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Super self-conscious
Female, 13 – So I've had glasses for almost all of my life, braces for a long time, & my hair is really poofy and thick and wavy and I am super self-conscious about how I look. I feel like nobody will like me as more than a friend unless I get contacts, my braces get taken off, and I go to a salon to get my hair done. How can I feel more positive about how I look? Thanks for answering! And I'm not trying to make people that have braces, glasses, and/or my kind of hair feel bad about how they look. This is just based on MY appearance.
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It was my 2nd year of HS that I got contact before the start of that year. Before I wore glasses. I wanted people to be able to see my eyes or makeup better and tired of the hassle of rain on glasses or them steaming up. They aren't much different in cost than glasses, so I would talk to the parents and eye doctor and the eye doctor needs to give a slightly different exam for you to get contacts than if getting glasses or can test for both if parents want you to have glasses still for back up, like when your eyes are irritated from hayfever or smoke and wearing contacts only makes that feel worse, then glasses are great until your eyes recover. The braces you can't hurry along but you could check into hair relaxers. Chemicals can be harsh though so if it hurts your scalp too much, you wont want to continually repeat. Using a flat iron to straigten hair will after some time do heat damage to your hair. I know. My niece is mixed race and wants straight hair like Mom and the over use of the flat iron plus relaxers has made her hair more brittle so that instead of really long hair with corkscrew curls, she now has straight hair that keeps breaking off in tiny bits that she hasn't noticed as its gradual. but in a years time she's lost around 4 inches in length just from the treatment of her hair.
So what you might want to do is find out what other styles and cuts are perfect for your hair type and choose from them, even if the one style you want is not included.
I feel it is fine to express ones personal taste in style and hunt around and try different things to see which suits you more.
However, you did title this 'super self conscious' and I want you to know that many teens all feel the same. Its when you have low self esteem, low self confidence which also plagues lots of teens, I was one too at that age, that there is a problem. If using a way of looking to attempt to boost your self confidence and feel accepted, I can let you know now not to waste your time changing you on the outside because self esteem, and confidence can only be fixed on the inside where it first appears from. Basically I had thoughts about myself that were negative or untrue, worries and anxieties about how others would view me or think of me or like, not like me when I had no prior experience to base it on. It was all in my head and I suffered social anxiety. I dont any longer. Cured in my last year of HS and did it all myself. So hon, if this is just about trying styles and also is about your self esteem and such, let me know, I have some things I could share with you.
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Hey slow down. Your 13 and in the process of going from a caterpillar to a Butterfly. Give your body a chance to catch up with your mind. This is what puberty is all about. A positive self-image begins in your mind.
Getting contacts is something you, your parents and your eye doctor all have to be in agreement about. You start by talking with your parents about getting contacts. If they agree the next step is to talk with your eye doctor. Now even if your eye doctor approves bear in mind that contacts are not for everyone. So don't build yourself up to the point it is a big let down if you find the contacts are two irritating to wear.
Going to a salon to get your hair done is not a bad idea as long as mom approves of what you want done. Salon styling is expensive and something I think if you want it bad enough you can save for out of your allowance or babysitting money if you babysit.
As for the braces they will eventually come off and you will have a beautiful smile and a retainer to help keep that smile. To take the braces off before the job is finished would be wrong. Those kids whose parents can afford braces for their children are lucky not all kids that need braces have parents that can afford them. Insurance only covers about half the cost.
As to a positive self-image; this is all up to you. It starts by not listening to anyone about what they think you should look like, especially at your age. Everyone is to into image these days and frankly they end up harming themselves trying to look older or prettier than they are.
There's an old saying about beauty which is that it is only skin deep. This is true. The real you, which from your writing I can tell is a very compassionate loving person lies just below the skin. This is the person you want people to meet and like. Not some painted made up image.
If getting contacts and getting your hair done will help you feel better about yourself then by all means talk to your parents about doing so but stop there and let nature take it's course. Just tell yourself that you are the best person you need to be today and you will be a better person tomorrow.
That is a takeoff on a motto I have used for most of my life to motivate me. I made my living in sales a marketing. Motivation was always a contest to be better than the next guy. I never worried about being better than anyone else. They only one I had to be better than was me. so my motto was; The only person I have to be better than tomorrow is the person I am today.
That motto stood me very well as I was always in the top 1% of sales in my company. You may use that motto if you wish. Never try to be something your not for people will see through it and it is why you will have trouble making friends. Just be yourself.
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