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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

I'm 20 but my mum will still call me 'princess ' and 'honey blossom' in public sat if we're out shopping.

Also she likes me to come home every weekend when I'm at uni and she has to call me at set times during the week which is awkward because often it's on evenings and I have plans to go out or I'll be at a bar when she calls!

She hates me spending much time anywhere else and acts off with me -think she's jealous. She has to know my whereabouts always and suggests curfews saying 'it won't take you and '*friend* 5 hours to look round the shops ' etc.

She even takes time off work to take my sister to job interviews. I love her and really don't want to hurt her but I'm sick of being treated as a child!

I have made steps to progress... when she calls me baby names I'll respond in an adult off sounding way . And I'll rearrange these calls for later in the evening (really I'd rather she never called at all)

What can I do? My dad who lives with us treats me like an adult !

Even if mom is not a controller, she may have long ago decided to not have a life of her own beyond her husband and children and just doing for them and being involved in their lives. However, a person who has done this all her life with you may only begin to look obvious when her children reach adulthood and she is desperately trying to find excuses to still be in your life in the same way. It cant be as you're now an adult and this is the explanation behind having trouble cutting the apron strings. I like the idea of adviceman setting up one day a week to call unless an emergency and remindig her on unneeded calls that you will talk on Sunday or whatever day she chooses that also works for you. I would go a step beyond and suggest you set up regular mother-daughter dates. Of course it has to be when you both have time, don't cater to only what works for her. Make one a trip to a nursery to enjoy the plants when gardens are not in bloom yet, perhaps buy Mom a small plant, or taking her to a tea shop to purchase and sit and enjoy some tea, or lunch out, or even just walking through a mall together or walking in a park and bring along a simple picnic. Mom will have trouble letting go of being in your life all the time and not needed in the same way any more but mother daughter dates could help ease her through the adjust period. Just mention a date with her, set the day and if she wants you to come home weekends or any other time that you and her don't have a date set, then remind her you'll see her Monday night and pick her up for your date night. Let your Dad know of your plans, speaking to him in private so He can also help remind Mom that she has one day a week phone calls and a date night with you and encourage her to wait for those as you are an adult and have your own life.
If Mom doesnt pick up on hints to not use pet names in front of friends, I would tell her something like, " have no idea how else to get it through to you that I expect this little bit of respect from you. If you choose to not give it to me when in public, then I won't give it to you. How would you like it if I introduce you as my old lady, or by making a tease of your name, like what your friends called you growing up, this is Helen the melon, or Ditzy Mitsy, Truly drooly Julie. I have tried everything else and you stil insist on embarassing me in public. I'd hate to give you a taste of what its like but I will if thats the only way to get through to you. I love you but I will fight for the respect due to me as an adult. This is the last time I ask you nicely.

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So I met this amazing guy in June. He's literally everything I want and I fell so hard for him right off the bat. We met at a bar and then he traveled for the rest of the summer so we have been texting ever since. From the start the relationship has been one sided which was usually me reaching out and us having good conversations but him never making an effort. So in September I decided to stop trying and make him come to me.. Then we didn't talk for two straight months and out of a moment of weakness I reached out again. To my surprise ever since we have gotten REALLY close. We unfortunately live in different cities but nothing too major. He's made more of an effort and instead of going from talking every 3-5 days we talked everyday. He still gives me the most mixed feelings. I decided with the help of my friends to stop wasting time, tell him how I feel and see where I stand with him. It was pretty embarrassing.. He was a little rude about it and didn't see how I could have real feelings after we haven't hung out more than once and he couldn't have those feelings.

I decided it's time to move on and didn't reach out. A week passed and he texted me and after a good old time convo he brought it up and wanted to talk about it. He said maybe if we hangout again he could feel that way. I decided i still needed to move on so wasn't going to reach out. He texted me first which is so unlike him for a week straight. We had some good convos and we were closer than ever. Last night he started texting me pictures of a girl he was taking on a date which took me really off guard. He then said "sorry should i not be talking to you about this" and i said no, its a little weird after i recently told you how i felt. He felt really bad. I felt like it was calculated so he could see if i still felt a certain way. I know I am never going to change his mind since he is in med school and will be gone for the next month so we don't have the option to hangout. But I want him so badly. But all my friends say that him sending me those pictures of another girl is really rude.

Can anyone give me an outsiders opinion on what they think he might be feeling/why he would do that/what I should do?

Thanks so so so so so so much (:

I agree wholeheartedly with Missundersmock. The way she addressed each thought of yours is just what I would have written.
So other than this guy who isn't romantically interested in you, I think the basic issue or problem here is that you have a hard time taking No for an answer and believing instead that if you try hard enough, you can change anything about any person including how they feel about you. That IS a problem and if you hold on to this belief in life, you're going to be a very unhappy person. The true fact is that if someome was very willing and ready to change, they might observe and try to copy someone who is a good example to them. But when it comes to anything else, including relationships, most people never change because someone did something to force them or pressure them to change. All humans are more like hobbits and don't like change, prefering that which is familiar even if something better was out there for them.
As far as attraction to others go, initial attraction is more based on looks and what one can observe of a person in public as far as their personality. However this is very surface level and once you get to know a person better thru hanging out or dating you discover if the person is worth making a commitment to or not and if not, breaking up. So what was different if this guy could feel you are not right for him without having the chance to hang out together more? There's one thing I know of and experienced myself when I had dating profiles up...and this thing I speak of is called pheremones. They are invisible but males and females emit them. Those of the opposite sex in the animal kingdom find their mates by this or by mating calls. Humans have pheremones too. We tend to pick up on the pheremones of another subconsciously without really realizing it but it works. If your pheremone pattern is similar to the same as a male, then he will be attracted enough to want to know more about you and he will then want to hang out or date. This isnt a commitment yet but you're at least given a change. Having similar pheremones also makes for a more exciting sex life with sizzle between the two no matter what it is you do. Without, its just routine workings of the sex act and little more and I wouldnt call it making love. My guess is the guy did not feel this kind of pheremone pull towards you. I have been kissed by guys I met who looked sexy, like models, but the kiss felt like having a brother try to give me a romantic kiss....yuck...no sizzle or romance and neither of us felt it. Many humans arent aware of or unable to pick up on this so either you felt a connection to him or you thought there was one on your part. In closing I will share a statement I read in a book somewhere that "Woman sometimes tend to be more in love with the idea of being in love rather than actually being in a relationship where both are in love with each other." From what I've gathered, if the act of being in love is so important, a woman can fool herself into feeling in love with someone she doesnt really know well yet to have really fallen in love with yet. I am just passing on what I've found as perhaps that may have some significance here. Not saying you are so wrong and messed up as we all deserve to find a loving partner. Its just that so many people have no idea how to go about it cus there are right ways and wrong ways. It is a fine art with lots of info to it so its not as simple as seeing a guy and deciding to go chase him and make him yours forever. It doesnt work that way. If it did, dozens of guys could all have the same female cus they all decided to chase her until she submitted to their professing love for her cus she has no choice to reject a person once they have decided they want her. It's something of fairy tales but not reality. If you ever want help in knowing how to do relationships right, start reading. I wish someone had told me this when I was younger before i married the first husband. I went into a relationship not knowing anything and now I hope to help other women avoid amking bad choices in a man due to little or no knowledge of the do's and don't of relationships.
May I suggest you looking up the book "Relationships for Dummies". I saw it a couple days ago at the bookstore and leafed through reading some excepts. What little I read, I agree with. I also like a book called "What Men say, What Women hear" by Linda Papadopoulos. Check with your library or order them at local bookstore if not on the shelves there. Good luck for your future and finding your Mr. Right.

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if i am a belever in god and i want to get saved but life keeps getting harder what do i do ?

Life is hard for the majority of humans on the planet. It is something that we tend to try to avoid, the unpleasant or hurtful parts of life because it doesnt feel good being put under that kind of pressure. Where God comes in, is that He is aware of those pressures, and he loves us but wants our souls to have the best opportunities to become more like Him. And the best way to bring on life lasting change is by going through the harsh pressures of life. This is also how something as beautiful as diamonds are created. At first they are an ugly lump of carbon that formed into diamonds under extreme heat and pressure under the earths crust. Heres a link to read about that if interested.
http://wonderopolis.org/wonder/where-do-diamonds-come-from

So what i am saying it that it is when all the odds are down, life gets difficult and keeps growing harder, adverse conditions are when a person makes the most personal growth and even spiritual growth. Getting saved is not helped or impeded by hardship to my knowledge. The only thing that might hinder a persons desire to get saved might be false or distorted beliefs on the process of, purpose of life. I hear all the time that God doesnt seem to care about us or care if we are being downtrodden, needy, beaten, abused, homeless, have a deadly illness, etc. I was abused in a previous marriage but the situation is what helped me to learn an important truth and make a great personal change in my life and of course i grew spiritually even more in the process. That truth is what God spoke to me and the same applies to every persons bad situations in life. At some point, we are all in a position to do something about it. Kids have hardship and abuse too but their chance to seek healing and a better life and forgiveness and move on is when they are adult too. So heres the false belief first. I was told in church to trust God to heal my marriage. So I endured abuse for 30 years before I finally heard God explain when I asked why it was taking so long. Heres the truth we forget. He said, I gave everyone a free will to do as they wish. Some do good and some do bad or very bad. Now if I were to step in and change your husband instantly like with a magic wand into a perfect husband, that means I just overruled his free choice. I don't give free choose only to those who seem to be doing good and take it away from those who don't. If I take it away, its in effect turning a person into a puppet or robot with no choice of its own but to obey my will. I dont want robots, I want children who choose to love me and all the other souls I've created which is in essense their spiritual family being that all the souls came from the same source as you did. God then said, the decision was mine whether to stay with the man and choose to continue to be treated so or to leave. My reason for not leaving sooner was that when I checked around, i found I couldnt afford to live on my own with the house or just moving out and getting an apt after a divorce. Financial reasons are what keep most people in an unhealthy situation. SO my situation had to get so bad that I had all sorts of stress related illlnesses and increasing bad treatment that I couldnt take anymore and I left him, going to stay with some friends who offered a room but I had to ask coworkers and friend first, telling my situation and how I needed a place to live for cheap. I found the strength to leave him, despite financial concerns but was tested much later by finding a boyfriend who shared an apt with me and ended up as bad as the ex. I needed my own place but couldnt afford it on my own but I also decided once I saw the bad treatment coming out to tell him I wont allow that. He left angry, waiting for me to kiss up to him but I didnt and lost the place which was a scary time for me. However, when I realized I was a stronger person who would no longer allow any guy to treat me that way, a good man finally came my way. I met a lot more losers before the guy I am now married to but I was not going to settle for less and once we learn an important lesson in life, we no longer have to repeat the same situation and move on to the next one. Thats what life is about, earth is our school and we learn lessons here and are not passed on to the next grade or lesson as some schools do now a days but repeat our painful lessons until we have learned and responded properly. Right now we are both homeless due to an accident he had a year ago and yet we couldn't be happier, living in our van. I work part time, enough to put in gas and get the items we need that food stamps dont cover and use internet at various places so I can sit here and try to help advice others. I am not trying to ignore or forget my situation but in the process am finding out some real needs out there and how so many homeless are not all drug addicts or people who gave up on regular life but good upstanding citizens who through a bad string of luck, injury and or loss of a job lands them homeless. Instead of moping around, we do what we can to help others even in our position and it isnt always financial. We have given meals to the hungry instead of money from what we've purchased or pointed them in the direction of free community meals in the area and churches that help with other things. A former business owner now homeless has the ear of churches in the area as to what the real needs are and how easy it would be to implement as most of the city funded set ups dont help which is something I wouldnt have known unless I was in this position. Now I do and I believe both of us have things to learn here before we are allowed out of this situation to move on, and so we are content, but vigilent to observe and learn all we can and choose to not fight against what can at times be wearying and at times bring me to tears of frustration but not often. Most the time, We are upbeat and happy to be alive and know there's a great purpose for us here on earth as we go thru each learning stage.

You didn't say what your life issues were so I may be off base but I hoped I guessed right and this gives you some hope to carry on.

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I have bad anxiety and I put a blog explaining why anxiety made me leave school so that people wouldn't ask questions, a few weeks later a guy I've been friends with for years but grown apart from came to me saying he has depression. I didn't think anything of it until he came to me everyday saying he wanted to kill himself, and then came to me with a knife saying he didn't dare cut himself so wanted me to do it, and asked for tips on the best way to do it. Ever since then I haven't wasted my breath on him, just listened. Nothing he says ever adds up: he was taking 20 anti-depressants a day, he said his doctor diagnosed him with depression and then told him that he was wrong and then re-diagnosed him and then told him it wasn't, he said that his counsellor said that it sounds like has bipolar, depression, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease and anxiety. This all seems like such rubbish, and I don't want to waste my time on an attention seeker, because it made my anxiety worse at one point that I couldn't help him. He constantly says that he would rather have social anxiety, agoraphobia and panic attacks like me than have bipolar like him, saying that I have it easier than him.

Is there a way I can find out if he is lying or attention seeking? If I stop going out for walks with him then I'll never leave my house, making me worse. I don't know what to do.

Being that hes 17, I am guessing you must be about the same age or younger, basically under 18. If so, you're still under the care of your parents so as Razhie said, I would tell my parents what he's been doing. If there is any tiny bit of truth in what he says, he needs to be seeing a Dr. As adviceman said, if he were really taking 20 anti depressants a day, he'd likely be dead. All Drs warn not to take more than a prescribed dose because it can have terrible effects like instant death at the worst, or conditions that lead to death. So only a Dr. wanting to lose their license to practice medicine would tell a patient to take 20 antidepressants a day...cus thats misuse of a medication and yes, the other diseases are found in older people. Some of those symptoms have shown up as I've read in areas of smaller towns reliant on well water and runoff from farming toxins got into the water and reports have pointed at testing being done when a great majority of residents began to all display Parkinsons symptoms, although it was all adults, no teens or kids and all i remember is it was somewhere in California. So he is having definate issues if asking you to cut him and he needs help but going to anyone other than a professional means he is not going to get proper help.
As stated, the only person you are responsible to look after the welfare of is you. If avoiding school is helping you with anxieties and you are okay with being house bound then you don't need to change anything. If its not working for you then something needs to change for you. When you are ready to seek out something that can help make you anxiety free and work on getting out of depression, you will be ready to check out anything that claims to do so that you haven't yet tried. If you see a Dr. and they haven't help, I can share about a type of Psychologist who most likely can, it really depends on what methods the Dr. uses. If they only know medication and no other therapys, then when you are ready, ask me. I used to be socially anxious, extremely so and remember being like that as far back as I can remember, even before school age. I was tired of it by time I was 17 and wanted to be normal and sought a lasting answer. I know you only wanted to know if we thought he was attention seeking but you didn't ask for how you could avoid getting worse and in fact get better. So I am willing to give you some hope there since you likely didn't ask cus you feel this is something you will be stuck with the rest of your life. I am proof, anxieties can disappear forever without medication. Yes, I also think he's seeking attention but likely due to having depression or whatever other issues he has.

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so I just want some understanding is it possible that the mother of my kids. mother put me on child support even tho I support my kids an I'm always there for them she wants to put me on child support cause I don't help out with the pregnancy bills but the job I have cant afford them an only have money for my kids an my bills. I live in Alabama I don't see why she think she can put me on child support when 1.i have no kids by you

Advice man is correct. But I am a bit confused when the first sentence mentions the mother of my kids and the last says "why she thinks she can put me on child support wen I have no kids by her." You put you but i think you meant her.

So am I to guess that she had kids by someone else when you came along and got into relationship with her? You were willing to take on the kids and help raise them until for whatever reason the two of you parted. That you are saying you never got her pregnant and she never bore you children that were biologically yours? IF this is the case, she has no legal support to come after you. If you were simply being a nice guy and deciding of your own free will to help her with funds for her kids, thats your decision and you can cut that off too if they are not biologically yours and you never signed any legal documents that you were of your own free will taking on the financial responsibilty for those kids. If she is claiming the child she is carry or just had is yours, a paternity test can be done, even before the baby is born. If you got her pregnant before leaving her, then only the baby would be your responsibility to pay child support and you'd have to ask a lawyer about pregnancy related Dr. bills. But if her older kids are not yours, even if she had 5 or 8 kids all by different Daddys, you are only responsible for your own. If a man isn't working, its impossible to garnish wages to get child support and some women had to do without cus the guy was unemployed, or in prison. I have known several women who had 3 or 4 kids and each one had a different Dad. So its not uncommon a thing but such a woman can't force a man to pay support on 3 or 4 if only one is his and not being able to find the guy or him not having a job, in prison or ex con, was the main reasons why they weren't getting child support on the rest and hoping some nice guy would pay up for all by his choice. When couples part, that messes up the nice guy paying for all plan so I can see a gal trying to see if she can threaten child support if you don't voluntarily pay but I advise you to check with a lawyer on the latest law changes if any and not pay a penny on pregnancy costs until she goes to a Dr. of your choosing or of your lawyers choosing so you can trust the results she has that may say its yours are not a lie and favor done for her by an unscrupulous Dr who could be bought to lie. Good luck.

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In a few days I have to see an old friend who I've been crazy about for years but we never ended up being a thing. I've gone about a year now since seeing him last and have become a new person and don't want to fall back into the sense of admiration and respect and I used to have for him. He's overall a nice guy and a really good friend but also kind of an asshole and I'm SURE I still have feelings for him and they will all come rushing back once I see him and I'll be back to square one, trapped in this unrequited love I dealt with for years. I'm DREADING seeing him.

I just got out of another situation in which I experienced heartache with this other sleaze ball and I just feel really delicate and insecure and like this feeling is never going to end. Ugh what should I do to deal with this mentally?

I feel the same as Missundersmock, there's no need to see him, especially if you consider him to be an asshole, whether he is or isn't. If it is someone that has some darker points to his personality and character, then why give him even one casual meet up? You did say I have to see an old friend. Have to means it is something entirely outside of your ability to control. I highly doubt there is a situation where you "have" to see him. And knowing your weakness for his good points that might draw you back into a relationship with him is good enough reason on its own to avoid seeing him. Also being fresh out of another relationship that ended bad means you're still emotionally hurting and probably vulnerable into being snookered into a bad relationship again because you are thinking with your feelings and your subconscious mind rather than with your awake and logical mind. When feelings rule, you are in a position of being easily led off course and not making the best decision about who to date. Women often find their self worth in having someone to date, that illusionary feeling that having a boyfriend means you have some worth as a person. Unfortunately, just any random body in your life can not make you feel whole and complete. The idea is to become a whole person first, and find a man who is also a whole person and also to have a clearer idea of who you really are as a person ( like trying to sell yourself at a job interview). Its also what I had to put down when describing myself for a dating site. Its how I found my 2nd husband. What they dont have is a spot labeled, "What I am looking for" but I used any spot that would allow my to write as long a description as I wanted. And I put down "Criteria for you to be able to meet to contact me". It was my very detailed list of what I was looking for and I was picky because of a bad past marriage. I can go more into detail on this, healing from a bad past experience first, then how to boost your self esteem and confidence and how to make a list of who would make a Mr Right for you and if you want, some of the negative traits you are wanting to avoid in the next guy and how to recognize them early. Most people act their best and or put on a false persona at first and later let their real self show, so dont critisize yourself for being initially unable to see something bad in a person but after a couple of dates or a couple months, is when a person usually lets their real self sneak out occasionally or fully. I would be glad to work with you more if you want to feel a hope for the future in finding a better man and some of it includes what you can learn and how you can change and its mostly all thought related. So let me know and avoid meeting that guy honey cus I dont want to have to say later, I told you so. LOL

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I'm not totally sure if this is in the right category, but here goes....oh and btw I am 17/F
I often find myself starting to cry at times when logically I shouldn't be crying. It's not like I'm crying out of the blue randomly, but in situations that should not be upsetting enough to make me cry. For example, a few weeks ago at work, I was told I had to do an online training thing. I sat down to start it, and then my supervisor told me that I actually wouldn't have enough time to do it and I would have to do it the next time I came in to work. It wasn't really a big deal, but I started crying, and every time I looked at my supervisor or thought about it for the next hour, I started crying again.

I also often have difficulty stopping crying. Something will happen, maybe worth crying for, maybe not, but I will cry, and then every time I think of it or see the people involved I will start up again, and this often continues for an hour or more.

This doesn't happen a lot, but often enough that it can be embarrassing, particularly if it happens at work or school.

Any advice on how to prevent myself from crying and/or stop crying once I have started?

Hon, I got this emotional when going thru puberty, and the effects on ones emotions doesnt last just when you start but for most the teen years, trust me, I had all daughters. Anger is another possible reaction to the hormones of puberty. If the hormones are not in balance, too high or too low, one of the problems is uncontrollable crying for no good reason with the continued after effect of a fresh burst of tears every time you think about the thing that made you cry. I am going through the same thing now on the other end, at menopause. Although my cycle has ended, as well as most symptoms of menopause, the emotions still come and go. I ran out of hormone supplement cream and let a good long time go by and wasn't having any symptoms, not even crying. But for some reason in the last couple months, I have found myself crying for the silliest things and it really bothers me to feel so out of control of my emotions, not having a choice to be able to control them. Then I remembered my hormone cream and bought some more. Two days of taking it and I already noticed a big difference. I likely will need to keep taking it, not for other symptoms that are long gone but for the leveling out of emotions. I would suggest you go see the doctor and have them test your hormone levels. If not okay, they can recommend a medication just for the next few years until your hormones level out on their own. If the hormone levels are okay, then perhaps you are feeling some depression, nothing real heavy but enough to make you cry but not recognize that you are beginning to become depressed. Or as already mentioned, you could be a very emotional person. One of my daughters is, the touchy feely type of personality so often things hit harder for her and she takes some light minor stuff really to heart. However, if something is too much for her emotions at the time, she avoids it and is fine. I haven't noticed her not being able to stop crying or prevent from crying over things that dont warrant a tearful response. So my bet is the first thing I mentioned as the most strong possibily. And a Dr. can help with number 1 or 2 to get you back on the right track.

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i´m a girl, 3rd year in high school, I really like my classmate..but he has a gf,,,his girlfriend lives in a different city so they have longe distance relationship..even though he has a gf I want to tell him how i feel but my twin brother (we are in same class) is his best friend..so if i told my crush i like him he would probably told my brother..i dont know why but my crush always says hi to girls in my class even to ugly ones and when i ask something my brother he says to me something that he would never say to any girl in class..is he just picking me up?..could he like me even he isnt single ?..should i tell him how i feel?...please help me

You say he is kind and pays attention to every female in the class by greeting them. And you want to know if it means he is trying to pick you up? How about you. Do you say Hi to every guy in class just to be friendly, even the ugly ones. Or imagine yourself doing this and ask yourself if it means that you are trying to pick up each one of those guys you say Hi to. I think You'll realize now that the answer is No, he's not trying to get you as a girlfriend and this was more just wishful thinking on your part.
Lets go over how relationships start and progress to help you decide what to do and when.
Either just one or two people notice each other and feel very interested at the surface level of what they see in the other and that makes them want to hang around with the other to get to knnow them better. This stage of getting to know the other person better is to see if this is a person you want to be long term in relationship with. This is not a commitment to become an official couple. You can consider yourself dating partner or having made the minor commitment to be boyfriend and girlfriend while dating. At the point you have learned enough to know whether you want to stay with the person long term or not, you either break up or go for a commitment of a sort. At your age of course, this isnt the ultimate commitment of marriage yet. But how you learn to evaluate a persons character will be the same and keep getting better hopefully with each person you date. At the time, only the one seems special and you can't imagine there;ll be anyone else ever but we dont decide which icecream flavor is our favorite by only trying one flavor. So in relationships, we learn a little more with each one. There is no reason why you can not date him at 16 unless your parents have some rules for you to meet. It is normal to begin at this age with dating to begin to learn and of course the learning experience is so much more fun if its someone you're initially attracted to.
If I were you, I'd ask my twin bro first what he thinks of his friend in general as a person. And let him know you are asking because you think you might be interested in him, but you're not sure yet. This is a safe way to start talking about it and get the best info you can from someone who knows the guy well. YOur brother can't tell him you like him cus you didn't say that. YOu've just observed him as he interacts with your brother and think you might like him which is actually the truth. It is attraction you feel but the real liking of a person you wouldn't be able to tell until you get a chance to hang out together with him. Make this clear to your brother. While it may feel odd to him to have a sister possibly become romantic with his best friend, theres nothing really wrong with that and he's likely to not encourage you to date a guy who is a real jerk, even though of course it's still your choice. This guy sounds much like my husband. Females are like cats, loving to be stroked or more to the point, their emotional needs recognized and stroked. So the cashier at the grocery is told He really likes her necklace, he speaks politely to and compliments women all the time, greeting them in a formal way of years gone by like "Thank you my Lady". And it is interesting as his wife to watch them all glow and smile. It is very rare that I see a woman look nervously at me and wonder if he's hitting on her in front of me. I have seen that response and have to stifle giggles. He is sincere and most woman realize he is being nice and friendly and not hitting on them. I guess some of this ability comes with age and experience, something you will begin to feel with your female intuition. So I would confide in your brother and ask if he doesnt mind the idea of you hanging out with his friend and seeing if the two of you get along too. Would it bother him if something happened like the two of you starting to date. Then give him some time to think about it and get used to the idea you put in his mind, about a week. After that, bring it up to him that you are going to talk to his friend. If he doesnt have any cautions or warning for you as to what to look out for, rumors he's heard, then go ahead and let the guy know you've have enough time to watch him in class and interacting with your brother and you're becoming very interested in him and would like to spend some time hanging out with him. If you have anything in particular that you want to mention that you have observed him do that you like, nows a good time to mention it. Like, "I like how you treat all the females in class in a friendly and respectful manner. From hearing you with my brother, I have to say I also like your sense of humor. Stuff like that helps to let him know you really are interested. And we want to hang out around people who appreciate us and compliment us.

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Hi i'm 16 years old and i am from the Philippines but i live in Holland. I really like this boy and i want to ask if i should confess to him. I like him for about 5 years and i just can't my hide my feelings anymore it's like mmy heart is going to explode. I can't talk to him privately because he is always with his friends. Please gelp me!!! (Sorry fpr my bad English)

Lets turn the situation around and lets say that a boy you've known for 5 years comes up to you one day and confesses to you that he really likes you. You are going to react one of two ways. If you like him too, you'd say I like you too. If you don't like him in a romantic way, wouldn't you feel awkward and bad at having to say "I don't like you that way." His feelings will be hurt. So if you blurted this out to him, and he didnt feel the same way, you put him in that awkward spot and you will feel really hurt to be turned down. Sometimes that is the case in real life. It happens to all people of all different ages. The best thing would be to ask to hang out together as friends. Start at the friendship level (for his sake, even tho you are already interested in him). This is more easy and natural for a guy and gives him a chance to really get to know more about you other than what you look like, but your traits, character and personality. Those are the things that really make a difference when wise people are choosing who to date or befriend or marry. I don't know if there are personal lockers in school with air vents you can toss a note into, but thats what my friends did when we were this age. There has to be a time when he isn't standing talking to friends but traveling between classes or some such thing. Have a prepared note on you and tap him on the arm as you walk by, saying read this please and hand him the note. The note should say something like, Hi, I'm Lina in case you don't know. I have been aware of you for some time and am interested in hanging out together and being friends. I didnt want to ask in front of your friends since I dont want to embarass you. If interested, here is my phone number, to give me a call. " Or if you are on any social media online that is popular in Holland with the teens, put any of yours in that note too. This seems to be the way most teens feel comfortable starting to interact with someone they like.

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Ok so 24/female. Through a series of fortunate events in my life I ended up with exactly the life that I wanted, except nothing is exactly the way you imagine it to be and I am in a really strange situation that I'm not sure what to do about.

You see I am in a foreign country working my dream job, but I am stuck. I live here with my best friend who is a guy, in an apartment of the company I work for . We work together and for the moment we are in a city where we have to live where we do. This situation has been like this for a year now, where I have to live with this guy because of work situation in different cities even around the world. The problem is that we fell in love in the past year and it's really messy.

Partly messy because we work together partly because he's also 24 and not ready to commit.

He is a soul mate, for sure. And us living together has been amazing. But a roller coaster. Sometimes it's good other times he pulls away and says he isn't ready to be with someone for the rest of his life. He says he knows he loves me and that what we have is the weirdest, closest thing he's ever been to divine love, but he can't trust himself just yet and he hopes that one day he will be the man I deserve. He wants to be 24 and go and do and be. He talks to other girls. Problem is we've both tried to stop, since I'm not ok with that I am a girl that is always used to being with one person at a time. But it's literally a dance of will back and forth between us and we always end up back together again. Wether we try to separate because we have to live together we always end up back in love or one of us seeking the other.

My question is that I know for my own respect I have to say no. If he's not ready to be with me I shouldn't be with him. And even though he's come a long way from when we met, I still see that he's 24. He isn't ready. As many times as he comes back to me saying he loves me I know he's not ready.

Now the logical solution is move out, but that's not an option for me at the moment as I love my job and this is what it has to be for now.

So my question is if I can't leave and we failed more than 6 times at separating and just being friends, and I know he's not ready to be serious with someone, and it's hard for me to be with someone like that, what the heck can I do in this situation??? It's the most confusing relationship I've ever been in. Help???

I also dont understand why a company would put a male and female employee together as roommates. Why not tell your employer to begin looking for a female roommate for you as the two of you don't get along. They dont need to hear all the drama of how you feel for each other and have tried to break up. If they can not do that right away or in the near future, perhaps you can look elsewhere for a person not working in that company but who is employed elsewhere and is looking for a roommate. Put an ad out if this is what you want to do.
You may need some time to clear your head and work on yourself. Females who do not feel complete unless there is a man in their life often end up in rocky relationships. It may not have anything to do with the man. He may be a wonderful guy but having a female whose entire life purpose depends on having him in her life can tend to feel a bit suffocating. Such females can come across unknowingly as needy too and this can drive guys away or from proceeding from dating to courting to wanting to marry. Dating and seeing a person is for the purpose of finding out enough about the other to decide if they are going to make the best partner to marry, and are right for you. Once that has been determined, if right for each other, the next step is a commitment to be together always and that can include marriage. Or if not right for each other or one is not right or not ready, then its not happening, you're at a dead end with that one and need to move on to another person if looking for your life partner and soul mate. I suppose its possible to live with him but will feel awkward once you've met another guy and have feelings for the other and want to bring him to your place for a visit. But that would be worst case scenerio.

If you want a guy who is right for you, then you need to be looking at men who are dating for the reason of meeting a female to fall in love with and marry. At close to 50, I got divorced and when I met my now 2nd husband thru a dating site, it didn't take him long at all to ask me to marry him. So once you've got your living situation fixed, then I suggest studying all you can about relationships such as the link to a downloadable book I am posting and make yourself a list of what you really must have in a relationship. The book, relationships for dummies does go over the very very basics of what should be on your list but I also had things that would be deal breakers for me like the man being a smoker since I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. For a younger woman, a deal breaker may be wanting a child but the guy doesnt want children at all ever and marrying and hoping the person with change their mind is a crazy thing to do as it likely wont happen and not you're unhappily married. So really give it thought, who you are looking for so you can recognize the guy when you meet him instead of grabbing and latching on to the next warm body that will give you the time of day just to have someone. Its okay to be alone, better than devoting time from your life to someone who doesn't appreciate you or want you enough to marry you.

http://www.ebooksdownloads.xyz/search/relationships-for-dummies

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What do I do if my friends make fun of me for being late in puberty

My guess is you see this as a problem rather than okay and normal. As you've heard already, others had to go to some kind of teasing too. The first ones to develop got teased, those with bigger or smaller parts were teased. Everyone is different and in the end, we are all the same so how fast or slow one gets there is irrelevant.

People only tease if there is a pay off, if you respond with sadness, anger, pouting, defending yourself, asking them to stop, etc.
The best thing is to not give them the response they are looking for. So instead of feeling hurt for being teased, join them and make jokes about it yourself. I used to be extremely socially anxietous or shy. I can relate to how it feels. ONce I was cured of my anxieties among other things, I gained the confidence to not let what others think or say, bother me and often it involved facing that which was uncomfortable by speaking up first and joking about myself, in my case it was wearing glasses and my last name that got me teased. Lets say the last name is Odermun and they laugh and tease uh oh, heres comes the Odor man and you could say, yep thats right and I brought clothes pins for you to wear on your noses when around me. I might have the Odor but you'll all be looking silly. The way you say it, lighthearted and with a smile shows your not serious. I am in my fifties and working part time in fast food place and a new manager in training caught me in the break area and point blank said, You're fired. I replied back with a smile, "Oh Goody! like I was offered a raise instead. She started and her eyes grew round, "What do you mean by "Oh Goody"? I said, "You weren't expecting that answer, were you, that why I gave it, same as the reason why you said what you did, cus I wasn't expecting to hear that." She then grinned at me. I had a hard time telling when someone was trying to be mean or just friends doing friendly teasing. NOw I have learned that teasing from FRIENDS is Because they care about you. If they didnt like you, they wouldn't as friends take the time to bother. THeres a chance they with their little knowledge are worried or concerned for you but dont know what to say so they tease instead to cover up not knowing what else to say. Its not often a teen will say, Hey Joanie/Jake does it bother you that you haven't gone started puberty yet? Have you looked up online about it to see if its something to be worried about or not. No, young kids dont think of that kind of thing to say, so its teasing. Work on how you personally view teasing. And the moment embarassed thoughts fill your mind, remind yourself that you are normal just later and later doesnt make a person abnormal so theres no need to be feeling bad. So why not have some fun and join the teasing.

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Ok so my bf is 20 and I'm 19.
He said that he was a Virgin and I was a virgin.
But he tells me about his ex's and he was engaged to her at the same time as me but she is all the way in new York and he broke up with her for me which I'm living with him now.
I am worried that he still has feelings for her.
I also know its wrong but I looked were he talked to his brother in law and it stated that she was going to be using condoms with him to be "safe".
I have also caught him looking at porn flaming that he was getting ideas for us.
I need help because he is getting married to me and going to have a baby boy with me.

So you caught him in a lie. If you do not want a marriage partner who lies, then don't get married to him. If u want to wait to see if his character improves as he grows older since he's only 20, then wait until at least mid 20s or late 20s to see what he is like and then decide whether to marry or not. As for porn watching, I do not see it as a crime or harmful to a relationship as long as the partner is getting all of their sexual needs met first in a very satisfactory manner. Then watching porn does not interfere. Sometimes, one partner has a higher libido than the other so this is a good release valve. As for attempting to learn about sex more and how to please a woman, porn is one of the worst places to look to actually learn anything. It contains nothing more than the basics he already knows of what part goes where but often theres little base in reality such a the porn male removing his penis from her anus to stick it straight into the vagina. Thats the fastest way to getting a vaginal infection that there is so in reality, that is a porn may be popular to watch but is not at all practical in real life. I recommend finding books on how to please ones sexual partner, including safety, birth control, disease control, etc. I married at 20 thinking I was mature and grown up. I didnt know that I was too young and innocent without any real life experience so I was unable to catch some obvious warning signs, not recognizing them for what they were. I can see them easily now but that costed me 30 yrs of marriage to an abusive man. Theres nothing wrong with a long engagement if you want to wait a couple of years. Especially if you worry that he has feelings for someone in his past. Without trust, a marriage will be doomed. trust takes time to build, not weeks or months but longer. Depends on how much time you spend together and the quality of the time, such as lots of in depth talking and getting to know his core beliefs as a man, a family member, and as a potential mate.

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I left my home to study abroad and i began to work at some restaurant as a waitress, i met to those amazing people they become my friends,one day this guy enter and ordered coffee so he began to talk to me he was tall super hunk, and said directly to me that he likes me bla bla..his name is Hamouda .I came out of a serious complicated relationship with a married man whose wife is pregnant now, and of course the fact that i was married once and all the complication of that situation because its hard to have a divorce now specially in my country ,,so as you see i never had the right one or maybe im the problem dont know ..anyways this guy for a while began to come to the restaurant with his friends just to see me,my coworkers and i become really close to this group, so we were together the whole time my worktime they were in the rest. and after that we use to hang out pubs bars and stuff everything we use to do it together, then at the summer break when i went to my family which i stayed over two month after i came back we were more close than we use to be,so his friend aka his best friend his name was fadi he had a thing with my best friend that also works with me so he was in depression and didnt want to hang out with us anymore so i talked to him if the reason was anna and so on, if theres anything i can help you with im ready,,so he bagan to tell me that he has a problem that he cant tell anyone if he came to come clear hes gonna lose his friends specially hamouda and anna and hes gonna tell me after he leaves this place so after talk and talk it turned out hes in love with me.. i was so fuckin surprised and shocked reallyyyy,,imagine he use to help his friend hamouda in everyway to reach me but of course no luck i mean he even use to talk to me in the name of hamouda ,,anyway i dont know what happened but i use to feel something towards this guy (Fadi) maybe it was because of his sacrifice ,but i didnt do anything because of my friend anna and of course hamouda ,he said just leave it to me and we're gonna work something out so after awhile without details we got together ,anna completely understood us maybe because their relation wasnt that real ,,but Hamouda he lost him they got into a big fight and there not talking to each other anymore,,so nowww we're together for exactly two month ,it was really good at first but now hes like hes not there anymore he doesnt care he's careless its like i dont know him at all ,hes going to his country for two month and im thinking what has changed he did all that to get me he even fought with his best friend and now this!!it can't be ,,something is wrong,i dont feel his presence at all,maybe this two month that he'll be away gonna change something but i doubt it ,,should i take a break or something i told him many times that he's careless he told me hes gonna change but nothing...what should i do??

The easy answer is that life is short so it makes sense to make the best of it and that includes what is best for you. So when it comes to relationships, it is important to have a list of what you want in a partner and know how to recognize that which you don't like and get good at seeing it sooner so you don't waster any longer than you have to to get to know if a man is right for you or not. This doesnt take long, usually a couple of dates or 2 or 3 months tops. People often pretend to be someone they aren't, hide their bad traits, or act totally different than their real self. The energy it takes to keep a false personality going is great so all people eventually start to let their real self show through. So it sounds about right that after 2 months you saw something in him you don't like.

Another thing about some men is that they are more interested in the chase than the woman. So once they think they've caught the interest or love of a woman, they lose interest in her. That is something you cannot fix and is a warped choice on the part of those males. So as to what to do? Each person you date should not be settling for the same or settling for less but always finding a guy who is a lot better than the last one. So it comes back to that list, what is it that you are looking for in a man and another good list is, who and what am I and what do I have to offer a relationship...its like people selling themselves via a resume for a job position. YOu state who you are, your traits and the hiring manager looks at their list of what they need in skills for an employee and decide whether you meet it or not. So start writing.

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I don't understand what the definition of a car is.

Here is dictionary definition of car.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/car

I assume you live in a part of the world that has cars, no matter how few they may be. So you know what one looks like and may have ridden in one. But if you need a definition, a dictionary online is an easy way to get the best definition since it is not just cars that are personal transporting vehicles for humans, but public also such as the individual cars on a train or even the part of the elevator you ride in is called a car as you'll see by the dictionary definition.

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im hoping someday to live in a city where no marriages are legal neither gay nor straight becuase im fed up with other people getting married or dating for that matter im sick of it and im posting this to Dragonflymagic and you if get this in your advice column can you please post me links to cities that do not allow marriages .

I get no hits when putting in web search for cities in the US and countries in the world where heterosexual marriage is banned. There are still lots of places where both are banned but I did not find one single place listed that bans both.

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I'm 25, boyfriend is 23. My past relationship didn't end well, he lied to me about talking to another girl and ended up breaking up with me and dating that new girl right away. Our trust was broken. And now that I'm in a new relationship I feel as though this has become a problem for me.

When my now boyfriend first started seeing each other (not officially) he would always tell me that I was the only girl in his life and the only girl he talked to but I found out he was texting another girl as well. He did not hang out with her though. I couldn't really be that mad becuase we weren't exclusive at this point. But I was still weary. We talked about it and moved on from that. Well he still keeps in contact with his ex because they share a dog together. His ex would text him about random things before, not even about the dog. He said he told her to only contact him about the dog. If he really did tell her, I don't know I can only take his word for it. But every time he gets a text I feel like its his ex saying who knows what. It makes me worried. He said I have nothing to worry about. Last night she texted him saying I'm sure you're with Megan (me) but can you watch Max (their dog) tomorrow? He told me he texted her and showed me the text and I said why does she have to say "I'm sure you're with..." He laughed and said I dont know.

How can I get over this insecurity? My past realationship really messed with my trust and has given me a lot of issues :/ I don't want it to ruin my current relationship. My boyfriend knows I have these issues.

What you lack is not just trust, but self confidence and like me at that age, you probably still question yourself on your ability to find a good guy and see the warning signs before getting too far into the relationship. If you dont know what to look for, its hard.
So I understand why you might worry about this gal texting. What he is doing right is being open with you when she texts and lets you see the text sometimes and that shows he has nothing to hide. A guy who is hiding something wouldn't even let you know she does contact him.
As to sharing a dog, well lots of people see pets as members of the family on the same level of importance as if they had kids together. My new husband has a daughter with his ex who is an orphan with no family of her own and no contact with adoptive family. At this point, the daughter who decided to go with him after they split, is an adult. But he cares about the womans welfare as family, even tho not married. If he didn't care about helping to lend support via the phone when she calls about the latest thing she's sad or freaked out about, then he wouldn't be the kind of caring supportive man I chose to marry. You don't just cut off relationships like loping limbs off a tree. His willingness to share custody of the dog, help her out watching it, just goes to show something of the good character of the man. You are right that in time, your not trusting him could hurt or ruin your relationship. He has lots of patience and seems understanding but every person has their own limit of how much they can take of certain things and lack of trust is one of them. Trust shouldnt be based on a past relationship but just on the one man you're with. I had a verbally abusive man in first marriage so in my late forties, when divorced and looking for a new partner, I had to heal first and then I had to be sure of what I was looking for in a guy. If not sure, how will you know when you find it, right? I had a list of criteria the guy had to meet. In his first email via a dating site, he said all the things I needed to hear, stuff not one other guy ever came close to writing as their statement of how they live their life as a male. He saida females only role is one of being creative and that his role as a Male was to be the catakyst of what the female creates, and to support, strengthen and uphold what she brings forth. He can be irritated or sad or stressed just like any person but he has not raised his voice to me or argued or ridiculed me. As time went on, I saw that his behavior was consistant to what he says he believes and the role he says he is serious about as a male. You need to be looking for the same consistencies to know he is who he says he is and that you can trust him.
All females have the same equipment sexually, just different sizes, colors and if a female believed that another pretty woman with the same looks or better in her estimation , could easily lure away her man, then he is only interested in beauty skin deep. The man who is interested in who you are on the inside as well is possible to find. Who you are inside is what makes you unique from any other female, including how you treat him. It it this which will endear you to a male so that even if a female flirted with him or asked him to spend the night with her, He would turn her down nicely so as not to crush her self confidence but let her know that you are the only one for him so he has no interest in anyone else. So perhaps some books on gaining self confidence will help you. Today I saw a book at a store called Relationships for dummies which goes over every possible situation that is part of and can affect a relationship. I think it a wise thing to self teach as theres no such thing as a class called Relationships 101. Work on yourself and all should work well for you and him.

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In the beginning of meeting my roommates I liked them but then I began to distant myself when I heard one of them talking about me. That day I became distant and was never the same towards any of them. Well, fast forward it time to leave for break and everyone making plans to hang except me. But, the weird thing is I had dinner with my roommates and their friends, it was just weird and I just felt like I didn't fit. It is not like they never tried to befriend it's just I'm not use to being around people all the time. At home, I don't have a social life but my roommates do. I feel left out because I am not included but when I am included I just feel weird. I am not use to being around a ton of people. I prefer a small circle. What should I do? I also avoid them because everyone is clicking but me. I having thoughts like why don't I have many friends? What's wrong with me? But, then I don't want a ton of friends but I want to have a couple of friends. It so hard, I am sort of alone here.

Since you have the problem no matter what the circumstances, or situation in which you find yourself, I would at least venture to say that the issues or problems lie with you. And it seems you aer unaware as to what it is you do or dont do that contribute to not connecting with people. In personality seminars I took oncce long ago I discovered that 80 to 90% of people are approachable and friendly. Those who are loners or wish to be left alone and are not friendly are very few. However of the greater % of friendly people, again a good majority do not reach out or make first contact or chat with a stranger but open up and are nice and chatty once someone else starts. It could be that this is part of the issue. I dont know you so I cant really tell. Asking your family for helpful insight may not work as they are so used to you they may not see it either but its worth a try. If people knew you want some constructive criticism, then some may open up and share what they see or have an issue with. If many answer with the same topic over and over, then you might have a clue where to start working on it. But I would still suggest seeing a professional counselor who can help you with relating to people and finding why you feel you dont fit or feel no connecting to others. It could be as simple as distorted thinking which is easy to resolve. You did say you distanced yourself after hearing them talk about you. I used to have great social anxiety so if someone was talking and I wasn't a part of the conversation, or someone looked at me before talking to their friend, I always assumed the worst. I felt no one liked me and all were critizing behind my back, etc. Those are distorted thoughts and that process leads to one taking the kind of action you did, such as distancing yourself. It is fine to prefer a small circle of friends, thats part of your unique personality, and I am much the same still even though I learned to become social and be able to interact with whomever I wish to. I am not a doctor so I can;t help you with the process but I do suggest you seek out a professional trained in CBT, cognitive behavioral therapy. I hope this will help you. Good luck.

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Hello, thanks for considering my question.

I have nearly finished Secondary School but lately I have been finding myself BORED. I am tired everyday and just look forward until the end of school and I know this attitude is bad to have. I have been feeling really weird lately; tired, hungry but not hungry at the same time, a rollercoaster of emotions and a lack of enthusiasm. I have been sleeping a lot more than usual and my body for the past few weeks has been feeling low. My emotions have been a wreck and I just want to get out of school, out of my home and just do something. But I feel so wrong, bored, exhausted and irksome for the past 2 weeks.

In fact, I don't know what I want from this question. Advice? Just to put it out there? I'm struggling and I know I am going to endure it for the next 2 years. Garghsndmdndbdkdnfnd

You share lots of how you are feeling but not as to what some of your life situations are that may be contributing to it. That makes it hard to give you a satisfactory answer. If you are a teen, some teens can go through another big growth spurt and as a result find themselve quite tired for a while. Lacking a good diet and enought vitamins and minerals to fuel your body can do that too.
As for boredom for no apparent reason, try something new, make a new friend, try a new hobbie, you may have to try lots of things til you find something that captivates your attention. Also when bored with time on your hands, it can help to volunteer time. My volunteering is done by giving advice on this column and it is rewarding for me. You might check what agencies in your area still need volunteer help for Christmas, to help wrap gifts for needy families, in soup kitchens or meals for the homelesss. I have gone to some and have found kids of school age with their parents scooping food to put on a persons plate, all the way up to grand parent age. Anyone can help in something like that. When life has no purpose to you, or you lack any goals to head towards, you can feel bored. Lets say you want to be as healthy as possible, so you check out recipes using health food items and learn to prepare them, learn meditation or yoga. The time spent learning this stuff can easily take away boredom because your mind has something to focus on. Hope this helps. If not, be more specific as to what is going on in your life so we can try to help.

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I can't even believe I just typed those words. That has to be one of the weirdest titles to a question that you all have probably ever read, but it happened.

My dad's not the greatest guy in the world and is a far worse father and an absolutely abysmal husband. He's verbally abusive to my mother and calls her names like b!tch, a$$ wipe, and other such things. He screams at her at the top of his lungs and she can't defend herself because it just makes him so much angrier and crazier. He's often in a bad mood and takes it out on her, but denies doing so. He picks on her by doing things just to make her mad because he finds it amusing to get her all riled up, While there are plenty of other ways he sucks as a husband, but you get it.

This is late Monday night and Saturday night, I had a dream that I was at my church with my children decorating one of the sunday school classrooms or something. Then my mom ran in sobbing hysterically. I couldn't get her to tell me what was wrong, but soon, my dad walked in and was yelling at her and making her cry harder. I kept telling him to stop, but he wouldn't and it was making my mom just more and more hysterical which and NO ONE would tell me what in the world was going on. He kept calling her the b word (I don't know if I can actually type it on this site) and I told him to quit that too and while he continued on for a while, eventually he acted like he'd quit. After I turned around, he said it again. Then, one of my sons punched him hard in the face and knocked him down. In my dream, I loved this and was extremely pleased and proud of my son for doing this and when I woke up, I still was happy about it.

I told my mom about it last night and I was afraid she'd think it was a crazy weird dream that I was crazy for having, but she didn't. She was happy about it as I was during the dream and when I first woke up. What kind of crazy, dysfunctional family would have these problems and feel this way about one relative punching another relative in the face.

I care for my dad very much. He can be a jerk and a horrible husband, but I care for him and can't believe that even in a dream, I enjoyed watching him be punched by his own grandson. I wish my family's situation was different. I wish we weren't this dysfunctional, but we are and I can't single handedly fix it. I guess my question is, am I a horrible person? Am I a horrible daughter or a crazy person for enjoying this dream or even dreaming it in the first place. If so, what do I need to do?

you arent horrible for enjoying the dream. Humans like to witness justice happening and the bad people paying their dues. Its your subconscious mind that is in control when you sleep and often dictates the dreams you will have based often on what you have witnessed during the day or what lays heavily on your mind.

In reality, as you already well know, a punch in his face will do nothing to correct his behavior as he gets instead much worse. Sounds exactly like the ex husband I left but not until around the time the last child was graduating HS.
It took the husband of a couple who were new friends to us to notice that my ex had issues and he got comfortable enough with them to start treating them like he treated me and that was the beginning of the end of my marriage. I had talked about divorce before but he wouldn't cooperate and agree to get one. The male friend used to be an army counselor and told me I should mention going to see a psychologist for him. I couldn't point out this to a husband who never thought he was ever wrong and he would become enraged. So I cried. The friend said he would talk to my husband. So to keep face, hubby agreed to go. He was seen by Dr and while the exact type of mental illness wasn't pinned down yet, he was one of the many mentally ill who aren't that obvious in public when they pretend to be ok and watch their p's and q's. Only at home did he let his hair down so to speak and be himself which was the foul creature much like your dad. And I loved him as another human being but was no longer in love with him, he ran me bankrupt on love. One cant be in love with someone who doesnt love in return, treat with respect and give kindness, caring and support. Remember the scripture about "love your neighbor as yourself? In every translation I've seen, the neighbor is mentioned before your self. So the attention goes naturally to "I must love my neighbor." Thats not quite right. Its only part of the equation but terribly out of order. What Jesus was trying to say is that we need to really love ourselves in all ways before we can be a vessel that isn't clogged up by how we treat ourselves or allow ourselves to be treated by others. I loved myself enough to not take street drugs, drink until drunk, or slash wrists, but I was willing to allow myself to be subjected to this kind of cruelty 24/7. When God finally got through to me as to the real meaning of that scripture, he also told me that waiting for Him to heal my marriage as i was told in church was not going to happen because he gave free will to all and He would have totake away that free will and force my husband to magically start treating me right. Not only would that be taking awayu the mans choice to want to change but it also takes away the opportunity for his soul to really learn something. I have also heard some pastors agree that if a man treats his family in such a way, that basically he made vows to love honor and cherish and is not doing that so he loses his rights to be honored as a husband and father and the family don't owe him anything either like love and respect. He lost it long ago. Yes, his sperm gave you life but all my grown daughters see now that their Dad has not improved at all in almost 7 yrs since I left, he treats them with disrepect now too since they are adult women and they have as little to do with him as possible so as to not suffer the stress of the foul poision he tries to throw at any of us. They realize now I was right in just walking away from him one day. It took humbling myself in my situation and trying to find someone who would take me in and rent me a room in their home so i could escape him. I was so sick and tired, literally that I had to leave. The stress of such treatment enters a person being verbally, or physically abused and the stress has togo somewhere. In some, the stress leads to depression so you're affected emotionally, one can be affected mentally and begin to exhibit the kinds of distorted thought life and mental issues as the person who abused them but its more a learned thing and needs counseling to get healed. The last is the stress affecting you physically. I can guarantee it will catch up with your Mom and any siblings still living with Dad and Mom. I suffered physically with constant headaches, a couple migraines a year, total body stress rashes which hang around a month and itch like the dickens while there, stomach ulcers, just to mention a few of the stress related illnesses. Cancer and heart attack can be caused by extreme stress, the kind as i said is 24/7 with no gap of relief, down time of peace for ones body to recover. Our bodies can do miracles as far as healing goes but not when daily attacked by extreme stress. That saying of sticks and stones breaking bones and words never hurting you are a bunch of balony. Unless one is deaf, you're going to hear the hateful words and their poison is instantly inside you. So heres the hard part, God told me to leave the ex in 4 years or I would die of cancer or heart attack. They both run in the family. So I hung around another year til a daughter graduated HS and then I left. I just walked away leaving him, the house, only packed the few things that were just mine. I had talked to every female of 200 personel so roughly about 140 telling them my story and how desperate I was to get out. No one had room but a handful had stories of previous spouses and similar stories of not being able to discuss reason with their exs and also having to walk away. Finally, friends out of state said I could come stay with them. So i did. I was away for a year, came back and started living on my own and being near daughters and during those extra years of realizing he has totally lost his grip on me, the ex finally decided he was ready for divorce and paid for it totally. What I am saying is that though it looks hard now, where there is a will, there is a way and perhaps your Mom will one day be strong enough to leave your Dad. He doesnt deserve to have a family around if he won't treat them well. You realize this means your Dad likely isn't well himself and may be like this the rest of his life. I am a loyal person and found it hard to cut things off with the ex but what helped was to stop focusing on just making it thru one more day at a time. I looked forward asking, "Can I handle another week, month or year of such treatment? And I realized I probably could. But when I asked myself, can you handle it five more, ten more, twenty more years of such treatment, or til the day I die, I broke up crying and realized all i had been doing is fooling myself by focusing on just making it thru just one day at a time. All hope was gone and I knew I couldn't handle many more yrs after thirty already. So this is partly for your Mom too. If you find in your heart God confirming that this is the same path for you and siblings and Mom to take, then so be it. But she will need a lot of support from her kids to know its okay and they are backing her up on it.
I know the hardest thing to be okay with is violence in a dream especially if you or family is doing or receiving it. Our baser self, deep at core, wants to see the bad guy get knocked down or totally killed. We also know that Jesus would say that love is the answer, not violence. And yes, that is true but we also need to love ourselves enough to protect ourselves from willingly submitting ourselves to this kind of treatment. So instead of loving what he does, you love the man, but not his sin, however his sin is what is hurting you and our subconscious minds are more closely tied to our soul and its goal is to protect us and keep us happy and so the dream is really just a reminder to you of what should be happening, but not exactly as portrayed in a dream which do tend to go over the top or be distorted and so... The man shouldn't be allowed to continue to treat any of his family, kids, wife, grandkids in such a way. That's what your subconscious is saying. You're an adult, no longer a child unable to protect yourself from him and he's been getting away with this a long time. I believe that if a person is abusive, its likely due to his having grown up witnessing the same or in some way mental issues or illness is involved or lots of alcohol or illegal drugs for a person to behave this way. I am sure that people born with such treatment as kids and not being healed as adults or having mental illenss is something they could not avoid and the loving God I know takes that into the equation. I dont believe its so cut and dried as heaven or hell not matter what. Or that a person can accept Jesus as savior and still act this way. Its not the words that hold water with God but ones heart. And if God sees a soul born into such circumstances, He will still love and not send sucha person to Hell. Think of Judas. Someone has to be the bad guy, to bring the world harshness and pressure for others to strive against, against the odds to choose what is right. So the souls like my ex and your Dad can be seen as necessary for the spiritual or personal growth in others. I would never have made it to the place of growing to learn to love myself 100% without fail if not for the adversary nature of my ex so I am thankful for the situation. But there comes a point when its no longer needed for one to learn and the one who was in the role like a Judas character, has forgiveness offered just as Jesus offered Judas after what he did. But Judas wouldn't accept it and hung himself. I think some people die before God can get through to them on earth and if he see's their heart as they stand at the entrance to heaven and see their repentence, they can come inside. Maybe they even get another chance, a stretch for many Christians to believe. Thats another story. But this is what Jesus was talking about in his parable of the rich man who invited some men to work for him for the day, day labor, promising a certain amount by end of day, the payment its really about is Entering heaven and getting a mansion there. Midday as well as throughout the day he kept adding laborers even up till the last couple hours of work, offering each the same pay as those who started early. Those who started early complained that the man didn't deserve the same pay as them. We think a person like my ex or your Dad lived such bad lives they are not fit to enter heaven and somehow have decided the cut off time for making an agreement with the master has to be while still alive. I dont see where Jesus said one has to accept him while still alive. Once dead, they get to stand before him. Its then they either are repentant and God see's their heart and gives them the same reward as those who were Godly and served Him all their lives. So pray for him, but no one should willingly have to subject theirselves to his treatment. This means having the upper hand for Holidays, such as having Christmas at your place, not going to the parents. See, if he's a guest at your house and he starts to treat you badly, if you've warned him he's welcome but the first offense of speaking hatefully and unrespectfully to anyone under your roof, then you and hubby will ask him to leave immediately. If he agrees to the conditions and comes over, then you have to follow through with it and if he threatens to not leave, you will call the police to have them remove him from your home. Your house, your standards, and biological father or not, you need to draw the line at how he treats your whole family. Part of your dream could be instigated by anxiety of what to expect over the Holidays. It hurts not to have some family come over for Holidays, like him and Mom staying home but it will hurt worse if over time Dad learns he can get away with anything he likes with you and your family now that youre grown and adult so the boundary needs to be established or it will affect and hurt you and your kids in ways you cant see now but crop up later onces its too late. God Bless dear.

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I have meet this girl at my school and have known her for a while now, and have went on a date with her once then she called it off, due to a busy semester. I understood this but it really hurt and a couple of weeks later she asked if I wanted to date again and of course I said yes, and she has asked for us to take it slow and I understand completely, I don't understand by what she means as slow, because like I have remorse after leaving her apartment after talking and hanging out with her. I have always been a cuddler, and that is how I want to be, not like in bed for sex or anything of that manner but closeness, and like all of my relations with people I am extremely protective over her. I need some information about slow relationship and what to do. I have looked at many sites that are supposed to help with this but they are mainly coming from a girl's perspective, but I am a guy, and I need some advice.

Ditto...ask her. I don't know what her ideas of taking something slow is. She may be interpreting some of your actions or words differently than what you mean by them and it could simply be how she interprets it all that has her concerned. Often this happens early in a relationship where two people don't really know or understand each other well yet. Thats why its important to communicate. Its also important at any point is a relationship but especially in the beginning until you start to understand each other better.

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