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Life is an adventure but Life doesn't come with user manuals for everything. School subjects do little to prepare us. Its no wonder we all need helpful advice sometimes. Blessings to you!

advice

Hi, he's my guy colleague and we have become a really good friends. But he flirts and jokes and tease around a lot basically with everyone coz he's hilarious and everyone likes him. But with me, it just feels different, we just flirt back and forth and I reckon he likes it when I flirt back. He told my another colleague today in front me that,'she loves me, she is in love with me?' and I said no its the other way around. Sometimes he just picks on me and I tell him, I'm not your wife, he says,u wish with this flirty smile. Today he also told my colleague jokingly, briefly, I'm in love with xxx( mentioned my name). Plus he sings around me a lot in front me, lightly touches my shoulder but that's all. He's not creepy though. So I just wonder, why is he like this? Does he really like me or what? we're are both in our late 20's. Thank u all!

A guy with the ability to do all that he is doing is not shy. So my opinion is that not only is he a big flirt, but he is a big tease and not serious at all. If a guy who has no trouble flirting and talking to girls is still single, its because he wants to be or hasn't found someone he's seriously interested in enough to ask out. A person can jokingly say just about anything and not really mean it. Guys dont tend to use the L word casually and only use it if they mean it. So if you seriously think this guy is in love with you, then how is this relationship working out for you, is it satisfactory for you? Do it feel like a real relationship. I am going to even go as far as saying there's a chance his Sun sign is Leo and Leo s tend to like being the center of attention and his outrageous flirting is one way to do it and saying jokingly that he loves any one person is another way to draw attention to him. He thrives on it. If everyone in the office started ignoring him, you'd probably witness the most bummed out employee you've ever seen.

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Well, it all started out back in high school when a girl in my class (who I had never had a conversation with) asked for my opinion on L, then she suggested I tag along with them at the weekend for a gathering. I found this hugely strange as I didn't even know her but I agreed. I chatted with everyone there, including L and we all had a great time. We had a few other gatherings when me and L became very close. What started as a friendship turned immediately into a hot, love. We had a bumpy relationship filled with moments of fate bringing us back together at the most random of times and situations. A round about a year after, we become official. I have never felt so deep about anyone. I was overly insecure, naggy, etc. He was no angel either though. So anyway, he up and let after nearly 2 years of our official relationship started. From the moment I met him, there was something there that I couldn't put my finger on but it's clear to me now that's he the one. I try and tell my friends and family, but they say "Oh, it's probably because you cared very much. Move on" but it's more than that. It's been a year since our break-up and he's still the first person on my mind after waking and the last on my mind before sleeping. We have had contact scattered out over the year and I feel he does still care deeply for me. There's things like dreams, too. I've had many dreams of him. The other week, I dreamt of him lay in bed really upset thinking about me. I mean, I don't know if this is me going mad and it's my subconscious but I know and feel it from deep within me, he is my future. My best friend never remembers her dreams and on 3 occasions, she's dreamt of me and L and it's quite shocking. Another episode is if something happens that really upsets me, I yearn for his comfort, I feel as though I just need a cuddle from him and then, I receive a text from him. I recently saw a psychic who told me that there's someone from the past that's coming back in but I need to change before letting him back, she also recalled him as "He's your twin flame" Has anyone experienced a twin flame relationship and can share with me their story? I can't turn to friends or family, as they don't understand me at all. Many thanks!

I'll start with sharing this link on twin flames:

https://rachelpsy.wordpress.com/2013/03/06/surviving-the-twin-flame-relationship-part-2-how/

mY opinion based on personal experience is that a twin flame does not necessarily have to end up being a romantic couple relationship. For example, I met a gal at a new friends home, after talking all evening, I felt like crying when it was time to go home cus it felt like I had just met a long lost family member and didn't want to lose contact again so I traded phone numbers. I couldnt get over the feeling so I prayed to God and was given a waking vision, a little scene that played in my mind..I saw two twin girls and was told that was me and her. I saw her again and told her. She then started nodding. Turns out she is psychic and her spirit guides were telling her this was true. A week or so later she had been told more, that we have shared many past lives as twin sisters and the lives we arent twins, we end up meeting. Thats pretty special. And then you hear of people called soul mates, and I think that word is meant for a mate, and it doesnt necessarily mean it will be all roses and wonderful because the two may be on quite similar paths with similar astrological events coming up for both and if the two are mature enough to get past what peoples natural tendencies for the worst traits of their sun sign or whatever else their short comings are, then soul mates can be a wonderful thing this side of heaven. For many, they find its a relationship full of issues and struggles and not seeing eye to eye over and over but they love each other and get frustrated or upset and back to love. I can't say the lady heard right when she told you what she did. It may have been a soul mate thing instead or it may have meant someone other than this guy. All I can say is if he isn't wanting back in the relationship, then you trying to force things to get the two of you back together may not be the right thing. If two people are meant to meet, then both will be ready. I had to change alot to be able to believe in reincarnation for one thing before i could meet this gal i spoke of. I was a Christian for 30 yrs not believing in that so we couldn't meet until I was ready. I don't know if twin souls accidently meet before 1 is ready. If so, it cant be forced. It may be that if two people are not twin souls, then one or both will not recognize each other as having a special significance as happened to me. So if its not having too easy as my experience, then it just may not be this person. All you can do is wait and see what God brings at the right time.

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What do you do when someone fairly new in your life, but who you care for and are worried about, has a dying father who doesn't want to see or talk to her before he dies? I know there's not much anyone outside of the family can do about it, but there's got to be some way to help.

Imagine that this father had two daughters and was a deadbeat to both of them when it came to taking care of them, but has always had a special spot for his first born. She's always been his perfect little princess while the youngest has always been his defiant little screw up. At least that's the way he's always seen her.

He had a certain plan for each of his girls. He had high standards when it came to where they'd go to college, what classes they'd take, what career path they'd take, what kind of guys they'd marry, and things of that nature. Neither daughter followed his demands, but the oldest came closer than the youngest did. The oldest got a pass for disobeying him simply for being his little princess, but the youngest didn't. When he felt that the youngest was defying him, he cut her out of his life. He cut her off financially, he sent back every letter she ever sent him unopened, he divorced her mother when he found out she'd been spending time with the daughter against his wishes. He and his daughter haven't spoken in ten years because the last time they did, he told her that he was ashamed of her and she was a massive disappointment as a daughter.

She's basically dead to him. He's never met her husband or children and anytime someone tells him something about her life, he tells them that he doesn't care. He probably wouldn't even know if she was alive or dead if people didn't mention her occasionally and I feel he wouldn't care about that either.

Now he's dying. After years and years of heavy smoking, he's dying of lung cancer and the family wants him and his daughter to make peace before he dies. However, neither of them are thrilled about the idea. He will be in the hospital until his death and does not want her to come see him or have any other contact with him before he dies. She doesn't want to see him either and insists that she doesn't need her father and never has. You are sorry that the dad is dying, but could care less if he gets what he wants or what's best for him when it comes to this issue. You're worried about the daughter. You know that if the dad dies before she makes peace with him, SHE will be the one in pain, not the dad. I know she cares, despite her insistence that she doesn't because I caught her breaking down and crying about all of these issues.

So what would you do? I know you can't force the two of them to see each other, but is there Amy way to help? Any help will be appreciated.

You did say the father doesnt want to see her. That alone is reason enough for her not to go even if she wanted to, but she doesn't either. I understand how deep down she is hurt but appearing when neither wants to will still hurt and maybe even worse if he rants and rails at her with his last breath.
As for the Dad not being in pain, I beg to differ. Of course I do believe that we have souls that go to the other side. As long as our souls are in our mortal bodies, we hold grudges, cause pain, etc. to our dying breath if thats the type of people we've been throughout life. But its different when people die. I do remember reading many accounts of people who died but came back and shared of seeing and talking to the souls of family who'd passed on before. One acct was a father who hung back afraid to approach his daughter because he'd treated her with abused while alive. When she held out her arms to him, he confessed he thought she might not want to hug him and he apologized and told her how much he wished he had lived his life different. I have read many accounts where whatever it was that bothered a soul while yet still alive was something no longer of importance to them. The other thing they have is regrets for how they have treated people if it was badly. And so many family and friends on the other side so not have that chance to get a message thru to a loved one to tell them after death, from the other side, that they are sorry for how they treated you and the fact is, right now they truly can say they love you and are proud of you. Its the living left behind who may decide they need to hear from a loved one who has passed and will then go to mediums for help. I know there are lots of quacks but also believe there are the real ones who have the skill. I believe this as I have learned how to have conversation with God and hear his answers in convo, in my head and I have heard brief things from others close to me who have passed on, not regular like a psychic but enough occasions that I know its possible. This is a situation where you can do nothing but hold her when she cries, let her know she did nothing wrong that would be deserving of such treatment from her father. Even children who do wrong, still don't deserve such treatment. A newborn child is precious for simply existing and it can't do anything for you, it cant do anything for itself, nothing but cry. And yet so many people are drawn to babies and find them so cute and precious. That is how it should continue to be, no matter the age of the child, they are loved unconditionally, not based on what they do and don't do. That is the kind of love God has. I'm writing this for you to share with her if she starts asking questions wondering why he treated her this way. I just mentioned how it should be. And the reason it isn't always perfect in life, is because God gave each of us a free will to choose to do good or not. If he had reached in and forced this dAD to treat his daughter right, then he was being forced like a programmed robot and goes against the free will thing. So God is aware of her hurt but for that reason doesnt step in and force people to do right, to force to love unconditionally, to stop stealing, killing, robbing raping, etc. It will not be easy for her to move on in life, not knowing how Dad might feel about her after he dies, but I am sure he will tempted to come back and visit her and wish she could see and hear him. Theres a book I read long ago, a friend loaned me when my mom died, it was called "Good Grief" and goes through the normal steps of grieving. Due to her situation, there may be a chance of her getting stuck somewhere in the grieving process and never make it to the end and recover. If you can't find this book for her, find another one that just about anyone in the family will benefit from if shes not ready to go through it. You can't push a person to do anything, just get the book and leave it laying around for her to look at, and you may want to read it yourself to see if you can see her going through the steps of grieving that is listed. Many become stuck and can go on for years or the rest of their life, stuck and developing all sorts of strange habits, fears, bitterness, etc. things that don't help them heal. This is the best I have to share with you. You are a wonderful person for wanting to help and I know it will be hard for you to stand by and feel like you are doing nothing. But love her unconditionally, no matter if she still isn't willing to forgive Dad after he dies cus if in the same boat as her, you'd find it much the same struggle for yourself, any human would. And God knows that so he's very patient with those of us traumatized this way. No one should be pushing her to go see him or heal or feel a certain way after. Each person has their own path to walk in this and no two need be alike. Some times people may end up feeling the need to see a counselor after a death like this. There is such a thing a grief counseling as a specific type of counseling. You can always check around, get a brochure for someone and give it to her letting her know you are concerned about her but are leaving that decision up to her whether to go or not and won't bring it up again. All you ask of her is to look at whether the way she's going about her life after is helping her heal. Is she satisfied with how she is doing and if or when she realizeds shes still not happy, then its time for she to decide what steps to take that might help her recover and the counselor will always be a phone call away to set an appt. She may lie and say shes fine and happy but thats how she wants to feel and is only saying so to get people off her back and leave her alone. It pretty much means she is not ready yet to face what it takes to heal cus it will hurt as its all revisited in her mind before she is healed. So she may block it all in some ways, but unresolved hurts and emotions, don't stay buried forever and surface again at some unexpected moment sometimes as things that may seem unrelated. Our psyches can take unresolved pain like she suffers, and if its buried to attempt to forget, may come back needing release somehow but now not as the hurt of how Dad treated her but some odd new anxiety she never had in life before or depression. The stress has to go somewhere. So if you see anything like that, or she seems to be developing stress related illnesses, like constant headaches, migraines, stomach ulcers, itchy stress rashes on the body, in some spots or all over, and then after decades, stress can affect the heart with problems or bring on cancer. This is what you need to know and look for and all you can do is mention to her what you have learned in trying to be helpful to her and still love her if she rejects any help.

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I play a Baritone bass clef in my school band, and I'm horrible at it. I do try to practice it, but I can't practice unless I have somebody else playing the same rhythm as me. I know I just need to practice, but I'm kind of in a pickle here. I have to play a solo in less than a month, and I can't play it, and I can't back out of it now. I'm freaking out and I don't know what to do! Asking my band teacher for help is out of the question cause if he knew that I still can't play it, then he'll be fearious! I don't really have any friends that can practice with me either, please help!

I;M for asking the band teacher for help. yOU may just be assuming he'd be furious and maybe its due to past experience with other adults. However you are in school and its for learning no matter the subject. If any teacher did become furious with you, then they are out of line and its something you might want to share with the parents, just the facts, no embelishing to make it sound worse and then they could complain to the principle on your behalf. If what you play is only one of two of the same instruments, then i am sure He'd notice that the baritone bass instruments sound weak if you aren't really playing when you need to. My daughter was asked in her senior yr if she'd be willing to switch from playing flute to playing Oboe as one of the two people who played had graduated. WHen no one eles volunteered, the teacher asked my daughter and she had to learn it in a hurry to play so she would need extra lessons. Her teacher put out notices, asking around to find an Oboe playing tutor for her after school and she did the same and actually found someone who did it for free, a relative of one of her friends. So ask if theres anyone who plays who could give you low cost or free lessons for a short while and that way you'd have someone playing along with you at times as your practice and learn.

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16 female
I have been talking to this guy for about 6 months now but my mom says I can't date him because the police says he is on there watch list because he does drugs but I still have been talking to him via text and I just got in trouble because mom goes through my texts and told me if I continued she would take my phone and he sent me a text saying if I wanted him to still be my friend I had to send a naked picture but what if my mom sees it what should I do help?

Hon, since you've already been making some unsound decision, bad ones really and trying to hide it from Mom, I wonder why you are asking here unless you are looking for someone to tell you its a good idea to send a pic let alone continue to chat and stay in contact.

I don't think badly of you and your decisions hon as that is something that is quite normal among teen and even early college age people. Let me explain. You have something working hard against your ability to see what is reasonable and whats not and what repercussions there could be down the road to any decisions and actions you take. This thing I speak of is our brain. Oddly enough, our bodies mature to adult looking form long before the prefrontal cortex of the brain is done growing. So with this very important part of the brain still in an immature state, our thoughts and beliefs and actions just don't see wisdom or warning signs when it is very much needed. Its no excuse for continueing to tread in dangerous territory though. Once you've had it explained why its not a good idea and how dangerous it is, you need to trust adults with the fully developed brains that can reason out things like this better, who are looking out for your best interests. Even at 18 when you are pronounced an adult, before making any decisions since you are not yet at 25 when this part of the brain is done growing according to scientists, it is best that you still ask around, get other opinions and viewpoints so you have a broader picture and input before making your own decision. You did write us and i hope this means you are looking for wise help not a way to get away with sending the pic and Mom not knowing. What you risk is starting to do this kind of unwise decisions and actions now, is it can become a nasty habit that you continue on through your college age years and end up a very unhappy and messed up woman with nothing to show for her life who wishes later that she could go back and do it all over again but differently. So I hope you decide to listen to Mom and us. Do NOT send the pic. Block the guy, and tell Mom of his request for naked pics. The police may be interested to know of his latest request as he may not just be dabbling in drugs but child pornography as well. Your mind will not be able to see the wisdom of any of our cautions to you until you are on the far side of 25 or so. You'll just have to trust us on this. On an aside, the fact that those under 25 are unable to make good decisions on their own yet, is why this age bracket is so suspectible to people on the internet scamming them or talking them into doing things that are not legal.

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One of my New Year's Resolutions this year is to speak up more. I have a tendency to just sit quietly and listen to everything going on around me, even if I have something I would like to say.

I do this whether I'm hanging out with my friends, in class, or in small group at Youth Group. I know that in class I'm a little scared to speak up, I am afraid of being judged, its kind of a social anxiety thing, but with my friends and at Youth Group I feel totally safe talking, I just don't say anything.

I want to come up with some ways to prompt myself or give myself courage to just say what I want to say, or to raise my hand in class. I talked to my Youth Group leader about it, and he said that he will make a point of asking me questions in small group, just to help me out a little bit, so that's good. However, I'm wondering if anyone has any suggestions to help me out with this. Any little things I can do to help myself?

I had extreme social anxiety as a child and teen. It wasn't til my senior yr HS that I was finally so sick and tired of being like that, that I asked God for help. Like you, at a conscious level, I knew who I could trust and at a surface level felt comfortable with but at a deeper level, with the subconscious mind, where all our emotions live and come from, it wasnt the same. It takes retraining of your subconscious and so I will share with GOD gave me to do and it did help.
It also works better doing the exercises daily with people you do not know because of course there is no trust there and having some trust I guess would mess up the ability to truly learn to overcome social anxiety at any level. i am sure you want to learn to overcome it not on just one level but all as well.

Skip any steps you already have no problem with and start at whichever one is hard for you. I had to start with just eye contact and smiling at strangers which freaked me out!!

Step 1 Smile at strangers. This is hard for some. For me, I was worried it would encourage them to say Hi to me and I was too afraid to get into a conversation with people other than my own family members. Do this til comfortable with it each time and move on to next step.
Step 2 Smile at a stranger and say Hello. Already this was more threatening to me. Now for sure i thought a stranger would take the 'hello' as an invite to talk for sure but no one ever did. See, people have their own time schedule and tasks to accomplish and don't have the time or desire to stop and chat with a stranger. dO THIS til comfortable with it and move to next step.
Step 3. Do step 2 and add making a compliment. If its the grocery clerk, and shes wearing jewelry and you like it, tell her so, that her earrings are very pretty. The smallest response you'll get is a thankyou. The longest response may be how they got them, My daughter got it for my Birthday, for Mothers Day gift. You can then say something some to acknowledge you heard her like Thats nice or You have a wonderful daughter.
Or just a your welcome to a thankyou.

Step 4. Okay, this is the hardest but if you got to a point where you were comfortable with complimenting strangers, then this wont be as bad as you might think. this step involves you starting a conversation with a stranger that pertains to where you both are or a situation in which you both are present. I found this easiest in stores. In grocery picking out cantaloupe i saw a women tapping and listening to watermelon. So I asked, Excuse me, what it is that you are doing. She explained this as a method to help choose a ripe watermelon. I then asked if she had a trick to pick the ripest most flavorful cantaloupe and she explained that. When its a situation based verbal exchange, it's easier. At a clothing rack, if I am not finding anything in the size I want, I'll ask another woman at the same rack if she's having success finding what she wants. SHe answers and I might say, I'm looking for a size ..... so if you see it on your side, let me know. Oh and let me know what I can keep a look out for to help you. Stuff like that is easier is its related to the situation.

By time you're comfortable with this, there shouldnt be a problem with talking to anyone.
As to being in a group and having something to add to the subject being discussed but someone speaks up before you changing the subject... that happens all the time. So now, I wait for just a small empty spot of no one speaking up quickly ad say, Well hey, back to the topic of .... I had something I wanted to share but didnt get a chance. then launch into it.

Heres something you need to know to realize that no matter who the person is you are talking to, between the 4 basic personality types that are friendly, outgoing and supportive of others. I am in my 50s now, so since my Sr HS year of being able to talk to people, its rare I have come across people who don't like talking to others, are loners, short and snotty with people and as hard as I try to remember, maybe 10 people in 40 yrs, thats about 1 every 4 yrs and as soon as I can feel they do not like being social, (totally separate from shy or social anxiety) I back off and end my interaction with them asap and don't take it personally. You can handle that, if I can, you can. And thats about it. It might sound silly but it worked for me. If you want to learn how to start a new turn of conversation, think of something you saw on sale, the kind of clothes or makeup that kids your age are into and announce, Hey, you guys need to hear about this sale if you haven't yet. then tell what it is, where its at and the price. One may know but the others may not. Or if your favorite singer just released a new song, ask your friends who are discussing cute boys, "Not to get away from talking about cute boys but my favorite singer or band has someone that looks like/sounds like the boy you were talking about and they just released this new song called ..... have you heard it yet? aND you've just started a new conversation but this time linking it to something they were already talking about. Hope this helps

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i take nitrosun 10 1pill daily?
what effects in my body

had not heard of it so looked up on the net and heres one explanation of what its given for and side effects

http://www.answers.com/Q/What_is_nitrosun_10mg

http://siko.in/index.php/drug-list-n/article/58900

I had a brother on mental health meds and he was usually quite fine with his regular meds but Drs wanted to try out new products they felt might be better but he suffered awful side effects. So his family had to demand the Drs change him back if a new med was not really needed.
In your case, I do not know if you were already on meds and they weren't working or if your condition warrants something like this but just reading the side effects, I would be extremely scared to find something like that given to my brother. The side effects sounds quite serious and having to stop using it to switch to something else is even worse with it being additive and seizures upon stopping it, so your Dr. should really have gone over it fully with you before giving it or if you have family, or a caregiver or social worker looking out for you, I would hope they had been told.

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Hii,

23,F.

Lately I've gotten close to my sisters ex who treated me like a little sister for years and everything was fine until 1 day we are sitting in his jeep and the roof top was missing so I was teasing him saying my back was soaked and he asked where and went to reach for my back and the next thing I know we are kissing. NOW. My sister and him were never official and it was only for a couple months and she broke things off with him 4 years ago, she's now happily married and she's actually friends with him. Would it be wrong for me to pursue this?

If she's already married, she's moved on. So there should be no issue with you pursuing him.
My only caution would be, since she was the one cutting things off with him, you may want to let her know that he's shown interest in you lately and you want to know if there are any warnings she may want to pass on. He didnt dump her, she dumped him and had a reason. Now if its something like not having the same goals in life, or he didn't want to have kids, or she decided there wasnt a strong each chemistry romantically between them and giving it time didnt make a difference, then those are all valid reasons that may not affect you with him. But if he exhibited any kind of behavior that is destructive to a relationship or hurtful to a partner, you'd want to know that as a person who isn't willing to work on improving themself will be just the same no matter who he dates. She loves you and as her sister won't want to see you hurt or upset by him. So it may be time to find out why they parted ways. And trust what she says. If you feel she's being indictive, then date him about 2, 3 months. He can only hide his true self about that long before letting his real character slip through to either confirm what sister said or negate it. If its it bad, then break up and dont look back.

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22/f, 29/m

Our relationship is a bit complicated. We had a lot of problems in the relationship due to trust issues. He broke my trust several times. He lied to me, hid things from me, and said things to his ex-girlfriends that he shouldn't have said. Because of that, it caused me to be anxious and insecure in the relationship.

He broke up with me a few times last month in December and the official break up with on New Years Eve. He told me that he still loved me and that maybe later on, we could try again. We even agreed that neither of us would date anybody in January and he even wanted to keep seeing me from keep me from moving on. I was feeling very conflicted and confused from what he was saying and doing. He would tell me one thing, but he'd hide every trace of me on his Facebook page, or add a cute girl on Facebook, talk his his ex-girlfriend (not inappropriately, though). And I'm feeling really lost. I had to ask him directly and told him that if he was trying to have his cake and eat it, too, that's not okay.

We were trying to work towards me pressing the "Reset button," meaning that we pretend that we never dated and to start over. I have been trying to work toward that, but the fact that he added another girl on Facebook just told me that he was reverting back into his old behaviors. I had to speak to him about this last night. I told him that if we were trying to start new, we can't make the same mistakes that happened that placed us in our current place from before. He understood, apologized, and said that he'll stop.

But as the conversation continued, he understood everything that I was saying but he was being really negative about the whole situation. He admitted that he was being negative and pessimistic, but he was being realistic. He told me that he's having a hard time because he feels guilty being with me because of the things that had happened between us a year ago. He loves me but he can see a better future without me and can imagine a better fresh start with someone else (not having anyone in particular in mind). He ended up bringing up little issues like him shaving his beard may make a difference in our relationship. At this point, I thought that he was just trying to think of any little thing he could think of to keep us apart.

I was frustrated. Because I'm the one that has depression, but I was the only one who was being optimistic. I told him that I was trying to move on from the past, and I wanted him, too. He said he does and that was the reason why he broke up with me in the first place. And became more confused and asked him does he just want to completely give up then and if he does, he needed to tell me now so I wouldn't try so hard for no reason. And he said, "I don't know," and that he just knows that he was happier in other relationships than in ours and that it was his fault.

It was a constant cycle. I pretty much clarified that I was willing to press the "reset button" and as long as the same mistakes from before doesn't repeat itself, I feel like things would be a lot better. I tried to be optimistic and realistic about the situation knowing that it may not work, but I feel like if we worked hard enough and he was more positive, things will get better. We confirmed that he does think negatively and him thinking negatively will affect any chance we will ever have together. However, it doesn't seem like he's willing to change those thoughts. He admitted that there could be a slim chance of us working, but he doesn't feel like the prize at the end of it is worth it. He told me that he'll TRY to be more positive and that he sure he won't make the past mistakes again... but that's the most I can ask for right now.

And that breaks my heart. I wasn't much of a cause of what put us here. It just told me that I could do everything right and still fail at a relationship. I don't know what to say, what to do, or what to think. I'm trying my best and it doesn't seem like he wants to try. When I ask him what he wants to do, he doesn't give me a direct answer.

What now?

He may have said he loves you. He may have said that even after breaking up he will have feelings, but you need to understand there is a difference between just love and being in love which is what all women want from a man. The behavior from men in love vs those who say they love you is vastly different too. We tend to use the word love to describe how strongly we like something such as I love chocolate and I love lasagna and cheesecake. Those are preferences. You may not love everything you eat to that extent, these are just the favorites. We can pick and choose a few traits we have in someone that is a favorite of ours, that we like extremely and so feel we can say, I love you. This does not mean the person can't live with out you. If I couldn't have cheesecake the rest of my life, no matter that its my favorite dessert, I could still live and not be emotionally distraught over it. When two people are 'in love' with each other, they don't pick and choose a couple of things they like alot and say they love you, they love the whole you, deep at core, your values, your dreams, your talents and will uphold and support who you are and encourage you to move forward and follow your dreams and they'll be right at your side. When you're in love, you dont want to hurt your partner and if one gets upset or cries, it hurts you to see them hurting, sex is wonderful because it is another way to show how much in love you are so its making love, not fucking, cus there is a commitment to each other. And the two find that doing the chores and mundane things of life together is better than doing so alone. Just being together makes lifes experiences even the plain ones, more fun and exciting because you have a partner to share it all together with and so the two rarely ever like being apart and their mate is their top choice in priorities, not their last. From his behavior, he is not in love with you.
Another thing is that people by late twenties like 28, 29 30 are questioning who they are. Up til now, they've tried to fit the image that family, friends or society has for them and its now they decide who they really are and what they really want in life. So he's that age but so far from this kind of decision that he may be one of those person who go through life single and never marry and have kids cus he just doesnt know what he wants and feels no compulsion to take the time to question that. If that is who he is, spending time with him will be a waste of time on your part.
I have a couple things I could send you that may help a little if interested, let me know. One is a list off a dating advice blog where I added my own perspective to round out the test, but its about 7 questions to ask yourself to discover if he really loves you. It was written by men who know better now but made these same mistakes in the past and can share a good test from a mans perspective and I feel it is right on!

I also have something I have written about how to find Mr. Right which involves you first understanding yourself, your strengths and weaknesss, much like you'd portray yourself on a job resume, and based on who you really are, come up with a list of what you are looking for in a man, the must haves, which are deal breakers, and so on. Let me know if you want that. I feel that without such a list to guide you, we tend to get distracted by other stuff and can settle for far less than the best and I know you want the best. But there is some learning ahead to have a better chance at finding the best. Just let me know dear. I hope you do walk away and not look back at this guy, Like missundersmock, I agree with her reasoning about this guy.

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Your reply you've sent me was very informative. I appreciate that and you are correct about LDR and her age. This is what I am afraid of that I'll be back into an unrequited love with someone far away.
I don't know why I had the guts to tell her that night that I like her but I guess my mind got so caught up into her because when I told her I'll ask her out if we lived closer she replied back with "It's a shame I live on the other side of the world" on that same day she wanted to talk to me on video chat when I asked her that we should vchat someday. She was so eager to talk to me over video chat (we vchat twice) that it surpised me how quick she wanted to see me when we just met a few weeks ago online.
And that she gave more of the effort to talk to me that it now ended up with her and I talking everyday now.
I have no idea where it is going but we are having fun talking to each other like we are close friends.
We enjoy our company.
She knows my past struggles and I told her today that I need to focus on myself because of my heartbreak. And she encourage me as well because she just got out of a abusive relationship with a man last year.
She wants to focus on herself as well.
Basically we are in the same boat, moving on from the past of bad relationships and learning to love yourself. We have alot in common and we enjoy sharing to each other.
We seem like we've been best friends forever!
I don't want to date many women to find myself and to find who I am looking for...I need to focus on myself.
But now that she is in my life it is hard to stay focus on self love. Because of her talking to me everyday and making each other laugh....I start to crush on her so hard that I can't stop thinking about "does she like me?".

She may or may not know what she's doing. After all she's 18 and very few of us have that combo of experience + maturity at that age. I was mature as far as I could tell at that age, more serious about how I went after things in life but not when it came to relationships. All we know is what we see in movies, observe from parents or read in romance novels and that I've found doesnt cut it. So lets face it, most of us struggle with how to find a partner and then how to go about nurturing another person, doing right not wrong things. And its its hard at any age we are, its even more so, the younger we are. I wouldnt put high hopes on someone that age. Not against wide age gaps in couples and she is now an adult but a very young one who doesn't really know what path she wants in life yet and in no hurry to choose one. I still think if you hold on to her as a friend but in the meanwhile get your feet wet and gain experience in dating, it'll be all the better for you. As to how to find someone who is looking for a date and is gay, I suggest going to on like dating sites for LGBT or listed as for gays or you can try the general sites and see if they have a listing for sexual orientation as some do, as well as how far away a date can live, I chose no more than 1 hrs drive away, and ones religious orientation if any. I wish you the best.

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I like to stay up at night and sleep during the day. I wish sometimes that I could sleep all day, but for some reason people act like I just killed their entire family if I sleep past 11am.

I don't understand why it's such a huge freaking deal? I still get everything I need to get done and more, I just do it at night instead of during the day.

In fact, I think it's way easier to do things at night because you're not constantly waging war against mobs of people to get your grocery shopping or other errands done. I mean when I have to go to work or class I still get up for that, but as an adult I feel like it's my right to make my own schedule! Most of the time I wind up awake by 10am anyways because if I sleep past then somebody is jumping down my throat about it, ready to explode in a fit of irrational anger!


I don't get it. I really don't. Why won't people just leave me alone?! I feel like every time I try to sleep until noon somebody is threatening to throw themselves off a cliff about it.

People will call me names and assume that I'm an unproductive and no-good person. My family members will yell and scream and about it. I don't understand! What is wrong with people that they act like furious cave-men when somebody doesn't follow every little rule of society?



Yes, you could be a night person but then it may also be a time of life for you where you sleep better at certain times or even length of times. I spent the Holidays at my daughters. She went to bed about same time as I did. My husband is an early riser and doesnt require much sleep. 5 ,6 hours and he is good. I am headed toward my late fifties and find I require a definite 8 hrs but am way happier and stay healthier when I get 9 to 91/2 hours sleep. So I got up around 9 am while my daughter slept til 1130-12 and her bf didnt wake until 2. I know they both work jobs where on days scheduled they have no trouble getting up way early and be at work on time. If you have room mates or family members who feel they have to be quiet during the day while you sleep, I can see that as the only normal concern if your sleep is disturbed easily. Otherwise, if you get everything else done, any other excuses they make, or complaints are simply out of ignorance. Sit em down and explain with some facts you can reasearch for on the web and let them know what thew case is with you. They may be acting like busy bodies interfering but people don't usually bother unless its someone they at least care about in some way and dont want to see you mess up your life. So they need to be educated. Swallow your irritation and educate them. My own parents believed something wrong with me as a child and always attempted to force me to eat meat which I'd store in my cheeks like a chipmunk and then go to the bathroom to spit it out. I hated everything about it. It wasnt until Dad mentioned his issues with me to a co worker who told him to stop forcing me, that I was normal, just a vegetarian and could get my protein from other sources. Once my parents were educated on the situation, everything changed to being supportive for me. Hopefully this will help you also. Good luck.

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I recently met this guy at university... We went out for coffee and for walks almost every day 9 times in two weeks. Then he asked me to slow dance with him at the school dance. This caused conflict as there is another one of my friends who apparently liked him. Anyways, the guy and I went out and he said that he just wants to take it slow. He recently came out of his one and only relationship (a short 6 month relationship) and I want to respect his space. He never was intimate with her or kissed her so I am pretty hopeful. I am unsure of what to do next... I keep remembering the dance and all of our conversations. I have never dated anyone before and would love some pointers. He seems like a great guy! He had his head on straight and is really mature. Is it okay to take time? Does he like me if he slow danced with me? Also we went on Christmas break and he went away with his family but we had a talk before he left that he wanted to take it slow as he has not had much time to think about our relationship yet. I am just really excited and I am not sure what is a safe move to make. He said there is a chance of us putting a label on it in the new semester and that it doesn't scare home he just needed some time to focus on exams (which are super stressful as he is in physics courses) and wanted to spend time with his family again. I struggle because I keep comparing myself to his old girlfriend and she is beautiful.

What do I do?

I agree with Miss undersmock whole heartedly. I want to add about your concern of a friend of yours who is upset he was showing you attention when she likes him. The thing about crushing on or liking someone but you never going to the person to at least befriend them or ask them out or them doing the same to do, is that no matter her feelings, this is not a relationship or a budding one. If he hasn't noticed her or gone after her, its for a reason, he is not attracted.
Guys do know how to prioritize and juggle things and of all the things that are most important to a male, if he says he is interested in a girl or pays attention to her its because he IS interested, but he also has to prioritize his time. YOu are at the budding relationship place with him so you may not yet rate a top priority but he is a well balanced young man in that he does realize his prioritys and labels them in importance. He mentioned school as one and family as another. He also mentioned needing some time to think about your relationship. That dear is a good sign. He is an open book and sharing what is important to him. Before I met my 2nd husband, I dated a guy where the intense ness of our feelings for each other grew quickly as well as our friendship and having so many things in common. Usually this doesnt go this way for many people and the quickness and intent ness of a relationship if it can scare a 50 yr old man into needing time to think about it, is a good sign. My guy wanted a week of no communication with me but after 4 days was texting me and hoping I wasn't upset and he'd like to see me, where he explained how the quickness of it going so well scared him but once apart, he realized how much he missed me and we were seeing each other also almost daily. As already stated, theres no reason to make comparisons. Obviously, it wasn't her looks he was after if he left the other gal. Looks are important to a point with a good mature man but he will care more about your character and who you are within as that is something that no other girl can be, the person you are inside.

So give him his space. If he's ask for no contact at all, then honor it, he will come back and explain later. If he doesnt mind some texts or calls but doesnt have the time to actually get to gether, then don't hound him with texts. Just a short email to say, been thinking of you and hoping your exams are going great and you are enjoying your family time is a wonderful way to be supportive but not ask him to give you time right now. He is smart to realize if he's just out of a relationship, that he wants to avoid jumping into a new one doing the rebound effect. He wants to be able to view this clearly and make sure that it is you he is truly attracted to and it is not him wanting just any girl to fill the empty spot vacant immediately after a breakup as those relationships usually dont work. I dont think this is rebound stuff with you or he wouldnt have bothered sharing as much as he did with you of why he wanted to take things slow. Even with attraction present, it is a good thing for both of you to not rush into the romance part so quick and take some time to build the friendship part of a relationship, a part that gets overlooked once the romance and sex steals time from your developing a friendship. Best friendship and chemistry romance wise are the two strongest foundations to any long lasting relationship dear so it is a wise thing to take things slow and give him space and be a friend. I think this is all a good sign how things went and most likely at some point he'll come back into your life and he will be sure enough to make you one of his top 3 priorities, school being one of course. A guy can have many things of importance in his life. So if his top 3 end up being other things with no room for you, then you know you are not as important, just a female social friend to hang out with. He needs to be sure he's ready to give you that top priority in his life cus it means bumping something else down to 4 or 5 or lower. But once a man has truly decided a gal is one top priority of 3 , then he's hooked and you have nothing to worry about. Good luck. Sounds like a wonderful guy.

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Hi so I have a friend who is in the group of friends that I'm in. She is such a nice and loyal friend, but the rest of the group don't really consider her their friend. Now don't get me wrong my group of friends are really nice and caring, I don't know why they don't but they don't really invite her to things that we do. When I did stick up for her and try to tell them that she should be invited to these things they just didn't really say anything because they don't like drama. So we have organised a big get together that everyone in our group is going to, but the person who organised it didn't invite her. I asked her if she invited her and she said that it's too many people. I think I will just not go to this gathering, and do something with her instead, but I'm really not sure because I will miss out on things that they will probably talk about a lot. I don't like drama either and I think they find it annoying that I keep telling them we should include her more. I don't want to miss out on it but I think it might be the right thing to do. I'm not sure. What do you think I should do?

It might help you to make a list of pros and con. Good reasons to contunue hanging out with the group and not seeing the lone friend or to seeing the lone friend and not having time for the group.

You didnt mention age so if we are talking middle or HS, it could be the group is just not mature enough and picks favorites. You have to ask yourself how comfortable you are being part of a group who isn't accepting of everybody. Is the group friends, close like best friends to you and would you lose them or is the lone girl more like a close/best friend. If the girls are just social friends, people you have to hang with and spend time with but aren't particularly close or special to you, then you'll know you aren't losing much if not hanging with them. If you are more worried about missing things said, perhaps at this stage in your life, gossip is more important than other things. You can have important conversation with a lone person. If you feel you are changing something about your character to fit in with the larger group, going against the grain of what you believe is right, then you are subtley changing yourself or pretending to, for the sake of still being accepted. Ask yourself if you feel you are really getting something out of hanging with people who don't honor the same values and ideas as you. This is much more than a small 'girlfriend' problem dear. It is a learning opportunity, one you need to learn well as it will ultimately help you find your life long mate, husband someday. You may find a guy who is pretty nice in many ways but some of his beliefs and core values are so very against where you are at. Long term being with someone like that will irritate and frustrate you to the point you may lose respect for the guy and stop loving him. Its harder to waste the time with a person and allow nature to take its course where you break up anyhow years later or see the signs of future trouble now and choose to not aline your self with the wrong people or person now. I hope this helps you in deciding what to do.

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I have crushed on this guy since 7th grade. He's absolutely perfect. We started talking last summer, but then I went back to my ex and told the guy I was talking to that my ex came first because I had strong feelings for him, even though my ex was not the better pick. So i left the other guy hanging. Me and my ex broke up and then I started talking to the other guy again. I was head over heels for him, even when I was with my ex. After we talked for a while and got to know each other, we started dating. We have been dating for almost 3 months. He's so amazing. He's the perfect guy. But i'm not sure I want to be with him anymore. I have doubted this since a couple days after we started dating. When he's away, I always have thoughts about breaking up and I question if I really like him. I could go without texting him. I hate that I think that, but I do. And I am not sure if those are just thoughts or if I actually feel that way. But I want the thoughts gone. I'm convincing myself that I don't want to be with him and I don't want to do that. I don't know how I avoid that though. I think about it every day. I do know that what I liked about my previous exes was they played hard to get. And i liked that because it made want them more. My boyfriend now doesn't do that. He spoils me so much, and I don't really like that. I wish I did, but I dont. Am I just spoiled and unappreciative? I want us to work. I thought maybe it was a phase, but it has lasted a long time. I cry almost every day over it. I've wanted him for so long and it was just so easy to get him. I dont like that he chases after me. What is going on? Am I insane or what? I always wanted a guy to treat me right, now I have that and I miss the chase. What is wrong with me!! Please help me.

My guess is you want a level of excitement in the relationship. Some gals translate that to the guy being the bad boy type, the one who is hard to get and that creates the excitement. A guy who is wonderful, the kind of guy who makes a good boyfriend, may be too predictable and so you tranlate that as boring. this happens to more people than just you dear. And while it is a normal occurance cus it happens often enough, it is not always a healthy one. At your age, you are really just starting to learn about relationships, the hard way, by experiencing them. However, there is no such class as 'relationships 101' to make this process any easier. therefore most your learning is going to be by experiencing the dating and the guys. Only real problem is when the female goes about this aimlessly, with no goal in sight, no real idea of what the heck dating is for in the first place and not really understanding even herself good enough to know what she needs and wants in a guy.
Lets say you have a dad who is an alcoholic and yells all the time and acts hateful towards you and other family. You wouldn't want more of the same from a boyfriend. You'd look for a guy who is a kind and gentle and uplifting in how he talks to you, is patient with you, understanding, and never raises his voice to you. Having a list of what you like and dont like and refining it after each relation ship by adding the things you liked about the last guy but also the things you want to avoid in the next guy is the smartest thing to do. this will work best once you're out of HS and the guys and you more mature. But for now, you can still learn, just don't be too disappointed if too many guys are immature.

theres a saying among adults that a man like a woman who can be the prim and proper lady with manners in public like at his company dinner or at church, etc. but he wants that same wife to be a total sexy vixon behind closed doors at home, who loves to seduce her man.
Ask women what they really want in a guy to be with the rest of their life and not get bored with, and they basically want the same thing. they want a good provider, a man who is stable in all ways, thougtful and remembers special dates and is very good to her all the time. A kind gentle guy. But she doesnt want kind and gentle in the bedroom. Like guys, she also wants the kind of guy who always comes after her with passion, on the wild side sometimes, unpredictable and surprising her in the bedroom, the kind of man who would at times dominate her in bed.
You are but 7th grade, so far yet from the point of having a life time mate like that. But I am thinking that for some reason, you may already be having these kinds of feeling early. Don't expect this much from guys at this age. Only date the ones who treat you well and wont drag you down into things like drinking and drugs or stealing or gangs, etc. Thats just dumb stuff, not exciting stuff. In time, you may find that the book worm quiet type of guys, the nerd types as my hubby describes himself, are in private, the most exciting men you could ever be with. You get the best of both worlds, a guy who treats you right but can flip in private, to the guy who is funny, entertaining, exciting and passionate and yes a bit wild at times too. Guys at your age dont know how to be both but the quiet seemingly boring guys who dont s tand out in a crowd, and arent part of the popular crowd can end up the most exciting...trust me.

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26 female
I am starting a new relationship and its going to be the dominant and Submissive relationship type my boyfriend is going to be dominant and I am going to be Submissive and I am trying to figure out some role play ideas

Sorry but your wording has my mind spinning off in all sorts of directions and scenerios. Your choice of words 'its going to be the dominant and submissive' sounds like picking colors of paint to paint the living room. Not like its a desire deep inside that is part of who you are. So if I am right and perhaps he is Dominant and looking for a sub and/or both of you read 50 shades of grey and think its a nice thing to try just for fun, then you have a very huge learning curve up ahead. You don't just decide to do something like this overnight and have it work out for both of you. If one of you has felt like this for years already and the other hasn't but it willing to try, again it may work or it may flop.
When you say role play...those words make me think of this as just something fun to do in the bedroom, not like the subs and doms who take this so seriously it affects every aspect of their life. the dom deciding whether you can buy some new shoes or a new dress or not, when you can talk or not, etc. kinda like in the movie, making decisions for you, and you not having an opinion or choice. This is perfect setting for people who are control freaks and want to control the other person in all areas, not just in the bedroom.
For a gal to meet a new guy, not really know him as a person, his character and personality and whether you can trust him or not, is not the best scenerio for jumping into a submissive position. That takes trust which isn't there and takes a long time to build between 2 people so making sub and dom role play the first thing you do together may make the relationship only about that and it may not grow into a full fledged relationship. females are looking for a man who will love them uncondiitionally and have no eyes for anyone else. I knew a few couples for a while who were doing this and I stopped associating with the females who reminded me of the way I was verbally abused by my ex. He was mentally ill, but not into sub and dom. Just a controller. And the females I met had no opinions of their own, could't hold a convo with other people, like they were socially backwards somehow and also acted like they had no self confidence, and low self esteem, etc. I am not into the full sub and dom stuff or needing things bordering what I call torture and pain to have orgasms. So I am not one to advise on role play if thats all you will be doing as a change from regular sex. But I do enjoy us both trading off being the one in control one night. I also like the change off from choosing to do slow, soft, tender sex and the nights where we both go wild as if we haven't been together for a long time and missed each other, the hard grabbing, pull on the hair, hard pounding, etc...that builds excitement in a different way and we both take a night to treat each other to some wild hard sex. Sometimes, it is hard enough to hurt a bit on hair pulling or a bite is too hard. When it goes beyond the feel of intense to an ouch, we do say Ow and the other immediately lets up. As to what you do if this is just to spice up play in the bedroom, your imagination is limitless. What do you want to role play, something like him being the pirate and you the bar wench as he comes into port? And as a ship captain, he tells you what he wants you to do and you willingly do it? If thats the role play you speak of, its easy if you have a good imagination and its your dialogue between you that adds the excitement. Otherwise if you're more into tying up, chains and whips, etc...then I suggest you read up on what 'real' people who are into this do, check online for sub and dom clubs and start asking them questions and learning from several different people the variety of things very important to learn, rules and guidelines to have before plunging into this.

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He don't ever want to have sex anymore unless we are drunk. He says he is always tired.

Alcohol and sex don't mix well. For one thing, too much alcohol will inhibit a mans ability to perform, that means he can't get it up. I don't know how much different it may be for teen boys but I do know men in their 30s on up have been affected by alcohol, from what I hear from the wives, my girlfriends.

Furthermore, a person who is unable to let their inhibitions down unless they are drunk, shouldn't be intending to do whatever it is they are drinking to have enough guts to do.

Not sure I understand how him saying he is always tired fits in with drinking and sex in your story. for one thing, booze helps to relax a person even to the point of being sleepy/tired. so if the guy complains he is tired after drinking, thats why. If he stopped drinking, he wont likely be complaining of being tired.
Or he could mean he is tired of having sex with you, tired of you, really wanting out of relationship but afraid to ask so the way he pushes himself to be able to tolerate staying is to get drunk alot. If the guy is always tired even when not drinking, it could be that he has a medical condition and need to see his Dr. One possibility for example is sleep apnea where a person tends to hold their breath as they sleep which interrupts their sleeping pattern by causing them to partially wake from sleep to gasp for a breath. It is not good sleep and a person like this can get help from a Dr if tested for it. There may be other medical reasons. If he really loves you and wants to be there for you in the relationship, then he'll go see his Dr. if its not that he wants out of the relationship, doesnt enjoy sex for some reason or whatever. Could it be he is forcing himself to play the part of a hetero or gay when in fact, inside, he is the opposite and so he drinks thinking it'll help him to go through with it for longer when his whole self is screaming "i dont want this' so he becomes tired, etc. I dont know anything but what you shared and the possibilities are many. These are but a few scenerios of what may be happening.

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It was great at first but now any little thing i do he cant stand it or it annoys him. He acts distant till it is time to lay down and even after that he is right back to the distant act. I caught him in a lie the other day by telling me he didnt go to his friends house when he did.He said he didnt want to tell me cause i would be mad. Im so confused because this is never what i expected from him.

Im 21 felmale and he is 27 male

Great at first? How long ago was that? You're 21 so unless you dated this guy through H.S. its only been a handful of years at the very most and possibly lots less. For example, any problems in a relationship will start to show up in the first year together. Its only about a one of two of everythig is fine and honeymoon type of life before things go sour if they're gonna go that way.

If you are married, same thing, cus it happened to me. In my case the husband was someone who could not be pleased no matter what I did, even if I followed his ideas and plans to the Nth degree thinking that finally he'd be happy cus it was his idea and then shocked to have him call me stupid idiot and that this was wrong and not a fix to the situation. Sometimes theres a person you just cant please no matter what you do. It likely means that even tho there might be a few things you like about him, that you both are truly not right for each other. Two perfectly nice people put together who are not meant to be together, will not get along and have a wonderful blending between each other as the relationship progresses. Its like trying to mix oil and water. It can't be done. One can make it look like its blended like when shaking the ingredients of an oil vinegar and water and flavorings salad dressing. But left long enough, the water and oil separate again. If you have been together a long time then perhaps it may be a good idea to salvage the relationship with couples counseling. Otherwise, if he wont go or you wont, then there's no reason to stay in a relationship where the two are not relating. Relating is interacting, communication between both, and good emotions present for each other such as caring, empathy,being supportive, etc...much like a best friend would treat you. In a couple relationship, there should still be the aspect of being each others best friend in the relating part with the added bonus of the romance and sexual compatibility of wanting to please ones partner fully and loving unconditionally. Both the friendship and the romantic/sexual chemistry are needed to be in sync in a relationship. If too vastly different, or one is missing, a relationship will not work and not be a relationship but 2 individuals trying to force it to look like one when in fact it isn't one and never will be unless something changes if anything can be changed. One sho8ld never have to change their character and personality to be perfect for another,other than changing a bad habit. SO if its not working, a therapist may be able to tell whats off and if its something that can be fixed or not. Or perhaps you already know what's wrong and know that it is not going to get better as I did in my marriage and I left him.

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I'm a ftm and I'm 25 weeks pregnant and I've suffered from anxiety since I was a little girl. Through my pregnancy I've had stress and a ton of it but nothing triggered me. About 2 days ago I went to the hospital because I had a panic attack I couldn't catch my breath and I was shaking and nauseous and a crying mess. I've never really had panic attacks where I can't take a deep breath. I got released the told me it was all my anxiety because my lungs and heart were healthy. When I got home and the days passed every day it'd happen throughout the day and sometimes I feel like I won't be able to catch my breath and panic and it gets worse, has this happened to anyone? Any tips :(

Hon, you are going to need to get yourself healthy. This I know from experience, that babies can pick up on their mothers moods especially new borns and i would assume they can pick up on it inutero. If you go about doing the same as you've done to take care of/or not your anxieties, then I guarantee you have a high chance of your baby being high strung and fussy and crying all the time and nothing consoles it. Why, cus its had 9 months of living with your anxiety inutero and knows nothing different, all it thinks is this is what 'normal' is and how one is supposed to feel all the time. Not that babies can reason with their minds this way. But they do learn things inside, like the sound of their parents voices so at birth they will recognize and turn to their parents rather than others.

I recently read a book called "When Anxiety Attacks" by David D. Burns and it all makes sense as to how one develops anxieties and how one gets over it. Yes there is a way. If you get hold of the book, it will give you hope that there is hope for you but even in the book it took Dr Burns working several different angles to help a client discover what their actual anxiety trigger is, and then healing exercises he knows to help heal the person. Usually its not something extremely recent but some event some time back that is the key of what started it, of not acknowledging your own worries or concerns on something, feeling like your choice was taken away, afraid of what other people will think of you, etc. are some common ones. Do try and start reading the bood and find a therapist in your area who deals in the CBT and TEAM methods of helping patients rather than just prescribing meds first thing to mask the problem. In only a small percent are people not helped by these non drug methods and still require medication. But those who have suffered exactly the same as you or worse are now cured and the great part is that it doesnt take years but only as many sessions and your diligence in carrying out the homework in your life to get better so in a couple months form the book, people were healed, no longer requiring the Dr. and free of anxieities and depression.
heres his website also: http://feelinggood.com/

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Hi!I am a girl of 20years and I've been trying to be in a serious relationship but I keep on failing. I am in a relationship for 1 month with a guy who is 24years.I thought he is serious but I was just fooling my self.I love him so much and I told my family about him. my bf don't talk to me and I did nothing wrong .I tried to talk to him but he don't care.I tried to raise this issue to him but he keeps on ignoring him.he dont talk,call,texts or reply nor answer my calls.I don't know what I did to deserve this and I don't know what to do.please help me and give me advice

He is not interested nor mature enough to know how to stop dating you. So instead of lack of how to break the news or fearing dramatics, he chooses the silent treatment, and no response.
Now if its a case of just a few days of no response, perhaps his phone broke, got lost, a family member died or something unavoidable has got his entire focus for the next couple days. I've heard of girls who text their guy every couple minutes, bombarding him with texts and if that is you, then his actions of silence and no answer is appropriate. When a person can't get thru their own day without constantly talking to the person of focus, it sends the message that they have nothing else to do and no life of their own, that they are needy and need to be entertained and this can scare a guy away. At 20, we rarely know these things and can easily be making these kinds of mistakes ourselves, or the guy doesnt know how to be to the point and break it off. You were dating only a month before he lost interest. That sounds about right to me. It shouldn't take much time dating to discover if a person really interests you beyond the initial attraction stage. Dating is not a commitment stage as so many female seem to think, mostly out of their strong desire to relate to people and especially find one male who is ready to make a commit by simply asking her on a few consecutive dates. This is more a discovery period on the way to becoming a committed couple, a time to learn more about each other, spend time together to see if this is someone you want to spend more time with or not. How do you discover if you like a new food? You have to try it. How do you know how an outfit in the store looks on you? You have to try it on. Dating is the same thing, its trying out the person to see how they fit your life. Are they perfect for what you need and want in your life or lacking somehow or even exhibit hurtful or destructive behavior? So basically hon, I am saying that in your desperate-ness to join the world of dating, its best to learn what things you can do that will help attract the right guy, know how to find Mr. Right, and how to be patient until the right ones comes along, how to be the one in control, going after the guy rather than waiting for one to come after you. Thers much to learn and you're the perfect age to start. If you can't find the information on your own, I am willing to share what I know. Just contact me.

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so i have this recent crush which i know we will never be together since we are like 10 years apart and living in different cities... ive often dream of him but i try not to think of him during the day although 90% of the time everything that i do will make me relate to him...
so since its 2016 new year, are there any ways to forget this crush?

First I want to explain what is happening to you this crushing you mention. If you can understand the process and hows and whys of it happening, that may help in you being able to stop focusing on him so much. I do explain in details the steps to a relationship and if you want the whole document, let me know and I'll send it to you. But here is the portion that explains crushing.

Crushing: First is the attraction level, then the conversation level. Crushing is not a step to a relationship but a condition that occurs at either level. It occurs whether both are unknown to each other or friends. More often than not, one persons thoughts are constantly focused, obsessing on this other person, to the point of needing to use their mind and imagination to play little scenes in their head of what it would be like to date this person or be loved by him/her. It has little based in reality, especially if the two have never spoken to each other and the one crushing has not tried to start at least a friendship. If already a friend, then they have not let their friend know they are starting to have stronger feelings for them than just friendship feelings. Its important to state it this way so as to not freak out and scare off your friend. Try not to spend any time stuck here as it serves no purpose.

Meeting someone online who becomes your LDR or LDC long distance crush, is the second problem. Its already bad enough to crush on someone within arms reach whom you can visually observe to some extent but that imagining and fantasizing one does when crushing is even worse when its long distance. All you have is what they chose to type to you and if lucky, their face and voice on Skype. There is even less you can truly know and trust about a person on line. There are adults mostly who play in Second Life, a second on line world with an avatar you create and can experience anything one can do in the real world, on line in SL. Many choose a persona to present that is totally unlike who they really are in life. You know, like the person wearing a clown suit getting paid to wave ad signs at passing cars. And since no one really know who they are, they feel free to have some fun and act crazy in public by jumping up and down, dancing a jig, waving and shouting at you, etc... People aren't often perfectly at peace with who they really are and so even on line in an ldr, will present themselves the way they wish they were but are for some reason unable or unwilling to change. I met guys online, only talked 2 weeks in a dating site before meeting in real life. Who they portrayed themselves to be most often ended up totally different than when I met them in person as I said in about 1 to 2 weeks time. I used the net only as a tool to come to know of someones existance and within my locality so it was easy to travel to see them often, no more than an hours drive away was my choice.

Now I move on to explain how your subconscious mind works. Its like having a totally separate person inside you. This is where all your emotions live, like when watching a sad movie you know is just a fake story but your sub seeing this gets caught up in the emotions and so you cry. The sub is also at times like our inner child and so doesnt always have the same concept of the adult world as our conscious or awake mind does. Another thing the subconscious mind does, is in wanting to please you, it assumes that the things you focus on most often are what is best for you, or something you want. Its a bad deal if you tend to focus thoughts on scary things like fearing you might get attacked or raped. Whatever you focus on most, the sub mind will try its best to make it happen believing this will make you happy and it does this by feeding ideas to your conscious mind, things to do or say that place you in a position where you feel you are most likely to see that which you dread or crush on, come true. However life doesnt always work that way. Sometimes it does work but more often not so you are left with a vicious cycle of basically desireing to have a boyfriend and feel loved by someone and when you think you see some traits you like in a guy, your subcon. mind sees this and thinks, Aha...heres a likely prospect for the role of boyfriend and begins to feed your conscious mind constant thoughts about him in every area of your life with imagined feelings that grow stronger. And yet, you dont even know if this particular person could ever in reality be a slim possibility for a relationship. They may not have romantic feelings at all for you. Or lke my ex I married at 20, he was outgoing, socially fun and gregarious and caring and polite, but behind closed doors, he had a mental illness just starting and he verbally abused me as long as I decided to stay with him. there where warning signs but until you have dated several people and obtained some street smarts from experience to be able to spot the sometimes not so obvious bad signs, when we are young we are often fooled into seeing what we want at the surface level and thinking it couldn't possibly be any worse deep at core in that person. Those are easy to hide on line but not so much in person.

So after all this, your only weapon is to work with your subconscious mind to stop sending you thoughts of this guy. Each time such a thought comes to you, grab that thought and tell yourself (which is actually talking to your subcon. mind) remember, I said I no longer want to think and crush on him. There is so little likelihood of us even being able to meet let alone have the in person chemistry and attraction to make this work so I will not go looking here for a boyfriend. Someone is person is a better idea. So stop sending thoughts of him.
A minute later, an same thought comes to mind. Again say, I told you to stop focusing on him. I realize there is no reality to this. So stop.
Again in another couple minutes a thought may come so that by the end of the day it will seem you told your sub a million times to stop sending these thoughts. Its not easy at first. Do it every day. In a couple of days, you will notice you don't have to tell yourself to stop doing this as it wont be happening every couple minutes. Eventually it becomes once an hour to once a day to once a week to once a month until you no longer think of him at all.

I do want to stress that your seeing something you like in him, some trait or characteristic is actually very normal. It is part of what each female should be doing when looking for guys to date with the ultimate goal of someday finding one she can live with long term or marry. So it is actually wise to make a list of the things you like that you see in a guy. He may not be available but mark down those traits to find the same in another guy. You will also experience things you don't like about a guy. Make sure it is a trait of his and not something you need to change in your life such as being easily irritated, holding grudges, too demanding, not trusting, a drama queen, etc... no man will ever look good to a female with these kinds of personal issues. With each real relationship, dont settle for the same or less but always go for a step better in a guy and if a period of time comes when you haven't found the next one yet, then remain single until the right one comes along. If you have any more questions, just write to me, or if what I wrote was too confusing.

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