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We slow danced now what!?
I recently met this guy at university... We went out for coffee and for walks almost every day 9 times in two weeks. Then he asked me to slow dance with him at the school dance. This caused conflict as there is another one of my friends who apparently liked him. Anyways, the guy and I went out and he said that he just wants to take it slow. He recently came out of his one and only relationship (a short 6 month relationship) and I want to respect his space. He never was intimate with her or kissed her so I am pretty hopeful. I am unsure of what to do next... I keep remembering the dance and all of our conversations. I have never dated anyone before and would love some pointers. He seems like a great guy! He had his head on straight and is really mature. Is it okay to take time? Does he like me if he slow danced with me? Also we went on Christmas break and he went away with his family but we had a talk before he left that he wanted to take it slow as he has not had much time to think about our relationship yet. I am just really excited and I am not sure what is a safe move to make. He said there is a chance of us putting a label on it in the new semester and that it doesn't scare home he just needed some time to focus on exams (which are super stressful as he is in physics courses) and wanted to spend time with his family again. I struggle because I keep comparing myself to his old girlfriend and she is beautiful.
What do I do?
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Hi!
You should ask him to hang out, or to try something new with you (I suggest rock climbing if you've never done it before. It's so much fun and it's a good bonding and trusting activity!), but remember to give him his space, and go slow. Be yourself, guys like girls for who they are, not for their looks. Try to find things you both have in common. You can even be each other's study partner. Don't try too hard to win him over. I hope this helps.
Best wishes!
-Swimmer133
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I agree with Miss undersmock whole heartedly. I want to add about your concern of a friend of yours who is upset he was showing you attention when she likes him. The thing about crushing on or liking someone but you never going to the person to at least befriend them or ask them out or them doing the same to do, is that no matter her feelings, this is not a relationship or a budding one. If he hasn't noticed her or gone after her, its for a reason, he is not attracted.
Guys do know how to prioritize and juggle things and of all the things that are most important to a male, if he says he is interested in a girl or pays attention to her its because he IS interested, but he also has to prioritize his time. YOu are at the budding relationship place with him so you may not yet rate a top priority but he is a well balanced young man in that he does realize his prioritys and labels them in importance. He mentioned school as one and family as another. He also mentioned needing some time to think about your relationship. That dear is a good sign. He is an open book and sharing what is important to him. Before I met my 2nd husband, I dated a guy where the intense ness of our feelings for each other grew quickly as well as our friendship and having so many things in common. Usually this doesnt go this way for many people and the quickness and intent ness of a relationship if it can scare a 50 yr old man into needing time to think about it, is a good sign. My guy wanted a week of no communication with me but after 4 days was texting me and hoping I wasn't upset and he'd like to see me, where he explained how the quickness of it going so well scared him but once apart, he realized how much he missed me and we were seeing each other also almost daily. As already stated, theres no reason to make comparisons. Obviously, it wasn't her looks he was after if he left the other gal. Looks are important to a point with a good mature man but he will care more about your character and who you are within as that is something that no other girl can be, the person you are inside.
So give him his space. If he's ask for no contact at all, then honor it, he will come back and explain later. If he doesnt mind some texts or calls but doesnt have the time to actually get to gether, then don't hound him with texts. Just a short email to say, been thinking of you and hoping your exams are going great and you are enjoying your family time is a wonderful way to be supportive but not ask him to give you time right now. He is smart to realize if he's just out of a relationship, that he wants to avoid jumping into a new one doing the rebound effect. He wants to be able to view this clearly and make sure that it is you he is truly attracted to and it is not him wanting just any girl to fill the empty spot vacant immediately after a breakup as those relationships usually dont work. I dont think this is rebound stuff with you or he wouldnt have bothered sharing as much as he did with you of why he wanted to take things slow. Even with attraction present, it is a good thing for both of you to not rush into the romance part so quick and take some time to build the friendship part of a relationship, a part that gets overlooked once the romance and sex steals time from your developing a friendship. Best friendship and chemistry romance wise are the two strongest foundations to any long lasting relationship dear so it is a wise thing to take things slow and give him space and be a friend. I think this is all a good sign how things went and most likely at some point he'll come back into your life and he will be sure enough to make you one of his top 3 priorities, school being one of course. A guy can have many things of importance in his life. So if his top 3 end up being other things with no room for you, then you know you are not as important, just a female social friend to hang out with. He needs to be sure he's ready to give you that top priority in his life cus it means bumping something else down to 4 or 5 or lower. But once a man has truly decided a gal is one top priority of 3 , then he's hooked and you have nothing to worry about. Good luck. Sounds like a wonderful guy.
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Wow, well first off it sounds like you have a REAL man on your hands there! and he sounds like a GENTLEMAN too!
That is so sweet of him to go and tell you out right that he has other things going on but is clearly showing that youve caught his eye! That is a very rare thing you have there, and i suggest you not go and sabotage it.
His last girlfriend MAY have been prettier or thinner or whatever, but the TYPE of a relationship you have with one person to the next is totally different and there is no love like YOUR love, and the feelings you may have had for an old ex-boyfriend (when your comparing it to your current guy) will NOT be the same and thats a GOOD THING.
Its even ok to still care for an ex you may have but knowing that your not a good match, the reasons why, and that your not a healthy person with your with them is what makes adults split but still KNOW each other for years to come and be OK with it and even HAPPY for each other. see?
This guy clearly likes you but hes aware of what life is. Its not a game. and he knows where he needs to put his focus right now and its not on you, but youve clearly caught his eye so i say for now, just let him be, dont rush it, and let things play out, then see what he wants to do when he CAN be with you and focus more on you. ; )
The best thing you can do for him right now is to just encourage him with school, dont stress or obsess with someone he says hes over and done with, and just go with the flow.
good luck
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