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Trust issues
I'm 25, boyfriend is 23. My past relationship didn't end well, he lied to me about talking to another girl and ended up breaking up with me and dating that new girl right away. Our trust was broken. And now that I'm in a new relationship I feel as though this has become a problem for me.
When my now boyfriend first started seeing each other (not officially) he would always tell me that I was the only girl in his life and the only girl he talked to but I found out he was texting another girl as well. He did not hang out with her though. I couldn't really be that mad becuase we weren't exclusive at this point. But I was still weary. We talked about it and moved on from that. Well he still keeps in contact with his ex because they share a dog together. His ex would text him about random things before, not even about the dog. He said he told her to only contact him about the dog. If he really did tell her, I don't know I can only take his word for it. But every time he gets a text I feel like its his ex saying who knows what. It makes me worried. He said I have nothing to worry about. Last night she texted him saying I'm sure you're with Megan (me) but can you watch Max (their dog) tomorrow? He told me he texted her and showed me the text and I said why does she have to say "I'm sure you're with..." He laughed and said I dont know.
How can I get over this insecurity? My past realationship really messed with my trust and has given me a lot of issues :/ I don't want it to ruin my current relationship. My boyfriend knows I have these issues.
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What you lack is not just trust, but self confidence and like me at that age, you probably still question yourself on your ability to find a good guy and see the warning signs before getting too far into the relationship. If you dont know what to look for, its hard.
So I understand why you might worry about this gal texting. What he is doing right is being open with you when she texts and lets you see the text sometimes and that shows he has nothing to hide. A guy who is hiding something wouldn't even let you know she does contact him.
As to sharing a dog, well lots of people see pets as members of the family on the same level of importance as if they had kids together. My new husband has a daughter with his ex who is an orphan with no family of her own and no contact with adoptive family. At this point, the daughter who decided to go with him after they split, is an adult. But he cares about the womans welfare as family, even tho not married. If he didn't care about helping to lend support via the phone when she calls about the latest thing she's sad or freaked out about, then he wouldn't be the kind of caring supportive man I chose to marry. You don't just cut off relationships like loping limbs off a tree. His willingness to share custody of the dog, help her out watching it, just goes to show something of the good character of the man. You are right that in time, your not trusting him could hurt or ruin your relationship. He has lots of patience and seems understanding but every person has their own limit of how much they can take of certain things and lack of trust is one of them. Trust shouldnt be based on a past relationship but just on the one man you're with. I had a verbally abusive man in first marriage so in my late forties, when divorced and looking for a new partner, I had to heal first and then I had to be sure of what I was looking for in a guy. If not sure, how will you know when you find it, right? I had a list of criteria the guy had to meet. In his first email via a dating site, he said all the things I needed to hear, stuff not one other guy ever came close to writing as their statement of how they live their life as a male. He saida females only role is one of being creative and that his role as a Male was to be the catakyst of what the female creates, and to support, strengthen and uphold what she brings forth. He can be irritated or sad or stressed just like any person but he has not raised his voice to me or argued or ridiculed me. As time went on, I saw that his behavior was consistant to what he says he believes and the role he says he is serious about as a male. You need to be looking for the same consistencies to know he is who he says he is and that you can trust him.
All females have the same equipment sexually, just different sizes, colors and if a female believed that another pretty woman with the same looks or better in her estimation , could easily lure away her man, then he is only interested in beauty skin deep. The man who is interested in who you are on the inside as well is possible to find. Who you are inside is what makes you unique from any other female, including how you treat him. It it this which will endear you to a male so that even if a female flirted with him or asked him to spend the night with her, He would turn her down nicely so as not to crush her self confidence but let her know that you are the only one for him so he has no interest in anyone else. So perhaps some books on gaining self confidence will help you. Today I saw a book at a store called Relationships for dummies which goes over every possible situation that is part of and can affect a relationship. I think it a wise thing to self teach as theres no such thing as a class called Relationships 101. Work on yourself and all should work well for you and him.
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