious, very respectful, he knew how to engage with adults. After dinner, they both (his son insisted) invited me to the house for a late night drink/chit-chat. I had nothing to do the next day so I followed them over for the hell of it. After about 10 minutes, dad suggested that his son go to bed to which he replied the following: "can we do a bath first?" The WE in that sentence is what initially struck me as odd. The conversation continued something like this: Dad: "I don't think so tonight kiddo, we have company" Son: "Please? I can't ever sleep if you don't give me a bath." So now I knew the dad GAVE his 9-year-old son a bath every night. Being a self described reasonable person I thought "maybe he's a little old for that, but I guess it's not unheard of." So the dad says "I can't just leave our guest down here alone," to which the boy replied "she can come with." I was taken aback by this, and the dad looked at me and after a moment said "Would you mind?" Not really knowing what to say, I replied with "whatever makes him happy." The kid shot me a smile and the father told him to go upstairs and turn the water on and that we'd be up in one minute. He complied, and once he was out of earshot I was humorously asked "you don't mind seeing my kid naked, do you?" I replied "no," and that was an honest answer. He was an (overly?) innocent 9-year-old kid, what did I care? After all, we were all guys. However, I couldn't hold myself back. I asked "But can't he just do it himself? He's 9 after all." The dad replied "He can, but he always has preferred me to do it. I guess he just likes the company, and it's a nice time to bond and talk about the day." All seemed well to me, so I shrugged and ascended the steps. I'll add this: when I was growing up washing was a private thing at a very early age, so this was new to me. We got to the bathroom, the tub was running half full and this cherubic little being was waiting for us. I took an empty chair and watched. Father says "alright kiddo, arms up". The shirt came off, then the jeans, and finally his shorts. He picked his naked son up and put him in the tub, telling him to soak for a bit. I didn't let it show, but I was astonished. This kid had no modesty at all, I was a total stranger! It was half odd, half cute. The soap was then brought out and the washing began. He started with his hair, and eventually told him to stand up so he could wash his body. All while this was happening we were striking up normal conversation, asking him about school, his friends, teasing him about girls, whatever. His father was lathering soap on him head to toe, back and front. I noticed that he skipped the penis on the way down. Naturally, when he got to his feet I felt that was the end of it. Then, my main problematic incident occurred. He went back up and with his hands, washed his son's penis. It wasn't any different from the rest, it's just that I've always thought that was a no-touch area. But the kid didn't even blink! In fact, he was mid sentence when it happened and he didn't bat an eye! It lasted maybe 5 seconds, so it wasn't excessive. However, it really caught me by surprise. To conclude things, he picked up and dunked his son under the water (to the colossal amusement of the child I might add), took him out and dried him off. We brought him to his room and got his pajamas on. His dad kissed him good night, they said "I love you" to each other and we went downstairs, talked for about an hour longer before I went home. This overall was a strange, new experience for me. I don't think I've ever seen a father and son get along that well first of all, and of course the whole bath time at age 9 was strange to me while seemingly all in good fun. But the only part of it that really bothers me is the dad touching his son's penis. I mean, is he molesting his son when he does that even if the son doesn't care and it only lasts a couple seconds? Would any of you consider that to be sexual abuse?

This is not child abuse. Neither is it normal for a nine year old to be bathed by his father. The lack of modest is not really a bad thing though given what is going on in the world to day the child needs to be made aware. That being said there is information missing that could cause me to say differently about what is normal or may be necessary.

Obviously the mother is not in the picture. Why not and how long ago she left the picture is missing. How much of a trauma was suffered by the boy because of the missing mother? Needs to be answered. Yes the child was well mannered that does not leave out other disabilities that might effect him. It could be the reason the mother is not in the picture.

All of these questions need answers before you decide what is normal as apposed to required. If you are a close enough friend to this person you might try to find out the answers to these questions before you decide if family services need be contacted.

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Hello :)
I am the girl that posted just recently about how ive fallen for this guy so quickly in a short period of time and the reason why i decided to write you is because ive seen you give great advice and i couldnt think of anyone else that i could come to that would help me like you would. To be frank, he really isnt a control freak.. he used to give me my space and he wasnt mean although he was pretty rude and arrogant sometimes, thats something i wont deny. However, when we sat down to talk about our situation, he kept trying to think of options of what we can do to solve our problem and he was like "Okay look, just try to work on it, try to work on accepting the fact that you love me more" and i told him that i couldnt, and then he said he'd think about what he could do and i told him there was nothing to think about and that i wont live in denial anymore. The thing is, ive seen him online lately till the morning, he doesnt get off and is constantly trying to strike up a conversation with my sister about anything just so he can keep in touch. I saw him online yesterday for a while (which is NOT something he usually does, especially that we never talk online and hes not such an internet type of person) we always talk on the phone or see each other. Then he writes me going Hi how are you, and i said i was fine and he said he was too and then the conversation ended. We ended it about three days ago and im not sure if thats him missing me or regretting it or just wanting to be friends but i highly doubt he wants my friendship because it hasnt even been a week yet. What do you think is going on with him? Im asking you this not because i feel you'd know, but because your a man as well and you know or at least have an idea on what they think/feel.
Thank you for your time :)

Not knowing him it is hard to put my finger on the why. What I see is a failure to want to commit on his part. I'm not sure of the why yet he seems to what to at the very least keep tabs on you. If he is keeping tabs on you that could be worrisome as it is a sign that he is a controlling type person and is now stalking you.

I don't understand trying to negotiate a love affair. Does love have to be equal to begin with? Maybe not but at some point it should equal out if the relationship is to grow and prosper. This seems a little immature on his part and again the answer I would expect from someone trying to find a way to control the situation to their advantage.

Can you two be just friends? One I don't think this is what you want. Two I don't feel he will accept being just friends either he wants what comes from a relationship with a woman. The full bounty or nothing at all on his terms. He is fighting for this for reason I can't explain other than he must have a great deal of lust for you.

If this is the case than I may have made an assumption that was incorrect with my original answer. I assumed you are an adult woman in her early twenties. Men who confuse lust and love are generally in their puberty teenage years 13 to 20. Teenage boy believe love to be synonymous with lust and lust being the definition. Whereas girls know the difference and know love to be defined as one would find it in the dictionary.

Now just in case you are both adults and he is still defining love as he did as a teenager then he is very immature and you can do better. This means I stand by my original suggestion to move on.

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