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Dreading seeing this friend
In a few days I have to see an old friend who I've been crazy about for years but we never ended up being a thing. I've gone about a year now since seeing him last and have become a new person and don't want to fall back into the sense of admiration and respect and I used to have for him. He's overall a nice guy and a really good friend but also kind of an asshole and I'm SURE I still have feelings for him and they will all come rushing back once I see him and I'll be back to square one, trapped in this unrequited love I dealt with for years. I'm DREADING seeing him.
I just got out of another situation in which I experienced heartache with this other sleaze ball and I just feel really delicate and insecure and like this feeling is never going to end. Ugh what should I do to deal with this mentally?
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I feel the same as Missundersmock, there's no need to see him, especially if you consider him to be an asshole, whether he is or isn't. If it is someone that has some darker points to his personality and character, then why give him even one casual meet up? You did say I have to see an old friend. Have to means it is something entirely outside of your ability to control. I highly doubt there is a situation where you "have" to see him. And knowing your weakness for his good points that might draw you back into a relationship with him is good enough reason on its own to avoid seeing him. Also being fresh out of another relationship that ended bad means you're still emotionally hurting and probably vulnerable into being snookered into a bad relationship again because you are thinking with your feelings and your subconscious mind rather than with your awake and logical mind. When feelings rule, you are in a position of being easily led off course and not making the best decision about who to date. Women often find their self worth in having someone to date, that illusionary feeling that having a boyfriend means you have some worth as a person. Unfortunately, just any random body in your life can not make you feel whole and complete. The idea is to become a whole person first, and find a man who is also a whole person and also to have a clearer idea of who you really are as a person ( like trying to sell yourself at a job interview). Its also what I had to put down when describing myself for a dating site. Its how I found my 2nd husband. What they dont have is a spot labeled, "What I am looking for" but I used any spot that would allow my to write as long a description as I wanted. And I put down "Criteria for you to be able to meet to contact me". It was my very detailed list of what I was looking for and I was picky because of a bad past marriage. I can go more into detail on this, healing from a bad past experience first, then how to boost your self esteem and confidence and how to make a list of who would make a Mr Right for you and if you want, some of the negative traits you are wanting to avoid in the next guy and how to recognize them early. Most people act their best and or put on a false persona at first and later let their real self show, so dont critisize yourself for being initially unable to see something bad in a person but after a couple of dates or a couple months, is when a person usually lets their real self sneak out occasionally or fully. I would be glad to work with you more if you want to feel a hope for the future in finding a better man and some of it includes what you can learn and how you can change and its mostly all thought related. So let me know and avoid meeting that guy honey cus I dont want to have to say later, I told you so. LOL
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Honestly if it were ME i would avoid him. If you really feel like you have no self control and his personality is too overwhelming for you then DONT see him. simple.
Your not in a good place right now, your trying to heal from this other guy and maybe his comments and jokes and what not would be too much for you to handle. i can understand that.
You DO also like the other poster said, think you need to take some time to work on yourself. The bottom line here is that only YOU really know yourself and if you think you can stand to be around him right now and can tell him that you just got out of a bad relationship then if hes smart at all he will pick up the hints and NOT try to make a moe on you.
Theres plenty of people that have a secret sort of "crush" on someone else but that doesnt mean its RIGHT to run with your feelings and get yourself into something your not ready for either.
Theres going to be times where the heart wants what the heart wants but it doesnt mean your a good fit, or that its the right time in both of your lives either.....so idk....something to think about there...
I also GET the "hes kind of an asshole" thing. I know plenty of guys who have personalities like that and all i can say is their cool as friends and provide interesting entertainment value but they dont usually make for a good potential partner. The way that they can sometimes view the world is a narrow minded one and thats not the kind of person i would want to be with anyway. These types of guys usually over time live unstable life styles and job hop, and can only really keep themselves afloat. (((ive known some for over ten years))) and because of that overly strong "assholeish" personality, they just dont know when to stop at times and end up losing opportunities in life because they refuse to adapt to a changing environment. Of course not thinking it was their fault at all. lol
if you have to Cancel plans, say you cant, or tell whoever else your with who might be his friends that you wish to spend time with them this time and that you havent spent enough time with some other friend but "maybe next time"??
good luck
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What makes him an asshole anyways? Either he is one or he isn't. You cannot be in love with someone who you feel is one. That doesn't make much sense. You either love and respect him or you don't.
Have you ever thought he may not know where he stands with you either? Maybe you both have feelings but never put it out there. You will agonize over this until you actually sit down and hash it out. I'm sure if he's a good friend he wn't treat yu badly if not interested. At least then you can move on.
Next stop thinking of yourself as fragile and delicate. Yes, you got hurt by someone who wasn't a good person but you have to pick yourself up and keep going or they win. Heartache needs to be spoken about but you also need to work on moving forward and not in a rut. I would talk to your friend and go from there. I would also start meeting new people and socializing to get through the hurt with the other person.
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