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Boyfriends Valentine's Day gift made me throw mine out.., now what do I do? I am in tears over this. :'(
So my boyfriend(now fiancé ) brought me for a perfect date tonight and asked me to marry him..
Why is this chick complaining?
I litterly came home and threw out my pathetic valentines gift for him. A giant rice crispie treat in the shape of a Hershey's kiss.
I have actually spent the whole night crying.
What do I do? I know it seems so insignificant but I'm actually devistated.
He litterly spent over $3000 on everything and I am the pathetic girlfriend who did a DIY from Pinterest.
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Gift Giving?
First things first. Congratulations.
Now have you ever heard the expression it is not the size of the gift or the cost of the gift that counts it is the thought behind the gift that counts. Does your boyfriend like rice crispy treats? I fairly certain he does or you would not have taken the time to make it if he didn't. You would have made something else.
To me, and I'm a guy, there is nothing that says love like a homemade gift. Something my wife puts her time and effort in to show me her love. My Birthday is in the hottest month of summer. My mother made a habit of making my favorite dinner on my birthday. This meal takes a lot of preparation and really heats up not only the kitchen but the whole house as it has all the burners on the stove and the oven working making it tuff for the A/C to overcome. Yet since we have married which will be 43 years next July she has made this meal for me every year. To me that says love more than any gift she went to the store to purchase.
Yes your boyfriend spent a lot of money on his gift. He also asked you to marry him. Diamonds are not inexpensive to start with. Then he took you out to, I'm sure was, a nice restaurant to propose to you in the most romantic manner he knew how. So yes he spent a great deal of money this time on a valentine’s gift, it was a very special occasion.
Do not start out your new life with him trying to match dollar for dollar in gift spending. That's not the way it works. The gift should show your love and the thought of the occasion.
Now stop crying and go in the kitchen and start preparing him a nice dinner for tomorrow night with, if you’re old enough to purchase, a nice bottle of wine. Bake a cake to go with the dinner and enjoy a nice evening at home as an engaged couple. Then when you have the money and have had the time to put the proper amount of thought in to what to buy him as an engagement gift you go purchase it.
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The "Keeping up with the Jone's" mentality is not a good idea for practicing in a love relationship with one's sweetheart. This gets your mind thinking in negative ways that can hurt your relationship by stressing you out for nothing. Pitting yourself against him to keep at least even with him, on every thing he does, keeping a tally or a count or trying to do one better than him, is only being striven for by you for your own peace of mind. I understand youwanting to impress. but You have already impressed him dear...thats why he has asked you to marry him.
Couples should never have to compete with each other. If this man who is your fiancee, is going to be upset, disappointed or angry that you don't have something equally expensive to give him, then he is not the right guy for you. He is more interested in the gift and his actions and the whole 'show off' part than in loving you.
One of the great things about being a couple, is that when one is sad, the other is usually cheery and can help brighten the others day, when one is sick or hurting, the other is healthy and strong and can nurse the other back to health and help pick up the slack, etc. A good attitude for marriage is the act of Give and Take. When one is giving, the other is taking. On another day, the roles are reversed. You give without expecting exact immediate payment or gift in return. Giving with expectation of an equal or greater gift in reciprocation, is not giving out of real love. It is best to give and not expect any repayment in return...that is true love, otherwise it is being done with the expectancy of getting something out of it. We give money to the poor not because we expect them to pay us back, not because we want to feel like we earned our brownie points and can be proud of our selves, but because we love with no expectation in return.
Honey, I know how you feel. We all fall into the trap of making comparisons. Heck when I first heard from my 2nd husband online, I thought that intelligence wise, I was totally out of his league, that he would be bored with me because his speech and what he knew sounded like that of a person with many degree's and i only graduated highschool. Hahaha. Well, he is very impressed with my intelligence. Here's where the wonderful give and take or where ones weak ones strong comes in. The things I cant' understand or have no knowledge of, he does. But I've come to see that he relies on my intelligence in areas he actually has great difficulty with and so with our own differences, we come together to depend on each other to make up for where the other is lacking. It is a wonderful experience.
Your gift was not pathetic dear. All it had was a difference on dollar value on supplies spent. But there is no dollar value that can be put on love. He surprised you and caught you off guard unable to have as great a gift ready for him. But thats what a Surprise is about. If you knew ahead of time and could prepare for something grander in a gift, then it would not have been a surprise would it. I'll bet it gave him great joy to surprise you like this. If you worry about what you have for him, and make a big deal of it crying to him, then it will spoil his surprise. You will have plenty of chances in the years ahead to find a way to surprise him and lavish him with something special. Guys know they earn more than females, and unless they married a woman for her money are not expecting expensive gifts from their woman. There's a saying, "it's the thought that counts". Most men in general are not as much into the little touches that make a house a home, or into presentation of a meal or planning or remembering special events, and look to their lady for the creative touch and the flair for special touches.
I'll bet that one of the things he adores about you is your creative side. He may really enjoy but not have the patience or skill or even the desire to do so himself.
If you can rescue that homemade treat, do so now. If your hersheys kiss shaped rice krispie treat is no longer retrievable, what you do: I know it won't sound like much but the gift you can give him that he will treasure greatly is sharing with him what you emotionally went through. This is part of building emotional intimacy with a person, trusting them to be able to share anything and not be thought any less for it. In fact, I believe he may be very impressed.
Give him a Valentines card with a separate handwritten letter inside it. Put it in your own words but if I were you right now, here what I would write to my fiancee.
My dear, I am so overjoyed that you proposed to me. But I must confess that you really caught me by surprise, I had no idea that you were planning this. I know, if I knew, it wouldn't have been a surprise, however it put me into an emotional dilemna. All I could think of was the amount of money you spent on this wonderful Valentines gift for me and the thought that went into it. In comparison, I knew that the gift I had for you would never come close to being equal in value money wise, but maybe only in the thought behind it. I put my heart and soul into picking out a crafty idea for a gift that I could make with my own hands instead of buying a ready made treat at the store. Because of how much I love you, I would rather invest the time into making something because I felt that the personal touch would be more impressive. I came home and cried, all night in fact, and I threw out the treat I made for you because it seemed to pale in comparison to what you gave me. (if you were able to retrieve it, say so here)
I felt devastated, thinking I had to compete with you. I cried because I feared you might be greatly disappointed with my gift. But then I realized, you are marrying me, because you love me, not the gifts I can give you. My creative streak is just an extra benefit that comes with the package of Me. It's not fancy, it's not expensive, but it comes from my heart. Store bought was too impersonal for you because you are so special to me, and thats why I put my time and effort into planning the hershey shaped rice kripie treat. So I guess that right now I need reassurance that you are happy with my gift attempt, whether you get to eat it or not. Hahaha. I need to hear from you and know that my gift is not insignificant to you."
If this guy is worth his salt, he'll give you all the reassurance you need and may even save this card and letter to treasure for your entire marriage, or at least savor the memory of it.
Be an open book with him, you are both going to need to be like this for a good marriage...and share this with him.
My husband is a wonderful guy. Shortly after we got together and started dating, I confessed to him that I had felt I was no match for him intellectually when he first wrote me. He was actually surprised and my confession meant so much to him, it was like a gift in itself. He still compliments me every day on my skills, always building me up, because he realized in my confession that the comparison I made of myself to him, showed him that I needed to hear from him confirmations of what he appreciates in me. YOu will find in time that a gift of thanks and acknowledgement for what you do for him is something far more precious than money spent, there is no amount that can be put on that.
Good luck dear. I'd love to hear back how it goes.
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