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Sibling Favoritism?
My mom is really close with my sibling; she's affectionate towards her, they have inside jokes, and they're pretty much mother & daughter goals. My mother isn't that affectionate towards me or even very close with me at all and I don't know why. She's called me so many names and she won't hesitate to hit me or insult me if I'm annoying her or doing something wrong. I get really nervous when she's angry and when her voice sounds the way it does when she's angry. I act pretty stoic, so is that why she's not close with me? Thank you for answering; I could really use the advice!
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I feel you sister. Sometimes I feel that way too. But let me tell you something. If you think that your mom likes your sibling way more than you, take that negative thinking out of your mind right now. Your mom borned you for a reason. Because she loves you. And even if she does insult you,and stuff, you better change a little bit of your attitude. I'm not taking side, but, when your mom is calm, take her and your sibling, and tell them about the situation. Tell them of how you're feeling, and if you're scared, don't be. Because a mother is always there for her kids. No matter what!
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What your Mom is doing is wrong. Dictionaries say favoritism is: the practice of giving unfair preferential treatment to one person or group at the expense of another.
Not everyone makes a natural parent and they make lots of mistakes. However, if making grievious mistakes, they would be making it with all the kids, not one.
Hitting and name calling is both verbal and physicall abuse and there are laws to protect you from that. My guess is something is seriously wrong with Mom...serious enough that she needs the help of a Dr. because this is NOT NORMAL, whether she treats one child like this or all like this. The only way Mom is going to get the help and this treatment to you stop is if you say something to your teachers and school counselors. Their job will be to inform the authorities to check into this. If you do nothing, then the treatment you are receiving will mess you up as a person and cause all sorts of anxieties and self defeating beliefs that hold you back your entire life. Examples would be thoughts that you have to overachieve to get others approval, feeling you don't deserve love cus you're defective somehow, etc... if nothing happens with the school, start talking and sharing your story with whomever will listen and do something to get help for your family. I was verbally abused by first husband so I know that victims, like you..will require counseling too. Talk to a church pastor if you have one, talk to relatives, aunts and uncles, grandparents, your girlfriends mom and ask for them to call authorities to get help for you and your Mom. Most likely, people will contact CPS, Child protective service. If you are an adult yourself, get yourself in to counseling and find out what you can do to mention to Mom that she might want to go for counseling herself. Is there a Dad? Talk to him. Theres no way to force a parent to go to a counselor for help as many dont like to admit they have a problem and with that attitude, all the counseling in the world wont help cus the individual is resistant to help.
So as an adult, all you can do is choose to not spend any time visiting Mom. If you still live at home, again, talk to everyone you know and ask if anyone has a room for you to stay. OFten its cheaper to rent a bedroom in a house than get an apt. to move out but if adult, its not healthy for you to stay there any longer.
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These types of questions are hard to answer especially since you left out some important information. Which one of you is the older sibling? Are you a male or female? What is the age difference between you two? What are your ages?
These questions are important as they give a bit of insight as to where mom is in her thinking. Frankly it is wrong for a parent to favor one child over another. Unfortunately there are parents like this who not only favor one child over another but create competition between them. My own Aunt was like this with my cousins. To this day, since becoming adults and are now in their 70's, they do not talk or see each other. Please try to avoid this as this is not your sisters doing it is all on mom.
The reason for the question on ages has to do with how large the age gap between you is. If it is more than 4 to 6 years it could mean one of you was planned for and the other wasn't. Mom could favor either one depending on her views. This is still wrong but the difference in age and which one she favors would help to explain things. If it helps any I know how you feel. My father was like you mother as he favored my sister. Nothing I did impressed him did he praise me for. I joined the local volunteer fire department. His attitude was, "Your alerting system is waking me up at night, turn it down."
The best advice I can offer you is this. The problem is not you it is mom. Be respectful and do your best to stay out of the line of fire. School is back in session so concentrate on school work. Spend as much time at the library as you can. The more time you are away from her the less time she can get up on you.
One thing; you mentioned mom hits you. This is wrong. Parents should not hit their kids. If they do hit them the only acceptable hit is a proper spanking. A proper spanking is a spanking not a beating. If a parent hits a child with a closed fist or on the head or shoulders they are guilty of child abuse. If mom is hitting you with a closed fist or slapping you in the face then I suggest you talk with a trusted teacher or your school principal about it. They are required to follow up on things like this and mom will be made aware she cannot touch you in this manner.
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