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Proper Grammar and Accent
Hi. I'm kinda months already in here and I don't feel like asking publicly.
I have been close friends with this guy for about 3 years. We live in different country and chat frequently. When we talk He sometimes correct my grammar (English is not our first language). I just correct my grammar whenever he tells me it's wrong. So yesterday I told him "I got a joke" then he would say "have". That wasn't the first time he corrected me about that sentence. Am I really wrong about it? I know it is informal to say "i got a joke". But I want to know what is right. When we talk I usually have typos and errors and sometimes I forget to correct them. One time he said, how come you're a blogger when your English is faulty?. I care less in grammar when talking with my close friends. Btw he is European and is really particular with grammar (he's taking a degree in English Language Communication). But one thing I appreciate is that he loves my accent. He thinks my accent is sexy and cute.
It is really depressing whenever I write articles because I feel concious and insecure about my grammar. I don't really make mistakes because I proof-read my works a lot. Whenever I go into conferences, I am always asked to repeat my statement perhaps because of my accent.
And also when I talk with my close friend whose first language is English, he doesn't correct me. He doesn't correct whenever I unintentionally make a grammatical mistake. He told me that my english level is great. I can also observe that sometimes he'd have grammar error. He's a part-time German translator and a Medical student. Also, he hates my accent because it's sometimes French and or old European.
One time in our school I corrected my professor. He said something with "more correct" phrase in it. He gladly accepted my correction and said that in medicine they care less in grammar as long as it's understandable. It is really embarrassing in my part because I'm a blogger, medical student, a feature writer in our university and a part-time English tutor yet I make grammatical errors when talking with someone. I also speak 3 languages (which I know I also make grammar mistakes a lot) and 7 dialects.
Also my classmates are making fun of me whenever I pronounce such words. I have french accent. I'm so depressed. It's really embarrassing. Sorry if I'm jumping to different stories. Please don't judge me harshly. I'll wait for your reply. Thank you!
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I will say this, that those who have seriously studied English and its not their first language, almost always have better grammar than those born and raised in the states or other English speaking countries. I had a chance to meet a french girl two years ago and saw her a lot over summer and found at times her accent hard to understand. It is the same for any language accent a person isn't familiar with hearing. The more one hears an accent, the more they begin to understand. So do not worry about your accent or your writing in English. Bloggers have the literary freedom to put whatever they want down in print and it can be casual. When its for a magazine or a book, a publisher will want a piece tidied up a bit more, less awkward sentences, and correct misspellings. However even in writing, depending on the context and whether something is made up like science fiction, or writing a characters speech out in poor english, it may be to represent a time, era, place, and accent of the language. For example, I wrote a story with a Scottish Highlander from the past and he spoke with an accent so instead of do not or don't, it is dinnae and there is no such word in English language so spellcheck would say its wrong but it is right for the story.
If your English degree friend were put down in the middle of a busy American city and tried holding conversation with Americans of any age, we would either look at him odd or at the very least find his speech odd. He wouldn't be perceived odd because they don't understand him but due to not speaking informally or with current slang and such.
Your example of "I got a joke," had me having to look twice myself. the word 'have' is something I do not hear any American speaking in that sentence. We do not say 'I have got a joke for you." More like, "I gotta joke for you. Wanna hear it?" I know the formal way would be to say, "Would you like to hear it?" and sure, we can get away with it depending on the company we find ourselves in. You might not stick out as odd speaking formally in an evening at a formal function where everyone's wearing black ties and gowns. And most of us never or rarely have a chance to be at such an event and even then, unless older like myself, they may have no clue how to speak formally and correctly.
The most likely response to some who would speak english so correctly around an average US citizen is that the person is stuck up, full of themselves, prideful, stuffy, a perfectionist, boring, etc.... and Americans are more into just 'being real' with others and often that means very informal speech. Kids and college age people here are now so used to texting shortcuts in communicating that they can't write their question in Advicenators in even simple english. It is a mixed of misspellings, text shortcuts and words that dont even form a sentence that is understandable by any of us. Some of it looks like gibberish or possibly an alien language.
So the best thing you can do is decide whether you wish to spend time around people who are critical. If its coworkers and you have no choice, don't measure your self worth by what others are using to see if you measure up. There is such a thing as helpful criticism but when a person interrupts you so many times that you lose the desire to continue speaking, then it is no longer a good thing. You are an amazing person, knowing 3 languages and 7 dialects. There are not many who can claim that. Considering all the languages and dialects and your own accent thrown in, I am not surprised that people have difficulty understanding you. Do what you can to be as clear as possible, perhaps slow down your speech, enunciate more but after that, the ball is in their court, meaning it's their turn to take action. Their action needs to be to learn to understand you, patiently ask you to repeat without any teasing and that is something they have to train their own ears to grow accustomed to. Its not your job beyond a certain point. In America, we get many call centers for businesses we call in to for help, where the majority of people have heavy accents, East Indian, Asian, or other. Perhaps they live in the US or the call center is out sourced residing in another country where there is no one who speaks like americans. And it is crucial to understand when it is a business transaction. Imagine how those telephone helpers feel when callers do not understand them and I can guarantee that 4 out of 5 people will not understand them. They get this all day long in their job.
So really, it involves much more your thoughts and feelings about yourself rather than what anyone else thinks or says. We get to define who we are and I suppose, how relaxed or how speech perfect we are become part of that in how our personality and character come across. The standard of education in many other countries is now much higher than in the U.S. So it really depends on what a person of another country plans to do with an English degree and what the standards in their country are for a certain job position, like being a teacher of the English language, or perhaps an interpreter.
I think your professor has the right attitude that
he says to care less in grammar as long as it's understandable. I don't think that applies to just the medical field but in much more of society than you think. So your English friend is right about English he finds spoken or written wrong. But your professor is also right. And so are you.
Lets use your Blog for an example. What you need to decide is whether it is more important to you to get across your point and share the stories you want to in a style that is helpful, entertaining and will stick with a person and maybe change their life or whether you want to impress people in your blog with perfect grammar. Aside from one or two misspelled words one doesnt catch, most of us realize that we are all human and prone to mistakes. Actually, when it comes to writing, I am finding more and more errors in website titles, on bus ads, in magazine ads, even on tv. It's almost as if something is affecting the brains of all humans now, of any age. I get lazy too now but I do go back and read over something that is to go into print someday, like books I am writing and hope to self publish. If you self monitor and go over things 2 or 3 times before you release them, you can find your own errors fairly easily. However, in speech, i don't believe there can be such a one uniform, clear cut way of speaking and communicating that is correct. It is much more complicated. And the worst thing a person can do is to continue to interrupt and correct a persons speech. If someone uses the incorrect word in a spoken sentence to me but i think I understood it, I rephrase and ask, is that what you meant? But I do not correct. In America, its a country that has become a melting pot of people from so many other countries where the first language was not English that it is very common to not always understand someone here. I hope this all helps you feel better about yourself. Make a list of all the things you do well, not your friends opinion but what you know and believe you do well, and your accomplishments and abilities and focus on those. Do not focus on perfectionism unless you have an employer who expects that. the average person does not expect that. As far as your accent, when in class, let the others know its okay to laugh if something you pronounce sounds funny. Let them know you are aware that not all can easily understand your speech and give them permission to ask you to slow down or ask you to repeat. ANd also if repeating doesnt help, for them to ask you to spell the problem word. I am just starting to have the harder time of hearing that older people can get and my husband and I are constantly not understanding each other. rather than get upset because we are always ask each other to repeat, we find the humor in what we thought we heard (which made no sense at all and is very funny) and what was really said. There isnt a day that goes by that we aren't laughing at something we heard wrong. So it depends on the attitude of the people involved. If you can be relaxed, easy going and approachable and friendly with others, it will put them more at ease too when it comes to getting used to your accent. If you can learn to not take things personally, then you'll find you can enjoy whatever you do in life more. Life is short, so enjoy it dear. Don't be so harshly self critical or choose to subject yourself to being around others who are harshly critical. I spent 30 years in a marriage to someone like that, worse even. Verbal abuse. There was nothing I could do well enough for him. thats why I am no longer with him. good luck dear.
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