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Stickiest situation Ever
Ok so 24/female. Through a series of fortunate events in my life I ended up with exactly the life that I wanted, except nothing is exactly the way you imagine it to be and I am in a really strange situation that I'm not sure what to do about.
You see I am in a foreign country working my dream job, but I am stuck. I live here with my best friend who is a guy, in an apartment of the company I work for . We work together and for the moment we are in a city where we have to live where we do. This situation has been like this for a year now, where I have to live with this guy because of work situation in different cities even around the world. The problem is that we fell in love in the past year and it's really messy.
Partly messy because we work together partly because he's also 24 and not ready to commit.
He is a soul mate, for sure. And us living together has been amazing. But a roller coaster. Sometimes it's good other times he pulls away and says he isn't ready to be with someone for the rest of his life. He says he knows he loves me and that what we have is the weirdest, closest thing he's ever been to divine love, but he can't trust himself just yet and he hopes that one day he will be the man I deserve. He wants to be 24 and go and do and be. He talks to other girls. Problem is we've both tried to stop, since I'm not ok with that I am a girl that is always used to being with one person at a time. But it's literally a dance of will back and forth between us and we always end up back together again. Wether we try to separate because we have to live together we always end up back in love or one of us seeking the other.
My question is that I know for my own respect I have to say no. If he's not ready to be with me I shouldn't be with him. And even though he's come a long way from when we met, I still see that he's 24. He isn't ready. As many times as he comes back to me saying he loves me I know he's not ready.
Now the logical solution is move out, but that's not an option for me at the moment as I love my job and this is what it has to be for now.
So my question is if I can't leave and we failed more than 6 times at separating and just being friends, and I know he's not ready to be serious with someone, and it's hard for me to be with someone like that, what the heck can I do in this situation??? It's the most confusing relationship I've ever been in. Help???
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I also dont understand why a company would put a male and female employee together as roommates. Why not tell your employer to begin looking for a female roommate for you as the two of you don't get along. They dont need to hear all the drama of how you feel for each other and have tried to break up. If they can not do that right away or in the near future, perhaps you can look elsewhere for a person not working in that company but who is employed elsewhere and is looking for a roommate. Put an ad out if this is what you want to do.
You may need some time to clear your head and work on yourself. Females who do not feel complete unless there is a man in their life often end up in rocky relationships. It may not have anything to do with the man. He may be a wonderful guy but having a female whose entire life purpose depends on having him in her life can tend to feel a bit suffocating. Such females can come across unknowingly as needy too and this can drive guys away or from proceeding from dating to courting to wanting to marry. Dating and seeing a person is for the purpose of finding out enough about the other to decide if they are going to make the best partner to marry, and are right for you. Once that has been determined, if right for each other, the next step is a commitment to be together always and that can include marriage. Or if not right for each other or one is not right or not ready, then its not happening, you're at a dead end with that one and need to move on to another person if looking for your life partner and soul mate. I suppose its possible to live with him but will feel awkward once you've met another guy and have feelings for the other and want to bring him to your place for a visit. But that would be worst case scenerio.
If you want a guy who is right for you, then you need to be looking at men who are dating for the reason of meeting a female to fall in love with and marry. At close to 50, I got divorced and when I met my now 2nd husband thru a dating site, it didn't take him long at all to ask me to marry him. So once you've got your living situation fixed, then I suggest studying all you can about relationships such as the link to a downloadable book I am posting and make yourself a list of what you really must have in a relationship. The book, relationships for dummies does go over the very very basics of what should be on your list but I also had things that would be deal breakers for me like the man being a smoker since I'm allergic to cigarette smoke. For a younger woman, a deal breaker may be wanting a child but the guy doesnt want children at all ever and marrying and hoping the person with change their mind is a crazy thing to do as it likely wont happen and not you're unhappily married. So really give it thought, who you are looking for so you can recognize the guy when you meet him instead of grabbing and latching on to the next warm body that will give you the time of day just to have someone. Its okay to be alone, better than devoting time from your life to someone who doesn't appreciate you or want you enough to marry you.
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Is it really not an option to tell your job you'd like another living arrangment? I'm sure it's been done before, and you should at least ask if there is any other place or option as far as an apartment, because it's very unlikely you'll be able to break this pattern while still living with him.
Face it: This isn't a love problem or a maturity problem, or a timing problem or even a soul mate problem. This is a lust problem. You are two twenty somethings living in a small space who are fall in and out of lust with a conveniently located person you are attracted too! Even if you aren't actually have sex, the lust is what is sucking you back in.
Maybe it's also true love, but love aint the problem here. Love could be handled with respect and space. Lust is going to keep this destructive pattern going until you get the hell out of one another's space OR learn to hate the other person with the same fire you currently love them with.
So talk to your employer. This can't be the first time a forced roommate situation turned out to be a bad match.
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