Alright so here is my problem. My mom is taking me for a Pap smear and said its also to see if I'm sexually active. My parents know I had sex two years ago but they don't know that the last time I did was a little over a month ago. Will my doctor be able to tell I did a month ago besides the obvious things like remains is semen and std or pregnacy. I would greatly appreciate it if someone would take the time to answer this. Btw I'm 16 f in Texas

To answer your question: Unless you had unprotected sex within the last 72 hours the doctor cannot tell if you have had sex recently. Only that your Hymen is missing. In which case the doctor would ask if your sexually active. With the medical confidentiality I am about to impart to you, you may can answer yes with the knowledge that the doctor and staff cannot inform your parents of any of this information.

While I agree with your mom that having a pap smear is a good idea. There are some legal issues you and she are not aware of.

Several years ago Congress passed a law called HIPPA. HIPPA stands for Health Information Personal Protection Privacy act. Within this law is a clause specifically placed by congress to protect young people and their reproductive health.

Since you were 14 years of age under HIPPA your parents had no right to information concerning your reproductive health. You have medical confidentiality concerning everything to do with your reproductive health. Meaning if you don't want a PAP smear she cannot force you to have one. You and your GYN should decide if a Pap smear is needed and how often you need one, not your mother. The results of the Pap smear can only be released to you. Your mother cannot be in the exam room with you unless you invite her she must stay in the waiting room.

All you need to do is say to the doctor: "I invoke my confidentiality rights under HIPPA." The doctor or nurse will understand & ask your mom to remain in the waiting room. This was done so you can have an open,frank and truthful conversation with your doctor. Your doctor can only treat you properly if the doctor knows the truth about your condition. This can only be done if feel you have medical confidentiality and is why Congress included this in the HIPPA law.

IF you want birth control pills the doctor must write a prescription for whatever you and the doctor agree to unless their is a medical reason not to. The pharmacy then must fill the prescription with the same confidentiality. You even have the right to chose your own doctor and make your own appointments. This is the law of the land and cannot be revoked by any state of county law.

The only reason for the 72 hour window is that semen may be present in your vagina for 72hrs after unprotected sex.

I hope this answers your question. Regardless of moms reason for taking you to the doctor. I do suggest, even with this new found knowledge, that you go ahead with the Pap test. Invoke your HIPPA rights and have an open and frank conversation with your doctor. It is important that you take responsibility for your reproductive health if you ever plan on having children. By the way you boyfriend has the same rights under HIPPA for his reproductive health.


First of all, thank you from whom is reading this. I'm in my sophomore year at a community college. The only thing i'm good at is being naturally pretty, athletic, artistic and a great writer. But what good does that get me?! Nothing. There's no writing jobs unless I write a famous book like Harry Potter, or paint something like Picasso. Otherwise i'll make no-money the rest of my life. I failed my trig math course last semester. In high school I didn't take trig or pass geometry. I now found out when I get to college to get any degree I want, you need to know calculus. How can I manage to take calc or even precalc, when I can't even pass a simple algebra and trig course?! In high school I got a 850 on my sats. I'm so naturally stupid. I just feel like i'm wasting my moms money going to college. I'm not smart enough, i'm that part of the population that shouldn't live because i'm not smart enough to benefit society. I just feel like a waste of human flesh, yeah im pretty but pretty doesn't pay the bils. My boyfriends going to be a doctor and I don't want to depend on him. I just feel like shit and I hate talking about school with him because he and I both know hes smarter and I just hate feeling so insignificant all the damn time. In two years i'm suppose to somehow find a job? This is crazy i'm going to end up becoming a manager of some retail store like Kohls or something because I wasn't smart enough to do anything with my life. I just wish I could find a great career without math because it literally ruins my life. It's not like memorization of words, that's easy. Math is never the same damn problem and its ridiculous. I hate it, and I hate myself. It makes me so suicidal but I don't think I'd have the courage to do it.

You sound like my son at your age. He had trouble with math as well. It wasn't that he was stupid, which is one of a select few words I really dislike. No one is stupid they just have trouble learning in the manner things are taught.

My son went into the Army. In Basic training he found out he wasn't stupid that he actually could learn some really tough stuff. His Commanding Officer told me at Graduation from Basic Training that he missed being the honor graduate because of low PT scores. His academic scores were the highest in his platoon. I was shocked and actually asked if we were talking about my son who all through school just got by with minimum grades. He was talking about my son.

You see in the military no one fails, they can't fail or they can die in a war zone. The military has learned how to teach people in different manners. Once they found out what was the best way for my son to learn something they taught him how to do so.

He was the Honor graduate from his advanced training school and he was the Honor graduate from every class he has taken since including being on the Deans list all through college. He is now a firefighter/Paramedic, heavy math requirements for the course to be a paramedic. He is very good at his job as both a firefighter and a paramedic. There are many people from children to adults who are alive today because my son answered their call for medical assistance.

So I will not accept the fact that you think you are stupid. You do not need to join the military. You just need to find away to learn differently then how you are being taught. I suggest you contact some of these learning centers. They are very good at finding the best method of teaching you what you need to learn. Once you find out how to learn, learning becomes easier and fun.

Just a side note. There are jobs for writers writing things such as technical manuals and other things. You do not have to be a writer of books to use your writing talents. Who do you think writes the copy for advertisements, commercials, copy for news readers. Writers do that's who. IF you want to write I suggest you look into courses such as Journalism where math is not a big requirement of the course.


Guys will make fun of my large breast size and my height. Nobody likes to talk to me and girls laugh at my weight causing low self esteem and starvation. EVERYONE laughs at me for being black and having white friends. What do I do? I'm very shy and have a fear of standing up and talking for myself because of years of abuse. I try to laugh it off but at the end if the day it's so painful! I'm so sorry and I don't mean to complain. What can I do to get them to stop without everyone laughing at me. Thank you.

What is happening to you is a form of harassment, bullying and if they are teasing you over the size of your breast, sexual harassment. You can also include racial harassment because of the problems with you having white friends. In this day and age that is intolerable.

Your school should have a policy of zero tolerance on this. What you need to do is talk to one of your teachers, school principal and your parents. The school system have policies to stop this practice by students. It is up to the principal to enforce those policies.

Tell your parents and let them talk to the principal. Also tell a trusted teacher. Doing both will insure the school does what it is suppose to to protect you and your right to an education in safety and without harassment or bullying.


I just got out of a serious breakup with a woman I was engaged too...

Afterwards being heartbroken and having a knack for picking up women, I had many sexual partners during the course of a year.

Only to find out, while I am finishing a very intense Masters program, that 1 of the bar hook ups whom I barely know, just gave birth to my child. She wants me around, but I am not sure if the kid would benefit to see dysfunctional parents that have only had a sexual relationship.

I told my parents, my Dad said, "Don't even answer her calls," my Mom said, "I am excited to be a grandma, but are you gonna be around??," I just don't know whats best for us all here.. The Mom already asked me to babysit the kid so she can go on a date, what the fuck is that! I dont wanna be used like that. Now Im stressed, my grades are slipping and so is my lust for life, I used to be a happy go lucky guy with the world at his finger tips, Now I am trying to man up and get through every without feeling like a piece of shit because im not able to be around, because of my intense masters program.

What the fuck is a guy supposed to do??

Insist on a paternity test before you do anything or agree on anything as far as parenting this child. You didn't give any information on how long you were with this women, if it was a 1 night stand or a short something or even if you had any type of exclusive relationship with her. For this reason it is important that you get a paternity test.

Not wanting to cast aspersions about this women though if she was sleeping around she may not know exactly who the father is. She may be going on who she thinks the baby looks most like. This is why you must insist on a paternity test.

If the paternity test proves you to be the father, you must see the test results. Then get a lawyer. You will have legal responsibilities to this child until its 18th birthday. You should have those responsibilities put in writing, legally and presented to the court for approval.

In this document you would include, besides the legal requirements for support, any parenting responsibilities you want such as visitation, joint custody or you can give up your parental rights. Doing so might relieve you of you responsibility to support this child. This is why you need to talk to a Family Law Attorney; some one knowledgeable in the family laws in your state.


I am 22 and my boyfriend is 26. We have been together for 8 months. He had a lot of experiences before going out with me while I never dated anyone before. We had sex. The first few times were really terrible and I felt like I was pushed into it. I did not enjoyed it at all. I always feel guilty afterward. It is not a religious reason, but I come from a strictly conservative culture and family, therefore I have always taught it is not a good idea to do it before marriage. Yet I did it anyway. I struggled a lot, and I don't think my boyfriend understand what I am going through. For him, it was probably just a normal, inevitable step in relationship. While I am scared and confused, I have to say I start enjoying it. Nonetheless, the feeling of guilt does not disappear. I think it starts to negatively affect our relationship. I don't understand. What should I do?

It is very hard to break with our upbringing especially when you come from a very strict conservative background. I'm sure you are aware that at your age you are entitled to guide your own life as you see fit. This includes having a sex life if you desire to have one.

One reason I can give you for why we as parents can be as strict or conservative as your parents were. Is the fact that until you are of legal age we are ultimately responsible for you until you reach legal age. Morally we are always to some degree responsible for our children after our legal responsibilities pass. By being strict or ultra conservative insures that you remain safe and chaste while we are legally responsible for you.

I'm not skilled enough or educated in the psychology of why you are feeling as you are. As I said you really have no reason to feel this way as an adult responsible for yourself. What your parents may say or feel should they find out, which is no business of theirs, is their problem, not yours.

What you felt with your first sexual experiences and how you are feeling now about sex? Is perfectly normal and something most all women feel. First sex for most all women hurts and is usually a complete disaster. After a few times it gets better and women come to enjoy a good sex life. So in this respect you are perfectly normal.

What I do suggest if you sill feel confused is you find a good therapist to talk with. Find someone you are truly comfortable with. This may take seeing a few different ones before finding one that is right for you. This is normal. You want to find someone you are comfortable telling your deepest and darkest secrets to knowing they stay in the therapists office between the two of you.

Children coming from strict or very conservative homes find the world outside their childhood home very different then what they were taught to expect. This can be confusing and a good therapist can help you sort this out.

You were a good daughter by following your parents directives or wishes. Now as an adult you have the right to chart your own path or strikeout on your own using what you learned as a child as a guide. As long as you stay within the communities standards for legality and morality you are free to do as you please. You are now legally and morally responsible for yourself. If you want a sex life you can have one. You do not have to wait for marriage and should not be ashamed for having a life or a sex life.


hi in 13f cuttter wore bracelts last year covered in cuts start gym in december must wear tee shirt marroon shorts makeup tricks help me please they made fun of me last year when they showed

To answer your question; one way to hide the scars would be to go to a sports store and buy wrist support cuffs. They go on like a glove and cover your wrists to give them added support. Many gymnasts use then.

The bigger problem is your cutting. Cutting is dangerous and is a sign of a deeper problem. Generally this is a sign you are under a lot of stress. Stress is the major cause of depression. Being 13 you should be in the full swing of puberty. Puberty brings on its on level of stress along with all the other stressors of becoming a teenager.

When I was your age, I'm now old enough to be your grandfather, our parents called this "being a phase we would grow out of." Most of us did. Today doctors know better and they can help you with the stress that is causing what is possibly what is now called "teenage depression." Which may be at the root of your cutting.

While I would like you to talk to your parents about your cutting and ask for help I can understand why you may be reluctant to do so. There are alternatives. You can speak with a trusted teacher, the health room nurse or your school principal.

In the mean time try this instead of cutting. Most people cut to feel something. Find a big fat rubber band and let it hang loosely around your wrist. When you feel the need to cut snap the rubber band against your wrist instead. Doing so should give you the same feeling that cutting does with these benefits. First it is much safer. Second you don't have to run off and hide while doing so. You can even do it in class.

What I have suggested is a common practice doctors suggest as an alternative while they treat you for whatever is causing you to cut. I urge you to: 1) Try my suggestion. 2) Speak with your parents or a trusted adult about your cutting. Whatever is causing you to cut can be made right. 3) IF you need someone to talk to in private I am here and you can do so in a private message. I will do my best to offer you the best advice I can.


If a boy comes on your clitoris is there a chance of you being pregnant?

The previous columnist is correct. Anytime semen comes anywhere close to your vagina opening they are capable of swimming in and making their way to an egg if one is there to be fertilized. This is what semen do. While the chances of semen swimming in from outside the vagina are remote it has happened.

Semen is also in a mans precum, the liquid which is meant as a lubricant that is emitted during intercourse prior to ejaculation. It is also emitted while giving a guy a hand job so if you do give one and some gets on your hand keep that hand away from your vagina.

A note for the record here. Precum is not something a male can control or is something they feel being emitted during sex. This is why the pull out method of birth control has almost a 100% failure rate in preventing pregnancy.

When ever having any type of sex with a guy where his penis will be in or near your vagina make sure he is wearing a condom. He won't like it all that much but condoms, when worn correctly, during intercourse are 85% effective in preventing pregnancy. Even if you are on birth control pill make the guy wear a condom. This extra ounce of protection keeps the stork away.


i used to masterbate by thinking about my class teacher. Is it a wrong thng

No it is not wrong. everyone fantasize while masturbating. The object of their fantasy can be a friend, an neighbor, a friends mom or dad or a movie star.

Their is nothing wrong with masturbation or fantasies while doing so.


i am a 21 year old boy . during my college days my classmate who is daily drinker is used to visit my room and making some quarrels.
i am actually shy type. one day he over drink and force me to see sex movies. he force me to pull down in the cot. and he tied me up with him . he kissed me. this happens daily.
i feel very shame. i always think that i did and doing wrong thing. i dont want to be live. but my family is poor. i have to serve and work for my family. what to do?

You are being sexually assaulted by the person. Report him to the campus police.


ok so im seeing (NOT bf/gf) this guy he is 19. and very much catholic.
When e first started going on dates he made it clear he wasnt interested in dating me, as he has a mental disorder ( really bad depression) and that he wasnt going to have sex with me because he was waiting till marriage. (although we have both already lost are virginity to other people). so its a few months down the track and he told me he likes me more than what he wants to. He came over to my aparment we started makeout and all of a sudden he was on top of me asking if it was okay to have sex with me. Not only did he not have a condom he had been telling me he didnt want that for ages. so i told him not to get caught up in the moment and think about it, be he persisted and we went ahead with it. ( don't worry im not getting pregnate i got the morning after pill). but im left thinking this guy tells me he likes me , sleeps with me but doesnt want to date me?? he is coming on camp with me soon to and he isnt seeing anyone else. maybe he just doesnt want to date me? suggestions, im falling for this guy :(.

I don't understand his logic either. What I do understand is depression. You say he suffers from "bad depression." Does he suffer from manic depression or by its other name bipolar disorder.

Depression in general really messes with your deductive and cognitive reasoning. One of the things doctors advice people suffering with severe forms of depression is not to sign contracts without a member of their family or a lawyer reviewing the contract first and advising them. This is because of how their disorder can effect them. When they are on the high side of depression they are almost giddy. When they are on the low side they are almost inconsolable. He may be aware of this and is why he is holding back on you.

If your falling for this guy you need to find out more about his illness and how he is being treated, if he is being treated. This is another part of the problem with manic or bipolar disorder. When the person effected by this is on the high side of the disorder they feel fine and become non-compliant. Then when they flip to the low side, which will happen, they refuse to go to the doctor again.

I'm sure this guy is a really nice person or you would not be falling for him. Before you let yourself really fall all the way you need to find out more about him, his illness and how he is being treated for it and if he is remaining compliant with his medications and therapy. He may have to remain medicated for sometime or even for the rest of his life. These are all factors you need to learn about before you go much further with him.

Short answer to your question: I think he is aware of his illness and is hesitant to get involved with anyone, not just you. If you are falling for him you can be a big help to him in his recovery. I will caution you depending on what form of depression he suffers from you could be in for some rough times.


I need some advice from anyone who will respond no smart remarks or judgement please... Me an my wife have been together since we were 16, we're both 20 an we married at 18. I'm in the military an she has always been supportive of my decisions an actions but the other week we had a falling out which has been happening a lot lately. She wants a divorce cause she says she can't do it anymore an that she is no longer in love with me... We have never broken up an she has never left me but I'm not gonna lie I haven't been the best husband an I have a short temper which has always been the cause for all of our arguments. I AM THE CAUSE IF THIS I REALIZE THAT NOW AFTER ALL THIS TIME I'VE BEEN SO NIEVE TO THE SITUATION AN OUR MARRAIGE! She is my life an I love her more than she could possibly imagine I wanna make this work! I told her I'm gonna get help (anger management) an also marraige counseling I wanna do anything that will show her that I can change an be the man that she fell in love with.

Being a military wife can be hard on any wife. Being very young and a military wife is very hard especially married to an enlisted military man. Low pay and constant deployments are very stressful on both of you.

If this sounds at all like what you argue over and some of the stress in your life. Then the military, whichever branch you are in, is ready to help you. Ask for a meeting with your First Sergeant to discuss your problems and ask for help.

I believe part of the problem may be, for you, PTSD if you have been deployed to any of the conflict zones. This and your ages are working against your marriage. The military has programs to help, especially with anger management. The fact that you are seeking help voluntary works in your favor. Had your wife gone to your commanding officer it would be different I think, may be not in today's military.

The fact is the help is there. It is free and your entitled to it. The core of your problems center, whether you believe it or not, is your military service and your young ages. As I said there is help and you should avail yourself of it.

Thank you for your service.


i would like to know the definition of a floor refiner..i am from new york city

Basically it means floor re-finisher. Someone who refinishes mostly hardwood floors.

That fact that you are from New York City tells me your floors have been damaged by the storm that hit New York. Thankfully you are okay.

Any licensed contractor can put down a new floor for you. When it comes to a hardwood floors it takes a trained person using special equipment to fix or refinish damaged floors.

Given the fact that your floor is water damaged you need to make sure this contractor is on this list of approved contractors who can asses,repair and refinish you floor if we are talking about a hardwood floor.

If we are talking about any other type of floor it may be necessary to replace the flooring all the way to the sub-floor to insure that no mildew occurs. This may be needed even in a hardwood floor and refinishing alone may not fix your floor. You may need to replace it.

This is why it is so important to find the right contractor. After disasters like this even us New Yorkers, I spent the first 25 years of my life in New York, can be taken advantage of. So be diligent in who you contract with.


My mother has had strokes and is in skilled nursing. She has early dementia and has very little memory left. Most times, she doesn't know where she's at or who you are. I haven't been to visit her lately and really don't want to because she doesn't know who I am, doesn't carry on any kind of intelligible conversation and ends up agitated and I am agitated in the process. I have deep seated resentments towards her from some childhood abuse she allowed to happen by my adopted father and further from the way she has favored one of my other brothers all his life, pandering and catering to himm, supporting his alcoholism and lazy work habits and lying for him to keep him out of trouble. He is a loser and she enabled him to destroy everything and steal her money so now she is broke. She has thrown me under the bus for many years in favor of this brother and I have another brother who made it his business to not tell me my mother had even had a stroke and I didn't find out about it for over 5 months. The whole entire family was in on the ruse, including my own two children. There was absolutely NO reason for it other than the weird brother didn't want me to know so that he could steal even more of her money, have her sign bogus documents, etc. It sounds incredulous, but this honestly happened. I was extremely hurt by all this deception and disloyal behavior, especially with my mother scheming and having my kids lie to me to protect that son of hers....it was a nightmare and really still is. Anyway, my issue is that I really don't want to visit, but am feeling some guilty because I don't want my kids to abandon me should I ever be in a position like that...hopefully not. I am hurt, angry and resentful. I pray for the fortitude to forgive her, my pedophile father and brothers all, but I am not there yet. What should I do? It's Thanksgiving next week and I am wondering if I should go get her and bring her to my house. She is totally dependent on someone else to help her do anything, walk, etc. I just really am not in the mood.

You have multiple issues here each of which needs to be addressed separately.

Lets first address the problem of your "pedophile father and brothers all." This is a very serious issue. One I am not really qualified to discuss or help with you other that to offer advise on who can help and the fact that this needs to be resolved as it has festered all these years.

There is an organization called RAINN. RAINN stands for Rape, Abuse Incest, National Network. They operate a hotline which is available 24/7 365 days a year. The people that answer the phone are qualified to help you and connect you with people in your neighborhood who can help you come to terms with this and properly resolve this in the best manner for you. The number for the hotline is 1-800-656-HOPE. Please call them as I believe this issue has to be addressed and resolved before you can resolve the other issues you have.

The other issue I can address with you is whether to bring mom to your home for Thanksgiving. I do not suggest you do so for several reasons.

First: You are doing so out of guilt which is never a good reason to do anything. At this time to do this will only cause you further resentment and considering the state of your mothers dementia she will not know what you have done for her anyway.

Second: Is the state of moms dementia. I would even doubt the nursing home would approve you taking her out for the day. Given the state of your mothers dementia it is very unsettling for the dementia patient to be taken out of their surroundings to a place they are unfamiliar with. Even if mom has been to your home before the dementia took hold it is no longer familiar to her. she will become agitated and scared. This even in the most loving of family relationships is not something you or anyone is trained to cope with and can be harmful to her. No, the best place for your mother this holiday and others is in the familiar surroundings of the nursing home.

Everything else you have written about goes back to the childhood abuse,your "pedophile father and brothers all" and the ill feeling you hold for the favoritism you observed by your mother to your siblings. You need to address these wounds head on and resolve them before you can move forward. RAINN can help you here more than I or anyone else on this site can. Please call them.

Hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving.


well i have anger problems and my grandmother just gets on my nerves all the time and i yell at her. when my mom tells me to do something, and im doing it then here shes, do what your mom fucking told u to do your so lazy!. so i go and get an attitude and yell at her. what should i do though?

I'm not sure what you are trying to say here. If you are doing what has been asked of you. Why would your grandmother call you lazy and yell at you to do what has been asked of you?

You have not given your age so I will assume you are a fairly young teenager. Part of the problem her is puberty and all the changes that happen at this age. The short temper and and attitudes you get are all apart of it. The fact that you are aware of it is good. This is something you will or should grow out of. You need to stay aware of this problem and if it still controls you when you are older you then may need to seek professional help.

For now though all the new hormones your body is trying to adjust to plays a major part in what is happening. When you feel yourself starting to loose control, to cop and attitude and yell at anyone including your grandma; What you need to do is step away from the situation and cool off. Even if that means listening to grandma scream at you when you leave the room or go outside to calm down and cool off.

Of course when you do this your mom is probably going to want to know why you ran off from your grandmother. Depending on how mom approaches you on this you need to stay calm and explain. You say; " mom I have been seeing myself getting an attitude and yelling at grandma a lot." "I don't like this and I don't like me when I do this." You can go on to explain to her that you asked for advice on this website and someone who is old enough to be your grandfather suggested that when you feel yourself loosing control that you simply leave the room or go outside and calm down rather than yell at grandma.

I believe mom will understand. I believe we have all gone through this period in our teenage lives. I know I have and I wish someone would have suggested to me what I am suggesting to you. It would have made my life easier.

Should what I am suggesting help then professional help for anger management should not be necessary.


Hey guys. 19/f
Okay so the title is self explanatory. Tonight we were all out for one of my girl friends birthdays.
I have recently started college in September and made a bunch of new friends. One such friend is *Kevin who is gay and who I have become very close with.
Anyway we were all messing about and having a good time getting a bit tipsy etc. Then one of the girls and Kevin kissed joking around. We all said we would kiss him then just for fun because we know he is gay. I joined in not thinking anything of it at the time. The thing is I have a boyfriend!.. I know. I feel like an absolute skank. It was our three year anniversary last weekend and everything. I feel so horrible. All of my friends were trying to reassure me that because he is gay and because we are such good friends it doesn't mean anything and it's not a big deal. It would be like if I kissed one of them..etc. But for me it is a big deal. I've never kissed anyone else in the whole time i've been with my boyfriend. I feel like i've let myself down and him down. What do I do? Do I tell him about this? My friends say I shouldn't because Im causing him unnecessary hurt. I don't want to make excuses for myself or anything but I was having such a good time I completely lost my mind. That's NEVER happened to me. No matter how many guys have hit on me I've never entertained it. Am I over thinking this? Am I being too hard on myself? What would you do? Should I tell him or leave it be? I know he'd be very weird about it. Please help.

Whether you tell your boyfriend or not is up to you. As far as kissing Kevin on his birthday? That's no big deal and I do not consider that cheating. Gay or not everyone deserves some affection on their birthday. A birthday kiss is just that. A show of affection for a friend on their birthday. It is not the same type of affection you have for your boy friend it is more like the type of affection one would have for a member of their family. Would you be this upset if you gave your brother a birthday kiss of course not.

The type of kiss you gave Kevin may not have been the type of kiss you would have given your brother. Still it was a kiss you would not have given him had it not been his birthday. Your boyfriend should understand this. If he doesn't explain to him you would not be upset if under the same circumstances, his birthday, another girl kissed him. This is not cheating this is just showing someone your affection for him as a friend on their birthday.

I'm 66 rears old and I have a few female, married friends, that my wife and I are close with them and their husbands. Their are several times a year birthdays, anniversaries and certain holidays when hugging and kissing are appropriate. Neither or none of us feel that we have cheated or are lustful of the others. It is just away of showing are affection for one another in a socially appropriate way at appropriate times of the year.

So stop feeling bad you have done nothing wrong. Have you not seen your parents hug and kiss their close friend? If so, if it is okay for them why is it wrong for you?


I'm 11 years old and have a boyfriend and I ALWAYS invite him over and go on dates with him. 1 year ago we had our first kiss and I feel weird knowing that I kissed someone I met only for three days! anyway, every time I lock the door of my room so we can talk privetly my mum screams out loud "MY DAUGTER IS HAVING FUN SEX!" she thinks that we have sex but we oblivesly don't ! how do I tell my mum we don't have sex? (without saying "just say mum we don't have sex were too young" because I already tried !!)

There are a couple ways to look at what your mom means when she yells out what she does, but that is not your question.

While I realize talking about sex with a parent is both hard to do and not just a little embarrassing. Though talking with her about this is what you need to do.

First leave out the part about you tried, we will talk about this in a minute. What you need to do is sit down with mom and say something to the effect that. "Mom I know I am to young to be having sex and I haven't." "When I lock my door when me and my boyfriend are together it is so we can talk privately without anyone just barging in."

At this point you can if you wish to discuss with mom what she feels are your rights to privacy at your age. You are 11 and like it or not you have only those rights your parents allow you. As you get older parents generally give their children more freedom in how they conduct themselves. You can if you wish offer to make a deal with mom that when you are ready to have sex you will tell her in exchange for her helping you get proper birth control so she does not become a grandmother at an early age.

Now I will tell you I am old enough to be your grandfather. I am very liberal in my views when it comes to sex, dating and young people. What I will say is I am very disturbed by young people your age dating exclusively.

At 11 years of age you would be in middle school sixth or seventh grade. To me this is way to young to be having exclusive relationships. You should be at best group dating as in mall outings, going to the movies in groups. Doing things such as going bowling, Ice skating and miniature golfing.

To me this is a very important part of your life that you are missing out on. It is how young people learn to socialize properly and properly deal with different situations. Selective or exclusive dating comes later when you are 15 or 16. You can call me old fashion if you want and maybe I am though sociologists and psychologists agree with me.

In everything we do there is a learning curve, this includes dating. You didn't just jump on a two wheel bicycle and start riding you used training wheels for a while. Call this period of dating the training wheels stage. It is important to go through this stage. To put it a different way; life is somewhat like an algebra problem. You can't skip any steps and expect to get the right answer.

Back to your question. I suggest you have a straight talk with mom along the lines I suggested above. Honesty is the best policy in all situations. It may be embarrassing but it will result in the right answer for you.


it z been 6 months nw.. We were in a pure realationship. I hv fingered her.she had given handjobs to me. But i want to lick her out. But she is telling it is a sin according to da religion..

If its a sin I would say about 90% of the worlds population are committing this sin. Oral sex is a very pleasant form of foreplay or an alternative to actual intercourse for young people. While I am not a biblical scholar I have never heard of oral sex being considered a sin.

What I would caution you about is not to force your girl into allowing you to do something she is not comfortable with. This would include having her give you oral sex.

When it comes to sex both participants must be consenting or it is a no go. If one partner is not consenting and is forced to do something they do not want to do it is rape. Either one of you regardless of your age can be charged with rape and sexual harassment when trying to or forcing someone to do something sexual they do not wish to do.

So while I do not believe oral sex is a sin; she does. That means until she feels differently stick to what she will allow and do not force her or harass her to do more then she is comfortable with.


I honestly consider myself a pretty smart person. I joke around sometimes but once class starts I try my best to do my work and be serious. I get A's and B's on my report card ( its never been lower). So this is my problem: sometimes I have a hard time EXPLAINING things but I think I do good most of the time. Well at gym we were practicing volleyball and we had partners and while we were playing I missed the ball and I was like " sorry, I didn't know u had hit it to me yet" and then she was like " ohhhh ADHD" and I was shocked that she would say something like that so I shutgged my shoulders. I don't do very well with problems ( like cancer or ADHD). I know thins because a lot of people at my have like some issue and I don't know how to react to that. Just like a while ago my friend told me that she was chubbier than a lot of us because she had to take drugs so that her heart won't explode ( or however she said it). I didn't know how to react to that. So can someone help me with like how I know if I have ADHD or give me some possible signs of it. And I do forget thing a lot to. Lol

Missing a ball in a game of volleyball is not a way to diagnose if you have ADHD. The fact that you get A's & B's on your report cards tells me you do not have a problem staying on task or studying. Which would be one of the signs that you could suffer from one of the forms of ADHD.

I think what your partner meant when she said that to you was your mind wasn't on the game. This happens to all of us from time to time and sometimes people jokingly refer to this as an ADHD moment.

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is no joking matter. We should not joke about it as for those afflicted by this illness it is very troubling. In the least and can cause very serious social and behavioral problems even with medical intervention. At worst it can cause severe emotional control problems as well as behavioral problems.

Not being a doctor and not knowing you it is impossible to make a diagnoses. Only your doctor could make an initial diagnoses and then would have to refer you to a specialist for treatment. From what you have written and the way you write I would be very surprised if you did suffer from ADHD.

The other things you wrote about as to how to react to different situations. This has nothing to do with ADHD. I'm old enough to be your grandfather and there are things I still find difficult to react to. For me part of the reason is I worked as a volunteer fire & Rescue Squad member and this has caused me to learn to cut myself off from certain situations so ZI can do what i am being asked to do. Still each of us react differently to situation we know little about. This is normal.

If you are concerned about having ADHD speak to your parents about seeing your doctor for screening. This is the only way to know for certain. As I said though I doubt you suffer from this and the remark the other girl made was a joking comment.


Since d day of marriage I am being neglected by my husband though I was his own choice. Later I came to know he still loves his former wife & son & he talks with her over phone. Secondly it us his basic nature to since childhood to neglect his own family & to do anything for friends' families. For this reason his wife divorced him. It is only after their divorce that he has grown interest in her.I know everyone will say that he is a good person to help others & there is nothing bad in maintaining a friendly relationship with his ex-wife. But what about me? I am tired of severe loneliness & negligence. Plz tell me d ways so that he becomes homely & love me. It is useless to discuss with him. I have shown love & affection to him as many ways as I can. But all r in vain. I have tried to commit suicide twice but have not died.

I know people just like your husband, my father and myself included. My father never changed. For me it took an auto accident that changed my life; causing me to become disabled and developing a severe case of depression. After months of therapy for the depression I started to see what I had been doing wrong in my life. That my father was wrong in the way he lived. In fact I learned not to like who I had been and learned I could do better.

I don't recommend your husband go out and have a life threatening accident. I do recommend that the two of you get counseling by a qualified psychologist. It is quite possible that your husband, like myself, is suffering from a mild form of depression and seeks the love, approval and affection of others as away of dealing with the depression. Not being a doctor I can't say for sure. What I am reading though sounds a lot like who I was.

You need therapy because of the suicide attempts. Suicide is not an answer to your problems. It is the wrong solution. You need to learn why you are driven to this point and learn how to deal with it better.

You both need individual therapy before you try marriage counseling to fix your marriage.


Im crying right now so Im kinda in a fragile state of mind. So I try all the time in school and i feel like no one else truly understands. Publically people think im so nice when I'm not. They don't know me really. When I get home I want time to myself. I came home at 6 today and I hadn't eaten at all. I go in my room and as soon as I open my mouth to eat, my mom yells my name. she does this VERY frequently. So I yell "okaaaay!" She came up to my room and I basically said "I just got home im tired, I havent ate, leave me alone" (In a yelling complaining voice) To make a long story short, my mom thinks im like my oldest sister and im gonna turn into this bad teen and hit her and all that stuff. Im my own person, I skipped lunch just to do homework at the library, I stayed after for algebra tutorials, and I try. When I get home im always yelled and hit at. My attitude can be bad but so is my mothers. She never lets me go over a friends house, EVER. I can't have a social life, she raises us to be antisocial. She's got issues she hasn't dealt with nor does she think even exists. So back to what happened. She got so mad that she threw my laptop down, punched the wall, tipped my orange juice over and started yelling at how much she wanted to hit me. Im so sick and tired of this. Tired of trying. Im sorry I have a short fuse but im not a bad person, I dont drink, smoke, cuss her out, hit her. NONE of the things my oldest sister use to do. Im a good girl and I get treated like crap sometimes. Im done, so tired I just cant. So now im grounded without this laptop I now have to give up and my ipod....my only source of music. As dramatic as this posts sounds its more serious than you think. I want to hit her and as soon as that day happens is the day I can't turn back. She will treat me like my oldest sister and it will be hell for my teenage life.So its a lose/lose situation. FML. Sometimes I just wanna call CPS and go live somewhere else....oh wait my oldest sis tried that. Sometimes I wanna die....oh wait thats taken too. So I just have to live in hell for the next 4 years...FML. Advice?

First lets work on this short fuse. Not eating all day will only shorten your fuse. If you do this often you need to stop this practice and find or make the time to eat lunch. You should also start taking a snack to have before or after any after school activity to hold off any hunger feelings when you get home.

When we are tired and stressed out as you sound like you are when you get home. Hunger only amplifies the stress we are feeling. It makes it easier to fly off the handle, shorten our fuses. By having lunch at the proper time and maybe a snack at dismissal time you can lengthen that fuse.

As for the other things you have written about. This is harder to deal with as much of it is perception and the fact that you are writing while you are in "a fragile state of mind."

Mom may have issues, if she does there is not much you can do about it. Your the child you cannot force mom to do anything. Only your father, if he is in the picture, can take this issue up with her. If he is not available to appeal to then you might consider talking to an Aunt, Uncle or Grandparent who might be willing to speak with mom. If CPS found nothing wrong with your home life calling them won't do much for you though continued complaints may change their minds.

Hitting is a different story. Mom has the right to discipline you which would include corporal punishment. Hitting is not considered corporal punishment. A smack or two to your butt or even a spanking with her hand is corporal punishment.

Hitting you in the face or head with an open or closed hand is child abuse. Punching you or hitting you anywhere on your body is assault and could be considered child abuse. If this is what is happening when you say mom is hitting you then you should tell a trusted teacher or school principal. Tell them when any bruising if fresh so they can document it. With documentation by a trusted adult like a teacher or principal CPS will get involved.

Grounding and taking away privileges: Telling you when and where you can go, who you can see. is considered parenting. It may be poor parenting but parenting none the less. There is not much I or anyone else can offer in the way of advice as to what to do about this.

The best advice I can offer is what I have offered as far as eating so as to control your temper. Try talking with a relative as I suggested. If you and mom use the same doctor you could talk with your doctor and maybe the doctor can talk to mom to see if something the doctor can do to help her. Other than that just try to be as good as you can to stay on the west side of her.


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