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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

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I'm a 26 year old woman who has been single for a long while, not for lack of suitors, but I have high standards. My most successful relationship has been with a man who was 5 years my senior, but that was 5 years ago. I am currently interested in my younger brother's college roommate. He is smart, funny, motivated and attractive. Unfortunately, he is 20 years old. (Not that being my brother's roommate is helping matters...) I have reason to believe that the feeling may be mutual. Is it worth it to pursue this? Am I being silly?

If you mean, is it silly to have feelings for some one younger than you, the answer is No. What should be of more concern is whether a male is mature and in the same age bracket as far as a meeting of the minds. Younger persons can be much older in how they act in life and handle life while older people can still be naive and immature, or on the positive side, young at heart.
What matters most is how a man treats you. Is there love, respect, caring about the things you care about as far as supporting what you have a passion for, being trust worthy and so on.

You won't really know unless you ask. I am sure you might feel awkward coming out and asking someone younger, but I wouldn't treat it any different than you approaching a 26 yr old to ask him out. He is of legal age, an adult, so go for it.

is it normal for a girl not feel anything when kissing.

I am assuming we are talking 'romantic kissing' here? However, what I am not clear on is whether you are a girl and have kissed a guy and feel nothing or whether you are the guy and have kissed a girl but she seems to not respond or has said she felt nothing.

My answers will apply to both situations. In some cases, love is not an instant flash of hot desire and fire and starts as a small ember that slowly continues to grow to the point you have a blazing fire. If two people are best of friends and one starts to have feelings for the other, but the other has no romantic feelings, just like a sis or bro instead, then one cannot expect to have a response to the kiss feeling anything like desire, bliss, happiness, romance, love. If both are developing romantic feelings and are best of friends, and kiss to check out that avenue, perhaps, it can feel awkward or one is scared of losing their best friend if the romance part doesnt work out and so one or both are feeling kind of tense, not relaxed, then I can see how a person might not feel anything from a kiss, even though they have feelings for the person.

Humans are emotional creatures and when something weighs heavy on our minds, a negative emotion can be heavily in play, such as fear, frustration, disappointment, sadness, anger, etc... and that can easily cancel out any romantic feelings from a kiss.

And then there is something called chemistry or what I also refer to as pheremone connections. The animal kingdom relies often on pheremones to draw a mate to reproduce. Humans have their own pheremones too. But human pheremones vary enough so that not every person is going to incite the same level of desire and passion in you nor will you be able to incite that kind of passion in all either. Sometimes, the excitement of a new relationship can mimic a good pheremone match, and two people feel something terrific when kissing. But over time, usually weeks but a couple months too, the 'new relationship energy' will fade and there are no such feelings left. This confuses people who thought they felt something at first and later feel nothing when kissing or anything else.
I was once married to a guy I had no pheremone connection to. I was naive, 20 when I married and had no idea that if I felt nothing, that something was wrong, or at the very least I should wait to see if anything changes, but I married him right away. It was a mistake. Nothing changed as I well understand why now.

If you still have unanswered questions, perhaps you could write more of your situation to give us an idea of whats going on and I may be better able to answer you.

I'm at the legal age now. Isolated from what normal kids' normal life. I never had a boyfriend by choice but I had a girlfriend before. Average looking, average IQ, bullied a lot and called ugly a lot. I don't like anyone in my school though there are a lot of hot guys. I never went to a serious date. Never kissed anyone nor had sex. But I have a crush on a guy who I know likes me too.

He is so popular from other school. I've known him for 3 years. He is the team captain of their soccer team. Their team is included in the top 10 in the provincials. We hangout always. He sometimes takes me for a ride after my job. I sometimes drive to his school to ask him for lunch and he does the same too.

I once told him that I was so worried about my real orientation because Ive had a gf. He constantly tells me that I should look for a guy not a girl. He even told me "please never be a lesbian" which sounds kinda begging. He once told me that he trusts me more than his gf before. Then few months they broke up because of the girl who was cheating.

One time, I was so depressed because I wasn't able to attend our team's party because I came home late from my job. He called me and rushed to my home. He did my makeup (which actually so hilarious) and then drove me to the place. But my teammates made fun of me (iniciate a sexual act. Almost sucked my neck) so he rushed in and had a fight. I was thankful about what he did, after it we went to his rooftop, danced and then he confessed that he loves me and wanted to be my bf. I was so overwhelmed. But I refused because he is so popular and that I also don't want to get involved with his issues with his ex.

Days passed he messaged me if Im ready to accept his feelings but I just ignored him because at that time i don't love him. I just only like him. So 3 months passed we didn't talk. In the 1st week of 4th month I confessed that I love him so bad and Im sorry. He just replied with laughing emoji. I was hurt totally. Until my birthday last week he just greeted me, I opened a convo but told me he was too busy to talk with me. Now I realized I love him. I know he doesn't have a gf, I asked his sister. I love him so much. I wanted to have sex with him. I wanted to kiss him. I want him so bad. But Ive lost my chance. What should I do? I sorried a lot. Please help me. I love him so bad.

Sounds to me like he was badly hurt by your refusal to become his girlfriend, and may be trying to hurt you back so you know what it feels like. If so, this is an immature move but since the frontal cortex of the brain isn't done maturing until the mid 20's, really any time before or around then can still be a struggle to say and do the right things, not looking at the consequences. the actions of your classmates in how they treat you is very immature so if you're both of the same age range, I guess that kindof explains why poor actions and choices are being made.
What I see here is a guy who was treating you as a best friend and along the line developed feelings for you. The most successful relationship are based on those who are each others best friend and also are a very good sexual match.
Looks like you had the friendship part down. Your reaction to him, not wanting to get involved because he is so popular? What did you think, that he was being nice to you to just get into your pants so you refused him cus he is popular and popular guys can't be nice, be trusted, or what? Heck, If I was only a girlfriend who was that kind of real good friend and you told me you didn't want to be around me anymore cus I am popular and I had problems with an ex friend, I would have thought, You're joking right? Pulling my leg, cus you can't seriously mean that!
I can easily see how he was devastated.

Now I know that with 2 people of opposite sex who are best friends, that it happens where one developes romantic feelings but the other never does, see's their friend more along the lines of brother/sister, nothing more.

However, there is also another problem. Often it is with the girl, who is expecting that she will know something is real love if its love at first sight or early on having the hots for each other. But some loves grow slowly over time from a small ember to a flame to a blazing fire. The girl has trouble seeing that she is in love with the male friend because she's looking for a blazing fire or something else to fall in place. So the guy ignores her or starts dating someone else and has no time for her anymore and now she feels abandoned, left over and has these strange feelings of loss and cant stop thinking about the guy, feeling sad, etc.

I have had to tell the girl to think hard about her feelings as it might be likely if she was feeling jealous that she is actually in love with the guy.
Or both are afraid to share their feelings in case the other doesnt feel the same cus they feel it would ruin their friendship, they break up as friends and never see each other again, which neither wants to have happen so two people in love never take the chance and say anything.

As for your sexual orientation, you'd kind of know without being in any relationship if you are strictly sexually attracted to only females, only males, or both. Its ok to like both and many who do have husbands who understand and are okay with the wife have a female lover on the side. That isnt your foremost issue. You need to decide if he is really just a friend and feels like a brother or if he is your best friend, someone you enjoy so much that you can't imagine him not being in your life, like if he died in a car accident tomorrow. Of course we all go thru grieving in time. But will it feel like you just lost a friend, or lost a potential partner/mate?

I don't understand how 3 months could pass where neither of you talked. Apparently, neither knows much communication skills, or how to be humble and ask for forgiveness, not of your personal stance or feelings but for how you reacted and handled the situation which i must say you both did poorly at different points. But hey, life is all about learning and most often its thru mistakes and learning to do different, do better. Doing nothing, doesnt help each other.
Trying to start an online chat, send a text or letter is not the way to repair a great misunderstanding between two friends, It needs to happen face to face. You know where he lives. Whats stopping you from showing up on his doorstep saying you want to talk, and discuss what went wrong, not that he is in love with you but you need to bring out the thoughts you were having. In life, its always going to be our negative thoughts that mislead us, or have us believing things that aren't true, or self defeating in nature. Its not often the other person but one self who is the greatest problem. He isn't a mind reader. If you want to see if theres a chance to getting back together, someone has to make the first step, might as well be you. Depending on how he responds and acts and if he sharees from his heart too what he was thinking and apologizes for his behavior, then you will know he is not the right man to be in any kind of relationship with, walk away, never look back or regret. But do tell what your fears and concerns were or still are. My husband and I are always sharing something we are thinking, planning, how we interpreted some experiences, and if we didn't do that, there would be soooo much in our marriage that we are missing in opportunities, growing together and experiencing wonderful new things. I cant say enough how important it is to share like that but then you only do so with someone whom you have great trust in. YOu had the friendship first to build trust in each other. You should have known whether you could trust him to share what you were thinking. When one has doubts, the partner can then help be a best friend and help calm your fears and put to rest any doubts you may have, but it takes one person speaking first. He need to be willing to be as open with you. It cant be one sided.
So have a talk together in person, forgive and then kiss and make up or make out...whatever feels right at the time.

I'm not going to ask for answers or anything, it's just that I have a tendency to leave homework till the last minute and it happened again today. I have a lab report for science due tomorrow. I really don't understand what to do for the questions, they don't specify how to answer. I also forgot to take notes while doing the science experiment so that part is already incomplete. I asked my friends if they understood the questions but none of them have the same teacher as me and they don't have to do the report. My teacher is very strict and I don't want to email her asking for help; she probably wouldn't give me any anyways. What can I do?

Cant help with something due tomorrow. However, the moment you get an assignment, if there is anything you are not clear on, ask the teacher as soon as possible. I assume you had more than one day to produce this assignment. Whatever the time limit, the teacher must be giving a reasonable amount of time. If its a subject you struggle in to begin with, then you might want to ask the teacher for help in class and ask in class if its okay to email her also during the time you are supposed to be creating a report. People have different ways of learning and pretty much schools have one set way of teaching. Me, I cant read a manual and discover from reading it how to use a product I bought or how to fix something. I learn by both being shown the steps and then having to repeat doing them myself to cement a memory of a process in my mind. It is not a teachers duty to help save you at the last minute. Ahead of time help is fine. If your teacher doesnt want to take the time to help you, then theres a problem. Sometimes there are people who are teachers who do not have a heart for teaching, its just another job to them so they may not really care to take the extra step to help explain to you. If its just the one class, get her help. If you have a problem in more than just one class, it might help to let the parents know of your struggles so they can ask to meet with teachers and other school officials to see what else can be done to help, such as tutors or special classes. I had a daughter who struggled with reading and was pulled into a special class where the focus was different and more individualized. I was really bad at algegra in HS and pulled into a class for those who struggled with the concepts so we got the extra attention from the teacher to help get at least a passing grade. You can't get help until you ask for it. It doesnt mean you're a failure or dumb. We are have strengths in different areas and different learning styles and that needs to be taken into account too. So do ask for help and ask sooner, no last minute stuff.

Hi. I'm kinda months already in here and I don't feel like asking publicly.

I have been close friends with this guy for about 3 years. We live in different country and chat frequently. When we talk He sometimes correct my grammar (English is not our first language). I just correct my grammar whenever he tells me it's wrong. So yesterday I told him "I got a joke" then he would say "have". That wasn't the first time he corrected me about that sentence. Am I really wrong about it? I know it is informal to say "i got a joke". But I want to know what is right. When we talk I usually have typos and errors and sometimes I forget to correct them. One time he said, how come you're a blogger when your English is faulty?. I care less in grammar when talking with my close friends. Btw he is European and is really particular with grammar (he's taking a degree in English Language Communication). But one thing I appreciate is that he loves my accent. He thinks my accent is sexy and cute.

It is really depressing whenever I write articles because I feel concious and insecure about my grammar. I don't really make mistakes because I proof-read my works a lot. Whenever I go into conferences, I am always asked to repeat my statement perhaps because of my accent.

And also when I talk with my close friend whose first language is English, he doesn't correct me. He doesn't correct whenever I unintentionally make a grammatical mistake. He told me that my english level is great. I can also observe that sometimes he'd have grammar error. He's a part-time German translator and a Medical student. Also, he hates my accent because it's sometimes French and or old European.

One time in our school I corrected my professor. He said something with "more correct" phrase in it. He gladly accepted my correction and said that in medicine they care less in grammar as long as it's understandable. It is really embarrassing in my part because I'm a blogger, medical student, a feature writer in our university and a part-time English tutor yet I make grammatical errors when talking with someone. I also speak 3 languages (which I know I also make grammar mistakes a lot) and 7 dialects.

Also my classmates are making fun of me whenever I pronounce such words. I have french accent. I'm so depressed. It's really embarrassing. Sorry if I'm jumping to different stories. Please don't judge me harshly. I'll wait for your reply. Thank you!

I will say this, that those who have seriously studied English and its not their first language, almost always have better grammar than those born and raised in the states or other English speaking countries. I had a chance to meet a french girl two years ago and saw her a lot over summer and found at times her accent hard to understand. It is the same for any language accent a person isn't familiar with hearing. The more one hears an accent, the more they begin to understand. So do not worry about your accent or your writing in English. Bloggers have the literary freedom to put whatever they want down in print and it can be casual. When its for a magazine or a book, a publisher will want a piece tidied up a bit more, less awkward sentences, and correct misspellings. However even in writing, depending on the context and whether something is made up like science fiction, or writing a characters speech out in poor english, it may be to represent a time, era, place, and accent of the language. For example, I wrote a story with a Scottish Highlander from the past and he spoke with an accent so instead of do not or don't, it is dinnae and there is no such word in English language so spellcheck would say its wrong but it is right for the story.
If your English degree friend were put down in the middle of a busy American city and tried holding conversation with Americans of any age, we would either look at him odd or at the very least find his speech odd. He wouldn't be perceived odd because they don't understand him but due to not speaking informally or with current slang and such.
Your example of "I got a joke," had me having to look twice myself. the word 'have' is something I do not hear any American speaking in that sentence. We do not say 'I have got a joke for you." More like, "I gotta joke for you. Wanna hear it?" I know the formal way would be to say, "Would you like to hear it?" and sure, we can get away with it depending on the company we find ourselves in. You might not stick out as odd speaking formally in an evening at a formal function where everyone's wearing black ties and gowns. And most of us never or rarely have a chance to be at such an event and even then, unless older like myself, they may have no clue how to speak formally and correctly.

The most likely response to some who would speak english so correctly around an average US citizen is that the person is stuck up, full of themselves, prideful, stuffy, a perfectionist, boring, etc.... and Americans are more into just 'being real' with others and often that means very informal speech. Kids and college age people here are now so used to texting shortcuts in communicating that they can't write their question in Advicenators in even simple english. It is a mixed of misspellings, text shortcuts and words that dont even form a sentence that is understandable by any of us. Some of it looks like gibberish or possibly an alien language.

So the best thing you can do is decide whether you wish to spend time around people who are critical. If its coworkers and you have no choice, don't measure your self worth by what others are using to see if you measure up. There is such a thing as helpful criticism but when a person interrupts you so many times that you lose the desire to continue speaking, then it is no longer a good thing. You are an amazing person, knowing 3 languages and 7 dialects. There are not many who can claim that. Considering all the languages and dialects and your own accent thrown in, I am not surprised that people have difficulty understanding you. Do what you can to be as clear as possible, perhaps slow down your speech, enunciate more but after that, the ball is in their court, meaning it's their turn to take action. Their action needs to be to learn to understand you, patiently ask you to repeat without any teasing and that is something they have to train their own ears to grow accustomed to. Its not your job beyond a certain point. In America, we get many call centers for businesses we call in to for help, where the majority of people have heavy accents, East Indian, Asian, or other. Perhaps they live in the US or the call center is out sourced residing in another country where there is no one who speaks like americans. And it is crucial to understand when it is a business transaction. Imagine how those telephone helpers feel when callers do not understand them and I can guarantee that 4 out of 5 people will not understand them. They get this all day long in their job.
So really, it involves much more your thoughts and feelings about yourself rather than what anyone else thinks or says. We get to define who we are and I suppose, how relaxed or how speech perfect we are become part of that in how our personality and character come across. The standard of education in many other countries is now much higher than in the U.S. So it really depends on what a person of another country plans to do with an English degree and what the standards in their country are for a certain job position, like being a teacher of the English language, or perhaps an interpreter.
I think your professor has the right attitude that
he says to care less in grammar as long as it's understandable. I don't think that applies to just the medical field but in much more of society than you think. So your English friend is right about English he finds spoken or written wrong. But your professor is also right. And so are you.
Lets use your Blog for an example. What you need to decide is whether it is more important to you to get across your point and share the stories you want to in a style that is helpful, entertaining and will stick with a person and maybe change their life or whether you want to impress people in your blog with perfect grammar. Aside from one or two misspelled words one doesnt catch, most of us realize that we are all human and prone to mistakes. Actually, when it comes to writing, I am finding more and more errors in website titles, on bus ads, in magazine ads, even on tv. It's almost as if something is affecting the brains of all humans now, of any age. I get lazy too now but I do go back and read over something that is to go into print someday, like books I am writing and hope to self publish. If you self monitor and go over things 2 or 3 times before you release them, you can find your own errors fairly easily. However, in speech, i don't believe there can be such a one uniform, clear cut way of speaking and communicating that is correct. It is much more complicated. And the worst thing a person can do is to continue to interrupt and correct a persons speech. If someone uses the incorrect word in a spoken sentence to me but i think I understood it, I rephrase and ask, is that what you meant? But I do not correct. In America, its a country that has become a melting pot of people from so many other countries where the first language was not English that it is very common to not always understand someone here. I hope this all helps you feel better about yourself. Make a list of all the things you do well, not your friends opinion but what you know and believe you do well, and your accomplishments and abilities and focus on those. Do not focus on perfectionism unless you have an employer who expects that. the average person does not expect that. As far as your accent, when in class, let the others know its okay to laugh if something you pronounce sounds funny. Let them know you are aware that not all can easily understand your speech and give them permission to ask you to slow down or ask you to repeat. ANd also if repeating doesnt help, for them to ask you to spell the problem word. I am just starting to have the harder time of hearing that older people can get and my husband and I are constantly not understanding each other. rather than get upset because we are always ask each other to repeat, we find the humor in what we thought we heard (which made no sense at all and is very funny) and what was really said. There isnt a day that goes by that we aren't laughing at something we heard wrong. So it depends on the attitude of the people involved. If you can be relaxed, easy going and approachable and friendly with others, it will put them more at ease too when it comes to getting used to your accent. If you can learn to not take things personally, then you'll find you can enjoy whatever you do in life more. Life is short, so enjoy it dear. Don't be so harshly self critical or choose to subject yourself to being around others who are harshly critical. I spent 30 years in a marriage to someone like that, worse even. Verbal abuse. There was nothing I could do well enough for him. thats why I am no longer with him. good luck dear.

Female, 13 – So I've had glasses for almost all of my life, braces for a long time, & my hair is really poofy and thick and wavy and I am super self-conscious about how I look. I feel like nobody will like me as more than a friend unless I get contacts, my braces get taken off, and I go to a salon to get my hair done. How can I feel more positive about how I look? Thanks for answering! And I'm not trying to make people that have braces, glasses, and/or my kind of hair feel bad about how they look. This is just based on MY appearance.

It was my 2nd year of HS that I got contact before the start of that year. Before I wore glasses. I wanted people to be able to see my eyes or makeup better and tired of the hassle of rain on glasses or them steaming up. They aren't much different in cost than glasses, so I would talk to the parents and eye doctor and the eye doctor needs to give a slightly different exam for you to get contacts than if getting glasses or can test for both if parents want you to have glasses still for back up, like when your eyes are irritated from hayfever or smoke and wearing contacts only makes that feel worse, then glasses are great until your eyes recover. The braces you can't hurry along but you could check into hair relaxers. Chemicals can be harsh though so if it hurts your scalp too much, you wont want to continually repeat. Using a flat iron to straigten hair will after some time do heat damage to your hair. I know. My niece is mixed race and wants straight hair like Mom and the over use of the flat iron plus relaxers has made her hair more brittle so that instead of really long hair with corkscrew curls, she now has straight hair that keeps breaking off in tiny bits that she hasn't noticed as its gradual. but in a years time she's lost around 4 inches in length just from the treatment of her hair.
So what you might want to do is find out what other styles and cuts are perfect for your hair type and choose from them, even if the one style you want is not included.
I feel it is fine to express ones personal taste in style and hunt around and try different things to see which suits you more.
However, you did title this 'super self conscious' and I want you to know that many teens all feel the same. Its when you have low self esteem, low self confidence which also plagues lots of teens, I was one too at that age, that there is a problem. If using a way of looking to attempt to boost your self confidence and feel accepted, I can let you know now not to waste your time changing you on the outside because self esteem, and confidence can only be fixed on the inside where it first appears from. Basically I had thoughts about myself that were negative or untrue, worries and anxieties about how others would view me or think of me or like, not like me when I had no prior experience to base it on. It was all in my head and I suffered social anxiety. I dont any longer. Cured in my last year of HS and did it all myself. So hon, if this is just about trying styles and also is about your self esteem and such, let me know, I have some things I could share with you.

I am a girl and my best friend is a guy who is pretty much a brother and today I found out good exgirl friend cheated on him while they were dating now they're friends and he doesn't know I don't know if I should tell him, he has a right to know but it may ruin there friendship should I tell him what I found out?

Hon, a fact of life is that people who used to be a couple can break up and remain friends pretty much no matter what the reason for break up was, with the exception that one was not verbally or physically abusive towards the other.

Sometimes people cheat cus they are too chicken to end the relationship and/or don't want to hurt the person they're dating but the fact is, they are not right for each other and the one tempted to or engaged in cheating is often doing so because their partner does not fulfill their needs emotionally or physically if the two are having sex. Often in both cases, its not because there is something lacking in the partner, as they can meet the needs of a new partner just fine so its just that two people were together who were not meant to be together. The way one person goes about it by cheating is not the right way to fix the problem. The fix is to split up. Since the two are split up as a couple, I'd say problem solved. Now if for some reason she wants him back in a relationship, then you would need to say something and find out if he already knows about the cheating and thats one of several reasons they split or if he doesn't know and then it is needed advice. Don't expect that he will trust you right off the bat so ask him to be cautious and watchful. So unless he was planning to get back together, any talk about it otherwise is meddling in someones private business and even as their friend, not right to bring up. If he was in a new relationship and that was happening while still with the girl, and you don't have hearsay to pass on but you have actual proof such as seeing with your own eyes, the girl out somewhere with another guy, kissing him, then as his friend, it is okay to tell, but after the fact, no.

26 female

My dad died when I was 12 but 2 years ago my cousins husband saw how upset I was about it and said I could call him dad if I wanted to. We use to be really close. I could tell him anything and he would be there for me. I could even tell him things I knew he wouldn't like but he would forgive me but things have changed just a few minutes ago he told me not to call him dad any more. I messed up bigtime. I lost my real dad 14my years ago monday and now I lost my new dad and this time it's my fault.

I know you've written before and whatever info you wanted or recieved has obviously not changed or improved things for you. You needed a dad from age 12 to 18 as far as the years you were being raised.

You now state the cousins husband didn't offer to act as your 'Dad' until you were 24? He may have meant well, but I was under the impression you were not yet an adult female in this situation with a family relation offering to let you call him 'Dad'. Other than being allowed to call him Dad, see if you can list obvious ways in which he was fulfilling 'Dad' responsibilities for you, either knowingly or that it did something for you that he wasn't aware of. If it all boils down to being able to call him Dad, then if he no longer wishes that, the thing to do is respect his wishes. that however doesnt fix what you are feeling inside.

I will wager that even though it was death and not Dads choice to leave you and the family, that you are still feeling the feelings of abandonment. You may not even realize that this is what is going on but you feel robbed of certain things you felt you should have had growing up. one thing in particular comes to mind that you may not be aware of but teen girls going through puberty and thru their teen years, need a male father symbol around for a valid reason. Its a time when young girls are startin to become young women and need the verbal approval and support of the male of the family, their Dad. Their self esteem as a female is much in need of male approval at this time and the safest place to get it is from Dad. Though the daughter is changing sexually, it is not sexual approval she requires. Its more her emotional needs, and needing to know from a males perspective that she is indeed growing up to become a beautiful young lady. I remember doing this with my Dad. I wanted to spend more time around him chatting, I needed lots of hugs from him and I really valued his opinion when boys confused me and he could share from the male perspective and when I had new outfits or haircut or something, I didn't just want to know how my mom or friends liked it, I wanted to know what my Dad thought of it. If he siad something like, "Wow, I'm going to have to beat away the guys that come flocking to our door to see you cus you're so pretty." That might sound silly to you but it is in fact a real and true emotional need in a girl.
What happens to girls who don't get that cus their Dad was a mean drunk or abusive to the whole family, or he was in jail, he died, or he totally left mom and the kids taking off one day never to return? Those girls miss getting this emotional need taken care of so they will subconsciously take actions that they feel will bring them this needed male approval and self esteem building and look for it in relationships with teen boys. However all they get is immature boys who will say whatever they have to, to get sex and false compliment plus sex is all she gets and had her need still unmet.
In cases like this, you are more likely to go looking for Dad material in whom you marry, or anyone you can find that you want to have treat you like that teen daughter. However, you are now an adult woman and that changes the situation.
You can not go back and recapture what you didnt get as a teen girl. that is long past and the only way to deal with your feelings or even to discover what kinds of feelings of lack you have regarding not having a dad is to see a psychologist. I truly mean that. Not that you are crazy or mental. All humans get stuck emotionally and need help from an expert. I would thou caution to not choose any old Dr. but one who deals in Cognitive behavioral therapy or CBT which more or less works with your thought processes and beliefs that may be holding you back. You can really be able to process this and continue your life without a Dad figure and still have a rewarding life. I can't say why the man is refusing now but he must have valid reasons too.
One thing that could possibly scare him and make him want to create some kind of healthy distance between you and him is that on a subconscious level he is picking up the vibes of your needs, of what you didnt get as a teen girl and he senses (correctly) that he is not the one who should be trying to fill that job for you. Or perhaps, since you are an adult female and no matter that he is family and married to a cousin, he is still a healthy normal male with the same kinds of senses and reactions as any other male would have to females. He may be commited to his wife and never stray or cheat on her but something about you might awake too many of those more sexual responses in his body, even though his heart and mind are not willing and dont want to but he truly sees that he cannot fill the role of Dad if he doesnt see you as a daughter, no matter how hard he tried, and only sees you as a red blooded female. He may not find it easy to pretend to just spend innocent time together with you and to keep peace with the wife, would not dare admit to her or you where his mind wanders or how hi

No matter what his reasons are for not wanting to continue on pretending to be your Dad, a substitute Dad is not what you need at your age and anyone who tries to fill that role until you are healed of any psychological hurts you carry deep down, will only be helping you to remain stuck, enabling you to remain in a place where you are not healed of hurts you carry deep down inside that you may not be aware of.
So again, I highly suggest you see a CBT psychologist as these people work to help you find healing immediately with this method and if a person is very willing and trusting of their Dr. can achieve that after a few visits and not need to go for years or get on meds which doesnt help as well. I am sorry for the loss of your dad dear, but if you truly want change your requirements for needing a dad to fulfill something missing inside you, its the only way to go and cousins husband can't help you with that, it is beyond his scope of influence to help you with.

Ok I'm a 12 year old female. I'm very sure of my sexuality. Ever since I was young I always knew I was attracted to girls. I knew somehow I was different from my peers. For one thing I was always that tomboy who dug up worms and wore her hat backwards tightened and liked sports. Even now I'm always the one to kill the spider at sleepovers. I know that's just a stereotype, but still. Every time I'd dress like a princess when i was 5 I'd imagine dancing with another girl rather than a boy. Sometimes the kids in my school would hide in the bathroom and play "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" games. I wasn't interested in what a dick looked like at all. What I'd mainly do is strip the barbies and try to feel what a boob was like. I was really more interested in adult females body parts. Of course I knew that would be bad and my parents explained to me "good touch bad touch" so I stuck with the dolls. I acted out relationships with the barbies, I saw no need for ken dolls. Now then, my parents are catholic. I ditched that stuff a while ago, I was never convinced by it either. I believe in nothing in particular. I believe in a life after this and ghosts (pretty fascinated by the paranormal) but no "creator" my mom is definitely homophobic, she covers it with "I'll accept you tell me anything" but it's obvious. My dad however has demonstrated his homophobia. For example he was playing Queen and I guess Freddy Mercury was homosexual because he said,"Freddie was a great man. His lifestyle killed him. He could've made so much more songs if he didn't choose to be gay." And the way I found out about LGBT is that when I was in 1st grade me and my dad were watching a movie. In the movie was a lesbian couple. I asked why two girls were getting married. He started explaining it, I was relieved I was sort of kind of normal, but he said it in such a conservative way. And the rest of the kids? I could name 1 girl who isn't a conservative extremist and a group of boys have already been teasing me because they think I'm lesbian. My friends I know would stay by me but idk i really want to come out but I don't know if I should?

I'd have to say that you are the exception to the rule. Generally, until puberty hits and hormones start flowing, a child can't know yet what sex they are attracted to sexually because their bodies aren't changing sexually yet.
From toddlerhood on, a child can know if they are transgender though. You being female, as a transgender would have always wanted to dress as a boy and play with boys toys and dig for worms like most boys and it would have disturbed you to have to carry on the part of being female.

So the real question here that only you can answer is whether you enjoy being a female and are attracted to females, or whether you feel like a make inside and are attracted to females.
It might help you to go online to support groups for transgender folk or LGBT support groups and start talking to the people and share how you feel and see if anyone else out there identifies the same way and what they are.

A couple of clues from what I have studied, if that a transgender who is male inside but female outside begins to seriously hate the fact that breasts start growing and dread having and hate periods. So if you decide that you are attracted to females but feel transgender inside, the sooner you can get support and help, the better.
These support groups might be the best place to ask others of all ages how they came out to family, and how to handle family that aren't accepting and supportive. Hope this helps you. Good luck.

I'm 16 from Wisconsin, homeschooled.

My Mom is driving me insane, I love her but her strictness and constant yelling/ accusing is driving me nuts and I don't know how much more I can take before I blow up at her.

Anyway, I'm sixteen but I'm in 12th grade(did two grades in one year due to homeschooling) and I've heard that once you graduate you are considered an adult if you're seventeen, which I will be once I Graduate,but other people say you have to be 18.

I just want to know if I can move out then or if I have to wait until I'm eighteen.

Please let me know if you can, she's making me go to a tech college that I'm not sure I want to, accusing me of drugs and is super strict about everything and just knowing I have the option to leave in 9 months instead of a year and a half would be a huge relief.

The general law is that a person is considered an adult at 18. Most kids in
a reg. school enter at 17 and turn 18 at some point during the school year and so are 18 at the time they graduate. Those who are in accelerated programs or genius status can be out on their own and in college a bit earlier and be making their own decisions. But usually thats the exception to the rule. I do not know what rules apply there.

In your case, even though you may be done with HS, being under 18, your parents still have a say as to what you do.
The only exception for teens is to go through the legal court system and become an emancipated teen. However this is based on whether the court approves this. This would mean that by court decree, you would be the only one solely responsible to everything for yourself, earn your own money, be able to afford your own place or share with a room mate, provide your own food, clothes, take care of transportation, and Dr and insurance and other such stuff, would no longer require a parent, you could sign for yourself. But that is a steep and often difficult plate to full for any young person. This would mean you no longer live at mom and dads as they dont legally need to offer you a home anymore. If they wanted to charge you rent for a bedroom, they could and you'd have to pay, the same as you would to any landlord. So before you jump, consider all that this really means. Tho responsible for yourself, other age limits still apply like not able to drink until 21.

http://www.clasp.org/resources-and-publications/publication-1/0033.pdf

http://ctlawhelp.org/a-teenagers-guide-to-emancipation

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Emancipated-as-a-Teen

And since state laws can vary a bit, you might do a search for 'teen emancipation' followed by the name of your state to get the best advice.

Good luck.

So I hate my name so much so I'm wondering what is the name of female demons, fallen angels, minor goddesses, etc? BTW I'm doing this for an stage persona so how could I get everyone to call me that, and make it stick and have everyone call me it because my name sucks so much and I hate it?

I would suggest you do a search on line as I did, putting in a search for 'female demon names'.

I am not you and do not know what kind of on stage presence and why such a name is needed but it was hard to get hits of lists solely female. Here is one link I will post but it might be better if you do the search yourself since you know the why and what you are looking for.

http://www.academia.edu/6889570/Demon_Names_And_Meanings

hey guys im From kenya 22, ready ,sooo ready for sex but the pain i felt everytime i try is insane and i just cant take it, my boyfriend tried fingering me and i still couldnt take the pain...im trying to look for all possible ways i can do reduce the pain that i even thought of taking weed before i do it?i know its crazy but i seriously need advice and i need it ASAP....GIRLSSSSSS .

Have you ever used a tampon or tried and it didnt fit? If that or a finger does not fit in, it could be that your problem is an issue with your hymen. Instead of being a smaller ring of tough elastic skin around the circumferance (the edges of the circle of the vagina) the hymen has a strip going down the middle of the opening to the vagina, actually creating 2 much smaller holes. I have heard that this makes it barely possible for a finger or tampon to fit without causing extreme pain. If you have this condition which is called a septate hymen, (look up pictures on line to see what I am talking about. You or boyfriend may be able to see it if you know what you are looking for. It would be the most common reason for nothing being able to fit in. Otherwise, everyone will tell you to relax, use lots of lube. But if nothings helping, its the hymen or perhaps another issue which in either case, seeing a gynecologist can take care of. For the septate hymen, they numb the local area and snip away the extra strip of flesh. I advice to go see your doctor as this isn't something you can fix on your own if you have it. You might be able with extreme pain and lots of bleeding to rig one end of the hymen loose but you'll still have the other end still attached.

I'm going to start babysitting pretty soon and I'm having trouble coming up with how much money I should ask the parents to pay me. Can someone tell me how I can decide what amount it should be? Thanks.

Start looking around for ads of babysitting offered in your area. When I did in home childcare, I called the ads of others offering childcare to see what they asked for. You don't want to be more expensive than others. I have heard also that $5. per hour is common but I know that single parents of more than one child may find it hard to pay that. You might offer a dollar or two off if the length of time they need you is more than an hour or two. I am really not current as costs as I am grandmother age now but babysitting is how I earned money thru HS. and in my time it started at 75 cents an hr and went up to 1 buck and even at low prices which was common back then, everything else cost less too so I will able to purchase my entire warddroble all on my own and my own bike, once driving, to fill dads gas tank with gas, pay to go out to eat with friends, go to movies, pretty much, all my parents did was feed me and offer a home. Good luck with that.

No matter what I do, I can't seem to gain of lose any weight other than a few pounds. I'm a 13 year old female, and currently 147 pounds. Even if I'm using the threadmil, or just sitting one the couch, nothing really changes. Is this bad, or is it normal?

Not everyone's body is the same, so while some are normally overweight during puberty and will naturally slim out once older without much extra extremes gone thru to get there, there are the others you see, same age who are naturally tiny and never have to worry and seem to be able to eat anything with no weight gain. That was me and some of my friends. WE had what is called a fast metabolism. All I can recommend is to see your family doctor for a regular check up and find out if your weight is normal for your age, and height. If so, and in normal range, then do not worry.
If you are not gaining or losing, I don't think it means there is a problem. If you constantly gain weight, even on a diet and while exercising, there may be another medical issue contributing to the weight gain. But a non changing weight likely is okay. The best thing for your peace of mind is to ask Mom to take you in to see the Doctor about your weight. If she won't, you can always call a free nurse line for whatever local hospital is in your area and you can ask any sort of question to see if its something to worry about and see a doctor for or not. Or do a search online for
'free doctor online advice'. You'll get many hits. Choose one and write in your question and some have a person on in current time and will write an immediate answer back..

I had an traumatic event as a teenager(I'm now almost 31) which left me with an ongoing problem as far as some of my reproductive organs. I lived with my birth mom at the time and never told her. Her and I have always had a strained relationship. So over the past 5 years or so I've suffered in silence as financially and emotionally I didn't have the resources to have the proper medical care to resolve the issue(not life threatening of course). Since the trauma I had moved out but moved back home. I very. lose to my adoptive mom. I am now ready financially and emotionally to have the surgery. I am having my adoptive mom go with me(I live with my birth mother) and will be staying with my adoptive mom after. I am not going to tell my real mother bout this. So how do I tell her I'm going away for the weekend with out the guilt of lying but not telling her why?

As an adult, you do not owe your mother any explanations as to why you are going over to stay with adoptive mom a while. Fr whatever reason, if you don't wish her to know about it, then that is your choice.
It is considered a common courtesy to those you live with who know of your habit pattern and being home at night, to let them know if you will not be there for a few days, instead of just disappearing for a couple days and not advise where you'll be. Anyone you knew you slept at home every night might worrythat you were in a car accident if you dont show back at home. Thats the only reason you have to say you'll be gone a few days.

I'm 13 years old (female, obviously) and my period cycles are really long. I got my period this year during the summer and ever since the second cycle I've had period cycles that last for longer than 7 days. The longest was 13 days. I'm not old enough to see a gynecologist near me about this but I really want to know why my period cycles are longer than usually. Thank you!

Hon, in most cases, when a teen gets their period for the first time, the following year will be nothing but irregular, and perhaps up to 18 months from your 1st period.
It is a matter of your body not knowing what to do yet and the hormones have to work a bit harder at getting your body on to a regular schedule. In the meanwhile its quite commom to have varying lengths of period or the times in between varying.
Examples from my 14th year: periods of 1 to 3 days, periods of over 7 days, periods that were mostly just bits of spotting that lasted 2 weeks. I also had periods close together, less than a month apart, or had a space of 2 or 3 months before the next. In time, I became regular and when on to birth 3 children.
I agree, once having a period, if there is a problem, you can be seen by a Doctor and mom would need to make the appointment.
At yearly check ups, my Dr. always asked if I had ever had any extreme cramps or other abdominal pains with a period or if I had excessively heavy bleeding where I couldn't change pads fast enough to absord, or have to change every 10 to 15 mins. And if I ever had those symptoms, then I needed to see them immediately as those are signs of a serious problem. The only young girls that I know of who needed help from a gynnecologist were those who had heavy bleeding, they were put on birth control meds to regulate the bleeding and that treatment works. I've never heard yet of a girl with strangle lengths to period or length between needing a physical exam let aloe meds. Talking of this to the Dr. may be all that happens and they'll reassure its normal and to call if you have certain symptoms they will list.
Its best to be safe than sorry..

My mom is really close with my sibling; she's affectionate towards her, they have inside jokes, and they're pretty much mother & daughter goals. My mother isn't that affectionate towards me or even very close with me at all and I don't know why. She's called me so many names and she won't hesitate to hit me or insult me if I'm annoying her or doing something wrong. I get really nervous when she's angry and when her voice sounds the way it does when she's angry. I act pretty stoic, so is that why she's not close with me? Thank you for answering; I could really use the advice!

What your Mom is doing is wrong. Dictionaries say favoritism is: the practice of giving unfair preferential treatment to one person or group at the expense of another.

Not everyone makes a natural parent and they make lots of mistakes. However, if making grievious mistakes, they would be making it with all the kids, not one.

Hitting and name calling is both verbal and physicall abuse and there are laws to protect you from that. My guess is something is seriously wrong with Mom...serious enough that she needs the help of a Dr. because this is NOT NORMAL, whether she treats one child like this or all like this. The only way Mom is going to get the help and this treatment to you stop is if you say something to your teachers and school counselors. Their job will be to inform the authorities to check into this. If you do nothing, then the treatment you are receiving will mess you up as a person and cause all sorts of anxieties and self defeating beliefs that hold you back your entire life. Examples would be thoughts that you have to overachieve to get others approval, feeling you don't deserve love cus you're defective somehow, etc... if nothing happens with the school, start talking and sharing your story with whomever will listen and do something to get help for your family. I was verbally abused by first husband so I know that victims, like you..will require counseling too. Talk to a church pastor if you have one, talk to relatives, aunts and uncles, grandparents, your girlfriends mom and ask for them to call authorities to get help for you and your Mom. Most likely, people will contact CPS, Child protective service. If you are an adult yourself, get yourself in to counseling and find out what you can do to mention to Mom that she might want to go for counseling herself. Is there a Dad? Talk to him. Theres no way to force a parent to go to a counselor for help as many dont like to admit they have a problem and with that attitude, all the counseling in the world wont help cus the individual is resistant to help.

So as an adult, all you can do is choose to not spend any time visiting Mom. If you still live at home, again, talk to everyone you know and ask if anyone has a room for you to stay. OFten its cheaper to rent a bedroom in a house than get an apt. to move out but if adult, its not healthy for you to stay there any longer.

should i have hope if i like this boy and hes a capricorn and im a pisces but he's dating this girl that is a libra but for right now they have a long distance relationship because he has to live in new york for a year But I think he likes me too because of the way he looks at me I'm just to coward to ask and I really need to kno if I should have hope or just leave well enough alone I can't take missing him anymore

Sounds like a temp thing...maybe Dad had to take a NY job for a year and when the boy left home, he left behind a girlfriend and their only choice is to stay in touch via the net long distance. These reasons for an LDR, have more chances of surviving than just meeting someone on line whom you've never met in person and have little chance of doing so. So if I understood this correct ans she was already his girlfriend before he came to NY, and he's still with her, you need to treat this the same way as a guy you like who has a local girlfriend maybe in same school, classes, or neighborhood. If a person is currently dating someone, its best to wait until he breaks up and is single and available again. How would you like it if you were this girl waiting for a girlfriend who had to move away a year but is coming back. And while he is gone, another girl goes after him. You wouldn't like it one bit. So dont do it to someone else.

Now, on the other hand, young love and dating when in Jr high, H.S. and sometimes even early college, the people have relationships that don't last long to begin with so its just a matter of time before he breads up for whatever reason. You dont want to be the cause of instigating a break up. But I agree, it sounds like you've caught his interest. If he wants to start something with you, he would need to break up with her first. But consider this, if he did break up with her and start dating you, he's only there for this year and after that gone. If your relationship lasts that long, you end up in the same position as the original girl, now being the long distance girlfriend and he may decide he'd rather date someone local than long distance. Girls and guys alike will choose the
in person relationship over the LDR cus theres things you cant have with an LDR, hard to have trust, and you miss out on hand holding and kisses and such.
Theres no reason why you can't just be friendly and friends, but you may find doing this reinforces any interest you have in him and it could grow to a crush even if nothing comes of it and it hurts when he leaves. But keep this in mind, if we fear getting hurt and want to protect our heart, then we will never meet anyone in this life because dating, and relationships are prone to cause hurt as some point or another. You have to be willing to be vulnerable to experience relationships. So you may want to opt for just just smiling when you see him and not try to be come close friends. If he does pursue a friendship with yyou, as embarassing as it might seem, the awkwardness goes away quickly if you voice your fears like, "Hey Johnny, I'd like to be friends but I am also kind of reluctant because I know you have a girlfriend back home and you'll only here for a year. I'm afraid that I might go from friend feelings to more and then be hurt when you leave. So I thought I'd put that out there so you understand where I'm coming from at the very least.' if plans change and theres a chance he'll be staying in your location and he's still attracted to you, you might be the first one to hear from him and he may break up with the other girl if there's no chance of going back. ONes teen years should be experienced, going out to movies, pizza and holding hands with a sweetie, stuff you can't do long distance.

I'm 13 years old (female, obviously) and I need to know how out a tampon in but I don't know where to find my vaginal opening while pushing the tampon in. The tampon feels weird when I try to put it in and I get scared sometimes because I don't want to get an infection. Thank you!

First, best tampon to use is the smallest size that comes with a plastic applicator. You may also want to have personal lube like KY jelly or ask Mom if you could borrow hers and apply it to the plastic applicator. The easiest way to apply is standing with one foot up on a closed toilet seat. You obviously know where your anus is, where you poop from. Other than your pee hole which is way too small to fit a tampon in, the only other opening down there is your vagina. Just relaz cus if you tense up, the muscles tighten and make it more difficult. You may go thru several half aborted attempts to get a tampon in before having success.

Hon, dont worry, the majority of females always have trouble the first time doing this. I did, all my 3 daughters did and know from talking with close friends its the same story there.

The biggest error is in not pushing the tampon in far enough. There is a ring of muscles which if the tampons doesnt go in far enough past it, the muscles will sense something in the way
which makes it very uncomfortable to walk, sit or move at all. There should be no tampon left showing...only the string with which to tug on to remove it.
Dont worry about pushing it in as far as it can go, the vagina dead ends at your cervix and the cervix is only open when theres a baby being birthed. So you can't lose it in there. Good luck.

i was 15 years old and he was 16 so if i kiss her for 5 minutes so i get pregnant ya not

People dont get pregnant from kissing. If someone is pregnant, then its from sperm meeting a fertile egg at the right time...and that happens inside the womans body in her reproductive area, vagina and womb

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